JuupiterFig

she/they Asian | Queer the romantic idealist - More Info -

[eastofshane]

supporting the shane as snoopy agenda

[ilya as woodstock], [ilya as woodstock pt. 2]

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

[jojogieriz]

Gift for a friend !!

[czernyfanclub]

There are no bargains between lions and men. I will kill you and eat you raw.

[juupiterfig]

Dear queer young asian (me),

I wish I could tell young Asian, queer closeted me that I am not alone.

From the time I understood what being gay meant, I had thought, ‘well, why not?’ It had never made sense to me that I would be straight. And yet, throughout my adolescence, in my insular, traditional community, I knew that this was something I could not say aloud.

Growing up, none of my friends were gay (that I knew of), and being that most of my friend circle did not date in high school, I fortunately did not have to pretend to be explicitly straight.

Of course, as I got older, and entered university, and then post graduate studies, it got harder and harder to avoid the pestering questions of older Asian relatives. The ever dreaded, “Do you have a boyfriend yet?”

Fortunately, again, I had the winning response that could get me out of most of these accosts, “no, I’m too busy studying”.

Yet, while these excuses bought me temporary relief, the subconscious anxiety of my inevitable future only weighed on me further. Ever the empath, the people pleaser, I tried to convince myself that things would work out. But despite my stellar performance in so many other areas of my life, this was one I could never manage to achieve.

Perhaps it was this hole, this festering, unsalvageable wound, that drove me to patch up my veneer, so that my agreeable personality, my scintillating accomplishments, could act as an impenetrable defense to my unspeakable vulnerability.

There is so much more I want to say, so much that I have experienced and fought for in the last ten years, that I hope to share with young me. I still don’t have everything figured out, but I hope I can take the time to gradually pen my reflections and growth for you.

[ginger-by-the-sea]

[lady-forest]

"these flowers suit your hair so well"

[juupiterfig]

On my second reread of this book I really wanted to make notes of all the passages that resonated with me. I couldn’t bring myself to write directly on my copy so I chose to use up old sticky notes that I never finished from school. The Song of Achilles is full of so many beautiful lines! I keep wanting to cry with joy and grief.

[juupiterfig]

Achilles’ repression of grief?

Thinking about The Song of Achilles (again), I was ruminating over why Achilles had allowed himself to become so blinded by his pride to the point where Patroclus could barely recognize the man he had loved since boyhood.

This is purely my speculation, but when we read the book through Patroclus’ eyes, it’s easy for us to become consumed with grief and heartache over Achilles’ prophesied death. These are all the feelings that Patroclus shares with us and the tragedy is so viscerally apparent.

But I don’t really think we see much of Achilles’ grief at all. In fact, I’m not certain Achilles spends much time being aware of it. From the moment that young (and reckless) Achilles had chosen the path of glory over obscurity, it was the beginning of his path toward death. I wonder whether his revelry in his ruthless conquests was his way of drowning out his sorrows.

I wonder whether it was much easier to willfully blind himself with continuous fame, power, and victory, than to ponder on the fear of his own inevitable mortality.

It’s tragic how he could neither see nor share in Patroclus’ sadness. Perhaps Achilles was so afraid of losing the luster of godhood that had first made Patroclus aware of him, that he could not appreciate his humanity that had made Patroclus truly love him.

[juupiterfig]

Anxiety

The feeling of fatigue

Bone deep

At 3 AM

Ante Meridiem

Anxious Mess

Fear of impending dawn

Each second a failure

Each minute a loss

Each hour beckoning

Dreaded morning

Chest tight

Breath thin

Mind aflight

Nonsensical din

Just let me sleep.

[thefangirlphenomenon]

Books are a special kind of poison. They soothe every ache inside of you while making you long for things that don't exist. They make you feel alive while simultaneously making life seem more and more dull with every page you read. Reading makes you feel less alone and yet it creates an ache for companionship - the likes of which you will never know outside of those pages.

Books are a poison I wish I had never drunk, but now that I have - it's the one thing keeping me alive.

[juupiterfig]

This is so true!

