JustAFeralCrow

[baetology]

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

[bumblebeebats]

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[justaferalcrow]

Chewbacca impersonation contest, call this number with your best impersonation for a chance to win! 417-650-4477

[justaferalcrow]

Is It Just Not Summer Anymore Or Am I Depressed?

A novel by me

[justaferalcrow]

JustAFeralCrow turned 1 today!

[justaferalcrow]

Things me and my co-worker have actually said at work (we work at a coffee shop/bakery/ice cream place)

Me: I almost broke my ankle.

Co-worker: Huh?

Me: I said, I almost broke my ankle.

Co-worker: Ohh I thought you said you broke your inhaler.

Me: I don't even have an inhaler.

Co-worker: For a second I thought you were gonna say you didn't have ankles.

Me: I have inhalers for ankles.

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Co-worker: We're doing really good, I bet we'll get out of here before five.

Me: Nooo you've jinxed us!

later...

Co-worker: I did jinx us.

Me: What?!

Co-worker: I said I did jinx us.

Me: That makes so much more sense than what I thought you said.

Co-worker: ...What did you think I said?

Me: I thought you said you did Jesus.

Co-worker and me: prolonged eye contact

Co-worker and me: simultaneously explode into laughing fits while staggering around the kitchen

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(so I was telling her how one time someone thought I was a lesbian and somehow that developed into me being her gay grandmother even though we're both the same age and straight)

Co-worker: *after laughing about a gay grandma joke* We both need therapy.

Me: *finger guns* maybe...couples therapy?

Co-worker: *dies of laughter again*

[justaferalcrow]

"YOLO" I whisper to myself as I down six shots of expresso

[justaferalcrow]

Throwback to when I was sitting alone in bed late at night in a puddle of depression and wrote this poem:

Black Hole

My heart, broken one too many times, took its leave,

Away it flew, up to the stars, hoping to heal its wounds and leave behind this sorry soul.

In its place there now lies a gaping expanse of nothingness

A black hole, nestled in the cage of my ribs,

Absorbing all love tossed its way, all emotions wanting to be felt, and tucking them away in its depths of nothingness.

It grows and grows with each day, taking with it bits of my soul,

One day it will have devoured me whole and there shall be nothing left but a yawning pit, waiting for it's next victim.

[justaferalcrow]

Ways to get petty revenge

(Disclaimer: I didn't come up with all of these myself)

1. Slash three of their car tires. Yes, three, not four. Insurance covers the cost of four slashes tires.

2. Glitter. In. Their. Car's. Air. Vents. Results in a permanently bedazzled car and a hell of a clean up job, and there's no way they'll be able to get all the glitter out.

3. Buy a bag of random keys off Amazon or ebay, the more the better. Also get some luggage tags and attatch them to the. Keys with your enemy's phone number on them. Once you finish that, just hide random keys wherever you go. The library, the gas station, wherever. Your enemy will be getting random calls about their missing keys for years if you hide enough keys.

4. Get some of that nasty American cheese and just smash it into the weird carpeting (or fuzzy seats) in your enemy's car. Better yet if you can rig up a hair dryer, melt that shit in there.

5. Jolly ranchers. Lick em and stick em on windows. Can be car windows, house windows, whatever.

6. Pour nail polish on their car. If they manage to clean the nail polish up, their car's paint job is coming off with it.

7. If you have their contact info, sign them up for a shit-ton of random magazine subscriptions and stuff, just anything you can find, it'll be so annoying.

8. Get a little noise maker, idk what they're called but they can be really small like the size of a button battery, and they beep at random intervals and they can last for a really long time. So get one of those had boys and hide it somewhere in your enemy's house or car, it'll drive them berserk.

9. Spread instant mashed potatoes all over their lawn right before it rains.

10. Get a ton a rubber bands. I mean a ton, like enough to cover a person's entire driveway in a thick layer of rubber bands. And then take those rubber bands and do just that. Do you have any idea how hard that'll be to clean up?

11. Put hair remover in their shampoo.

12. Put glitter in all their soaps. Conditioner, shampoo, body wash, mix it up real good and wait for the results.

[justaferalcrow]

When they gaslight you so you douse them in gas and light them on fire

[justaferalcrow]

Being friends with toxic know-it-alls has traumatized me bc now I get nervous to tell anyone anything bc I assume I'm wrong and they're gonna correct me and I'll look dumb so I always have to add "I think" to the end of a statement just in case.

[justaferalcrow]

Petrarch: *catches glimpse of a woman in 1348*

Petrarch: *has little to no actual contact with the woman*

Woman: *dies*

Petrarch: *writes 207 sonnets and poems about her*

Also Petrarch: *mentions himself 23 times in one sonnet and the actual subject of the sonnet he only mentions once*

[justaferalcrow]

We Never Stop Fighting

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Lil kanej fic in which Inej gets kidnaped and Kaz has to sacrifice himself in order to save her, and then the Crows have to try and rescue their leader. Set post-book 1

[lvockwoods-deactivated20231116]

the pipeline from being a gilbert blythe girlie to an anthony lockwood girlie is a straight arrow btw i don't make the rules

[justaferalcrow]

Inej or Kaz?

So I'm writing a fic and I need opinions, should Kaz get kidnapped and Inej sacrifices herself to save him, or vice versa? (if and when I post the fic I'll link it in a post if anyone is interested in reading it)

Kaz kidnapped, Inej sacrifices herself

Inej kidnapped, Kaz sacrifices himself

Voting ended onOct 10, 2023

[justaferalcrow]

Inktober day 1: Dreaming of spooky season

[justaferalcrow]

Jacin & Winter

Winter: Jacin, why are frogs so happy? Jacin: I don't know, but I have a feeling I'm about to find out. Winter: Because they eat what bugs them! Jacin: If only people could do that. Well, I mean, technically we could. But it’d be cannibalism most of the time. Winter: It was just a joke and you made it into cannibalism ;-;

(just a lil conversation I had with one of my friends that I had to put to good use)

[justaferalcrow]

The Lunar Chronicle Characters as things my friends and I have said

Thorne: Coffee is the best kind of tea. Fight me. Jacin: Oh no. I was being sarcastic...... Cress: I can't reach the snacks :( Kai:...I don't think you can hotwire a shower. Thorne: No, I don't speak Spanish. But I do speak a little Mexican. Wolf: We need bacon. Scarlet: If you keep talking like that maybe I will crash the car spaceship! Iko: And that right there children, is one of the many dangers of liquid eyeliner. Cress: Ignore the computer, it's being dramatic. Thorne: Please don't let my tombstone be boring if I do fall off a cliff. Scarlet: Death by chicken, what a way to go.