A Random Ghoul | Aether and I dropkick transphobes | He/Him/His | In the Twenties | Minors DNI | Fanfics + Headcanons + Occasional sketches | Just here for the ride
Hi! Iâm just a random ghoul here trying to get this figured out XD
You can call me RandomGhoul or Random.
Iâve been a fan of Ghost for a year.
I sometimes write fanfics (I've been writing a lot of angst).
I will put a CW and TW (such as TW: [_____] ) if the fanfic(s)/headcanon(s) require(s) them.
Iâll also put NSFW warning as well.
My headcanons are inconsistent since they depend on the ship and the fanfic.
I'm a multi-shipper (I ship a lot of ships).
I'm personally not a fan of x Reader and I won't write it, but I don't judge those who do (even when you're not a fan of something, you shouldn't be mean).
Thank you for being here, for reading thisâmy writing as a wholeâand for making me feel like a somebody ;)
I need the sound of rain
Wearing dependence down
The line must be kept so thin
To live near life
Not within
The title means âI love youâ. Just as Deltaâs taps, the sequence of 1-4-3 corresponds to the number of letters in âI love youâ. January is 1 (first month), then 4 (th) and 3 (a.m.).
I know that this isnât the final chapter, but I have looked forward to every single chapter. Iâm sad to see you go after this, but I have enjoyed everything you brought to the Ghost community. Your posts have made me laugh, smile, squeal, fall in love along with the ghouls, cry, feel second hand anger for the ghouls, and just be overall excited to see what you had up your sleeve. Your posts have always made my day and brought me joy. I hope that the next chapter in your life brings you joy and that you have this nerd in your corner.
1k words ⢠Afterlife, Reunion, Bittersweet, Art In Chapter
A new beginning.
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read the epilogue below, or on AO3.
January 4th, 6143 AP
Delta wakes up with a gasp.
Feeling nauseous and dizzy, he digs his claws into whatever is below him to ground himself. It catches his attention; it feels weird, it feels likeâŚsand? Where did sand come from?
He opens his eyes, and it takes a moment for them to get adjusted, but thenâ
Out of both his eyes, he sees a beach by a lake surrounded with trees. Itâs sundown, casting a gorgeous golden-orange glow on the water; across it, there is a cave that he used to call his home for over four centuries.
He understands, then.
âNo. Oh, no, no, no, FUCK!â he yells, starting to hyperventilate. Why did he have to die now, why not one more bloody day!? Rainâs going toâ
As he looks around in a frenzy, he catches a glimpse of a bright, almost glowing, yet black-winged figure on the other side of the lake. He blinks confusedly, but then he also notices his handsâhis fingers are webbed, his claws sharp, and his fins flaring where theyâre running down his outer forearms.
Heâs the way he used to andâthe lake. He can feel it.
Heâs got his water back.
Tears well up in his eyes and, despite regaining the proper function of both his legs, Delta crawls toward the water, desperately needing to submerge himself and feel it the way he used to. Thereâs nothing more he wants in this moment.
Heâs himself again; just like that, he was given back most of what heâs been missing andâ
âDelta?â
Itâs not possible.
The Pit is more extensive than Earth, millions and millions of miles of both civilisation and barren lands. Itâs incredibly rare for two ghouls that have known each other Topside to be reunited in the Pit, soâit canât be. It just can not.
And yet.
âAlpha.â
Itâs a miracle.
The fire ghoul starts running toward him, having Delta fully convinced this isnât real. He scrambles up from the ground, tripping over his own legs, and instead of diving into the lake, he throws himself right at Alpha, falling into his arms with so much force they both end up back in the sand. Their lips crash, fangs clanking against each other, as they share a kiss to make up for all those they couldnât since they were separated.
It is real.
The tears streaming down both their cheeks mix as they breathe each other in. Neither is loosening their arms, the hold they have on the otherânever again will they let go. For both of them, it feels like a dream that can come to an abrupt end at any moment, and yet it doesnât; it lasts, the time flows and they remain in each otherâs embrace.
After a long while, when they feel secure enough in this truth, they part, but only for breath.
âHowâhow did you find me?â Delta asks panting, as he stares without blinking into the amber eyes he has missed to the point of agony.
âI didnât,â Alpha replies with a smile, looking just as deeply into his mateâs cobalt blue ones, âyou just got here, showed up out of nowhere.â
âI died,â the water ghoul says, and a choked-off sob rips its way out of him as the reality fully sinks in. âNot after that ritual, now. Alpha, I just diedâŚâ
âItâs okay, youâre okay,â he whispers into Deltaâs ear as he bursts into tears again. âIâve got you now, love.â
He knows that, and he truly couldnât be happier about it, but the joy inevitably crashes with the despair of having just died. After all these years of pain and longing and uncertainty of what awaits him, the end finally came, but it turns out not to be the end. Itâs another beginningâso much more than Delta dared hope for even in the deepest parts of his mind.
Itâs too many emotions and the water ghoul simply canât get a hold of them; or himself.
Thankfully, Alpha, though not faring that much better, is there this timeâagain. No more cold, lonely nights. No more crying himself to sleep with no one to wipe the tears away. No more writhing in pain and relying on hallucinations for comfort.
No more sorrow.
âDonât cry, little fishy. Câmon, baby, this is amazing. Please donât cry.â
But Delta doesnâtâcanâtâstop sobbing while clinging with all his might to Alpha, whoâs trying to calm him down. Not having a better idea, the fire ghoul talks as he holds the other. âHey, fishy, listen to me. You told me about this place, baby, remember? When I got sent back, I went to look for itâfor youâhoping youâd have stayed here. I didnât think Iâd ever find it; it took me a while. You werenât here, but I stayed anyway, hoping Iâd get to see you again sometime. And here you are, love. Here you are, and now he can finally make this place our home, have the life weâve always wanted. Together.â
âI love you,â Delta finally cries out. Itâs the only thing he can utter through his tears.
Alpha laughs through his; in disbelief and happiness beyond measure, âI love you, too, baby.â
He tightens his arms around the water ghoul, who nuzzles impossibly closer to the warmth heâs missed so, so much.
Heâs safe now.
Lucifer has called Delta back home, making up for the time He failed to protect him. For the hardships he was forced to endure, he has been rewarded.
Per aspera ad inferi.
Let the tides carry you back to me
The past, the future
Through death
My arms are open
a bunch of prequelle and meliora masks are for sale in my shop right now. it's a perfect time to order safely if you were thinking of getting one for christmas! I'm not gonna lie, the business is beginning to flop without US customers (I'm still trying to find a way to resume shipping there), and as a disabled student with no way to work a normal job, I rely on the masks a lot. even if you don't want to and/or can't buy one, I would appreciate sharing this post, my insta, or my website itself. however and wherever. I posted about it on twitter, too. thank you <3
5.6k words ⢠Grief, Funeral Preparations, Heavy Angst, Mental Breakdown, Pack Dynamics, Funeral, Quintessence Use (as a sedative), Emotional Damage, Hurt/No Comfort
The gut-wrenching end.
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read chapter 13 below, or on AO3.
January 5th, 2020
Rain has only ever seen Sister Imperator in passingâsurrounded by a small pack of ghouls all the size of Mountain. The rumors heâs heard about the woman in charge of the Clergy were unpleasant at best, while the facts make his insider turn with rage.
And yet he feels neither fear nor anger when he steps into her office.
Properly dressed in his uniform and chrome mask, he stands tall, hands folded behind his back, not paying attention to Sisterâs bodyguards. He is surprisingly respectful when he speaks, âI would like to request a funeral for a ghoul.â
âIs that so? Which one died?â Sister Imperator asks, raising an eyebrowâjust âwhich one?â; not even âwho?â or âhow?â.
âYou wouldnât know him, Sister.â
âWhy wouldnât I? I have files on all of you, Rain.â
âOf course, I apologize.â He grits his teethâhe wants something from her and, no matter how much it hurts his pride, heâs going to get it. Itâs the least he can do for Delta. âThe ghoul in question spent the last three years hiding in the catacombs and passed yesterday. He used to play bass in the band.â
The shock on Sister Imperatorâs face is visible only for a split second, but Rain still takes notice of it. The woman furrows her brows, then relaxes back into a neutral expression and straightens up in her chair.
Had Rain not had so much hatred for her inside him, he would have wondered if sheâs really as cold as she seems, or if sheâs only a woman trying to survive at the top.
âI must admit, I had no idea Delta survived the experiment,â the water ghoul clenches his fists at how that name falls from her lips so casually, as if itâs not her that broke him the way she did. The one that killed him, âlet alone that he lived in secret for so long.â
She pauses, then, to stare at Rain, into his eyes. He doesnât move an inch and holds her gaze, but with no challenge in it. She must know he doesnât actually respect herâthat he only cares about getting what he came here forâbut for some reason, she doesnât mind it.
âVery well.â Imperator looks away after a few moments. âI admire your bravery and honesty, so I will grant your wish. Write down what you want, and I will see it done.â
Rain takes a step forward to take the piece of paper on a clipboard and a pen the woman is offering, once again ignoring her personal ghouls, who also come closer.
If he wanted to, he could slash through her throat with his claws in a split second; the bodyguards couldnât stop him from doing that. Would they kill him in the next second? Yes, of course, but at least Sister Imperator would be dead, too. Alas, that would also violate his promise to Delta.
âThank you, Sister,â Rain says instead, pulling back again.
He uncaps the pen and starts writingâhe doesnât have to think about it much, because thereâs not much he wants: a casket, a place to bury it, a fresh uniform. A headstone he will procure on his own.
When heâs done, the water ghoul passes the clipboard back to the woman and watches her assess it. âSimple enough. I will get everything delivered to your wing by the end of the day, including a map with a marked spot for him.â
Rain nods, mumbles one more forced âthank youâ under his breath, and turns to the door. Heâs already crossing the threshold when Imperator calls his name again, âRain?â
âYes, Sister?â He looks over his shoulder, praying silently for both his and the entire Abbeyâs sake that she does not add insult to the injury.
Sheâs holding something out in her hand. The water ghoul walks back over to her and plucks it from her palm; a simple silver ring.
âIâm sorry for your loss,â she says. Rain isnât sure if it is or is not an insult, but he narrows his eyes and looks into her own and seesâŚregret. If he were not all but mad with grief, maybe he would consider that she is not, in fact, an evil old bitch.
And then he realizes the ring is the one Delta used to wear on his left horn, the one that he lost after the experiment.
âSo am I,â the water ghoul sighs before shoving the ring into his pocket, turning around, and shutting the door behind him.
Divinity says, âDestiny canât be earned or returnedâ
I feel when I question, my skin starts to burn
Why does my skin start to burn?
January 6th, 2020
Rain is terrified to look at Deltaâs lifeless body, let alone touch itâtouch himâand feel nothing but freezing cold.
How is he supposed to take care of the ghoul for the last time and not have him smile at Rain crookedly? How is he supposed toâŚdo anything with him just being gone?
How can he just be gone?
Rain knew it would happen. He tried to prepare himself, but when it finally did happen, the pit of anguish he got thrown into is swallowing him up, and it feels as if he has no chance of ever climbing out of it.
Itâs unimaginable, really.
But Rain has to go to Delta and get him ready for his own funeral because nobody else wouldâbecause there is nobody else.
Delta deserved so much better.
When Rain found him two days ago, he stayed with him for so long that his pack began worrying. Then it was Swiss who came to check the practice room and saw Rain there, sitting by Deltaâs body and clutching his hand.
He alerted the rest, and Mountain and Aether came to get them. It was hard getting Rain to just let go of Delta, but once his fingers were pried open, Swiss took him back to the Den, while the other two carried the body to the morgue.
Now, with a clean uniform folded in his hands, a small silver ring placed atop it, and a guitar case slung across his back, Rain is standing by that metal door. He does not know how long he lingers there, but his knees are aching by the time he brings himself to open the door.
He tried to empty his mind, empty himself of all feelings just so that he could survive this, and he thought he did well enough, but as he steps into the cold room and sees Delta laid out there, on a table in the centerâŚsomething inside Rain irrevocably breaks.
But there are no tears running down his face as he shuts the door behind himself and approaches the table. At least for now, Rain is but a void, indeed.
He tries not to look at Deltaâs face as he gets to work.
Lacking a better idea, Rain cuts the old cassock to take it off. He wouldnât keep it anywayâwouldâve burned it, most likely. The scissors rip through the fabric with ease until the midsection, where they snag on something. Something in the pocket, the ghoul realizes.
Rain looks at the wall across from him when he reaches into that pocket and pulls out aâŚnapkin? No, a folded piece of paper withâwith Rainâs name on it, written in pretty handwriting and underlined with a swirl.
A letter.
His hand shakes as he shoves the letter into his own pocket and picks the scissors back up. When the old cassock is nothing more than shreds of bleak fabric, Rain lays the new uniform out in the open casket thatâs waiting by the wall.
Clenching his jaw so hard his entire skull feels as if itâs about to explode, the water ghoul picks Deltaâs body up and carries itâhim over to the casket and lays him in it.
Working the buttons with how little control he has over his trembling hands is a challenge, and with every one he does manage to fasten, his resolve breaks that much moreâand so does the wall thatâs keeping the cyclone of thoughts at bay.
Rain canât shake the fact that Delta died alone.
He died alone.
After all this time heâs been alone and forgotten by the world, he got Rain, and then when it mattered the most he died alone. It wouldâve broken Rain impossibly more if he were to hold Delta as life faded from his eyes, but he still wanted to be there for him.
It was the least he could have done; Delta deserved so much better. And yet.
Rain canât imagine how he mustâve felt during those ultimate moments when he realized thatâthat it was the end.
And in that end he was alone.
Rain tries to console himself with the thought that at the very least the last conversation they had and the last word they spoke to each other wereâŚwell, as good as last words can be, he supposes.
AlthoughâŚ
âIâll see you laterâ, Rain had said. He promised, and then he was late. Maybe if he werenât, maybe those fourteen minutes would have been enough for Delta not to have to die alone; maybe it would have been enough for a goodbye.
The empty space that Rain was just moments ago, that was slowly filled up with grief again, now turns into pure rage. With his breathing picking up until heâs dizzy, he grabs the first thing by his side and hurls it across the room. The glass bottle of unknown contents shatters into a million piecesâjust the way Rainâs own heart did.
He storms away from the casket and paces around the table in the center of the room. The pain is nothing like heâs ever felt; itâs ripping through him and taking over every cell of his body. He can barely breathe, barely think, and if thatâsâŚ
Itâs still probably nothing compared to Deltaâs flare-ups.
Rain catches a glimpse of silver on the white sheet covering the table. The ring.
Delta never mentioned whether it meant something in particular, but Rain has spent hours staring at that old picture of him, Alpha, and Omega. Alpha wore a matching one, though in gold, so even if it was just jewelry, Delta deserves to have gotten it back.
Rain picks it up and returns to Deltaâs side. He used to wear it on the horn that heâs lost, so the water ghoul slides it down the other one.
It fits perfectly, and once again it makes Rain wonder whether Delta was ever truly his. Doubtfullyâhe was just a fling while Alpha was Deltaâs mate.
Delta always has been and always will belong with Alpha.
Rain clears his throat and moves on to another thing he intends to bury Delta with. The bass he used to play on stage before Mist and Dewdropâa black and white Fender American Performer Precision. Rainâs way to help Delta give one last middle finger to the Clergy.
He lays its body over Deltaâs legs and its head on his middle, to then fold the ghoulâs hands over it; as if he were a warrior and the instrument were his sword. In a way, it was.
Then, the water ghoul gives him one last thing: the original polaroid picture plucked off of the Denâs common roomâs wall. A picture of a time when Delta was truly alive and happy.
And then heâs ready.
Rainâs eyes finally water when he places his hands on the top of the casket, about to close it. This is the last time he will ever get to look at Delta.
So, no matter how painful it is, Rain lifts his gaze and lands it on Deltaâs face.
Despite everything, despite being dead, he looks relaxed. His expression is a tranquil one, thereâs no crease between his brows, no frown curling his lips.
Heâs been in pain for so long, maybe nowâŚat least thatâs ended. He looks more peaceful in death than Rain has ever seen him in life, even when he was asleep in his arms.
At least he is in pain no more.
Rain shuts the casket with his eyes closed; he canât watch the darkness swallow Delta like this. The sound the hard wood makes reverberates through the water ghoulâs bones and makes him shiver. He turns and only opens his eyes with his back to the casket.
And then he walks away.
On legs that feel like theyâre made of lead, Rain returns to the Den. He wants to go straight to his room and sleep forever in the hopes that the realm of dreams would be gentler to him. Alas, he doubts it would, and he has toâŚupdate his pack. So he goes to the common room instead and finds most of them present.
They try to act normal when they notice him approaching, but itâs clear his pain makes all of them ache, too.
âI, uhâŚI would like to bury him at twelve tomorrow, if youââ Rain starts from the doorway, but his voice cracks and his words fade into silence. Still, the others nod.
âWeâll be there,â Dewdrop says, and thatâs all that Rain needs to know.
After two years, he finally told his pack about Deltaâs existence, their relationship and his demise. Not only did he want to, in order to find comfort in them, but also because it was impossible to keep him a secret considering what happened. He explained just the basics for now, if only because thinking, let alone talking, about Delta feels like someone is cracking Rainâs chest open and ripping his heart out with their claws.
But now his pack knows why heâs been acting so secretive basically since he was summoned and why now heâs soâŚsuch a mess. They donât need to know the details to support himâattempt to hold him in one piece with all the strength they possess.
Truth be told, Rain doesnât know what he would do without them at this time. He cannot express his gratitude properly right now, but heâll be sure to do so when heâsâŚsomewhat back to normal. If thatâs even going to happen.
Rain replies with a nod of his own and turns to leave, but Cumulus calls after him.
âYou should eat something,â she encourages gently, but the water ghoul only shakes his head. He really doesnât remember when he last ate; itâs been days, but he doesnât feel hunger. Not for food, anyway.
They neither argue with nor stop him as he walks away and into his room.
There, Rain cries himself to sleep for the third night.
Cold sheets
Oh, whereâs my love?
I am searching high
Iâm searching low in the night
January 7th, 2020
Early in the morning, having barely slept anyway, Rain goes outside with the map from Sister Imperator and a shovel. The ground is frozen and covered with snow, so digging a hole will be arduousâif not impossible.
But he needs it. He needs to be the one to do it, and he doesnât care if itâs hard; Deltaâs life was harder.
In a state of terrifying emptiness, Rain finds the spot and without further ado starts his work. With the sharp tip of the shovel, he first marks out a rectangle. He hopes it will be big enough.
But just dragging the tool over the ground and cutting through the snow is enough to make Rain realize the ground is all but a block of ice. His ghoulish strength will break the shovel long before it moves an inch. His best chance is to channel the control he has over water, and attempt to turn the ice into liquid.
He kneels in the snow, buries his bare hands into itâignoring its sharp biteâand closes his eyes, trying to focus. He tries really hard, but no matter what he brings up in his mind to access his power, the only thing there for him is Delta.
Rain canât do it.
With a half-growl, half-scream, he stands up and grabs the shovel again. Now blinded with rage at the entire world, he brings the tool down against the ground again and again and again, managing absolutely nothing of consequence.
In his frenzy, he doesnât notice an earth ghoul approaching him. Mountain went out early to check on his greenhouses but got pulled away from them when, a few minutes later, he saw Rain walking outside, too. Worried, he couldnât simply ignore that, so heâs been watching him, but now that the water ghoul seems to have finally lost it, Mountain feels he must intervene.
âRain,â he begins, but the ghoul in question doesnât react in the slightest. Mountain steps in closer and puts his hand on Rainâs shoulderâit makes him stop dead in his tracks.
Silently, he turns around to look Mountain up and down before shrugging his hand off and restarting his abuse of the shovel.
âRain, I donât think thatâs going to work,â the earth ghoul tries again. He has no way of knowing what Rain is feeling right now; his best guess must be enough. âI know you need this, but please, can I help? Trust me, I can help.â
Somehow, it makes Rain snap out of it a bit. He breathes in the sharp winter air and slowly considers the offer, forcing himself to think logically for a moment. At this pace, Delta will never be buried, and even though Mountain is rightâthe water ghoul needs to do it himselfâhe wants to give Delta a proper burial, and thisâŚthis is not it.
Finally, Rain nods.
Mountain steps closer to him and carefully takes the bent shovel from Rainâs hand, intertwining their fingers instead. His free hand, the earth ghoul extends toward the marked area. Rain can only assume what heâs doing until the ground rumbles and all the dirt inside the rectangle made by the water ghoul loosens up.
âNow we can dig,â Mountain says and gives Rain his shovel back. He waits a moment to assess the water ghoulâs face at his use of âweâ and the fact that Mountain brought a shovel for himself. He seems not to mind now, so the two of them get to work with the ground easy to break up.
Neither of them says a word, though Mountain watches Rain carefully. They dig for a long time, and over that time his face is a slideshow of all the emotions in existenceâit breaks Mountainâs heart to see and have no power to help.
Heâs so afraid that this is breaking Rain even more than itâs visible; that the damage will not be reversible.
Finally, with the grave dug, Rain and Mountain make their way back to the Abbey. The latter insists they take some time to rest, but the water ghoul refuses and goes straight to the morgue to get Delta. Clearly having no chance of convincing Rain to do anything, Mountain ends up following.
Itâs all a blur for Rain as he and the earth ghoul take Deltaâs casket out of the morgue, then the Abbey, and carry it to a nearby gazebo. Itâs empty for the winter, save for a table in the middle that Mountain brought in earlier. This is where Deltaâs going to wait.
âAre you going toââ Mountain starts, but Rain doesnât even let him finish the question. It doesnât matter.
âIâm staying with him,â he mumbles, standing over the casket. âYou can get the others and come back; itâs nearly time, anyway.â
With every word spoken, the water ghoul falls apart more and more. Itâs nearly time, anywayâitâs nearly time to put Delta into the ground and say goodbye to him forever. Heâs been dead for days, but this is what truly makes Rain see the finality of it.
Heâs terrified of what it means for him. All of it.
If he could, heâd never bury Delta, just so he wouldnât have to really say that last goodbye. But heâs not that mentally unstableânot yet, at leastâso he set this pathetic excuse for a funeral up.
The ceremony he planned cannot even be called a ceremony. No special words will be spoken, no rites will be performedâas they should be. Just Rain and a few people; most of whom will be his pack, to support him.
Thereâs nobody beside him who is going to be there for Delta. Not really.
