he had been forced really. lani had basically laid claim to his friendship the second that they met, and regardless of current situations, she hadn’t let up. the walls of his apartment were all that the boy had known for weeks now, with the exception of the one or two times that koda had been able to drag him out into the harsh sun. the girl hadn’t stopped texting him to check in - even after multiple unanswered threads. so, imagine his surprise when he tugged open his front door, and saw her on the other side of it, a cooler of food in hand, and a swift kick from koda. pleading with him for at least an hour. so, he agreed. calloused fingers tugged and toyed with a loose thread of his board shorts as his dark, sunken in eyes lift to flicker over the other. “i didn’t know you had a boat.” he rasps, almost matter-of-factly, his throat hoarse from the lack of use.
“i’m not saying that i stashed a book to the side for you as soon as we got it in, but i’m not necessarily prepared to say that i didn’t.” his lips curve into a small grin as he slid the thick literature across the table towards her. “oh *and* i already checked, and they have an audiobook. know how much you like to multitask while doodling in the margins.” he grins, falling into the booth across from her.
having ridded herself of the small terror that seemed to constantly be spinning out at her feet, she found a large bottle of wine in one hand, and the other rapping quietly at the door before her. heaviness had surrounded her day to day life, taking on the weight and pain of the people that surrounded her daily. not that she was complaining in any measure - she simply wasn’t, but sometimes - it was a little too much. and in times like those, she always ended up at the same place, with the same bottle in hand. “can i talk to you about our lord and savior, red wine?”
a wide grin displayed on her face as she realized it was scarlett behind her. “what are you kidding me, it’s literally my pleasure.” she insisted as she placed scar’s bottle next to the swarm of hers. for a second she thought about how this must’ve looked– her buying damn near half of the liquor store, but after hosting a few “networking” events she found herself running low on just about everything. “please, let me be nice when i’m feeling nice!” she chuckled shaking her head before turning to hand the cashier cash and her ID.
scar’s smile only seems to widen over the proposition, leaning over to gently nudge her shoulder with the other. “i was thinking about taking this bad boy down to the edge of the pier and attempting to forget the father of my child.” she laughs, painted nails dragging through her dark curls as she lets out an exasperated huff. “you in?”
the cup cradled in her hands has her name scrawled across it in the standard harried barista script , sharpie smeared , but lux had certainly never seen or tasted anything off the love you a latte menu that wasn’t a standard flat white or a tooth - achingly sweet vanilla bean concoction theo had persuaded her into trying . turning slowly to the figure next to her , still staring warily at the drink , she sort of half held , half thrust it towards them . “ i think … this might be yours ? ”
@cliquehqstarters
scarlett’s eyes flickered from her phone, trying to but together some semblance of a digital schedule for the day. the only thing that was even moderately easing her mind in preparation for the daunting day ahead, was the sweet, sweet peppermint mocha that was now because tugged forward, and ripping her from her thoughts. “i-” her voice cracked, but as soon as her dark eyes lift and land on the woman before her, a sort of relief washes over her. “not a fan of mocha?”
When her name enters the air, there’s an instant discomfort beneath her skin, as if someone had slid some kind of layer beneath it in a way that made her feel as if she didn’t belong within. Her green orbs shifted to the female, sensing a familiarity there, unusual for Gillian to feel but when the second name came forward, she became painfully aware. Within an instant, her stomach dropped and a wave of cold seemed to engulf her, the others presence forcing her to a time and place she didn’t want to soon acknowledge. For a moment, a silence surrounded them, perhaps too long as Gillian’s mind seemed to collapse in on itself in an attempt to avoid confronting horrid memories, almost forgetting the world around her in the process, almost forgetting that she should say something. “Hi..”
Something in the air seems to nearly shift as the other delays in a response, immediately leaving scar to wonder if maybe she had forgotten her. it was years ago, after all - practically an entire lifetime. swallowing thickly, relief washed over her as the small word fell into the air. “what... what’re you doing here?” he brows furrow as her head tips to the side, eyes blown wide in wonder and curiosity. “i mean.... have you been in town long, or?” her voice cracked as fingers curl tightly around the cup between her palms, suddenly feeling impossibly nervous.
when: 3/25
where: jake’s room
mentions: koda and wesley
description: after their argument, eden comes by - and it spins into the reveal of all the impacts of jake’s selfishness
trigger warnings: mentions of surgery, body altering, dysmorphia, and sexual acts and/or mentions of cheating, self hatred
@partialhearts
Eden:
she can't just leave it like this, it's been days, she hasn't seen jake, or heard from him and she knows she's hurt him. he's breaking her heart, all over again, does he know that? it's obvious jake has no idea what he does to eden, or how difficult this has been for her, too. "is jake in?" she asks koda when he answers the door, exchanging a few quick pleasantries before she's rapping on jake's door for his attention. "jake -- can i -- can we talk?"
Jake:
he hadn't gone out with the friends that he should have - instead, attempting to numb the hole in his chest with alcohol and bad decisions. the most recent of which, happened to be a scuffle with a guy at the bar. one that had been obscenely bragging about hooking up with the love of jakes life. and for that, he got a busted lip and a black eye. but, if you asked jake - you should see the other guy. hearing a series of raps at his door, his heart caught in his throat at the familiar voice. "y-yeah?"
Eden:
she has no idea what is going to come of this talk, but she knows that her and jake have to work out some kind of boundaries. eden has to apologise, at least. "i heard -" she swallows thickly, seeing the damage for herself now. "i heard you got into a fight." she feels guilty somehow, because this is so unlike jake, he's not the violent type. "are you okay?"
Jake:
she steps closer, and immediately, he's ingulfed in her scent and without meaning to - it soothes him. "i'm fine." he nods, scribbling words off to the side of the book hes reading before sliding a bookmark into place and dropping it to the nightstand. "you don't have to look at me like that." he sighs, noting the look of worry on her features. "it's alright."
