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Daily Gratitude

June 2, 2026

What are you grateful for today?

Welcome to my gratitude support group! All are welcome to be a part of the gratitude crew. Re-blog, write a note or send an ask as often as makes sense for you (just once, every day, twice a year, a few times a month— doesn’t matter!)

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All posts will be tagged ‘resiliencewithin’s daily gratitude group’.

Prompt (if you want): No prompt today.

resiliencewithin

Tagging

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justanothermiddleagedchick

Today I’m grateful for my own resilience. Over the years, no often how often I get knocked down I always find myself again!

This afternoon was perfect Spring weather. Abundant sunshine and just under 70 degrees. I have Spring Fever bad. I took several deck breaks today and 30 minute lunch walk.

My house is a wreck and it’s making me a wee bit nuts. I took a look at the forecast for the upcoming weekend. I think I might take a half day on Friday and go adventure on a plant buying excursion. There’s a new garden center I’d like to check out. Then on Saturday I need to clean. Sunday I’ll save for relaxation. So, we shall see how the week progresses.

E’s ankle is still not healed in the way when you pull muscles and tendons they don’t heal for months. So, he works and it hurts, he comes over here doing stuff and it hurts and then it gets really painful and swollen. So he’s in the boot today. His mood seems lighter. It’s taking every ounce of self control to not ask anything. I’m realizing how much time I spend worrying about what he’s eating, doing, feeling etc. not great Bob. I really needed this little smack in the face of an argument. Obviously, I care about those things but I’ve been carrying such a load that’s not mine. A bunch of them actually if you include work stuff.

This morning I did get up and do the yoga. I took several breaks, the walk and that’s the plan for the rest of the week.

That went well. We had a good talk. I did tell him Chris had been here. He was ok with it. Or trying to be conciliatory lol. I think we are both in a better place. Apologies all around. Hard truth that my blow up triggered a little bit of childhood trauma. He did not grow up in a safe environment. So he said he reacted. We both are on the same page about path forward. He said that he is going to work on his mental health and I didn’t ask a single question about it. I did respond when he commented that he knows he’s going to need help in some way that yes either a person or maybe an app? Other than that I I said I’m glad he’s thinking about it. I’m explained some of my plans to feel better. We have no revised plan for him moving in. That’s a subject for a later time. I did indicate it makes sense to take advantage of D paying some of the bills to get ahead of the financial situation. That was a lot and it felt good and productive.

We agreed that I’m going to hold off painting the bedroom until July week of vacation. He will do the prep ahead since he will be off before me. The painting, with help should take me two days. 3 if things need a second coat. The following weekend we will have a rummage sale and sell all the miscellaneous stuff. In August we will get a dumpster and haul out anything that didn’t sell as well as lots of stuff that really just needs a Dumpster. He also made a list of other projects that he will be working on. We put the new power washer together and I’m far too excited about power washing stuff than is normal. My main deck furniture is on the deck and I can work on that this coming weekend.

I need to buy some annuals for the pots, perennials for the new bed and some sort of larger growing bush for the center. I did buy the edging for both beds today. Now that I’m not painting on my long weekend, if it’s nice out there will be much outdoors work happening.

I feel better about things

Twas an easy fix and Chris said the thermal coupler? might be going so I’m to keep an eye on the flashing code lights. We caught up for awhile. I haven’t really talked to him at all since Christmas. My MIL is starting to lose it and he’s got his hands full. I am really grateful that I have people who can help me with stuff.

E is coming over later and bringing dinner now that calmer heads are prevailing. I asked if he would be willing to come over this week sometime and help me get my deck furniture out. I want to be able to use my deck now that it’s warmer. He said “could I come later?” I said absolutely.

I’m going to go out and get the lawn furniture out that I can get myself and hose it off. I’m also gonna plant my hydrangeas. I have a feeling none of the stuff I was going to do is getting done but some stuff will get done that I do want done.

