Sunken words

I have a lot to say but all I can give you is silence

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

I look over these homages of the past —

these cracks in the time capsule

I have walked forward, or so I think?

Was I more human when I was breaking? Was I more alive when I wanted to not be?

The screams in my mind have faded, or is it just the white noise I fall asleep to now?

I lay under the light at the end of the tunnel

I lay wide awake in the dark

The scars, the pain — it's all gone now

Like a deafness after the blast

Left with nothing but ruins

Is this all happiness is meant to be?

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

Do you see me?

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

One day, someday, I would no longer be sitting by my window late at night, free and lonely

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

Thinking about you is like suddenly realising I am drowning

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

Come sit with me in silence,

take in the moment,

and I might jst make you into a new feeling

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

Remember when I told you we shouldn't be friends

Remember when I told you to not tell me things like that

How do I make you understand that you'll break me the more you try to fix me

How do I make you understand that not getting what I want has always been my greatest tragedy

You dont know but your words burn like acid

You dont know but my tears do too

Is this just the cycle of never getting back the love i die for?

Who am I kidding

As if it won't kill me even if i get it

I guess this is the irony of a drowning man dying of thirst

You do love me

But the water is just too salty

Maybe one day I'll wash up on a shore

And sit on dry sand dipping my toes in the cool water

For now, I'll sink in the waves

Has home ever felt this blue?

Maybe after the night

there will be a coastline in sight

[typography-images]

[michaelbogild-deactivated202503]

You have a way of making me stay

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

even when you've found your own way out of the door

[fairycosmos]

you ever just stare at the wall and think hoo boy suicide sure is an option 

[i-wrotethisforme]

Sometimes people can’t love you and it has nothing to do with you

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

You blind people with your light

You warn them of your inferno

Scare them away and call yourself a monster

But little do they know

You are burning yourself down to create that fire

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

If you want

You are gonna torture me again, aren't you?

You are gonna drag me down to hell and watch me burn in flames

Screaming, crying yet no mercy

Not even a single drop from your eyes that could cool down this fire

You're gonna break me

Shatter me to pieces that have stopped mattering

You are gonna do it again, aren't you?

You are never gonna be mine ever

Playing games forever

But you know what

Maybe I'll give you the chance to burn me again

Maybe I'll hand you my heart to break again

Coz you know there's this part of my heart

That is too stubborn to learn from mistakes

Too naive to handle the distress

I know you'll never be mine ever

Playing those games forever

But if you want, I'll be there

There for you to play when noone's around

Coz if you want it

Then I can watch myself die over and over again

Just if you want...

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

Everytime you fall down all I wanna do is run and wrap you in my arms and help you up.No matter what it takes.

Fate gave me you and told me to keep you in a treasured place. I figured what better place could I get than my heart. Dont mind all the broken pieces here and there. I'll scoop them up and make you a comfortable place. I dont want to lock you up in chains or to tie you down to my veins like I did last time. You know why? Its because I trust you. I trust you when you say you wont leave ever. I trust that spark of honesty in your eyes. I know you mean it. Just dont tangle with the darkness that roams about once in a while or you might start to see me the way I see myself.

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

I'm walking on the thin rope between trying and giving up; living constantly with the fear of slipping off and falling back down into the infinite darkness of nothing.

[its-wingedbouquet-fan]

Once, I had a breakdown in front of my parents. And my mom, after desperately trying to calm me down, asked:

“Why are you crying? It makes me sad, seeing you like this..”

I can’t answer her. My mind screamed “It’s because I hate myself, mom!” over and over again. Those words sat there, on the tip of my tongue, but it can’t get out. So I cried harder instead.

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

Our relationship is a lot like the cuts on my wrists

It hurts, it burns, I hate it but somehow the pain feels ok

The pain feels home

[justanotherhomosapiensapien]

This isn't called living

I hate that I am wasting away my life. I hate every part of me or who I have become. I had so many things I wished for, but now I dont want anything. It's like the colours of pictures of my future that I had painted are drained away. Everything feels blank, and I HATE that. I wanna be productive, do something with my time. But I feel helpless, lost.

I dont know when I stopped living my life and just stood by watching it pass. It sometimes feels like a dream, an alternate reality that I am living in. Nothing matters anymore coz its not going the way I want it to anyway. And there's nothing I can do to change that.

I hate that I am wasting my life. But *what* do I want to do? Honestly, I dont know... something- anything to make me feel alive; anything to make me feel like its worth living. God, I hate that I am just a waste of resources on the planet. I have nothing to contribute. I have no passions, no likings, no talents. I am like a rock that can breathe.

My parents deserve a better daughter. They didnt ask for this. They are the nicest people in the world. My friends, they probably dont even want me in their life. Why would they? I hardly talk to them. And whenever I do, all they have to listen to is my boring depressing talks. I wish I could just erase my existence.

I dont deserve the chances I am given, I am not worth the privileges I get. Half the world is dying out of hunger and poverty, and I dont have any of these problems. Even so I cant be happy. Why cant I just be goddamn happy for a moment. I dont have any right to be unhappy. I have everything that most of the world's population die for. A loving family, stable financials, chance of education, friends and yet I can't be happy for just 1 FUCKING SECOND. I am the most selfish person in the world. I am always busy in my own world. My own little world in my head. The one that used to blossom with sunshine but is now in ruins with ashes in the air. I am just busy with myself. I am just selfish. I cant care for another person.

But is it selfishness that keeps me here or am I stuck here, crying, banging on the door for someone to open but noone notices. Coz when you fall in the forest, does anyone really hear? Or maybe I am just trying to desperately justify myself. My stupid selfish ideas. Maybe I am just trying to sugarcoat the toxic ideas to make myself feel better; to make myself blend in; to make myself not look selfish.

Its very weird to see the world go around, doing things it likes, being passionate about their love while I always sit around glaring at them with blurry eyes as I long for something to be a part of - something that would make a difference. Something that would resonate out the dark echos in my mind.

I just wish I could live truly.