Hi there, I'm just discovering M&L and it's amazing. I love your blog so much. I saw a post a while ago saying that Jerry might have been biromantic, and for me as an asexual and biromantic person, this is very exciting and fascinating. Obviously I know some reasons we may think that, but I wonder if you could make a list of why Jerry might be biromantic? Like an evidence post. :) Any chance Dean may have been biromantic? I'm less sure about him, but he seemed to love Jerry just as much. Thanks!
I will say that the examples of Jerry being bi-romantic are solely based on his feelings for Dean. I mean he did mention men being good looking or kissed other men publicly, but part of that he put in a joking manner, or in the realm of his wild behavior, or just because he loved his male friends. He kissed his sons, and whatever people he loved or liked. He was just a very affectionate type of guy. However his feelings for Dean both physically and verbally in that he was always letting people know that he was in love with Dean, and mentioning the terms "love affair" and "marriage" made people privately and publicly (scandal magazines) question if their relationship wasn't "latent homosexuality" or "offbeat" (both of those being direct terms used in the articles, the latter being obviously code for gay). Jerry wasn't afraid to let people know how he felt, but of course he never labeled himself as bi-romantic. Did he have sexual feelings for Dean and other men? We will never know. Some people seem to forget that people can be attracted to people and be in love with them, but sex never enters their mind. I've personally experienced this. I've been accused by a certain fan on tumblr, for saying that Jerry likely never acted on his feelings for Dean if there were any sexual feelings. I just see Dean as probably not open to sexual experiences with men, because of his upbringing. The evidence just isn't there, besides speculation and those shower photos which we don't know why those pictures were taken for a magazine publication. Speculate is all we can do. He admitted that he loved Jerry, and his relationship with Mack Gray does seem intimate. Dean was really affected by his loss when he died, and Mack went everywhere with Dean. He even chose his songs. Mack Gray is just a mysterious figure, and perhaps it was just a friendship, or perhaps it was romantic/sexual. We just don't know. But here is all the evidence of bi-romantic feelings at the very least.
Examples of Jerry loving Dean:
"What we had was two people that were in love with what we did for one another on the stage. The fact that I loved him that much off the stage, and as he did with me, was the foundation of everything we did."
“I miss Dean. I fell in love with him the day we met. I wish he were here. He was a miracle that God put in my life, and working with him was a feeling I’ll never ever forget.” - Jerry Lewis
"But I care for him. I loved him then, I love him now. He loved me then, I think he loves me now. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of. God didn’t say that love must be projected here. Just at my child? No, I love my wife. I love my friends. And I love my partner."
"We’re so close that our minds think like one mind. It’s like telepathy. There’s a very deep and profound love between Dean and me and our act is only good because of this feeling of closeness.”
“The truth is simply we loved one another. If Dean feels this day as I feel about him then we still love one another. We just didn’t like working together anymore. I don’t think that that changes—I don’t think that love is on a dial or a panel that you can turn on or off. I think when you love, you love forever…"
“It was a wonderful period for us … and we were at the height of young abandonment. To watch these two guys who were so crazy in love with one another, and in love with one another’s ability–it’s magic, it’s absolute magic.”
“Call it Romeo and Juliet if you want, I don’t give a shit”
“You see, the one thing that Winchell told me that night-he saw us at the Havana Madrid-and I was sitting having a drink with him after the show and he said,
“You know what’s wonderful about what you two guys are doing?” And he’s talking like we’re an act. We’re not an act. He said, “I love the way you look at him.” I said, “I didn’t know it was that evident.” “You know, that’s part of the magic-and the way he looks at you." " Yeah. Oh, God, yeah, it was difficult not to show that. I was so enamored by him and so thrilled…." -JL, Who the Hell's In It?
"It was the same chemistry, and this may sound weird- well, I don’t know how it’s going to sound-that happens when the sperm and egg make contact and can reproduce a magnificent miracle. That’s what we had. I don’t know of any other chemistry that’s as godlike.”
"But from that first moment, to the end of it all, I never loved anything in my life like I loved my partner" - Jerry Lewis, promoting Dean and me on Regis 2005
I wrote him a love letter and a thank you, and there was no response. And I wasn’t hurt by that, because I know him. He’s a very private man, and he knows, just as I knew that he understood me, he knows that I understand him. I think he knows in his heart, that I understand, that he’s not one to sit down and write a letter. That’s not his style. He’s now one to acknowledge a letter, that’s not his style. And that’s part of his charm. He just doesn’t give a damn about a lot of things that a lot of us are prisoners to.
Jerry Lewis on Dean Martin after their 1976 MDA telethon reunion.
“I think people were frightened of a homosexual probability. They didn’t want to recognize it. This is two people that love one another like a man and woman, a wife and a daughter, a son or a husband.”
~ Jerry Lewis, Method to the Madness of Jerry Lewis (2011)
“I catch Dean worrying about things occasionally- things I have always worried about, to which previously he wouldn’t have given a thought. How do I know? I always know what’s going on in his head, even if his head is fifty miles away as I’ve said-and do you know why? I love him. He’s a big jerk sometimes but in the clinches there are few people in the world who could touch him.”
“‘The way Jerry is, everybody who works for him are puppets, see, he pulls the strings’, says Irving Kaye 'Nobody can tell him nothin’. It’s entirely a one man operation altogether. Mr. Martin was the only one. He was the only one Jerry ever listened to about anything. If Jerry got outta line, Dean would say 'Relax, kid–relax.’ And he’d relax and be alright. Today he’s like a dame carrying a torch, now that they’re not together anymore.”
- Richard Gehman, That Kid, 1963.
Plus all the times Patti told Jerry to go to his other wife, or referred to Dean and Jerry's other wife.
Examples of Dean loving Jerry:
“Our partnership in many ways is a marriage…. I dare say we’ve spent more time together than most married couples do.” - Dean Martin
"When we shook hands on our partnership, I said in my heart, this is forever, ‘til death do us part. It still goes! Sometimes he makes mistakes. Sometimes I make mistakes. But as long as people let us alone, the team of Martin & Lewis will go on.” - Dean Martin
"You’re still the best in the whole world….. I love you, and I mean it.” - Dean talking to Jerry on stage after Jerry surprised him for his birthday, 1989.
“Oh, God, we had such fun, it was ridiculous. He’s doing a number one night and he calls me up. He said, I hope I didn’t interrupt you when you’re busy.” I said “No, I was just standing around listening to you.’ He said, ‘In the middle of the song I thought to myself, I miss him.’ I said ‘That’s why you called me up, because you missed me?’ He said ‘Yeah–now we’re together–isn’t that wonderful?”
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