Lil lemon trees

I swear if it’s not one thing it’s another.

I woke up early because I went to bed early. Decided today’s the day to start some healing habits. I’d found a brief 12 minute yoga for morning. Yoga with Adriene. I thought it would be a perfect morning routine I can replace my morning scroll with before I shower. So, did that feeling good about it. Go to hop in the shower.. no hot water. Luke warm at best. So I take a quick shower and now the great debate. Call my BIL, who I know is tied up with a local festival today or call my ex husband. A risky decision considering the state of my relationship with E right now. I called my ex. If it’s a project I’ll thank Chris and call in Dave. Yes, my strong independent female bs goes right out the window when there is an issue. I might not even say a word to E about any of it. He’s supposed to be helping his sister with something in PA today. In general I’m honest to a fault, so eventually I’ll say something but not right now. We didn’t really leave things in a stable place as it is.

I sincerely hope this is not a have to buy a new water heater scenario because ugh.

Well we talked for a bit. I think we are in agreement that I need to focus on my mental health and he on his. I was messy and don’t like how I behaved this morning. That’s the culmination of several months of stress. Obviously he has some things to focus on. I basically told him I’m done trying to control or manage any of that. He needs to figure it out on his own. I can’t be the reason he makes mental health decisions.

I took the pressure off myself and I don’t know how he feels. He apologized for a couple of things and said he doesn’t want to lose me. I think he needs to figure out his life and kids stuff too without me making it worse.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen now. I’m going to do the “let go and let god” which is ironic from the not religious person.

antiqueoldshow

I want to conduct a quick poll because I believe a lot of the folks I interact with here represent a pretty good cross-section of the American (probably North American) population.

Have you heard about the recent legal issue regarding Fender guitars?

Yes

Voting ended onJun 2

No more context than that. Please don't search before you answer. Just a yes or no answer, please. Oh, and reblog for a larger sample size, if you desire.

I am particularly interested in hearing from non-guitarists if they have heard of this and how they did.

I know that I’m exhausted and burnt out in general. It was a long stressful winter. Hysterically, my plan this weekend was to relax and recharge and reconnect with E. I’d bought stuff to make dinner and a little ice cream cake for his birthday. I still need to focus on myself. I think instead of trying to navigate the relationship or fix it, I’m just leaving it be. I know he needs to address his own mental health issues and I need to stop trying to make him do that. I’m going to continue to focus on the things I wanted to. I’m going to paint my bedroom, do the gardening, focus on all the things I have wanted to do and just worry about me.

He just texted me that he deleted all his socials. He didn’t want me to think he blocked me. That’s something he’s talked about for awhile. Also,I’m sure, to show he’s working on his mental health and to isolate. He was being melodramatic earlier. Just sell all my stuff. The irony of me being exhausted and overwhelmed and then having to sell all his stuff. As if.

Welp maybe that’s that. I’m tired of being in a relationship where I’m the one who has to manage everything and he just said maybe we should break up.. so I guess we’ll see what happens from there because I’m done having to be the only one who acts like the adult.

In actual good news, my doc called and said cholesterol numbers good, not great but good. A1c dropped from 5.2 to 4.3. Which is excellent. All in all good news and keep doing what I’m doing and what we discussed.

June starts a new month. Ya girl putting some boundaries in place. The only mental health issues I’m addressing are mine. My focus is going to be on work life balance, exercise and eating healthy, accomplishing the projects I want to accomplish and enjoying my life.

My lawn crew came today and cleaned out my front flower bed to blank slate, he also cleared two spots and dug holes for my new hydrangeas. I’m going to continue to buy perennials and get them planted. He will then come and do a significant layer of mulch. I’m going to border it with creekstone and it’s going to look delightful.

E just texted saying “I will try to be better tomorrow” and this is why I just can’t with this at the moment. It’ll get figured out. Or it won’t I guess but I’m not dealing with the emotional manipulation of it anymore.

It was a good day at work and a bad day at home.

