Daydreaming In The Real World

I come from a long line of lunatics, I'll never be fine. (Trigger warning!)

[xbloody-thighs-hollow-eyesx]

here’s to so many that were lost this year

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

I did what you asked, sir. Did I do it right? I'm sorry, sir. Please don't yell. I'll do it better next time, I swear. I'm sorry, please dont hit me again. I'll make it up to you. I love you. I'll prove it, I promise. One more chance. Please. I wont mess it up. Thank you, sir.

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

I don't get it. I'm there for everyone, and I feel no one does the same for me. Maybe I'm just selfish, but I want friends too.Thats all I ever wanted, was somebody.

[barelycomposed-blog]

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

Today was the first day in a year in a half that you did not text me.. Today is the day I finally broke

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

I'm leaving you for good you have this is the hardest part I know that I should but you're still attached to my heart I can't believe what I'm about to say but you know this day was the proof that I needed you ignored me all the time and now this time it's permanent I'm leaving for good and I'm sorry to say we had a good time but we have to go our separate ways so goodbye to you and everything you have I could see you around sometime but I never will I don't even know what to say anymore like I'm so f****** pissed maybe it's my fault but maybe it's not twisted my brain into a manipulative call that I can't even tell what's right or wrong with it I am right or I am wrong you make me feel like I'm always wrong even though I know from other people that you're the one doing wrong you played me and took advantage of my depression and you cause me to have without constantly in my head when you said that you were coming back you lied when you said that you love me so you lied when you said you'll never leave me you lied I kept my promises I am by your side I kept them for years I still keep them now will you treat me like s*** I still keep my promises upkeep what I make I told you I've never let you go that I'll always be by your side I'll be there if you need me and not once have you ever come to me and I brushed you off like it was nothing but I don't see that for me you take your own issues expect everyone else to listen to you but right now he won't listen to me if you are reading this listen to me I need the support still I need you to just listen I am hurting you are doing everything without me like nothing ever face do you like we never broke up We Never Loved you are doing everything and I understand you told me you love me but he was away if you love someone you care about someone that much you wouldn't want to leave them you want to be their friend but you aren't treating me like your friend I asked a simple thing I asked you to let me know if you're leaving so I do not worry I'm leaving few for good yeah this is the hardest part I know that I should but you're still attached to my heart I can't believe I'm about to say but you know this day was a proof that I needed you ignored me all the time and all this time its permanent I'm leaving for good and I'm sorry to say we had a good time but we have to go our separate ways so goodbye to you and everything you have I could see you around sometime but I did I ever well I don't even know what to say anymore like I am so f****** pissed and maybe its my fault but maybe it's not you twisted my brain into a manipulative, that I can't even tell was right or wrong with that I am right or I am wrong you make me feel like I'm always wrong even though I know from other people that you're the one doing wrong you played me and took advantage of my depression and you cause me to have the doubt constantly my head when you said that you were coming back you lied when you said that you love me so you lied when you said you'll never leave me you lied I kept my promises I am by your side I kept them for years I still keep them now you know you treat me like s*** I still keep my promises I keep what I make I told you I'd never let you go that I owe ways be by your side I'll be there if you need me and not once have you ever come to me and I brush you off like it was nothing but I don't see that for me you take your own issues expect everyone else to listen to you but right now give won't listen to me if you're reading this listen to me I need the support so I need you to just listen I am hurting you are doing everything without me like nothing ever phased you like we never broke up with never loved you are doing everything and I don't understand you told me you love me but you was away if you love someone caring about someone that much you would have one to leave then you will want to be their friend but you aren't treating me like your friends I asked a simple think I asked you to let me know if you're leaving so I do not worry so I do not worry whether you're are doing something to hurt yourself last night I am most texted your mother because I was scared I have my f****** mind and you didn't even care whether I was safe or not you didn't care whether I was hurting or happy or anything like that you just brush me off like I was absolutely nothing and I'm sick of being your nothing I am sick of only getting a message when you feel like it I am only human being I can only take so much pain and I'm at my limit this is not a suicide letter. This is my goodbye. Goodbye Jacob Daniel minor. Goodbye to her forever I promise because I promise is kept between two people you broke your end and why should I keep mine. I love you and I know you don't feel the same about me anymore I'm sorry I don't even know why I'm saying sorry but I'm sorry. goodbye.

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

You’ve hurt me, you’ve healed me. You've kissed me, you've fought me. You listened, and you ignored me. But most of all you loved me, but disowned me .

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

You punch me. Your hands around my neck. You hold me down and scream words that make me squint. Your hands getting tighter and tighter, I couldn't breath for the life of me. I kicked and hit but nothing could pull me away from you. The funny part is, you never touched me.

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

When you low key want to create acts of violence on your self or others.

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

Why don't you care about me anymore? What did I ever do to you?

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

Everyone always told me to give up on you. To stop talking to you and let you go. I didn't listen Cause I loved you. I saw potential in you. You were my everything... now.. you're giving up on me, boy was J wrong.. they were right.

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

Today is the day you stopped trying to keep me.

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

You know I'm always here for you.

I don’t know that. 

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

I'm a miserable addict, addicted to the words you spill. I'm withdrawing hard because you took away the one thing I needed the most. The soft whispers of your voice gently hitting my ear. You took away the words that kept me going and gave me motivation and left me in a deteriorating pile, of my own self loathing. You left me to try to fill the void that you left. My ears aching for the sound of your raspy voice, deep but gentle. It pierced me like a needle filling my veins with pure desire. Wanting more, that i know I'm never going to have again.

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

I talk to you, and you don't answer, and then when I ignore you to see. You'll actually take tine to see if I'm okay or text me you don't, you just ignore me, and you've been online all day ... Urg I'm really breaking I don't understand.

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

It hasn't been this bad since I was beaten and bruised. Now I'm still in pain but by a broken fuse.

[just-that-suicidal-angel]

I'm no longer an importance in the life. And the worst part is.... you don't care.