A Thousand Faces but No Wings
Shmi once told Anakin a story about the saddest slaves, the ones who loved their chains so much they remained in bondage. They were so happy they could not see the tears that fell from their eyes and disappeared into the greedy sand.
Ekkreth wears a thousand faces, but Anakin Skywalker wore two. Ekkreth was a beautiful red bird, but Anakin had no wings. Ekkreth was unfettered but Anakin Skywalker was heartbound.
Anakin loved Obi-Wan and he was grateful to the Jedi, for all of their faults. They could have cast him aside so easily but took him in, no matter how begrudgingly. Anahkeen owes them a half-debt and it festers snarling resentment under the guise of begrudging compliance. The Jedi cannot help the slaves of Tatooine but they can help their slavemasters. They point their fingers at Anahkeen and do not see the ones that point at their backs. The Jedi Masters disapprove because Ekkreth has a thousand faces and a hundred thousand hidden facets to him and they see a bantha only for a bantha.
Anahkeen knows he is many things. He is prideful because the Sky-walker does not bow to a Master. He is jealous because he cannot help but envy the other children who came to the Jedi earlier. He is accused of greed because the Jedi mistake his desperation to please his Masters for avarice. He is criticized for his laziness by the Masters in his classes because Watto wanted a smart slave but did not want a capable person. He is shown disdain for the eagerness he takes food, even when eating the proper amount because a Jedi eats to live and does not live to eat. His passion for saber-fighting is scrutinized as aggressive and almost bloodthirsty. Perhaps they are right; most of all, he is wrathful, because real gods drown the half-gods of wine and flowers in flesh and blood.
He is many things and content is the last of them. But Anakin has a beautiful wife and a duty to the men. He cannot say no, because he remembers the last time he abandoned someone he loved. The gods must have laughed as they reminded him of his disloyalty, his unending debt. When he thinks of Shmi, he thinks of all the ways he failed her. Anahkeen tried to name which of the deadly seven may apply, and when he failed, he decided to append an eighth, regret. His agony seeds shameful tears.
The Jedi can have their temple, their lavish ships and water. They can have their glowing blades, and soft robes, and endless amounts of food, and bacta and tall buildings because slaves have no use for them anyways. Anahkeen wanted nothing more than his ragged, old cotton bedsheet and the moonlight shining through the desert clouds, and the cool breeze under his feet while he ran around catching fireflies. He is almost sick of seeing so much plant life. There are even days when he misses Seek because his cruelty was one Anahkeen saw in himself and countless other faces.
But the Jedi won him a long time ago, and it was not long before his Master Knighted him and he got married. It was not long before he became a war general and a teacher to a bright, young girl. But none of them contribute to his joy now. His apprentice is long gone to the wind, becoming a woman before he could realize the girl he helped raise had bloomed. His wife is a woman he is eternally grateful for and he knows he can never repay her enough. His Master is a Jedi, and it is both good and bad. He is among thousands of Jedi and clones and he cannot help but feel so lonely in their company.
Desolation drives a man to think about times he once wanted to forget. Maybe someday he will get to go home when the war is over. Anahkeen remembers a freed Grandmother, who was born on a lush planet. She once told him a story he did not understand until it was too late.
“When a person crosses the river, Ar-Amu gives him what he wants. I don told the All-Mother I don’t want nothing much – only my home. I don’t think that’s much to ask for. I suppose she’ll send me back there. I been waiting a long time for her to call.”
If Kitster could see him now, he would feel pity for Anahkeen for the first time in his life. At least with Watto, he was useful but not important.
Some days, he reveled in his own ruin. Some days, he is not a Sky-walker. Many days, he is not Shmi’s son.
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