“My pet elf seems sick, maybe he’s defective?
He seems listless and sleeps more than I do. Another elf comes and brings him a box of food to feed me every day and I have plenty of water and toys, but the pet elf doesn’t want to play, he just wants to sleep.
I hop up on his chest and try to inspire him to get up. I give him moving speeches about how he shouldn’t be down, how wonderful life is. I tell him I want to play and have adventures. It’s a shame elves don’t know how to speak.
Sometimes he puts his hand up when I’m trying to inspire him and he pets me, which feels nice.
Sometimes I take a running start and bunt him right in the face with my forehead, trying to motivate him. I rub my face all over his and purr and all he does is pet me and stay in bed.
If I want to play, I drag my toys up onto his big elf bed and drop them on his chest, and then, only then, does he play.
I wish I could take him to the vet, but, I don’t have an elf carrier, and even if I did, I don’t know how I’d fit him in and move him. I can’t call an elf vet for a house visit because elf vets are too dumb to speak either.”
