WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AGAIN|JOHN MURPHY X READER
(A/N: Summer's brought me back into my EPIC obsession so I had to do a fic with the vibes, and who better than a slightly angsty slightly fluffy Murphy fic? Also note that this will be heavily meatriding Murphy as I will be his number one lawyer alright. Hope you enjoy and let me know what else you'd like to see!)
WARNINGS: mentions of violence, torture, attempted murder, etc.
What's Playing: "Would You Fall In Love With Me Again?" ~EPIC The Musical
"John!" Your cry was anguished as you watch Bellamy throw him to the ground, still beaten and bloody from the way he'd been treated earlier for the crime he didn't even commit. You'd watched in horror as the man you loved had been strung up, tortured and treated like a murderer for a crime he didn't commit. You'd been his alibi, but Murphy never wanted to implicate that the two of you were a thing. With how soft Bellamy had been getting, Murphy feared that the power structure was going to start shifting, his position on the top might fall. With the loss of control would come an increase of danger, people who were already pissed off at him for all the shit he'd pulled. Anything that put you in danger was instantly vetoed, that included revealing the relationship you'd developed, even at the potential cost to his life.
But now you weren't going to let him possibly be taken from you again.
You rush to his side, trying to help him sit up. Murphy brushes you off, pretending like you were like just another one one of these people, beneath him. Yet you could feel the tenderness in his actions as he pushes you away.
"Get off of me, I'm fine."
"Murphy. You're banished." Bellamy's words were final, leaving no room for argument.
That didn't stop you. "You're going to throw him out just like that? Just because she jumped? You hung him for a crime he didn't commit, now he's the villain?"
"My decision is final, if you can't stand the thought of being away from him then why don't you join him, huh? There's plenty enough woods out there for you two to kill each other in them."
"Fine, I will go with him then, see if I care about staying with you lot."
Murphy shakes his head. "No, you're staying here."
"John, I'm coming with you."
"I don't know what's out there, there's grounders, there's everything out there that could kill me, I'm not letting you get into that danger. Not you."
Tears start to prick at the edge of your vision. "Please, John I can't be without you."
He shakes his head. "I need you to survive, I couldn't live with myself if you went out with me and starved to death or got taken by grounders."
"It seems John Murphy does have a heart after all, who knew." Bellamy mocked, but just as you turned your face to return the biting remark, John turns your face back to him.
"Hey, I want you to survive, okay? Stay with them, kiss their asses if you have to, so long as you survive. That's all I care about."
You shake your head, the tears falling now. "I can't let you go. Please don't leave me."
Murphy swallows and you can see the emotion he's trying hard to fight down, trying not to seem weak. "I'll come back for you then, okay? I promise you now, just keep holding on for me until I can come back for you."
You nod, trying to hold back a sob and make this harder for the both of you. It was clear that he was right, None of them knew what existed beyond the borders of their camp, he could walk half a mile and up dead. He wanted you to live on, for him, the promise to come back most likely an empty one, enough to bring you comfort when the reality of it was near impossible.
All this time trying to keep your relationship a secret came crashing down the moment Murphy takes your face in his hands and kisses you with as much love as he can muster. Everything he felt for you in that moment, the possibility of never seeing you again coming out in that one kiss.
All too soon you part, and with a solemn nod, Murphy heads out into the forest away from the group, leaving you with them. Without the entertainment, everyone trudges their way back to the camp, but you stay watching for a long while, until he's out of sight and even after that. It was as if you were willing him to turn around and come back to you. But it never happened. Instead all you could do was hold onto the promise he'd made you, and hope that you'd see him again.
Whispers rippled throughout the camp, Murphy had returned, without thinking, you dropped the firewood you'd been collecting, desperate to go and see him again. However the moment you get to the tent, you're stopped.
"The hell is this, John's in there I have to see him-"
"You can't, he's sick. Clarke's orders, anyone who goes in there will get sick."
"I don't care about getting sick-"
"We don't know if it's deadly."
"That's not going to stop me."
"Stay out there." Murphy's voice calls from the ruined shuttle. "You promised me you were going to survive, and that means staying away for now. Please."
"You said you'd come back for me-"
"And it's not yet, I just need you to wait a little longer. That's all I ask. Let me keep you safe."
Reluctantly, you back up, picking up your scattered firewood again, knowing that if Murphy didn't want to see you he had a good reason. You could keep waiting, you'd have to.
Murphy never told you when he got better, never told you when he was pardoned, the many times he came back, the many times he left. He was a shadow, in and out many times to avoid being pinned down. Once he would've given anything to see you again, but after he started staining his hands with more blood, seeing you became too daunting a task. He'd done too much, killed, stolen, tainted himself until he was no longer a man, but a monster. You didn't deserve to see him like that, you deserved a man who was better than him. As much as Murphy wanted to take you into his arms, bring you back with him, what did he have to offer? A life of suspicion and distrust, just when it seemed like Clarke's group was starting to let you in again, give you a second chance after aligning with the murderer. He couldn't risk that for you. You needed more, more than he was.
