First i overshare, then i overthink. Then, i overshare what I was overthinking, then again I overthink why I overshared what I overthought.

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@justiineks
First i overshare, then i overthink. Then, i overshare what I was overthinking, then again I overthink why I overshared what I overthought.
***
On a day when all was done
Closed, locked and barreled up
On a day when all had ended
And eternal silence had begun
Time of terror but little peace
Time of which you lost me
And I forgot you
It all was planned but we weren't told
Time
Autumn, Spring, Summer, Winter
Morning, Midday, Afternoon, Evening
Year, Month, Day, Second
Kindergarten, school, work, cemetery
It's everywhere but at the same time
It visits each of us differently
I met Time on a spring morning
My brother on a winter evening
My grandmother at a summer afternoon
Maybe someone else on an autumn night?
Time is linear but what has been is already gone
And are there even things that will yet to be?
It's like a squeezed box but it has no boundaries
Maybe a circle? But we don't start things from the beginning
There are times when a moment comes and it echoes somwhere in the past, yet we know how fresh it is
Still green and untouched
It can be broken, repaired
Can be unchanged
But not all moments are like that, time is not so kind
There are moments that never come back
And there are moments that come with you
Thick chains around your legs pull the scale of the time gone by
There's something on that timeline you just can't leave where you found it
In a world full of butterfly effects it found you and now you're responsible for it
We couldn't call it a pet, because pets we can choose
But we don't choose these moments
And strange as it may be, neither does Time
These moments are like the solution to a mathematical problem
If we put all our personal units of time together, we arrive at a moment
The one that stays with you
With your Time
Quote to Owner / Somewhere, There's a Party by Holly Warburton / "The Prophet" Book by Khalil Gibran / Quote to Owner / Spirit Hold by Holly Warburton / "Freak" Book by Jonathan Harnisch
"To be loved, is to be changed"
but does it also apply when you never loved yourself, and at some point, you start doing it?
They always refer to it as a second person loving you, and then changing afterward because you got loved. But what about when for years you despised yourself so hard you punished your soul for the only purpose of being alive, and then you started patiently liking yourself ? Observing the way I gently scooped a spider in the corner of my bathroom to set him free. Before, I would've killed it. Noticing how I listen to my heartbeat in the middle of the night and being thankful to exist. Before, the sound of my lungs expanding, irritated me. Accepting that some of my actions WILL hurt people, and I'll learn from my mistakes. Before, I would've crucified myself for hurting anyone.
To be loved, is to be changed, in the sense that for years, all I've ever known was anger and hate for my existence, and now, that I'm not surrounded by it, the world suddenly turnred quiet and peaceful, and in some occasions, worth living. Maybe we should start adding this to the list: to be loved BY YOURSELF, is to change, slowly, and gradually.
you are too full of life and love to be half loved by someone. you deserve a love that feels satiating for your spirit. you deserve a love that makes you feel seen. you deserve a love that makes you feel heard. you deserve a love that listens and a love that is patient. you deserve a love that is kind and a love that feels warm. you deserve a love that makes your heart explode and a love that sends shivers down your spine. you deserve a love that takes the time to study you, that takes the time to understand your mind. you deserve a love that is patient and compassionate. you deserve a love that grows old. you deserve a love that doesn’t judge but instead accepts you wholeheartedly; flaws and all. you deserve a love that sends tingles through your whole body and leaves butterflies swarming in your stomach. you deserve a love that gives you 80 on the days that you can only give 20. you deserve a love that sends you into overdrive at the slightest thought of their touch. you deserve a love that lasts. you see how you simply read this, you deserve a love that is simple and extraordinary all in one. you deserve to be felt, you deserve to be loved. you deserve love.
“You just have to say to yourself “I’m not willing to accept anything less for myself than what I deserve. I am smart. I am beautiful. I am a good woman, and I deserve to be happy.”
— Amari Soul
Lesson
Your love is so confusing, I can’t turn away
This on and off behaviour is off putting
I am like pudding in your hands
This is not how it was supposed to go, you are not who you were supposed to be
I wanted something authentic, not a soul who was not ready for me
I want to let this go, you’re retaining me from my goals
But I guess you’re just a phase, like all the others were
Just another lesson to learn
Walking with the Wind, Abbas Kiarostami (translated by Michael Beard)
"I liked you for a few moments after I first saw you."
-Then, what happened?
After that, I fell in love.
Art by Roberto Diaz
Emil Melmoth
Emil Melmoth
Migraine