Junior Staff Chronicles

ProcrastiNation

[juniorstaffchronicles]

(Bird is the) Word Association

In 1997, neurotic household celeb Rebecca Sealfon - and that sassy side part of hers - won our hearts and our adoration when she squawked the letters to the commonly uttered term, 'EUONYM', to take home the Scripps National Spelling Bee. (Click here for a refresh.)

Incidentally, Sealfron also inspired us here at JSC to stop running from our Virtual Tourette's; to embrace our mind-to-finger tendency to immediately shout out what certain words remind us of, and to do this over and over and indeed over once more until we self-implode.

Word Association. We can't take any credit for this one, as the game is as basic as they come. However, we can give you our take on the old classic and encourage you to play with your peers during those dark moments of turmoil and despair. (Instructions on passing the proverbial baton after the jump).

The more obscure and inappropriate, the better. If you aren't sweating by the end of your turn, you ain't playin' right.

Buckle up, pigeons. HERE WE GO.

Rory [3:14 PM]:

can we do a quick word association to settle my stomach?

Pweeeeeez

  Rory [3:18 PM]:

Frown

#deadtome

  Layla [3:20 PM]:

STOP

i was away from keyboard

word association - on.

  Rory [3:21 PM]:

noob

YAY!

  Layla [3:21 PM]:

(is that my cue?)

  Rory [3:21 PM]:

YES

  Layla [3:21 PM]:

yay?

or noob

or noobyay

yaynoob

.................. (clears throat)

noob

YAY!

taylor swift

diaries

lisa frank

ponies on acid

woodstock

hippies

flower power

poison ivy

ivy league

tools

self awareness

harry potters lesbian cousin

broomsticks

matchsticks

FRIES

gluttony

lard in closets

cleaning out my closet

r. kelly

urine

samples

doctors

ASHEAHNS

fried noodles

pool noodles

bad flotation devices

airplane cushions

discomfort

ethan reignesiorsieruwiepart

john jacob jingle heimer schmidt

shit

dog

-s go to heaven

hell

gilbert godfried on a megaphone

(PASS)

  Rory [3:26 PM]:

that was incredlble

alright.

Gilbert Godfried on a megaphone

Aflac

Duck

Quack

Mighty Ducks

Iceland

salt baths

bubble baths

mr bubbles

mr bucket

put your balls in my mouth

overheard at the holiday party

  Layla [3:27 PM]:

(hahahaha)

  Rory [3:27 PM]:

gossip queens

drag queens

drag racing

raceway park

alvin and the chipmunk

hoola hoop

hippies

occupy wall street

white people with dread locks

axl rose

sweet child of mine

sweet baby jesus

made it in America

Frank Ocean

Anne Frank

Trapped in the annex

trapped in the closet

R Kelly

pee pee

(pass)

  Layla [3:30 PM]:

outstanding. hippies and r kelly for the double plays.

pee pee

wee wee

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

rollercoasters

birds pooping in my grandma's mouth

true stories

true life

im a crossdresser

Rupaul

catwalks

cat ladies

jinxy cat

nipples

milking

1/2 and 1/2

dairy

fairy

glitter

holiday party

cogs in the machine

imma machine

being stuck in bags

if clothing could talk

kids say the darndest things

Bill Cosby

swexters

gateway to success

switching professions

getting fired

plants for hire

green thumbs

trolls

harriet tubman

slavery

switching professions

SAND DOLLA TRILLIONAIRES

gold chains

baggy pants

african tribal dance

MC hammer

LMC hammer

Run LMC

middle school screennames

AOL mail

spam

vegetarianism

(PASS)

Rory [3:39 PM]:

vegetarianism

converting vegetarians

infected mushroom

Rutgers Freshman

Freshman 15

Chubby

Chubby Checkers

Chinese Checkers

Chinese ppl

SARS

Sears

one-stop-shop

one minute lube

one minute man

missy elliot

work it

put my thing down flip it in reverse it

tuck the sack

cross dresser

Chiquita lady

fruit head

gushers

3rd grade school lunch

stay in the third grade forever

billy madison

flannel around the waist

grunge

kurt cobain

Doc Martins

Martin Lawrence

Stroke while jogging

masturbation olympics

(pass)

Layla [4:19 PM]:

MASTURBATION OLYMPICS

viagra condoms

nuns

sister act

my god

whoopie goldberg

dreadlocks

jamaica we have a bobsled team

john candy

hard candy

warheads

water fountains

recess

BRICKLAYER

fake tetris

smartphones

RAZR

scooter

skeeter

doug funny

the beets

i need mo allowance

tweets I send to my dad

khaki capris

nightgowns

weeping

miss america

miss south carolina

incompentency

incontinence

depends

oopsie daisy adult underpants

stove babies

big babies

IM DA BABY

dinosaur

T-Rex

T mobile

internet ads

flea market montgomery

mini malls

mini me

midgets

sauteed things

onions

the onion

dreamjob

stevejobs

biographies

fusion

pieces of shit

for breakfast

kanye

workout tape

precious

lookalikes

olsen twins

uncle jesse

leather

grease

burgers

five guis

*guys

five chinamen

asheahn 12 days of christmas

partridges in soy sauce trees

(PASS)

Rory [4:25 PM]:

stunned

with delight

Layla [4:25 PM]:

i think word association might be the most gratifying of our games. theres so much to digest, all at once.

Rory [4:31 PM]:

and its like a sporting event

because you can watch as it happens

and imagine what is coming down the pike

Layla [4:32 PM]:

and cheer along

with foam fingers

[Work is attempted. And promptly halted by talk of peppermint bark.]

Rory [5:48 PM]:

bark

do you have any more of that?

Layla [5:49 PM]:

my colleague does

#latenightofficeraid

Rory [5:50 PM]:

smooth operation

Layla [5:50 PM]:

smooth operator

sade

sexytime music

go gabba gabba

party in my tummy

sad carrots

happy brocolli

nickeloden

face

creepy childhood normalities

teletubby backpacks

po

po1717171717

little sister screennames

dial up modems

amish computer guys

named jake

playing ping pong

in the basement

with my dad

the end

Rory [5:53 PM]:

the end

the credits

credit cards

dolla dolla bills y'all

wu tang

wyclef remix

haiti

text 1010 to haiti

text

sexting

teens

teens jeans

genius

baby geniuses

baby-g

watch

tamagotchi

done

From Lisa Frank acid ponies to tamagotchis - if that doesn't constitute a near-perfect 90's full circle, then I never watched "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" growing up.

We'll save the rest for our diaries.

XO

[juniorstaffchronicles]

Well, now you will be getting it from both sides.

Undisclosed JSC Member, out of insert your own context

[juniorstaffchronicles]

AVSNY, Pt 2: ODB on a Swingset

A SCRIPT FROM LAYLA.

© Decemba 2011

If you’re looking for something low key for New Year’s Eve, look no further.

New York’s hottest club is SODIUM. 19 year old Scandinavian sheep herder turned Czechoslovakian wig stylist, Wiggles F. Scott McSurlington, is back with an all new hot spot that answers the question: “TO-DAY?!?????????????”

This place has everything:

White out

Zach Morris in drag

Destiny’s Child mimes

Pearl onion paintball

Witches in Barbie wigs

Grandmas playing Jenga with French fries

Sequined pony flash mobs

Oriental yarn children synchronized swimming in a miso soup pool

A centaur that looks like Kevin Bacon

A HUMAN COMPASS

Seth: I’m sorry, what? A human compass?

Yeah you know, it’s that thing. Where you take 4 midgets in pinwheel hats to the park and tie them to a spinning wheel…

Seth: Yeah, I am fairly certain that’s not a thing.

Yeaaaah, no it is. I’ve done it.

Seth: Alright. Alright, Stefon, that’s great. But we brought you on here to talk about LOWKEY New Year’s Eve options. You know, something easy.

(groan) MMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Seth: Affordable.

AFFORDABULLL (sniff) RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

Seth: An alternative to all the high end, high frills parties that take place in the city every year. Do you have any recommendations suited for this type of crowd?

Yes, of course, got it, DONE. If you’re high or realllly like frills, I’ve got just the spot for you.

New York’s hottest club is BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHSHAMALAMADINGDONG. Located on an innertube in the middle of the Hudson River and originally designed on Sims City: Deluxe Edition by Kimmy Gibler and Bono, this bicurious establishment is the perfect cross between a Kidz Bop album and heroin. You’ll be greeted at the door by a hairless cat eating Boston Crème Pie, and the password for entry is: FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIED AHHHHTAAACHOKES.

