From the start, Tsukishima Kei has always known about volleyball ever since he was young. His older brother loves volleyball, so naturally, he had to show that to his younger brother and tell him all about the sport. Kei had always looked up to Akiteru and puts a great amount of trust in him. He is the one that has always been in his life since he was born. After all, that smile of his would never hurt him.
...
That is until one day, he finds out the truth.
Why was his big brother in the stands cheering for Karasuno instead of wearing the uniform and playing volleyball for the team? What was he doing there? Why did he not let Kei see the games? Or even tell him the truth about everything that has been going on in his life?
...
That moment had shattered his faith Kei had in the sport. Kei would hold a lot of questions and resentment about the game for a long time, but he had never once thought about leaving the sport for good. He wanted to know the reasons why his brother thought that volleyball means everything to him. Why is this sport so important to everyone?
...
Yamaguchi and the others on the team seem to have a reason why they play volleyball and train so hard on their free time, but Kei isn't the type to overexert himself like that. He knows his own limitations and skill level, but he does not try to exceed past them. What's the point, right? With all sports in general, they would all lose at some point after all. Why not use all that energy into something that actually matters?
...
However, Kei's curiosity gets the best of him, and being surrounded by a lot of volleyball players seem to have piqued his interest even more. Bokuto, being one of the top players in Japan shares his own experiences with him and tells him that one day, Tsukki will have his moment, and when that time comes, he too will understand the importance of volleyball.
...
Until the moment comes, Kei will continue to play the game and search for the answers he keeps seeking from the start.
- KᴀɪʙᴀSʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ♥
Edited: February 2024 (Video), September 27, 2024 (Story)
Uploaded September 27, 2024
Tsukishima Kei - From the Start
Watch in HD!This AMV contains a story. Click on this Tumblr post Tumblr post: (Will link later)"The moon teaches us to be patient, while the
Hinata and Tsukishima – The Moment
“Today, I’m pretty sure I witnessed someone having that moment. Day two of Spring Nationals. The day this shrimp got even more hooked and fell deeper in love with volleyball.” -Tsukishima Kei
- - -
There is something going on with Hinata Shoyo lately. You did not have to know the guy to see that he is not acting how he normally should be on this particular day. His name means “sunshine,” but he does not appear to be happy, smiley, bubbly, or active at this time. It is like he is not living up to that name right now. You make it your mission to determine the root cause of his recent mood and behavior.
“Are you lost? Are you lonely? Are you missing the one and only? Have you started to write the end of your story?” you ask, although, you did not expect to have any kind of answers to these questions. Hinata just did not want to talk about it after all. It is not easy to admit these kinds of feelings.
However, it was clear that there is something that was bothering him lately. Was it related to volleyball? This was his sport after all. He gave everything into this game like it was his lifeline. For something that immense to affect his very own core in such a way to where he could not express himself to anyone meant that it was an important aspect that could either help him build himself up again or tear him right back down. Was it a mistake that he made? Or is it something else entirely? What caused him to be like this? Is this something that he can learn from and try to overcome it? Or will this ultimately be the end for him?
Is he alive? Is he breathing? You cannot help but wonder if something had happened to make him react in such a way and feel like someone he does not recognize. “Have you lost all the feeling in his fingers and toes, body and soul?” you ask, but again, you are met with silence.
No matter how hard you try to get him to open up, nothing seems to be working. So, it’s up to you to figure how what exactly happened and find out the breaking point of when it all falls down.
Perhaps the answers lie within that last game he played. Which match was it? It was the one against Aoba Johsai, correct? That was the game that they lost.
That day, the whole team felt defeated. It must have affected number 10 of the Karasuno Boys Volleyball team a lot considering the fact that he rarely ever played during his middle school years and that this was his first time playing on a real team.
But it was not like they were out from playing volleyball altogether. Did they have future games coming up for this next tournament? Surely, he can look forward to those, right? He cannot just give up now. He has to keep going! He has to keep fighting and believing that he will get over this and be back to his normal self soon.
Eventually, your encouragement and your reminders finally help Hinata get over his loss and frustrations and move onto his conditioning and training. During this time, he takes his time to reflect back to the past and jog his memory of why he wanted to play volleyball in the first place. He is very quick, agile, determined, and proud of his skills. He may be short, but he will defy the laws of nature and gravity, like a certain Tiny Giant he saw long ago on television. That specific moment propelled him to be bold and move forward.
- - -
Hinata faces many challenges along with way, and one of his first plights he uncovers is his encounter against the tall middle blocker, Tsukishima Kei. Tsukishima is rock, a mountain, an unmovable strength. Scoring against him proves to be quite a difficult task to do by himself. His sheer height was already a force to be reckoned with along with the fact that he has exceptional observational skills and is a quick thinker. He sure was not going to go easy on anyone, and Hinata was no exception.
However, this middle blocker has his own set of problems that he deals with on a daily basis. He is even worse about opening up his feelings than the other middle blocker. After all, he is not the type of person who would ask for help. He wound try to do one of these things:
Try to solve them himself.
Ignore the topics and pretend that they do not even exist.
Bury them until they become an issue at a later time.
Be surrounded and influenced by something and take one drink, then it’s all forgotten.
Tsukishima is usually the cool, calm, clever, levelheaded person on the volleyball team. He is the wave. He is the ocean. Different tide with every morning, but this guy can usually adjust to whatever situation that life throws at him and let it fall with the current.
Of course, he also hates losing as well. No one really likes to lose. It is not a great feeling after all, but it is an experience that most people have gone through with each passing time.
But that moment when it all falls down and where his team lost against Aoba Johsai, he had mixed emotions. Sure, he was down, but was there a reason to keep trying? It is not like he is planning on doing this forever. Maybe it was better if he quit volleyball after all.
“Don’t be an idiot! It’s our sense of pride! What more do you need?” his best friend, Yamaguchi, yells at him with conviction. Yamaguchi was not going to let Tsukki walk out on this, not when he knows that he can do a lot better than his current skill level. He figured that if he is able to help change Tsukki’s state of mind, then he would be able to change his tune and give him that urge to keep going and push forward despite what his obtrusive thoughts keep telling him to do or what other people are saying around and about him.
That same night, he cannot help but commend Yamaguchi for his actions. Maybe that was his wakeup call. Maybe that could be a drive to help motivate him. When there is a cause, there will be an effect.
Even if that were the case, he definitely needs more reasons than just pride to back this theory up. After all, he is a practical person, not an idealist. So, he does the next best thing that one can do when searching for answers, and that is to seek out more information from other sources.
Tsukishima talks to Akaashi, Bokuto, and Kuroo about their reasons for volleyball. He is determined to find out if he can analyze any other causes he can come across and see if they make help achieve a desirable effect.
Out of all of them, Bokuto seems to be the most eager to answer Tsukishima’s question.
“If that moment ever does come to you… That’s the moment you’ll fall in love with volleyball.”
This specific quote is what Kei kept in his mind. He recalls his older brother, Akiteru, also telling him about his own moment and how he felt at that time that impels him to keep moving forward with the sport.
Eventually, the match against Shiratorizawa gives that opportunity for Tsukishima Kei. The moment he is able to achieve his own victory and successfully block one of the top three aces of the nation. Being able to block Ushijima’s spike meant everything for him at that time. That is an unforgettable moment for him and everyone who has seen this happen in real time.
- - -
If volleyball was easy, then everybody would be playing this sport. Everyone would be winning. There would not be any challenges in the game. It would always be fun to win.
Of course, that is never the case.
During that same game, both Hinata and Tsukishima are struggling against the strong team, specifically by one person, Ushijima. Both players are working overtime, but the more time that is being spent on this match, it seems like it is getting so hard that they can barely breathe. After all, they feel like Ushijima was holding the both of them down onto the court to the point where they can no longer fight back. It was nerve-racking, time-consuming, and an infuriating experience. If it was not for the rest of the Karasuno team to help them out and break them free from the ace’s powerful grips, they might have been defeated and fallen into despair at that point.
While Hinata is the type who tends to not dwell on the past, Tsukishima is quite the opposite. He is a critical thinker after all, but he can also be pessimistic as well. Shoyo is an optimist who can easily bounce back from being down and will try to use his infectious positive influence to bring others back up.
With the taller guy’s case, however, it takes time for him to get over things. For him, it’s getting so hard for him to understand certain aspects to these issues and a lot harder for him to believe that things will just work out in the end. He is not like the shorter volleyball player after all.
However, despite how he normally is, Tsukishima did make a promise to Hinata that he would back him up even if it was indirectly with a low five. And because of that, he had to at least give it his all and try his best to overcome the problems over time.
But even when everything is becoming increasingly strenuous to the point where even sheer willpower is failing, it was getting to be so difficult to try to keep that promise. it’s getting so tiring for Kei that he is barely able to see what is the purpose anymore. Why keep trying to strive for a win if it will take just about everything from his mind, body, and soul just to achieve that goal? Even Shoyo can see that his taller teammate may find that giving up is the effortless option and it would be easy to admit defeat.
So, Hinata continues to talk to Tsukishima and remind him of everything good that has happened to them to this day. He does not want Tsukki to quit. He has come so far already to just give up now. He can keep going. Shoyo clutches his chest and hopes that Kei could hear him. He cannot bear the thought of losing him. He would not know what to do without him.
Just when things look bleak and everything is out from their control, Tsukki finally snaps out of his mental anguish and pays attention to what is happening on the court. He can do this. He has to do this. There is no doubt about it. He can conquer anything if he puts his mind to it.
By doing so, this makes the sun smile at the moon. Hinata never gave up on Tsukishima, and Tsukki was able to deliver and keep his promise to his teammate.
- - -
As time passes on, both middle blockers were drifting far apart from each other. Hinata seems oblivious to notice, but Tsukishima is quite observant. He knows how important this next game is and one slip-up or miscommunication is all it would take to bring the whole team down. They need to be able to understand each other and sync up once again. They have to because neither one of them can face their next match alone. They need each other to do this.
Kei decides to initiate the conversation first. He tells Hinata about the other team and what he is capable of doing and what he thinks he could try to do. But instead of letting his pride get the best of him, Tsukki knows that he needs to be realistic and truthful with his words.
“But… I can’t do that.” This really means a lot to Kei. He knows his limitations, and he is not going to pretend that everything is and will be okay. He will not be able to defend and block out all the hits, attacks, and spikes. He knows that. No one can ever reach that impossible feat. But he does not want to face this problem alone and be left and lost at sea.
He reminds Hinata, “If so, you’d better be there.” This is important for Kei. He is putting all of his trust onto Shoyo, which is something that he rarely ever does for anyone. He knows that he cannot rely on just himself to be able to achieve the best possible outcomes and have positive results for him and his team. If they want to win, then they have to work together to achieve a victory that will be and already is arduous and time-consuming to do.
With the game reaching a critical point and emotions running high into these sets, Hinata continues to support and have Tsukishima’s back in all of this. He knows that it took his tall teammate a lot to be able to give that trust onto him. He was not going to let him down. He will be there for him. They cannot exist without the other. They will be able to defeat the odds and beat this game.
