I feel like sobbjng every time I remember sleepacross said Sayeon is an extrovert. LIKE ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 YET ANOTHER PIECE OF HERSELF SHE HAS SACRIFICED. LIVED IN ISOLATION ALL HER YOUTH JUST TO DEVOTE HERSELF TO SOME GREATER PURPOSE THAT WAS ALL IN VAIN ANYWAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 I'M STILL NOT OVER THAT PANEL OF SAYEON THINKING "MY... FRIENDS?" IN RESPONSE TO OFFICER AHN CALLINF ISEUL AND MIN HER FRIENDS EARLY IN THE SERIES. SLEEPACROSS DO YOU WAMT ME TO FUCJINF DIE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
The hand gestures in these two scenes kind of remind me of each other? The context is kind of interesting too?
I've had the thought that Sayeon here might be answering Ryujin in a way? In ep 54 Ryujin was questioning where all of Sayeon's planning and drive went (after Sayeon learnt of Jaeil’s death), and then in ep 64 Sayeon says she will change everything. She shows Ryujin that she has her drive back.
[First image - ep. 54 & Second image - ep. 63]
Do you think one of the reasons Ryujin seems so drawn to Sayeon might be because Sayeon seemed to have a drive, a purpose? Ryujin’s wording of “you've been nothing” is an interesting one if Ryujin was only worried about Sayeon's aura and mental health (which I think she was too, don't get me wrong), however I wonder if it partly was because Ryujin had been relying on Sayeon to give her purpose? Give her direction after feeling directionless for so long? So Ryujin started to feel lost again when Sayeon seemed lost too?
i am crazy and insane i cant believe that sayeon tries to “buy” ryujins trust by offering revenge, promising to act as accomplice to violence and murder. but an arc later ryujin promises her trust and support to sayeon if sayeon.. saves someone. sayeon will commit violence (enable murder!!) but what will actually get ryujin to trust sayeon is kindness, saving someone from death . Completely opposite to what sayeon offered her. the revenge offer didnt tempt ryujin one bit. sayeon fundamentally doesnt understand her … sayeon who “can’t think of another reason why” ryujin wont use her gift. who can’t fathom that ryujin doesnt want to commit all this violence and seems to have a moral and emotional boundary to using her gift…
im really looking forward to more samin characterization, but what we have of her rn is v intriguing to me, in that her love for sayeon is seemingly unconditional (sayeon can try and reject her all she likes!!) yet possessive, oppressive, cloying like a mother seeing her child as a doll, a pet. a monarch looking over an obedient subject. whatever sayeon does, she is always within samins grasp. i read it as a twisted menacing painful love… samin identifies love as the one element of this world (umineko reference) that makes someone human, and as something that sara lacked. but if this is samins love for sayeon…. its bleak!!!
in the following post ill describe a couple of things re: samins characterization, arguing that her requiring obedience from sayeon, her needing to control her, makes her love a twisted sickening love like that of an abusive caregiver . yay
how (un)conditional is samins love for sayeon?
before the murder that traumatizes sayeon, sayeon remembers that she thought of samin as a dependable older sister “who never fought with me, never yelled at me, never cried” (ch19). yet this is the case because sayeon, before that day, was docile and obedient, having listened to and accepted all of samins commands.
ch12 has samin explicitly happy and relieved that sayeon does not question her
also one of the first things she tells sayeon when sara dies (ch19):
and finally, some of her FIRST WORDS IN THE STORY (ch1) to sayeon:
we are introduced to samin as a sister who DEMANDS to be listened to. she takes full responsibility over sayeon and the household itself at a young age, but expects full trust from sayeon - full obedience from sayeon - as she takes care of everything. i think she largely conceptualizes of sayeons obedience as love. this is a girl whose father died early in her life, and then whose mother acted erratic and scary and threatening. the well godling calls out that samin has a complex around control (ch74); i think living w someone as all knowing and dominating as sara left her scrambling to find things she could feel control over, like caring for her pet fish.
another thing she could feel control over was sayeon. she already had a complex about protecting sayeon - in typical lee fashion she thinks of herself as responsible for things she rly shouldnt be, bc it means she can take an active role and do something. thus she is responsible for and must protect sayeon. saras death just triples that complex, as samin is not just protecting sayeon from sara, but now protecting her from the entire world. her goldfish in a bowl…
when sayeon disobeys, it shatters samins semblance of control. ch18-19 (the main flashbacks of samin killing jugyeongs father) show her combative towards him, but she only REALLY breaks down after sayeon questions her regarding sara. whatever illusion of absolute obedience she expected from sayeon breaks. she cant control her essence - that, OR she rewinds several times and cannot prevent sayeon from questioning her no matter how the conversation goes. this reading hits different for me… not just sayeon questioning her about sara, but sayeon questioning her and standing up to samin at all! the thing samin never expected or wanted, and it’s happening in front of some cop surprising and disparaging samin for her parenting!!! its happening no matter how many times she rewinds! she cant control sayeons behavior…?
