Just melissa 83

Happy, single mom of two girls. Some days I will post a blog type blog, other times I am “writing a letter” to someone, but won’t use their name...Please don’t ask me if it’s about you....If the shoe fits...🤷🏼‍♀️ #singlemom #drama #letterstoyou #karma #lettinggo #thegoodthebadandtheugly #mysidemystory

[okayysophia]

Teen Vogue is doing the fucking work!!! Since many of you have hijacked the #SAYHERNAME movement...

[ofkimtaehyung]

BLACK LIVES MATTER - RAISE AWARENESS

On May 25, 2020, George Floyd was slowly and mercilessly killed by 4 Minneapolis police officers while being videotaped by concerned citizens begging them to stop. Floyd was surrounded and brutally dealt with by the police as Derek Chauvin’s knee pinned down his throat. Floyd kept screaming “I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!” but they didn’t listen. He then became unresponsive but was continually choked until his nose began to bleed, and his lifeless body was shoved into a stretcher and into the back of an ambulance.

The officers involved have been fired and the FBI has been called to investigate. But we must do our part to ensure that George Floyd receives the justice he deserves. Please sign these petitions addressed to the FBI, The President, The Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension, The Minneapolis Police Department, & DA Mike Freeman. An email on your behalf will be sent to all of the above. The lawyer representing Floyd’s family is civil rights attorney Ben Crump urges us to call DA Mike Freeman (612-348-5550) and tell him to arrest and charge these officers for the Murder of George Floyd, I encourage you to do so.

SIGN THESE PETITIONS:

https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd

https://www.change.org/p/change-org-the-minneapolis-police-officers-to-be-charged-for-murder-after-killing-innocent-black-man

https://www.change.org/p/department-of-justice-mandatory-life-sentence-for-police-brutality

https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd-2

https://sign.moveon.org/petitions/justiceforfloyd-demand-the-police-officers-who-killed-george-floyd-are-fired

https://go.theactionpac.com/sign/justice-for-george-floyd?akid=s126290..-x2Vhw

https://go.theactionpac.com/sign/stand-with-breonna?akid=s170063..jxQ_ei

DONATE TO GEORGE FLOYD’S FAMILY:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd

FOR THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE INTERNATIONALLY:

if you cannot sign without american postal codes, feel free to use these:

90015 - Los Angeles, California 10001 - New York City, New York 75001 - Dallas, Texas

TEXT “FLOYD” TO 55156!

TEXT “JUSTICE” TO 668366!

If you are white or non-black poc and would like to be educated and informed more, check the official page for #BlackLivesMatter: 

https://blacklivesmatter.com/

[justmelissa83]

MR. WRONG

Your letter is the easiest, yet the hardest to write.... I think because I have so much I want to say to you, and you were someone I was so invested to. We were family.....and then just one day, nothing. I hope that you change your ways, I hope that you someday, can put yourself before a woman. There is NO reason why you and your eldest can’t get a place, and just stay that way for a while. I know relationships are run and exciting....but seriously....SLOW.THE.FUCK.DOWN. Allow yourself to slow down and heal. It’s almost like your “relationships” are just “rebound after rebound” you don’t do relationships, you do rebounds....there is a big difference.

I am sorry that your family sits back and enables you, I know that has to be hard. I mean, really..... remember when your mom asked you to run to the liquor store for you when we were at the cabin...... who says that to their son who is trying to maintain his new sobriety???

I am sorry that I believed you. I am sorry that you fed me lies for months, and I had no idea. I am sorry that you still to this day have exes of yours controlling your life- the only time you change your social media picture is when one of your exes tells you to..... its funny, but its kind of sad at the same time.

I am sorry that one night after work you told me you were on your way home, and me and your oldest followed you to the local liquor store, watching you walk out....what a let down. You told me you were trying to get sober, and I did EVERYTHING to help you maintain that...from pouring all my alcohol I had in the apartment out, to scheduling appointments and attending family therapy... I did this because I WANTED to.

I am sorry that kids were involved. But I am not sorry that I got to know your kids. My love for them, will never change. I think about them daily, and hope that they are doing great.