This place has everything:

Neon swiffers

Beef jerkey double dutch

Barbed wire braces

Ol’ Dirty Bastard on a swingset

Room after room of fat kids perma-velcroed to the wall

A bloated member of ABBA playing text twist in the bathroom stall

Stevie Nicks wearing a plunger bra

Spongebob embroidered underpants

And look who just walked in: is that Tina Turner? No. It’s a half-German, half-mermaid delivery man in a pink tuxedo singing “What’s New Pussycat?” while pushing around an injured smurf on a razor scooter.

And the fun doesn't stop there. If you come this Wednesday, you’ll meet Ted Bundy’s deceased aunt, Beatrice Jackson, who teaches a 3-level course on the human trombone.

Seth: Do I even want to ask?

YES. 

Seth: So a human trombone is…?

It's that thing where you airbrush a midget with gold paint and superglue it to a sillystraw. And then make out with it for 5 minute intervals.

[LE FIN.]

[juniorstaffchronicles]

AVSNY, Pt 1: Manifest Destiny's Child

A SCRIPT FROM RORY.

© Decemba 2011

Seth: So, lots of visitors in NY for the New Year—any suggestions?

The New Year is all about spending time with the ones you love and getting wild. For those looking to get down, New York’s hottest club is: Blarnia. Opened in 2002 in the back of an armoire owned by famed Irish transsexual Rupatrick, Blarnia has it all: Snail Races, a bubble gum sweat lodge; racial profiling and even a Jar Jar Binks Cabaret.

Seth: But New York has some off-beat options too. Such a historically rich city. What about those looking for a more cultural new year?

For those looking for more historical relevance, I’ve got just the place for you: New York’s hottest club is: Trail of Tears. Opened in a stolen bread truck in Astoria in 1991, Trail of Tears was inspired by an acid trip by regionally renowned Native American step dance-troupe: Manifest Destiny’s Child. And it has everything. Vodka Tamales, a gravy luge, JNCO Pants, Fatheads of the village people and a razor blade photo booth.

Seth: What about those just looking to totally let go and have their all their needs personally addressed—a more relaxing all-about-me New Year?

But for those looking for a more full-service experience this New Year, New York’s hottest club is Flurgenbergen. Inspired by a Translation of the Swedish Chef Muppet, Flurgenbergen has everything. Nude Dolphin massage, leeching, morbidly obese celebrity impersonator Beyoncé Rolls, indoor camping and even a human ceiling fan—It’s when a midget holds on to a twisted elastic band attached to the ceiling, and spins so fast that his chubby legs recirculate air.

[LE FIN.]

[juniorstaffchronicles]

A Very Stefon New Year

This is the week we despise most live for here at JSC.

Each year, the brutal stretch between Christmas and New Years separates the men from the boys. And no, we don’t mean this in terms of brute strength, endurance or sperm count—rather in the ability to effectively procrastinate without cracking.  With only about 30 minutes of billable work each day, and minimal expectation from our superiors, we have to rely heavily on creativity, wit and a heavy dose of self-stimulation (no, not like that) to get by.

Luckily, at JSC, we are professional procrastinators.

In today’s installment, we create the ultimate mad lib. Paying tribute to one of our favorite fictional (or is it?) characters on TV: The Fresh Prince, Skeeter from Doug Stefon, SNL Weekend Update’s City Correspondent—we took it upon ourselves to create our own  Stefonisms, aka ridiculous nightclub recommendations only found in a gay sociopath’s deel REM cycle.

We think you’ll enjoy this, so without further ado, we present you two posts: Layla and Rory's original take on  “A Very Stefon New Year” (hereafter, AVSNY).

-----------------------------------

Notes:

1.) If you are somehow new - or completely foreign - to Stefon, then please, for the love of hampster filled dumplings, watch this and educate (/TREAT) yo self: http://www.hulu.com/watch/309563/saturday-night-live-weekend-update-stefon

[juniorstaffchronicles]

Pub Service Announcement.

In related tragedy, Carol never wore her safety goggles....

From our hearth to yours, please - eat, drink and conduct lab experiments wisely this New Year.

[juniorstaffchronicles]

It's been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. In this scenario, we'd argue a thousand bucks also.

In case you're strapped for time (and ca$h), we've taken the liberty to address this scenario 5(L)W style.