Rain invited Omega, despite having been told about what Delta perceived as Omegaâs betrayal and the falling out it caused between them, and despite agreeing that the quintessence ghoul was in the wrongâeven with how objective Deltaâs storytelling was. Not for him, because as far as Rain is concerned, Omega doesnât deserve to be associated with Deltaâor Alphaâanymore.
He invited him because somebody needs to carry Deltaâs casket, and Rain wanted it to be ghouls that Delta at least met, and out of those still Topside thatâs an entirety of three: him, Omega, and Mountain. Four would be a better number for the task, but alas.
A truly sad attempt that makes Rain hate himself impossibly more. He canât give Delta even that.
Heâs shivering by the time his pack joins him in the gazebo, and heâs tiredâheâs so tired that he doesnât refuse Swissâ offer to warm him up a little with what sliver of control over fire he has.
Moments later, Rain hears footsteps crunching in the snow and knows itâs Omega. Who else? He turns around, but thereâs a shorter man walking by the quintessence ghoulâs side, holding his hand, and heâs human andâ
It takes a moment for the dots in Rainâs brain to connect. He forgot that man even existed, yet alone that he was still alive and living at the Abbey; heâs never even seen him in person.
His very much unexpected appearance fills Rain with mixed emotions; Delta will have his four, but as for the water ghoulâŚrage grows within him yet again, and heâs all but burning with it by the time the pair makes their way over to the gazebo.
âYou must be Rain,â Papa Emeritus the Third greets him.
âYou,â the water ghoul growls from deep within himâferal, in a way he hasnât done since he left the Pitâand shoves a finger at Terzoâs chest, making him stumble back a step into Omega. Heâs furious. âYou let them mutilate him, and you didnât even care what happened to him later!â
âRain,â Mountain suddenly appears right behind him and gently places a hand on his arm, cautioning himâand readying himself to hold him back if need be. The rest of the pack donât dare to move a muscle with them on one side, and a Papa with a quintessence ghoul much older, much stronger, and much more powerful than all of them on the other.
Aether, Dewdrop, and Mountain in particular are on the very edge, unable to simply put away the memories of their time with Terzo. Theyâd hate it, but if it came to a clash of claws and fangs, none of them would hesitate to defend Rain.
Mountainâs warning only spurs Rain on more, though, and he turns to him sharply. âAnd you? You knew he was still around and you knew everything that happened and you didnât tell me? Even after I told you all about Delta?â
âI told you years ago, none of it was mine to tellââ the earth ghoul tries explaining, but gets cut off.
âOh, shut it already with your nobility,â Rain scoffs, shrugging his hand off.
âPlease, let me speak,â Terzo chimes in; brave.
âFine. Fine, speak. Iâm listening.â The water ghoul stands back with his arms crossed over his chest and his brow raised. âIâm curious how you want to excuse allowing him to be mutilated and then abandoning him. Did you not wonder where his fucking body went after he supposedly died in twenty-sixteen?â
âI did wonder, and I was lied to about the whole thing,â the man starts. âAt first by the higher Clergy, and when I found out what they were going to do, just hours before it went down, they injected me with something that knocked me unconscious and locked me up so I wouldnât interrupt when I woke up. Later, I was lied to by Omega.â
Rain laughs loudlyâitâs tense and Mountain, still standing right behind him, knows that itâs a warning right before the water ghoul breaks down, âWell, thatâs just great, thanks for reminding me why I didnât want him here!â
âDelta made me promise,â Omega argues, though with no confidence. His eyes remain glued to the ground at his feet. âHe cared deeply for Papa, and he didnât want him to see him likeâŚthe way he came out. I broke that promise only when you told me he was dead.â
âI donât blame Omega,â Terzo carries on, addressing Rain again, âI was angry, still am, but I understand his promise and Deltaâs wishes. I have been angry and sad, and everything in between, for years about what happened, and I justâŚit should never have happened, and yes, I do blame myself. I always will.â
âFine. Youâre excused,â Rain glares at Terzo, then briefly looks over and points at Omega. âYouâre not, but Iâm willing to ignore it for today.â
âI like your spirit, Rain,â Papa sighs, and the corners of his lips lift slightly in a tiny smile. âItâs clear you loved him fiercely.â
âLove,â Rain corrects him sharply; his voice breaking as the anger fades away and gives way to sadness again. âI still love him. It doesnât just vanish.â
The other nods in acknowledgement, and silence falls as the tension lessens. Now, everyoneâs eyes are on Rain, watching as tears pool in his eyes and his breathing picks up. Nobody knows what to do.
Finally, he looks up from Deltaâs casket and at Omega. âWhy didnât youâwas there no way toâŚto save him?â
âNo,â he sighs. âIâm sorry.â
âNothing you couldâve done with quintessence? No human medicine? Truly nothing?â Rain begs quietly, sounding so frail. He doesnât know why; thereâs no correct answer to these questions, nothing that will make any of this any better.
âHe became completely immune to quintessence,â Omega explains. âI tried in many different ways. I tried to mend him, to restore whatâs been destroyed, or at least to help the wounds heal and ease the pain. Nothing worked. The same goes for human medicine. Iâm really sorry.â
Rain nods, his eyes wide with grief and bloodshot. He clears his throat, as if choking the tears down and pretending they were never there would make all the rest disappear, too.
It does not, and then the Abbeyâs bell tolls for noon.
âYou should, uhââ the water ghoul mumbles to Terzo and Omega, âtake a moment if you want.â
The pack, including Mountainâbecause while he knew Delta, yes, it was only briefly, so he doesnât feel like itâs his place to say goodbye like thisâwalk away to give the rest some space.
Omega goes first, and another deep growl escapes Rain when the quintessence ghoul puts a hand over the glossy wood behind which Delta lays.
âIâm sorry,â he mutters. âYou were always right, I shouldâve fought. I failed you both. I hope youâre together again.â
Rain sincerely hopes what Omegaâs saying is true, and that the guilt will haunt him for the rest of his immortal lifeâa life which was stolen from Delta. That, and the water ghoul shares the hope, however foolish, that Delta and Alpha are together in Hell now.
Terzo is next to stand over the casket. âI am so sorry, tesoro. If I had only known.â
Rain fights the urge to laugh at thatâPapa had no actual power over the Clergy and his story only proved that. There was nothing he could have ever done to protect Delta, not really, so his proclamation is but a pointless attempt at making himself feel better.
But then Terzo and Omega walk away, too, and Rain is once again left alone with the casketâwith Deltaâin the gazebo.
It does not feel real, but it is, and all he can do is accept it, no matter how impossible it feels right now. A single tear falls from Rainâs cheek and splatters over the lacquered wood as he allows himself this last moment before he goes to bury the man he grew to love.
âI love you,â he whispers, leaning down so that his lips touch the casket. He finds himself empty again.
Rain straightens with a tap of his fingers on the wood and thenâ
He freezes. The quick, random succession he just absentmindedly tapped reminds the water ghoul of the one Delta always used to fidget with. It was always only this one rhythm; it went likeâŚ
Tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap.
Rain repeats it a few times, his head spinning more and more with each one.
I. L-o-v-e. Y-o-u.
All this time he never heard Delta say it back, or at all. He doubted himself so much, he thoughtâ
Delta has been saying it all along.
Rainâs knees buckle under him, and he folds over the casket as he breaks out into sobs. A moment later heâs crying so hard heâs hyperventilating, choking on tears clogging up his throat and not knowing whatâs going on in the world around him anymore.
Dewdrop and Swiss come up to him and grab his arms to hold him up and gently pull him away from the casket. The two of them have a silent conversation over Rain and end up agreeing to wave Aether over. He was unwilling to use his quintessence to calm the water ghoul earlier, especially without his consent, but now he sees thereâs no other way for him toâŚto survive this.
So Aether places a hand on Rainâs back and trickles some of his power into him. Just a bitânot to take away any of his pain, but to lessen its devastating effects. He steps back, letting Swiss and Dewdrop keep holding him, until the quintessence takes root and Rain can breathe again.
Soon, he does, and if he realizes heâs been somewhat drugged with magic, he doesnât show it. Without a word, the water ghoul straightens up to grab the casket. Mountain, Omega, and Papa follow suit.
With the quintessence having taken away just the very edge, Rain keeps silently crying and shaking over his entire body as they carry Delta out and lower the casket into the ground.
This is the moment. This isâŚit.
Unable to stand the sight of the shiny wood in the cold ground, Rain immediately turns on his heel to grab one of the shovels he and Mountain left around. Holding it with a white-knuckled grip and sobbing with each move he makes, Rain drops more and more dirt over Deltaâs casket.
Everybody wants to help him, but nobody knows how. Nobody knows how to take even an ounce of this weight off of Rainâs shoulders.
But they are a family, so they shall try.
Mountain goes firstâgrabbing his own shovel and joining Rain in filling the grave. Then, even though they have no tools, everyone steps up and throws at least one fistful of dirt. Even if their participation is nothing but a symbol, it lifts Rain up.
Heâs not alone in this, and will never be alone.
At last, the pile of dirt off to the side is gone, and the grave is finished; merely a gentle lump rising from the ground.
An unmarked graveâthough only for now. Rain will sell every single earthly possession of his if he must, but he will get Delta a headstone. A proper one.
But for nowâŚ
âGoodbye, Delta.â
Rain doesnât remember returning inside. He doesnât know how he ended up on a couch in the common room, wrapped in a soft blanket.
Having originally been watching the Delta, Alpha, and Omegaâs picture on the wall, but ending up with his vision blurred, Rain stares into the distance. Heâs clutching Deltaâs letter, which he still canât bring himself to read, in one of his hands. Not yet; his grief is too fresh. In the other hand is Deltaâs cane.
âHey, tadpole,â Swiss snaps Rain out of his contemplation. âHow are you holding up?â
âBeen better,â he sighs, and the other nods in understanding. Swiss sits next to him on the couch, close enough to make their legs touch, and places a warm hand on his thigh. Rain takes it as an invitation and leans into him; the multi ghoul wraps his arms around him and holds him close to his chest.
âDo youâŚwant to tell me about him? Might help a little.â
Rain considers it. Yes, talking about him will be painful, at least at first, but heâs been hidden from the world for years, and nowâŚhe deserves to be talked about. The water ghoul makes up his mind and nods.
âHis name was Delta.â
I donât know what Iâm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Take me back to the night we met
3.4k words ⢠Alcohol, Implied Sexual Content, Tipsy Sex, Fear Of Death, Comfort, Cuddling, Death
Rain and Delta enjoy each other, as every second is precious. And yet, he is late.
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read chapter 12 below, or on AO3.
December 31st, 2019
Second year in a row, Rain insisted on spending New Yearâs Eve with Delta instead of his packâthe older ghoul gave up arguing. He even agreed to get holed up in Rainâs room with drinks and snacks and watch movies.
So that is exactly what theyâve been doing for the past few hours, cuddled up together in the water ghoulâs cloud of a nest, wrapped up in soft blankets and each other. Thereâs nothing in either of their minds except for the boring plot of the boring movie and the joy of being able to spend time like this together, and itâs glorious.
At one point, when an even more boring part comes in the movie theyâre currently on, Rain wiggles out of the nest.
âBe right back, Iâm gonna get drinks,â he says, only pulling away after leaving a kiss on Deltaâs forehead. âYou want one?â
âIâll pass,â the other refuses politely. Heâs always been a lightweight, but itâs gotten much worse with his health decliningâheâs discovered that on one particular night, a few weeks before Rain was summoned, when he stole a bottle of whiskey.
It did not end well.
Rain nods and heads to his desk, where he prepared some ingredients earlier, and starts mixingâŚsomething. Delta canât see well because itâs on his left side, but a few moments later the water ghoul turns back to the bed again, carrying an orange-pink drink with two orange slices on the rim of the glass.
âTequila Sunrise,â Rain announces, giving a name to his concoction. When he comes close enough, Delta can see a clear, unmixed layer on the top, and he chuckles at the fact that Rain has clearly taken the tequila part of the drink to heart.
Careful not to spill any, he climbs back into bed and gets comfy with Delta again. Then, he takes a sip of his drink through a blue straw and moans dramatically, âDelicious.â
Delta laughs, shaking his head slightly. âNow that I think about it, you would make a splendid bartender.â
âOh, would I now?â Rain raises an eyebrow. âAnd would you enjoy sitting at a bar andâŚhm, sipping one drink for hours just to watch me bustle about?â
âIndeed,â the older ghoul rumbles, leaning in closer to the other as he decides to entertain him and carry on the fantasy heâs started, âand I wouldâŚprobably make you get me something from the highest shelvesâliterally, not metaphoricallyâjust so I could take a good look at you as you reach for it.â
âAnd IâŚâ Rain breaks off, taking a second to consider what comes next. In the meantime, Delta comes in even closer. âI would get you something on the house, hoping youâd notice that Iâm watching you, too, and maybeâŚIâd slip you a napkin with my number on it.â
The older ghoul hums in acknowledgement and then, when Rain thinks heâs going in for a kiss, Delta twists his neck and snaps his fangs at the orange slices at the rim of Rainâs glass, stealing them.
âHey!â he yelps, but itâs cut through with laughter. Delta only shrugs with the slices halfway out of his mouth; waiting. Rain fake-pouts and all but whines, âAt least give me one back, I wanted itâŚâ
Yet Delta remains still, onlyâthereâs a spark in his seeing eye that tells the other ghoul exactly what heâs expecting of him. Itâs Rainâs turn to shake his head before he leans in to reclaim one of the orange slices with his own teeth.
Delta forces himself to ignore the fire that this silly exchange has ignited in his core. Instead, he eats his orange as he watches Rain do the same.
âA menace you are,â the water ghoul giggles, taking a few more sips of his drink.
âAnd you,â Delta mutters, âare much tastier than this orange.â
Rain grins, and puts his glass away, onto his nightstand, before shutting his laptop with his other hand.
âThen come get a taste.â
Second year in a row, they get interrupted by all the Abbeyâs bells beginning to toll at once to loudly welcome the New Year in fireworksâ steadâthough this time midnight catches them in a much different predicament.
Rainâslightly tipsy on both alcohol and Deltaâlooks up at the older ghoul as if he hung the moon and the stars.
âHereâs to many more years,â he chuckles as if in a toast, even though he doesnât have his drink in hand. âI love you.â
With how carefree he is, with how his beautiful eyes glisten with laughter, with how thereâs no tension in his face but that of a smile, with how his body feels against Deltaâs ownâŚhe doesnât have the heart to tell Rain that heâs certain this is the last year they get to welcome together.
He pushes those thoughts away for later and kisses him deeply instead.
And I say, âHello Satan, I
I believe it is time to goâ
Me and the devil walkinâ side by side
January 1st, 2020
All that heâs pushed away the day prior comes back tenfold in the morning to slam into Delta as he wakes up. He has been feeling terrible these past few weeksâwell, heâs been feeling terrible for the past three years, but itâs something else now.
Thereâs this dread filling him, like a shadow looming over the ghoulâŚwith a clock. Itâs a new feeling, and Delta absolutely loathes it, because it forces into his mind the thought that heâs on a timer.
He fears deathâthe uncertainty of it fills him with the most terror. Death is not something the ghouls are particularly accustomed to, rarely dealing with it, so he simply doesnât know what will happen to him, what it will feel like, whatâŚanything and everything about it; he doesnât know, and that scares him.
But there is more.
Of course, he regrets having to leave Rain in such a manner, whether in a month or in a year.
A selfish part of him wishes that the water ghoul is there with him when it happens, that he holds his hand and eases his fear. Delta doesnât want to die alone, but he knows it would be too cruel to subject Rain to an experience like that.
He will go silently, in the night, and aloneâjust like he has been living these past years. If anything, Delta can recognize potential for symbolism.
But the worst thing that makes him all but shake with all kinds of emotions at once is that DeltaâŚhe will be forgotten. Itâs a fact, he knows it; if he got forgotten while he was still alive, there will surely be nothing left of him when he actually dies.
Rain is his only hope, reallyâas Omega doesnât count to him anymore. A few memories in Rainâs mind and those few pictures on the wall will be Deltaâs legacy.
And it breaks his heart.
Heâd like to be able to say to himself that he deserved better, that this is all incredibly unfair, but that ghoulâthe one full of life and strength and angerâwho would argue that he canât allow himself to simply perish, fade away, doesnât exist anymore. He got snuffed out by the Clergyâs heavy fingers and their divine ambitions.
All of it so grim and formidable enough to make Delta cry silently as he lies in Rainâs arms; the younger ghoul still asleep. Delta gets lost so deep in his pondering that he fails to stay aware of the passing time. He doesnât realize when the other wakes; only when he mumbles sleepily, âHmpfh, morning.â
Delta, suddenly feeling trapped, only hums in acknowledgment. For a moment he thinks heâs safeâthat Rain is so tired heâll fall back asleep and heâll have time to compose himself before properly facing the younger ghoulâbut then he moves against Deltaâs back, stretching and hooking his chin over the otherâs shoulder to look at his face.
WellâŚfuck.
âEverything okay?â he slurs, not noticing the tears at first, only the lack of response or movement even with Delta clearly being awake. But then he does take in his puffy eyes and wet cheeks. âOh no, hey, whatâs wrong?â
âItâs nothing, I promise,â Delta finally says, forcing his voice to be steady and his fake smile to reach his right eye.
âDelta, youâre crying,â Rain points out. His brows are furrowed both in worry and a bit of offense taken at Delta thinking heâll believe such a blatant lie. All that, and heâs barely awake still.
âI didnât even realize,â Delta lies again, coming up with it on the spot. He chuckles sadly. âIâm sorry, I just got lost in thought andâŚwell.â
âOkayâŚâ Rain sighs; not even remotely convinced, but willing to accept that the other has no desire to talk about whatever got him so upset. They already have a considerable number of serious conversations behind them, so he knows that Delta would indeed talk to him, were it something that needed to be talked about. âAnd youâre sure youâre alright?â
âI am, I promise,â Delta saysâliesâand it actually hurts him to throw the word âpromiseâ around so lightly. He had never done before.
He rolls over properly to be face-to-face with Rain. When he is, the water ghoul wipes his cheek of tears with his hand before leaning in to kiss away what wetness remains on his lips.
âI love you,â he whispers and, as always, does not hear the words back, but it does not upset him. No, the way Delta holds onto him as if heâs a lifeline, yet melts in his arms is enough.
Even if that is all he ever gets in reply, he will be satisfied.
They stay like that for a while longer until Rainâs stomach rumbles, making both of them chuckle. He untangles himself from the sheets and Deltaâs arms and hops off the bedâstill gloriously naked after their New Yearâs Eve celebration; he treats the older ghoul to a delightful view.
âIâll bring us something to eat,â the water ghoul says, putting on a robeâunfortunately for the otherâbefore heading toward the door. âDo not run away.â
âI shall not flee,â Delta swears, chuckling, with a bow-adjacent nod of his head.
âGood,â Rain winks, âbe right back.â
Hold me, so tight
You see me from the port
while time still seems like a stone
come close embrace my own dawn
stars fade out after all
January 3rd, 2020
Delta asked Rain for a day to himself after New Yearâs Eve and the morning that followed. The water ghoul, of course, told him he doesnât need permissionâonly that heâd appreciate a heads-up, purely so as not to worry.
So he was entirely content to give Delta his space, and even though he intended to, he did little in the meantime. He hadnât slept well at night again, for no reason known to him. He got the insomnia that plagued him when he was first summoned under control a long time ago, but there are still bouts of it happening once in a while; now seems to be that time again.
Rainâs as fine with it as one can be while so exhausted, but even despite that heâs still quiteâŚcheery. Everything has just been so good lately, and itâs his and Deltaâs anniversary tomorrow. And that is exciting and a perfectly good reason to be cheery.
Now itâs very early morning and while he should be asleep, he couldnât get there, so heâs reading a book at his desk by the window. He enjoys doing that while watching the sunrise, but this time of year, with how far up north in Sweden they are, heâd be lucky to see sunlight at all in the next few weeks.
Rain yawns as he turns over another page, and it causes him not to notice the sound of his door cracking open. With how tired he is, his brain doesnât tune in to the shuffling and footsteps right behind him untilâ
âYou should be asleep,â Delta whispers right into his ear, leaning over his shoulder.
âLucifer!â Rain jumps from his chair with a yelp, knocking the other ghoul back a step. He turns around to see him grinning and pants, âFucking Hell, Delta, you scared meâŚâ
âI was being obnoxiously loud once I saw you were awake to avoid exactly that,â Delta teases, closing the distance between them again when Rain closes his book and puts it away. âMy original plan was to slip into the nest with you and have you wake up to my kisses, but alas.â
Rainâs chest warms and tightens at his words. Yeah, heâd like that a lot.
Instead of saying that, the water ghoul loops his arms around Deltaâs middle and brings him closer to kiss that grin off of his face.
âWe could stillâŚget back into bed and I can pretend to be asleep?â
âOr I could justâŚâ Delta trails off into placing a kiss on one of Rainâs horns, then another, then his forehead, and then heâs fully peppering his face with them, making the water ghoul giggle.
Once he deems Rain breathless enough, he pauses. âThough I must admit, getting back into bed is not at all a bad idea.â
âGotcha.â Rain winks and stands from his chair, grabbing Deltaâs hand. âCâmon, then.â
The older ghoul follows, and after both of them get rid of the excess of clothing, they hop into Rainâs soft nest. Oh, it really is the most comfortable place on Earth.
As the two of them wrap themselves up in all the bedding and snuggle close to each other, they canât help but giggle like two lovesick teenagers. This is good, life is good, and who cares whenâno, neither of them is thinking about that now.
And so the hours pass just like that, with them holding onto each other, talking about everything and nothing, and only changing positions every hour or soâsave for when Rain goes to get snacks and lunch.
Itâs evening again when Delta says he has to leave for the night. Rain pouts, but heâs had him all day, so he supposes he can survive letting him go for a while now. BesidesâŚ
âIâll see you later,â Rain mutters with a wink as he leans in to kiss Deltaâs cheek.
âPromise?â he asks somewhat teasing, light-heartedly. He knows what the other means by âlaterâ.
The water ghoul does not hesitate. He turns his head to whisper the word against Deltaâs lips, âPromise.â
They both smile brightly and let go of each other. After one more kiss, they part and go their separate ways again. Rain has no idea what Deltaâs plans for the remaining hours of the day are, and neither does he have any specific ones for himself.