Even at certain plays, Shoyo cannot help but gaze at Kei in awe. “Wow! Tsukki is an incredible blocker.” He looks up to him. They can respect one another and continue to teach each other a lot. Even when it was hard for either of them to admit how well they work together, they are able to get the job done.
Both middle blockers prove their skills and their teamwork on the court. They make an incredible team. They overpower the obstacles and have their plays and moments. Even when it was to the point where the team was tired and everything was turning too dark for them like the night sky about to envelop and enclose each of them under the shroud of darkness, the sun comes out and brightens their hope, giving them all that opportunity to get back to the moment, recollect and regroup themselves, give them a breather, and to try again and execute the plan to succeed.
Hinata Shoyo and Tsukishima Kei have been through a lot with each other. They continue to work and play hard, do their best, and have each other’s backs going into things. They both respect one another despite their contrasting personalities. They continue to train against one another to improve their games and put their skill levels to the test. They point out their flaws and weaknesses and help each other become better.
And it all started back at that one night. The night where they met each other. The moment where they both discover their opposite. The moment where they met as rivals before becoming teammates who will constantly push each other to their limits. The moment where their challenges become their realities. The moment where the sun and the moon finally meet. The moment where it all began.
- KᴀɪʙᴀSʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ♥
Edited: April 2023, June 2023, and September 2023
Uploaded: September 27, 2023
Hinata and Tsukishima - The Moment
No story with this AMV just yet, but I just thought today would be a good day to show you all my latest project since today is Hinata's birthday! This is just a preview for now, but if time works out in my favor, then the whole project should be done sometime by September of this year. Thanks for reading and watching!
I also got the "Haikyu!! To the Top" Premium Box Set today, which was a super nice touch as well!
Happy Birthday, Hinata!
- KᴀɪʙᴀSʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ♥
Current project start date: April 3, 2023
Current time on project: April 2023 - June 2023
Estimated projection date: September 2023
Uploaded: June 21, 2023
The Moment - (AMV Preview)
Ever since Kenma Kozume was young, he has not had the best of luck in making friends. It is not like he has a problem with people in general, but he also does not mind being by himself either. He tells himself that it does not bother him. He does not care if he is different or is interested in other hobbies from other people.
But, no matter how many times Kenma says that he is just fine with being by himself, Tetsuro Kuroo always seems to be close by.
Kenma has such a close bond with Kuroo that he would often shorten his name to “Kuro” instead.
Of course, Kuroo does not mind this one bit since it was Kenma who gave him his name.
Kuroo lives in Kenma’s neighborhood, and since he is the only one who is close to his age, Kuroo always goes over to Kenma’s place and plays with him. He enjoys being with Kenma. Everything seems so peaceful and tranquil with him, and just being around him can make Kuroo’s problems go away for just a little while, but even Kuroo knows that he has to be the one to convince Kenma to try new things every once in a while. He is not going to let his closest childhood friend grow up and become a hermit who just plays video games all day. It is a beautiful world out there with a lot of interesting and colorful activities to try out and do, so Kuroo makes it his mission to try to make Kenma come out of his shell a bit more.
Despite constantly complaining about every single idea that Kuro always manages to come up with when it comes to even taking one step outside his room, Kenma attempts to try because he trusts Kuro. If Kuro is around, then he should at least be obligated to try. Whatever they are doing, it should not feel like it is the worst thing in the world.
…
Or at least, that is what Kenma keeps telling himself.
…
Well, the sooner they do the thing that Kuro wants them to do, the sooner Kenma can go back to his video games.
- - -
Everything seems to be better for him whenever he is with his tall friend, and for someone with Kuro’s height, Kenma knew about his fascination with volleyball. So of course, it did not take any time for Kuroo to eventually ask his gamer boy to come play volleyball with him. Kenma figured it would not be so bad to play on the same team with Kuro.
- - -
Kenma does not often share the same passion for volleyball compared to his companion, especially when his difference in age becomes part of the factor of the added problems he currently has with the sport. Sometimes, Kenma wishes that he was born sooner or that he would be able to skip a grade (because he knew Kuro is way too smart for his own good to flunk and be held back a school year) just so he could get Kuro to understand what he is going through. But even Kenma knows that he does not have to say anything to let Kuro know that he has a lot of problems running through his mind right now. After all, they grew up with each other after so many years. They knew each other’s quirks, interests, and frustrations. And they also know how to make each other feel better whenever they are together.
- - -
Despite being apart from each other by one grade year, Kuroo has always been looking out for Kenma, especially during his first year of high school. There is a lot of pressure being involved with being the newbie student of a new school, especially for someone with Kenma’s lonesome personality. Kuroo was somehow able to convince Kenma to join the volleyball club when he got to high school, saying phrases like, “It’s our last years together” and “C’mon, you’ll have a great time, especially with me around.”
Kenma despises Kuro of saying such sentimental words like these. It is not like Kuro is planning to leave anytime soon, and they always hang out and practically do everything together. Even if Kenma is engrossed deeply into a new video game he had just got, Kuroo has a way of making his presence known to the gamer.
Despite the awkwardness of meeting new people on a team again, Kenma agrees to it because Kuro is there. He does not want to disappoint his closest bud, especially since Kuro has done a lot for him, even during those times when he was not feeling all too well to where no amount of video gaming was not going to make him feel like himself. Age should not have been a factor when it comes to volleyball, or any club activity in general, but somehow, according to Kenma, it really is.
- - -
Kenma has been thinking a lot lately. He wants to quit, but he has trouble trying to tell that to Kuro. He does not want to let his best player two down, but he cannot keep pretending that he wants to endure through all of this. It pains him to his very core, and he feels even more isolated than what he has been going through before.
As he continues to sit on the stairs and contemplate how Kuro would take his news, Kuroo already knows all about this. He is not blind or oblivious to the situation after all. He can see how Kenma is struggling during practice, how much he despises being treated this way from the older teammates, and how much it stresses him to balance this extracurricular activity with school and his time for his video games.
But he also knows that Kenma is not a quitter and that he hates to lose.
So, instead of accepting Kenma’s reasons for feeling this way, Kuroo is going to convince his compadre that he is never going to let him fall. He has to keep going. Even if it will take him a while to get into the rhythm of his new daily life, Kuroo is going to make sure that Kenma can overcome anything and that he will always make sure that Kenma knows that Kuroo will always be around.
- - -
Kenma is grateful for Kuro for pushing him to go past his negative thoughts and be better at his craft. Sure, he becomes the official setter for Nekoma his second year, which he always says that it is not a big deal, but it really is. Kenma has Kuro to thank for that. He glances at Kuro from across the room and gives him a little smile. Even at such a young age, Kuro always takes care of him and is quite observant. In sickness and in health, they both are so good for each other.
It is so rare to catch Kenma smiling over something that is not a video game, but Kuroo notices and cannot help himself but to beam back at the setter. Kuroo smiles a lot, but this is big of Kenma to do. Kuroo knows that Kenma has a nice smile and wishes he would often do this from time to time, but to know that Kenma even relies on him even when facing a hard level on a video game, that is good enough to let the middle blocker know that he is still important to the setter. And he is glad that no one moved away ever since they had met and that they can both take the same train ride together back home every day after school and practice.
Kuroo is a great middle blocker, but he is also protective of this team, especially over Kenma. It really helps that Kuroo is quite tall and intimidating. He does not let Kenma be bad-mouthed around by other players and lets everyone know that Kenma has a reputation of being Nekoma’s brain, heart, and soul. This team functions when Kenma is around, and Kuroo is certainly not going to let his favorite guy down.
Even though while growing up Kenma was only playing volleyball for Kuro, he cannot help but also enjoy what he has gone through with this sport. From the time he could barely catch a ball with his hands and always let it hit his face and when he first joined a team to where he is now, standing with a solid team with very uplifting chances that they could possibly win multiple games and advance to higher levels, the setter looks forward to these games. It is even better to know that even if this is their last year of playing volleyball together, he is happy to be able to do this with Kuro, especially knowing that this is his last year for him. The setter is even able to talk to other people whether they are on the same team or opposing teams because of the middle blocker, and for that, Kenma will always be grateful.
They might not be able to admit it right now, but they really do love being with each other. They care so much and deeply know and understand one another. From the moment they met, they instantly clicked, and it did not even matter what kind of issues they were dealing with on their own. They were able to work it out and encourage each other one way or another. They both grew up sharing the same interests and they both know that they are so good together. Maybe one day, when the timing is right, they might confess their own feelings, but for now, they will stand up with each other forever.
Edited: July - August 2022 (Video), August - November 2022 (Story)
Uploaded November 17, 2022
Kenma and Kuroo - ❝I'll Stand Up with You❞
I don't really have enough time to write a decent story (especially since this is a preview), but I will give a little insight on what I'm planning to do with it c; Okay, so everything you know about Tsukki and Haikyuu, just throw that out the table for now. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Synopsis:
Just look at this guy. He is a volleyball player who has sustained an injury and has to sit out for who knows how long. Of course, this gets this guy feels like he just let his whole team down. If they lose this game, it is because of him.
- - -
Games continue on, but he is still out of the game. This guy constantly thinks about volleyball. Volleyball is just as important to him as knowing his own name, Tsukishima Kei. Not a day goes by where he is not thinking about this particular sport of his.
One day, he has made up his mind. He is too good to just leave his talent behind. He has to get better. He has to come back. He has to get back on the court. This is the only way he would be able to find his peace and sanity.
- - -
At last, Tsukki has done it! He is back! He is doing what he loves and does not plan on giving it up one bit. He is passionate about the game. He can feel the blood pumping through his veins. All of his hard work, blood, sweat, and tears are shown through this sport. Volleyball. This is where all of his emotions come into play.
- - -
Of course, that could only be short-lived. His older brother, Akiteru, could care less about the game.
In fact, he despises it. Volleyball has robbed his quality time from his brother away from him. Sure, it might have been fun for him when he was younger, but Akiteru thought that his younger brother, Kei was going through a phase. Maybe one day, Kei would realize that volleyball is just a waste of time the same way he thought.
However, this did not let the younger Tsukishima down. Instead, it pushes him to find and figure out a way to ignore Akiteru's negativism and to remind his older brother of what he once thought of the sport before. Akiteru may be stubborn, but maybe, Kei might be the only one who he would listen to and convince him to try again, even if this sport did traumatize the older Tsukishima before.
- - -
Somehow, Tsukki was able to persuade his brother to come watch a game. This makes Kei smile at the thought and maybe, Akiteru might change his mind.
However, Tsukki did not anticipate that he would be going up against his main rival, Ushijima Wakatoshi. Tsukki has found Ushijima to be a worthy adversary from time and time again. And this match proves to be no different.
...
(To be continued.)
- KᴀɪʙᴀSʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ♥
(This AMV and story is subject to change. Hopefully, the full version will be up someday c; For more information about this video, please visit the link.)