Who: Just a coupla horn dawgs

What: The Humpty Dance

Where: Undisclosed dog park in LA

When: The iron's hot

Why: Season for giving

Special photo credit to Huey's parents for capturing this special moment on camera. Also, go ahead and click on the photo -- we think you'll like what happens.

#PlayasGonPlay

[juniorstaffchronicles]

Mo' CRACKronyms

The only thing more addictive than crack itself is the glorified game of crackronyms. (With soy corndogs coming in close at #2. Just kidding. Unless you're into that - in which case, call me.)

This time, JSC's Malik* and Layla* crack the proverbial whip with a round that includes anglican monkeys, neon transvestites, flaming armadillos and a whole lotta farts.

Read on -- you know you want to.

(*Names slightly altered to create illusion of diversity.)

4:09 PM Malik:

gaem on.

god always eats mayonaisse

greek acrobats exfoliate manically

geezers attack edible monsters

gilded apples encourage murder

4:12 PM Layla:

god DOES always eat mayonaise huh?

Grown Ants Enter Metamorphosis

Gracious Aunts Enter Metropolises

Malik:

geeks anthropomorphize anglican monkeys

woops

english monkeys

4:15 PM Layla:

how dare you

Guys, anal exacerbates me. 

[leaves to take a shower after typing that]

Grandpas and Emus Mate!

Gross, Anna exclaims miserably.

Growup all. Eesh. Merrrrr.

4:18 PM Malik:

gizmos alight! eat merrily!

gringos aight, eh mang?

4:21 PM Layla:

God accidentally evacuated Mars.

Malik:

well that explains a lot.

Layla:

I know

I wish we had known sooner

Gangsters Abbreviate Ebonics, Mayyyyyyneeeee

4:23 PM Malik:

goobers advise ecstasy moshpit

(i'd be right in there with the goobers)

Layla:

GERBILS annihilate ethiopian males.

at pet co

on weekends

4:26 PM Malik:

germs atomized equals meningitis

4:27 PM Layla:

this is a: game anyone enjoys, mostly.

4:28 PM Malik:

gaem

 Layla:

*gaem

crackronyms - not for the fant of heart.

FANT

4:29 PM Malik:

figures attack neurologist's tenacity

firemen are not tanks

4:29 PM Layla:

foolish androids nix t-9....word

Feminists are not tools

(opposite day)

4:31 PM Malik:

few africans need testarosas

4:31 PM Layla:

fembots - allover neighbor territory.

fish ate nemo, travesty!

fine, Al, nevermind then.

fucking atheists, never tolerant.

4:33 PM Malik:

foofighters amp newlyweds, tantric

4:34 PM Layla:

foopas - always negative, Tiffany.

Malik:

fugly africans nix tapeworms

Layla:

fingers and nails, tasty.

Malik:

farts are not tame

4:35 PM Layla:

^ true dat

Malik:

seriously. i had lasagna AND vietnamese food for lunch.

Layla:

Stop right there

4:36 PM Malik:

fantastic, andy's not tootin.

(fart theme!)

Layla:

fartin' all night, thankfully.

wow im laughing like a 5 yr old boy

its cool

4:37 PM Malik:

haha, me too. headphones in, laughing about farts.

Layla: just two kindred spirits

typin to each other about farts

4:39 PM Malik:

finally, a necessary temptation.

Layla:

well played

4:40 PM Malik:

fly, argyle ninjas. tree-level.

Layla:

flipping aquasocks, never transparent.

Funny? Apparently not, trunklegs.

Malik:

hahahahahahahahhahaha

yes

Fine, Annie. Not tonight.

Layla:

Fundip and narcotics - treadlightly.

4:43 PM Malik:

filching assholes. not today!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=filching

Layla:

FLAMING ARMADILLOS. never trustworthy.

thanks for the education.

filch away, neon tranny.

--malik

4:45 PM Malik:

 that was during the ecstasy moshpit. don't judge.

[Curtain drop. Clap on strobe light. Fog machine. We out.]

[juniorstaffchronicles]

Me and Alec

God damn it, Zynga. If I told you once, I told you five thousand fucking times, don't get my ass kicked off of planes and don't get me fired from my good-for-nothing-pay-my-rent-timewaste job. No, not for playing Farmville (if you're reading this and do play Farmville or any variation thereof, you're already fucked - real money for virtual produce - are you fucking serious?).

I'm talking Words With Friends - the subtle Scrabble knockoff.