With it nearing eight, he goes to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich and grab something to drink as a standby for dinner. He opts for hot cocoa and comes back to his own room with it instead of lingering in the commons.
But when he does get back, the warmth of the cocoa is making his eyelids heavy, and his soft nest is all but calling out for him again. Heâs exhaustedâonly Deltaâs presence and the preciousness of every second with him kept Rain from falling asleep right there in his armsâa small nap wouldnât hurt.
And itâs so tempting now that he feels like heâd actually be able to fall asleep. It would actually be beneficial, Rain thinks, to get some rest before hisâŚwell, date with Delta at three a.m., lest he fall asleep then.
Yes, he finally makes his decision and jumps into his nestâsleep takes him in mere minutes.
Thereâs no end
There is no goodbye
Disappear with the night
No time
January 4th, 2020
Rain wakes up suddenly with a gasp. Heâs confused, it takes him a moment to register where he is, then he looks at his phone andâ
âOh, noâŚfuck!â
Eleven minutes past three in the morning. His alarm either didnât ringâdid he even set it?âor he snoozed it and now heâs late.
Rain jumps up from the bed and trips over his own legs when he storms out of the room, not caring about all the noise heâs causing. Delta is the only thing on his mind right now, and heâs already coming up with seven different apologies as he runs through the Abbey in the rehearsal roomâs direction.
He was supposed to be there at three a.m. sharpâthe exact same time the two of them met there a year ago, and a year before that, for the first timeâbut heâs foolishly given in to the urge of taking a nap, and now heâs here. Heâs not very late, only fourteen minutes by the time he gets to the practice roomâs door, but he feels horrible about it anyway; about making Delta wait.
Or worse, making him think he forgot, even though theyâd seen each other not that long ago and promised to meet again soonâthough neither of them actually specified when or where it would be, they both knew. This day and time has grown to mean a lot to them.
Rain opens the door and finds the lights on and by the opposite wall Delta isâ
Delta is lying on the ground, unmoving.
âDelta?â the water ghoul calls out, though quietly at first as ice only begins to cut through his veins. His legs get wobbly as he approaches the other, terrified as to just what he might discover.
Delta is not responding.
 âDelta, are you alright?â Rain tries again, still from a distance. It feels as if there is an invisible wall keeping him from coming closer, tugging at his heart and making his lungs feel void of air.
Delta is not moving.
âDeltaâŚ?â he says, barely above a whisper. He swallows hard, takes those remaining steps toward the ghoul, and kneels by his side. Rain puts a hand on Deltaâs shoulder and shakes him gently, moving him so that heâs lying on his back instead of his side.
Deltaâs face is still.
âCome on, please,â Rain mumblesâpleadsâas reality crumbles around him. He grabs both of the other ghoulâs shoulders now and shakes them more, hoping and praying more than he ever did in his long life for him to just wake up.
But Delta is not breathing.
âNo. No, no, no, Delta, wake up,â the water ghoul cries out, louder and louder. His vision is swimming and his chest feels painfully tight andâthis cannot be happening. âWake the fuck up! PleaseâŚâ
But Deltaâs heart is not beating.
âDonât do this, donât leave me. Please, donât leave me, not yetâŚâ Rain brings his trembling hands to his face to aggressively wipe at the tears that flow from his eyes, but it does nothing to stop them from coming. Heâs shaking all over, finding himself unable to breathe as Delta is just lying there and heâs not waking up and Rain canâtâ
Delta is dead.
Either minutes or years pass before Rain runs out of tears, most of them now soaked into Deltaâs cassock where heâs folded across his body. He canâtâRain canât think, he canât move, he canât breathe, he canât do anything.
Finally, he brings himself to straighten up; though his vessel feels heavier than ever. He looks down at Delta and smooths out a few tangles from his hair before cupping his left cheek with a wet palm and running his thumb over those thick, raised scars.
In the endless pit that Rainâs mind has turned into, only three words emerge.
âI love you.â
The water ghoul leans back against the wall, now turning to such emptiness that he is unable to truly feel the pain of the heartbreak. The agonizing silence that has accompanied Delta for so long now envelops Rain.
His hand shakes when he reaches out toward the otherâs scarred ownâlying limply by his cane, which has dropped to the floor just as he must have done.
Rain intertwines his fingers with these unmoving onesâstill warm, even though Delta has always run rather cold; always the water ghoul wayâand holds his hand for the last time.
Until sunrise, and long after.
Itâs so quiet here
And I feel so cold
This house no longer
Feels like home
5.3k words ⢠Bathing, Implied PTSD, Panic Attack, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Religious Themes (/neg, we hate god in this household), Suicidal Thoughts
Delta gives Rain a scareâor four.
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read chapter 11 below, or on AO3.
October 27th, 2019
Rain nearly has a heart attack when Delta doesnât come to welcome him back after returning to the Abbey.
He did that every single time a tour leg endedâwell, except for that one time he promised to give Rain space, but then it was him that found Delta and ran into his armsâand this one was not only one of the longest periods they havenât seen each other for, but also the first time that the two of them actually know what they are. The water ghoul is beginning to think the worst before bursting into the catacombs and finally finding the other there.
Relief washes over him and his lips curl into a smile, but it drops again once he properly takes in Deltaâs appearance. These six months have had no mercy on him; heâs so much thinner and paler and sicker than when Rain left, and the water ghoul feels nauseous with the realization of just how much of their time together heâs wasted.
âYouâre back,â Delta breathes as if in disbelief, sitting up in his pathetic excuse for a nest. Rain hopes he hasnât been here all this time; he promised to take advantage of the water ghoulâs room. âIâm sorry I didnât come to greet you, IâŚit appears I forgot. Itâs been storming lately.â
âDonât worry about it,â Rain replies with a slight crack in his voice, putting on a fake smile. He walks over to the older ghoul and sits by his side. âHow are you feeling?â
âOh, I am thriving,â he chuckles, waving a hand to vaguely gesture at himself. âI only look like death herself because Iâve been up partying all night.â
The joke and his tone succeed in making Rain let out a laugh, too, but it doesnât get rid of the dread thatâs filled him.
âIf I offered to take care of you now, would you let me?â he asks, getting straight to the pointâthrough his eyes it now seems there is really not a second to waste when it comes to Delta.
âI suppose, but you donât have toââ
âI want to, for both of us. Okay?â
âOkay,â Delta agrees with a nod and a small smile painted on his face. Heâs already feeling much better now that Rain is here. He may not be a fire ghoul, but he brings in warmth.
He replies with a much brighter grin, and half an hour later the two of them are submerged up to their necks in hot water in Rainâs enormous bathtub.
It didnât take Delta long to all but melt in it; after all, itâs been years since he took a bath, let alone such a nice one. Even getting the opportunity for a warm shower has been a challenge since the experiment.
Now heâs reclined with his back against Rainâs front, his head thrown back onto the water ghoulâs shoulder, and his eyes closed. Itâs so nice.
While Delta, for once, has his mind empty, Rain tries and fails to do the same to his own. Instead of focusing on the horrors that are creeping toward them, he finds a strange solace in the thought of the pastâparticularly Deltaâs scars.
Rain has touched them before, of course, but neverâŚexplicitly, just for them. Now he itches to run his hands along them, trail over them with his fingers; he simply has to. He starts with a gentle caress with his palm from the older ghoulâs wrists up to his elbow, then shoulder.
Seeing as it doesnât seem to make Delta uncomfortableâhe still looks quite relaxed and doesnât say anything or moveâthe water ghoul assumes itâs alright and continues, now tracing every ragged line with his pointer finger.
âThese are pretty, you know? Like roots or lightning,â Rain sighs after a whileâhe means it. âI know just the meaning behind them makes them suckâŚbut if not for all the baggage.â
âI do understand what you mean,â Delta replies, but his eyes remain closed, not eager to spare the scars even a single glance. âI used to love storms until Iâve essentially been thrown into the eye of one. Now they usually mean terrible pain, too, so I cannot find much beauty in the imagery anymore.â
âThatâs fair,â the water ghoul mumbles. The ability to enjoy the beauty of storms is yet another thing the Clergy has stolen from Delta, he realizes. âIâm sorry.â
Delta doesnât answer, save for a quiet hum of acknowledgement. They slip into silence againâRain still tracing Deltaâs scars as the other lies against him.
But now, Rain finally loses against the jumble in his head and after a moment finds himself compelled to share his thoughts with the other to release them. âDelta, listen, you really donât look good andââ
âYou knew I would only keep getting worse,â he interrupts himâsuddenly sharp, defensive, and with a tinge of fear, as if heâs expecting Rain to walk out on him right there and then. Maybe his mind hasnât been that empty for these past few minutes, after all.
âI did, I know, but itâs not that, Iââ the water ghoul senses the unexpected tension and his heart is already beating twice as fast as it was moments ago. âIâm not very good at thisâŚI feel like youâre holding something in and I know our relationship is far from normal, and that youâve been going through something much worse than Hell for this last couple years and that it really changed you and how youâŚoperate, but I want you to talk to me. Or at least know that you can talk to me. You canât go through this alone, and you donât have to. I love you, remember?â
âIâŚIâm sorry, Rain, I did not intend to make you feel inadequate in any way,â Delta sighs, âbut this is not about you. I apologize, but there are some things that I have to do alone.â
Rain knows Delta truly believes what heâs saying, and it makes him so incredibly sad. He doesnât even know how to respond, and heâs got a feeling that no matter what he would choose to utter, it wouldnât matter to the older ghoul.
âBesides, you leave again in what, two weeks? Three?â Delta carries on. âDo not dwell on me of all things.â
âI donât have to go,â Rain all but whines with tears pooling in his eyes. âI could ask the Cardinal to let me stay. The next leg is barely a tour; itâs only a few shows, and they have backing tracks. I could stay with you, take care of you and justâŚget more time.â
âNo, you love playing,â Delta shakes his head, not entertaining the idea for a single second. If he lets his mind wander, if he dares to imagine how it would be like having Rain all to himself all the timeâthat is when he will be truly doomed. âYou canât give that up, even if only for a few weeks. Not for me, you donât want it.â
âI only want you!â the water ghoul snaps, his tears finally spilling over and down his cheeks. He wipes them quickly as if it would make Delta forget they had even appeared in the first place. âI only need you.â
Delta frowns, his scars tightening, and for a moment he tries to find something to say, something that could make this any better, but he fails. Instead, he grabs Rainâs face and kisses him deeply.
âCan you promise me something?â he asks when they part, opting not to reply to the water ghoulâs deep-cutting words. He knew they would get to this pointâthis is exactly what Delta wanted to avoid by refusing himself the pleasure of being with Rain all this time.
âThat depends,â Rain grumbles, swinging between sadness, disappointment, anger, and simplyâŚoverwhelming amounts of love.
âWhen IâŚgo,â Delta clears his throat, âdonât even think about following, about giving up the life you have here. I need you to promise me you wonât.â
If the other were to ask if Rain had ever thought about it, he would be lying if he said no.
Not getting the reply he wantsâany, for that matterâDelta asks again, âRain, promise me. Please, I need to know youâre going to be alright.â
Alright. The water ghoul thinks about the word and into what context Deltaâs just put it. No, he will not be alright after he dies, not even close; thatâs what love is, and Rain loves him very much.
But thereâs more to love than that, he decides.
âI promise.â
And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away
November 15th, 2019
Delta has invited Rain to join him in the old bell tower in the morning. He didnât explain exactly why, just that he might enjoy it. It was more than enough motivation for the water ghoul.
Uncertain if Delta would have, let alone haul something up there, Rain brought blankets. One of them is more like a mat to sit on; and sat on it they didâat the edge of the tower to take in the view.
âIt really is nice here,â Rain sighs with his eyes on the horizon where the sun slowly rises.
âIndeed,â Delta agrees. âI used to come here as often as my body allowed to watch the day be born. And all the life with it.â
âI never really thought about it like that,â the water ghoul hums thoughtfully. âThatâs beautiful, to be able to watch over the world.â
âSo it is,â the other says with a small smile. He keeps watching Rain instead of said world below themâhaving gotten his fill of it, unlike the ghoul. After a few silent moments, he canât help but reach out to gently grab Rainâs face and turn it away from the world and toward himself. âForgive me for stealing the view.â
âI think I like this one better, actually,â Rain giggles, and it makes Delta blush. The water ghoul places his hand over the one on his face and leans in to brush his lips against Deltaâs in a teasing manner. He deems it far from enoughâhe moves his hand to the back of Rainâs head and deepens their kiss until their breaths are but one.
They only pull away when the wind changes direction and hits them, immediately causing Delta to shiver; though he tries to conceal it. Rain notices right away and skips the question of âare you cold?â, knowing the other wouldâfor whatever reasonâdeny. He pulls the second blanket he brought out of the bag and fumbles with it.
Delta picks up on what heâs doing and smiles crookedly, watching Rain get lost in the huge fluffy blanket. As he finally gets a hold of it and brings his arms up to pull it over the older ghoulâs back, a small static shock hits himâand by extension, Delta.
He flinchesâa natural reaction to something so sudden and sharp, so for the first few seconds Rain pays it no mind. But then he looks up, only to see Deltaâs eyes wide and terrified; suddenly thereâs nothing left of that composed man, all thatâs left isâŚa panic-stricken animal.
âDeltaâŚ?â Rain asks quietly, confused and growing more worried by the second as he watches the other ghoulâs eyes water and his frame shake. He seems frozen in horror, and Rain quickly concludes that he must be stuck in some faraway and dark corner of his mind.
The water ghoul has no idea what to do; heâs scared to touch Delta again, lest he make it worse, but he has to snap him out of it somehow, and he doesnât even know what madeâ
And then it hits him.
Delta has always described his pain as electric. He said that the attempted transition failed like electricity burning through him. His scars resemble lightning, his pain gets worse when there is a stormâŚ
That tiny static shock from the blanket took Delta back there.
He has even less idea of what to do now, with this realization. Guilt overwhelms him, but he doesnât let it freeze him in place as wellâhe must help the other, but the only thing he has right now isâŚwords.
âDelta, Iâm sorry,â he starts, unable to keep himself from saying it at least once. Then, from his own mind, he digs out things that are meant to ground, âYouâre okay, youâre here, in the old bell tower. And Iâm with you. Youâre not alone; youâre safe. Delta, can you hear me?â
Rain receives no reply but a barely noticeable twitch of Deltaâs left eyelidâas if his injured eye canât handle being open wide and exposed to air for so long.
The water ghoul swallows hard and carries on talking; just rambling about where they are, what they are doing, and most importantly reminding Delta of his presence by his side every two or three sentences.
Rain starts to lose hope that he will manage to bring the other back when he notices movement on his face once again. This time he blinks properly, both his eyes. The water ghoul could all but exclaim in excitement about that tiny victory, but not yet.
âThere we go, hi,â he breathes instead. âCome back to me, yeah? Iâm right here.â
Keeping his gaze on Deltaâs face, Rain doesnât notice the older ghoulâs hand moving where it lies on the mat between them. His fingers contract, and he reaches forward until they meet with Rainâs own.
He gasps, surprised, but turns his hand palm-up to take Delta in. Slowly and shakily, his fingers intertwine with Rainâs, and he squeezesâholding onto the water ghoulâs hand as if itâs a lifeline, as if heâll fall into the Abyss if he lets go.
Minutes pass, and despite the older ghoul still being far, far away, Rainâs hope is slowly crawling back to him as he watches Deltaâs eyes regain some focus.
Finally, with a sharp breath, Delta slumps over, as if whatever was holding him paralyzed had suddenly and unexpectedly freed him. His still panic-filled eyes scan his surroundings and end up locking on Rain.
âHi,â the water ghoul mumbles, almost shyly, and Delta all but throws himself forward into his arms right away. âOh, DeltaâŚâ
The older ghoul shakes silently against Rain as he holds him tightly, still muttering gentle, reassuring words. Delta clings onto him with all his mightâhowever little that means nowadays.
âIâve got you, youâre okay,â Rain whispers. âI love you.â
Nothing but shuddering breaths answer him; though he does not expect a reply. Not only because of Deltaâs current state but also becauseâŚwell, that particular phrase never echoes back to him.
Delta is always subtle in his avoidance of the words. So much so that itâs easy to miss, but Rain notices he never says it backâof course he notices. And most of the time he doesnât particularly mind, considering all the things the other does to show his love, but sometimes, when insecurity takes over, the water ghoul itches to ask him âwhy?â.
Maybe one day he will, but it certainly doesnât matter now.
Now, Delta is slowly coming back to himself. It makes Rain happy to feel the otherâs fingers dance on his back to the rhythm heâs learned to recognize.
Tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap.
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
December 20th, 2019
Lucifer only sends the most worthy to Earth, and He does so for a purpose. Delta had a purpose, but he failed in his task. Granted, heâs encountered obstacles that nearly killed him, but his failure still is, and always will be, only his.
He forgets about that part of his misery sometimes; overshadowed by his pain and loneliness. But when he remembers, the sliver of hope heâs normally holding ontoâthe one that heâll go back to the Pit when he dies here, Topsideâcompletely evaporates.
Why would Lucifer reward a failure?
Deltaâs always been spending at least half his time in his head, but nowadays itâs rare for him not to be there. There are so many things he has to make peace with, yet so little time, after all.
Heâs waiting for Rain, hanging around in the practice room. The bus drove onto the Abbeyâs grounds a few minutes ago, so he should come here in another few. As Delta walks around, unable to handle standing in one place or sitting because of the terrible tension in his left leg, he thinks. Obviously.
He walks by the rack of guitars, strumming each gently with a finger as he passes themâfor a reason unknown to him exposed this evening. Probably because the empty spaces between some are to be filled again with the instruments that are about to return.
Delta canât help but notice there is more missing than just the HagstrĂśms and Fenders that the band took with them. There're no Gibsons in sight anymore; havenât been for a while.
Alphaâs guitars are not thereâdiscarded, erased just like Alpha himself. No trace of him left anywhere, save for a few photos and Deltaâs heart.
Delta hangs his eye on the remaining white Fantomens and reminds himself how excited Alpha was about these guitars that he designed with Omega just for the two of them. He never got to actually play themâthe first shipment from the factory arrived merely a week after the fire ghoul was sent back.
If Delta had not been so weak at the time, fresh after the failed experiment, he thinks he would have burned all those gorgeous guitars. Snapped their strings, ripped out the hardware, and turned them to ash just the way Alpha was.
A breath catches in Deltaâs throat, and he tries to calm himself, not even realizing just how upset heâs made himself. When he doesâwhen his breathing is even again, when he can no longer hear the blood pounding in his ears, and when all the guitarsâ strings have quietedâthe surrounding silence becomes deafening.
Yes, itâs the silence thatâs the worst. Silence like this makes you realize just how insignificant your losses are in the grand scheme of things.
The world in itself is not silent, because nobody is meant to be so alone that silence may exist.
The cold is terrible too, especially for someone whoâs gotten so used to itâdependent on, even. Alpha has always been there for Delta, always by his side, keeping him warm both literally and figuratively.
The incessant cold means just as much as silence does: utter and complete loneliness.
It also means loss, particularly for Delta. Itâs harder to handle losing something than never knowing itâand you only realize how big a part of you something is when you lose it, when you start missing it.
Sometimes itâs like a black hole inside your chest, sucking in everything around it until thereâs nothing left. Other times itâs like fingers locked around your lungs and squeezing until you canât breathe, until your body goes numbâunable to function in the world without that lost past.
The thing is that thereâs no escaping it. Itâs always there, despite the actual lack.
Oh, and does Delta feel that lack.
âYour hair is a mess.â
Rain.
Delta doesnât have to force the smile that creeps onto his face as he turns around. âYes, well, without you here I didnât have anyone to look pretty for, now, did I?â
Rain smiles, but for him it is fakeâDeltaâs lack of self-care is the first thing heâs noticed. He knows exactly what it means, and it scares him. âAlright then, now that Iâm here, can I help you with it?â
âStraight to the elderly care, I see,â Delta chuckles, âbut I suppose, if you wish. Itâs good to see you, Rainy.â
Despite everything, the pet name makes the water ghoulâs smile more genuine. He crosses the room and greets the other properlyâwith a kiss. When he pulls away, Rain keeps his eyes locked on Deltaâs; one cobalt blue, one blind, milky violet.
The moment stretches for so long that the older ghoul begins to worry. âIs everything okay?â
âOh yes, sorry. Your eyes really are pretty,â Rain snaps out of it with a giggle. And that they are, but thatâs not why he was staring into them so intensely.
Consciously or not, Rain was trying to memorize every single detail, every speck of blue and silver and white and violet. He would never forgive himself if he forgot them after some time.
âWant to go to my room? Weâll wash that mane of yours, and then I can braid it. The ghoulettes started teaching me, and it turns out Iâm pretty good.â
âWell, you are a bassist with skill in those fingers of yours,â Delta says before wiggling his eyebrows a bit and adding, âMore than one kind of skill, if you know what I mean.â
âDelta!â Rain bursts out laughing. âIf I didnât know better, Iâd accuse you of spending too much time with Swiss.â
âIf that is his kind of humor, I might just start, actually.â
âNaughty demon,â the water ghoul giggles, shaking his headâwhich is finally, even if for a moment, clear of the anticipatory grief. Just as if Deltaâs sensed it and started joking around to achieve exactly that. âAlright, letâs go. Iâll put âthose fingers of mineâ to good useâŚin any way youâll want me to.â
âWhat are we waiting for, then?â Delta waves a hand in a hurrying gesture, only to pat Rain on the ass as soon as he walks in front of him. He shoots the other a playful glare over his shoulderâDelta pacifies him by joining their hands.
They leave the practice room like this and slowly head toward the Den. As they do, Rain's fingers cling all but desperately onto Deltaâs, while his own digits dance on top of the water ghoulâs hand.
Tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap.
Am I comfortable in silence?
Or is it eating me alive
Nothingâs ever really quiet
When you need distraction to survive
December 24th, 2019
God is real.
Delta knows itâall the ghouls know it. They are servants of Lucifer, demons bred in the Pits of Hell and occasionally summoned onto the Earth for various purposes. If Hell is real, and if Lucifer did fall, He had to fall from somewhere, and He certainly did not do so of His own choice.
Among ghouls, God and Heaven may be topics that humans would call taboo, but everyone knows that they're just as real as demons, Lucifer, and Hell are. The other side of the coin.
But is it?
God is a cruel bastard who does nothing but manipulate and deceive with the illusion of free will. He showers the Earth in evil, telling the humans how itâs all their fault, only to then graciously take it away again and demand worship for being so merciful.
