Just Me Nothing More, Nothing Less

[pickled-parker]

As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder I always feel like the world is out to get me, like the whole game is rigged. No matter how many times you tell me that “you love me” or that “you want to be with me” by brain will always tell me that I’m unlovable and tainted.

It’s hard being so incredibly happy for 20 minutes, then all of a sudden, be really depressed for days on end. I wish I was just depressed the whole time so I wouldn’t know how wonderful it is to be happy and have to miss it. My depression isn’t due to laziness or lack of trying on my part, trust me, I’ve been working on this for years.

When I’m in one of those periods of severe depression, it’s like I’m in a hole filled with black tar. Nothing can reach me, I can’t get out. Even if someone tries to lower a hand down to help, I can’t get out because the tar pulls me back down.

I know people say it gets better over time, I’m just sick of waiting at this point. I lost my childhood to my anxiety and depression. Instead of playing with friends afterschool when I was a kid, I would go to doctors and therapists for treatment and testing. You know it’s bad when you’re better friends with your nurse than with the kids in your class.

I know this all sounds random, I’m sorry for that. I’m just in one of those depressed states right now and I feel really alone. Being able to write down how I feel is a very important coping mechanism for me. We’re half way through day 2 of this prolonged depressed state, hopefully it won’t last much longer.

[myneurodiversity]

Distress tolerance Slideshow

Click for epic DBT slideshow - 

Keep reading

[bpd-hellfire]

the bpd Void emotion rb if you agree

[justtryingtabreathe-blog]

I don't know if this a common thing for people with BPD but do you ever get bored in you relationships? I feel like the only reason I'm still in my current relationship is because I don't want her to be with anyone else. One day we were cuddling and it felt like my feelings just stopped. I just got bored.

[yesbpdbabe-deactivated20210115]

infants lack something known as object permanence. what this means is that they do not have the ability to understand that something still exists when it is out of their line of vision. this is why they like peek-a-boo, because to them you really do disappear when you cover your face with your hands. now, individuals with borderline personality disorder experience emotional impermanence, which follows the same basic idea that if someone is not actively at that moment validating you and paying attention to you, then they don’t care about you. in the same way that when an infant cries when it drops its security blanket, assuming it has disappeared forever, people with bpd feel panicked when they cannot feel or have tangible proof that a person still cares. they may assume that because you aren’t paying attention to them or saying you love them in that moment, the reassuring things you’ve said and feelings you’ve displayed previously have disappeared permanently. this stems from our fear of abandonment. every move made is analyzed, our brain constantly asking ‘is this a sign that they’re going to leave? they haven’t answered in three minutes, are they never going to answer again? is there someone better? do they hate me?’ and the progression of thoughts spirals downward rapidly. our brains are something like a paranoid sherlock holmes. everything is a clue leading to abandonment. this makes it EXTREMELY difficult for people with bpd to maintain relationships. no matter what lengths you go to reassure us, there’s almost always a small part that the minute it’s over feels like it didn’t happen, or it wasn’t genuine. it’s not to say that your efforts aren’t appreciated!! of course they are. but it’s hard for us to cling to them as reminders after the fact. and reassurance can be a double edged sword. there’s comfort in being reminded, but then we may also fear that we manipulated you into reassuring us, or that you didn’t mean it and only said it because you knew we wanted to hear it, or you felt you had to. emotional impermanence is a longtime struggle, and as real as it feels to us, we often do understand that our fears are irrational. our emotional impermanence and insecurity generally have an internal loci of focus. that is to say, it’s based on ourselves and our cognitions, not you or your actions. and with saying that it’s internally based, not externally, it can be difficult to understand how we can already have forgotten you love us, or already believe your feelings toward us have radically shifted in the 5 minutes since you expressed appreciation. as difficult as it may be to understand though, and as irrational as it may be, these feelings are very very real to us. work with us, listen to us, reassure us when you’re able to. for most people, emotional permanence, to at least some degree, is a given. to us, it can feel like a myth.

[shoppingstars]

i think one of the worst feelings ever is when you spend all day feeling like you will lose control. it suffocates you. it makes you think you can’t breathe.