The promise he made weighed heavily on him, knowing that he could never fulfill it. He could never go back for you. He hoped you would just forget about him.
Terror fills Murphy's senses as he runs through the woods to the waiting truck, collar strapped to him like a dog. All these years of fighting, of running, would he ever truly be free? Ever find that life of peace and safety? It seemed so distant now, so impossible to achieve. Even now his apparent freedom came at the sacrifice of another, because he was the one who got to survive when so many died. A survivor, but at what cost?
"We have to get out of here-" He barks at the little hobbit driving before from the back a quiet.
His head whips around to see you, you hadn't changed from the person he remembered all that time ago. You'd survived, one of the lucky ones in the bunker, the bunker where he'd avoided you at all costs, slipped out to find Raven before you could find him. Now here you were, the situation not allowing much more emotion than a simple hopeful glance.
One he shuts down. "Great, you survived." Despite wanting nothing more than to hop in the backseat and kiss you, Murphy knew that he was even less worthy of your affection now. His hands were so stained with blood he couldn't even find his own flesh anymore.
You immediately stiffen towards him, the clear tension in the air making a wall go up then and there. After all this time, longing, hoping, now Murphy was here, and he didn't care about you anymore. Your chest ached at the realization.
You'd been a fool to wait.
The vehicle skidded to a stop as John got out, not wanting to endanger you further with the tracker attached to him. Besides, distance was needed between you now, you still cared for him, that much he could tell. And he'd have to end that here and now. For your sake.
What he didn't expect was for you to be waiting for him on the other side of the truck as it pulled away.
"What are you doing here? Are you insane? They're probably coming for me-"
"I've watched you walk away too many times John, it's not going to happen again."
"You're throwing your life away, I'm a dead man."
"Then I guess I'm dead right along with you."
"I'm not going to let you do that, you have to try and catch up to them."
You shake your head. "I can't. Even if you don't care about me anymore, that's not going to stop how I feel."
"I do still care for you that's why I'm telling you to leave, to protect you!"
"Then why, John!? Why have you left me time and time again, kept me from you. All this time passed, you don't even look the same, I can see the pain in your eyes, pain and burdens I could've helped you bear. I've dreamed about this day for years, is it even you anymore?"
This was the worst place to talk about this, your enemies threatening to close in at any moment, but you both knew this couldn't wait a moment longer.
"I stayed away because it's not me anymore, I'm not the man you once adored. I've changed, I've hardened to the world. I've done terrible things, things I can't change. You've been waiting, but there's nothing worth waiting for."
"What could you have done that was so bad?"
"Killed, stolen, traded lives and betrayed everyone close to me, just to survive, just to keep myself alive, I've been so selfish, I'm a monster. Not worth breathing the same air as you. You couldn't fall in love with me again if you knew what I've turned into."
"If that's the case." You take out a knife and hold it to your throat. Instantly, Murphy rushes towards you.
"What the hell are you doing!?"
"If all I've lived for, if everything that I've been fighting for, waiting for, is worthless, then I have no point in going on."
"Stop- okay-? Just put the knife down, you have so much to live for, so much to keep going for, please-"
"It's nothing without you by my side. It's always been about you, John. Everything I've done is just in the hopes to see you again. But if you're not the man you claim to be anymore, then I have no reason to keep fighting."
Before you can do anything, Murphy closes the distance, grabbing your wrist with enough force that it hurts, wrenching the blade away from your neck and holding it a safe distance away.
"Please, just- fuck- please don't. I can't watch you die, I can't. All I care about is your surviving, I'm begging you, you have to stay alive."
"If you're not the same man, then why has your goal never changed? You told me the day you left that all you wanted was for me to stay alive. Yet here you are, still caring about me more than anyone else."
He pauses, words failing him as he takes you in, still as precious to him as the day he left.
"I will fall in love with you, no matter what, no matter you say or do, no matter how long it's been. I've been waiting, for so long, fighting for so long, just to see you, for you to keep your promise. Are you going to keep your promise, John?"
The question hangs heavy in the air, waiting for his response.
Murphy swallows, then finally speaks. "I'm going to keep my promise."
You wrap your arms around him, pressing your lips to his, all the lost time, the longing, the love that you both had felt for years finally having an outlet. It was everything that you had missed. Even now with the world possibly ending, nothing mattering more than finally being reunited after all this time.
"It's been too long." He mutters against your lips.
"It's just the start of forever John, a forever I get to spend with you."
"I'd say it was worth the wait."
