Lamenting And Wailing

Justanotherinternetbitch reimagined If you knew me then, you might not know me as well now because I hated her. I don’t hate me anymore and that changes a being.

[resiliencewithin]

Daily Gratitude

July 18, 2026

What are you grateful for today?

Welcome to my gratitude support group! All are welcome to be a part of the gratitude crew. Re-blog, write a note or send an ask as often as makes sense for you.

I tag parts of the crew almost every day. If you’d like to be on the tag list let me know.

All posts will be tagged ‘resiliencewithin’s daily gratitude group’.

Did you know… I have around 225 gratitude prompts and counting?

Prompt (if you want): Something you are proud of (big or small).

[resiliencewithin]

Tagging

@gramarobin

@groovybananastarfish

@gummyboy300

@healing4all

@healingvibe

@honestmarie

@iamapalmtree

@iaml1mitless

@iampeachless

@ice-cream-connie

@isimpiwe

@jenfightsback

@justanothermiddleagedchick

@kalira

@kirabug-tumbles

@kittymattress

@lovedrakewalker

@lyricfulloflight

@mangatamarin

@mayafaryaal

@milosdinosaur

@melancholymetanoia

@metal-hippie

@m0tiv8me

@morningloverboy

@mossbnny

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

I’ve been slacking on gratitude. One of my burnout recovery focus on self care and self things to do is to notice those glimmers that bring happiness in a day. To disconnect from screens and be in the moment with things. I walked on lunch today and I’m so grateful for a beautiful day with clear skies, summer sunshine and not unbearable heat. I did a thirty minute walk. Had a conversation with two dogs that thought maybe I shouldn’t be walking near their yard, spotted some daisies growing just in the wild. Saw a friend doing ups deliveries and just enjoyed being present. I walk with no music because it’s a busy road. Phone away. It’s fun to notice people and how the neighborhood plants gardens and flowers. A little guy was playing in the sprinkler. I’m lucky I have the opportunity to do this everyday.

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

It has been a pretty good day!

Lucy is improved today. I don’t think she feels 100% but she’s eaten a little, had some hairball gel and the weird stomach rumbling is gone. I decided to get rid of my Peace Lily. They are mildly toxic to cats. I’m thinking maybe she had a little snack on that. It’s in the garage right now. It’d a huge plant and I’ve had it for 20 years and this thing about the puking started in the last 2 years but it’s the only thing I can think of. She feels well enough to give me disdainful looks.

One thing I’ve noticed about E since he went back on his Zoloft is that he’s less cranky. Lol Less bitching about stuff like traffic and work bs. After he went off it last Summer I thought he seemed angry all the time. There’s a couple of promising bids that might open up which are non inmate facing. He told me if one comes up, regardless of shift he is bidding. Which could mean a day shift.

Gov. Hochul, in an interview, stated that upstate communities don’t have the sophistication to negotiate with Tech Companies. That’s her saying her quiet part out loud. She thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. I swear daily I pray to all the gods, old and new, that she loses the election in November.

Laundry is done and away, clean sheets 🎉🎉 on the bed. Mystery soup on deck for dinner, shot taken, all my food tracked today and watermelon all cut up for munching. Mystery soup = I took something out of the freezer and I don’t know what it is. It looks chickenish. Thinking I might make some rice to go with.

The next two weeks are 4 day weeks and then I go on vacation again the 10th of August. We did put 1 project on the list and that’s to get a dumpster and heave ho a bunch of junk. That’s a 1 day project and I approve. We will probably go bed shopping too.

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

E came over for a bit before work. He brought my birthday gifts with him. He got me the cutest witches bells for the door. A new witchy journal (a blank notebook is truly a favorite thing) and two new books. One centered around using witchcraft as self care and another around magical homesteading. That one is a good reference for tinctures, balms and a lot of info on crystals. I’m in love with the self care book. It’s got a significant section on journaling and isn’t it a coincidence that I have a fresh journal. E is a very thoughtful gift giver. He even went to the trouble to find a tarot themed birthday card.

The Lucy isn’t feeling well tonight. She, of course, yakked up her lunch and now her stomach is loudly grumbling. I’m sure it’s hairballs. It’s always hairballs. She’s resting comfortably, Hopefully by tomorrow she’s gotten the hair out.

I have my new weight training routine ready for the week and I’m getting back to tracking more diligently starting tomorrow. Protein, fiber and water. I have some veg to prep tomorrow and a watermelon to cut up. That plus finishing up the laundry is all that is on my list for tomorrow. I accomplished the have to’s on my list today and squelched that mean voice in my head saying I should be doing more. Tomorrow is me time. I’m not sure what I want to make for meals. Truth be told, I’m sick of chicken. Maybe I’ll just yank a container of soup out of my freezer and eat leftovers for a few days. Another thought is some taco meat over jasmine rice. I didn’t buy lettuce for obvious reasons but I have plenty of tomatoes and red bell peppers. I have options.

[ohclippy]

SATURDAY NIGHT POST

What'cha doin'?