Eden:
it's not alright, since when did jake get into physical altercations? she sighs, pushing forward so she can get a better look but she keeps herself at a safe distance. "jake -- this isn't like you." but that's not what she's here for, so she swallows down her pride. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry for kissing you. i shouldn't have let that happen."
Jake:
“oh.” he rasps, immediately assuming that the girl had regretted such an action, which somehow only makes him feel worse. “okay - that’s... yeah.” he swallows thickly as he shifts just enough to let his legs hang off of the bed. “it won’t happen again.”
Eden:
she's been selfish, thinking she could have her cake and eat it, thinking that she could have jake, and every other guy that looked her way. she was doing everything that he had done, playing from a book jake had written. "i just - i was still holding onto you, i guess. i think maybe i always will be.
Jake:
there was a small ounce of him that felt reassured by her mention of an always holding onto him. for, he knew there was no one else bette suited, or with settling down for. “i shouldn’t have made any sort of assumptions - it was just jarring...”
Eden:
guilt settles heavy in her chest, and she stares at jake, stares at his black eye, stares at his sad puppy dog look. he always looks like he's been kicked when he speaks to her. "you always make me feel like i'm in the wrong."
Jake:
his head lulled forward as he let the words sink in, feeling heavy and a lot like there was a crack all the way down his body that he couldn’t mend. “you aren’t wrong. i deserved all of this.”
Eden:
it's not up to eden to decide what it is he deserves, she's not doing this in purpose, it's not as if she thought it would hurt jake. "i nearly killed myself trying to love you, jake. i turned myself inside out trying to be perfect, it was all i wanted - you were all i wanted."
Jake:
guilt sets heavily in his chest once more as she speaks, leaning his head back against the wall behind him. "i..." he cleared his throat as he leaned over to rifle through his bag for a moment, handing her another note, scribbled with an little piece of paper that he had considered giving her prior (see notes channel). "here i..." he held his hand against his bruised stomach as he sat up.
Eden:
she stares at the paper, and all it does is hurt. "you give me crumbs." eden snaps, tears building in her eyes. she can't take it anymore, all of these notes, these bullshit promises you keeps making me like you're dangling a relationship in front of me on a god damn thread. you don't want this, you've never wanted this. i fucking did everything i could to be the perfect girlfriend, everything except take care of myself."
Jake:
"i- what?" his brows furrowed as his eyes flicker over her features. didn't want her? it was quite the opposite. how could he have been so impossibly bad at showing that. "that's not.... eden, that's not true. you.... you have to know that i loved you... right?"
Eden:
"did i know that, did i?" she says, tears streaming from her eyes. "you didn't love me, if you loved me you would never have hurt me, you would have thought about what you were doing every fucking time you ran off with someone else. you think it hurts? you think seeing me with other guys hurts? imagine what it feels like doing that....for years, for fucking years. i couldn't eat, i couldn't sleep, you were all i thought about. i was scared of putting on weight, i was scared of cutting my hair in a way you might not like, i was scared every time you didn't pick up the phone. you....loved me, because i was stupid enough to let you walk all over me. because i was the dumb fucking dog that wouldn't leave your side, no mater how many times you left me out in the cold."
Jake:
the words empty into the air and seem to slice into him, burying themselves deep inside. at first, he's confused - lost on how anyone that he felt so strongly about, could ever feel like they weren't loved. but, the longer that she explains it, the deeper his heart sinks, realization rolling over him again and again. "no that... that can't be right, eden. you.... you're the only.... you ...." but, he didn't have an argument, because everything she had said, was valid. "it wasn't like that." his voice cracks, ready to explain exactly why he had been such a fool all along, his hand immediately wiping a tear from his face.
Eden:
he doesn't get it, he never has, he's selfish, he can only see his own pain, his own insecurities - he was too focused on himself that he never saw how broken she was every time she let him back in. "i gave you...every piece of me that i had. i did everything you wanted." the woman stares at him, pleading, just hoping for once he'd fucking understand. "and you couldn't even stay. you never stayed, you took any opportunity you had to leave me. i could cry, and cry, and cry, but it didn't matter to you. why don't you see that?"
Jake:
he’s quiet. no words, whispers, or pleas. for the first time in his life - he feels an overwhelming and all consuming amount of self hatred, realizing that he was running and searching for affirmations whenever he felt he needed them, because he felt like he wasn’t good enough - and all the while he had been doing that to her. “i never... i never wanted to be the guy that made you feel that way. i...”
Eden:
she can't stop herself from crying, now she's finally letting all out, there's no stopping the downstream of tears that comes. "you didn't want to be any guy for me." she says, her throat hoarse. "you made that perfectly clear. i wasn't enough, i was never enough. all i wanted was to be yours, it was all i ever wanted. i didn't want anyone else. so i'm sorry if the way i'm acting is hurting you, and i know it sucks, but i'm not doing this for you, or to hurt you. i'm doing this for me, because all i've ever done is bleed myself dry, for you."
Jake:
the organ that once was his heart, is gone - missing entirely as he looks at her with wide, devastated eyes. he had somehow made her believe that she wasn’t worth every star in the sky. the one thing he was assigned to do as he boyfriend, and he had fallen short. wiping his face, he can only manage a nod - understanding entirely that he had single handedly wrecked a future with the only woman that he loved. “i understand. he whispers, chancing one more look at her as his lower lip trembled. “it was never about you - for the record. it was me. it was my own things. you... god, i loved you so much, i couldn’t breathe. but... fuck.”
Eden:
eden shakes her head, it's too little too late, it's the same fight, every time, he tells her he loves her, like it makes a difference. "you loved me, but you loved fucking around with other girls more." she states, her eyes red, tears still falling, but now it's frustration rather than upset. "i have to live for myself now, i have to, because if i keep doing this - jake i can't."
