If there is gonna be a Labyrinth sequel, here’s what it will likely have:
- Disrespectful CGI David Bowie as Jareth
- The plot is that the Underground gets stuck Aboveground
- Severe canon divergence due to a lack of intelligence in Hollywood
- Goblin fortnite dancing
- Jareth trying to learn the “new lingo” of today saying stupid shit like “this is lit”
- The inevitable selfie joke idk
- I can just see Jareth walking down a busy street and some teenagers walk up to him because he looks ✨different✨ and they ask for a selfie because the media thinks that’s what teens do
- Half-assed Bowie tributes
- Jareth thirst in the worst ways possible
- did I mention it will be out of touch with our generation?
- Sarah will likely make no appearance or she’ll be stripped of what makes her character so important and special
- Technology fumblings you get when a non-earthly creature ends up in the modern timez™️
- “wHaT iS An iPhOne”, “Alexa, play Magic Dance”
- Social media plug (probably for insta or TikTok idk which is worse)
- Modernizing Jareth makeover
- Gratuitous forced romance scenes between Jareth and the female lead because progress and representation is the last thing on a sequel’s mind unfortunately
- Myriad fart jokes (also inevitable)
- Forget themes of growing up or appreciating your childhood and instead take the cliche “different and not fitting in” narrative because we don’t have enough of those stories