The biggest sinner of all.
All is part of his plan. Every bad thing happening to every person on Earth is his doing. Heâs the Almighty, so if he didnât want people to hurt, they wouldnât. And if it truly were about free will, he wouldnât play with them like marionettes.
Despite the ghouls and other demons calling themselves the children of Luciferâand Him being proud to call Himself their FatherâGod is the one who created them all. Their purpose was to embody evil and terrorize humans into avoiding sin; lest they end up in Hell and become one of the beasts, even though it doesnât even work that way.
And yet, what began as Luciferâs prison, He turned into a home for the Damned whose only mistake was to have had their souls drawn from the wrong pile by Godâs wicked hand. Delta is sure that Hell is a much better place than Heaven; if only because free will actually does exist there.
While, yes, all is part of Godâs vicious plan and all evil comes from him, he discarded Hell the moment Lucifer fell and inhabited it. Now, He is the only divine influence there, and He actually loves His children and does not force evil deeds on them.
But over those Hellish creatures that are beyond the Pitâs borders, God still has influence. Lucifer does His best to protect His children on Earth, but He often gets bestedâDelta has no doubt that his torture is an example of such times.
He truly loathes God. With all his might.
A few kilometers from the Abbey there is a small town with a Catholic cathedral in the center. Delta likes to walk there, disregarding the knowledge of just how strenuous such a journey will be for him, and visit the temple.
He canât come in, of courseâhallowed ground and all thatâbut standing just in front of it with his head tilted backwards to stare up and take in the entirety of the massive structure. Built in Godâs name; what a waste of beauty.
Sometimes Delta remains silent. Sometimes he screams. Sometimes he cries.
He hasnât yet decided which one it will be tonight.
Heâs been walking for what feels like hours and hours before finally approaching his destination. For a moment he even thinks heâs been walking for so long that the morning caught up to him, but he has exaggerated.
Itâs only Christmas Eve, of course. Delta arrived just in time to watch people filter out of the cathedral after the Midnight Mass.
It hurts seeing the families, the children, the couples. Itâs not only the contrast of their warmth to his cold that hurts himâitâs also the fact that none of these people truly know who they are devoted to.
Delta wishes he could be so clueless sometimes. That he could forget all that he knows, all that heâs been through.
Three years.
Three years have passed since his mutilation.
Three years he has been in constant pain.
Three years he has spent without his mate.
The church bell tolls once, and the people all walk away; Delta is left alone.
He finally walks up to the front of the building and takes his usual spot before lifting his gaze. It doesnât take long for tears to pool in his eyes, and even less time for the ghoul to burst out crying.
It all hurts so much.
When he started coming to the cathedral soon after the failed experiment, he often screamed, âWhy?â. As time has gone by, his mindset while visiting this place has changed many times, but nowâŚ
Now itâs just pure anguish. Nothing else remains.
Delta nearly collapses with how hard heâs sobbingâand yet he doesnât look away from the cross high on the cathedralâs tower. What a joke.
Heâs made his peace with his fate, but he will never forgive or forget Godâs cruelty.
After a while, when Delta regains his breath, he straightens up, wipes the tears from his face and lifts his hand.
âFuck you,â he spits with his middle finger directed at the sky and turns to leave.
By the time the Abbey comes into his view again, Delta is truly exhausted, and even though he much desires to see Rainâto look into his gorgeous cerulean eyes and forget about everything elseâhe doesnât think he could face him tonight.
Heâd crumble, and itâs not the water ghoulâs responsibility to put him back together.
He limps inside the Abbey and starts heading down to the catacombs, but ends up making a detour to the practice room. After all, heâs made a ritual out of rotting here on this day every year since itâs gotten its meaning.
So Delta does just that. Heâs barely standing as he grabs a bass with a shaking arm and turns to walk over to the edge of the fake stageâas always.
But with the heavy instrument and his energy draining more and more with every second, the ghoul doesnât make it to the edge of the mock stage. His legs give out and he crumbles to the ground; the thud of his fall is drowned out by the noise of the bass as it does the same.
And that is it. The line that Deltaâs sorrow was hesitantly hanging behind disappears, and it all spills out.
He rolls over onto his back and breaks out into loud, ugly sobs that shake his entire form. His painâboth physical, ripping through his body, and mental, fraying the edges of his sanityâis all but blinding; he canât think at all.
Delta could die right now, and he would not mind.
He doesnât know for how long he lies there in what feels like an ocean of his own tears before a new sound reaches his ears; rushed footsteps, then the door opening, andâ
âDelta!?â Rain yells, but it sounds muffled in Deltaâs ears. He can see the blurry shape of the water ghoul running over to him, but he just canât bring himself to do anything, neither move nor speak. âDelta, what happened, whatâs going on with you?â
No reply, but the fear in Rainâs voice brings Delta a step closer to reality. The water ghoul wasnât supposed to see him tonight, see this, and he definitely wasnât supposed to worry and want to take care of him andâhe fucked up again.
In an attempt to calm himself down and regain some control, Delta clenches his jaw so hard that the pain from it spreads even to the core of his broken horn. Rain keeps talking to him, asking what happened, trying to reassure himâall that babbling that does indeed work on Delta.
Itâs not only grounding; most importantly, itâs a direct reminder that heâs not in silenceâs snare anymore. At least not at the moment, and thatâs what matters. Deltaâs eyes clear as his tears stop flowing, and with his right one he stares up at Rain. For a moment in silence, as if making sure heâs not just another pain-induced hallucination.
The water ghoul doesnât disappear.
âI just wanted to play,â Delta whispers, and it sends a shiver down Rainâs spine. Itâs soâŚhollow; it scares him. âOnly a little.â
âI know, I know,â he replies, grabbing the otherâs hand and squeezing it as he sits by his side more comfortably. âItâs okay, Iâve got you now. Weâll come back here to play when youâre feeling better.â
That unassuming sentence makes something spark in Deltaâs seeing eye, and he asks hopefully, âPromise?â
âI promise,â Rain forces out a sad chuckle. His answer seems to really please the older ghoul in his fragile, near-delirious state; he sags a bit against the floor and squeezes Rainâs hand back.
Then, with a sigh, Delta turns his head to the other side where the bass lies beside him. He raises a weak hand and brings it over the Fenderâs fretboard to clumsily pluck the strings a couple of times.
It makes Rainâs heart crack in two.
After a while he realizes that Delta picks up a rhythm, though it loses its regularity every few seconds.
One. One-two-three-four. One-two-three.
One. One-two-three-four. One-two-three.
One. One-two-three-four. One-two-three.
One. One-two-three-four. One-two-three.
One. One-two-three-four. One-two-three.
One.
One-two-three-four.
One-two-three.
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
âCause Iâm a little unsteady
A little unsteady
4.5k words ⢠Flare-Up, Caretaking, First Time (Together), Tender Sex, Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, (Slow) Dancing
Rain bears witness to yet another part of Deltaâs torment. They alsoâŚwell ;)
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read chapter 10 below, or on AO3.
April 13th, 2019
Rain and Delta have been spending most of their time together since the formerâs dramatic love confession. Neither have any regrets about their choice to let the other in; though different kinds of emotional turmoil are frequent visitors in both their minds.
But they ignore it all in favor of simply enjoying themselves and the other. Just like nowânothing but existing together in the practice room and talking about everything and nothing.
âHow old even are you?â Delta asks, interrupting the silence that has fallen after they ran out of things to be said on the topic of the previous conversation. He surprises himself with the realization that despite knowing a lot about Rain, he has never asked him about that. Or found that out on his own. âYou look young, even for a water ghoul.â
âHm, born in fifty-seven sixty-nine, so thatâsâŚâ Rain trails off to count it in his head. His usage of the dating system from Hell makes Delta smile. âThree hundred and seventy-three, I think? Around that, so either way Iâm basically a twenty-five-year-old by human standards, according to Mountain.â
âYour math is correct,â Delta nods, âand that is what I thought.â
âWhat about you?â
âGuess.â
âUhm,â Rain hums, furrowing his eyebrows as he scans the other with his eyes, âsixâŚseven hundred?â
âLucifer, do I look that bad?â he laughs, but Rainâs face is already bright red with the embarrassment of his estimate.
âSorry, Iâm bad at guessingâŚâ
âItâs quite alright; donât mind my amusement,â Delta assures. âI was born in fifty-six ninety-three.â
âPlease donât make me count, I barely managed my own,â the water ghoul giggles, now hiding behind his hands.
âItâs four hundred and forty-nine. Basically a thirty-year-old by human standards,â the other clarifies, mirroring Rainâs own way of explaining it.
âOhâŚâ If he didnât feel too bad about his guess at first, he feels absolutely terrible now. Deltaâs barely any older than him, and yet he looks soâŚmature. âIâm sorry.â
âFor what? Itâs not you who made me look like a common middle-aged human.â
âI wouldnât say common, either way,â the water ghoul shrugs, smiling shyly.
âAre you calling me extraordinary?â Delta teases and leans in close with a crooked smirk on his face.
âI guess I am,â Rain whispers, closing the distance between them and making their lips meet in a kiss. Itâs nice until Delta suddenly grunts into it and pulls away with a grimace on his face. âWhatâs wrong?â
âJust a cramp, I apologize,â he mumbles, digging his fingers into his left thigh to massage it away. After a brief moment, there is some relief, and he returns his attention to the pretty little water ghoul in front of him. âNow how about I finish what I started?â
The other still has a chuckle on his lips when Delta presses his own against them again. This time it lasts longer. They both reach for the other; Rain tangling his fingers in Deltaâs hair and holding him close by the back of his neck, and Delta with one of his hands cupping Rainâs cheek and the other on his waist.
They do have to part for breath, though, and when they do, the older ghoul is yet again distracted. More pain flares on his left, and he starts to feel lightheadedâand not because of Rain.
âAs much as Iâm enjoying this, Rainy, I believe I have to go,â Delta says with all but a clenched jaw, pulling away and out of the otherâs arms.
âWhat? Why? Is something wrong?â he asks worriedly as the older ghoul stands up, heavily relying on his caneâhe nearly falls back down with the first step he tries to take. Thankfully, Rain catches him midway. âHey, are you okay? Delta, please tell me whatâs going on.â
âI think Iâm going into a sudden flare-up,â Delta sighs, as if that explains anything for the other, âhelp me get to the catacombs?â
Still, the water ghoul nods, trusting him, and adjusts his grip to properly support him. âAlright, letâs go.â
Neither of them says a word as they slowly make their way to the catacombsâRain deciding not to pester the clearly in-pain ghoul with questions, and Delta unable to focus on walking and talking at the same time anymore.
Finally, they get to their destination and squeeze themselves through a tight passage behind an old, water-damaged cabinet. Rain takes in their surroundings: a falling apart shelving unit, a wooden stool, a mattress in a corner, some candles, and a few otherânot quite spectacularâitems. âDeltaâŚthis is where youâve been living all this time?â
âYes, I do realize I am in dire need of an interior designer,â the other jokes in a pathetic attempt to lighten the mood. Heâs falling apart by the second.
âLucifer, had I known I would have made you move into my room a long time ago,â Rain says, and heâs not exaggerating. Even though heâs spent most of his life living in literal Hell, how Delta hasnât lost his mind in here is beyond him. He would take him to his room right now if not for the state heâs in.
His sentiment remains unanswered as the other all but collapses into what is supposed to be his nest with a grunt.
âDelta, whatâs going on? Iâve never seen you like this.â
âThat is because I never let you,â Delta chuckles, only to trail off into a pained groan. âItâs fine, Rain, you can go.â
He does not look even remotely convinced.
If only Delta had more strength in him to argue. He really doesnât want Rain to see him in agony, as he is going to be soon. He will have no control over what he says when the hallucinations start, either, and he doesnât particularly want Rain to listen to that. âItâs normal, I promise. Well, at least as normal as the wholeâŚme is.â
âIâm staying, Delta,â Rain stands his ground, âjust tell me how to help, what to do. Well, except for leaving.â
âYou canât reallyââ another wave of pain, âhelp. I think itâs the weather; storms cause this sometimes.â
Just when he finishes speaking, a loud thunder rumbles outside.
âThatâs what I thought,â Delta sighs before immediately tensing and grimacing as more pain washes over him.
âOkay, Iâm going to go only for a minute,â Rain mumbles hurriedly, getting increasingly upset by this entire ordeal; or rather, the lack of knowledge on whatâs going on. The only idea he has is to do whatever he can to make Delta more comfortable, and that ânestâ of his is hurting the water ghoulâs eyes. âIâll bring you some stuff for the nest, because thereâs no way Iâm letting you just lie in that.â
Delta opens his mouth to argue yet again, but Rain is gone before he can do thatâand it is certain that he will come back just like he promised he would.
Instead, the older ghoulâs thoughts shift to the fact that he is being brought things for the nest. He is aware that courting traditions are currently the last thing on Rainâs mind, but itâs hard to ignore what it would have meant in different circumstances.
By the time the water ghoul is back, the storm has fully rolled in over them and Delta has gotten worse. He frowns as he sees the other writhing in pain and gasping as if struggling to breathe.
Rain runs over to him and surrounds him with the pillows and blankets he brought, but Delta isnât even there anymore. Pain has fully taken over him and shoved his mind into some dark corner to protect him.
Itâs horrible, but the water ghoul intends to keep his promise; he stays by Deltaâs side, and despite his thrashing, holds his hand. A moment later, the ghoulâs own grip tightens to the point of digging his claws into the otherâs skin.
Rain canât hold back the tears that pool in his eyes, only to spill over and down his cheeks. He hates to see the man he loves in such a state; he hates that this was done to him, and he hates that he canât do anything to help.
Minutes pass. The sounds of thunder outside lessen in frequency, but Delta doesnât exactly get better as the storm rolls away. He stops getting hit with more pain every few seconds a while later, then he seems to regain control over his exhausted bodyâbut itâs long before his mind comes back to him.
At one point, the fingers that were digging into Rainâs hand loosen and start working in a slow rhythm, as if to calm himself and get back in touch with reality.
Tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap.
Another while later, Delta turns his head and finally looks at Rain, instead of beyond him. He even opens his mouth to speak, giving the other hope that heâs coming back to himâonly for that hope to go up in flames, as the moment of clarity turns out not to be one.
âDonât cry, my wildfire.â
Feet donât fail me now
Take me to the finish line
Oh, my heart it breaks every step that I take
But Iâm hoping that the gates, theyâll tell me that youâre mine
May 3rd, 2019
Delta has gotten much more comfortable spending time in the Den, though only in Rainâs bedroom, as he still does not want to be seen by anybody else, and the water ghoul can only make the rest of his pack keep the common spaces empty for so long.
But they are both alright with it, even laughing a bit about regularly sneaking Delta inside. Of course, the pack noticed a long time ago that something was going on with Rain and tried asking him about it, but he dutifully continues to keep the secret. He only told them heâs goodâhappier than ever, evenâso that they need not worry, and asked them to respect his privacy.
Their worry hardly went away, but they see that Rain actually is happy, so they oblige and mind their business.
Now, Delta is lounging on Rainâs bed and exploring everything that heâs missed on the internet in the last two years through the water ghoulâs phone as heâs showering. More things that he would have thought have changed since Delta had a phone of his own, and many new ones appeared; though most of them concerning at best.
Either way, heâs enjoying it. His scrolling of TikTok gets interrupted by the door to the bathroom opening and Rain walking out.
âYou have to see this video, itâs terriblyâŚâ Delta begins but trails off when he looks up at the otherâwith his skin still damp and wearing nothing but pajama shorts slung low on his hips. Delta nearly starts to salivate.
âTerribly what?â Rain asks, clueless as to just what his current state is doing to the older ghoul. He walks over to him to take a peek onto the screen, but the moment he leans down enough, Delta throws the phone away and steals a kiss. When they part, Rain giggles, âWhat was that for?â
âDo you not realize just how attractive you are?â Delta replies with a question of his own, making the water ghoul roll his eyes and chuckle. âBesides, you are leaving tomorrow, so I must get my fill for the next few months.â
âFuck, I forgot,â Rain groans, his smile fading, âugh.â
âItâs alright; you will have fun.â
âIâll miss you.â
âI know.â Delta smirks teasingly before going in for another kiss, which the other is happy to reciprocate again. As it deepens, the older ghoul reaches out to place a hand on Rainâs waist, but with the awkwardness of him still lying down and Rain standing, it lands on his hip, and then slides even further down because of the slickness of his skin after the shower; Deltaâs fingers accidentally go under the waistband of Rainâs pants.
But it doesnât make the water ghoul falter, so the other doesnât pull his hand back. If anything, their kiss becomes more heated, and soon enough they are truly all over each other.
Unknowingly to each other, they have both wanted things to escalate for quite some time.
Also unknowingly to each other, they have both thought about this a lot and it appears they have both gotten to the same conclusionâthat Rain witnessing an ugly flare-up of Deltaâs and staying with him through it was a step into the sphere of intimacy big enough to make sex seem like a chaste peck on the cheek. They are ghouls, after allâsex can be, and mostly is, but a pastime activity with no emotional ties attached. Itâs actually somewhat rare, especially in the Pit, for it to be the opposite and carry meaning beyond simple pleasure.
As their breathing picks up, the water ghoul finally decides to properly get on the bed to hover over Delta and continue their sloppy make-out session. Neither of them finds the need to part long enough to say anything, but itâs not particularly needed anywayânow it is clear to both of them what direction they are heading in and that they both want it very much.
The older ghoulâs hands, that despite some difficulties on the way finally got to Rainâs waist, abandon it again soon enough in favor of the ass that Delta has been staring at quite passionately over the last few months; eager to get his hands on it.
It makes its owner chuckle, âFound something you like?â
âYou have no idea,â Delta rumbles into his mouth and squeezes the ass in question for emphasis. The water ghoul hums and forgoes the otherâs lips in favor of kissing down his jaw, then neckâfrowning slightly as he gets to the thick, raised scars that used to be gills. Still, Rain continues his journey until he comes across an obstacle in the form of a shirt.
Delta notices the dismay it causes him, so he makes a move to get rid of itâthe first time so eagerly, since getting the scars he finds so hideous over half of his body. Rainâs perception of them is considerably different, and he finds great pleasure in reverently tracing them with his lips down to the older ghoulâs belly button; even though that move rids Delta of the hold on his ass.
Rain stops down there, though, and looks up with doe eyes that make the otherâs heart do a flip. âYou wanna go on?â
âAbsolutely I do,â Delta pants. âDo you?â
âFuck yes,â the water ghoul laughs with sparks in his eyes, âAre you a top or a bottom?â
âI am anything you want me to be.â
Rain groans, âFuck, youâre hot.â
He lets his head down to rest it on Deltaâs lower stomach, but he perks back up after a moment, when he remembers there is a choice to be made.
âCan IâŚtop, then?â he asks shyly.
The older ghoul smiles brightly and cups Rainâs face in his hands. âI would love for you to fuck me, Rainy.â
And that is his undoing.
He grabs the waistbands of both Deltaâs sweatpants and underwear and slides them down his legs together, revealing the entirety of him before he gets rid of his own shorts, too.
Itâs Rainâs turn to begin salivating; he stares down with hunger in his eyes at the ghoul laid out naked in his nest.
âGorgeous,â he breathes out, while Delta fails to find any words worth uttering.
Before he does anything else, Rain gently grabs the otherâs left leg and props it up on a higher pile of bedding, so as not to risk causing Delta pain. The action makes him fully exposed, but he feels no shame or discomfort.
It makes Rain lose another bit of his sanity, though, when he notices just how slick the older ghoul is.
âLucifer, you stillâŚâ
Delta laughs at his confusion mixed with infatuation. âIndeed. Of all the water ghoul features, this is the one that ridiculously remained.â
Rain gulps, slowly drawing his hand up the otherâs leg, with every second coming closer to where they both actually want it to be. âMay I?â
âPlease do,â Delta whispers breathlessly, and Rainâs fingers reach their destination. He manages to conceal the moan that tries to fight its way out of him, but the older ghoul does not hold back. Heâs not sure if the other even realizes this is his first time having sex since losing Alpha.
And it feels so fucking good.
Delta quickly turns into nothing short of a mess as Rain puts his skilled fingers to workâby the time he deems him ready for more, the older ghoul is somewhere around the moon.
âDoinâ alright?â Rain asks, placing a little kiss on his knee. It gives him an idea, so he lowers his body further and begins trailing his lips up Deltaâs thigh.
âMore than alright,â he breathes. The water ghoul smirks and sits up to lean over the other to kiss him properlyâand while Rain still tries to be a gentleman, Delta all but shoves his tongue down his throat.
Once again, time stops, and the entire world ceases to matter.
But they both get desperate after a moment; even though only Delta voices it, âPlease, Rainy.â
How could Rain ever deny him anything?
He nods, smiling, and obliges.
Delta practically blacks out when Rain first pushes in because of how overwhelmingly good it feels. He hasnât felt such ecstasy in years and has forgotten just how spectacular it is.
âGood?â the water ghoul checks in again, swinging between pride and worry every time Deltaâs face contorts in a new sensation.
âUh-huh,â he mumbles, so unlike his usual sophisticated and composed self. Now, heâs all but a puddle at Rainâs feet. For the first few minutes, he moves his hips gently, at a steady rhythmâboth intending to give Delta time to adjust, and keeping himself in check against the truly glorious feeling of the older ghoul wrapped around him.
He feels so good; Rain is simply scared of blowing too quickly.
But while Delta is indeed enjoying this immensely, he was never that fond of fucking slow and steady.
âCâmon, Rainy, I am not as fragile as I seem,â he groans, smirking under the other ghoul; as if testing him, attempting to rile him up. Accepting the challengeâand likely damning himself in the processâRain adds more force to his thrusts and, oh, is it worth itâŚif only for the sweet noises that spill from Deltaâs lips.
Said noises gain in volume as they both approach the precipiceâboth yearning for that sweet release, but not too eager to bring this to an end. Still, it must come (pun intended) to such, and Deltaâs stamina hasâŚwell, it is not what it used to be after so long.
He moans wantonly into Rainâs ear, and the way his name falls off of Deltaâs lips makes it sound like a prayer, âRain.â
He grunts, and the next thrust makes Delta fall off the edge, throwing his head back in a silent moan. Rain follows right behind at the feeling of the other coming around him.
He all but flops down, half on top of Delta with his face in the crook of his neck. Delta keeps his arms around the water ghoul as they lie together just like this, coming down from their respective highs. His fingers drum on the sweaty skin of Rainâs back in a consistent rhythm.
Tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap.
âThat was pretty cool,â the water ghoul mumbles into Deltaâs skin when he regains his breath, making the other snort.
âI agree,â he says, nuzzling his cheek into the side of Rainâs face. âWe must do it again sometime.â
âWe do.â
Neither of them really has anything more to say after that, nor do they want to move, so they simply donât do either. Their breaths soon even out, and they fall into a deep, content sleep.
Delta does so with one thought on his mind: that yet again Rain made him feel more alive than he had in years.
Touch me, yeah
I want you to touch me there
Make me feel like I am breathing
Feel like I am human, again
May 4th, 2019
Yet another time comes for Rain to leaveâthough this time is the first that he leaves as a ghoul with something more than a bed staying behind. Said something is currently occupying said bed as Rain packs, bustling about his room.
There is music playing in the background, and the longer Delta keeps quiet, the more Rain gets into it. Itâs not long before he starts humming under his breath, and soon after that heâs swaying to the songs.
That is when Delta can no longer stay silent.
âSomeoneâs got them moves,â he teases with a crooked grin on his face. Rain turns to roll his eyes at him, but the ghoulâs pleased expression makes him forget he was supposed to feign annoyance.
âDance with me?â he asks instead, giving in to the impulse.
It makes Delta scoff. âIf you havenât noticed, Iâm a cripple. I wonât be any good.â
âDonât need to be any good.â Rain shrugs as he abandons the shirt heâs been folding in favor of walking up to the other ghoul and offering his hand. âCome on. Please.â
He shakes his head, but with a smile, and sits up to fulfill Rainâs wish. As Delta lays his hand in the water ghoulâs, when they touch, his mind provides him with flashes of the previous nightâskin on skin and breathless words. His chest tightens.
It was so satisfying in so many ways. Mainly physically, of course, but it also moved one more puzzle piece into place somewhere in both their souls. They feel different today, and yet nothingâs really changed.
That is exactly what makes Delta and Rainâtogether and separatelyâknow that this is just right. All the doubts now tucked far away, because they know it in their minds and feel it in their hearts that this is exactly where they are supposed to be.
And here they are indeed, once again simply existing in a bubble just for the two of them; reality frozen.
Itâs so good for a timeâreally fucking good, neither wants it to ever stopâbut then when they both sway to the left, Deltaâs knee buckles under him.
âBloody hell,â he grumbles angrily under his breath, as Rain holds him up and keeps him from going down entirely. âIâm sorry, my legâŚâ
âPut it on mine,â the water ghoul says with no hesitation, earning himself a slightly weirded-out look from Delta. âCâmon, donât be shy.â
âStepping on your partnerâs toes isnât exactly a sign of good manners,â he chuckles.
âThankfully, I donât give a flying fuck about manners,â Rain laughs, and the glint in his eyes is what does it for Delta. He puts his bad leg onto the otherâs foot, but not before pressing a kiss to his lips.
And they get back to it like nothing happened, save for the songs turning slower. It prompts Rain to lean down and lay his head on Deltaâs shoulderâsomewhat awkwardly.
âI donât want to go,â he sighs after a few moments of silent rocking from side to side.
âYes, you do,â the other counters, forcing it to sound confident, but there is a tinge of sadness to it, too. âSurely you remember how big this run is? Youâre opening for Metallica, theyâre one of my favorite bands, then get a holidayâthe Cardinal is truly spoiling you; never before did any ghouls get thatâand then there is your own tour. That is terribly exciting, is it not?â
âI guess,â Rain mumbles, sounding entirely like a pouty kit, and Delta feels as if his heart is about to break in half, âbut itâs so long away from home. From you.â
âWhen did you become so clingy, hm?â he teases, trying so hard to keep his composure; hiding the cracks in it with humor. The truth is, he doesnât want him to go either, but it would be selfish of Delta to admit it. âIt will be alright, the time will pass by really fast for you, I assure you. You will be back here before you know it.â
âWill it go fast for you? All alone here again?â
âNo,â Delta sighs, unwilling to lie directly. âNo, it will not, but it will be much more pleasant than usual simply because there will be something for me to wait for. And that is all I need to know.â
That makes Rain lift his head and break out into a wide grin. The other breathes in reliefâmission accomplished.
âI love you,â the water ghoul mumbles, leaning in to kiss the words onto Deltaâs lips. They take their time enjoying the moment with the music still filling the surrounding space; only adding to the memory it will become and further sealing it in both their minds.
Rain is the one to put it on hold againâof courseâas something suddenly comes to his mind, âOh, and just to be clear, you have permission to get in and sleep or just stay here any time you want, yeah?â
âI just might. When I start missing your scent,â Delta says, inhaling some of said scent for emphasis. It really is a beautiful thing that tethers him; petrichor with a subtle hint of something sweet, floral.
âThatâs lovely, but Iâm serious. Donât rot down there if you donât have to, this place will be totally empty so nobody will catch you,â Rain argues and even utilizes his best puppy eyesâtheyâre more than enough to have Delta cracking, but the other adds the final nail in the casket, anyway. âPlease, if not for yourself, then for me.â
Delta sighs in defeat. âAlright. You have my word.â
âThank you,â Rain grins before leaning in for a quick peck. âI love you.â
âManipulator,â he chuckles, but gently holds the back of the otherâs head to keep him from moving away. He steals a few more kisses before he lets go. âNow get back to packing or youâll run out of time again.â
âMaybe they would actually leave without their bassist if I didnât showâŚâ
âRain.â
âFine, fine,â he rolls his eyes with a pout, âbut Iâll get more kisses before I go?â
âAs many as you want.â
My body is a cage
That keeps me from dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key
4.6k words ⢠Love Confessions, Fluff, Art In Chapter, Mentions Of Attempted Suicide, Talk Of Death, Date
Mending of heartsâtime for love and hope.
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read chapter 9 below, or on AO3.
March 22nd, 2019
Delta canât know whether Rain wants to see him after returning from tour or not. Just to be safe, he assumes the latter, but climbs the stairs to the bell tower to watch him anywayâif only to punish himself.
He canât not watch him; heâs missed him more than he cares to admit.
With his hood pulled up against the pouring rain that the remains of the tower donât protect him from, Delta watches the bus pull up and two ghouls get off of it.
Rain is the third one outside, worrying Delta with how he seems in a frenzy: looking around and then running inside, his luggage abandoned.
Suddenly forgetting everything about boundaries and his decision to stay away, Delta gets up with a groan and turns to leave the tower, wanting to find Rain and make sure heâs okay. He can leave him be again after that, but he needs to know if heâs alright first.
The incident from two months ago has filled Delta with yet another kind of worry for Rain. He claimed not to be suicidal, but with whatâs happened itâs not exactly easy to believe. Delta would not have forgiven himself if the other had died that night; he feels responsible for his breakdown.
As Delta finally reaches the bottom of the stairsâmiraculously not slipping on anyâhe comes across Rain, out of breath and nearly about to collapse before him from how fast heâs just run here.
âI donât care if youâre dying,â he pants out, âI mean, of course I care, I donât want you to die, but itâs not going to stop me fromâŚfrom loving you.â
Delta remains silent, with his mouth agape in shock not only at the otherâs words, but his state. When Rain gets more stable on his feet again, he comes closer. Despite the rain still pouring down onto both of them, he reaches up to Deltaâs hood and pulls it back.
âBecause I do; I love you, Delta,â Rain continues as he grabs the otherâs mask next and gently takes it off, too. âAnd I want you to spend however much time you have left with me. Donât punish yourself for something you couldnât stop and instead allow yourself some joy before youâŚbefore you go back to the Pit.â
With Delta still not saying a word, Rain lets the mask fall to the ground, instead bringing both his hands to the otherâs face. The older ghoul shudders at his touch.
Rain knows heâs taking the risk for the second time, but his confession would not be complete without it. He will accept rejection again if he must, but he will hate himself for it less than he would for not trying once more.
He pulls the strands of wet hair away from Deltaâs face and leans in to kiss him in a way that carries more meaning than anything he could ever say.
With Rainâs lips moving against his, Deltaâs walls collapse and every decision heâs made about letting the other go fades away from his mind. This time he drops his cane, wraps his arms around Rainâs neck, and kisses him back.
Rain feels like he could cry with joy.
Delta does cry, though the rain washes his tears away just as quickly as they come. As they hold each other close, as their bodies communicate for them, he finds himself believing that they can do this, that whatever heartbreak will come later will be worth moments like these, that he does deserve happiness before he runs out of time. Delta cries with the feeling of warmth, of coming home, of hope. Grief already, too, but he forces himself to put that one away for later.
Right now he is alive in every sense of the word.
When they part for breath, Rain leans down and buries his face in the crook of Deltaâs neck. Neither of them knowsâor caresâhow long they stay engulfed in each other for, but all the wetness and cold finally get to them.
âOkay, Delta, I really do love you, and this is adorably romcom of us, but can we get back inside now? Thereâs water in my ConverseâŚâ Rain laughs, stomping his feet in the puddle theyâre standing in to emphasize his point.
âWho would have thought, huh?â Delta teases. âIâm soaked through, too, so yes, letâs go.â
The water ghoul grins and pulls away. He bends down to pick Deltaâs mask and cane up and hands them to him, but the other only grabs the latter.
âHold onto the mask for me,â he winks, âwill you?â
When Delta pulls his hood back up, itâs only with the intention of shielding him from the rain, not Rain.
The water ghoul doesnât stop smiling as he nods. He takes Deltaâs hand and gently tugs him along to get out of that tower and inside. They both laugh at the sound of all the water dripping off of them when they walk through the Abbeyâs corridors.
They donât come across a soul on their way, but Delta grows doubtful when they approach the Den. Rain knows, of course.
âIâm sure everyone is dead asleep by now,â he says when they stop before the Denâs doors. âAnd you already know we only have to pass one room to get to mine.â
âI do.â Delta smiles at him. âLetâs go.â
So go they do and, indeed, the coast is clear. When they get into Rainâs room, he flips the lock and shudders. âAlright, first of all, a warm shower for you.â
âHm, I canât deny it would be nice,â Delta admits as he stands a little awkwardly in the middle of the room, dripping onto the floor and creating a puddle.
âNot âwouldâ, âwillâ,â Rain rolls his eyes playfully, turning to his closet. He fishes out pajama shorts and an oversized t-shirt and hands them to Delta. âThe towels are in the second cabinet on the left. Go, Iâll clean up here in the meantime.â
The other canât find it in himself to argue. It looks as if Rain is enjoying this subtle form of taking care of him, so Delta obliges and turns to the bathroom with a soft smile on his face.
In the meantimeâunable to stop smilingâRain gets most of the wet clothes off of himself, wipes the floor, and readies the bed. He thinks that considering theyâve already slept in this exact bed together, it would be even more appropriate to do so tonight.
His stomach definitely does not do a flip when Delta comes out of the bathroom dressed in his clothes. And it does not do a flip even harder when the other smiles at him wide enough to pull at the scars on his face in a way that Rain adores so much.
He canât help but walk up to Delta, gently take his face in his hands and kiss the left corner of his lips, then with his own trail upward until he gets to the older ghoulâs forehead.
When he pulls back, both of them are blushing down to their necksâthey both ignore it.
âMy turn,â Rain says before going to take a shower himself; heâs freezing. When the bathroom door closes behind him, Delta lets out a breath he didnât realize he was holding. He looks around and down at himself.
âWhat the fuckâŚâ he mumbles to himself, only to let out an uncontrollable giggle a moment after. Unable to wrap his mind around anything, he crawls into Rainâs nest to wait for him; only because he seems to have just gotten it ready for them. Besides, Deltaâs already been invited into it.
Rain comes back out soon enough, looking more relaxed, and joins the other on the bed.
âComfy?â he asks, laying on his side and burying himself deep under the covers.
Delta mirrors his position on the other side of the bed. âVery much.â
And even though he doesnât feel tiredâwell, except for the bone-deep exhaustion that hasnât left him since the failed experiment, but even that seems to have dulled tonightâDelta turns off the light without asking for permission and settles back down with a sigh. Rain still seems to be pretty much euphoric, but the older ghoul sees how tired he is under all of it, so he calls it. âGoodnight, Rainy.â
âRainy?â He blushes a little at the pet name that slipped out of Deltaâs mouth without him even realizing it.
âOh, uhâsorry? I wonât use it again if you donâtââ
âI like it, itâs cute,â he giggles. âYouâve been holding it in for a while, havenât you?â
âAs a matter of fact, I have,â Delta chuckles before snuggling in closer and putting his hand against Rainâs chest, right over his heart. âAs I have this.â
He furrows his brow in slight confusion. âFeeling my heartbeat?â
âDonât make it sound so strange. Iâve had nothing but cold and decay in my life for the past two years, and nowâŚI get this warmth and joy. I get you. You make me feel alive, Rainy.â
âYou couldâve had me earlier, you know,â the water ghoul smiles softlyâtiredly. He puts his own hand over Deltaâs and intertwines their fingers, still over his heart. âIâve been pretty much yours since the day we met.â
âNo. No, I couldnât have.â
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me
And all this devotion was rushing out of me
And the crashes are heaven for a sinner like me
But the arms of the ocean delivered me
March 23rd, 2019
Falling in love with Rain was much easier than Delta would like to admit.
He showed up out of nowhere like a light in the darkness that has been gradually swallowing Delta up for years. He has never realized just how painful nothingness can be, how it drives crazy.
Every day felt more as if he were about to implode than the previous one. It didnât take long at all for Delta to start wishing he had died after the experimentâto start thinking about finishing the job himself.
And oh, did he think about it. Did heâŚ
Truth be told, heâs even attempted it. More than once. The first time he wasnât fully aware of it, but with his mind clear again in the days after, he realized what nearly happened. How close to death he really was.
And how he didnât mind it. Regretted it not working, even.
Later he tried two more times, but after three failures altogether he stopped. He could never figure out why he woke up again those three times, what went wrong. He figured it out after a while of lonely pondering and would probably never admit it to anyone.
The answer was that he never fully wanted to go.
Then, Delta had to unpack why he never fully wanted to go. He had nothing left on Earth, nothing to stay there for, so what was it?
Heâs still not sure about the answer to that one, but he supposes itâs the lack of certainty of what comes after.
The thing is that when ghouls die Topside or get sent back, they reappear in the Pit in their true form in the exact same place they got summoned from. But when they die in Hellâonly possible at anotherâs hands as there are no natural causes that could kill a ghoul down thereâthey disintegrate. They simply turn into ash that gets carried away by the wind. They disappear forever.
Except, getting onto Earth from Hell and vice versa is extremely exhausting. With what Delta went through, he simply couldnât know whether he would end up back in his true form or disintegrate and cease to exist. That thought scares him.
How human.
He tries not to think about what awaits him too often, but when he finds himself unable to keep said thoughts at bay, even nowadays, sometimes he wishes he had succeeded. Though that doesnât happen nearly as frequently as it used to since meeting Rain.
Also right now itâs Rain that pauses Deltaâs deep considerations as he wakes up to fingers dancing over the skin of his stomach.
Heâs sprawled out over most of the nest while the other is tucked into his side with his head resting on Rainâs chest, listening in to his steady heartbeatâboth of them clearly having shifted closer to each other as they slept. Lost in thought for a while, Delta has been going up and down Rainâs torso with a hand, drumming his fingers in a simple rhythm that follows the one of his heart.
âGood morning,â he rumbles. âSlept well, I assume.â
Rain lets out a long groan as he comes to, slowly blinking his sleepy eyes open. âWhy?â
âBecause youâve been asleep forâŚâ Delta turns to look at the clock on the nightstand, then at the other ghoul, âthirteen hours.â
âOh, Lucifer,â Rain mumbles before erupting into a giggle, âsorry.â
âNo need, Iâm glad you got the rest you needed,â the other promises, smiling at him softly. Delta doesnât stop his tapping as they simply stare at each other in silenceâin admiration, with longing, and many other emotions that neither of them can really describe.
Rain nearly falls asleep again under Deltaâs delicate fingertips and his gaze, only snapping back to full awareness when the older ghoul snickers. âWhat?â
âNothing,â he shakes his head, âexcept for you being terribly adorable.â
The water ghoul rolls his eyes at the statement and, ignoring it, finally stretches. He moans as his body comes back onlineâjoints poppingâafter thirteen hours of slumber.
âAnyway, do you want to go get breakfast? I know my entire pack is around, but I really want to make something for you,â he asks despite already knowing the answer he will receive.
âIâŚIâm sorry, but Iâm not ready,â Delta sighs, looking away; as predicted. âI really would enjoy it, but I cannot face anyone else.â
âItâs alright, I understand,â Rain says with a little smileâDelta could just about melt. Meanwhile, the water ghoulâs thoughts trail off, and he gets an idea. âYou know what? Let me plan something. I will make it safe for you, I promise, but just trust me, okay?â
âA surprise, hm?â Delta canât help but smile once again. âAnd I do trust you, of course.â
âThink of it likeâŚa date. If youâd like.â
âIndeed, I would. Will you at least allow me the knowledge of what the dress code will be? You know, so I can go browse my sizable closet for hours to pick the best option.â
âFor you, the dress code can be nothing at all for all I care,â Rain says, before realizing the ambiguity. âActually, I wouldnât mind him that, but if you want to know, I will wear something nice.â
Delta laughs, âSecretive and flirty. Color me intrigued.â
The water ghoulâs smile grows into a grin. He rises on his arms and shifts to hover above Delta, who turns to lie fully on his back. Rain says nothing as he leans down to place a kiss on the otherâs forehead, then his nose, thenâfinallyâhis lips.
Delta deepens the kiss, sighing into it and letting the reality around fall apart until itâs nothing but them that remains in the world. It lasts forever, yet ends so quickly.
âI take it you like the idea,â Rain says matter-of-factly with pride painted on his face.
The older ghoul snorts, âThis could convince me to do many things. But either way, I like the idea very much.â
âGood,â Rain concludes with one more little kiss. âIâll let you know when; I need to plan it well.â
Delta cranes his neck to steal yet another peck. âI cannot wait.â
And Iâd sing a song thatâd be just ours
But I sang âem all to another heart
And I wanna cry, I wanna learn to love
But all my tears have been used up
March 30th, 2019
Just like Rain had promised, heâs carefully planned a date that wouldnât put Delta at risk of being seen by anyone else.
Heâs been bustling about in the kitchen since midday. Heâs excited, but also very anxiousânot about whether he can pull it off, because he knows he will, but about whether Delta will appreciate it and, most importantly, have a good time.
Hours of the day pass, and just as Rain is taking out the plates, his phone ringsâan alarm he set earlier so as not to miss the time heâs supposed to go get Delta. That would be horrendously embarrassing.
He sets everything down, smooths down the black button-up shirt heâs wearing, and heads out of the kitchen and the commons. As he goes, he shoots a previously discussed code message to his packâs group chat and immediately receives thumbs-up emojis from them all. Heâs more grateful to them for agreeing to this than they realize.
The moment the water ghoul walks through the Denâs door, he hears Deltaâs cane against the floorâit makes him smile. When he comes out of the shadows, Rainâs jaw drops.
Literally.
Delta shows up in a white dress shirt and a dark blue waistcoat; no mask in sight. His hair is smoothed out and slicked back, so even with how dry and damaged it is, itâs cascading down the ghoulâs back and shoulders in a way Rain finds nearly hypnotizing.
âCat got your tongue, Rainy?â Delta teases with a smirk, and the water ghoul feels faint.
âNo, uhâŚuhmââ heâs trying really hard to regain his composure, but heâs failing miserably. Finally, he spits out the only coherent thing that comes to his mind, âWhere did you get a suit?â
âTo be completely truthful, I stole it,â the older ghoul laughs, shrugging. âDo you mind?â
âLucifer, no,â Rain all but yells in opposition. He feels as if heâs going to blow up. Logically, he knows itâs the same Delta before him, but with his outfit being something else than an old, loose, dirty cassock that always seemed to weigh him down, itâs almost as if itâs somebody else. A thought crosses Rainâs mindâmaybe this is his insight into what Delta used to be before his tortures. âYou look amazing.â
âNot so bad yourself,â he chuckles. âNow, is it time I find out what your grandeur plan is?â
âWell, first we are going to have dinner,â the water ghoul starts, slowly getting his mind back, âand then weâll watch a movie. Not very grandeur, but the point is that weâll have the commons all to ourselves. My pack doesnât know anything about you, but theyâre on board and wonât wander around when they shouldnât. They didnât mind doing it for me for one evening.â
Something so simple, and yet it renders Delta speechless.
âThatâsâŚreally thoughtful,â he says after a moment, but he doesnât think it properly conveys how it has made him feel. âThank you so much.â
âItâs really nothing,â Rain replies dismissively before offering the other his arm. âLetâs go?â
Delta takes the invitation with a small but bright smile, and the two get into the Den. This time, instead of quickly diving into Rainâs bedroom, they walk to the very end of the long corridor and into the common room. Its doors are rarely moved, but this time the water ghoul closes both wings behind them and flips the lock.
After that, he sends another text to the group chat to announce that the others are now free to walk around through the corridor. He then turns back to his date, only to see him by the TVâor more precisely, the picture-covered wall.
âI need a moment to get the food,â he announces. âJust hang around, Iâll be right back.â
Delta turns halfway and nods, so Rain disappears into the kitchen. When he comes out again, carrying two steaming plates, he catches the other right where he left him: by the wall covered in pictures.
âHey, are you okay?â he asks, not having considered before that the setting most likely would get the ghoul emotional. He hopes itâs not too upsetting.
âYes, quite alright,â Delta replies quickly, getting snapped out of his contemplation. âWould you come over for a second?â
Rain sets their food down on the table and obliges, putting a hand on the small of Deltaâs back as he joins him in front of the wall.
âSo thisââ the older ghoul points at the photo well known to Rain already, âyou know is me with Alpha and Omega. Did you find me anywhere else?â
He hums, looking around. He suddenly realizes, surprised with himself, that heâs never looked for Delta beyond that one picture.
âThis one?â Rain asks, finding one he thinks might have the other in it.
âIndeed, with Pebble,â Delta confirms. âYou could say he was my best friend. We used to spend a lot of time in the woods; he taught me how never to get lost. Look for more.â
The water ghoul obliges and soon finds another one. âHere, with Alpha. Right?â
âYes, he loved to tease me on stage like this, to see if he could get my resolve to break.â
âCould he?â
âOh, every time,â the other laughs, rolling his eyesâor rather one eye, as the injured one is not at all functional, âbut I rarely let him notice.â
Rain grins; he really likes this opportunity to learn about more pieces of Deltaâs old life.
