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āļ½”ĖāHold me, and never let go. Part 2!
Summary: You have your doubts sometimes, about the future, and Near hates it, because, if you don't like being here, does that mean he has failed? After all, the only thing he really needs, it's you. Near x reader
Go back to masterlist: Here
Warnings: Very very subtle angst, in general, its tooth rotting fluff.
Series: Part one: Here Part two: You're in there :)
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ā...Will you be mad if I tell you I still don't get it?
Near sighed, it was impressive how could you win any game outside without much effort, but not being able to understand basic algebra.
āWhat is it that you don't understand?
Both of you were sitting on his room's cold floor, lately, spring had been quite awful, sun burnt like it did on summer, so being indoors was nice even for you.
You'd been here more times than you'd like to admit, it felt more like home than any other place did, you sometimes left clothes just in case, even if Near disapproved it and told you to leave as soon as you could.
You looked up at the window, ignoring his words, there was a tree close to it, not that big to invade, but enough to create a nice shadow, sunlight coming in soft lines. You had watered it since you were ten, it gave you some kind of comfort to watch a living being grow; you wondered for a second, how would it feel to be a plant?
It was almost sunset, perhaps in an hour or so, saying that based on how orangish and yellowish the sky looked like.
āHave you ever... thought what might be out there?
Your voice sounded unusually calm, trying to focus on a bird chirping on a barely stable branch. Near closed his notebook, already knowing where this was leading, homework could wait, you were far more important than some numbers, and if you didn't have time left, guess he'd have no other option than let you copy his.
āAnd what had you concluded?
He stared into the carpet, this topic made him slightly tense, it made him think about the future, not that it showed. He wouldn't always be here, one day he'd be able to leave, and you'd be able to do so as well, and world wouldn't be as easy as it might be by now. Would you keep contact?
ā...That it isn't as far as our actual reality.
His response was short, straight to the point, you didn't expect much more coming from him, he had never been one to like philosophy, it was what it was, logic had to remain.
āI think... that outside world is much more interesting compared to here
He stared, almost with questioning eyes, encouraging you to continue on.
You sighed, both of your hands were up, almost as if they were showing an inexistent reality, it felt like it.
āYeah! Just... think about it! Here, we always have the same routine, the same activities, same foods, same everything! It gets repetitive!
You lowered your hands back down, holding your pencil, while drawing invisible things, it was entretaining, and let you organize your thoughts easily.
āI just... Wished there was something else, y'know? It drains my energy to always do the same.
Unconsciously, he clenched his fists. Of course, listening to you vent was nothing new, but each time you talked about this topic, that was completely separate, did his presence also make you tired?
ā...There are different things, you just decide not to see them. We don't learn the same every day, our classmates grow, sometimes there are new kids... there are actual changes.
He was avoiding anything that could make you think he was being vulnerable, voice static, and firm. His head was tilted, looking to the side. It was simple, his words weren't anything deep, but they meant something, to him at least.
You sighed, not fully getting it. Sure, there were changes, but nothing significant.
āI get that, but... It's frustrating... I want something bigger than that.
Enough of this. He didn't want this conversation.
āHm. Considering that, then you really should study more.
That took you off guard, the sudden comment made you scoff. Your eyebrows were furrowed now. Who did he believe he was to tell you that? You chuckled slightly, lightly poking his shoulder.
āHey! I'll get far with or without math!
He hummed, almost in a way that you were certain he was mocking you, or teasing you. He grabbed the pencil from your hand; you weren't putting any force into your grip.
āBut it will be better if you do it with it.
āI was telling you something!
You reached for the notebooks, wanting to throw them far away, but almost on cue, he was quicker, taking both of them and placing them on his lap, a hand on top of them.
āWe can talk about it after we finish this.
That wasn't weird, your emotions could go from zero to a million in milliseconds. It pissed you off to be ignored, you knew he wasn't doing this with that intention, but you still were able to feel like it. So, you practically tackled him (more like jumped to him, even if sat), getting your torso to lay on his hand above your notebooks, a soft "oof" coming from his lips.
Near groaned your name, breath hitching at the unusual weight, he tried to get himself away, but you had practically pinned him in place.
You interlaced your fingers with his, making him flinch slightly, it was a trap, you got his hand out along the notebooks, and pushed them under the bed, it's not like they were impossible to reach now, but it brought you some peace to not have them at arm length.
He was finally able to not release himself, but push you to the side, he started to overwhelm slightly, not being used to so much physical contact at once.
For a moment, you didn't say anything, only sat up again and observed him, looking troubled. Was your game too much? Did he consider it a game?