Edited MEP Part: September 2021 - October 2021
Edited AMV preview: April 2022 - September 2022
Uploaded: September 27, 2022
Tsukishima Kei - Buried Beneath (AMV Preview) [Read Description]
One brisk and shadowy night, Kageyama Tobio sees Tsukishima Kei standing in his path under the lighted lamp post as if he has been waiting for him all this time. Tsukishima smiles at the setter, but if Kageyama knows any better, then he is right to assume that that is not a genuine smile from the middle blocker. Kageyama is aware and has heard of the news and lots of gossip surrounding and revolving around his tall teammate lately. None of them seem good towards the middle blocker. If anything, it could be a sign for needing some help.
However, Tsukishima has a way of hiding his true feelings from the others by building up a sturdy wall and never letting his emotions get the best of him. It helps that he is really tall, so he does not have to see at eye level about some things that he would rather not talk about. He has been used to doing this throughout his life, so he does not really see this as a problem that needs to be addressed.
Instead, he is quite smart in his academics, and everybody knew that. If someone had been asked the question who they think is the smartest in the class, then they would all point to him. Tsukishima would not even try to deny that fact. He knows he is at least one of the smartest people in his grade. None of the teachers had any problems with him. He would even be asked to sometimes help tutor other people, even if he really did not want to, but he did it anyways.
Tsukishima normally is quiet and would keep things about himself only to his own self. He does not want to share much about himself, and he is okay with that. He just wants to go through the day without having any issues and try not to stand out that much, even if he is the tallest in the room.
But he can also be quite witty, sarcastic, rude, and mean when he makes fun of other people. But to what expense? Do other people think that he has a superiority complex? Do they think he can be some kind of bully because of his height? Does he really mean to hurt other people?
Or can anyone tell that he is just doing this to put up with the façade that he has built on into his life? Can anyone see that he really feels inferior about himself when compared to his peers?
- - -
Kageyama concentrates on Tsukishima at their next volleyball game. Tsukishima is not the type of person to ever lose his cool, especially during a match, and he does not plan on starting now.
However, no matter how hard the middle blocker tries to keep up his stoic and strong appearance, Kageyama knows better. The setter keeps watching his teammate and analyzing his every move. One fierce glare from the King surprises the tall blonde, making him wonder what Kageyama is thinking about.
Well, not that he would care though. Why would Tsukishima care what other people thought anyways? They won this game. They could all go home. This middle blocker wants nothing more than to just listen to his music and go back into the comfort of his own room.
- - -
That night after the game, on a dark, well-lit, lonely street, the first-years are walking and heading on their way home. Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei are leading the way and talking amongst themselves about random different topics that come up. Well, mainly Yamaguchi starts talking and bringing up these said topics, and Tsukishima retorts and reacts every once in a while to whatever the conversation was at hand. They have been friends for so long that Yamaguchi was used to Tsukki being this way, and Tsukishima does enjoy his company, even if he is not willing to admit that fact out loud even towards his best friend.
Meanwhile, Hinata Shoyo, the one holding and gripping onto the handlebars of his bike is looking ahead to playing another volleyball match and Kageyama Tobio are also walking alongside each other and are not too far behind the other two. While they both are not close enough to eavesdrop on the others’ conversations, Kageyama stares at his tall teammate at the back of his head. The setter has to try to say something to the middle blocker, or the thought of just mashing it all down inside him and ignoring and keeping quiet about the situation will only make this worse for both players.
Kageyama calls out, “Tsukishima.”
Upon hearing his own given name, the tall player turns around to face the setter. Both Yamaguchi and Hinata glance at both of their teammates and are curious to know what is going on.
Kageyama gazes at Tsukishima and points out, “How you’re talking to yourself is rude.” The talented setter has been making observations about all of his teammates lately during practice and at real matches to get an idea of their capabilities and quirks when it comes to how he should set for them, which he was able to learn this from watching and gaining this from the other setter on his team.
And Tsukishima is no exception to this rule. Kageyama had a real challenge when it comes to learning and adapting to Tsukishima’s behavior, antics, and habits because he is such a private person. But whenever they do interact, they are at each other’s throats. But if Kageyama wanted to be the best setter in volleyball and finally get to Nationals, then he needs all of their teammates to do their best as well.
It is no secret that Tsukishima is not as dedicated to volleyball as the rest of his teammates are. Even his best friend, Yamaguchi, is giving his all in this sport as well, and he is not even an official starter when it comes to these games. Hinata may have some limitations particularly when it comes to his height, but he makes up for it by being energetically enthused, having an upbeat personality, having an insane amount of stamina, and through his determinate hard work. Kageyama is already talented having played this game for years as if this was his only way to live. He can play any position on the court and excel exceptionally at it no matter where he is at, but he chose to be a setter in the end. Each of those players on the team have their own reasons for pushing themselves to get better. They all have the same goal in mind: Get to Nationals!
That is, all except for Tsukishima.
Tsukishima listens to Kageyama with disbelief. He cannot fathom to believe that even a guy like the King of the Court himself would ever pay enough attention to say something like that to him. That middle blocker never ever loses his cool.
…
At least, not in front of anyone.
…
Did Kageyama notice at some point during a timeout in that game that Tsukishima was very frustrated with himself after not being able to block the opponent’s spike? It was just a point, but even the middle blocker had set his own expectations to try to block the ones he is sure to get. Tsukishima checked to make sure that no one, even Yamaguchi, was around him when he started to diss himself about these small things.
Tsukishima cannot help but shrug his shoulders down at the comment and reflect on that memory. He knows he could do better if he tried, but what is the point? It is not like he ever wants to lose or be the one responsible for losing a game, but why should he put in the extra effort? Why should he go beyond his limitations and exhaust himself when he just wants to be alone and relax himself the best way that he knows how. Sure, the tall blonde has heard many rumors about him circulating through other people’s conversations as well, but he does not let those stories get to him.
…
Or, does he?
- - -
The next day, Karasuno plays another game. As per usual, every single player is playing their same roles as the previous game. Kageyama knows how each of his teammates are different from each other and what kind of preferred set each spiker would like. Even Tsukishima has a very specific and unique calculated set that he would like to hit if the King wanted to send the ball his way.
But this time, Kageyama wanted to try something new. He is tired of sending Tsukishima his usual preferred usual sets, so he decides to send this one a little higher. He knows that the middle blocker has his own height to his advantage, so he might as well put his body into some good use. Hitting the ball and gaining the point should be no problem for Tsukishima to do.
The tall middle blocker jumps up for the ball, but he did not expect the setter to deter from his comfort zone. If Tsukishima knew that the King was going to try a move like that, then maybe he would have jumped higher. Maybe he would have more of a running start to jump higher. Or maybe, he would have tried for a more stable, but higher approach if he attempted to.
Or maybe, he should not have jumped at all.
Tsukishima is a person who is always thinking about the problems in front and all around him whether or not it had a positive or a negative effect on him in any way, but he chooses to ignore his constant persistent thoughts in his mind right now since it will not help him in this situation. Kageyama has already done what he did whether or not Tsukishima was ready for it or not. Now, it is time for the middle blocker to deliver.
Thankfully, due to the tall player’s long right arm, he is able to hit the volleyball, get past the blockers, and score the point. Though, while he was up in the air and the moment he landed, which automatically resulted in his teammates congratulating Tsukishima for the play, he realizes something. Whether or not this was Kageyama’s intention, the setter somehow indirectly sent Tsukishima a message.
“Driftin’, I’m in the same boat as you.”
This is exactly how Kageyama and Tsukishima both met. Their first encounter with each other was not pleasant for Kageyama and quite amusing for the other. Even when Tsukishima ended up telling the other volleyball members about the truth about the “King of the Court,” which actually helped convey the setter’s feelings and open up to others about it in the end, Kageyama had struggled and questioned his own abilities at the time back then. If he had made Tsukishima stop him from saying anything at all during that moment, then he probably would have continued to have more problems with both himself and with the rest of the team, which may have led Kageyama’s unwanted nickname to have stuck with him even more.
Sure, Kageyama cannot stand the sight of seeing Tsukishima, but he has to at least tolerate him with being his teammate and all. But Kageyama is able to see and relate how his difficult situation back then can apply to Tsukishima’s circumstances now. This setter attempted to make the middle blocker work harder this time and put in a little more effort to help Tsukishima know that he can try more and to show the others that this middle blocker can handle the tough calls and the rough plays. This setter was not going to make his teammate slip and fade into nothing. He is going to do his best to understand the taller player. And he will make sure Tsukishima will work with his sets for as long as he is his setter.
- - -
That night, Tsukishima starts heading home on that dark empty street and ponders to himself. As Yamaguchi attempts to catch up with his tall friend, Tsukishima reflects back to Kageyama’s talk with him during a game interval.
Somehow, Kageyama knew that Tsukishima had some thoughts about the last set he did to him, and the setter was more than willing to share his own thoughts with the middle blocker. Kageyama just had a feeling that Tsukishima can be better than he is now, which was why he wanted to try, of course, under the right circumstances, to make number 11 of Karasuno achieve such a thing during an official match. He knows that the middle blocker constantly doubts himself, but he would rather solve the problems all by himself than to rely on others to help him through it, even though they are all on the same team.
Kageyama attempts to boost Tsukishima’s morale because someone needs to be there to do it. Otherwise, it will just hurt the team. Negativity can spread like wildfire and affect other people around him. Kageyama knows. He was a firsthand witness to all of this. He does not want anybody to go through what he had been through. He would not wish it even on his greatest enemy.
Even if everybody knew that Kageyama is right about all of this, there is no way Tsukishima is going to admit that in front of the King. He does not want to acknowledge it. How were their situations similar? In what way did Kageyama find himself resembling and relating to Tsukishima? He does not know a single thing about what Tsukishima has gone through!
…
But still, even the middle blocker has his own reason for joining the volleyball club in the first place. He goes to the required practices and learns all the new plays with the team. But why? Why does he make himself do this? He is sinkin’, dreamin’, and screamin’, for some truth to appear before him. But what truth may that be?
- - -
Later on, Karasuno wins another game, which prompts the team to be automatically invited to go to a training camp along with some of the best teams to train with as well. Tsukishima and the others were planning to use the escalator to get to their destination and rejoin the group and talk about the details of the camp, but alas, much to their dismay, it was broken, so they just have to find another way to get up there.
Along the way, Kageyama and Hinata get into some kind of argument, which makes Yachi Hitoka curious and mystified, but Tsukishima is disinterested in what they are currently bickering about. Even though they all were following the tall blonde to guide their way like he was a lighthouse guiding all the sailors at sea towards land, Tsukishima heads on and quietly says, “I’ll take the stairs, I guess,” not really knowing or concerned about whether any of them heard him or not. He is pretty certain that the other three will be able to find their way without his help. He cannot be held accountable or responsible for whatever happens to them though. Plus, Yachi has two members of the team with her for protection if need be and the location of where they all had agree to meet up is not that far ahead. It would be remarkable if they all somehow got lost in such a small venue within a short period of time.