âLook further,â Delta tells him. âI am enjoying myself.â
âAh, that one!â the water ghoul exclaims after a moment, having found another one. âIâve no idea how I missed it; you look smoking hot here!â
âWhy, thank you,â Delta laughs, bowing his head slightly.
âIn the middle here, too, right?â
âWe made splendid advertisers if you ask me. Though I must admit I did not particularly like these strings. Nice and bright sound, yes, but they just did not feel right under my fingers. And they wore down fast, but that was not an issue on tour, of course.â
âFake advertising? Not very noble,â Rain tuts playfully, making the other scoff. The next picture he hangs his eyes on makes him scrunch up his brows. âWait, is that fromâŚthe Grammys?â
âIt is.â
âSo youâre telling me youâve been to the Grammys?â Rain asks, slightly wide-eyed.
âTerzo enjoyed showing us off,â Delta says smugly with an attempt at a wink. âWe did look prettyâŚepic. No?â
âYeah, thatâs crazy!â
âIt was pretty surreal, indeed,â he acknowledges, smirking; though there is a distinct shadow of sadness to it. Delta misses these moments, these peopleâŚand himself from that time.
Rain finds a few more photos with the other in them, and he tells him all about each one, but soon the water ghoul remembers about the food thatâs going cold on the table behind them.
âIâm not bad a cook, but Iâm not exactly a genius either,â he says as they finally sit down to eat; not that heâs complaining about getting to learn some of Deltaâs history in pictures. âWhen I was summoned, Dew taught me that anything you cook rice over can be a risotto, and it sounds fancy soâŚhereâs my version. Salmon with some veggies.â
âIt certainly smells and looks delicious,â Delta compliments.
Rain sends him a smile. âEnjoy.â
So, the older ghoul forks some of the rice and brings it to his mouth. Rain watches him anxiouslyâattempting to be stealthy, but failing. As Delta chews, his eyes nearly roll back into his head.
âOh, it is delicious,â he mumbles before devouring another spoonful. âRainy, Iâmâthis is fantastic.â
âIâm glad,â the water ghoul replies with a grin, allowing himself to eat, too.
When both their plates are empty, Rain stands up to carry them to the kitchen. Getting back, he walks up to Delta and offers him his hand. âCouch time?â
âYes, I think I need to lie down with how full I am,â Delta jokes, patting his stomach before taking Rainâs hand. Heâs not exaggerating in the slightestâitâs been literally years since heâs eaten so well. âThank you for the meal.â
âThereâs dessert, too, but I think thatâs for later,â Rain chuckles and brings the other over to the couch. Once again, Deltaâs eyes sting when he notices there is a footrest set up there, off to the left from the middle.
They both sit down and settle against each other. The older ghoul chirps raspily as Rain brings an arm around him, inviting Delta to rest his head on his shoulder. âAnything in particular youâd like to watch?â
âDealerâs choice,â Delta mutters, feeling warm inside from all the softnessâthe low rumble that should turn into a purr vibrates in his chest, but he hadnât been able to let it sound properly since the experiment. As for the pain in his left leg and arm and the tension on the side of his face, he ignores them all. He really is justâŚhappy. âAlthough maybe something from the last two years? I didnât exactly have many opportunities to stay up to date with pop-culture.â
âGotcha.â The water ghoul nods and starts fumbling with the remote. He takes a whileâmostly browsing the streaming serviceâs dashboardâand in the meantime Deltaâs thoughts run away from him again. After a moment of silence, he feels the need to voice them.
âListen, Rainy,â he starts quietly, âcan I try to explain something?â
âYeah, of course.â
âOkay,â Delta sighs. Rain feels the tension; he presses a kiss to the otherâs forehead in gentle encouragement and reassurance. âEveryone, at least at one point in their life, is somebody. I donât mean just existing, I meanâŚmeaning something. To be somebody, you need to mean something. For most people, itâs justâŚmaking a change, leaving a mark, and those who get lucky leave this world as somebody. Others do not; theyâŚthey lose what used to make them, at some point. And when youâre nobody, when you mean nothing for a long whileâŚitâs really hard to believe you still have a chance to die a somebody. Do you know what I mean?â
âIâŚI think I know where youâre going, butââ
âI mean that Iâm trying to let you make me a somebody again, but itâs difficult, so justâŚplease donât give up on me?â the older ghoul concludes quickly, as if heâs afraid he wonât be able to finish if he takes a moment to breathe.
âOh, DeltaâŚâ Rain sighs, blinking away the tears that have pooled in his eyes. He tightens his arm around the other, bringing him closer; wanting to protect him from the world and his own mind at all costs. âThe difference between you and me is that you have been a somebody to me from the day I was summoned. To me, itâs not a fight; I donât have to try. So no, I will never give up on you.â
âThank you,â is all Delta can mumble out as he hides in the crook of the otherâs neck.
My conscience burning
My eyes are too
Cuddled up with a heart condemned
I should love you and I swear I do
I know the picture thing is a little bit silly, but when I was looking for inspiration for that scene and started working on describing them all, I thought that attaching them might be more fun. So, here.
4k words ⢠Hospital Setting, Hypothermia, Accidental Overdose, Recovery, Suicide Watch, Making-Up, Comfort, Ex-Friends Fight, More Lore, Some Yearning
Given the space and opportunity to think, Rain comes to a major realization.
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read chapter 8 below, or on AO3.
January 10th, 2019
Omega jumps at the door to the infirmary bursting open with a loud noise, followed by the sound of rushed footsteps and worried voices early in the morning. The quintessence ghoul runs out of his office and toward the commotion, gasping at the image of Mountain carrying Rainâunconscious and frozen.
âHow long has he been outside?â he asks, immediately jumping into action as Mountain lays Rain on the first empty bed.
âWe donât know,â Swiss, who came in with the other two, says. âNobodyâs seen him since yesterday, but he couldnât have gone outside earlier than four hours ago.â
âIf thatâs the worst-case scenario, thatâs what weâre assuming,â Omega mumbles as heâs hooking Rain up to different machines and an IV.
âThatâs not the only problem, though,â the earth ghoul adds. âI found an empty bottle of those strong migraine painkillers in the kitchen, the ones you gave Dew a while back, a rel-something. There were at least ten or so left yesterday evening.â
Omega swears under his breath.
âWhat?â Swiss pales a little. âHow bad is that?â
âThat was eletriptan. The maximum dose for humans is eighty milligrams, so for us itâs around one fifty. Those pills were twenty each,â Omega explains before disappearing somewhere for a moment; Mountain and Swiss stare at each other with wide eyes.
âSo thatâsâŚâ the multi ghoul starts.
âTwo hundred,â Mountain finishes for him, sighing, âassuming he took ten, there couldâve been more.â
Omega returns then with more stuff and tends to Rain as the other two try not to break down.
âItâs not good, but it could have been worse,â he says. âDoes the rest of the pack know what happened?â
âNo,â Swiss replies a little shakily, âshould weâŚget them?â
âTell them about it, but only get Aether in here for now; I could use his help.â
âIâll go,â Mountain mumbles and immediately turns to the door, not giving Swiss a chance to volunteer.
âYou should go, too,â Omega tells him. âItâll be okay, but your pacing wonât speed it up. Go back to the Den and wait with everyone.â
âButââ
âGo, Swiss. Heâll be alright, and Iâll let you know as soon as he wakes up.â The multi ghoul nods and leaves as well. The quintessence ghoul sighs once heâs gone and keeps himself calm as he does his job to make sure Rain stays Topside. He has no doubts that he will at least, so he really meant it when he told the others not to worry too much.
A few moments later, Aether comes in and takes on warming Rain up while Omega monitors him and stimulates his system with quintessence to work through the medication he took. An hour and a half after the water ghoul was brought in, he wakes up.
Fifteen minutes later, the entire pack stumbles into the infirmary. They surround him and start asking questions and cooing over himâall except for Swiss and Mountain, the ones who found him. The water ghoul may not realize it, but seeing him like that, not knowing whether heâd survive, and speculating on what his intentions were, took a toll on the two.
Everyone elseâs overbearingness, on the other hand, is making Rain very annoyed.
âWill you please just leave it alone?â he groans at one point. âI love you all, but right now youâre about to make my head explode.â
âI do think itâs enough for a visit for today,â Omega chimes in, saving Rain. Some of the pack mumble something in protest, but in the end they all oblige and leave for now.
Finally having some peace, Rain sighs, âCan I just go back to my room, too, and get some sleep?â
âOh, no,â the quintessence ghoul says with a raised eyebrow, âyouâre staying here for at least twenty-four hours.â
âWhat? Why?â he questions.
âFor observation. Both for your physical and mental health.â
âOh, for fuckâs sake,â Rain grumbles, rolling his eyes. âSuicide watch, really? I was not trying to kill myself; I didnât even know we could kill ourselves up here!â
Omega seems to be amused by the water ghoul struggling to make sense of something so obvious; he chuckles, âWell, thatâs not what it looked like and itâs my call, so get comfy.â
Rain lets out an animalistic grunt and makes a point of dramatically sagging in his bed to emphasize his displeasure. He knows heâs not winning this one, so he might as well try to rest here.
After checking Rainâs vitals and writing something on his tacky clipboard, Omega also leaves him be. He dims the light on his way out, but it doesnât particularly help the water ghoul, whoâs feeling far from comfortable with the smell and sounds of the infirmary.
Heâs still wide awake a while later, late at night, when the door cracks open and a masked figure slips inside and makes his way over to the bed.
âIf youâre here to scold me, Iâve got enough for one day,â Rain grumbles, rolling his eyes.
âI am not,â Delta says as he takes his mask off. âI am here to apologize. Among others, but Iâll leave the scolding for another day.â
âItâs alright, I overreacted andââ
âNo, let me,â he interrupts Rain. He covers the water ghoulâs hand with his own on the bed and attempts to conceal the shiver that it causes; he doesnât think he will ever truly get used to touch again. âThis is neither the time nor place to explain everything, especially my feelings, as that is something Iâm still not fully understanding myself, but I was undeniably in the wrong keeping something as important from you. I understand why it made you feel the way it did, and I am sorry.â
âI get it,â Rain says with a small smile, and itâs genuine. âIâm not upset with you anymore. I understand itâs hard for you; I really do, so no apology necessary.â
âStill, I wanted to give it.â Delta returns the smile, which pulls on his facial scars. The water ghoul finds it beautiful. âHow are you feeling besides that?â
âI feel fine, just wanna go home,â Rain mumbles and scrunches up his nose, âit stinks in here.â
âYou took a dozen pills and went outside into a blizzard barely clothed,â Delta points out, as if the other has forgotten, though itâs with a slight chuckle. âAre you surprised Omega is keeping you here?â
âI suppose not, but I canâand willâbe annoyed all the same.â
âIn that case, are you up for company while youâre sitting here in your annoyance?â the ghoul asks with a chuckle. He has to all but bite his tongue not to call Rain cute out loud.
The water ghoul furrows his brows. âWhat do you mean, what if someone sees you?â
âItâs only Omega here.â
âWhat if Omega sees you?â
âHeâŚuh, he knows, Rain,â Delta mumbles, hanging his head to hide behind his hair. Another thing heâs kept from the other is discovered just after heâs apologized for exactly that. âHe knows Iâm still alive; heâs the only one besides you. Weâre not exactly on good terms nowadays, but heâs even been helping me a little, here and there.â
He can see the gears turning in the water ghoulâs brain. âHe knows youâre alive?â
âHe does. Heâs the one whoââ
âTold you that youâre dying,â Rain finishes for him; not a question. The other nods with a grimace on his scarred face. Neither of them finds anything to be said after that, causing silence to envelop them.
Only when the water ghoulâs eyelids get heavy and Delta notices that heâs fighting falling asleep does he speak.
âGet some sleep, Rain,â he whispers to the already only half-conscious ghoul. Itâs only that that makes him brave enough to pull Rainâs blanket up higher, tuck him in, and gently move the hair out of his face. âIâll be right here.â
As Rainâs breath evens out, Delta remains by his side. He knows heâs being watched, so he isnât surprised when he hears a voice right behind him; he turns around to face Omega.
âI havenât seen you in a while,â the quintessence ghoul mutters, âyou lookâŚâ
âDonât go there, old man,â Delta scoffs before looking down at Rain again. âIs he going to be alright?â
âYeah, he is.â Omega nods and walks around the bed. âDidnât know you two knew each other.â
âYou know I canât resist a pretty and feisty brunette,â he says pointedly, as if itâs supposed toâŚhurt.
The other hums, âNow that I think about it, Rain does look suspiciously like a water version ofââ
âDonât. Just donât,â Delta stops him. âI canât handle talking about him with you. Not with you. And itâs not true. Rain is just Rain.â
âI miss him too, you know?â The quintessence ghoul ignores the otherâs plea; already sounding frustrated by it. âAnd I miss you. Alphaâs not the only one who left me.â
âHe didnât leave you!â Delta nearly yells, only keeping himself in check because of Rain. âHe didnât leave us, heâŚthey took him from us, Omega. From me. And I couldnât stay up here and pretend they did not.â
âWe should have been there for each other.â
âWhat we should have done is burned this entire bloody building to the fucking ground,â the smaller ghoul growls. The cracked claws of his left hand are now digging into the mattress of Rainâs bed.
âFunny,â Omega scoffs, âthatâs what he said as they were dragging him to the catacombs.â
âAnd you stood there and watched,â Delta says coldly, desperately wanting Omega to walk away and end this conversation before he buries his teeth in his neck and rips his throat out. âJust like you stood there and watched me getting mutilated. I suppose it did earn you one cozy spot.â
âI lost a lot, too.â
âOh, fuck you!â he finally snaps, raising his voice much higher than he intended. âI lost everything, Omega! Everything. Donât you dare compare us.â
All the noise finally makes Rain stir on the bed between them. Delta takes a deep breath and regains his composure.
âHe was my mate. His absence is more painful than the absence of water in me, than everything else. All that happened made me a ruin, but itâs him I miss the most. Rarely do I think of revenge anymore, but when I do, itâs for him. Never myself, I got over that. Iâll say it one more time and never again: you would not be here like this if you truly cared as much as you claim to.â
Delta hides his face in his hands and tries to breathe through the wave of nausea that suddenly hit him. When he gets himself together again, he asks, âDoesâŚdoes he still not know I survived?â
âNo,â Omega sighs, knowing right away what, and most importantly who, Delta is talking about. âI gave you my word he wouldnât find out, and I intend to keep it, even with you so mad at me.â
Delta opens his mouth to snap back again, but he takes a look at Rainâs sleeping face and instead gets up.
âLet him go tomorrow,â he says. âIâll take care of him.â
The quintessence ghoul hums. âWill he take care of you?â
Without replying, Delta grabs his cane and turns to the door. Just as he turns the knob, Omega calls out after him one more time. âGood seeing you, Delta.â
âHave a good life up here, Megs.â
We fight every night for something
When the sun sets, weâre both the same
Half in the shadows
Half burned in flames
January 11th, 2019
âCan you tell me why you took that much medication?â
Rain sighs, very much not wanting to talk about it. But what he does want is to get out of the infirmary, and to reach that goal he, apparently, needs to talk. âI didnât even know I did it, let alone why. Iâmy mind was somewhere else. I didnât mean anything by it; I wasnât trying to kill myself. I already said I didnât even know thatâs how it works.â
âOkay, thatâs alright,â Omega replies in that calm, but detached voice, talking to him as if heâs fragile. Rain hates it. âDo you know why you went outside not dressed properly? You must have known it wasnât a good idea.â
âI didnât. Like Iâm saying, I wasnât thinking at all,â Rain repeats himself for what feels like a hundredth time. âMy body just went; my brain had nothing to do with it.â
âI understand. Is it the first time that you've experienced something like this? Your mind detaching?â
âThe first time so bad,â the water ghoul admits truthfully. âIt doesnât happen often, itâs usually when Iâm stressed. I just zone out a little. Iâve never done anything dangerous before.â
âAlright, good,â Omega hums, writing something down. âWell, strong emotions can cause people to dissociate, and unless it happens frequently or lasts a long time, youâre okay. Iâll let you go now, but I want you to promise me you will ask someone for help next time you start feeling out of it. Okay?â
âYeah, I promise,â Rain says, mostly just so he can go home. Heâs itchy and his back hurts from the bed and he canât stop frowning because of the sterile scent of the room.
âIf it becomes a common occurrence, we can try some medication,â the quintessence ghoul continues; the other couldnât care less. âThere isnât anything strictly for dissociation or derealization, but symptoms around them, which can still help a lot. So just come to me if thatâs the case.â
âI will, thank you,â he mumbles once again. He wants to ask if he can go now, but he feels it will be less suspicious if he waits for Omega to tell him himself.
âGood, in that case weâre all done here,â he announces, getting up from the chair next to Rainâs bed. Finally. âGo get some food in you, Rain.â
The water ghoul sends him a fake crooked smile before climbing off the bed, putting on his shoes and heading straight to the door. He makes a beeline for the Den, ignoring pretty much everything on his way.
Except for one thing, when he reaches the staircaseâRain feels his presence long before he sees him.
âI hope you did not lie your way out of there,â Delta rumbles, coming out from under the stairs as he does; the water ghoul wonders how much of it is purely for the dramatic visual effect of emerging from the shadows like this.
âI guess youâll never know,â Rain snaps back, before he realizes how rude he sounds; he adds a fake smile on top to soften it and make it feel more like a joke.
Of course, Delta sees right through it. âYouâre still upset with me. Point taken.â
âNo, Iâm not, Iâm just overstimulated and generally annoyed and I need toâŚI donât know. I need space, I guess, to get my thoughts and feelings sorted out, and everything,â the water ghoul sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. He means what he says; he really is just lost at the moment. âIâm sorry.â
âI understand,â the other replies with a nod, âFind me when you are ready. Or if you need me, even if itâs before that.â
âThanks,â Rain mutters before biting his cheek and drilling his eyes into the floor. There are more things he wishes to say than that, but none of them actually make any sense in his mind; at least not enough to be utterable.
He truly does hope that the time he just told the other he needs will help him organize all thatâfor both their sakes.
âTake care of yourself, Iâll see you soon,â he adds after a few seconds of silence, but Delta is already gone.
And to know me as hardly golden
Is to know me all wrong, they warn
At every occasion, Iâll be ready for the funeral
January 30th, 2019
Despite Deltaâs promise to take care of Rain after the incident, they had not seen each other since then. The water ghoul has made what he wants quite clear, and after everything, Delta doesnât intend to cross his boundaries.
As Rain once again climbs onto the tour bus, itâs impossible for him not to notice the lack of Delta and his wise words. It pains him, but his âthoughts and feelingsâ are still all over the place; he hopes that going away and letting the craziness of life on tour keep him busy gives him something solid to come back with.
In the meantime, Deltaâjust as unhappy, if not moreâis watching the water ghoul from the old bell tower. Recently, even with the cold weather, heâs been spending quite a lot of time up there. He likes the perspective it gives him; it makes him feel as if he can see the world not as someone living in it, but from beyond.
And that makes him consider things differently, which means that Delta being there frequently indicates that he is trying and failing to make a decision.
He canât seem to forget neither the look on Rainâs face when he told him the truth, nor his blank, yet visibly hurt expression after it all. He canât decide which one was worse to witness.
Though itâs undeniable that apart from these two moments, all the time heâs had Rain in his life has been the happiest heâs been in what feels like forever. After his life fell into ruin, he had no hope whatsoever that he would ever know joy again. The concept started feeling like something foreign.
If not for him sneaking into the practice room in those late nights to feel the music again, he would have lost his sanity, on top of everything else, a long time ago. But even with that, the bareness of Deltaâs existence was still bringing him closer and closer to the brink with every passing day. He was already standing on the very edge when he heard the rumors of a new water summoning being planned.
Heâs watched a few new summons before, but never before did he get so infatuated with one, like he did with Rain. He thought the reason for that could be the timingâas if Rainâs entry into his life was a sudden appearance of a lifeline that Delta could not have helped but desperately grab onto.
But even if he couldnât help it, what Delta did was give the water ghoul hope, only to crush it later on. Now, even if he was willing to risk, to try his luck and allow himself to be with Rain, to find some happiness in his otherwise miserable life, he would end up ruining the other with something much worse than disappointment.
Grief.
It is a fact that Delta is doomed, and he cannot drag Rain down with him.
It is all for the better.
I wanna be the power ballad that lifts you up and holds you down
I wanna be the broken love song that feeds your misery
And I can wish all that I want, but it wonât bring us together
Plus, I know whatever happens to me, I know itâs for the better
February 14th, 2019
Rain has found Valentineâs Day really cute since learning about its existenceâan entire day dedicated to spending time with and cherishing the people one holds close to their heart.
He can see how the romantically unlucky would despise that day, though, and Rain thinks he technically should consider himself to be in that category. Itâs a shame, considering itâs his first time seeing the outside world all but drenched in the Valentineâs Day sweetness and he canât truly appreciate it.
It only makes the ache nestled in his own heart more powerful.
He canât really find it in himself to be upset with Delta for keeping his situation a secret anymore, but it doesnât change the fact that he rejected the water ghoul. It canât be said that the move Rain made could not have been predicted, that it was random and out of place after all these months they have spent basically tending to the slowly, but steadily, growing flames in their hearts.
Delta let their relationshipâwhatever kind it wasâstart and kept it going, only to crush Rainâs hopes at the most unfortunate moment.
Now, as the water ghoul is wandering the streets of a city somewhere in Germany with everything around being decorated in pinks, reds, and purples, and glitter, and stars, and hearts, he canât help but watch all the happy couples and imagine how he would have treated Delta for this day.
Heâd wake up in his arms, but slip away before the other did. Heâd sneak into the kitchen and prepare breakfast, which heâd return to the bedroom with. Heâd wake Delta up with a kiss and wait for him as he eats, then gets ready. Rain would take him out for a trip somewhere far away from the Abbey, for no reason other than to see the spark in his eyes as he forgets about all his troubles. Then, theyâd get a fancy dinner in a fancy restaurant, and after that the water ghoul would get them back home where theyâd go to bed and kiss andâ
Yes, Rain is feeling quite bitter about this loss.