[houseof1000lampshades]

Bpd is more than you know

People only ever seem to talk about the aspects of bpd that have to do with being “forever alone” No one ever talks about getting sick of the people you love for no reason and spending ever night hating yourself and every waking day punishing yourself for it. No one ever talks about the intense anger we feel over the smallest little things and how we beat ourselves up over that too. NO ONE ever talks about how we get sick of our interests so easily and go from band to band, person to person, style to style, and how much that stresses us out. No one ever talks about how we go from needing sex every second to getting sick at the thought of it. And how our sexualities can change in the matter of seconds. No one talks about the little things you get with bpd that make you feel like the world is collapsing around you. “I’m sick of wearing black all the time and even THAT makes me want to kill myself.”

(If you reblog this i encourage you to add to it)

[castielfucks]

fun bpd things: because you have emotional impermanence you feel like everybody else has emotional impermanence and could suddenly stop liking you at any time so you exhaust yourself by constantly trying to re-earn everyone’s love and friendship

[garfdied]

does anyone else start to get violently self-destructive when they’re bored? like “oh i wonder how much vodka i can chug in one go without stopping” or “i wonder how many days in a row i can last without sleeping and eating” 

[xfucktrump]

Perks of BPD

• unpredictable as hell

• obsessing over new obsession brings the literal Joy™

• what is stable

• lots of super cool meds B-)

• depression becomes The Great Depression

• i love my fp i need them in order to breath

• i love nothing, i need nothing,,

• needing no sleep

• needing all the sleep

• we dont feel the emotion, we are the emotion

• discovering Today’s Personality™

• i am the most flawless being

• i want this mirror out n goNE NOW

• this current emotion is the only emotion

• disassociated so im only physically here rn please don’t try to make me speak

• we can choose to not actually hear you

• its 5 am but im not tired ????

[borderlinebabyjesus]

okay but can we talk more about that Borderline Despair, and the physical ache that comes with it??? That distress you can literally feel in your bones when your emotions become so intense you don’t know how your body even has the capacity to hold them. not having the energy to get up but staying in bed and letting it fester is almost worst. it’s so incredibly debilitating.

[dinahs-whiskers-blog]

If you don't have BPD...

You have no idea what it’s like to PHYSICALLY feel your thoughts eating away at you. My head literally aches all the time because I have zero control over my thoughts or my mood swings.

It takes everything in me not to lash out at those I love. Those I know who would be better off without me in their lives, but my fear of abandonment has made me so selfish and I cannot bare the thought of them not being around, so my mask is always on. I can never fully be my true self. And it hurts, it hurts so much and I’m so fucking tired. I’m so tired of the extreme thinking. I’m tired of never being enough. I’m tired of being ecstatic one minute and suicidal the next. I’m tired of overthinking and overanalysing EVERYTHING. I’m tired of the unpredictability and impulsiveness that comes with this shitty disorder. I’m tired of not actually being vacant for pockets of time in my day.

I hate being so dependent and I hate that I know I am? I hate that I’m incredibly self aware and I can see what my illness does to those around me. I hate being a burden.

I did not ask for this. I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS. And I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I am in chronic pain. The nightmare is constant and it’s never ending.

[evishares]

…after seeing tons of guides wich help people to handle mutuals with autism, depression, etc i noticed, that among all mental illnesses wich people arent aware of enough, this one is missing.

I tried to squeeze a lot of info together… well I hope it’s helpful to some. :) Feel free to share or even shoot questions at me, if you want. :)

[sad93girl]

a fun bpd thing:

me: *feels nothing* something emotionally triggering: *happens* me: *feels nothing with a higher heart rate*

[bpdlavender]

so you split on your fp... now what?

I made this simple help sheet for what steps to take when splitting! I hope it helps at least someone out there.

[transhumanisticpanspermia]

the dopest thing about horses is that they’re basically grass engines

like, grass goes in, fast comes out

most things that produce fast (like cheetahs, and cars) use much more heavily processed grass, like horses, and oil

and yet here horses are, producing The Fast with only The Grass

[dreg-heap]

Are you ok

[fate12343-deactivated20240505]

This is gonna get to many notes, and im so sorry for each and every one of you