JV's life and moments

this is my blog of me and my likes . 33 soon to be 34. Vibin💙.

[arielfrank]

[rippedguys]

Michael Yerger

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[justinanthony92]

IM SCARED

Scared of being alone forever because I’m not meant for anyone .

But we come into this world alone and we die alone

Maybe it’s why I’m meant to be alone

[a-little-less-than-okay]

[lucidloving]

@roach-works // Melissa Broder, "Problem Area" // Mary Oliver, "The Return" // @annavonsyfert // Koyoharu Gotouge, Demon Slayer // Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance // David Levithan, How They Met and Other Stories // Tennessee Williams, Notebooks

[florifer]

will i always be this angry?

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[justinanthony92]

I am trying to heal. Heal myself. Heal my heart before i see you again. I don’t know what’s going on in your head. You probably realize you deserve more than what i can ever give you and you are dating or meeting new people . I have to heal myself because i was the reason you are gone. I am the one who pushed away i am the one that said we are officially done… i need to work on myself and find out where this hostility and hurt are coming g from. I don’t just get mad at anyone

I need to heal. Heal what is bleeding inside and outside of me . I feel it . Everyday . It wasn’t as strong but it grows more everyday.

Life goes on. No matter what we think

And that is what hurts but people must move on .

😔💔

[justinanthony92]

🥹💔

[justinanthony92]

I hope one day we can reconnect

On an entirely healed level

Maybe we just had the timing wrong ?

But i also understand that what i want is not what you want and that is okay.

I’ll always remember our memories together

All the festivals, all the shows, all the nights dancing, all the nights holding each other like our life depended on it.

There’s so many times where i wanted to text you about what happened, or what’s going on in my life or who i saw.

I love you Jr

08/31/2019 💙🖤

[justinanthony92]

[justinanthony92]

March 31, 2024

It’s time for the big move

The move to head back home

To where my family, my friends, my mom my dad my sister and my niece are.

But i still don’t know how to feel

Everyone is trying to help me stay but the universe is saying otherwise….i don’t know what will happen next . But i tried out here. I moved out here for the one that i thought was going to be the one for the rest of my life. 

But a mix of deceit, traumas, lying, not healing properly, not growing and honestly maybe it was just the wrong time. But things did not work out. That’s how life can be sometimes. No matter how hard you try ….things don’t always work out.

I’m going to miss calling you, having you come over, sleeping next to me and feeling your sweet touch every time i woke up or had a bad dream.

I held onto the feeling and probably will for the rest of my life because i thought you were the one. I thought I’d wake up in five years and we would have our own place and start our lives together.

But that’s not what is meant to happen, I’m going to miss San Diego and getting up and hanging out with my friends and enjoy my freedom everytime i wanted.

No, now it is time for self love, self healing, learn more about myself and fall in love with me all over again… then… maybe then…. I can find someone who will understand me, will take care of me, will love me, will give me the love that i deserve. But for now i will give it to me. Yes i will cry when all i want to do is feel your touch, yes i will mourn the relationship that could’ve been something but will never be everything.

Yes i will sad when i think of you, yes i will get sad when i want to talk to you.

But this is for the better…. You deserve better

I only hope i can believe my own words over time. I may not have forever on this planet but i just want to be loved …. So much….

[justinanthony92]

And with this i pray

I meditate and i speak out to existence

Whatever is coming my way . Just let me breathe. Let me learn how to be alone and especially figure my life out

Rn it’s me in this world . Just me. And I’m navigating

[justinanthony92]

I moved whole counties just to be with you.

Was that not proof enough that i saw the rest of my life with you?

After a while it was just hurt and pain and alcohol and hurt and loneliness.

The loneliness of not having anyone out here.

But i saw something with you. Lifetimes, years, minutes, seconds, hundreds and hundreds of them! and they were, but after a period it became not worth it

I gave up on us. I gave up on trying .

So i cheated . No one makes you cheat

But the way you made me feel.

The way my heart hurt after every night with you the first year. I was in pain . You made me feel like i was the crazy one. You made me feel like it was all my fault .

I will never let a human being or anyone or anything EVER make me feel that way every again.

You fell in love with me because with me, i gave you everything

I took care of you. I loved you, i followed you, i cooked, i cleaned, i loved, i washed, made you feel like a fucking King

You made me feel like a peasant.

I took care of you in all of our trips. I brought you flowers, i wrote you notes. Anything to show you how much i cared and you fucking hurt me Jr .

You’ve hurt me more than anyone ever has. You put me through things no one should feel.

And i in turn returned the reaction and gave you back what you gave me but see after that .

Something inside me flipped . My heart turned around and rose to defense .

The fights, the pain, the aggression, the lies, the deceit, is what made us toxic

We aren’t toxic

We did things that were toxic

Even now, i know that it will hurt like hell

I will face it. I will cry and cry and cry like i have been and hopefully

The pain from losing you will slowly disappear or just numb after a while

I ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet

But you've never looked at a man and been totally vulnerable

Known someone that could level you with his eyes

Feeling like God put an angel on Earth just for you

Who could rescue you from the depths of Hell

And you wouldn't know what it's like to be his angel

You don't know about real loss

'Cause that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself

[justinanthony92]

😔