Valentineâs Day is cute, but tainted for him now, and that makes him want to find something to hate about it. He wants to think about it as nothing more than one big commercial bullshit, because if itâs a hoax, then he doesnât have to feel sad about not getting to share it with someone else.
Rain does think humans throw the word âloveâ around too carelessly. They downgrade other things, such as friendship or loyalty, and mistake caring for someone or feelings like lust for love, when it isnât.
Or maybe for them it is; maybe it all works differently than for ghouls.
Humans distinguish between loving someone and being in love with them, instead of just giving it a separate name. They believe love at first sight is possible, and confess it even if they are unsure what it is, just because they feel the obligation to.
Rain finds it weird and slightly fake.
To himâand probably all the ghoulsâactual love is much more than enjoying someoneâs company, appreciating their body, seeing past their faults, wanting a future with them. Itâs not something that can grow where itâs not supposed to if you work on it hard enough, but it doesnât just happen randomly, either.
No, love is something visceral.
It consumes and blinds in a euphoric way that becomes addictive. To humans it sounds like too much; they fear something so intense, consider it to cloud their judgement and change them into something they are not.
Theyâre too little to feel it the way it is supposed to be felt.
Ghouls, on the other hand, taught by Lucifer himself, know the truth about love. It strips of doubt and limitations and liberates. It takes over and changes, yes, but itâs what it is supposed to do; itâs designed to take two souls, melt them separately like two precious metals only to join them to create an alloy beyond price, one of a kind.
True love is rare and unmistakable andâ
Wait, but Rain isnâtâŚno.
Right?
He canât be. It doesnât make sense, itâsâ
Uh-oh.
Oh.
OH FUCK.
Iâll be good, Iâll be good
And Iâll love the world like I should
Iâll be good, Iâll be good
For all of the times that I never could
3k words ⢠Emotional Damage, Art In Chapter (Fave), First Kiss, Major Revelation, Heartbreak, Angst, Nightmares, Mental Breakdown, Dissociation, Unintentional Self-Harm
Rain takes the leap, but is faced with a truth so grim, it makes him lose his mind.
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read chapter 7 below, or on AO3.
December 31st, 2018
Even though Delta has already tried to convince Rain to stay with his pack for New Yearâs Eve, the water ghoul refused. Heâs stubborn when he wants to be, so the two of them ended up agreeing to meet in the practice room.
Not having absolutely anything to do, as usual, Delta went there early.
Not having absolutely anything to do, as usual, Delta is now thinking.
Opening up to and before Rain was much easier than he would like to admit. When he still dared to dream of and hope for a shift in his miserable life, Delta imagined he would fuck his chance up by behaving like a scared animal, unwilling to trust ever again after having been betrayed. He was sure that is how it would go.
Then Rain came along and, sure, at first he was a proper creep, afraid of doing anything other than watching from a distance lest it all go to hell. Itâs better to have something small than nothing at all.
But Delta has never been as strong-willed as he would hope to be, so he ended up caving in. He crossed the line he himself had drawn and started a conversation, which started something more.
And here they are, and even though Delta knows there will come a time when he will regret taking that step, for now heâsâŚis he happy?
At some point, the door to the practice room cracks open, and he sees Rain. The younger ghoul tries to ignore the flip his stomach does at Delta taking off his mask at the sight of him approaching.
âMaking up an excuse to get out of the party wasnât easy,â he jokes lightheartedly as he sits next to the other, but it immediately makes Delta feel bad.
âYou should be with your pack,â he tells him again, looking away. He really doesnât like the fact that the water ghoul keeps wasting all the celebrations on him instead of spending them with his pack, his actual family. He should just stop agreeing and hide from him, but he canât bring himself to deprive himself of Rainâs presence.
Rain wonât have it, though. âI wanted to be with you.â
Delta doesnât know how to reply to that; he elects not to reply at all. He just doesnât understandâheâs a lost cause after all. Even knowing only what he does, Rain must realize it.
âAnyway, Iâve brought you something,â Rain says, cutting the stretching silence. He pulls said something out of the pocket of his hoodie and hands it to Delta; he receives it with a quiet and involuntary raspy chirp of curiosity. Itâs an envelope, though itâs rather unlikely that itâs the gift. The ghoul opens it, and his fingers grab onto something matte on one side and smooth on the other; a photo. Delta turns it over in his hand and gasps once he takes in whatâs in it.
A memory of better daysâŚof something long gone.
He doesnât know how long heâs just sitting there staring down at the photo held in his own shaking hand. Delta had no idea any of these pictures were kept, let alone that they were anywhere so easily accessible that Rain could have brought him oneâalbeit a copy of what was originally a polaroid.
A polaroid he vividly remembers being taken backstage before a show somewhere in the United States. A few seconds after the shot, Alphaâs lips were on one side of Deltaâs face and Omegaâs on the other. Another few seconds later the then-water ghoul got squished between their massive forms and trapped on that couch until it was time for them to go on stage; Terzo himself had to fix Deltaâs sash at the very last minute before stepping out, not without joking.
They were all so happy.
Rain watches the other and feels like heâs done something wrong. Thereâs so many seemingly mixed emotions flashing across Deltaâs face that the other canât at all guess what heâs thinking.
âItâs a copy because I didnât know if anyone would notice it missing,â he mumbles, interrupting gently, âsorry.â
âFrom where?â Delta replies with a quiet question as he strokes the edge of the picture with his thumb; Alphaâs side. Particularly the fire ghoulâs horn, adorned with a golden ring. A matching one, though in silver, is wrapped around one of picture Deltaâsâthe left one, now gone and having been most likely thrown out together with the piece of jewelry after it broke off during the ghoulâs torment. The horn rings were tokens of Alpha and Deltaâs love for each other and a symbol of their mateship. âMissing from where?â
âOh, itâs up on the wall in our common room,â Rain clarifies, âthe one right ofââ
ââthe TV,â the other finishes for him with a pained little smile. The water ghoul still canât read whether what he did was uncalled for or if Delta appreciates it.
âYeah,â he confirms and watches the older ghoulâs eyes get shiny with tears. âIâm sorry if this isâisnât right. I didnât know if it would be appropriate, butâŚâ
âNo, itâsâI really appreciate it,â Delta sniffles, âgenuinely, thank you so much, Rain. I justâŚreally miss those times.â
âIâm sorry they were taken from you,â Rain mumbles, tentatively placing a gentle hand on the otherâs shoulder, trying to show him heâs there for him. He is well aware, it turns out, because he suddenly throws his arms around Rain and hugs him tightly, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.
The younger ghoul is a little stunned for a moment, but once the initial shock fades away, he hugs Delta back. Or rather, holds him as he crumbles.
Itâs a while before Delta regains his composure, but Rain doesnât mindânot even close, even though he is a little out of his depth here. What makes the other finally pull away is the sudden loud noise of the Abbeyâs bells tolling all at onceâeven those that are usually silent. Itâs midnight.
Rain smiles and leans down to whisper into Deltaâs ear, âHappy New Year.â
âHappy New Year, Rain.â
And it feels like an eternity
Since I had you here with me
Since I had to learn to be
Someone you donât know
January 4th, 2019
For once, Rain is awake at the ungodly hour of three in the morning on purpose; willingly. Heâs had the alarm set for months, even though he would have still remembered without it.
The Abbey is chilly as the water ghoul leaves his room with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Yawning, he heads to the rehearsal room, hoping that he isnât alone in being a sentimental fool.
He smiles, walking inside and seeing Delta already there, masklessâheâs so beautiful in the low, cool light of the practice room it makes Rain stumble back a few steps.
âI was wondering if you remembered the date,â the older ghoul greets him with the corners of his lips twitching up at the sight of Rain, so sleepy and allâŚcute.
âI was wondering if you remembered the date,â Rain replies, chuckling. He pads over to where the other is sitting and plops down beside him. Their hands fall next to each other, and the water ghoul has to resist the urge to clasp them together.
âThere arenât many days on my calendar that are worth remembering,â Delta chuckles, gazing at Rain and admiring the iridescence of his horns; similar to the look of a moonstone, âthis one certainly is.â
âItâs crazy that itâs been a year, right?â the younger ponders. âIt flew by so fast for me, I was barely here.â
âNot for me,â Delta sighs, âbut it was much better than the previous one, now that I hadâŚyou.â
Rain smiles crookedly and scooches in closer to the other, so close that their thighs are touching. Delta shivers a little at that, but his eyes stay locked on the otherâs own as his face is now mere inches away.
âI really wanted to kiss you on New Yearâs, you know?â Rain says quietly, looking between Deltaâs lips and his eyes. He really, really wants to do it.
âOh?â
âBut then I thought I should waitââ
âOhâŚâ
ââuntil today,â he whispers before closing the distance between them and pressing his lips against Deltaâs. Warmth spreads through them both at the contact, though they donât know if itâs actually there or if itâs just how it feels to be alive.
Delta pants into Rainâs mouth and the water ghoul wishes never to pull away. He leans forward even more and tangles his fingers in Deltaâs hair as he loops his arms around Rainâs waist.
They breathe together and for a few moments nothing but them exists in the world; neither of them want it to end, but when Delta places his hand on Rainâs chest and feels his heartbeat under his palm, he chokes on a sudden realization of just what heâs doing.
âRainâhmfpâI canât, wait, I canât,â he gets out between kisses, trying to pull away as gently as possible; it hurts him nearly physically, especially when he sees the otherâs sad face.
âWhâwhat?â
âI canât, Iâm sorry.â
âYou donâtâŚI thought you liked me, too, IâmâIâm sorry, Iâllââ Rainâs voice cracks as he scrambles up to stand, to get away. How could he have been so stupid? Shame burns through him as tears well up in his eyes.
âNo, no, I do! I like you a lot, but, uhmââ
âWell, then explain it!â Rain raises his voice, anger at the disappointment getting the best of him. âI deserve to fucking know why youâre pushing me away.â
He can see the otherâs expression harden at that as he stands, too, and he knows heâs crossed the line.
âIâm dying!â Delta yells. âThat good enough a reason for you!?â
Silence falls; a deadly one. The older ghoul pinches the bridge of his nose as he breathes heavily, taking a few steps back. Rain is justâŚfrozen.
âWhat?â he asks in a tiny voice, barely audible, after a moment.
Delta frowns. âIâm dying. Whatever the transition did is slowly killing me. Has been for the last two years, I donât know how much time I have left.â
âAnd you didnâtâwhy didnât you tell me?â
âThere wasnât a good opportunity, I didnât think it matteredââ
âYOU DIDNâT THINK IT MATTERED!?â Rain yells out again, digging his fingers into the sides of his head; this is insanity. âDeltaâŚwhat the fuck?â
âI didnât think youâd care,â the older ghoul tries, but Rain is right, really. It doesnât make any sense, and it was cruel of Delta to keep it a secret all this time. âI didnât want you to care.â
âA year,â the water ghoul whispers. âItâs been a year. Have I notâŚI donât know, proven myself?â
âIâm sorry.â
âI canât believe this,â Rain paces in a circle, stepping even further away from the other, âwhat does that even mean youâre dying, like, what, are you gonna just drop dead like a human in a few years?â
âMost likely,â Delta confirms quietly, hanging his head and leaning more against his cane, âor months.â
âMonths,â he scoffs, âmonths that I will be away from here.â
âIâm sorry.â
âMe too, but right now Iâm more angry than anything else.â Rain turns to the door, not minding what the older ghoul still might want from him. He doesnât have any right to want anything from him now.
âRain, pleaseâŚâ he calls out, reaching out with a weak hand as if he could keep the other there with sheer willpower.
âNot now.â
Delta knew it couldnât have lasted, and yet it hurts like hell to watch Rain walk away from him.
Right now, I need you here
I need you to stay strong
To remind me where I came from
And where I belong
January 9th, 2019
Rain has barely been sleeping since thatâŚargument. He canât, not with how his mind is racing, a near-rhythmic pound of Delta, Delta, DeltaâŚand when he does manage to shut his eyes and let sleep take him, it is only moments of peace that he gets before being kicked back into wakefulness by images of Deltaâs lifeless body at his dream selfâs feet.
He is dyingâŚ
How can he be sure? Itâs not as if he was ever checked out by a doctor, or a quintessence ghoul. Does he justâŚknow? Can he feel his body disintegrating and giving in to the rot? Does it even work that way?
He is dying.
How much time does he have? Is it days, weeks, months, or years? Is it reallyâŚwould it really be so bad to let Rain in for however much that is? Why would it not work? He is going to grieve either way, does Delta think he wonât?
What the actual fuck?
A better question is why Rain is avoiding him? Why is Rain angry with him for thisânot even lying, but only failing to mention his predicament, which is not an easy burden to carry, and itâs understandable why the ghoul didnât want to share it?
ButâŚis it really?
Rain doesnât know, but what he does know is that heâs a cruel and selfish bastard to be torturing a dying man like this, but he canât face him, anyway. Not yet, not after what happened that night.
So Rain does not sleep.
Itâs caused a migraine to bloom, one thatâs been making him unable to function properly for the past few days, with no prospects of relief. That, in turnâor rather, combined with sleep deprivation and the emotional and mental breakdownâis making Rain dissociate. He barely knows what planet heâs on right now.
When he gets a moment of clarity, he grits his teeth and gets up from the mess that is his nest, intending to do something fun, something familiar that will take his mind off of Delta and maybe even help him relax, if heâs lucky.
Music has always been that thing for Rain, so after taking a few painkillers, he turns to his bass. The one he keeps in his room, as he doesnât dare go into the rehearsal room just yet, lest Delta be there. Not yet.
As if in a trance, he grabs the instrument, plugs it into a small amp and finds the backing tracks heâs got saved on his phone. He hits play on shuffle, wanting only to clear his head.
Alas, the world seems to absolutely fucking hate him tonight; Deus in Absentia starts playing. Rain doesnât pluck any strings even once; heâs frozen until the bridge.
All of your imaginations,
are now running down your face.
The water ghoul throws his bass onto his bed with a growl. Not knowing what to do with himself, he leaves his room, slamming the door behind him.
Rainâs emotions take him to the Denâs kitchen. He doesnât know if itâs empty, or if someone is there, and if theyâre trying to talk to him. Heâs too out of it; he doesnât know what heâs doing when the headache thatâs not only persisting, but getting worse makes him down a couple more pills before storming back out of there.
He freezes in the middle of the common room, though, with his pupils blown; eyes glued to the wall.
He canât believe the ghoul in that picture is Delta. The one who was smiling so brightly, with his face full and his body filling out his uniform; now barely more than a corpse.
Not for long, Rain realizes.
Delta is going to be an actual corpse sooner rather than later, and thereâs not one thing either of them can do about it. It makes a near-tangible pit open up in Rainâs stomach and an invisible fist close around his heart.
He runs out of there, away from that beautiful nightmare of the past.
The sudden change in temperature when the water ghoul ends up outside makes him sober up a littleâbut only for a split second. He pauses on the gravel path just out of the Abbeyâs door and considers turning back in his moment of clarity. Heâs a water ghoul, barely dressed at that, and itâs the middle of a Swedish winter; going outside is a horrible idea.
Rain deems what awaits him inside the worse alternative.
He lets his vision go blurry as he turns behind the gardens and greenhouses covered with snow and in the woodsâ direction. Thereâs nobody there; itâs dark and peaceful, and that is what Rain needs, so that is where his mind directs him.
The water ghoul takes a deep breath of the icy fresh air, reveling in how it feels like a thousand needles pricking his lungs. He closes his eyes and throws his head back to feel the near weightless snowflakes fall and melt on his face. He shivers, then starts to shake, but does not turn back.
Rain walks on until he finds a path well-known to him. It is iced over, as are all the rocks, big and small, scattered around. In the summer itâs fun to hop from one to the other, and his subconscious must give in to the memories of the ghoul doing just that.
He has lost the awareness of what heâs doing a while agoâheâs in a near hypnotic (or maybe psychotic) stateâbut the last thing his brain registers before the world goes truly dark is how a slippery rock causes him to fall and ram his head into a nearby tree.
All my life
Iâve been heading for hell
But never had I thought
Iâd drag you down as well
3.2k words ⢠Lore Drop: Trauma, Elemental Transition, Body Mutilation, Torture; Unmasking, Art In Chapter, Loss, Past Character Death, Haunting The Narrative, Touch Starvation, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, Mutual Pining
Unmasking both literal, and metaphorical, as Rain finally learns Delta's whole story.
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read chapter 6 below, or on AO3.
December 24th, 2018
The concept of Christmas never appealed to Rain.
Heâs glad nobody pressures him into participating in anything other than gift giving among his pack. Not that heâs forced to do itâno, that is the only part he likes. He thinks itâs cute and a good way to show appreciation to those he loves. He got something small for Delta, too, but he couldnât find him all day.
The festivities are still there, though, all around the Abbey and all throughout the night; and theyâre loud, making the water ghoul unable to sleep. Naturally, he heads to the rehearsal roomâgrabbing his gift for Delta just in case he comes across him there.
Just like at the same time last year, though, when Rain approaches the room, he hears music coming from within. The same song as last year, tooâhe recognizes it now; itâs Deus in Absentiaâand he wondersâŚ
This time the water ghoul enters.
He does so quietly, so as not to startle whoever is playing inside and make them stop. Theyâre sitting on the edge of the stage, and itâsâ
Delta.
Of course itâs Delta.
Rain hangs by the door and listens, waiting for the song to end. Deltaâs playing is beautiful and full of emotion, but stiff at the same time; Rain figures itâs from the pain. He understands now.
Finally, the song ends, and Delta leans back, stretching. He notices the other.
âFor once, itâs not me watching you from the shadows,â he jokes, but thereâs no actual humor in it.
âIt was you playing here last year, wasnât it?â
âIndeed, it was,â he sighs. âIâm not a fan of todayâs date, so I try to keep myself busy.â
âMe neither, apparently,â Rain chuckles, shrugging. He walks over and sits by Deltaâs side, âbut I actually got you something. Nothing fancy, but I thought it could help you a little.â
He cocks his head to the side in curiosity, making the other smile; heâs cute. Despite his face being hidden and this mournful aura hanging around him, Deltaâs cute.
âI saw you get blisters on your right hand sometimes, from the cane,â Rain hands him the small gift bag. âThese grips are supposedly really good for that.â
The ghoul opens it and turns the box with the grips around in his hands. He doesnât speak, only caresses the cardboard, and Rainâs smile fades.
âDo you not like them? Sorry if itâs stepping over a lineâŚâ
âNo, Iâm sorry, Rain,â Delta snaps back to reality, âthis is really amazing, thank you, Iâm justâmy mind is somewhere else tonight.â
âAre you okay?â
Delta sighs and takes a moment in silenceâas if wondering whether he should reply truthfully. He looks at the water ghoul and makes his decision upon seeing the worry on his face. âItâs the second anniversary of aâŚthe thing which made me what I am. Which ruined me.â
âFuck, Iâm sorry,â Rain mumbles quietly. âDo you want to be left alone? Sit together in silence? Or maybeâŚtalk about it? Get it out of your system?â
Once again, Delta takes a moment to consider the question before he nods. Yes, he does want to get it out; he hadnât had an opportunity to do so since it happened.
âI did not know it was being planned,â he starts his story. âI donât think Terzo did, either; probably only the highest members of the Clergy did. An experiment never attempted before, without my consent. I donât know why I was chosen.â
Rain remains silent, choosing not to interrupt with powerless words. Instead, he takes one of Deltaâs hands into his own and squeezes it to show support. Despite Rainâs body temperature still being low, as is typical for water ghouls, to Delta it feels like fire.
âAn elemental transition,â the ghoul scoffs, shaking his head at the absurdity of the fact that the Clergy genuinely thought it could work; such an abomination, âI remember little of it besides the fearâŚand the pain, like electricity burning through and ripping me from the inside out.â
Rain shudders and frowns. Heâs beyond shocked.
He wondered many times why Delta is the way he is, what happened to him. Many times he was tempted to ask, but ended up biting his tongue every single one, electing to mind his business. Heâs honored that the other feels comfortable enough to tell him about it, but he canât imagine the pain, both literal and metaphorical, and he canât comprehend how someone could subject another being to such torture.
âThe date wasnât accidental,â Delta continues, âthey did it while the whole Abbey was celebrating. Yule, Christmas, Winter Solstice, KrampusâŚthe name of the festivities hardly matters. They did it so that no one would hear me scream.â
Tears start welling up in Rainâs eyes. He canât even grasp what was done to the otherâhe doesnât think he wants to fully know, even though itâs selfish to protect his own peace while Delta was forever stripped of it.
âIt didnât work, clearly. I was water, supposed to turn into quintessence, but now IâmâŚneither, really. All I got was nerve damage. Ended up blind in my left eye, with ugly scars and everlasting pain on that side. I lost everything that night, and they just left me to rot.â
Silence falls, then. Delta got everything out. Rain is too appalled to speak; he doesnât know what he could even say, because this is justâŚunthinkable.
Seconds pass, then minutes, and the water ghoul replays the last words of Deltaâs over in his mind. Suddenly he knows what to say.
âYouâre beautiful, you know that?â
âIâm not,â Delta grumbles, not entertaining the idea that Rain is being honest, not even for a second. âYou havenât seen me; you donât know what you are talking about.â
âI donât need to see you to know you are.â He shrugs, squeezing the otherâs hand again. âIâd love to see you, the whole you, but even if I never get to, I will still die on that hill. You are beautiful to me, Delta.â
He hangs his head, hiding further under his hood, making Rain unable to see the eyes that have gotten wet. Nobody has called him beautiful in over two years; nobody has called him anything in over two years, really, but some lacks hurt more than others.
For some reason, Delta believes Rain and his wordsâhe believes that there is something beautiful about him that remains.
He squeezes the otherâs hand back, before separating them and bringing both of his to the hood of his robe. He hesitates, but decides that if he is to lose Rain, he wants it to happen sooner rather than laterâbefore he lets himself have too much hope.
Delta throws back his hood and reaches for the back of his mask. Rain doesnât speak, doesnât even look at him yet; unsure if heâs permitted to.
Finally, Deltaâs mask comes off, and he sets it onto the floor behind them with a quiet clank.
âWell?â he asks in a voice so quiet itâs barely audible.
Rain looks up and gasps.
Itâs him.
The ghoul in the picture in the common room, the one with Omega and Alpha, itâs Delta.
Heâs barely recognizableâso much thinner, older looking, and sickly pale from malnutrition and lingering in darkness, his hair dryer and a much duller shade than it used to be, with one of his eyes a different color and blind, one horn missing, and a couple lightning-like scars spread over the left half of his face and trailing down under his collarâbut itâs him, no doubt.