- - -
Karasuno makes it to the training camp, and the matches are quite intense. Not only is everybody working so diligently to win the game, but no one really wants to lose and suffer through the harsh and gruesome penalty treatment: A nice, refreshing uphill dash behind the gyms with the hot summer heat and breeze in the air.
While it sounds pleasant, it really is anything but. The team is running uphill on a very steep incline that threatens to twist anyone’s ankle if they are not careful and make them think about how to run while actually doing it and having the bright yellow sun beat down on the players, which furthers them to be even more exhausted and dehydrated afterwards, as if losing the match was not enough punishment. The forces of gravity, fatigue, and energy and stamina depletion are working together against the team like they are their common enemy. And one member almost just about had it with all of this and just wanted to stop.
Tsukishima Kei has been trying to keep up with his teammates and continues to climb until he is out of breath, which at that point, he ends up questioning his every step. All those questions that he had thought about from time to time again makes him wonder if the answers he is searching for would be worth doing all of this. Tsukishima does not like to quit, but quitting sure seems tempting right now. But he knows that if he ever does quit, then he cannot help but wonder a lot about the what ifs scenarios of having a lot of unanswered questions and what would happen to the team if they suddenly lose one of their key players and starters in these games, so he might as well just stay.
But truth be told, this middle blocker has no idea why he is doing this to himself. When he was younger, Tsukishima had tried volleyball. He was not the best or anything like that, and the coaches like putting him on the team because he is such a tall player. But he admired someone who he looked up to for being great at anything.
His older brother, Tsukishima Akiteru. Kei had thought that he was pretty amazing at everything that he does. He wanted to be like him, and Akiteru was a great volleyball player in his eyes. This is very much the reason why Kei played this sport while he was younger. This is also a way for him to connect with his older brother as well.
…
This is, until he found out the truth about Akiteru. The day Kei found out that his own brother had lied to him, it was heartbreaking and humiliating for him. The person he had trusted the most for all of his whole life became a distant stranger to him. He did not know what to believe and which statements his brother once told him were lies. He had a lot in his mind. His train of thought was leading him to different tracks as he tried to figure out how he was going to go back to the place where he called home, the place where he shared with Akiteru.
…
Tsukishima did not want to remember something like that here while in this training camp, but he is not someone who can easily forget about memories like these so easily. He can usually displace his own feelings aside, but right now with all the practice games and cruel penalties he endures and continues to go on and repeat on an endless cycle, he is frustrated. He knows that he is barely keeping himself as a starter as is. He feels irritated seeing everybody else around him trying to work so hard to be better. He is so vexed that others would even think to ask him for some extra practice. And he is angry for himself for trying to find answers to the questions that he does not fully understand or know what to look for and refuses to comprehend anything that has been given to him. He is probably still mad at his older brother too for putting him into this kind of situation in the first place. Tsukishima feels positive that where he is right now with this sport in this moment is not where he should stay, and that’s…
Why?
…
Tsukishima Kei doubts himself on a daily basis. No one really sees it because this middle blocker is either so good at concealing his real emotions inside of himself, or they do not really care how he is because of his poor attitude. Not that many people know that his is all an act that he has taught himself to do over the years and that this is his defense mechanism. They do not see how much Tsukishima struggles with how he views himself. Worthless. Pathetic. A loner. Different. Weird. Plain. Someone who view the glass half-empty. Sad. Depressed. Frustrated. Angry. Hurt. Unloved. Tsukishima deals with all of this negative and intrusive thoughts all by himself in a way that he knows how, but he does not realize how he may be accidentally affecting others around him as well.
Kei knows he is cold and mean to others, but he does not know how much he is hurting his own self as well. He has told himself many times to look at himself in the mirror and say, “I love you,” but he has convinced himself that no one in the world would ever want to say it back to him and mean it.
How could he? Why would he think anyone would be capable of loving him when he feels pessimistic about himself? What part of him is worth being loved? How can anyone find something good in him if he cannot try and see the qualities that he was born with and he is gifted in? Why would he believe in himself when he knows that without a shadow of doubt in his mind that he truly cannot do this?
Anybody can just look at Tsukishima and probably not give him the time of day, but there are some who are willing to put in the effort to try to get to know him more. Bokuto Kotaro, Kuroo Tetsuro, and Akaashi Keiji have invited Tsukishima Kei to practice with them in more times than one. Tsukishima Akiteru tries to talk to his younger brother every chance he can get whenever he can and see how he is doing and coping with the daily struggles of life. Even Yamaguchi Tadashi is there all the time believing in Tsukki and is willing to be there for his best friend through the thick and thin of it all and whenever he needs him.
Even when he has all these friends and resources available to him at any time, Tsukishima has a hard time finding anything good about himself. He does not ever want to talk about himself to other people. He knows he can handle it. He has been doing this for years.
“Passin’ by the people that have been there to support you.”
Walking away from others is what he does from the get-go when things get too tough. He might be being disrespectful and driving other people and himself mental by doing this. He is also aware of how stressful they can all get when Tsukishima is drifting and making his way throughout his day. This is a normal routine for him and does not think otherwise as he travels through a dark and lonely road. Tsukishima is very good at being alone because he has taught himself how to do it. And he will continue to act in this manner for the rest of his life.
- - -
One night, as Tsukishima heads back from a day of training, practicing, and bearing through the ruthless punishments and looks forward to crawling back into his bed, maybe watch a few videos, listen to a few songs, or read some articles or a book on his phone, he sees both Bokuto and Kuroo in the distance basically just watching him. This is nothing out of the ordinary for them to do. They just like to scour for potential players to have extra practice with. And they always wait in the third gym’s entrance, the one gym that seems to be like the central ecosystem of this entire place. As Fukurodani’s captain stretches and waits alongside his friend, Nekoma’s captain wears a warm sincere smile and calls out to the Karasuno middle blocker, “Hey!”
Tsukishima stares at the two for quite a while and feels quite annoyed at the scene. Maybe he can blame it on the exhaustion he has since he is rarely ever disrespectful towards the upperclassmen, but that does not stop Kuroo from attempting to invite Tsukki to come over and practice with them as if he is trying to recruit him to some boys’ club. Both Bokuto and Kuroo have been keeping an eye on Tsukishima all this time, maybe for his height?
At least, that is what Tsukishima deduces from all of his past experiences as well.
If there is any other way that Tsukishima could have taken another path to avoid this encounter, he probably would not think twice to take it. He likes the long walks at night by himself where he can just be alone with his own thoughts. However, the third gym just happens to be along the only path it would take for Tsukishima to go pass by in order to go into the building where the Karasuno team were staying at to rest and sleep, and avoiding the two captains is just not plausible for this tall blonde to achieve.
After receiving no such reaction from Tsukishima, Kuroo places his arms on his hips as Bokuto questions the younger person, “Why are you so distant?” They both had talked about the middle blocker’s problem at times whenever Tsukishima found an excuse to leave them each time, and it is pretty evident now to the blonde that they do chatter about him.
“You’re convicted,” Akaashi agrees with this teammate. Even he seems to have some solicitude about the middle blocker and can be both understanding and quite blunt in order to prove a point in any given situation, which Tsukishima has nothing but the upmost respect for Akaashi as well as the others.
Tsukishima has no problem with the two captains or Fukurodani’s setter, but the conversation he is in right here just proves to Tsukki the more reason why he should try to avoid them as much as he can. He just does not want to be a part of this at all.
Even earlier before when Hinata tries to talk to Tsukishima about trying to be the best and why the both of them need to work hard too, he wanted nothing more than to just get out of his current predicament. Of course he knows that he has to do exactly that as well, but he would rather not have other people speaking to him about how important doing such an unavoidable task really is. He does not need “the talk” to justify all the reasons of why they all need to try as hard as they all can to be better. It really is just pretty self-explanatory and quite redundant for the middle blocker. It is not like he is planning to not try, but he does not want anybody to tell him to do such a thing.
However, Kei is convinced that he predicts that all his wishes on his wish list won’t be heard ‘cause he is committed to the lie that feeling safe is unrealistic when he’s drifting.
It is true that Tsukishima has trouble trusting other people especially after Akiteru has violated his trust. So even if his feelings are constantly normal for him, that does not mean that he feels safe. He thinks that if he tries to talk about it and someone actually hears them, then it would only make him feel worse, so he keeps it all bottled up inside of himself and locked away as he continues to follow his routine. He does not intend on planning to break this routine anytime soon.
But something catches his attention. He gazes over towards Kageyama and remembers what he had said to him earlier and how he was the first one to say all of that to Tsukishima. This would make the tall player think that some part of him must have slipped out accidentally, but he might have felt a little better just knowing that someone else is looking out for him. Maybe the world is not as lonely and broken as he often thinks it is.
- - -
Tsukishima likes going on long walks with the moon and starry night sky preferably by himself to contemplate and muse on life and other thoughts in his mind.
“Watchin’ the world go round.”
Tsukishima used to be someone who knew how to smile when he was younger. Sure, his brother contributed much to that work, but he was genuinely happy at some point in his life. That innocent boy who thought that the world was much greater than life itself and was such a colorful place.
Where did he go? When did Tsukishima start seeing the world in black and white? Will that side of his ever come back again someday? Feeling like that back then seemed warm and delightful, so Tsukishima would not mind at all if he is able to be like that again.
He puts his headphones on and either listens to music to help with his mood or listens to podcasts to learn something new or hear about what is going on around the world. Being alone with his headphones does provide Tsukki with a little sense of joy since this is something he leisurely enjoys doing from time to time.
Though, on this night, he decides to listen to something different. He tunes into a volleyball podcast and finds some techniques to be quite intriguing. Even if he is just listening, the radio personality is able to vividly describe exactly how to perform and activate such unique gameplay styles for each of the players on the court. Tsukishima can see all of that playing in his head and can picture his volleyball team doing exactly how he perceives it in his mind.
- - -
The next day, he goes to talk to Coach Ukai for some advice on blocking. This is not a talk either of them expected to have or for Tsukishima to even initiate. The middle blocker never asks for help on anything at all. He is able to figure out pretty much everything by himself. That is the beauty of being smart, observant, perceptive, well-educated, and clever about a variety of topics.
That is, except for now. This is all uncharted territory for him. These unfamiliar feelings and unknown sounds.
Tsukishima takes heed and mentally notes his coach’s words, which Coach Ukai was able to give some sounding advice and help with him on some ideas on how to be better and execute some plays that the middle blocker had in mind. Tsukishima waits with anticipation and is looking forward to getting started on this.
- - -
Later on, after some time passes, Yamaguchi hangs out with Tsukishima at the park at night as he continues to listen to his headphones about these techniques again. Yamaguchi does not mind since he is able to see his friend and spend some time with him. He is sure that Tsukki will later share his own thoughts with him about whatever he is listening to at the time. They both have their drinks in their hands, and it was really nice out, so everything seems fine for now.
