How to Cross the Road in Phnom Penh – an Easy-to-Follow Guide for Hapless Foreigners
“But I’m an adult!” I hear you cry, “I don’t need to be told how to cross the road!” Your indignation isn’t lost on me, fellow traveler, but this ain’t your schoolyard cross-walk. This is South-East Asia, the in-your-face home of all things loud, exciting and dangerous. Heading to this part of the world for travel or work? Then you’ll need to learn to waltz through a daily moto-bike migration, a never-ending stampede that keeps cities like Phnom Penh and Sihanoukville bustling 24 hours a day. Think you can make like a chicken, one that crosses the road in one piece? You can do it, brave traveler, but you’ll need some help.
Crossing a busy road anywhere in the tropical sub-continent is no easy feat, and for new-comers to South-East Asia’s vibrant main cities, it can be a downright terrifying experience. If you don’t have a seasoned traveler to walk you through it the first time, you may find yourself losing your nerve and sweating along labyrinthine side-streets in the tropical heat just to avoid a busy main road, only to end up wandering full-circle. Cambodia is a place of excitement and freedom, and it has a road-safety record to match. Were you taught as a child that green, yellow and red do not all mean *FULL SPEED AHEAD!!!*? Well, at least you come from a country with street lights. Prepare yourself to enter a world of roaring, honking, and (very) near misses.
At busy times of day, the roads of South East Asia are host to a never-ending stampede of moto bikes, road bikes, dirt bikes, bicycle bikes, tuk-tuks, coconut sellers, food vendors, stray dogs, squished rats, and the occasional strung-out backpacker. Tourism has helped the local economy flourish in recent years, so the roads of major cities are now also host to an increasing number of relatively massive trucks, cars and SUVs. You can even spot the occasional out-of-place Escalade and other fancy imports, a definite luxury in this developing nation. Traditional city planning wasn’t necessarily meant to accommodate these larger vehicles, however, so the roads can feel a bit congested in their wake. Traffic generally flows along the road in the same direction, but nothing in South-East Asia is written in stone. What people in the West might call the gutter (or somewhere to put a side-walk), here is basically a no-man's land where motorbikes and cyclists can drive head-on against traffic. This is a place of wild freedom, and no one is going to punish a motorbike for driving the "wrong way". Within the flow of traffic, lanes and turning signals aren't really a big deal either, so drivers can pretty much weave and swerve wherever they want. So don’t be surprised – speeding vehicles can and will pop out at you from every possible direction. And during rainy season, flash monsoons might have you crossing through all of this in flood water a foot deep.
Time to throw out all the “road rules” you learned when you were six. This isn’t the time to rely on stop signs or traffic lights: you’re going to have to make your own way across this wild tuk-tuk hurricane. Stand firm, courageous traveler. Use this lawlessness to your advantage. Here are some pointers to guide you across the rebellious motorbike tornado of a large 3rd world street.
#1. Avoid fancy-looking SUVs.
These cars are owned by Cambodia's exclusive but steadily-growing elite class. These people are richer and better than you, and are probably on their cell phone. Unless you want to end up decorating the bottom of a Range Rover, you might want to avoid these glamorous vehicles and let them pass. Fancy SUVs automatically get the right of way.
#2. Don't bother waiting for a pause in traffic. There won't be one.
Want to stand awkwardly on a street corner all afternoon getting yelled at by tuk-tuk drivers? No, you don’t. Traffic isn't going to stop for you no matter how long you wait, just accept it. Pick yourself up and act confident, you're going to make it across this road on your own. Chin up traveller! Wait just long enough to make sure isn’t an enormous Lexus barreling towards you, and proceed to #3.
#3. Ignore everything your mother told you and walk straight into traffic.
Walk slowly and calmly at the traffic. Yes, AT the traffic. Just go for it. Make aggressive eye contact with every motorist heading towards you, and hope they'll make room for you as you make your way to the other side. Would you intentionally run down a pedestrian in your home country? Hopefully not, and hopefully your friendly neighborhood minibus driver won’t either. Cross your fingers for good luck, you might need it.
Do NOT play a game of stop and go with every motorbike headed your way. You will die. Probably. Keep your head up and walk slowly and confidently in a straight line to the other side. Drivers will use common sense and figure out which side of you to pass on based on their speed and distance from you. This obviously isn't a precise mathematical calculation, but it works. Usually. Hope they have good depth perception!
#5. If absolutely necessary, pause briefly in the middle where the traffic changes directions.
If, for example, an aforementioned luxury SUV comes snarling down the road just as you reach the half way point, it might be in your best interest to take a tiny breather before finishing your cross. If you're super lucky, there might be some sort of physical divider there to give you a false sense of safety, but let's be honest, there probably won't be. Repeat steps #1 to #5 for the second half of the road, and hopefully you won’t end up like the chicken. Or the rat.
#6. Take a deep breath once you make it across.
You made it! Welcome to the other side. Good luck to you brave traveler! No lack of civic order shall bar your wayward path ever again. Meander on!
Why did the chicken cross the road? We’ll never know. It only got half way before being swept away in a sea of roaring motorbikes, honking tuk-tuks and overflowing minivans. Don’t be a chicken! Follow this guide and you are certain to achieve road-crossing success in Cambodia, the Kingdom of Wonder.
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