It's Time for a Change

IC Blog for Bamerin Silverheart, Paladin Hopeful. (World of Warcraft, Wyrmrest Accord)

[thisishowiadult]

It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed is you.

F. Scott Fitzgerald (via thisishowiadult)

[crumbqueen-deactivated20190526]

[bamsilverheart-blog]

That fourth one. Forget transmog Bam’s getting THAT ONE.

[thecalminside]

Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.

Marcus Aurelius (via thecalminside)

[thecalminside]

The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.

Marcus Aurelius (via thecalminside)

[kailerathien]

Journal Entry

October 14

I have wondered, far too often of late it seems, why it is that I am attracted to those things which are so very… unhealthy for me.  Men, professions, friends, foods…  What is it about the dangerous that makes it so inexplicably attractive?

Certainly I cannot stand alone in this mindset, buried as it seems to be beneath a thick facade of logic and sanity.  And yet…  There are those that seem plenty happy with their loving spouses, working their mundane jobs.

Which begs the question; what is wrong with me?

Belyndrae insisted recently, as I had decided to try my hand at matchmaking (much as I care for Ghost, I do not approve his absentee behavior, given the fresh bloom of their relationship), that she would attempt to find someone to keep my long, cold nights a bit warmer, as it were.  She’s been keeping the company of Blood Knights recently, a friendly enough sort, though with some rather dangerous mindsets, given the power they wield.  And one man in particular, whose name embarrassingly escapes me already, seemed rather taken with me.  Much to my dismay, many of my friends sought to glean his worth with a round of humiliating questions and interrogations, though he apparently passed muster, as Bronvys let him keep all his limbs.  We went out, as a large group; danced and drank and talked.  And as the night came to a close, I realized something was… missing.  I felt nothing but a general sense of good will toward the man.  No attraction.  No spark.  The tinder had been set, but lay cold and forgotten.  Where was the sudden blaze at a single touch?  The uncontrollable surge of heat that threatened to burn bright and hot enough to consume us both?  Where was the subtle darkness that lay behind that smiling gaze?  The inappropriately possessive nature of the hand that came to rest on the small of my back?

We closed the night with a half-hearted promise of dinner, though I’ve no plans of following through.  

Since then, however, I’ve been troubled.  Troubled by my own mind and thoughts.  These things that I desire, they’re… Well, simply put, they’re rather stupid.  Paradoxical to what might eventually be a successful relationship.  I’ve had these things.  I’ve enjoyed them even.  But they never last.  

How can they?  It’s ridiculous to think that the same man with whom I might argue so fiercely that we eventually allow the savage energy to take over in pursuit of more… pleasant endeavors, will be the same who I wake to fifty years from now.  

I feel as though I am sabotaging myself.  Growing infatuated with things that I cannot have or will not last.  Faerthurin, Nikklaus…

Well, the former and I are not even on speaking terms.  Not friendly ones, anyhow.  I can’t even begin to imagine what was happening in his head the night that he said those atrocious things to everyone.  Many argue to let it go, that he was drunk, not in his right mind.  Given the fact that he attempted to kill himself shortly thereafter, I am inclined to agree.  But I am too enraged to allow what feelings of sympathy reside in my heart toward him, free.  How dare he?  He claims that he’s warned everyone he is not a good person.  He is right on that account.  Only a liar of the worst degree would show that charming smile and utter those kind words before promptly tearing free whatever genial mask he’d donned to get close to us all.  His warnings were hardly strong enough, in my opinion.  He’s a villain of the worst sort.  I see him and everything we’d done, all the time we’d spent, comes flooding back and I hate myself for it.  I should’ve seen him for what he was.  I’ve burned all but the bow that he carved for me; I don’t know how the runes will react to such a thing, and I don’t wish to chance the potential damage it might cause.  I even had the door that he repaired, replaced, in a fit of fresh anger.  I’m certain it will only be a matter of time before he returns to that fallen veneer, donning it once more, that the women of Silvermoon might flock to his bed again.  Not I.  I find myself with nothing but contempt, pity and a venomous tongue when it comes to the man now.  Good riddance.