Jake:
he wants to beg. to plead. to tell her a million times over that he hadn’t realized what he was doing. that he needed her. but, her words sound a lot like giving up, and he can’t bring himself to blame her. not after the new information he’s been given. “i understand. i... i didn’t know how awful it was, and now... i’m almost mad at you for staying.” the laugh that pulled out is so painful. “i’ll leave you alone - i didn’t know that i was making things worse.”
Eden:
"you just don't get it, do you? everything i did, every move i made, it was all about you. i could have gone anywhere for school - anywhere but instead i chose to stay here, because i wanted....i wanted to see you. i wanted to be closer to you."
Jake:
guilt sets in ten fold, like a train ramming right into his frame and leaving him deflated and defeated. he had known he made mistakes, but the more she spoke, the more he was certain that he couldn’t have possibly been worse for her. what he once was certain was his soulmate - his endgame, was tugged away. and it was on him. “eden -“ he whispers, his voice cracking, too ashamed to even look up at her. “i get it, okay? can you just... can you give me a minute, please? this is a lot to process and i just...” he sighed heavily, his fingers quickly brushing his tears away. “i didn’t know. im sorry that i never bothered to know.”
Eden:
she looks at him sadly, again, it's about jake, it's always about him. and she gets it, he needs time to process, she feels guilty, and so eden slinks back, nodding her head as she wraps her arms around herself. "yeah - okay." she stares at the ground, biting down upon her lower lip.
Jake:
clenching his jaw in repetitions, he tries to steady his aching heart and connect the dots, his world thoroughly and completely demolished. “okay....” he breaths, looking over at her with wide, sad eyes. “i want you to tell me everything. i... i mean, you basically did. i just - i was obviously too blind to see this before, and i just...” he clears his throat, shifting on his bed and catching a loose thread from his jeans in his fingers. “i didn’t know. and that’s... it’s my fault. i’m... im just sorry that i messed it all up and that i made you feel like i didn’t love you.... or want you. that’s wansnt how.... that wasn’t fair. you were always enough. it was my job to make sure you felt that way, and i failed you - and i’ll regret that for the rest of my life.”
Eden:
"what do you want me to say, jake? i spent 2 years in therapy because of you. i was hospitalised because i wasn't eating, i starved myself, you didn't even -" she looks at him sadly. "you weren't there when i needed you. i'm always there when you need me." it's her own fault, really, she struggles to reach out for help, she doesn't know how, she's far too busy looking after everyone else that she neglects to ask for help for herself, but jake should have known, shouldn't he? "i got surgery because i thought...i thought if i looked more like those other girls....prettier, sexier...."
Jake:
he’s not sure which new information weighs heavier, or if he’s ever really hated himself as much as he did in this very moment. “i don’t... i...” he rasps, furrowing his brows as he starts to connect the dots. why had it taken him so long? surely he wasn’t dumb - he should have caught the signs. he should’ve checked in. he should’ve shown her. “i’m sorry. i didn’t... i’m so...” his voice cracked as he pulled his knees ups, his elbows pressing against them, cradling his hands between his palms, and instantly - he feels 15 years old again. he had mis-stepped so drastically that he had wound up making someone that he cared so deeply for, feel the way that he had 8 years prior. long, calloused fingers slid through his curls as the realization of the damaged caused truly set in. he had ruined her. broken her. his body heaved as he tried to force breath into his lungs between the barely audible sobs and whimpers of mantras of strung together apologies slipped from his lips. she never deserved that. him. the damage. the trauma. not any of it, and he had been essentially leading her on with what he thought were sweet nothings. “i’ll stop. i swear i’ll... i’ll stay away. you won’t see me again. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.”
Eden:
he's hurting and she wishes she could comfort him, she wishes she could push down her emotions and take care of jake without getting her hopes up. but she knows that if she takes him into his arms, she'll be lost forever. the tears come rolling down her face, and she knows that this is it, that they're done, it's over, finally she was going to walk away from jake and not look back, it was like losing a limb. "all i wanted was you, there was never any other option for me." she tells him, holding her hands to her eyes, hiding the tears as best she can. "i have to go, jake. i'm sorry."
when: yesterday
where: outs and abouts
mentions: n/a
description: jake is confronted with the fact that two can play at his game
trigger warnings: mentions of body dysmorphia ideals, and sexual acts
@partialhearts
Jake:
hooking his thumbs beneath the straps of his backpack, he wiggles just enough to redistribute the weight in it as he let out a hefty sigh. the party from the night before had been wild, and he was lucky to have snuck out in the early hours to catch at least a little rest. before trying to make it over to the coffee shop before his date with addi to get some writing done. crossing the street at the light, its only then that he sees eden. in the same clothes from the party the night before. he's not entirely certain who's place it was, but his heart seems to drop and crack in the pit of his stomach. he freezes, and only steps forward when he's honked at. visibly shaken, he jogs the rest of the way across the street and tries to calm an aching chest. "stupidstupidstupid." he rasps under his breath, knowing he's being unfair by the feeling of jealousy combined with absolute heartache he feels in the confines of his bones.
Eden:
her head is throbbing, and she makes a stop to pick up coffee from the local cafe, hoping that it might somehow help the dull ache in her head. she doesn't see jake until she hears the honk of a car, and her attention is quickly drawn to his direction. she was acting just like him, she knew it, she was stumbling out of the beds of strangers just as jake used to, and she wasn't being subtle about it either. "morning!" she calls, waving over at him casually.