Suddenly, so many puzzles fall into place. It has always been DeltaâŚand Delta is truly beautiful.
âReconsidered your words?â he scoffs, shrinking a little where he sits as he realizes how naĂŻve what he just did is. It snaps the younger ghoul out of his trance.
Heâs beautiful in a distinctly water ghoul way, despite having his element stolen from him; heâs a siren, even though a burned and hurt one. Rain keeps staring at him wordlesslyâadmiringâbut Delta takes the lack of reaction for a negative one.
âAbsolutely fucking not,â he breathes out, âyouâre gorgeous.â
He tries to reach out; he wants to gently cup Deltaâs face in his palms and hold it like something precious, worship it. He doubts it would be appropriate, though, so his hands drop to hold the otherâs own again, instead.
For the next few minutes, Rain barely even blinks, taking in every single feature of Deltaâsâhe feels stripped bare under the otherâs heavy gaze. When the water ghoulâs eyes fall on his hair, he remembers something.
âCan I askâŚwhat happened with Alpha?â
Delta sighs; it sounds pained.
âWe were in love. Mates.â His sad chuckle makes Rain immediately regret asking. âHe didnât know about the transition until it happened, either, but it was easy to assume who was behind it. Alpha thought I was dead already, so in a true fire ghoul fashion, he lost it. He attacked Sister Imperator, andâŚwell, that is not something that can be left without punishment, is it?â
Rain doesnât reply; too touched by how cruel Topside has been to the other. Heâs been through unimaginable things, and yet heâs still able to smile and laugh.
âHeâs never learned I survived,â the other adds with a quiet whisper, and Rainâs resolve fully breaks. He throws himself at Delta and hugs him with all his might, as if it could make up for all those cold, lonely nights heâs endured. As if it could put him back together.
âIâm so sorry,â Rain sniffles into his ear as the otherâs arms come up to hug him back.
They stay like that, clinging to each other for a good while, and Delta hasnât felt as warm in what feels like centuries.
âWant to get out of here? Itâs too cold,â the water ghoul mumbles against the otherâs neck at some point. As the emotional haze fades, they both start feeling awkward.
âSure,â Delta agrees, and they pull back; heâs cold now, too. âWhere do you want to go?â
âMy room?â Rain offers. âItâs cozy and all.â
The other nods, and they get themselves up; Rain makes sure Delta doesnât forget his gift. As theyâre about to walk out of the door, he holds up his mask to put it back on, but he gets stopped mid-way.
âWait, donâtâŚdonât put it back on. Thereâs nobody else around, and you have nothing to hide from me.â
Delta hesitates. Someone could come around the corner any moment. Rain has no way of predicting that. Itâs not safe, itâs notâbut what would happen if he were seen?
Absolutely nothing.
He puts the mask back by his side, only throwing his hood back up; he smiles at Rain crookedly from under it. Oh, how Rainâs chest flutters at that; heâs been waiting to see the other smile.
They walk in silence, except for the rhythmic clank of Deltaâs cane on the Abbeyâs ancient stone, until they reach the Den. There, the older ghoul hesitates once again.
âI havenât been here in ages,â he whispers. Rain understands; he grabs the mask from his left hand and exchanges it for his own, squeezing.
âThereâs nothing to worry about,â he assures before pulling a littleâgently making Delta step inside.
In no time at all, they get to Rainâs room. âHereâs my little cave.â
Delta says nothing, only looks around. Rain doesnât say anything either as the other explores his room, taking in the details and paying attention to every single trinket. Itâs easy to tell he misses having a life of his ownâa proper life.
It hurts Rain more than he can say, and suddenly he gets an idea
âDelta, do youâŚwant to stay here? Spend the night?â he asks quickly, lest he lose the courage. âI donât want you to be alone today.â
âI wouldnât be opposed,â Delta rumbles as he turns back to him.
âIâm glad, then I, uhââ Rain realizes he did not think it through. âI can sleep on the floor, itâs fine ifââ
Delta realizes Rain did not think it through. âNo, I wouldnâtââ
âPlease, I want you toââ
âNo, please take the bed; itâs yours.â
âWellâŚitâs actually big enough for the both of us,â the younger ghoul mumbles, not actually intending to be heard. At least not all the way.
âOh.â Delta blushes slightly; Rain finds it pretty.
He panics, though. âNo, sorry, forget it, Iââ
âActuallyâŚâ the other interrupts him, âI would like that.â
âYouâŚyou would?â
âYes,â Delta smiles, pulling at his scars a little, âvery much. If you do.â
Rain canât help but reciprocate, âAlrightâŚYeah, okay. Iâll set it up.â
He turns to the bed and makes quick work of preparing it for both of themâthough not before locking the door so as not to have anyone barging in and seeing Deltaâwhile Delta puts his mask on Rainâs desk and props his cane up against it. After a quick consideration, he decides to get out of his cassock tooâonly because itâs quite dirty and heâd hate to get that mess into Rainâs perfect nest.
Rainâs perfect nest.
That specific word in his brain makes Delta panic a little; Rain is letting him into his nest. He takes the cassock off before he runs away screaming and goes into hiding until he dies.
Rain hopes Delta doesnât notice the deep blush on his face when he turns around again to see him in just a tank top and a pair of boxersâhe wasnât expecting it, but heâs not complaining. The water ghoul notices the scars all over his left side, but doesnât hang his eyes on them so as not to make the other uncomfortable. With the nest ready, he waves him over and gets in himself. He shrugs off his hoodie and sweatpants and crawls under the covers.
âIs this side okay for you?â Rain asks, settling as far on the opposite side as possible without falling off the bed.
âYes, thank you,â Delta mumbles and gets comfortable under the covers as well. When heâs done, the both of them still and awkwardly wait forâŚneither of them knows what for.
Finally, the older ghoul lets out a breath he didnât know he was holding in and sighs, âGoodnight, Rain.â
âGoodnight, Delta,â he replies and turns off the light.
Isnât it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone
Hello, welcome home
December 25th, 2018
Delta wakes up warm.
Itâs strange; he hasnât woken up warm once in the past two yearsâthe catacombs are cold and humid, and he doesnât have anyone to keep him warm, after all.
He yawns and tenses the muscles of his left leg against the stiffness he always gets in the mornings; he notices thereâs something wrapped around it. Delta hums hoarsely in confusion as he takes a moment to remember the previous day and realize his situation.
Oh, Lucifer.
The ghoul turns his head to look behind himself, but his right eye doesnât reach far enough, as heâs lying on that side. He doesnât need to see to know, though, that Rain is currently spooning himâitâs his tail thatâs wrapped around Deltaâs left leg.
Well, that is certainly a predicament.
How does he get out of it?
More importantly, why is that his first thought?
Delta moves to get out of Rainâs hold, but he only sighs deeply in his sleep and wiggles a little to get more comfortable; also pressing Delta closer to his chest in the process, as if heâs one of his plushies. The older ghoul canât say heâs displeasedâby no means, it feels really fucking good to be held againâitâs just a bitâŚawkward. At best.
And poses a lot of questions that the ghoul does not want to think about right now. Or ever. The only thing he knows now is that a brick or a few must have fallen out of the walls he built around himself, and Rain has slipped in right through the opening.
Delta waits, as there is nothing else for him to do. He doesnât know how long it is before Rain wakes up, but itâs long enough for the older ghoul to let himself enjoy the warmth and hopeâand that is dangerous.
âGood morning,â he says. The other is awake, but not enough to take in his surroundings for now.
âMorninâ,â Rain slurs, and a shiver runs down Deltaâs spine as the vibration of his voice against his back. It gives him whiplash; suddenly itâs 2015 and Alpha is there, holding him as he sleeps and drooling onto the back of his neck.
He needs to get up now.
Rain stretches and Delta uses that opportunity to slip away. He nearly crashes into the wall hornsfirst as he loses balance when he stands on his bad leg, but he gets his hands in front of himself just in time. He sighs and looks back at the otherâRainâs hands are clenched on the sheets and his eyes are still very much closed, but there is now a furrow between his brows.
Deltaâs heart aches; he canât resist the urge to pull one of Rainâs duvets up and cover him properly. He doesnât want him to get cold.
The older ghoul grabs his cane and mask and turns to the door, opting to limp instead of potentially waking Rain up with the noise of his cane on the floor. His hand is already on the knob when he hears a rustle of sheets behind him.
âDelta?â
WellâŚfuck.
âGood morning again,â Delta turns and fakes a smile. Or does he? How much wouldnât he give to be able to wake up next to Rain and hear that adorable sleepy voice every day. Alas. âItâs quite early; you should get back to sleep. Iâm sorry I woke you up.â
âNo, I can get up and,â Rain yawns, âwe can get breakfast?â
âThat would encompass a substantial probability of being perceived by someone other than yourself.â
Rainâs eyes widen a little, and itâs clear heâs making an attempt at understanding the unnecessarily ornate sentence that just came out of Deltaâs mouthâand failing.
âSorry, Iâm stillââ he starts, but it breaks off into a yawn, only supporting the point he was about to make.
âHalf asleep, yes,â Delta finishes for him, chuckling, âyou really should get some more sleep.â
âUh-huh,â Rain mumbles and obediently closes his eyes. When he opens them again an unspecified amount of time later, Delta is nowhere to be seen.
The water ghoul gets up to check if heâs in the bathroom, but the door is open and the inside empty. Sighing, Rain throws himself back onto his bed.
Its wooden frame creaks loudly and groans with a question bouncing around his brain.
What the fuck is he doing?
Oh, lights go down
In the moment, weâre lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
For the rest of our lives
2.6k words ⢠Flashbacks, Mating Bond, Banter, Fluff, Romance, Falling In Love
A glimpse into Deltaâs past, an uncomfortable silence, and the collapse of some walls.
Chapter 1 here, or on AO3 ⢠Playlist
Read chapter 5 below, or on AO3.
October 19th, 2015
The doors of the tour bus slam behind Omega as he climbs inside, groaning in pleasure at the warmth. Itâs not only freezing outside, but itâs pouring rain, and heâs very unhappy about that.
âJeez, someone splash a puddle at you?â Alpha scoffs at him, earning himself a glare.
âIs this you volunteering to do the next snack run?â the quintessence ghoul challenges and points to a few shopping bags at his feet. âHalf of these are for your mate, anyway.â
âWhoops,â Delta giggles from his spot on the couch; nuzzled into Alphaâs side. âI appreciate your sacrifice, Megs.â
âNah,â Alpha waves a hand dismissively, âdonât be such a baby, sparky.â
âYou would be an infinitely bigger baby if we switched places,â Omega notesâwithout exaggerationâas he peels all the wet clothes off of himself. âAnd your face would rust with all the metal in it.â
âNo, I would not, Iâmââ the fire ghoul argues, but gets interrupted by Delta.
âIndeed, you would. Youâre a fire ghoul, you hate water.â
âI donât hate it, I justâŚdislike prolonged exposure,â Alpha counters, âand youâre the exception, of course. You I love, and thatâs why I wouldnât mind nearly as much if it meant keeping you properly stocked up on snacks or whatever else youâd desire.â
âSure, sure,â Delta chuckles, patting him on the chest, but such a reply doesnât exactly satisfy the fire ghoul.
âOh, you want me to prove it to you, baby?â He all but jumps up, hoisting Delta with him while Omega is just looking at them with confusion and exhaustion. âLetâs go then.â
âWhâAlpha, what? Go where, what are you doing!?â Delta laughs as his mate throws a hoodie on him and all but bullies him outside; though heâs right behind him too.
âIdiots,â the quintessence ghoul chuckles under his breath, shaking his head as he watches them disappear outside.
âShit, it really is wet as fuck here,â Alpha grumbles under his breath as they step onto the parking lot, hoping Delta doesnât hear it. Itâs cold, too, and while the water ghoul himself hates that part, having the rain drum on his skin is one of his favorite feelings.
âYou know what, you really are a mystery,â he says, clearly having heard the otherâs remark, âbecause you claim to love certain things being wet on some other occasions.â
âDamn, calling me out like that!? Itâs because itâs closely related to you. Very closely, love.â
Delta laughs, walking up to Alpha. He presses their chests together and wraps his arms around his neckâand shudders at his warmth. âDid you drag me out just to stand here looking like a wet dog?â
âAm I a cute wet dog at least?â the fire ghoul asks.
Delta grins up at him and brings a hand to his face to get the wet strands of hair out of his eyes; some get tangled in his eyebrow piercing. âThe cutest. And mine.â
âThat I amâŚboth, I suppose. What kind of dog though?â
âOh, shut up,â the water ghoul giggles before cupping Alphaâs cheek. âKiss me?â
Smirking, he leans in and fulfills Deltaâs request. As always, Delta revels in the feeling of Alphaâs hot lips and the cold metal of his vertical labret piercing. They tangle their fingers in each otherâs hair and hold the other tight, as if they could disappear any moment.
When they part for breath, Alpha chuckles, âThis is disgustingly romcom of us, isnât it?â
âTrue, there must be a scene like that in every one Terzo watches,â Delta scoffs. âItâs really nice, though.â
Alpha passes over that one; heâs incredibly uncomfortable, but heâs with his water ghoul, so itâs all pushed aside by affection. Especially seeing how happy it makes himâsuch a simple thing, it would seem.
He leans down and buries his face in the crook of Deltaâs neckâhe ignores how itâs just his mateâs attempt at escaping the rain a little. Itâs cute, and he canât help but grin into his hair as they stand there with rain pouring down onto them.
Still, the fire ghoul has his limits.
âOkay, Delta, I really fucking love you, but can we get back inside now? Thereâs water in my CrocsâŚâ he whines, and his tone on top of the footwear remark makes Delta snort out an embarrassing laugh. Alpha shakes his head at him, pretending to be offended, but thereâs nothing but adoration burning in his amber eyes as he looks down at his mateâs radiant face.
âWho would have thought, huh?â Delta teases. âBut I love you, too, and Iâm freezing, so yes, letâs go.â
âDonât tell Omega I started complaining.â
âI really appreciate the gesture, so I will not. This time.â
With one last kiss, Delta pulls away from Alpha, and the moment he does, the real cold gets to him; he immediately starts shivering. They quickly get back inside, and the water ghoul disappears to get out of his wet clothes while his mate waits in the lounge, easily drying himself off.
A minute later, Delta comes back out in pajamas and wrapped up in a blanket, but still shivering.
âOh no, did I accidentally freeze my fishy?â Alpha coos, pouting. âThatâs unfortunate, considering I was just trying to prove my devotion to him.â
âHm, you can prove it even further if you defrost him now,â Delta says as he falls right into the otherâs open arms.
âLike over an open flame or in a microwave orâŚ?â
The water ghoul bursts out laughing. âLike with cuddles, Lord Below!â
âOh? So likeââ Alpha wraps his big arms around him and pulls him all the way into his lap before tucking him against his chest and kicking up his body heat, ââthis?â
âMhmmm,â Delta is purring loudly already, âexactly like this.â
Alpha grins, and his heart aches with the amount of love for Delta heâs got in it. He draws the blanket higher up and tucks it under his mateâs chin to trap the warmth and get him all cozyâit makes the water ghoulâs purrs get even more intense and Alpha canât help but join in with his own.
He rests his head on top of Deltaâs and sighs, âI truly am the happiest ghoul in the whole universe, little fishy.â
âI love you, too, my wildfire.â
But I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun
Somethinâ in the orange tells me weâre not done
October 24th, 2018
Rain has been keeping a slight distance since returning home from tour. Deltaâs words, even if not meant in the way they were interpreted, made the water ghoul realize that heâs wandered too far into the sphere of daydreams. He was hoping for something that was never offered to him, and his disappointment is entirely his own fault.
Now, with all that in mind, he keeps himself in check. He still enjoys Deltaâs company during those rare times they meet, but he doesnât expect to get anything more than the basic perks of having someone to talk to out of it. Just like heâs assuming Delta does.
Still, now that heâs going on the road again, Rain does expect a goodbye, and Delta does intend to say it.
This time the water ghoul planned his packing way better than the last, so he isnât on a tight schedule. He heads to the rehearsal room both to check if Delta is there and because he left one of his straps attached to the bass he practices in there on.
âThe road calls once again. Are you eager, or rather dread having to go?â
As always, hearing Delta out of nowhere makes a shiver run down Rainâs spine; he canât help it. The way he speaks, his accentâan English one, the water ghoul has learned when they played shows thereâhis impeccable choice of words every time, his scratchy, but low voice; all of it.
âThis run is really short,â Rain shrugs as he stands up and turns to face Delta, âand I enjoyed being on stage and all that, so I feel pretty good.â
âGood,â Delta mumbles, disliking the dull response, just as heâs been disliking most of the sentences uttered by Rain in the last weeks. âI do hope you have fun again. Should I find you when you get back?â
âIâll have to ramble about it to somebody,â the water ghoul says, either meaning it as a scoff or a chuckleâheâs not sure himself.
âI will take that as a âyesâ,â the other sighs somewhat sadly. âSee you soon.â
âSee you.â Then once again Delta watches Rain walk away, this time with a crease in his brow.
He can feel something isnât right, but he does not plan on mentioning it anytime soon. Delta may not like it, but while it doesnât matter what made Rain distance himself, heâs doing whatâs good for him. Even if he doesnât realize it, or if it doesnât feel like anything good.
As much as Delta would like them to be friends, they cannot be. And they certainly cannot be anything more than that. He wishes he could explain it to the other and give him a reason to fill the spot currently occupied byâmost likely wrongâassumptions.
Delta made a mistake in revealing himself to Rain. For a long time, heâs been exercising pristine self-control, and in giving in that one single time made it all fall apartâtaking that one step made him unable to resist taking another one, then another.
Delta both does and does not regret it. He likes Rain, and meeting him has made his miserable existence that much more enjoyable. He knows it canât continue, though, and that is why he finds himself wishing he had remained in the shadows.
And the freedom of falling
The feeling I thought was set in stone
It slips through my fingers
Iâm trying hard to let go
December 16th, 2018
Even though, just as Rain predicted, he didnât get too tired on this leg of the tour, he was impatient to get back home. He has discovered he isnât a fan of winterâby farâand while, yes, a Swedish winter is one of the worst ones he could experience as a water ghoul, home means his cozy nest with approximately a million warm blankets and plushies to keep him company. Another thing heâs found a liking to on the road.
So call it silly, but this time Rain was more excited to get back into his bed than anything else. Even including Delta.
Still, he wants to see him, even if only to talk to him about things that he didnât feel like talking about with anybody else. He doesnât hang around outside after getting off of the busâfor obvious reasonsâbut once he leaves his bags in his room and puts on one more sweater, Rain heads back to look for Delta.
Although he doesnât get far outside of the Den beforeâ
âThe bus has barely parked, and he is on the run yet again.â
âIâm not on the run,â Rain laughs, âjust wanted to say hi.â
âHi,â Delta says as he emerges from the shadows with a tilt of his head and a tone not quite like his usual serious one. âWill you go to sleep for a week now?â
âI do plan on using my time off to rest real good,â the water ghoul admits, coming up to the other, âespecially considering how freezing it is, but Iâm not in a rush this time.â
âSpeaking of freezing, actually. If youâre not in a rush, then would you go for a walk outside with me before you sink into your nest? I know you dislike the cold, and so do I, but I would like to show you something.â
âYeah, of course.â Rain nods, feeling a pang of excitement at the mysterious offer. âLet me get dressed and Iâll meet you here?â
âI will be waiting.â
With that, the water ghoul runs back to his room to get more layers onto himself and goes back to Delta just as fast. Itâs getting harder to keep his emotions in check, and he already knows heâll be scolding himself for it later.
Though he supposes he deserves to let himself goâto feelâfor a moment. One evening of freedom from the fortress heâs put himself into surely wonât make it crumble.
âReady?â Delta asks once Rain stands in front of him again. He nods, and the other leads the way. âIâm glad you agreed. You will understand once you see.â
âSee what?â
âThat would ruin the surprise, now, would it not?â Delta chuckles. âHave a little patience and trust.â
Rain grumbles something unintelligible under his breath, but obediently follows the other as he leads him outside through some abandoned corridors. When they finally get outside, itâs behind the Abbey.
âPatience and trust, Rain,â he says with humor, shaking his head. The water ghoul likes the way his name falls off of Deltaâs lips. He comes closer and hovers a hand over the otherâs shoulder. âMay I?â
He nods, and Deltaâs hand lands gently. He pushes lightly to lead Rain further out toward the woods. Somewhere midway they stop, and Delta turns the other around.
Rainâs jaw drops and he canât find any more words to utter as he takes in the sky. He feels as if his chest is going to explode with how much emotion the sight floods him with at this immeasurable beauty.
âThey are called Northern Lights,â Delta explains, giving a name to the burst of light and color above them, âor aurora borealis.â
âThis is justâwoahâŚâ
âI agree,â he hums. Rainâs happiness is making him quite happy as well.
âThank you for showing me.â The water ghoul tears his gaze away from the sky only for a moment when he looks back down at Delta. He notices that the way his eyes look out here makes it seem as if heâs seeing them for the first time. They seem to glow, reflecting the lights, even the milky one.
But then Rain realizes, theyâre not actually reflecting anything.
âThe lights look like your eyes,â he says with the biggest, brightest smile. It makes Delta ache so much, somewhere deep inside; that joy of his.
âYours look likeâŚâ he points at one part of the sky, âthose, there.â
âThis is soâŚso incredible,â Rain laughs as if in disbelief. It probably is disbelief; Delta doubts anyone has actually told the water ghoul much about the wonders of Earth.
âYouâve been here for over a year and you didnât even know about these,â he sighs, âthis world is huge and full of beautiful things, all waiting to be seen. You are just as immortal here as you are in Hell. Donât waste that opportunity like I did.â
âHow could you say you wasted anything if you got to see these?â the water ghoul asks and even though he has no idea what heâs talking about, the sentiment and the way heâs completely hypnotized by the Northern lights make Delta forget about all the other things that enter that equation, too.
âYouâre right, I thinkâŚI think you get fulfilled in a strange way when you see something hauntingly beautiful. Like this; everything else seems so dull in comparison now.â
Except Delta is no longer watching the sky.
And in his captivation, Rain does not realize his fortress has already crumbled.
Iâd give anything to hear you say it one more time
That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes
I think this is a good moment to mention that in my head Delta speaks like Enzo from The Vampire Diaries.