And as for Nikklaus.  I’ve all but given up on that count.  I don’t know what to do with him, and likewise, I don’t know what to do with myself when I am around him.  I worry and care for him, but he seems to be in this destructive cycle…  The other night, for example, I was in his home, cleaning vomit and blood and needles, that it might be safe for his children to return to.  He didn’t want the help, but he didn’t seem able to return to the scene himself, either.  Honestly, I’d been worried I was going to have to assist with the disposal of several bodies.  Why?  Why didn’t I just turn heel and walk away and tell him to deal with his messes himself?  I should have.  His well-being is hardly my responsibility.  I've begun trying to distance myself some.  Pulling away from his familiar touch and sticking to topics of conversation that don’t leave me flushed and curious.  He apologizes every time for making me uncomfortable.  I simply don’t know how to tell him that it’s the opposite.  I find his touch entirely too comfortable.  Which is why it cannot be allowed.

With so much free time on my hands, I’ve taken to pouring over the old books I managed to salvage from our estate on cooking.  I’m a fair hand, but my upbringing allowed for the Lady of the House to oversee servants and nothing more.  I find it rather interesting, though even Dionysus won’t touch some of the things I’ve attempted.  It’s similar to alchemy, though not as precise; the latter causing me no end of difficulty.  How much is a ‘pinch’ exactly?  Still, I’m getting better.  And the apothecary is finally coming together.  I suspect it’ll be ready to open soon.  I’m having some fliers made to place around Silvermoon and Orgrimmar and stocking up on the ever-popular Lust Potion.  I’m still debating if I wish to sell some of my ‘practical joke’ potions, as it were.  The burping coins and sprouting wings.  They would be profitable, no doubt, but not worth the complaints I might be on the receiving end of, I suspect.

Things have settled into a rhythm, for now.  Free of mortal peril and emotional distress.  

We’ll see how long it lasts…

@lantisthepreyingmantis @somecrazyrogue Mentions: @bronvys @belyndrae

[bamsilverheart-blog]

“We closed the night with a half-hearted promise of dinner, though I’ve no plans of following through.”

HAHA! Poor Bam.

[kailerathien]

XD She does like him! She just has terrible taste in men and needs to get over it!! <3

[bamsilverheart-blog]

XD

[notfuckinghydra-blog]

When you and your rp partner do the thing in an rp without considering all the consequences and it all goes to hell

[kailerathien]

Journal Entry

October 14

I have wondered, far too often of late it seems, why it is that I am attracted to those things which are so very… unhealthy for me.  Men, professions, friends, foods…  What is it about the dangerous that makes it so inexplicably attractive?

Certainly I cannot stand alone in this mindset, buried as it seems to be beneath a thick facade of logic and sanity.  And yet…  There are those that seem plenty happy with their loving spouses, working their mundane jobs.

Which begs the question; what is wrong with me?

Belyndrae insisted recently, as I had decided to try my hand at matchmaking (much as I care for Ghost, I do not approve his absentee behavior, given the fresh bloom of their relationship), that she would attempt to find someone to keep my long, cold nights a bit warmer, as it were.  She’s been keeping the company of Blood Knights recently, a friendly enough sort, though with some rather dangerous mindsets, given the power they wield.  And one man in particular, whose name embarrassingly escapes me already, seemed rather taken with me.  Much to my dismay, many of my friends sought to glean his worth with a round of humiliating questions and interrogations, though he apparently passed muster, as Bronvys let him keep all his limbs.  We went out, as a large group; danced and drank and talked.  And as the night came to a close, I realized something was… missing.  I felt nothing but a general sense of good will toward the man.  No attraction.  No spark.  The tinder had been set, but lay cold and forgotten.  Where was the sudden blaze at a single touch?  The uncontrollable surge of heat that threatened to burn bright and hot enough to consume us both?  Where was the subtle darkness that lay behind that smiling gaze?  The inappropriately possessive nature of the hand that came to rest on the small of my back?

We closed the night with a half-hearted promise of dinner, though I’ve no plans of following through.  

Since then, however, I’ve been troubled.  Troubled by my own mind and thoughts.  These things that I desire, they’re… Well, simply put, they’re rather stupid.  Paradoxical to what might eventually be a successful relationship.  I’ve had these things.  I’ve enjoyed them even.  But they never last.  

How can they?  It’s ridiculous to think that the same man with whom I might argue so fiercely that we eventually allow the savage energy to take over in pursuit of more… pleasant endeavors, will be the same who I wake to fifty years from now.  

