Professional Internet Panda Person. Also I do art and stuff! No minors pls. There's not really any nsfw in here afaik but still. Born 1985, trans bi/pan poly and other stuff. I get really dizzy sometimes. Theoretically I stream also.
It’s been an hour and a half, and you still cannot get your brain to shut down and fall asleep. You’ve been tossing and turning in bed, trying every position you can possibly think of in the hopes that one of them will be comfortable enough to knock you out. None of them have, and you’re finally at your wits’ end when you hear the telltale thumping of your giant friend’s footsteps. You watch him approach, his eyes locked onto you with amusement.
“I thought you were taking a nap?”
“…I can’t sleep,” you admit.
You watch him bend down to meet you at eye level, folding his arms at the edge of the table your bed sits on and resting his chin on them.
“Hmm, and why do you think that is?” he asks with a glint in his eyes, as if he already knows exactly why you can’t sleep.
You look away in defeat. You’d wanted to see if you could give him a break from holding you all the time, to finally use the bed he’d painstakingly made for you, but your efforts to fall asleep without him have been fruitless.
“I told you it wasn’t going to work.”
You huff in frustration, but it doesn’t last long as his hand reaches toward you, his index extending outward to brush over the top of your head, trailing down the side of your face before tilting your chin up toward him. You feel weak in the knees under his warm gaze.
“I know you think you bother me, but might I remind you that you’re only three and a half inches tall and barely fit in the palm of my hand? It’s really not that hard to take care of you.”
You find yourself cowed as he so intently reminds you of your size difference, looking down meekly when he pulls his hand back and hiding under your blanket. You hear him laugh softly.
“You’re such a dork, c’mere…”
You gasp when you feel his hand gently wrap around you, scooping you up in your blanket and lifting you to his chest.
“You keep focusing on how you think I feel, but you’re not taking the time to consider how I actually feel about this. You’re not a burden, and you need to stop treating yourself like one,” he gently scolds as he tucks you close to him, his thumb stroking over the little bundle in his hands as you continue to hide beneath your blanket.
He slowly walks from the bedroom to the living room, and you feel a moment of vertigo as he lowers himself onto the couch. You feel your weight now resting on his chest as he cuddles you close, holding you over his heart. His chest vibrates deeply as he speaks.
“Now then, do you know how I feel when I get to hold you like this all the time?”
You peek out of the blanket just enough to see his eyes watching you with warmth and love. He smiles as he sees you, and he carefully pulls the blanket back just enough to see you a little bit more. He strokes his thumb across the side of your face.
“I feel whole,” he starts with a smile. “I love holding you. I love the way you perfectly fit in one of my hands, or how small you look when you’re sleeping on my chest. I can’t get enough of it, and it worries me that you think holding you bothers me.”
You hide back under the blanket, feeling embarrassed that you had your thoughts on how he saw your relationship so blatantly incorrect. He takes a deep breath, continuing to idly stroke you as he talks quietly.
“Do you remember the first time we met, and how terrified you were?” he asks fondly.
You nod your head in response.
“Every time I hold you now, it’s a reminder of just how much you trust me, and how honored I am that I’ve earned that trust.”
You think back to that day yourself, having been cornered after what was by far the worst day of your life. You thought that once he found you, that was going to be the end, only to instead be treated not like a thing or a pest, but like the tiny person you are. You were carefully calmed down, scooped off of the floor, cradled in their hands, and he began to slowly coax you out of your survival mindset. Once you learned to trust him, you found out very quickly just how soothing it can be to be held by someone so many times bigger than you when you know you’re safe with them.
Just as you had then, you start to feel sleepy as his warmth surrounds you. His heart beating right beneath his chest lulls you into a state of deep calm. You curl inward, letting his massive hands cradle you as you snuggle up in your blanket, feeling his fingers gently tighten around you, making sure you feel protected and secure.
“I promise you, if you can’t sleep without me, then I’ll make sure you never have to. You just relax and let me take care of you.”
You feel his thumb move, sharply inhaling when you feel it gently resting on the side of your face. He carefully holds your head down, making sure you’re hearing his heartbeat loud and clear. You yawn as you soak in his attention and affection, and soon enough, you find yourself drifting off, feeling less guilty and more satisfied knowing that him holding you brings him so much joy and fulfillment.
You two may be incredibly codependent, but the bond you share is unbreakable. He’s made it clear that he’s not upset by it, and now, neither are you.
And in these next 50 years you will eat so many delicious meals, laugh so many times with so many people you love, shout and scream and sing and cry and smile so hard your face hurts. And you will see such beautiful sunsets and feel fresh cold air on your face and feel warm and safe wrapped up in your favourite winter coat.
time + work = healing (a soft sequel to this comic)
(Boulet is a phenomenal French writer and artist who will draw his friends as recognizable fictional characters in his autobio comics for their privacy.)
Important Update: ADHD Coach Tomoyo thankfully approves of this comic.
I had to explain to them who Tomoyo is and the premise of the show they're from, and they loved everything about the character choice, and also that y'all know people like them exist to help you out. They also said they wish they could take every single one of you on as clients... curse the limitations of their flesh and bones.
I’ve been waiting to post this one for a little while now! This comic was made for the Inky Paws Zine, a collaborative fiction zine created by nonhumans and alterhumans!
In hindsight, I should’ve probably leaned a little bit more into making this a fictional piece to better fit the zine’s theme…nevertheless, I’m still happy with it! This was something I created to try and articulate some of my personal feelings about my species dysphoria through the lens of someone who’s also trans, and maybe feels that those two identities are really the same.
The first panel is of a person wearing a binder and shorts, with plasters on their stomach and upper arm. They have an uncomfortable expression and are saying “…”. The text reads “I dislike trying to explain my dysphoria to most people. I’m nonbinary, so the topic comes up a lot. It’s inescapable.”
The second panel is of the same person walking through a crowd, back turned away, but head turned towards us. The text reads “But how do I tell my trans-friendly doctor, or my queer trans peers when they ask what my ideal body would look like?…”
The third panel is four drawings. The first is of that person with a disgruntled expression and their arms crossed. The second is of hands transforming into paws. The third is of an animal’s mouth. The fourth is of a pair of ears and a tail. The text reads “…that my hands wouldn’t be hands? Paws, and a maw full of sharp teeth… …long ears… …and a tail to keep me steady.”
The fourth panel is a drawing of a creature that looks like a wolf, but with long ears like a rabbit, and a long tail. The text reads “…not human at all. They’d think I was crazy.”
The fifth panel is a drawing of the person looking happy, sitting on the creature’s tail in what looks to be a kitchen. The text reads “My shape would be strange, but it would be mine. I’d revel in it. …if only.”
[image id addition: according to a reply from OP, the person isnt wearing plasters; the device on the arm is an insulin pump, and the device on the stomach is a glucose monitor. end id addition.]
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