As Tsukishima continues to concentrate to how the radio personality talks about a difficult, but well-put strategy, some thoughts of self-doubt start to cloud his mind again. He starts thinking loudly in his head as the voice of the radio dulls out of his ears, “What is the point? Why am I doing this? This is so stupid! I can’t do any of this! I am not even a decent volleyball player. Why should I even bother trying?” Tsukishima is unaware of his own voice saying those words at all out loud to where anybody close by can hear him. Even his own headphones are drowning out the sounds that his dark and twisted thoughts keep producing as he keeps questioning himself over and over again.
Even if Tsukki intended to just say those things only to himself, which he very much had every intention to, Yamaguchi will not let these notions stand. He rips and yanks out the headphones off Tsukishima’s head, dropping both of their drinks in the process, throws the headphones over toward the grass as to not damage the item, grabs his best friend’s shirt, makes him stand up, and shakes him back and forth while emphasizing these words, “It’s our sense of pride! What more do you need?!”
The pinch server wants to prove a point to the middle blocker that he is not going through this all by himself. He needs Tsukki to know that he has got his back no matter what happens. Whatever has been clawing and gnawing at Tsukishima’s mind, he will go down fighting for him. He knows who Tsukishima is because he grew up with him. And anyone can bet that if Tsukki ever finds himself into trouble, Yamaguchi will be there by his side and protect and vouch for him in any way. He will support his friend, and he will be the one to knock some sense into that middle blocker whenever he needs to, which is exactly what he needs right now.
And, as a good friend, he will bring Tsukki out of those bleak conceptions. He will remind the middle blocker who he is and to never call it quits on anything! He will force his best friend to stand up and fight back against the world, even if he needs to be the one to push him to do better. He will never give up on Tsukki. He will always be loyal to him and bring him back and remind him of the kind of person that he is.
Yamaguchi picks up his friend’s headphones from off the ground and recycles both of their drinks in the appropriate bins before making sure that he walks Tsukishima up to his room. He makes Tsukki promise to not hurt himself, to which he agrees, even if the thought of actually harming himself never really crossed his mind.
At least, not that often. But having people feel pretty worried about him is the last thing that he would ever want anybody to do.
The pinch server repeats and keeps insisting the middle blocker that if he has any kind of anguish, pain, suffering, agony, anxiety, or anything going on in his life, then he needs to call him right away. No matter what time it is, seek help from someone! Tsukishima Kei is worth it! Everybody is!
Tsukishima knows a lot about Yamaguchi, but he has never once recalled him ever doing this before to him. He thought that his best friend was so brave to be able to say something like that to him. And he said, “our” so prominently, as if he was so sure that this also included Tsukishima as well. The middle blocker knows that Yamaguchi is also including the whole team with this statement, but for Tsukishima to realize that he is a part of something greater just amazes the middle blocker.
While he is not totally convinced that this is an answer that he was looking for during all this time, Tsukki is aware that he should not try to beat himself down whenever those invasive ideas plague and ridicule his mind, but he cannot help it sometimes. He is sure that those thoughts were affecting his mental stability and lowering his stamina, which impacts his energy in a distressing way, especially when it comes to volleyball.
So, he decides a to take an unprecedented approach. As he listens to music and gazes at his uniform, he attempts to dismiss and remove any negative thoughts about himself from his head and continues to concentrate on those unknown feelings and unknown sounds.
…
Unknown sounds. Unknown sounds.
Tsukishima is intelligent. He will utilize his available resources to find help to guide his way out of that darkness. He needs to hear it from other people. How are they so positive in their lives, especially with volleyball? Can he apply this sport to his own life in some kind of way?
- - -
He roams over to the third gym and enters through the doors. He faces the three quizzical volleyball players in front of him, two of them wear smiles on their faces and feel such content with seeing the younger volleyball player possibly wanting to know something from them while Akaashi shows his seriousness and concern towards the middle blocker.
As Tsukki approaches them, he reminds himself to try to keep an open mind. He says with a hint of curiosity laced in his words, “There’s something I would like to ask you. What drives you guys to work so hard?” He watches how they would react when he declares with conviction, “Volleyball is only an extracurricular activity.”
“Just an extracurricular activity?” Bokuto snaps at the middle blocker.
Tsukishima is almost taken aback by the captain’s words and thought that maybe he should not have phrased it in such a manner, but he could not help it. He was just stating a fact. This is how he really feels about all sports in general after all. Only a select few get to go pro as they advance towards their careers. Why bother trying? It is not meant to last forever.
Bokuto inquisitively questions the middle blocker, “Is this game fun to you?”
Tsukishima gives it a thought before deciding that he did not really think so. It did not really give him the same joy as some of his other hobbies do, such as listening to music, eating strawberry shortcakes, or learning about dinosaur facts. He thinks that playing a sport, especially with other people, should be fun to say the very least, but volleyball does not seem as fun to him as a lot of people all around him make it out to be.
Tsukishima has heard from other people and a variety of podcasts how some people have this phenomenal experience when it comes to such sports, and volleyball is no exception. These people would talk about how they feel when they have this so-called event happen to them like it is no other. It could happen at practice, training by oneself, just playing around for fun, in an actual game, or even in a final crucial game winning point. Each of them shares this amount of passion that is so hard to just contain it all inside. It gives them meaning. It livens up their spirits. It means everything to them.
Even Bokuto remembers exactly how he felt when he had his game-changing moment and does not give it a moment’s hesitation when he decides to share this personal experience to the younger person. “If that moment ever does come to you,” the Fukurodani captain begins and dramatically pauses to give Tsukki some time to let these words sink in. He enjoys the attention he gets when people are listening or praising him. He really shares a lot of his news with Akaashi, and even Kuroo is also a great companion and rival of his as well. He has no doubt in his mind that he also wants Tsukishima to also excel in what he does as well as someone he wants to be friends with. Even at this point, he views Tsukki as his friend. He believes that this middle blocker has greatness in store for him just waiting to come to the surface and rush out of his body. And when he does achieve that feeling someday, “that’s the moment you’ll fall in love with volleyball,” he answers with savvy confidence.
- - -
Tsukishima is in class and looks out at the window deep in thought. He etches the ace’s words into his brain, but he has yet to fully comprehend what he meant by this. Well, really what everybody means by this.Sure, he could try to broaden his horizons and peer ahead to maybe having some kind of similar experience someday, but his negativistic mind and his perceived notions in his life make him think otherwise. How could he? He has never truly learned how to think of “the bright side” of things. Or if he did, then he had forgotten how that emotion or that idea is really like in the first place.
He knows that he is ignorant to his ignorance and has to continue to learn a lot about many things that he will encounter and is facing every day, but he needs someone to tell him that he is worth it. Something or someone, maybe even someone with higher power and understanding and is hidden among the great beyond can show him or say just how worth it he is in this life. He has to believe that he is; otherwise, these dark thoughts will consume and overtake his body, mind, spirit, and soul.
- - -
Tsukishima Kei represents number 11 of Karasuno Boys Volleyball Club. Because he is the tallest on the team, he is a valuable asset and part of an essential starter in practice and in official games. Tsukishima is also a clever blocker, so he is constantly learning. He uses the information that he has been given and sees what is in front of him to make strategic plans and calculated points to help benefit the team, and he can adjust to the situation as accordingly as he sees fit and still keep his usual calm and cool composure in check. His mind is constantly working on overdrive as his body attempts to keep up.
…
Give me the faith to rise and help me diversify.
…
That moment… The moment where he is finally able to block one of the best spikers in Japan and earn that game-changing point and win that set… The moment where the whole building full of people watching goes silent, profoundly amazed at what this middle blocker has done… That moment that this feeling even exists for Tsukishima…
This. This, right here.
This is his moment.
…
Tsukishima cannot believe that this feeling is real that is almost seems surreal to him. Those words that Bokuto has spoken before and the ones that Yamaguchi had said to him hold true. This is now a verifiable experience for him! This moment gives a whole new meaning to Tsukishima’s view about this game. He has gained this, and there is no one that can take it away from him.
And this feeling he has inside of him. This feeling cannot be contained. He takes a hold of the air, brings his left fist down, and fills the void with his zealous scream. He will never forget this moment. And everybody else in that gym or watching the game on their televisions or mobile devices who had just witnessed this event will remember and talk about this long after the game is over as they all join and rejoice in Tsukishima’s accomplishment.
…
However long a moment may seem like in these times, it is not meant to last forever. Tsukishima knows this game is not over. They are one step away from representing the Miyagi prefecture and heading to Nationals. They just need to win this game first.
So, he takes a step forward, belligerence amplified. Tsukishima has to do everything in his power to help his team advance and play another set. He knows that if they lose one game, then it is all over, and Tsukishima does not like to lose. He is not going to give up, give in, or back down from this any longer. He is going to get up, keep trying, fight, and give it his all in everything that he does.
The feelings and the words collide. This moment is a feeling he would like to relive all over again someday, so he has a goal in mind and will attempt to go for the euphoria again. Now, he has a reason to go through with this game and continue to live his life. He feels intensified by this.
He once thought about this game with cynicism, but he knows now that he was previously living a life deprived and devoid from these emotions. He can now look at this game with optimism. He has to, or else he would rather be burned alive than going back thinking to thinking he is insignificant. (Insignificant.)
Every impotent moment debated can trigger it. Tsukishima has worked way too hard to get to where he is now. If he lets his past enable and destroy his own present, then he would have a very arduous time to find content in his life again.
He needs to forgive his past self and learn from it. He needs to believe in his current self now and think he can do this. And he needs to build and create his future self by moving on and accept who he is. God is his witness. Definitive. Someone is always watching. Even if no one thinks that they are, someone does take notice.
The middle blocker is grateful to everyone who has ever believed in him and who made him question his own well-being. Tsukishima will be holding his head up and looking towards his future. He knows there isn’t an innocent bone in his body and that he has to work for it. There is no room for laziness to be around.
Luckily, this game and this life that he is blessed with is what gives him the energy to keep on going. For the qualities that he lacked, he makes up for it by his sheer willpower and is willing to renovate when necessary. He has to innovate and come up with something new at times to win this game. His past will be intimidating to face at times, but he can’t remain afraid. He has to try everything for his life and make his name be known to others.
This is it.
He is Tsukishima Kei.
- KᴀɪʙᴀSʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ♥
Have you read part 1 yet? Find it here: Kageyama Tobio - “The Only One”
Edited: April - September 2021
Uploaded: September 27, 2021
Tsukishima Kei - Drifting
From the start of the new school year, when the other high school clubs try to attract incoming freshmen to join their clubs, there are rumors circulating about the young and talented volleyball player, Kageyama Tobio, which has put some of the Karasuno Boys Volleyball Club members on edge about the new recruit whenever they are around him. Which of them are true? Which of them are false? No one really knows the true story about the King of the Court.
Well, no one maybe except for Kageyama. But he is not the type of person who is willing to openly share his own real-life problems with anybody else, especially with his own teammates. This is a new team and a new year for him. He should be allowed to have a clean slate. He does not have to justify to anybody anything about himself. Volleyball is the one thing that Kageyama cares about. Nothing else.
