Forever and always

Nathalie.

[justntz-blog]

I made the biggest mistake of my life and I will regret this for the rest of my life.

[baekebyan]

We will beat this distance, I promise you.

Eight Word Story #159 (via baekebyan)

This ^

[justntz-blog]

Don't just plan. Make it happen.

[justntz-blog]

This 2016, plan and do everything to make it happen.

[justntz-blog]

It's okay to be rejected. Not everyone will like you.

[justntz-blog]

Rejection.

Honestly speaking, I’m one of those people who can’t handle rejection. Who wants that? No one. But I guess rejection loves me. It happens to me a lot. Like always.

But thank God that those things happened. Last Monday (December 14), I went to apply for a job. I had a feeling that it was a job wherein you will go to houses and sell products yet I still went there. I don’t know why but I just tried. And guess what? It really is that kind of job. But the things here is I learned something.

I went to houses with the dealer and showed me what they’re doing. Some people wouldn’t let you in. Rejection is always there. Then the dealer said, “It’s okay. There are still a lot of houses.” And we continued as if nothing happened. I had fun. Then we went back to their office. His husband asked me “What do you feel when someone rejected you?” And right there I answered “It’s okay. Not everybody will like it” without hesitations. I was shocked with my answer.

Since that day, something changed. My mind set changed. I stopped being so sensitive. Yes, this is a fresh start. Now I know why I felt like I need to go and check that job because God have something to show me.

[justntz-blog]

I heard those words again. It’s for the nth time already but it still hurt like I heard it for the first time. Yes, I’m still affected maybe because I haven’t change at all.

[justntz-blog]

Remembering those times when I should have ended it but I don't have the courage to do it.

[justntz-blog]

Up until now I still blame myself for everything.

[justntz-blog]

Kahit saang banda pa ng mundo ka nakatira, mahirap ang buhay kung hindi ka magsisikap.

[justntz-blog]

Aaah! It feels so good to finally blog again. I've been going back and forth on this blog for months attempting to type something then I would erase it and leave the page. Up until yesterday that I can no longer hold back. It's been months. I just post oneliner that really pertains to the situations I'm in, my feelings or just random thoughts. But it's never enough. I wanted more. I wanted to type and type and type until I get tired... until I blurt out all the things I've been keeping to myself. I guess blogging has been and will always be a huge part of me. Yes, it's also my escape.

[justntz-blog]

The more you keep it to yourself, the more it will eat you.

[justntz-blog]

Yes, I admit it! I’m depressed right now. All I wanna do is scream but I can’t. I want to do it so bad. The more I keep it to myself, the more painful it gets and it sucks! It’s like anytime I’m going to explode.

A lot of people asked me why I always sleep late. Ofcourse my answers would always be “I don’t know. i just can’t sleep. That’s all.” But the truth is, I always sleep late because I’m watching a serie or movie, playing games, reading or anything until I fell asleep. Everyday I do that because I wanted to distruct myself just so I don’t have to cry myself to sleep and think about all those things that I failed to do. And yes, it’s effective. It became my escape.

Little did I know that it’s killing me. Oh wait, no. I’m killing myself little by little. I suddenly saw my reflections in the mirror. Pimples started to invade my face and dark circles formed around my eyes. I was shocked. I made all these things. I made myself suffer even more.

I still wanna live. I’ve got a lot of things that I want to do. But I can’t. Maybe I wasn’t that strong after all.

[justntz-blog]

Listening to sad songs when you’re sad just so you won’t feel lonely.

[justntz-blog]

And then, i failed again.

[justntz-blog]

All I know is that this is slowly killing me.

[justntz-blog]

All I need is a sleeping pill.