DO TELL!!

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

Reading through two new witchy books E gifted me for my birthday.

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

Well they located the young woman and apparently she is alive and safe. I’ll be very curious to see what details emerge on the whole thing.

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

Well my envisioned afternoon on the deck is unlikely. We are getting dumped on with storms today. We need the rain but I was planning a nice afternoon dammit. When I’m inside, I can’t ignore the messes that bug me. So, I guess this will be a very productive day and then tomorrow will be an all day deck day. It’s supposed to be delightfully cooler tomorrow. Mid 70s and Sunny. Hopefully the smoke is gone.

I’ve already scrubbed my tub and bathroom sink. Letting things dry out a little and I’ll do the rest. I’d like to vacuum and mop too. My kitchen floor could use a scrub. Lots of other things I could be working on. Maybe I’ll throw on a movie and go through my books and journals. Another wild idea would be to do the fuckton of shredding I need to do now that E fixed my shredder. Living my best life over here.

I made some bee baths for two flower beds. They’re cute.

First we had all the drama with the geese and now there’s a young woman missing. 33 yrs old. She was last seen yesterday afternoon in an area that tends to be pretty frequented. A beautiful little walking park with a pond. People walk there and kids play there often. It’s near my old house and I used to go there frequently to exercise and bike. Her vehicle and belongings are there but no sign of her. Yesterday they searched with K9s. As I type this they are searching the pond for her. Not sure what the back story is. Whether they suspect fowl play or if they think she harmed herself. This park is right off a major highway exit as well. Sad regardless.

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

I’m really surprised at how pragmatic E is being about his health stuff. It’s a different view than I’ve seen before. I really am proud of him for trying to make changes instead of saying “I’m just broken, baby”

I really think I’m skipping the reunion. My gut is telling me to stay home. I’m going to listen. Well aware I might have regrets later but I think my own mental health needs the long weekend doing me. The idea of having to pack and schlep and drive all by myself is just not appealing. E mentioned that maybe we could go have a hike or something. I can get on board with some time in nature.

I’m going to make a recipe junk journal. This is something I’ve been considering doing for awhile. Not doing the binding etc just the insides. I bought a couple of spiral notebooks. I have recipes in a box on index cards, printed in binders, stuck in recipe books. The goal is to get all the recipes I use regularly into the junk journal format, go through some of the binders, find old recipes to make new again(especially healthy ones I used to make) and consolidate. I think this project will be less mess because the ephemera and stickers will be very theme oriented. It’ll be a little vintage and a little green witchy. If E is to be successful and both of us to continue to make the healthy journey, I need to teach him that healthy stuff can be tasty. Leave the heavy cream and bacon for the special occasions. It doesn’t have to be salad and bland chicken. He’s a good cook. I think if I put the right recipes in front of him I can challenge him to experiment.

I continue to hear changes are coming. Cycles ending, closures happening and new better things coming. Thats the consistent theme in my spiritual journey.

E thinks i should consider a people leading position if one comes available. It’s more money. I still think it’s not the right fit for me. I don’t think I’ve got the right temperament or empathy needed to lead Gen Z. I don’t have the patience either. I finally realized yesterday when 4 separate people answered a question the same way and the person finally asked to discuss via call, that it’s not that they didn’t understand what was being told, it’s that they didn’t agree with the answer. This happens pretty frequently and I really think if it was my role to manage that personality, I’d be struggling. I don’t have patience to argue with people about things that cannot be changed. I can’t control the way systems are programmed or how states make ridiculous laws that have to be complied with… Hello California… so, why are you arguing with me about it? You know I can’t change it. It’s a lot of drama sometimes. I dunno. It’s something to think about.

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

I forgot to mention that locally our Dept of conservation ( the same people who killed Peanut the Squirrel) decided to kill a huge flock of geese because they were making a mess in a park with an 11 acre pond. Humans are terrible.

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

It’s kind of hilarious that Taco Bell is the culprit to the violent diarrhea.

The legislators in NY (on both sides of the aisle) are so dumb. Someone who represents us locally( a Republican) posted an unhinged rant about Canadian wildfires and how Canada needs to get their forestry service under control. This, as if the US doesn’t have 9 active significant fires burning right now across multiple states in the Midwest ( 9 significant enough to concern the insurance industry). Our governor’s posts are starting to look a little unhinged the closer to November we get as well, What i really hate about her is that she is wishy washy on her positions. You can’t call yourself strong on law enforcement while screwing law enforcement and have anyone take you seriously. You can’t say you’re trying to reduce costs for NY then approve rate hikes for the G&E industry during the hottest weeks in the Summer. This while passing a law that new construction can’t use natural gas forcing electric heat. Stand for what you stand for and it’s not affordability and it’s sure af not support for law enforcement. I remain blissfully unaware of what the idiot running the country said last night and my goal is to remain so.

My cake was delicious.