Unfortunately for the setter, there just happened to be one other person who knows for a fact the reason for the nickname. And that one specific person has no problem with telling the others about the King’s secret despite how Kageyama feels about it.
Tsukishima Kei.
That guy is the last person that the talented volleyball player wants to have his past have known about. However, that tall middle blocker has all the aspects of this case down and does not owe Kageyama anything. It is not like the setter can try to reason with him and come up with some kind of enticing bargain to get him to not say anything. That would be just beneath him.
And besides, Tsukishima is not the type of person who is looking to make a deal or hide other people’s undisclosed secrets without something to gain no matter how hard someone attempts to do such a thing. He is not even doing this to one-up Kageyama and put him at a disadvantage in this 3-on-3 game. Maybe he wants to hurt him. Or maybe, he wants to see how the King reacts to the exposure to all the details the setter has chosen to conceal to be revealed at this very moment.
Whatever the reasons are, Tsukishima makes sure that Kageyama is listening to him when he starts purposely voicing out loud to the captain of the team, Sawamura Daichi, about the setter behind his back. Yamaguchi Tadashi watches the scene unfold right in front of him and is aware and afraid about his best friend’s well-being; however, he is unable to do anything except to just let it happen and hope that nothing bad comes as a result of it.
Meanwhile, Sawamura is generally concerned about the young setter with the reputation and is curious to know more about it, even when he knows that this is not the time or the place to be speaking or hearing about something like this.
Tsukishima glances over to Kageyama and notices him wince at his words. The middle blocker continues to unveil even more personal information about the King’s past to Hinata Shoyo and Tanaka Ryunosuke, which both had made their own assumptions about their fellow teammate beforehand, but were widely misinformed as the majority of people were.
That is, until now.
Kageyama tries to tune Tsukishima out, but it is very hard to do when he knows that he is the topic of interest in this moment. He listens to how the opposing middle blocker explains to their team about how he was alone. Being named “King of the Court” was not in good conscience despite how cool the nickname seemed to sound.
This phrase was first given to him by his own teammates back in middle school. Kageyama did not play volleyball to make any friends, at least, not really. He just wanted to win, and he will do anything to do just that, including not acting like a team player. He gets stressed and angry whenever his other teammates are not dishing out his sets in his own preferred timely manner. Kageyama wants to win and go to Nationals like everybody else, right? So, he is allowed to be like this regardless of what anybody else thinks about him.
He had this idea in his head about how to get past the opponents and have his team regain back all those points. If he is able to just set the ball faster, then a spiker should be able to hit the ball and get past all those blockers, right? The setter can control the pacing of the game as long as the spiker is there to land a spike on the opposing side of the court.
At least, that is what the King thought to only himself back then during that moment. He never once thought about how to tell his past teammates about what he was thinking and ask what their opinions were about it.
It was set point for the opposing team. Kageyama sets the ball up in the air as his job of being the official setter, but as soon as he glanced back, he expected for one of his teammates to be there already in position to hit the ball.
Instead, he found no one there to back him up. None of his teammates wanted anything to do with him anymore. Nobody there trusted him. No one was there to side with him and support him. He knew he was all alone when it comes to this game, but for the first time ever, Kageyama finally realizes what that meant. It was cold, dark, and lonely for him, and he did not like it one bit. He may be in a building full of all of these people cheering, watching, and scrutinizing him at every play at the time, but he truly felt isolated and rejected from everybody else, and no one was there to understand those feelings he had.
The opposing team won that first set, and the King of the Court was ultimately taken out of the game as a result of it.
- - -
Now that Kageyama is in high school, he thought he could just forget about it and start all over. Sure, he knew that cursed nickname was going to follow him wherever he went, but he was not planning on telling anyone about the minute aspects of this event at any time during high school. He has already decided to calculate his sets carefully and try to make sure that his own teammates will not end up basically hating him in the end like the middle school teammates did.
However, he did not factor in Tsukishima’s pinpoint accurate storytelling into that account at all. He did not even know who that middle blocker was before he got to Karasuno. Just how was this guy able to remember even the smallest of details about this particular case? What else does he know about the setter? Just how far does he plan and intend on destroying Kageyama’s image that the setter had tried to maintain during the start of the year?
Yes, the nickname still bothers the setter to this day, but no matter how he really feels about it, he did not once dare to try to stop the tall blonde first-year from unraveling his own past. He just lets Tsukishima go on and tell them about how he was alone. And because the middle blocker is able to recreate and paint a precise depiction about the situation in each of their heads, Kageyama cannot help but to relive that experience all over again.
Kageyama did not look up to see the others’ reactions. Instead, he is just focusing on his own. He cannot go back and vindicate what he has done, but he had enough time to process his actions. He has learned how to forgive himself and make himself feel better by playing volleyball.
Now, he has to focus on himself so that his future will not turn out the same way as his past. Of course, he will do anything to win, but maybe, if he could do things differently, he could change. He is at least going to give it a try. After all, volleyball is a sport where one person could not win it all, at least, not on one’s own. There is a reason why this is a team sport instead.
Kageyama takes in a deep breath. He gazes at the players in front of him. This is his team, and those are his rivals. He contemplates about his own future and what he hopes to accomplish. He ponders about his hopes and dreams. He takes one look in front of him and can sense the start of his career.
But ultimately, that does not come without a price. That version of his past will continue to haunt and intimidate him no matter where he goes. “The King of the Court.” That is not a name that anyone can just forget. Will he end up being alone in the end? A lonesome king with a befitting title and role and having no one there at his side to celebrate his little victories with? Having his own memories replay in his head with no hopes of escaping to a different future? Having a new name of being “The Only One?”
Or will Kageyama be able to break out of those chains that he was shackled with, throw that crown and royal cape into the ground and never have to pick those items up again, and get out from that endless vicious cycle of thinking about these things? Will he be the able to continue to forgive himself for what he has done? Will that lonely King make himself be free from his past?
Kageyama may need time to find out all the answers to his questions, but the first thing he knows for sure that he needs to do is this: Beat Tsukishima’s team. Whatever Tsukishima’s intentions are for revealing Kageyama’s past does not affect the setter in any way.
At least, not that much.
But Kageyama is pretty determined to win this game however he can, which may include listening and gaining tips from others and using his teammates’ abilities to great use against the other team. He has to win this game and show himself something. He has to prove that he is not that same person as before. He has to see if he is capable of learning how to change for himself.
And it all starts with this game.
Kageyama picks up the ball and challenges Tsukishima to a volleyball match. He is not the only one in this game anymore. This is his chance to do better. This is his way of being able to redeem himself.
Who will win? Who will lose? And what will be gained during this match? What kind of thoughts will each of the players have? Will Kageyama adapt to this new team? And will the others accept Kageyama for his past mistakes and make him be and do better?
You decide how this goes.
- KᴀɪʙᴀSʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ♥
(Part 2 of this story is coming soon)
Edited: January 2021 (Video), September 2021 (Story)
Full MEP
Kageyama Tobio - “The Only One”
Kageyama Tobio puts his hands up in the air as if he is reaching up for something in the sky. Well actually, he has done this motion thousands of times before already. It is not like he needs to practice all of this, but he really enjoys doing this. He loves playing the setter role. That moment where he makes a strategic and calculated risk of where his body and mind position are in that moment, where the spiker he ultimately chooses to set the ball will be for the hit at the next second, and how to make the best play for this team to score another crucial point are how he trains his brain whether that is in an official game or during practice at the gym. Everything is all devoted to this sport.
Volleyball. He has played this sport for as long as he could remember. He likes the feel of the volleyball, and being the official setter, he is guaranteed to be able to touch the ball in multiple plays and make an impact on the games. He does not do this to become famous or anything like that. He just loves playing volleyball. No one can change his mind about another sport being better. This is it. This is Kageyama’s life.
He has set the ball for a lot of people so many times in this sport. He does not really need the practice, but he enjoys doing this very motion each time. Why? Everyone is different, and each one has their own unique playing style and quirks. Kageyama knows this and has learned what this really means during his first year of high school. He is not the only one training for volleyball. All of his team are also quite active in training for this sport as well. Kageyama realizes he can go far into this game with the assist and support of his teammates, especially one in particular.
Hinata Shoyo. If Kageyama had to pick someone who made such an impact in his volleyball career so far, then it would have to be him. Hinata has fast reflexes and can jump pretty high, so he could be the perfect decoy, even though this middle blocker really just wants to be the ace. Kageyama has no problem telling him how important Hinata’s role is on this team and knows which words to say to him to get him back on track and get his head back in the game. Hinata also serves as a good partner to Kageyama, making him train harder as if they were rivals and to become a better person. Kageyama also learns how to adjust and change his previous selfish attitude and kingly ways of the game to fit Hinata’s playing style and also everybody else’s as well. Kageyama puts in a lot of trust that Hinata will show up and be there whenever and wherever he sets the ball. That greatest decoy will always get the setter through the day.
Hinata is the same way as Kageyama when it comes to being passionate and devoted to volleyball and also seeing Kageyama as a rival that he would like to beat someday, just with a slight bit of difference.
While Kageyama is the control tower of the group, Hinata is a total wild card to his opponents. If they never seen him play before, then they are in for a nice surprise. Hinata enjoys the physical contact with the ball in this sport as well as being able to move and jump around from pretty much anywhere on the court. He has a lot of energy and stamina always stored up inside of him, so of course volleyball would be the perfect way to let all of those out and put his own skills to the test. He may be short for someone who plays volleyball, but his fast and quick reflexes and his ability to jump high makes him quite invaluable to the team and more than accounts for his own shortcomings. Height does not matter if he is able to score a point in the game. When he spikes the ball, it gives off such an elated feeling to him as if every problem in the world just fades away and makes it okay. He has Kageyama to thank for that feeling.
- - -
Even though both Kageyama and Hinata have been through the thick and thin of this game, nothing lasts forever. They both know their time together would be short. These high school years will come as a blur to them. If there was a way to continue playing volleyball for as long as they can, then they would both try their best to prolong and push past their body’s limits and try everything they can to get to that winning point. Volleyball is a part of their lives. And both Kageyama and Hinata are good teammates who work well together.
- - -
However, nothing lasts forever.
- - -
Kageyama knew this day was coming one day, but he had no idea that it was so soon. He never thought about how he would feel to never be able to set for Hinata again. He has been so silent lately and also has been avoiding his teammate. The team changes each year during his high school experience, but Kageyama has spent most of his time with Hinata. He really is not sure what to say to him at this point. This is the first time that Kageyama has trouble finding any words that would be helpful to both Hinata and himself.
- - -
Even though he is not required to go to practice at school anymore since his last year of volleyball at high school has already come to an end, he wants to go anyways. Today. He wants to go today. He should go today. He needs to go today. He actually does not need the practice, but volleyball really helps Kageyama calm down and think about issues like this. Maybe the words he is wanting to say will come to him when he practices and feels the volleyball in his own hands.
