//ks

[k5ine]

december 18, 2017.

lake havasu, arizona.

the desert felt too quiet for what was about to happen.

like the world was holding its breath.

i remember the hospital lights being too bright,

like they were trying to make something sacred feel clinical.

machines humming, nurses moving like it was just another shift.

but to me it felt like standing at the edge of something infinite.

i didn’t know what to do with my hands.

didn’t know where to look.

i just knew everything was about to change and there was no way to prepare for it.

and then it started.

time got weird.

stretched out.

collapsed in on itself.

pain in the room but also something bigger than pain.

something ancient.

like every version of life before us was watching.

and then she was there.

no dramatic pause, no perfect soundtrack,

just this raw, undeniable moment where a whole human being entered the world

and somehow she was mine.

i remember the sound she made.

not even crying at first, just existing.

and it hit me all at once

this is real.

this is my daughter.

everything i thought mattered before just didn’t anymore.

all the noise, all the chaos, all the versions of me i used to be gone.

i’d seen a lot of things in my life by then.

some beautiful, some ugly, some i wish i could forget.

but nothing nothing

compared to that moment.

watching her be born wasn’t just beautiful.

it was terrifying in the best way.

like being handed a reason to live that you didn’t even know you were missing.

the desert was still out there when we left.

same sun, same sky, same empty roads.

but i wasn’t the same.

because now she existed.

and that meant everything did.

[k5ine]

i was high on xanax going through my first real breakup in charles village while baltimore cracked open around me.

the riots had started or no the protests, the uprisings, the reckoning. depending who you asked.

i was 26 and felt like the world was ending both inside and outside of me.

she left me on a wednesday, i think.

by friday, police cars were burning downtown.

by sunday, helicopters throbbed overhead like angry gods.

i walked to the 7-Eleven with a hoodie up and no destination, just that soft pharmaceutical numbness in my chest like packing peanuts instead of lungs.

no one tells you heartbreak feels like a concussion.

like someone hit you in the head but also took your bones.

i remember the CVS on North & Penn going up in flames on the TV while i texted her “please just call me.”

she didn’t.

sirens howled.

my hands were shaking.

charles village was quiet, like it didn’t know what to do with itself. kids with signs wandered up St. Paul Street, shouting through megaphones and pain. and i sat in my little apartment, watching the city fight for its life while i couldn’t even get out of bed.

everyone said it was about freddie gray.

and it was.

but it was also about every time no one listened.

i think that’s why it hit so hard.

because i knew exactly how that felt.

the girl i loved ghosted me like i was nothing.

the city i loved was screaming and no one with power seemed to care.

i didn’t know how to be alone.

i didn’t know how to come down.

i didn’t know who i was without her.

or without the noise.

or without the pill.

but i knew this:

something was breaking.

and maybe it needed to.

me. baltimore. all of it.

and in the ashes, maybe there’d be space to rebuild.

maybe.

just not yet.

[ooea]

[k5ine]

Lucas Lex "Post Castle Era" spread for Anthology © 2022

[k5ine]

#lucaslex #hyperpop #digicore #alternativeunderground #legend #wizard #castle

[sipitcutit]

Yes i smoke crack

[dronenotes]

[lilyswag420]

#salem

[whenus1eep]

[huntingfordeer]

pounded down through holes in the pavement

[huntingfordeer]

the fates already fucked me sideways

[k5ine]

in honor of chance dropping tonight here’s a throwback to when we threw chance’s first show outside of chicago. i knew from the moment i heard his voice he’d be special. i didn’t know he’d go on to be the first artist to win a grammy off of streaming. some of the best days of my life were spent with this dude. hella thankful to have had the opportunity to be involved.

[k5ine]

ye jesus gang you correct

[k5ine]

i was high on xanax going through my first real breakup in charles village while baltimore cracked open around me.

the riots had started or no the protests, the uprisings, the reckoning. depending who you asked.

i was 26 and felt like the world was ending both inside and outside of me.

she left me on a wednesday, i think.

by friday, police cars were burning downtown.

by sunday, helicopters throbbed overhead like angry gods.

i walked to the 7-Eleven with a hoodie up and no destination, just that soft pharmaceutical numbness in my chest like packing peanuts instead of lungs.

no one tells you heartbreak feels like a concussion.

like someone hit you in the head but also took your bones.

i remember the CVS on North & Penn going up in flames on the TV while i texted her “please just call me.”

she didn’t.

sirens howled.

my hands were shaking.

charles village was quiet, like it didn’t know what to do with itself. kids with signs wandered up St. Paul Street, shouting through megaphones and pain. and i sat in my little apartment, watching the city fight for its life while i couldn’t even get out of bed.

everyone said it was about freddie gray.

and it was.

but it was also about every time no one listened.

i think that’s why it hit so hard.

because i knew exactly how that felt.

the girl i loved ghosted me like i was nothing.

the city i loved was screaming and no one with power seemed to care.

i didn’t know how to be alone.

i didn’t know how to come down.

i didn’t know who i was without her.

or without the noise.

or without the pill.

but i knew this:

something was breaking.

and maybe it needed to.

me. baltimore. all of it.

and in the ashes, maybe there’d be space to rebuild.

maybe.

just not yet.

[k5ine]

Lucas Lex Anthology, circa 2022

[k5ine]

2 from 6

i never thought music would be more than something I could turn to at any point. something i played in the shower before school, in my bedroom after a breakup, before my basketball games. it was just always there — something that made things tolerable. It helped me cope

i didn’t grow up dreaming of being in the music industry. i didn’t even know that was a thing somebody could do. but then i moved to Bloomington with fraser & fluder, dropped a chiropractic degree for a pair of vans and a backpack full of snacks and swishers. and shit just started HAPPENING. fluder knew people, people like kami, chance, and all of a sudden i was in it.

SXSW with Chance the year Acid Rap dropped was the most insane experience of my life. Maybe even more insane than the night we went to Fredo’s. 

management felt natural. Networking easy. let the artist focus on the music, i’ll handle the CHAOS the emails, the features, the rollouts — i’ll catch it all. but i also let myself get too close. Artist’s became best friends. I got too caught up. too much of my own stuff bled into the job — the cancer, the burnout, the literal psychosis I just broke out of. i kept going past empty and didn’t know when to stop.

now i do. i’m pulling back. not because its something I want, but because i don’t have a choice. i’ve got to get right — in my head,  and more importantly my body. and part of that means letting go of some people i care a lot about that are letting me go.

i’m not managing nearly the full roster that I was.

I’m down to 2 artists from 6. and that breaks my heart. to anyone i couldn’t take further, I’m really fucking sorry. you’re all so good. like STUPIDLY good. and i’ll always be rooting for you. loudly.

to mykel, maki, damon, abner, THANK YOU!!! thank you for trusting me with your work, for however long it was I’ll still listen to y’all all the time.

kel, please fucking drop the Gracie flip. kel’s literally my second most streamed artist after carti. that’s crazy.

all my friends live on the internet. love you. <3333

[k5ine]

Lucas Lex Retirement Announcement/Post Castle Era

© 2022

[k5ine]

Book cover concept for Lucas Lex Anthology © 2022