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27 | ICU RN | Snapchat/IG: justclyde

[justclyde]

Excuse me while I ease myself back into writing my thoughts and feelings.

[fadedforest]

source.

+ fadedforest.

[lehooes]

carlitoz

[redrola]

[justclyde]

So many things remind me of you.

[doe-eyed-des-deactivated2023082]

You tell a lot of people you love them..

That’s the point of living, dummy.

[justclyde]

I feel so empty and lonely these days. I continue to hold hope that it is just temporary and I will bounce back. I hope you’re doing okay these days, too. I’m praying for both of us to be genuinely happy.

I know I can hold and grow a lot of love in my heart and it needs to be for me. Let the love grow within myself so I can give it to the world.

[justclyde]

I feel FOMO cuz my friends are going to Coachella this year. It’s probably the only music festival I’d actually enjoy. Maybe next year? Hmmmm.

[justclyde]

Nights like this I struggle to keep it together. I am okay, and it’s normal to miss someone you had a strong connection with. Acknowledge, feel, and let go.

[justclyde]

I went from a nice catch up with a friend to in such a rut watching My Amnesia Girl. Literally should not be watching these types of movies right now but it tugs my heart strings lmao.

[justclyde]

I remember when you sent me flowers for my birthday even though we haven’t talked in a while. I usually try to work on my birthdays and it just so happened that I had a shitty shift that day. I saw the flowers on my doorstep and I had a hunch in who it was from. After I confirmed it I just felt numb. I don’t know if it was from my shift or maybe because I’ve been missing you. Maybe it’s both. I was thankful, but I also felt so numb. I’m still grieving us. Trying to distract myself until I don’t feel the loneliness anymore.

I’m so tired.

Breathe.

[justclyde]

Cried to my friends on this trip because it triggered me how poorly most of our trips went. Specially our international trip. Never cried in front of a friend like that, not even one of my best friends. All these places I’m seeing, these experiences I’m feeling. I wish you could see me now. But I think it’s a time of exploration for me and I need it.

[justclyde]

Slow Fade by Ruth B.

Listen to Slow Fade by Ruth B. on Apple Music. 2019. Duration: 3:31

[justclyde]

I really don’t know what I am doing right now. I feel so anxious with my future. I am having a hard time processing my feelings, and I feel like it is affecting me so much in how I interact with people.

As a form of healthy self-soothing, I just want to acknowledge that I am going through something tough but there are circumstances within my control. I have a support system I can use and I have an able body to execute tasks. Breathe, breathe.

[maryjanewatscns]

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE (2022) dir. Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert 

[justclyde]

I saw a glimpse of you as I was leaving. You were smiling at your friend as I said good bye to a close friend of yours. I didn’t realize you were there until I started walking away. It was a lot to process in that one second. Part of me misses your touch and interaction and the other is reminded of how unstable I felt during our relationship at times. I tried hard not to look back. I won’t read into how you are doing. That snap shot of you smiling was enough. And I truly wish that you are as happy as you looked as I left. I miss you, I wish you well.

[justclyde]

I was looking for you when I know I shouldn’t be. But it was not meant to be and I have to keep being okay with that.