You have the god damn audacity to take me away from what could be a fruitful and productive day? The audacity to make me read the fucking dictionary? The audacity to get Alec Baldwin kicked off of a plane? Who the fuck do you think you are?

A fucking godsend - that's what you are. I can A) play whenever I want B) drop a duece and play at the same time C) share a hobby with an abusive, pill popping, alchy TV star. Where else can you get a trifecta of that caliber?

Don't even try to answer that.

Now some variations on the straight-forward, just spell anything tactic.

1) Themes (The Alec Baldwin version below)

2) Insult your opponent (self explanatory)

3) Use it as an opportunity to say things to an opponent of the opposite sex that you couldn't get away with in daily conversation - suggestive, insulting, graphic.

Game on.

[juniorstaffchronicles]

The Swexter: Don't Knock It Till You've Rocked It

Have you ever rolled out of bed (or whatever it is that you sleep in) one morning and thought to yourself: Well boys*, looks like it's gonna be a swexter day?

(*Boys in this scenario may signify one's biceps, stuffed animals, pet furbies or more mundanely, one's fellow roommates)

No, you haven't. Because no right-minded, sober person would ever willfully choose to wear a swexter. A swexter chooses you during your weakest moments of fashion deprivation.

At this point many all of you are probably wondering: WTF is a swexter.

Allow us to clarify.

To say that a singular definition of swexter exists would be like trying to convince your babysitter that there is only one volume of Land Before Time. Ignorant, false and downright offensive.

Though we could spend all day fleshing these out, we unfortunately have a real job to (pretend to) do. So, we will provide you a few thought-starters, instead. A swexter (n.) is an original term coined by the JSC staff, which is taken from the English words for "sex" and "sweater." Definitions include:

A piece of clothing that has the ability to IMMEDIATELY negate any semblance of sexual arousal

A top that creates the illusion of a 50-80 lb weight gain

A fashion choice that looks not unlike the rug in your dentist's office

A knitted sheep that you, and the rest of your extended family (give or take 2 neighbors from across the street), owns and dawns in unison at family holiday functions -- see below

You get the idea.

In honor of holiday party season, here you have it. The first installment in what will undoubtedly be an ongoing series of swexter posts.

In the words of Bill Cosby: “The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.”

Jam on.

[juniorstaffchronicles]

CRACKronyms

There is something about Caps Lock that reverts even the most apt spellers back to a level of competency that would make Mavis Beacon roll over in her virtual grave.

But understanding Caps Lock’s main purpose among us JSC-ers is to communicate inexplicable rage, we’d figure we’d turn our missteps into the single greatest procrastination tool ever.

Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of all of us here at JSC, I am thrilled to introduce CRACKronyms -- a game in which any spelling misstep can be quickly and fervently turned into an acronym. Here are the rules:

 Letter should always represent the first letter of the word (There are exceptions, like this)

Spacebar optional

+1 for references to sex, pop culture or a colleague

Folks, be prepared to kiss your workplace productivity goodbye, and welcome to the wonderful world of Crackronyms—enjoy!

[Samples from members of the JSC squad after the jump.]

Layla [9:37 AM]:  

 (guess what I did this morning.)

 Rory [9:37 AM]:

djembe jam sesh?

breakfast with colin powell? watched the director's cut of lady and the tramp? 

gargled dish soap?

Layla [9:38 AM]: wow, all of that wouldve been so much cooler

Rory [9:38 AM]:   

sanded a marimba?

Layla [9:38 AM]:  

i went to a 7am workout class

for ballerinas

Rory [9:38 AM]:  

BALLER inas

Layla [9:38 AM]:  

/black schwans

ballet BALLIN'

and then i came into work

Rory [9:45 AM]:  

kudos on blackschwanship

black swanson

ron swanson

  [After a 15 minute attempt at productivity] 

Layla [9:59 AM]:  

i am physically resigned from work today

lets play our game

Rory [10:02 AM]:  

BWOL

go

Layla [10:03 AM]:  

Ballers Without Obeying Lawyers

Rory [10:03 AM]:  

Bruce Willis' Owns Lesbians

Layla [10:04 AM]:  

Beyonce Wants Obamas Life

Rory [10:05 AM]:  

Barbie's Wasted Organ Loofah

Big Willy's Onerous Lunchbox

Bogota's Weed? Only Leaves

Bears Want Old Lunchmeats

Beaniebabies. Waste of Lunchmoney

Layla [10:09 AM]:  

AIGHT.