I also feel that with every book, every new idea, every new feeling, I become more awake. My eyes are now opened to a world I never knew existed. While sometimes this world feels like it’s too good to be true, or sometimes too harrowing as to leave a gash in my soul, I don’t want to go back to the benighted world where I used to be content but ignorant.

[juupiterfig]

A Fitting Companion

As I’m getting to the part where Patroclus and Achilles are first taken in by Chiron, I was thinking about how Chiron stated that he could read a man better than Thetis.

While Thetis had given orders to forbid Patroclus from following Achilles up the mountain, Chiron had respected Achilles’ wishes.

I think he is able to see the reasons why Achilles believes Patroclus to be a fitting companion even without Achilles having to spell it out. In the short time that Chiron has observed them, I think Patroclus has proven himself to be loyal (his pursuit up the mountain was no small feat), genuine (he is sincere and not boastful), and brave (he was intimidated by Chiron and is definitely afraid of Thetis, but he still stands by Achilles).

Chiron is wise and notices these traits even before their first day is over.

[juupiterfig]

It doesn't matter whether or not Achilles and Patroclus were "lovers".

When I say this, I mean in the sense of whether they were sexual lovers. There's so much debate in modern interpretation about whether or not Patroclus and Achilles were platonic friends or romantic partners, but I think in some of the desperation surrounding rooting through ancient texts for proof of whether they were homosexual or not, we lose the real essence and beauty of their relationship.

I don't think it really matters whether or not Patroclus and Achilles were sexual lovers. Whether or not they were intimate in that way does not change the depth and extent to which they cared for each other.

I can only speak from the perspective of one homosexual person, but I don't think the peak of true love needs to be measured in terms of sexual intimacy. Regardless of whether or not they had sex, Patroclus is Achilles' poly philtatos, the most loved by far.

At the end of the day, the reason there is contention regarding the nature of their relationship is because Homer did not explicitly describe in The Iliad whether there is a sexual aspect to their relationship. However, their story is just a legend and anyone can interpret their relationship in any way that suits them. I think it's beautiful just the way The Iliad described them to be. Their love is clear and it is deeper than life and the will of gods.

If there was a sexual component, I think it's only another way by which they could have shown their love for each other. It would neither exalt their relationship any further, nor could it ever diminish it. They are already the epitome of true love.

[juupiterfig]

The way Patroclus describes Achilles is so beautiful and vivid:

“Beneath his poise and stillness was another face, full of mischief and faceted like a gem, catching the light.”

“When he smiled, the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled like a leaf held to flame.”

Patroclus’ descriptions are so lyrical, it’s as though he were singing a song of Achilles.

[juupiterfig]

What I noticed on rereading The Song of Achilles

is that Achilles is into bad boys (/j but not really). Because when you look at their first meetings, you realize that this is essentially the first impression that Patroclus makes:

1) standoffish loner guy

2) rumoured to have killed a man

3) proceeds to be truant from his lessons and then tells Achilles, the prince, to lie for him.

Achilles likes a rebel I tell ya.

[kyotospartyart]

Connected through our sins

[juupiterfig]

The Rain

It shields us From the rest of the world. The pitter patter Sounds like a drum Drowning out Everything else. I can only taste The sweet petrichor Of your lips As they touch mine. I’m wet, But not cold.

[juupiterfig]

There’s something so beautiful and endearing about Patroclus’ humbleness. Perhaps his self esteem had been low in his childhood, but as he came into adulthood and remained able to stay by Achilles’ side, I think he was able to appreciate some of his own abilities. Yet he wasn’t narcissistic about it.

He was always able to observe and appreciate the strengths of other people around him which grounded him when it came to admiring his own skills. His qualities shine without him needing to draw deliberate attention to it.

A question that I’ve seen wondered about in fandom is what Achilles liked about Patroclus, since we don’t get to see his perspective the same way that we get to see why Patroclus admired Achilles. I’d like to think that in some way we do get to see Achilles’ perspective— rather, we are getting to experience it for ourselves.

Even without Patroclus needing to praise himself, we are able to see his salient qualities and admire him for the way he behaves, thinks, cares, and loves. I’d like to think that Achilles was able to appreciate these very same things and perhaps even more so because Patroclus’ strengths are so complementary to his own.