- - -
Kageyama walks by the vending machine and sees Hinata from around the corner just looking and holding the volleyball in his hands. He does not approach him or go to the club room or the gym like he normally would. He respects and gives Hinata some time to himself. He wonders what he is thinking about right now. He ponders about going to practice today. He contemplates what kind of words to say in this moment to the person who he has spent the last three years with. They both have volleyball in their times ahead of them, but it is in separate directions and paths from each other.
Hinata has his back turned away from Kageyama, so he never notices the setter gazing at him from a distance. Hinata also has a lot on his mind lately. There is a future out there for him, a future where Kageyama will never set for him on an official game ever again. He is also not sure what to say to the setter either, but Kageyama has not been around or showing up to practice ever since their last volleyball game together. Hinata still goes to practice to help out with the younger generation of volleyball players for Karasuno with hopes that Kageyama may show up one day to help with practice as well, but with each day that passes, pieces of that hope keep diminishing away.
Kageyama constantly thinks about what to say to Hinata as memories of them both play in his head. All the good times and the bad times. They been through a lot together. And with this last game, it was their last experience with each other. Kageyama Tobio is never going to forget Hinata Shoyo, their time together, and he knows he is going to miss him. He will miss him. He could say this to Hinata right now. Or he could go to practice and possibly set to his former teammate. Maybe Hinata is also thinking the same about him as well. Maybe Hinata will appreciate him for setting the ball towards him for one last time, just until they go their separate ways.
Even though Kageyama has a lot to say now, he does not like the thought about what he may feel when he realizes that Hinata is gone. That constant sun that he has been around and who he sees has both a rival and a friend to him will be gone soon. Those words that Kageyama was almost confident to go and say to Hinata right then become mashed down in his thoughts once again.
So instead of going to him, instead of going to practice today like he planned to, instead of saying anything out loud, he just walks away and never looks back. Kageyama will never know if Hinata feels the same way about him.
- KᴀɪʙᴀSʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ♥
Edited: July 2021
Full MEP
Kageyama and Hinata - When You’re Gone (HBD Mia Hikari)
Sonic the Hedgehog & Shadow the Hedgehog - Born for This
Everyone knows that Sonic the Hedgehog’s skills are better than most other beings out there, but when he goes to his Super Sonic form, he makes himself that much more powerful. Sonic views himself as someone who was born to do this. He is selfless, understanding, determined, and kind. He knows that he has to be the fighter for every innocent creature out there. He even tries to make do with the bad villains and his enemies and shows his version of what is right in this world. Sure, he may have some flaws as well, but who else will be there when trouble arises? Who else can match Sonic’s unique skillset and abilities? A few may have come close, but for Sonic, he is absolutely sure that he is born for this.
When Sonic meets Shadow the Hedgehog, it was not on pleasant circumstances at first. This blue hedgehog has thought of this black hedgehog as his rival, an adversary to the finest detail, maybe even someone who was able to best him in every way.
Shadow was quite a challenge for Sonic in the beginning, but due to having a mutual understanding later on, both agree to battle alongside each other and make themselves twice as strong and become an unstoppable force. They are the broken ones who chose to spark a flame and let the world know of their existence. From those Chaos Emeralds, both hedgehogs become these golden warriors and heroes, Super Sonic and Super Shadow. Watch as their fire rages, and their goals become clearer. They are truly born for this!
Edited: May - June 2021
Full MEP
Sonic's 30th and Shadow's 20th Anniversary - MEP Collection #7
Chris, Amy, and Tails were watching the intense battle going on outside of Space Colony Ark. They were only able to catch short glimpses of both Sonic and Shadow at times during the fight while other times, they felt the rumble and vibration of the struggle from the surfaces that they are standing on.
But now, everything has settled down. It is time for them to return.
They hear the door open, look back, and smile at the sight of the blue hedgehog gazing right at them. To see Sonic all safe and sound means that this battle is now over. The threat has been neutralized. Nothing should be getting in the way now.
“Is it over?”
They see their blue hedgehog friend standing in front of them, but something does not seem right. Something feels off. Something feels different with the outcome of this fight. No one is saying anything right now, but everyone can sense the feeling. The smile that once appeared on each of their faces dissipates to one of wonder and one of sadness.
“Is it really over?”
Sonic is the only one who knows how Shadow the Hedgehog has mysteriously disappeared. He sacrificed himself to save everyone else. He had put a valiant effort into trying to help everyone else, but in doing so, it would cost him his life. Sonic tries to search and locate him afterwards in case the other hedgehog needed some assistance, but all he finds is one of Shadow’s golden Inhibitor rings in his place.
Sonic shakes his head in disbelief and hands over Shadow’s ring to Chris. Sonic does not have to say anything to let the others know about the whereabouts of this black and red hedgehog. They already know.
Chris takes the ring gently and holds it to his chest. He replays the memories in his head of someone that he did not know very long, but has made an impact on his life. He vows to never forget Shadow the Hedgehog as he lets one tear escape his eyes and fall on top of the ring, allowing himself to keep this promise.
- - -
Even though word gets around and news spread like wildfire, are they sure that Shadow the Hedgehog is really gone? That no trace of him is left remaining other than that ring? That he really is not missing in action? Is he really dead?
- - -
Long ago, Shadow has made a promise to his first dear friend, Maria Robotnik. He made a promise “that I would change,” even though he was going to lose her in that moment. He had felt Maria’s heart, love, and soul for this planet she was once from and the people who reside in this place. Even if that planet and those people were against everyone within that Ark, Maria continues to honor her true feelings and show Shadow that the world is a beautiful place. Shadow should meet people from different corners of the world and the enjoy the life and joy that they bring across the lands. She wants Shadow to be okay and be happy with this life that he was given. She wants and will always be with Shadow wherever he goes.
Shadow remembers her sweet smile and her beautiful expression. He knows that he is quite lucky to have met Maria in his life. She is someone that he never wanted to forget. Maria was like a delicate flower who was destined to bloom and bring light and happiness wherever that scenery is with its intricate colors and sweet aroma.
But with flowers, they wither and die. And sometimes, the radiance and vibrance of such a flower may fade away from one’s memory, as if it never even existed in the first place.
That is what happened to Shadow. It pains him that he had forgotten such a memory. He beats himself up for it. He did not mean to break the promise he had made to his friend. He feels that he is solely responsible for breaking it in a million ways. He just simply did not remember at the time when he met Sonic and the others.
But now, he swears that he will not forget any of it this time. He picks himself back up, forgives himself for what he has done, and lays a rose near a grave he has placed for Maria. This spot he chose overlooks the high mountains, the low landscapes, and the breathtaking scenery, and he is sure that Maria would have loved this place. He might be on his own for now, but one day, he will fulfill his friend’s wish. Somehow, he will let Maria know that he is okay and he will learn about all the wonders of this world. Maybe he will even let himself meet Sonic and the others again someday.
Edited: February 2021-March 2021
Written story: June 2021
Sonic's 30th and Shadow's 20th Anniversary - MEP Collection #7
Gojo Satoru and Kuroo Tetsuro may be from different worlds, but they both know that music is universal. Music has a way of touching people and can carry a wide range of emotions. The intricate sounds emanating through the atmosphere along with the powerful set of lyrics of a song can easily be interpreted as having a meaningful aspect to either people’s lives with their own personal stories or lessons, or affecting their moods in such a way just by listening to it, whether that be calming and soothing, reflecting or saddening, or energizing and raging.
Gojo and Kuroo have some things in common with one another. They are quite skilled and talented in their elements: one with jujutsu, and the other with volleyball. They like to show that they are the best at what they can do. They live to lead, teach, and inspire others with their roles of being a teacher and captain respectively, as well as staying true to themselves and their quirky habits. They each wear a smile on their face, knowing how important it is to let others see that it is okay to have some fun every once in a while, and also be a little cocky along with it. They are highly observant and quite competitive. They are helpful at times and also humorous in some tense or light-hearted moments. They can be serious and protective of others they care about as well as being the ones who brings out the best in them too. They will keep doing what they do, learn and skillfully master their techniques, and continue to listen to the music alongside with it no matter where they are.
Music carries many interpretations depending on the person. Its existence has been created and formed since the very beginning, carried and passed on throughout the generations, and evolved and taught over time. It is made to be heard by the people and for the people. So, listen carefully. Bring out your best. And when Gojo and Kuroo tell you, “Please don’t stop the music,” it would be wise to take heed of their direction. You might be able to learn something new.
- KᴀɪʙᴀSʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ♥
Edited: May 2021
Uploaded: May 15, 2021
Gojo and Kuroo - Don't Stop the Music (Open Collab with alevixt)
Tsukishima Kei has trouble comprehending the world around him. He views life around him as dull and does not understand the true meaning of why people give their all in such things, especially when it comes to sports or such hobbies. Take volleyball for example. Tsukishima cannot help but ponder what is so special about this sport? It is just a club to him. There is no real benefit in the long run for him to keep doing this, so why even bother trying?
People often try to get him to open up and reveal his side of the story, not that it would be such an easy task to do. Anyone looking from the outside-in would be able to distinctly discover that Tsukishima Kei is not as dedicated to this game compared to everyone else within his age group. He is even a starter on his team as well! Is this not a privilege for him to be able to achieve such a role during his first year in high school? Does he even like playing? Just what is his reason for joining the volleyball team in the first place if he is not practicing as much as everyone else?
- - -
Kei reminds himself of a time where he is with his older brother, Tsukishima Akiteru. Akiteru enjoys playing volleyball and being a role model to his only younger sibling. They often talk about the aspects of the sport, the positions, the serves, the receives, the control of the ball and the game, and etc. among all the other interests that they also like to indulge. Akiteru reveals to his brother how he intends to go to Karasuno, play for their team, and go to nationals.
Kei loves hearing about how passionate his big brother is about it all and aspires to be just like him one day when he grows older. He cannot wait to see what it will be like for him to be Akiteru’s age and look forward to joining a high school team and be able to go and play in nationals someday.
- - -
Tsukishima Kei is in his first year of high school, and being this age is not fun for him by any means. Sure, he has the height advantage working out for him, and being the tallest person on the team definitely has its perks when it comes to volleyball.
Of course, that is, if he is willing to devote the extra time and energy into the sport like the rest of his teammates. He does not get how other people are so fascinated with this game or why it is so important to basically push oneself beyond their limit. “What’s the point of all this if it is going to hurt you in the end?” he quietly asks himself, remembering a time when he was passing by and peeking in his older brother’s room and seeing Akiteru in the dark feeling quite upset with himself.
Despite having these intrusive thoughts, Tsukishima Kei is still growing and learning, and he wants to be able to understand all of this. He knows he is not like everybody else, but he does not want to be too different from them. He goes to his coach for some help. Maybe Coach Ukai might be able to give Tsukishima some insight of “What it gon’ take? What it gon’ be?” Because right now, Kei’s mind all reverts back to one particular notion, “I don’t even know.”