i think, apart from a sign of losing control over sayeon, disobedience in this context is, to samin, a betrayal, a lack of trust, and even a sign that sayeon does not truly love her. if sayeon loved her, she wouldnt want to know about sara. if sayeon loved her, she wouldnt be siding w a rando cop, QUESTIONING SAMIN…
and bc i read this as a fundamental betrayal, i also read samin killing baek as punishment primarily for sayeon. theres no other reason for her to sound so cruel during these flashbacks (ch14 and ch16 respectively). it is all intended to hurt sayeon. she stabs sayeon and twists the knife. the fact that it is punishment intended to hurt sayeon gives the samin-sayeon relationship a distinctly abusive flavor lol (and potentially emotionally incestuous… to be this emotionally reliant on a child, and to punish a “betrayal” like this….. hm), bc the love samin talks abt is so intertwined w obedience. she may love sayeon, but it is a twisted love founded on sayeons listening and asking no questions, forever compliant, a goldfish in a bowl. realistically, sayeon cannot be silent and obedient forever, she has to grow into her own person who makes her own choices. this is smth samin indulges in so long as she has a handle on sayeon (thru her spy, min), and can goad sayeon into taking actions she wants (such as goading her thru another crimson society member into checking out the begonia warehouse where ryujin gets shot)
when sayeon first rebels or disobeys, she faces disproportionate consequences. are these consequences even the best way to put sayeon back under samins control, docile and compliant? maybe yes in the short run, but a resounding no in the long run, as sayeons trust in samin is forever broken. is such harsh punishment part of samins love….? is love all-encompassing and unconditional if a simple question is punished this severely?
sayeon herself says it in ch15
“Look down at what you did” is particularly cruel to me.. she genuinely did not have to murder that guy! she plausibly has the same time rewind powers like sayeon, it really didn’t have to go like this! if it was so dangerous that baek knew that samin was raising sayeon alone, she could have handled the situation acting grateful for his care and just killed him like 6 hours later, away from sayeons eyes. samin chose for it to go like this bc she wanted to HURT sayeon for her disobedience. a corpse in sayeons home, her safest space - she will never think of the place the same way again! in the same way that sara instills in sayeon the idea that anything that happens to her is her fault (re: sayeon being bullied by a boy in preschool “why would you let him? you’re my daughter”), samin doubles down. “look at what you did” over a murder samin carries out….. “don’t you agree?” forcing sayeons compliance… its sayeons fault that samin had to be violent! vicious! spoken like an abuser! samin, who wanted to protect sayeon from sara, hurts her worse than sara ever did!
the thing i really like about this, is how it is both similar to and different to how sayeon treats ryujin after ryujins betrayal in yesol arc. both are marked by an act of disobedience that infuriate samin or sayeon. samin punishes sayeon by murdering someone she cares for, an adult she sees everyday and her friends father, and forcing her to look at the corpse. sayeon attempts to punish ryujin by proving that her friend yesol is Just as evil, if not more, than sayeon (takes innocents hostage and threatens to kill them to fulfill a goal, etc) and forcing ryujin to watch. sayeons punishment is diff bc it comes from a place of wanting ryujin to admit that sayeon isnt that bad, that ryujin was wrong to distrust and threaten her, sayeon is even more moral than ryujins long time friend yesol!!! but bc its sayeons feelings and morals at stake, sayeons punishment backfires and just makes her feel worse. everyone decides not to fight, no one is taken hostage or dies, and the worst person here is sayeon (the true heaven sent angel)! samins punishment is not over being a good person, its abt seeking absolute obedience (love.. control?) and it backfires bc sayeon, traumatized, retreats from samin and never accepts samins words or love the same again. in both cases being vulnerable w eo does more for improving the relationship than punishing the disobedient person. sayeon being honest and emotionally vulnerable after juni fucks them up improves her relationship w ryujin. if samin accepted the hand baby sayeon reaches out (“samin must be hurting” is what she thinks when she realizes sara is never coming back), and thus relinquished some of her control over the situation, their relationship may not have fractured like this. alas…
all in all, samin frames her love for sayeon as an all encompassing deeply meaningful love, and punishing and traumatizing her is just another aspect of this love. samin seems to equate controlling someone with loving them, at least to some extent. samin builds meaning in her life around having someone to love (control), which is why she cannot simply let sayeon go. sayeon is her goldfish, and while she may be out of her bowl and now in a nice spacious tank, she wont truly escape samin… samin will make sure of that..
More strawpage requests but I'm afraid I need to lock in on my zine shit now ..
I cant stop picturing young han as like a broody moody lame teenager . nobody was taking his ass seriously. But he's cool now and we all love him (true)❤️
Sopping wet pathetic dog han sungwoo come back to us
And Beautiful gorgeous butch ishaan cha.. you will always be remembered... I said I was gonna do this ages ago but I've been getting pestered on strawp for it as well (you know who you are) so I #didit
The thing about Sayeon is that everyone in her family is objectively fucking cool but also not very good people so she’s been moralised against being cool
