mariana

₊˚ʚ ᗢ bambola solitaria ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

[ditzyteengirl-deactivated202408]

[k0keta]

I want to be the standard pretty, the pretty girl next door, a fantasy, just so my obssesion could be seen as something cute and attractive not as a pathetic cry for help.

[k0keta]

One summer, I promise thee, I will fix my shortcomings and be deemed as a perfect girl of your dreams. I will delete myself from reality, one summer day, just so I could better myself and make you finally stay.

[k0keta]

Every time, at that time of month, I am reminded of the cycle that will repeat for 3 more decades. Pain and suffering I must endore until I am deemed old, ugly and irrelevant by the rest of society. In this world, as a woman, you will only live in agony and shame.

[k0keta]

As a woman in this world, you will never win.

[metamorphesque]

“Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again, and interesting, and modern.”

— Frank O’Hara, Mayakovsky

[k0keta]

I'm cursed. In relationships either I don't have any feelings or the other person doesn't. When will I get to love mutually.

[metamorphesque]

— 34 excuses for why we failed at love, Warsan Shire

[coneyisl3nd]

[k0keta]

all i ask for

[k0keta]

I wish he sees me as my own. I dont want to be the healing copy of the past.

[k0keta]

It's humiliating when someone points out a flaw you're well aware of but refuse to admit.

[k0keta]

Why am I crying once more when the deep winter sorrow is finally left for the year?

Shouldn't my melancholy be seasonal?

Shouldn't I be pleased in this environment?

Am I trying to get your attention?

Is it only that I have a weak heart?

[k0keta]

I have loved many people and searched for love throughout the years, encouraging others to wait for it to come along instead of chasing after it. Thoughts like "Will I ever love normally?" and "Will I ever be loved truly?" as well as "Does that person even exist or am I just an extra puzzle piece" are all that it left me with.

[hamoodmood-deactivated20250309]

[k0keta]

I felt as if something had exploded in my stomach, a pomegranate, as if it was trying to come out of my throat but was stuck.

[k0keta]

my sense of eternity had been taken away too young.

is that the reason my gentle heart is stained like this?

[k0keta]

Would you protect me at night from the monsters that hide away in the closet and mirrors? Would you hug me tight when I cry, darling? Would you make my droopy melancholic eyes squint caused by the wide smile spreading across my cheeks? I’m gentle as a dove and angry as a bear, perfectly unstable, please protect me my love.