E is not in a good place and I wasn’t prepared for it and we had a wee implosion. As expected what he said his plan was.. didn’t happen and he really didn’t articulate what his plan was. Ya’ll I got attitudey. Which then due to his current mental health caused him to spiral. Which, in a non compassionate without empathy way I responded “great” to his I need to take a med and chill. In that moment I so wanted to be communicating with someone able to self regulate who doesn’t have their entire day ruined by one slightly aggravating conversation. Which my tone expressed and he felt judged.

He ended up coming over and he really shouldn’t have. He was medicated and because he just could not seem to articulate his plans today I had expectations that were incorrect which sent me again. Then part of the problem was that his daughter leveled a truth bomb they are planning on moving out when E moves out which would have D there alone. E signed the lease expecting IB to be there too. So now we are back to having our plans changing again. So, he then expressed that he’s feeling like I’m going to end up screwing him over if he moves in even though he knows I’m not that person. He leveled a couple of truths at me too. He feels judged when he does take meds(today I was judgy), I ask for information but then get defensive or try to tell him how to fix things when he does share( also true. I’m a fixer) etc. so I certainly acknowledged he’s right about all of those things. That’s for me to work on. There were apologies all around about us making each other feel bad but no solutions.

I expressed that I can’t be his emotional regulator. It’s unfair that I can’t be stressed, sad, mad etc without it being about him every single time. We went round and round about therapy. He’s wholly resistant to doing anything that isn’t going back to Zoloft. Which I can’t be responsible one way or another for whether he’s taking medication. I simply reminded him that it won’t be this miraculous “fix” to our relationship because he was sad, full of anxiety and slept all the fucking time too. I didn’t even want to be in the relationship anymore back then. I can’t fix this. He has to figure it out. If he’s resistant to everything then that’s on him. I love him, I want this to work but I’m not going to not express my feelings just so he can feel better. When truth be told he doesn’t feel better he just pretends he does for the two days he has to see me.

I’m exhausted by life right now

Today is E’s birthday. 42. I remember 42. Life sucked. I’ll do something nice for him this weekend. Out to dinner. Maybe a cake. We could use some fun.

I had my doctor appointment this morning and my blood work is coming back and there are a couple of weird abnormalities that I ended up googling. One though, my D level is really high. I take a supplement so I’m expecting to get a call tomorrow saying skip the supplement. The GLP conversation wasn’t as bad as expected. She clarified I should be exercising and getting protein but acknowledged it sounded like I was doing things the right way. She also recommended a weighted vest for walking. Let me just say the stress I get from looking at labs with no medical degree to decipher makes me sometimes wish all this info was less accessible. My cholesterol numbers were pretty good. So there’s that. My BP was 118/78.

My lawn guy is coming to clean out my front flower bed tomorrow. Thank goodness. Right now my front yard is the one people are looking at thinking what is happening there? I’ve researched and found the border I want for out front. That’s going to be pricey. I need to invest the money now though and just be done. I’ve been throwing money at it every year and it’s never right. I need to invest in it. I love to garden but the amount of labor needed for that project is more than I have in me. I’m removing all but two plants. It’s an over grown mess right now.

E said he’s coming over to work on his vehicle tomorrow. The one thing I’ll never get used to with E is his inability to accomplish anything before noon. So, I’m sure it’ll be afternoon. Recently I made a snotty comment to him that painting is an all day production and not something you start at mid day. Like I need to be at it before 9am. I realize my inability to rest and recoup is a toxic trauma response trait. With that being said, at some point in adulthood, if you want something done you have to actually do it. So yes, I over do and suck the joy out of my own life. He under does. Somewhere in there has to be a happy middle ground.

D got a job. Real job with a construction company. Praise the gods old and new. That was a nice birthday present for E. I’m hoping it alleviates some of the stress spiral.

Every meeting I was stressing about this week was canceled. So I’m just going to assume subject laid to rest.