He hated this, fortunately he knew how to mask his own emotions, only pressing his lips together with force, but he still felt, it was real, it's not like you'd discover the reason behind his action, but he did, and it only made him think about it more and more.
Your voice usually brought him a calming itch. Right now, it was as a trumpet being played straight into his ear, too loud.
ā...Can we only do homework so you can go?
āWhy are you being like this all out of a sudden? We were ok! And just as I told you about a future, you avoided it!
āPlease, letās justā¦ do another thing.
He was such a workaholic, you hated it, he just couldnāt relax and enjoy the moment, even now he kept teaching you and do what he was supposed to. That was probably why he was forcing you both to continue and not wonder about the future, heās too focused on being the successor he has to be.
āNo! Youāre always thinking about homework and study and- you should know when to let go! Iām always bragging you only so you can rest or have fun!
āOh, donāt play dumb with me! In fact, you know what? Weāre going to have a great time!
āHere, I won't do homework, it's not like I'll fail, I already have the necessary to pass. So, you, me, and the lake past the woods!
Near couldn't protest. You were already standing up and yanking his hand, and even if he was against you ditching studies... a distraction from the future would be helpful, and if necessary, he would straight up answer the exercises for you.
He stood up as well, following you. You started to get a high speed, almost running but not quite, not wanting to just drag him along.
As you passed through the halls, some stared at you, not that none of you really cared. Your main focus wasn't opinions right now.
He was such an idiot, always putting his career and expectations prior rather than his own feelings, yet, you made a promise, and you would keep it, to protect and defend him, and even if it meant to protect him from himself, well, so be it, because he was your friend, no, best friend, hell, he was your family, and you wouldnāt let him do this.
There were mumbles and judging stares, he had already got used to them, they came from people who just liked to label him, as someone detached, smart, but not emotional available. They couldnāt see further than what they thought, what they have made out of him in their minds.
They were loud, not even discreet to keep their critiques to themselves, no, they were almost yelling it, even if they were only whispers, he still heard them, he hated how much people seemed to also mess with you, he knew you were more of a social butterfly, but in a place where everyone speaks about everyone behind each other backs, you werenāt safe either.
At the same time, all he could think about was you. You that even if he pushed you away harshly the first time you met, managed to pass through his faƧade as if it was the easiest thing in the world. And it was easy to you, you could practically just stand in front of him, and all the walls that he kept up surrounding him would break, brick by brick falling down.
Sure, you could go a bit off with your deductions from his acts, but even if you didnāt know exactly what was wrong, you could sense it, and youād do anything you were able to make him happy, or at the worst case, neutral again.
How cruel you were, making him question himself about the future, when the only thing he could ever truly want, he already had it. Had he been failing as a proper companion?
Time passed as quickly as it could when you were around, it flied, he hoped he could just capture any moment with you and slow it down, for it to last forever.
As you started to get outside, entering the garden, you slowed your pace, he found it pleasing, because he was aware it was only due to the plants, you always respected them, respected each life, sometimes you couldnāt do it as much as you wanted, but you tried to, and that was far more than the average.
One time you cried thanks to a classmate killing a bee, eyes glimmering with tears forming as you attempted not to make a tantrum in front of everyone and get in trouble, but he noticed it, of course he would remember that, the mere action had made his chest shrink in discomfort, he didnāt like that look on your face, the one that was just only about to cry.
His own perception of you made him feel the same, having trouble breathing, confusing over how he should appear to your eyes or anyone else. It had no logic, the way he worried over you, the concern that fogged his brain each time you mentioned something about leaving.
Sun still burnt, made his pale skin feel slightly ticklish, Near paid no mind to it, he was busy reflecting on a few minutes about all his analysis. You said something about pebbles, tables and music, whatever that meant together in a sentence, he was unusually distracted. How foolish, he couldnāt understand you because he was wondering how to understand you.
The light hit you, making you look almost like a glowing bulb, the image made him scoff in his mind, you could also be compared to an angel, always cheery and filled with determination. You werenāt facing him, too focused on your own world as well, eyes in the path, avoiding to forget the track and get both of you lost, well, he knew the way back, but it was amusing to see your mind gears spinning.
His cheeks warmed up at the idea of you having wings and a halo, he blamed the heat to it.
As you passed through the fences, finally entering the āforestā, the lake starting to be in sight. What had just been a floor made out of soil and grass, slowly started to turn into sand, the noise of water flowing got to his senses, and he found himself taking a deep breath.
The whole thing you said earlier, about letting things go hit him, you were partially right, he noticed calming down with you was worth it. His heart beat stopped being so constant and more likely taking a steady pace, away from professors, away from people, he could get even more used to it than he was.