I feel as though I am sabotaging myself.  Growing infatuated with things that I cannot have or will not last.  Faerthurin, Nikklaus…

Well, the former and I are not even on speaking terms.  Not friendly ones, anyhow.  I can’t even begin to imagine what was happening in his head the night that he said those atrocious things to everyone.  Many argue to let it go, that he was drunk, not in his right mind.  Given the fact that he attempted to kill himself shortly thereafter, I am inclined to agree.  But I am too enraged to allow what feelings of sympathy reside in my heart toward him, free.  How dare he?  He claims that he’s warned everyone he is not a good person.  He is right on that account.  Only a liar of the worst degree would show that charming smile and utter those kind words before promptly tearing free whatever genial mask he’d donned to get close to us all.  His warnings were hardly strong enough, in my opinion.  He’s a villain of the worst sort.  I see him and everything we’d done, all the time we’d spent, comes flooding back and I hate myself for it.  I should’ve seen him for what he was.  I’ve burned all but the bow that he carved for me; I don’t know how the runes will react to such a thing, and I don’t wish to chance the potential damage it might cause.  I even had the door that he repaired, replaced, in a fit of fresh anger.  I’m certain it will only be a matter of time before he returns to that fallen veneer, donning it once more, that the women of Silvermoon might flock to his bed again.  Not I.  I find myself with nothing but contempt, pity and a venomous tongue when it comes to the man now.  Good riddance.

And as for Nikklaus.  I’ve all but given up on that count.  I don’t know what to do with him, and likewise, I don’t know what to do with myself when I am around him.  I worry and care for him, but he seems to be in this destructive cycle…  The other night, for example, I was in his home, cleaning vomit and blood and needles, that it might be safe for his children to return to.  He didn’t want the help, but he didn’t seem able to return to the scene himself, either.  Honestly, I’d been worried I was going to have to assist with the disposal of several bodies.  Why?  Why didn’t I just turn heel and walk away and tell him to deal with his messes himself?  I should have.  His well-being is hardly my responsibility.  I've begun trying to distance myself some.  Pulling away from his familiar touch and sticking to topics of conversation that don’t leave me flushed and curious.  He apologizes every time for making me uncomfortable.  I simply don’t know how to tell him that it’s the opposite.  I find his touch entirely too comfortable.  Which is why it cannot be allowed.

With so much free time on my hands, I’ve taken to pouring over the old books I managed to salvage from our estate on cooking.  I’m a fair hand, but my upbringing allowed for the Lady of the House to oversee servants and nothing more.  I find it rather interesting, though even Dionysus won’t touch some of the things I’ve attempted.  It’s similar to alchemy, though not as precise; the latter causing me no end of difficulty.  How much is a ‘pinch’ exactly?  Still, I’m getting better.  And the apothecary is finally coming together.  I suspect it’ll be ready to open soon.  I’m having some fliers made to place around Silvermoon and Orgrimmar and stocking up on the ever-popular Lust Potion.  I’m still debating if I wish to sell some of my ‘practical joke’ potions, as it were.  The burping coins and sprouting wings.  They would be profitable, no doubt, but not worth the complaints I might be on the receiving end of, I suspect.

Things have settled into a rhythm, for now.  Free of mortal peril and emotional distress.  

We’ll see how long it lasts…

@lantisthepreyingmantis @somecrazyrogue Mentions: @bronvys @belyndrae

[bamsilverheart-blog]

“We closed the night with a half-hearted promise of dinner, though I’ve no plans of following through.”

HAHA! Poor Bam.

[bamsilverheart-blog]

OOC: Theme song

Ok so, I’ve been mulling over the idea of having a “theme song” for Bam, even though such a thing would be silly. “I Need a Hero” by Bonnie Tyler keeps popping up.

Totally not happening, but still!

[xcloudbreaker]

MFW When your student thinks he’s Hercules. 

[bamsilverheart-blog]

IM AN ACTION FIGURE!

....*squeak squeak*

[bamsilverheart-blog]

OOC: Theme song

Ok so, I’ve been mulling over the idea of having a “theme song” for Bam, even though such a thing would be silly. “I Need a Hero” by Bonnie Tyler keeps popping up.

Totally not happening, but still!

[bamsilverheart-blog]

The Journal: Second Entry

I write this entry within the walls surrounding Light’s Hope Chapel. I, along with Knight-Masters Xaereth and Valestia Cloudbreaker, have taken a pilgrimage. The last stop on our voyage will be the Tomb of the Lightbringer.