Jake:
hearing her voice, meant that there was absolutely no way out of this impossibly uncomfortable scenario, which only further sent his heart directly into his stomach, only stopping to crumble and break off as it haphazardly hit various inners on the spiral down. a knot forms in his throat, and he quickly clenches his jaw in an effort to not show an ounce of emotion across his features. "hey - i..." he brushes his hand through the air to acknowledge her before he glances around, realizing he would have to walk right by her to get to his chosen spot. letting out a shaky breath, he pushed forward, and avoided eye contact entirely, truly afraid of the minor details that would prove how she had been spending her time. "just.... coffee shop.... gonna.. try to write." his voice cracks, keeping his head down.
Eden:
he's being awkward, and eden is suddenly a little regretful, wishing she hadn't drawn attention to herself, or said hi. is he okay? she's too scared to ask. "oh right, yeah -- okay." he's avoiding her, right? but eden really thought they were doing good, that they were on their way to becoming friends. "i was just on my way there, too."
Jake:
"nice, yeah.... cool." he clears his throat as his eyes stay put on the sidewalk below, suddenly very aware of her proximity and instantly envisioning hands all over the frame that he had once claimed as his own. his eyes lifted for just a moment, and he caught sight of a darkened mark on her neck, and let out a defeated sigh. "cold whisk. kitchen whisk. it'll...." he nodded with his head. "used to have to before i went to work after..." nights with you.
Eden:
she's confused, not sure what it is he is talking about, but then she realises he's talking about her neck and eden claps her hand over the mark with a bright pink flush rising to her cheeks. "oh i - yeah, i'll give that a try when i get home."
Jake:
“sure thing. hope it was nice, at least.” offering the smallest smile in her direction, and an ounce of bite - he nods before he’s turning to heard towards the cafe in question. his heart aches - as if it’s already in pieces and the organ pumping his blood of a foreign object. his fingers grip tightly at the straps of his bag as he lets out a bough that feels strangled.
Eden:
was jake really telling her that he hoped her sex life was good? she clears her throat, feeling a little awkward as they stand there, not really knowing what to say to one another. she decides not to react to the comment, for it will simply do neither of them any good. "i was just gonna get a coffee to you, are you...staying here?"
Jake:
“no i... sorry.” he clears his throat and nearly stumbles as he starts he’s feet up once more. he knows it’s unfair. he knows that he no longer holds claim to anything about eden, which meant that she was essentially a free agent - but, the way it consumed him nearly completely, left him throbbing. the walk felt awkward - which wasn’t them. had never been them, but his mind kept alternating between their last kiss - and... well, her most recent activities. there’s so much he has to say, but nothing comes out. stepping up to the counter, her order tumbled from between his lips right after his own before he has a moment to stop it.
Eden:
she stiffens when he puts in her order, he's being kind, and it ruins her every time. there's something about it that makes her nervous, because will every ever get to be friends? she wishes they could - she wants to be able to take care of him, he deserves that. but does she deserve to hurt again? "i'll get these." she says quickly, adding jake's order to the list before she's handing her card over to pay.
Jake:
the second she’s holding her card out, he’s simply shaking his head and sliding a fistful of cash to the barista. “here - keep the change. thank you.” he hums, taking her card only to carefully slide it into her back pocket. dark eyes search the space before he finds a table, and drops his stuff onto it. he hates it. he hates that he can’t be close to her and not touch her - because he’s desperate, and needy - and he’s never wanted anything more than her.
Eden:
she sighs, sad that jake rejects her attempts to pay, feeling a little depleted as she pushes her card back into her pocket. "is it always going to be like this between us?"
Jake:
it feels like a loaded question as he nods towards the seat across from him. letting out a hefty sigh, his fingers throw themselves through his curls. “it’s just... a little shocking, seeing you out - in last nights clothes and a hickey. just...” he shrugs, not fully prepared to explain that it hurts him.
Eden:
it feels unfair, why does jake get to do all those things and she doesn't? why did he get the double standard? "i'm just having fun - jake - for once in my life i'm just, doing what i want to do." she sighs, "all i've done my whole life is live for everyone else."
Jake:
it falls on his chest like a heavy weight when she speaks. “i-“ he starts, but hears his name. excusing himself, he collects their drinks and deposits them back on the table before glancing up at her again. “i’m not judging you - or telling you what you’re doing is wrong. i...” he sighs, picking at the cup. “i just don’t like it. and i’m not... saying that, that’s fair either..”March 24, 2021
Eden:
"i didn't like it when you told me you loved me and 3 hours later you were fucking some other bitch." she stares at him, hard, her throat tight. does he not see? does he have no idea what he's done to her, the pain he's caused. all the self doubt, the way she hated other women, when women weren't the problem or the enemy. "i hated all of it, i tore myself up because of it. and i'm so fucking sorry, that i have to look for validation in everyone else who isn't you.”
Jake:
the words seem to seep into him in a way that he can't really explain, but he knows that it rocks him to his very core in an instant. he could feel eyes on him immediately - people that overheard her, instantly looking at him. "i didn't... i-" his brows furrowed as his stomach turned, eyes flickering across the space as he tries to put his thoughts into some sort of cohesive statement. "i'm not saying that you're wrong. you are free to do, see, or fuck - whomever you want, eden. i... you aren't my girlfriend anymore. right? you aren't.... you're not mine. and i have to live with that. i'm just saying that you might send the wrong message when you're kissing me, and then fucking someone else - but again, not really any of my business who you fuck. but, i'm super appreciative of the fact that everyone in this god damn coffee shop knows that i'm an asshole. thank you." he huffs, tossing his bag onto his shoulders once more, brushing by her.
Eden:
she stares at jake's back as he pushes by her, and she knows she's confused him by kissing him, she did wrong. but hadn't he? all the times he swore he'd be better, do better, and he didn't. tears burn in her eyes, and she can feel everyone looking at her, at jake, at them, at the mess they had created. she doesn't chase after him, she knows she can't, she doesn't want to cause more of a scene. instead she just clutches her coffee and makes off in the opposite direction, allowing the tears to burn in her eyes.