Things were looking up for a while. But my point is, I was always so focused on you and your family, and your families needs, that I was putting them before my own.....and got lost. Luckily, I am okay and losing myself was one of the best things I could have done, because this person I found that exists today, is kicking ass!! OVER AGAIN, and we both agreed we were done having babies...So this whole thing about you having another baby makes me feel really sad. Not sad for you, not sad for your family, but for this poor baby who is going to be put in your chaotic life. Absolutely selfish. You only desire something if you get something out of it. This blog is helping me out more than I thought. I don’t know if you will ever see this, but it feels SO good to let it out.

All the “what about....”

Times you put yourself first- like when you slept through her school concert because you were drunk, but me and my kids were there. What about that time you showed up drunk to my friends house while I was at work, what about that time you had me fill out your divorce paperwork, just so you could completely change the answers without telling me, or all those times you would talk to your ex behind my back, calling her from your work phone so I wouldn’t see(your words). What about that time you made out with one of your exes RIGHT before you dropped your kids at my kids’ birthday parties...Jesus and kept it a secret for THREE MONTHS until SHE told me on Valentines Day. you are such a catch!!  I still have that screaming recording.....I’m sure people would love to hear that. SHAME ON BOTH OF YOU. What about that time you cheated on one of your exes with your OTHER ex.....while she was PREGNANT...... careful Quatro...even if you’re preggers with his baby, that won’t stop him.....yikes!! Why do you still talk to women that you were “interested in”? What about that time you couldn’t even talk to me like an adult, so you went to our phone carrier and claimed me and my two daughters phones as STOLEN...Pretty sure that HAS to be illegal some how..but I don’t want to look into it, cause I don’t want shit to do with you. That’s okay...the same person who you went to, I talked to the next day..... you tried getting off, but you still had to pay off the phones 😂😂😂😂 What about all the crying selfies you would send of yourself to me, after a fight? baaaaaaaarf.  What about last Father’s Day?.... Or do you not remember?, I still have the text from that stolen phone,ya know..  What about all the Uber rides I paid for, so your child could continue going to their school? I added that up the other day, unreal but not shocking. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ Why didn’t you tell me you got FIRED.......How long were you holding that one back?... No big deal, I pay for everything anyways. What did you do with all the gifts I got you? What about that time you gave me a promise ring?...just another one of your broken promises.

SO MUCH MORE TO COME.......WORK IN PROGRESS FOR THIS ONE.

[justmelissa83]

cheater cheater, pumpkin eater

For as long as I have know you, and all the memories we have made together, I would have a ton to say to you.... but I really don’t. In fact, I probably have the least to say to you. I know you never intentionally hurt me, but you did. We had a good run. Thanks for being a good example of what kind of “man” I want my kids NOT to look for. That was totally sarcastic, if you couldn’t tell. For those of you who haven’t heard my side.... he started a relationship with a chick at work. It started out as going to lunch at the same time... but then it went to hanging out on weekends, road trips, and much much more... super cool. When I asked you “why?” “why her?”.... I will never forget you saying “because she is always able to go do fun stuff”. Sorry I don’t/didn’t get into Pokemon Go.....??

MORE TO COME.....

It’s been real.......

[justmelissa83]

Number four.

Ouch....has to be hard when someone views you as a number, and not a person... I can say that because I was Number Three... it sucks thinking or admitting that, but it’s true... at least I can own it.

Everyone has skeltons in their closets, or baggage.... but Jesus, sweetheart...take a look around! He goes from girlfriend, to parents, to wife, back to parents, number three, back to his parents, and now to you. His ex-wife said it best, I just had a hard time accepting it, not sure it was because it was coming from her, or because I didn’t like hearing it. I know you don’t see it now, because you are “in it”.... but you, just like his ex wife told me, You are nothing but a safety net. He will take, take, take, as long as you give, give, give. I am not saying people can’t change, but sometimes you have to look at the big picture.. look at his stats. I don’t know you.... but i am telling you, you can do better. Do people not catch on to the bullshit? We had this “great” relationship...but how can you be so in love with someone, that you move into a RELATIONSHIP not even a month of ending it.....I smell desperation.

https://youtu.be/0JsUb7c-Dqo

https://youtu.be/sTMgX1PDGAE

[justmelissa83]

“D.”