I am grateful to my companions for accompanying me. At first the idea of making my way alone through the Plaguelands seemed logical, but their present company makes what I have seen today bearable. These lands reek of the plague, the wildlife tainted. Mushrooms by the side of the road ooze foul liquids and the very trees are twisted dead things. There was a broken oak near a crossroad that wore a tortured face. Valestia said that some trees are more alive than others, and that this one died screaming.

I have never been outside of Quel’thalas. I have seen the Dead Scar and thought it a horrid sight. It pales in comparison to the damage the Scourge has wrought in the Plaguelands. There is simply so much corruption. Even the sight of the Ebon Hold, the home of Death Knights, did little to console me. Instead it made me wish to nudge my charger further along the path.

The countryside does bear some signs of healing. The towers of the Argent Crusade stand as beacons against the darkness, the green hills a testament to the strength of the Light. I wish them luck, along with Cenarion Circle in cleansing the land. It seems an arduous task.

When we road into Light’s Hope I felt a peace I hadn’t felt since our travels began. The holy Light permeates the very soil I now stand on. It is a comfort to be sure. But even here I see the tombstones of fallen heroes and paladins. It reminds me that the path I have chosen to walk is not an easy one. Many have given their lives to the cause and perhaps one day I may fall in service. I can only hope that when the time comes, I am buried here.

To end this, I must make mention that the closer I am to the Tomb, the more I worry about my reasons for coming. I seek it in hopes of finding peace in my own mind. Surely the resting place of Uther can help me sort my doubts, my fears. But I feel unworthy.

Perhaps I do not deserve to stand before the grave of such a man.

[wyrmguardsecrets]

There is a conspiracy among the Blood Knights to infect everyone with a kitten pet. But I know. I will not be swayed by fur and little cute noises. I will stand against this aggression, for the good of Azeroth!

[jaypyreanor]

Haha! You cannot stop the Holy Order of the Sacred Feline! The young knights will learn qualities like responsibility, caring, compassion, patience, and respect for all creatures. Pet cats will help make them better people.

The order needs a generation that does not continue to sew seeds of discontent towards the order in the civilian population.

You cannot stop change, and change is now.

Besides, we Sin'dorei are not unlike fancy cats with great hair, hot bodies, and some fashion sense. Our ears are arguably expressive and I know a few who hiss. We should take care of our unevolved kin.

[worst-paladin-ever]

I, Queen Wiggles, rightful ruler of the realms of Azeroth and Draenor, approve of this proposal.

Ahem. I mean… Yes, we should take better care of my feline friends and cousins.

*inky cat pawprint*

[xgcchocobo]

ALL HAIL QUEEN WIGGLES!

[xcloudbreaker]

I, for one, will stand firm against this feline infiltration of our sacred Order. We will not allow the furred tyrants to influence our minds. 

[xgcchocobo]

You cannot stand against the overlo– The Light!

[bamsilverheart-blog]

I, Bamerin Silverheart, will never cowtow to these four legged fiends! Hey- hey! Don’t you give me that look! I’m not feeding you little monsters any treats. Get away from me! THE CLAWS, LIGHT BE THE CLAWS! AAAAAAAAAAGH

[wyrmguardsecrets]

"Excuse me. Do you have a moment to talk about HONOR?!"

[thesilvermoonorphanage-archive]

((We realize there are other things going on that night, but really this was the best time for all of us involved. We hope you can stop by, even if only for a short time.))

[golden-phoenix-smc]

(( Yay! I can’t wait to start drawing some spooky things for people to eat! XD ))

[bamsilverheart-blog]

There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.

Jane Austen,  Northanger Abbey          

[bamsilverheart-blog]

OOC: Transmog Struggle

Recently I've been looking more and more into transmog ideas. Valestia was awesome enough to find a transmog for Bam that I'll most likely be using for whenever Bam makes Adept status. However, with any promotions after that I've been trying to find something that fits Bam as a character and there are just so many things to choose from. I've been trying to focus on weapons and found out that Vanilla wow had a bunch of cool named weapons ((other expansions have this too but less in the way of them being quest rewards)). The one I've been most drawn to is Quel'Serrar, a high borne weapon that dropped from a quest in Dire Maul, but since Onyxia's revamp now drops from her. I like how it looks, the cool enchanted effect and how honking big the blade is. I've been trying to find a set that incorporates Argent Dawn/ Silver hand motifs but also works with the blade. However nothing seems to work. If anyone can point me to a great transmog resource besides Mogit, it would be appreciated.

[bamsilverheart-blog]

“I’ve earned everything since I got here! I bled for it!“- Bamerin