Jake:
his fingers roughly tangle in wild curls as he makes his way down winding roads. he had only wanted to write - having felt moderately inspired to do so as of late, but his mood was completely shot. note to self: a whole new percentage of the population now hates you. it wasn't that it wasn't deserved, jake was well aware that the errors and careless actions he had taken with eden, had earned him the right to be judged. but, god - did he love her. making his way back into his apartment, he tossed a wave in koda's direction to let him know he was back, before falling back on his bed and pulling the small stuffed animal to his chest as his free hand toyed with the threads from the hold in his jeans.
when: 3/10
where: dax, wes, and logan’s apartment
mentions: n/a
description: eden finds a quiet jake at a party and a game of truth or dare ends up in a kiss
trigger warnings: alcohol, weed, mentions of physical activities - or really alludes to them
@partialhearts
Eden:
too much weed, and she knows jake's eyes are on her. she has the head of her bong to her lips, comically shaped like a huge dick, and it isn't long before she's setting it aside to crawl closer to jake and drop her hands on his knees. "are you not smoking?"
Jake:
he doesn't register her until her touch lights up the entirety of his frame - the way that it always seemed to. glancing over at her, his features immediately soften, a smile squirming across his face. "i was given a blunt when i walked in. just riding that wave, gorgeous." he hums, heavy eyes taking their time to flicker over the details of her face. god, he missed her.
Eden:
she notices the way he looks at her, and she's powerless, she loves the way he smells, and it lingers on his knees, it's strong enough to reach her there as she rests her head down. "you're quiet."
Jake:
as she nuzzles down, his heart soars and cracks with the same wild affection that had always been there. mindlessly, and without hesitation, his long fingers dipped into her hair, gently pulling through the tresses as he hums. "just surveying. taking it all in."
Eden:
she takes deep breaths, steadying herself as his fingers pull through her long hair. it was blonder now, dyed, a final act of defiance against who she had been when she had been with jake. she wanted to be someone new, a better girl. "i didn't think you would come."
Jake:
"what? and miss out on a chance to see you?" he muses, his fingers twirling loose strands around his finger. the sheer beauty of her, was enough to make his body ache with absolute adoration for the one that got away. the only one he cared about at all. "not a chance."
Eden:
the girl rolls her eyes a little, feeling far too relaxed from the weed, her breathing quiet as she lets a silence fall upon her. "where have you been?"
Jake:
“where have i been? well, i’ve been right here all along, sweetheart.” his voice is soft, once that’s reserved for eden alone. “was there somewhere i was supposed to be?”
Eden:
shaking her head, she pulls away to sit with her legs bow shaped, feet pressed together. "no, i ws just curious. you're usually....around, i guess." she says, pushing a hand through her hair.
Jake:
she shifted, and his heart ached the second that most spence was shoved between the two of them. “i could be around more, if you wanted me to be.” his lips cock into a crooked smirk as he shifted to mimic her position.
Eden:
"i'm supposed to be staying away from you." she says with a little huff, shaking her head as she tries to put her thoughts in order. but is hard...."
Jake:
his brows furrow as she speaks, his heart sinking. he can only imagine what all she’s been told, and how it likely pushed her further. “you don’t have to stay away. i don’t want you to stay away.”
Eden:
she looks sad for a moment, her eyes looking the other way to avoid direct contact with his. "jake i --" she pushes herself up, wanting to change the subject. "you wanna see my boobs?"
Jake:
she feels miles away, and his heart simply throbs, because he would’ve done anything to keep her for just a second on the same page as him. but, she shifts, and he does too, forcing more space between the two of them. “when have i ever said no to such a proposition, eden james?”
Eden:
no one is paying attention to them, and eden is feeling exceptionally light and carefree. she grabs two beers and holds one out to jake. "drinking game, you and me, and then i'll let you see my boobs."
Jake:
his lips curve into a wide smile as she spoke, reaching out to wrap his fingers around the bottle. “well, you’ve reeled me in. name the game.”
Eden:
"truth or dare." she says, pointing her bottle at him before she takes a sip. "you ask me first -- i want truth." she pushes herself up onto her knees, waiting for his question. "if we don't wanna answer or do the dare, we drink."
Jake:
raising the bottle to his lips, he found himself nearly trembling with excitement to simply have her attention on him. “do you still think about me naked?” he smirked, arching a brow.
Eden:
the girl could refuse to answer, but it wasn't like she wasn't attracted to jake, she dated him, so of course she liked his body. "obviously." she scoffs, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks.
Jake:
his smile lifted at the edges, feeling a relief to know that she thought of him in any circumstance. “okay. good....” he hummed, lifting a brow. “i pick truth.”
Eden:
she's thinking, and as she looks up at him, working through her options, she taps his knee a little and smiles. "do you - still think about me naked?"
Jake:
her question falls into the air, and immediately his lips tip into a crooked grin. “i think you know the answer to that.” he rasped, audible between the two of them. “all the time.”
Eden:
she wants to know more, but it's not her time to ask another question. biting her lip, she looks back up at jake and shrugs her shoulders a little. "okay, give me a dare."
Jake:
his head tips to the side, raising the bottle to his lips, taking a swig. “a dare...” his brow arched as he pondered varying options. “okay. dare you to.... chug the rest of that bottle, and take the biggest bong rip of the night.” he chuckled.
Eden:
the girl gasps, her jaw slack as she looks at jake, surprised he was daring her such a thing but a dare was a dare. shrugging, she brings the beer bottle to her lips and chugs, downing the whole thing before she grabs her dildo bong once more, taking the best hit she could (which wasn't great).
Jake:
he watched her, his eyes hanging on her every move - nothing but impressed. leaning over, he dug another beer from the cooler and popped it open in one swift motion. "look at you go." he smirked. leaning to the side, to turn and face her. "okay - i'll follow your lead. dare."
