Jerry never had good parenting examples; his parents were almost always absent. He married barely legally; his parents had to give their consent to the marriage (Jewish only) because at 19, at that time, one was still considered a minor. Jerry's children weren't just his children, I think, but also his siblings in his mind. He didn't know how to be a father (as an adult) because he himself didn't have a father. Patti didn't write flattering things about her in-laws. Having been left at the mercy of everyone as a child (I remember him being abused by a much older woman when Jerry was 12 or 13), he wanted to prevent his children from experiencing something similar to his childhood, which is why he was very, very strict. In his mind, he wanted to protect them, even if he often got it wrong.
In his mind, he wanted to protect them, even though he often failed in his attempt to be a father. But he loved his children, I'm absolutely certain of it. In his own way… just as he loved Patti in his own way. But he loved her.
Deana wrote in her book that Dean wasn't a good father. He was a good person, but he wasn't a good father. He never wanted any kind of trouble. He gave his children everything they wanted, but when Jeanne said, "Look, he/she needs you to talk to them, to tell them what they did wrong," Dean would take the son or daughter he needed to talk to aside and say, "I don't know what to tell you, but tell your mother I talked to you." Other times, he would become more severe and apply "punitive silence." Like when Claudia wanted to marry a boy that neither Dean nor Jeanne liked. Dean and Claudia entered a room in their house, and shortly afterward Claudia was seen running out, in tears. They didn't speak for months. Or like when Dean Paul Jr. didn't want his father and Jeanne to divorce, and he didn't want his father to marry his third wife. In that case, too, they didn't speak for months. I read all this in magazines of the time. If I find the clippings, I'll publish them. Apparently, he bought his teenage sons a life-size tank, which they would play with near their house. However, he forbade his sons from growing their hair when it became fashionable. Dean Martin was always pure contradiction.
@inkflourishes