I need to clean a little tomorrow. Right now they took the air quality warning away. Hopefully it remains that way. I have a date with a book on the deck for once the cleaning is complete. I’m supposed to head to Western PA next weekend and I really don’t want to go. E doesn’t really want to go with me and I honestly don’t want to spend $200 on a hotel room or drive 3 hours by myself. My brother isn’t going this year either. I feel guilty not going since my aunt and uncle are both in their 90s. I haven’t booked a room yet. I might decide to just stay home.

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

53 feels pretty much like 52 did.

There’s cake. Everyone knows this girl loves buttercream. I ordered dinner because I don’t have to cook on my birthday. Other than that, it’s just another day. I can’t even just chill on the deck due to the smoke. Thanks Canada.

E’s bloodwork is coming back and while most of it over all was ok there were concerns. His A1C is 5.2. Which is better than i thought it would be. His total cholesterol is high but the components are not crazy. What was a bit skewed was his kidney numbers. His mob doc called him and set up a phone appointment for next Thursday. I’m super curious as to what he will have to say. It looks like he could have a little bit of kidney function failure going on. If so, he’s truly going to have to make some lifestyle adjustments. He has lost about 25lbs recently but I don’t think that’s related. I think that’s just his weight. It fluctuates a lot. He doesn’t seem to be freaking out about it. Just trying already to make lifestyle changes. He’s like I’m really trying babe. I think if it really is kidney disease, he’s going to have to make far more difficult changes. Salt consumption alone. Plus the NASIDS he eats like candy. A bridge to cross when we know more. I did tell him I’m proud of him for getting this done and acknowledging that changes need to happen. I also told him that it’s not an all or nothing thing. He needs to eat well 90% of the time and then splurge on Saturday night. I don’t know if all the labs are back and I don’t know what his liver results were. Bilirubin wasn’t on the stuff he shared with me. The kidney stuff, I think is mostly what he’s concerned with so, that’s what I saw. I’m really glad he did this. It shows me that he genuinely wants to feel better and to be a partner. I think he’s been mourning the me who wasn’t on a GLP1 too. He misses the person who wanted to eat all the food. I hated her though. I explained to him that I want to have energy and to feel good in my clothes. I want to live life. I’m never going to be a gym rat but I can still be the best version of me.

Next week a new routine goes into effect for exercise. Hopefully this smoke exits so I can get outside to walk. I’ve not been feeling my best because my eating has been all over the place. I either don’t eat at all or I’m eating crap. This not being able to buy fresh vegetables kinda sucks. Fresh spinach is a mainstay of my diet.

I can’t remember if I said but they canceled the Spokane trip. It might get rescheduled for later in the Fall. It might be virtual. She asked today if I might be open to a trip to Charlotte at some point. We have a couple of employees there plus a big field office relationship there. We also talked about an early 2027 trip to Richardson. Why can’t any of these place I need to go be near beaches? Lol

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

Happy birthday, Kimmy!! I hope it's been amazing!!

Thank you my friend ❤️❤️❤️ Boy do you know me lol

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

Happy Birthday, longtime long distance friend I’ve never met 😆

Wishing you all the best for your 53rd🩷💜🤍

Thank you my sweet friend! Here’s to a good year!

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

Am I the only person so glad that the temps are cooler than expected due to the wildfires smoke that my windows are open? I’ll probably give myself some sort of lung damage but I’m so tired of AC and the bill they goes with it. On the flip side it makes everything look dreary and apocalyptic.

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

We are covered in smoke from the wildfires. The sun looks fake. It’s a strange hue outside.

[under-same-sky]

Funny retrogrades have always calmed the chaos for me🤔

[justanothermiddleagedchick]

Back to the daily grind tomorrow. I’m wishing I’d just taken the full week off and had 2 weeks. Too late now. I need to do my mid year self review tomorrow… ugh. Not sure what else is on my agenda. I know on Sunday night I had 100 new emails. Oh well, that’s a tomorrow problem. I’m glad I took the extra two days. It was nice to have some alone time. Much time was spent on the deck. Much time was spent with tarot and some time with a book too. I’ve done a few chores. The downtime was just what I needed.

My boss sent me a sweet birthday card with a note saying how grateful she is to know me and have me both as part of her team and a person in her life. I’m finding myself full of gratitude today. The last few days were a reminder of how lucky I am. I have a sweet little home that I own, I have a beautiful little outdoor space that feeds my soul, a career that I mostly love. As much as a person can love the insurance industry I guess. Peers who value me. Employees who value me. I have no doubt within an hour of logging on. Someone will say “OMG I’m so glad you’re back.” A man who loves me even though I challenge him out of his comfort zones every single day. I have been very focused on my have nots in recent months. I’m glad I had the opportunity to check myself and be reminded of how lucky I actually am.

E went to the doctor today and is getting his bloodwork done. That’s a huge step and I’m proud of him. I made him a protection necklace for work. It’s actually for ashes. He really can’t wear anything that’s glass. So all the fun charms and vials that they make are no bueno. This is stainless and understated. He will wear it.

New moon in Cancer tonight. For those of you who are looking for new growth, try this.

[memeuplift]