Aggressively Miscellaneous Sentence-Starters
“None of this would have happened if you just kept your read receipts on like a normal person.”
“I didn’t even like them when they were alive. I’m supposed to suddenly give a damn now because they’re dead?”
“This is how you treat the person that shares his/her weed with you?”
“It wasn’t a big fire. Small fire. Baby fire. Fire-ling.”
“Jesus! You’re quiet. We should really put a bell on you.”
“You cannot live off convenience store chicken tenders. You’re going to get listeria again.”
“Does anybody want to get deep into voodoo with me?”
“No offense but your roommate is kind of a twat.”
“I was feeling really down about myself so I bought $47 worth of puzzles on my lunch break. It helped.”
“You carry around a pack of Pokemon cards wherever you go but you didn’t bring your freaking Epi-pen with you?”
“Is now a bad time to tell you that I never learned how to swim?”
“Kind of can’t believe I shaved my legs for this.”
“…sure, how could I possibly take offense to that?”
“Loser buys lunch. For a week.”
“That’s a terrible revenge plan. There’s not even any knives involved.”
“Delete that picture or I’ll delete you.”
“I’m a little concerned that someone who doesn’t build things has this many hammers.”
“Hey, is this book of spells real, or just for show?”
“What’ll it take to buy your silence?”
“Your spelling is almost as bad as your flirting.”
“Oh no. Your 90s R&B playlist. Are you okay?”
“Why does your car smell like peppermint?”
“If anyone asks, I was here all day. Actually, no. I was downtown, reading to blind children. Yeah, that’s better.”
“That is an excessive amount of liquor for three people.”
“I’m just going to key his/her car real quick.”
“I’m going to shove that fidget spinner down your goddamned throat in about three seconds.”
“You have the handwriting of a doctor…who writes with his mouth.”
“I’m really sorry I set your dryer on fire again.”
“Who would’ve thought Armageddon would have such a bug problem?”
“God, this is a bad idea and we haven’t even done it yet.”
“I’m not saying this is a suicide mission. I was just wondering what you wanted me to write on your wooden grave-marker.”
“Do you think class will be canceled if the planet actually explodes?”
“I really hope those weren’t gunshots.”
“In this world, you learn to let go.”
“I can’t eat anymore month-old fruit cocktail.”
“You stay here. Lock the door and call 911.”
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this but… we have to save him/her.”
(“You’re bleeding!”) “The blood’s not mine.”
“Do you have a better idea?”
“Look, if it’s either this or die…we don’t have a choice.”
“The power grid is down and so are the phone lines. Looks like we’re on our own.”
“We can either hunker down and wait this out, or we can try to find a way out of dodge. Your choice.”
“We’re down to four bullets, so your aim better be fantastic.”
“I figure I’ve got at least another hour before I bleed out.”
“Well, the screams came from that way so we should probably go the other way.”
“This is so not how I pictured the end of the world.”
“You think the barricade will hold?”
“There’s only one road out of this godforsaken town.”
“Things were so much easier when the dead stayed dead.”
“Quit your bitching. You’ve got another arm, don’t you?”
“Aliens are much uglier in real life than they were in movies.”
“Fifteen feet of snow so far and no end in sight. I sure hope we bought enough bread.”
“The water is rising so unless you know how to build a boat, we need to get to higher ground.”
“You must be here to rescue me. You’re too pretty to be the Angel of Death.”
“You’d be surprised what you’ll eat when you don’t have any other choice.”
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
“This is my territory and I make the rules. If you don’t like it, you’re more than welcome to go live among the flesh-eaters.”
“Welcome to hell. I’ll show you around.”
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