What was that all about?
[explaining my accounts disappearing then reappearing over the past weeks + why some content is now gone]
For the past few weeks I've been struggling extremely in my real life and online which caused me to impulsively quit on alot of platforms and take down/clear alot of my content + other things. Some people who've known me online for years may be familiar with me doing that
alot.
I'm really sorry to anyone who was confused by what happened.
Real life, it's very personal so I'm not comfortable enough to go to deeply into it here.
Online however, some people I talked and interacted with on discord/youtube very frequently had been revealed to be doing/saying some horrible stuff to others. Despite having zero involvement in the problem itself, my mind warped that into me being a horrible person by association and that someone will come after me for it, making me hide away out of fear.
Due to these things happening all at once, I ended up spiralling and being very paranoid towards literally everything. I was also hyperanalysing everything I've ever said and done (at least what I could remember), ruminating on dumb stuff I did growing up and worrying about things I've never even done. I've always had this problem but this time it felt alot worse than usual.
Being online in that state was triggering those thoughts and actions way too much. I was very close to going MIA immediately and not looking back ever as my mind kept telling me I didn't deserve the friendships I made and the audience I'd garnered online.
Funnily enough, what snapped me out of everything recently was a rekkit animation I saw someone make. It reminded me of one of the things that makes me really happy, seeing other people do stuff for it makes me happy too.
It makes me want to keep going.
I would love to get back into posting at some point, there's stuff I've been doing that I need to update, alot of stuff I want to show. Some of my favorite shows/games have new stuff i really wanna talk about too.
I'll try to restart my accounts (maaaybe not twitter. twitter bums me out even when I'm feeling normal) and get back into posting, but very irregularly until I'm back on my own two feet. So like usual.