My first letter I am posting! 

“D”, you were the one I wanted in high school. I was head over heels for you. And here we are 18ish years later, and we still somehow always stay in touch. Looking back on my relationships, I would describe you as my first heartache...It  felt like a heartbreak...but worse, because it never just broke in to two pieces...it just lingers. You gave/give me butterflies like no other. Your reasoning was “I’m not good for you”...and I respect that. But just know everything that has happened between the years I have never regretted. I will remember and cherish every 4 hour phone call for those of you who don’t know me.... I am definitely more of a text type person...I don’t like talking on the phone. Other things I will never forget are the silly conversations we have, we always pick up where we left off, you still to this day can tell when I am turning a nice shade of Red over the phone. And that time in the family room at my house.... But also what I won’t forget is how great and on top of the world you make me feel after you call me, but then how shitty you make me feel again when you go months in between talking to me...you just call me when you’re bored..... and usually I give in...because its you! It’s something I am FINALLY coming to terms that we will never be more than whatever it is we are now...and it is what it is. I’ve enjoyed you’re company. I hope you find that someone, if you haven’t already, that makes you happy, and that you are “good for” . I hope you find your Pink diamond.

Tonight we were suppose to get together. But you had an excuse. I started scrolling through previous convos...every time we have planned a night to get together, you bail. And for some unknown, annoying fucking reason I fall for it. You get me so excited to see you, and then fall off the planet until next time. Maybe this is what you meant by “not good for me”.

NEW!!!!!!!!!

It’s you.

MORE TO COME ON THIS LETTER :)

Wish nothing but the best for you.

https://youtu.be/HpEo7OJpOvk

https://youtu.be/duX9agMBJxA

https://youtu.be/iE30rLaDuDQ

https://youtu.be/ND04A2O1yeM

[justmelissa83]

[justmelissa83]

Back to blogging

Starting in high school I started medication to take, to help me with my depression and anxiety... but that wasn’t “enough” for me. I started writing in a journal, and I saw things getting better for me, I was able to release what I wanted to say, without it sounding like a bunch of word vomit.

So quick backround on me.... here it goes....

36 single mom of two girls ages 8 and 11. Suffer from mental illness, like many others..hopuefully this blog is going to be a good place for me to write my feelings out, letting me feel better... or maybe even better, have someone else read this, and not making them feel so alone.

I was born and raised in Minnesota. I had a great childhood...... so how did I get here? Well lemme tell ya!

THE NITTY GRITTY.........

Highschool was probably the greatest years of my life. At least my junior and senior  year... I got into quite some trouble, but looking back.... I had no real responsibilites other then keep up on school work, and going to school...I had it really good/easy. Like I said, I was in some trouble (taking someone elses car for a joy ride, when I didn’t even have a license, kicked off cheerleading, and suspended for a physical altercation) I mean, thats not awful is it? Fast forward....When I was around 18 started dating someone, after only two months of dating, his mom was moving to a city further away, so we decided to get our own apartment. Everything was great, then we got engaged, I graduated from Rasmussen with a degree in Early Childhood Education, we got married, had our first daughter in 2008...a few years later, upgraded to a two bedroom apartment and had our second daughter in 2011! We definitely were outgrowing our apartment, and we got our first house in 2013.

Around 2015 my marriage was starting to crumble. We never had a perfect relationship, but I remember around this time, it felt like we were more like room mates, instead of husband and wife. One night, he just didn’t come home from work. He knows how bad my anxiety can be, so for him to do this was incredibly disresepectful. I remember my mom calling me saying “I just talked to Chris, he is at his dad’s, he is safe, he just needs space, but he is okay.” At this point, I was relieved, but now just angry. He was gone for a week. thats right.... a week! We decided to seperate- On my days with the girls, I would go to the house and live there, and then when he would come for his days, I would leave and live at my parents. A friendship between him and another co-worker decided that they liked each other, and once I heard that- it was over. My divorce finalized in 2018. For the first time in years I felt free. My mom always brings up the story of how she came over one day to the house to hang out, and she asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and my response was “a divorce”. 2015-2018 was HELL for me. 

Stay tuned for more or don’t ........

Here was our wedding song.....

Ex oh ex oh,

Melissa