Eden:
she hiccups, still recovering from the bong rip and the alcohol she has consumed. she doesn't drink beer often, too many calories, but she's too stoned to care tonight. "i dare you to --" she looks around before grabbing a plate of food from the table and dips a hot wing in the hottest sauce they have available and holds it out to him. "eat this."
Jake:
as soon as she hands him the wind, his eyes grow wide, knowing full well that he wasn't the best when it came to hot food. alas, a dare is a dare. chuckling softly, he took it from her and bit into it. there was only a handful of moments that it took to register the degree, and immediately his eyes were watering, and he was chugging the beer in hand.
Eden:
watching him with an amused look in her eyes, eden giggles and grabs a bottle of water from the table and holds it out to jake. "too hot?" she grins, pushing herself forward.
Jake:
letting a bout of laughter tumble into the air, he grabbed at the bottle and chugged it at record speed before wiping his mouth. "fuck. ill remember that." he glared, playfully. "your turn."
Eden:
she's scared now, because she knows jake will get her back for it. he has a sensitive mouth, but part of her wanted him to suffer a little. "you're cute with your lobster face." she laughs. "truth."
Jake:
his eyes rolled, as she spoke, but truth be told - if his face was t already red, it would’ve been after she spoke. “you’re terrible.” he chuckled, taking another beer in hand. “truth... hm....what’s your biggest regret?”
Eden:
it felt like a loaded question, but eden was too drunk and stoned to not answer. she had lots of regrets, most of them involving jake. "not loving myself enough."
Jake:
he furrowed his brows over the answer, his heart sinking heavily in his chest. how could anyone not love eden? but, he doesn’t push. instead he offers a sympathetic smile as he pushes the hair from her face. “truth.”
Eden:
she could ask the same, but if she does he could lie, he could do as jake does, and tell her the things she wants to hear, the words that will get her back into bed with him. “do you think you’ll ever get married?”
Jake:
it’s a loaded question - one that falls heavy on his chest and causes his heart to erratically skip a beat. he considers bringing the bottle to his lips, because the real truth would be that he’d only want to get married if it was with eden. “i think....” he huffed, ruffling his fingers through his hair. “i mean only...” he cleared his throat, and bit the bullet, raising the bottle to his lips to take a long gulp.
Eden:
the girl doesnt know what it means when he takes a drink, does he not? or does he have someone in mind? either way, he doesn't want to tell her. pursing her lips together, she picks at the label on her bottle and waits for him to finish.
Jake:
glancing over at her, he offered a small smile and tipped his head to the side. “what about you? do you.... wanna get married one day?” he rasped, almost nervous of the response.
Eden:
she does, she wants to get married, she always has, it's always been on her mind. "i want to get married." she tells him, "i can't wait to get married -- i think i've wanted to ever since i was a little girl."
Jake:
his heart cracked down the middle - thinking only of marrying eden, and what a life like that would be or look like. “i think you’d be a really great wife.” he slurred.
Eden:
she wants to be the best wife, the kind of wife a man brags about, she wants to be someone jake brags about. "i think i would, too. i'd cook all the time, and walk around naked -- blowjobs every day." she sighs, "yeah, i definitely wanna get married."
Jake:
a life with eden is the only one he wants, and the idea of being with anyone else - simply feels wrong. like breaking some sort of sacred bond. “you will. who wouldn’t brag about you, huh?” he mused, brow arching. “truth or dare, james?”
Eden:
it hurts, she wants him, she wants jake, he's the husband she would chose, but he's not the husband that would commit. "dare." she says with a weak smile, tucking her hands between her knees.
Jake:
his head tipped to the side. there wasn't a single thing that he wouldn't do for eden, and coming to terms with the fact that it might not be the life that he would get to have, left him aching. "yeah? you daredevil." he chuckled, eyes scanning their surroundings to try to carve out the best possible dare. "trying to dare you not to just fuck everything and kiss me, is increasingly difficult." he slurs.
Eden:
her heart stops, he doesn't have to dare her, already she wants to kiss him, she's desperate to. "then i dare you to kiss me." she says, her eyes wide as the drumming in her chest gets louder, stronger, and she can hear her heart pounding in her ears.
Jake:
the second that she says it, his head whips around, his eyes planting on hers. swallowing thickly - he doesn't have to think. he wants it. he hasn't stopped thinking about it since the last time. reaching out, his hand hooked around the back of her neck, and after his tongue wets his lips, he's leaning forward to slot their lips together. its in this one moment everything changes. his heart lights up and shivers run over his frame as his body burns hot.
Eden:
she kisses him back and it's passionate, fuelled with a fire she has not felt in such a long time. he owns her, wholly, he has the grip on her heart so tight that she can feel it fracture just a little more. she does not stop, not until her lungs are burning, begging for air.
Jake:
hes determined to not be the first to pull away, clinging to every second that he has her close. its a reminder that there isnt a person alive that creates the same all encompassing heat beneath his bones. his hand settles against her cheek as he lets the softest grunt slip from his throat.
Eden:
she forces herself to pull away, her hands shaking as she does, and her eyes are blown wide, dark pupils focused on his. "i--" she's nervous, she knows she's done wrong, but she also isn't sure if she cares right now.
Jake:
she pulls away and it takes him a handful of seconds to regain his surrounding and anchor himself, the alcohol paired along with weed, clearly impacting his sense of right and.... well, want. "sorry - i..." he rasped, laughing softly as his cheeks burned red. "okay - truth."
Eden:
she settles back into her space, swallowing hard as she places her hands in her lap, staring at him before finally dropping her eyes to her hands. "are you seeing anyone right now?"
Jake:
his brows furrow at the question, well aware that even entertaining anyone else right now, or even throughout the rest of his life - felt flat out wrong. “no. i don’t... i don’t intend on seeing anyone.” he answered, honestly.