āā¦You havenāt said anything since we left your roomā¦ Are youā¦ okay?
Your voice interrupted his chain of thoughts, and he caught the way you fiddled with your shirt, finding comfort in it. He had kept a deadpan face all the way here, you thought maybe it had been a bad idea, that he hadnāt stop being mad, that you ruined something.
His eyes softened when he told you so, and if it had been other person, they wouldnāt be having the relieved expression you were showing right now.
āGood! Because thereās this thing Iāve been collecting-
Your words start to blurry, he gets the main idea, you want to throw pebbles, youāve been coming here often, and whatever you told him before about tables and music made sense now, there were two tables just under some trees, and music sounded from the other side of the lake, a soft melody that sounded familiar, as if he had listened to it before.
You let go of his hand, and heās ashamed by the disappointment that fulfills his heart when you do so, missing the warmth of your fingers and palm already, what had started as something he always rejected, was turning into a life line, your presence was turning into that, the only good thing he got from his existence.
The temperature was starting to cool down, wind getting stronger as you sneezed, rubbing your nose with your sleeve, giving him a soft āThank youā after he said āBless youā. You reached the end of the path successfully, and sat down carefully, feet only a few inches away from touching the water, and there they were, a small mountain of little rocks, you pat the spot next to you, looking expectantly to him joining in.
He didnāt hesitate, sitting down as you grabbed a pebble, smiling at him, orangish sky reflecting on his face as the sun began to set, you couldnāt have chosen a cheesier time to bring him here.
You stare for a few seconds, he has eyebags, not the kind youād expect from a fifteen-year-old, but dark ones, with a faint violet shade on them, you were aware of that since a long time ago, but now that you really consider it, he probably held insomnia, if he couldnāt even last long without stressing, you couldnāt imagine how awful his rest must be.
Your sighing, not out of pity, but justā¦ doing so, because you didnāt even know if you were being helpful. You wanted to push, to ask him again about his plans, about his opinions, but it only seems as it would make him more bothered, and thatās the last thing youād desire.
So, you finally throw it, hand anxiously shaking with no reason, the rock does a small jump when you do so, and before you could get excited that it actually works, it drowns itself to the bottom of the lake, as if it had been swallowed just as it touched the surface, your look showing disappointment in its primitive form.
Near couldnāt help but crack a smile at the sight, lightly sneering while looking away, not wanting to make you feel bad at your poor technique, and you canāt bring yourself to believe so.
You accomplished to make Near smile, the one and only Near, known for his cold and unexpressive demeanor, even if only a second, you did so. You thought he was uncapable of showing his feelings, and though you should be offended over why did he react like this, your heart only races to the sound.
After he recovers from his slip up, he picks up one as well with delicacy, of course heād tease you without doing it directly, probably showing off how good he was naturally in everything. But youāre proven wrong.
His pebble doesnāt even jump once as yours did, it only reaches the water and submerse without putting up any fight, doing a āPlopā sound. You expected for him to be somewhat surprised, or offended by the physics not going his way. But he throws you off guard, heās still smiling, and a soft chuckle leaves his mouth, the other hand that hadnāt touched your surroundings covering his mouth.
This is so stupid, youāre so stupid, he doesnāt get why; itās still awkward to him, how you can make him free in a way that nothing else does. And the way youāre looking at him now? As if he was an alien? It makes the fact that he didnāt really mean to toss it even funnier, he knows how to do this, if he wanted, he could do so again and it would jump around four times, but itās just, nice, to see heās not the only one finding this interesting.
His laughter comes out sincere, genuine, nothing like what you would expect, as if somehow failing to throw a rock was the funniest thing in the world, so much that it could break his mask, making it crack.
And it just sounds even more beautiful than the music playing in the backroom. Itās such a simple thing, really, itās just Near laughing, but it makes your stomach churn, you could get used to it.
In fact, you were already obsessing over it, not just his laugh, but the most expressive side of his.
And if he wasnāt sure before, now he is, youāre the only thing in his life that he cannot allow to lose, and nothing would or will change that.
A/N: HELLOOOOO, sorry 4 the delay, buttt, here it is, the second part of the series, while my plan is to do a chapter focused on near, and then one on mello and so on, what do you think? do u like this dynamic? oh, and if you hadn't noticed, i love near sosososo much, i was really inspired to write him, perhaps it a tiny bit ooc, but it was so funn writing it hehe, anyways, tysm for reading! sleep properly, drink your foods and eat your drinks, love uuuuu!
also, i've thinking about changing the āDialogue for "dialogue", opinions? should i make a taglist on this series?
Part one: Here Part two: You're in there :)