Rory [10:10 AM]:

is that your choice?

or declaration

Layla [10:10 AM]:  

declaration

TAHT

Tim Allen - Home Timprovement

This apartment hosts twelve

Rory [10:12 AM]:  

Those artists HATE target

Layla [10:12 AM]:  

Thunderstorms Alarm Haggard Teenagers

Trina? Always hugging trees

Rory [10:13 AM]:  

Togas Aren't hot, tia&tamaramowry

Layla [10:13 AM]:  

Tell ArnoldScwharzenneger He Tight

Time After Hella Time.... Cyndia Laupers So Cal Album

Rory [10:13 AM]: 

Treme Aint HBO's Topshow

Layla [10:14 AM]:  

To AlbertEinsten, How Typical

Rory [10:15 AM]:  

Trolls Ate Harriet Tubman

Layla [10:16 AM]:  

Tell Adolf Hitler To: ____ Holocaust Mad Libs

[Done for the day? Of course not.]

Rory [3:49 PM]:

MAYEB?

Rory [3:49 PM]:  

Maggie and Yolanda Eat Burritos

Layla [3:49 PM]:  

Might Aliens Yell "EARTH BITES!"?

Me and You Entertain Bitches

Maya Angelou Yearns4 E-Bonics

Rory [3:52 PM]:  

Margarine aint your everyday butter

#sponsored

Layla [3:52 PM]:  

#Icantbelieveitsnot

My aunt, Yolanda, Exercises Better.......with Kanye's workout routine

Rory [3:54 PM]:  

Male Astroauts Yodel & Ejaculate Briefly

LIN?

Legos indicate niños

Layla [3:59 PM]:  

Listen, I'm New.

Look, I've Nudged, Long Into Neverland.

Rory [4:02 PM]:  

Ladies. I've NEVER Lost In Noodling

Lumpy Is Notsexy

Layla [4:02 PM]:  

Lox is Narsty

Rory [4:02 PM]:  

Lube is Noteworthy

Layla [4:03 PM]:  

Lamb is Nutritious

Rory [4:03 PM]:  

Lamp is not

Layla [4:03 PM]:  

Lord I'm Nerdy

*Note: JSC Staff Names have been altered slightly for the sake of continued employment.

There you have it: an exercise in CRACKronyms. Be sure to keep an eye out for future installments. Ya HAERD?

[juniorstaffchronicles]

Health News Done Right

Let’s face it: when it comes to junior level tasks, daily monitoring reports pass the mundanity test in flying colors.

That is, until stories like this one pop up.

’Viagra in a Condom’ May Make Futura a Target

By Trista Kelly

Bloomberg

December 7, 2011

A new condom that aims to enhance erections may also lift earnings and buyout prospects for unprofitable U.K. drugmaker Futura Medical Plc. Durex condoms made by partner Reckitt Benckiser Group Plc will contain a dose of Futura’s Zanifil gel inside the tip, boosting blood flow within the penis. The product results in firmer, larger and longer-lasting erections for men who may find wearing condoms challenging, according to Futura.

Survey says: Genius.

(The innovation itself of course, and the fact that we were both able and required to send this as an FYI to colleagues across the globe).

Touché, Futura. We anxiously await a verdict.

[juniorstaffchronicles]

If you haven’t watched this video yet, then you should probably scold yourself, dim the lights and do so immediately. It should be noted that Shithea quotes are valid at all times, under all circumstances, indivisible, with liberty and justice for Bono. Thanks, computer.

[juniorstaffchronicles]

Mission Statement

We've all been there.

It's 12 pm. You're sitting in a moderately supportive office chair, the hands of the clock are looking at you all smug and motionless, and the thought of drop-kicking the closest Canon printer is more appealing than that of applying yourself to your day job.

Well, fellow compatriots: fear no more.

In an effort to combat workplace boredom and stimulate young minds everywhere, we -- the Junior Staff -- have united in blogdom to bring you a steady supply of internet tomfoolery, half-invented word games, and other sources of infinite jest that have undergone extensive testing in our lab.

We are young.

We are creative.

We work 9-5, boomerang style.

And we refuse to be stunted.

This is our method of survival. And our mission is to spread it.

Welcome aboard,

Your JSC Contributors