Eden:
she wonders what he means by that, and if it's a good or bad thing. jake doesn't date, she knows this, she's the only one who has been there, and it had been a disaster. was she the reason why he didn't like relationships? had she been that bad a girlfriend? she looks down sadly, her heart heavy. "truth."
Jake:
“whatre you thinking right now?” he rasped, raising a brow as her mood seemed to shift. swallowing thickly as he reached out to gently wrap his fingers around her ankle - desperate to touch her.
Eden:
he touches her and she's soft, her mind melts, turns to complete mush. how does he get to have that power over her? how is that fair? "i'm thinking that....i wish i knew how to get over you."
Jake:
she speaks and it makes every inch of his heart break into the smallest of pieces, eyes flickering over her features. “truth.” he rasps, his thumb passing back and forth against her skin.
Eden:
it's a soft and gentle moment between them, her heart racing, the weed is doing nothing to slow it down. she's nervous, jake always makes her nervous. "did you love me?"
Jake:
it’s a question that nearly shocks his entire system. she wasn’t sure? she didn’t know? his brows furrow as his eyes lock into hers. “did i....” he sighs, dark hues falling to watch his thumb graze her skin as his heart swelled beneath his bones. “more than anything.”
Eden:
but it wasn't enough, was it? loving her simply wasn't enough. she couldn't make him stay, she didn't know how, and she had tried everything in her power. starved herself, had her body carved up on a table, injected, rejected everyone and everything, just trying to be perfect. "i should go."
Jake:
his heart sunk heavily in his chest as she spoke, his entire body simply deflating in two seconds flat. each and every day, he was realizing faults he had made, and every day - the guilt grew thicker. “no.... no.” he shook his head, offering a sympathetic smile. “thanks for hanging out with me, eden. missed being around you.” he sighed, pushing himself up and dropping his bottle to the table. shrugging his jacket on, he made his way out.
when: at some point in the most recent past im late uploading this my beeee Early March
where: cherry bomb diner
mentions: n/a
description: a meetup between the two over breakfast
trigger warnings: general food related triggers, mentions of nsfw related activities
@partialhearts
Jake:
he had tugged on a shirt purchased by her hands - wanting her to feel something for him - anything. flowers that were hand picked the day before, had begun to brown, but, he brought them all the same. sliding into the booth, he laid the flowers next to him - out of view as he waited. subconsciously, his finger picked and scratched at the top of his hand as nervous chaotically thundered through his frame.
Eden:
she was tired, but she was hoping a few cups of coffee would do her some good. she smiles when she sees jake, and he looks just as handsome as ever -- well rested. she wonders where he's been lately, what he's been doing and who he's been doing it with. he doesn't come out anymore. "hey you -" she smiles, slipping into the seat opposite him.
Jake:
his smile only widened the second her heard her voice, heart thumping chaotically beneath his bones - the way that it always seemed to whenever eden was this close. “hey!” his voice cracked, quickly clearing it in an effort to mask it. “i already ordered you usual. hope that’s okay.”
Eden:
she drums her fingers against the table and nods, trying to stay casual around jake. it was hard to be normal around him most of the time. when they were at parties it was fine, because they could blame it on the alcohol, but now? she had to do this completely sober. "oh no, that's perfect. thanks jake."
Jake:
“they should be bringing a bowl of fruit soon too..... extra strawberries.” his lips curved up at the edges as almost on time, the bowl was slid between them. without hesitation, he popped a grape between his lips. “how’s your day?”
Eden:
"i mean it's 10 so it's barely started yet." she says with a smirk, popping a piece of fruit between her lips. "you look good, are you doing something new with your hair? i never see you out anymore."
Jake:
“uh - well, i cut it a little. nothing like when i was 17 and went for the buzz - but, just because i know i’ll be surfing a lot with the weather, didn’t want hair in my face.” he shook his head to show off the way his curls bounced, a smile tugged at his lips. “i got you something.”
Eden:
she ignores the way her stomach feels when she watches his hair bounce, knowing that would just lead her down a dangerous path. "you did? what you get me?" she beams, surprised he's even making that kind of effort
Jake:
“well, it’s two parts. one now, one when you leave.” he hummed, reaching over to scoop up the flowers he had hand picked the day before. “they’re a little dead, i.... saw them yesterday, wanted you to have them.” he reached out to set them before her. “probably just need water.”
Eden:
a guilt washes over her, he was buying her flowers while she was doing god knows what with someone else. she looks stunned as she takes them, forcing a nervous smile onto her face. "oh -- they're beautiful. i don't -- what did i do to deserve these?"
Jake:
he simply shakes his head, lips cocked into the smallest grin over her reaction. “i just saw them... i don’t know what kind they are... you were always better at that than me, but they looked like eden flowers. like they belonged to you without even knowing you.”
Eden:
she feels it coming, the tears forming in her eyes, but she doesn't let them fall, they just sit in her ducts like big, threatening blobs of sadness. she misses him, she loves him, but she cannot have him -- she cannot have this. he hurts her, but like a moth to a flame, she is constantly drawn to his fire. "i love them, thank you." she says, turning to smile at him before taking a sip of her coffee.
Jake:
“i hope you can kind of nurse them back to health - i didnt really know what to do with them last night.” he chuckles softly, his hand rubbing nervously at the back of his neck. really, that’s what eden did - she took in broken things, and somehow - made them into something better. she had done it with him, he had just seemingly fallen apart with the fear of what that meant. “i read about this big volunteer thing at the great barrier reef they’re trying to set up next year. you think you’ll get to do that?”
Eden:
she examines the flowers, "i have some feed at home, i think if i trim the ends i should be able to nurse them back to health." she smiles, feeling incredibly guilty that she had not been able to take them yesterday. "i might do, i think it would be nice to sign up."