This dude in the bloodwork waiting room who just put on a kids show on his tablet for someone else’s screaming kid is the real hero. Not all heros wear capes!

aichu-dechu

The end of my long weekend.

Today was spent outside. I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish and a bit more. Life is easier when you’re 25lbs lighter. Life is easier when most of your inflammation is gone. I still have a lot of outside work to do but I put a dent in it.

I was good about sunscreen and I only got a little sun vs a sunburn. It was nice to have my hands in dirt. Walked around barefoot for awhile to connect with earth. Listened to the soundtrack of the neighborhood. I needed this weekend. I’m not sure it helped with the burnout but it did solidify I need to make changes.

E is spiraling. Freaking out. Full on panic mode about moving in, about leaving the kids in charge at the other house, being in debt and me kicking him out and him being screwed, D being irresponsible. You name it he’s overthinking it and completely overwhelmed. I reassured him on the him getting screwed over part. I don’t even have the capability to do that. Even if at some stage I did decide this isn’t going to work, I’d give him time to figure it out. I listened and let him vent. Reminded him this timeline is his not mine. There isn’t really anything I can do to help here. I’m also taking a leap of faith and stressed. I finally gently expressed that what he really needs to feel better and not spiral is therapy. I expressed this wasn’t an argument I want to have but if he genuinely wants to work through all his bs that’s what he should be considering. There’s a new org, not sure if it’s non profit, but it focuses on guys in military and law enforcement. We know the managing director of The Taylor Foundation (Corey Taylor’s non profit) and she has been posting about this new organization. E asked her about it and she gave him some info. He’s really not drinking anymore (at least not much), not medicated and I think he’s forced to feel all the feelings. Will he do anything about it? Who knows. All his concerns about the kids are legitimate. D is not the responsible adult we were expecting. I can’t promise him forever. I learned the hard way forever isn’t real. I’m committed and willing to do the work. He’s going to have to figure it out.

Doc appointment this week. I’m nervous about the GLP1 conversation. I firmly believe I made the right decision for me. She will likely not agree. I am curious to see my blood work.

Stressing a little bit to see if I get my ass chewed tomorrow in my 1:1 with my boss.

It’s still gloomy but it’s warmer.

I woke up at 6am having such a hot flash and nausea. Nausea is the GLP1 which was likely exacerbated by poor food choices on shot day. I’ve been not taking the magnesium supplement for a couple of weeks to see if it improved the rosacea. I can’t see that it’s improving things. So back to my supplement tonight. The research is inconclusive on magnesium helping with hot flashes but that’s been improved for me while taking.

E messaged at 9 and said good morning and then disappeared which usually means he went back to sleep. If that’s the case, he must still be feeling yucky. He’s planning on going back to work tomorrow. I think he should have taken the last two days off and just waited till next week to go back. He said he wants the money he can get from working OT. This move is expensive for both of us. Me, in doing projects I’ve been putting off and him with bills plus buying stuff for here too.

I need to finish up my office project today. Yesterday was a good rest day but today needs to be productive. I also have tomorrow off and I’d like to get outside.

I officially turned the heat off and I’m not turning it back on for any reason. I’m hoping that the temps stay moderate so I can leave the AC on. We are officially about 6 weeks away from E’s projected move in date. Once he moves in I’ll have to use the AC more because he needs to be cool enough to sleep during the day.

Last night I spent some time online searching new bedding and curtains. I def found the curtains I want. They’re a charcoal gray made out of linen but they’re lined to keep out the light. So the walls will be Billiard Green and my accent colors will be charcoal gray and probably a lighter green. Possibly some wine or plum shades as well. No one will ever be in our bedroom but us anyways. I still like to have my aesthetic though lol. It’s funny that he said to me he doesn’t care what I do but he’s definitely sharing some opinions. He admitted to wanting to rearrange a certain way (which made sense) and that he hates my dresser storage in the living room. It’s going to be hard for me to have someone else’s opinions lol.

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