Jake:
truth be told, jake had always kept an eye on things that seemed like they would be up her alley. when they were dating, he had often volunteered to do a lot of it with her. “just sounded like it had eden james written all over it.” his smile raising at the edges as his eyes took in each of her features, completely in love. “i could help you fundraise. if you needed to..”
Eden:
"yeah...." she feels distant, holding jake back in order to protect herself. she should, shouldn't she? he's done nothing but hurt her. "as friends." eden adds, feeling her throat tighten.
Jake:
the words carry an unforeseen weight, slamming right into his chest in an effort to crack every inch of his heart he had left. instead of answering, he only nods - fearing the stinging he feels as his throat tightens up. luckily, pancakes are slid in front of him, and he doesn’t push his luck by saying anything further, instead cutting into them, averting his eyes.
Eden:
she doesn't want this distance between her and jake, it's not what she wants, not really. eden wants to be close to him, to be loved by him, to walk hand and hand with him on the beach, but she knows, she knows that jake hurts her, and she's been hurt too many times now. "how are your pancakes?" she smiles, hoping to shift the conversation.
Jake:
to say that it had been easy to cope and handle life without eden in the way he had her before - would’ve been a lot. he was self destructive, combative, and broken hearted. there was a hole in his chest and he had simply given up on trying to fill it - it was edens spot. no one else would fit. “the best. always reminds me why we come here.”
Eden:
she smiles when the tension is alleviated, thankful that her and jake can talk without making the situation weird. she doesn't want to know about what girls he's fucking right now, there's always someone, and it always hurts to see. eden loves him more than she could ever love anyone, and that was that. "i haven't been here in a while, if i'm honest."
Jake:
he could feel the confines of his chest start to spiral and the small marks in his skin, covered by jeans, but tender all the same. there was a panic. one he couldn’t tell eden about? because it was far too much, and she looked so good. he had been told she was happy, and he had really never ranted anything more. “oh yeah? i come here every sunday.” he shrugs, knowing it was one of the only pieces of her he had left.
Eden:
"i guess i just haven't had much time." she whispers, sensing the change in shift when jake's mood changes. "i've been wrapped up in work, i'm trying to focus on that lately."
Jake:
his heart rate seemed to pick up speed at the mention of not having enough time, his mind immediately wandering off - only tethered when she mentions work. “yeah? been busy with it?” he tips his head to the side, desperately trying to be the best version of himself.
Eden:
she's not cruel enough to divulge into what she's been doing, she's careful, unlike jake was. she doesn't want him to hurt the way she did when she had to watch him with other girls, making out with them in front of her. "pretty much. i think i wanna get out of the aquarium."
Jake:
nights were long, filled with replaying every mistake he made with her on a big screen in his mind - leaving himself empty and guilty. never able to sleep without the lone stuffed animal she had forgotten, even when he was with people - it was a temporary fix to a long term problem that he couldn’t fix. “why’s that?” he rasped, tipping his head to the side.
Eden:
“i just think i might do better out there, you know? doing some actual rescuing. i love teaching kids about the coral reef, i do - and all that. and i love taking care of the animals we have. i just think, i’d feel more purpose if i was out there doing something.” she shrugs, pushing her plate aside.
Jake:
he nods, well aware that eden was destined to change the world, and he found himself more and more proud of her daily. “well, whatever you do - it’ll be amazing.” he promises, pulling his wallet from his pocket. when he opens it and a polaroid of her falls out, he’s quick to scoop it up and slide it back in its place.
Eden:
she spots the picture falling from his wallet, and it's only on the floor for a moment, so she can't quite make out who it is, or what it is. if she asks, it might make things awkward, it could be her -- but if it isn't? she gives jake a bright smile and bottles down her feelings once more. "i think it'd be good if i did go, some time away."
Jake:
the idea of not seeing eden again for an undetermined amount of time, makes everything in his body hurt in a way that he wasn’t really expecting. clenching his jaw, he nodded, finally forcing his eyes up in her direction. “i... have one more more thing for you i just... would it be alright if you didn’t... look at it until i was out of view?”
Eden:
it's hard for her to accept gifts from jake, she doesn't know what this means, or what taking things from him might mean to him. she's scared, scared because being close to jake left her vulnerable, and she's been vulnerable to jake since she was 18. when she was away at college, it was easier to not think of these things, but here he was. "i can....sure." she smiles weakly, tucking her hair behind her ear.
Jake:
it’s not something he’s spent money on, but rather something he’s grown accustomed to do. at any point if he sees anything that reminds him of her, he scribbles exactly what he’s thinking. nodding slowly, he takes a moment of silence to let his eyes flicker over her features. loving eden was everything. and regret would always weigh in his chest like an anvil. “here every sunday. just in case.” and with that, he slid the paint sample face down and slid it over to her.
Eden:
why does he do this to her? she wonders to herself with a heavy heart that somehow she may never be free of what this is she has with jake. does he love her just because of how easy it is for her to give in to him? because she's always there? what would happen if she just stopped, what if she stopped answering? would he still love her then? is this even love? or is it just comfort? she holds her hand over the note and smiles sadly at him, "every sunday."
Jake:
its all he needs to hear - that hes hear, and that he will keep coming here. its the only pillar of consistency that he has. mistakes dont even cover what he regrets - losing eden had been a wake up call. she had been nothing but good to him, and he had messed it up based off previous peoples actions, pissing away the only form of happiness he had ever know. nodding slowly, he offered her the smallest smile before dropping cash onto the table for the waitress, and just like that - he was gone.
Eden:
she watches him leave and he takes a vital piece of her with him. when he's gone, she finally looks at the gift he has left her and she feels empty -- this is how jake makes her feel. he gives, and he makes promises, he gives her pieces of hope and then he tears them away. he doesn't realise he's being cruel, she doesn't want crumbs, she wants him to be a man.
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