- - -
Long ago, Kei would have been able to ask his older brother anything that was bothering him or anything that he really wanted to know. Akiteru had all the answers all the time, and he would not ever judge Kei for being curious about random topics. He would openly give out his most honest opinions about anything his little brother would inquire from him about and will push himself to be a good brother to Kei. And Kei often had a lot of questions about volleyball.
…
But the pain that it caused on Akiteru…
Did Kei even notice it back then whenever his older brother would come home late from practice? Was Kei ignorant of his brother’s feelings at the time? Or was Akiteru simply good at hiding them all from his younger sibling?
…
Tsukishima Kei cannot help but reflect on those ideas often, which makes him quite lonely. Maybe he should have seen it back then and help Akiteru with whatever he was going through. Maybe his relationship would have been better with his older brother if only he knew.
…
But this was not right. He was not in the wrong here. Right? No. This was not his fault. This was all Akiteru’s fault!
…
Right?
- - -
Tsukishima does not quit volleyball. There is no other club that he was remotely ever interested in. Instead, he still intends to find either some answers to all the questions he has about volleyball or maybe he wants to find some closure. He needs to find out the importance of this game. The sport that his brother has and continues to always love, enough to make him feel and hurt and cry about it. Maybe then, Kei would be able to find something meaningful and pleasurable in his life instead of going through life just walking around and feeling like, “I don’t even know me.”
- - -
Like in any sport, there is a risk of injury that can happen at any point in time. Tsukishima tries his best to be quite an active team player during this match. The sets are long and tiring, but he makes himself push through and hold onto his stamina and his cool mindset. He knows how to take the pressure when the heat is all on him. Not that he will admit it, but he takes great pride in that.
However, in a sort of twisted fate, one forceful gameplay is all that was needed for everything to go all wrong. Tsukishima felt the moment where his fingers connected and made contact with the volleyball coming from his opponent’s powerful hit. At first, he winces, never once showing his emotions. But as soon as everything settles down and rest is upon the players and the adrenaline rush disappears from Tsukishima, the pain jolts sharp electric signals into his brain so suddenly. There is no hiding how bad that is at this time. His wall his starting to crumble. He tries very hard to force himself to deny the actual physical pain that he is suffering right now from that last play, but that is not possible. His mind will not allow it. It just really hurts. He is frustrated. He is angry. This is not working out in his favor. He is holding back— what? Tears of pain? Humiliation? His own thoughts? Fears? Emotions?
“I don’t even know me.”
…
Tsukishima has to exit the game to tend to his injuries. He begins to walk over towards the direction of the infirmary. Will he be able to play again? No one knows. Not even Tsukishima is not entirely sure if he wants that either if he had to be honest with himself.
Along the way, he sees and meets up with his older brother, Akiteru out in the lobby. Kei thought he has seen him in the bleachers watching the game earlier, but he was not so certain.
That is, until now.
Kei does not know how he to express his emotions right now. Should he feel happy about seeing his brother? Should he feel bad? Is he supposed to feel anger? Or sadness?
Kei does not spend a lot of time contemplating on such thoughts as he tries to hide how severe his pain really is at that moment. He is quite stubborn, but he continues to remain tall, proud, and stoic in front of everyone else, trying to rebuild that wall that he once put up.
“I feel it too,” Akiteru sympathizes with his brother as he assesses his injuries to his hand. He knows about his brother’s pain, his frustrations, and his bitterness that this game has caused on him. He has been through this all, even when they were both younger. He would never subject his younger brother into ever feeling like this in this harsh reality if he could. If there was a way that he could take all of this pain and suffering away from Kei, he would no doubt will do anything to make his brother feel all better.
- - -
“Why did you start playing volleyball, Tsukishima?”
That question haunts Kei no matter who asks him. It did not start out as a hard question to answer, but it became complicated for him as time goes on. But there is really one reason why he joined in the first place.
Kei stares down at the ground. All of his life, he has looked up to his older brother. Akiteru is the one who took care of him along with their mother. He was his role model, his hero, his everything. He believed everything that his brother said because everything he says is true. He would never lie to him about anything.
Right?
- - -
Kei would never forget the day he found out the truth about his brother. A liar. A coward. Akiteru shattered his younger brother’s expectations and goals. He hid the truth from him for so long that the more Kei had thought about the first time Akiteru had betrayed him, the damage became worse. Kei would often shut himself away from the outside world and put up a sturdy wall, hiding all of his emotions and feelings in the process.
- - -
“Gotta have you. Gotta see you.” Kei truly believes that if he understood volleyball better, then he could comprehend his brother’s feelings about the game (his brother and him will still have that special bond with each other). He never once hated Akiteru, but he had felt emotional pain because of him. Kei does not perceive himself as heartless, but he feels cold. He knows that, but he does not want to go on throughout his life feeling such a way.
Akiteru knows that he had hurt Kei, but that does not stop him from believing that his little brother is the very best. He tells him, “You’re the only thing I ever think about.” Ever since that uneventful moment, he spent every single day trying to apologize to him until Kei would not listen to him anymore, and he has spent all of his time making sure that he thinks about his younger brother and watches him very closely to make sure he is alright. He never met to hurt Kei. But sometimes, reality takes a toll on life. Being older is not as great as people make it out to be.
But being older also means that Kei has enough time to process all the information that he has gathered for quite some time now, and coming to Karasuno and joining the volleyball club may have been the best thing he has ever done. Volleyball is the sport that they once bonded over when they were younger, and it will once again rebuild and repair their relationship. After all, Kei has yet to experience the one thing that most volleyball players, including his brother, have encountered during their time spent on the game.
Akiteru has many things he wants to say to Kei right now, though he will wait until after the game to tell him everything about the two of them. So, Kei’s older brother does what he thinks is best for now. “Take some time to breathe, collect your thoughts, and regain your composure. We’re all here waiting for you. We’re here to cheer you on. Don’t worry about your team. They got you covered. Focus on you for now. When you’re ready, go out there and show them what you’re made of! Make some remarkable gameplays and moves and enjoy yourself! And keep challenging yourself to make yourself push even further! Go out there and grab your moment! Show the world how you got hooked and fell in love with volleyball!”
After tending to his injuries, Kei takes heed of his brother’s advice and runs back into the court. All eyes are on him now. He can feel the pressure weighing on him once again, but he never falters and does not let it bother him. He is ready to feel that moment. The moment everyone else has experienced before. The moment where one single play can change his whole entire world.
- - -
And with that, Kei can see clearly now how colorful his life really is. Volleyball is not just a club to him anymore. It is something he remembered that he enjoyed in his pastime with his brother, and it continues to be something that Kei really looks forward to. Just being in the game or even just watching it, Kei is finding some joy once again in his life, and he is glad to have his older sibling to share his interests with. Akiteru has got his brother’s back no matter what, and Kei cannot wait to relive that phenomenal experience all over again.
Oikawa and Iwaizumi - Break My Heart (HBD AnimeBabeXX)
Oikawa Toru knew exactly what he was doing when he strayed away from his team just to talk to some of his adoring, loving fans just standing there outside of the stadium, specifically of the female gender. It’s a good thing that Oikawa has this natural charisma about him that lets even the shortest of fans be able to talk to the six-foot tall gentleman without any difficulty.
However, Oikawa has an ulterior motive in mind. He didn’t care if he betrayed his coaches’ orders to stay within the group or if he made his other peers envy him for being able to chat freely with the girls, even they go to other schools or such. He did this all for one specific reason.
Iwaizumi Hajime.
- - -
Iwaizumi could care less what Oikawa does on his free time. He isn’t his keeper nor his mother by any means. He is Oikawa’s teammate who just happened to grow up with the setter for many years. He knows of his quirks and his attitude. He had to put up with him for all these years.
However, the ace wouldn’t dare defy their coaches unlike the captain. The coaches trust Iwaizumi to set Oikawa straight when they need him to. And this ace loves to find any reason to scold the captain in any way possible. And by “scold,” it mainly somehow resorts to violence.
- - -
Iwaizumi walks with a couple other teammates to find their beloved captain just having a casual conversation with all these women grouped altogether. It’s not like the ace wouldn’t be able to locate the setter all by himself or really needed backup for something like this. Though, anyone knowing Iwai, anything and everything is possible when it comes to a situation such as this.
- - -
Oikawa was just trying a food that one of the girls baked just for him and admiring the quality and texture of such a creation. He gives such praise and adoration. The words he uses to describe is practically second nature to him. In fact, he is so invested conversing with the females that he had no idea what was coming to him.
Iwaizumi wasn’t just holding a volleyball just because he is a volleyball player. No. This volleyball is special. This is the one he uses to punish and discipline Oikawa with. He doesn’t just throw this volleyball at him. After all, where’s the fun in that? No. This ace’s aim is dead on. Iwai is quite comfortable with his aim. He knows exactly what his target is and how hard to hit it. He recalls Oikawa’s personal motto, “If you’re gonna hit it, then hit it til it breaks!” He throws it up in the air with a fluid motion and does a powerful spike towards the captain’s head.
Oikawa yelps in pain and places his hand on the back of his head, trying to relieve and comfort the spot. It’s pounding. It hurts. He turns around and was angry with whoever embarrassed him in front of all of these people. He was about to yell as loud as he could when he suddenly sees a much scarier form in front of him. Not a lot of things can frighten Aoba Johsai’s captain easily, but an irate, dark spiked-up haired guy might be the one to do it.
It was at that moment the setter knew that he should’ve stayed at home.
- - -
Oikawa is actually grateful to have Iwai-chan in his life. Iwaizumi serves as his own support system for all of these years. The captain knows that he wasn’t always the great player or the Great King as people made him out to be. Back then, Oikawa beats himself up for not being the best and almost practices up to the point of exhaustion that he can easily take his temper out on others. Iwaizumi is quite observant and quick-witted to watch for Oikawa’s faults and smacks some sense back into him if he knows he’s going too far off the deep end. This ace isn’t going to let his setter go and ruin himself. He wants to see Oikawa thrive and continue to try hard enough to be the best volleyball player that he could be. And each time Iwaizumi does this and makes the setter look into his eyes, Oikawa is very much paying close attention to the ace’s words, features, and reasons.
- - -
The captain’s plan worked. He got Iwaizumi’s attention, which is why he started all of this. He didn’t really plan on getting hurt by his teammate, but nonetheless, he’s glad that he did. If there are only two things that can make this setter smile and feel giddy at times, then that must be volleyball and that ace of his.
Oikawa has feelings for Iwaizumi like no other. He can’t really figure out how to explain or describe it himself. He knows he cares deeply for the ace and he appreciates Iwai-chan’s thoughtfulness for all of these years that they played together. All those good times and all the bad times, they went through them together.
- - -
Iwaizumi says he doesn’t care what Oikawa does on his free time. He really doesn’t. He doesn’t even care if the captain knows what he even does on his own free time.
Except for the fact that Iwaizumi Hajime actually does care.
- - -
Oikawa is good at games and playful teasing. Iwaizumi is the more serious and firm type of guy. They both make pretty good teammates and represent Aoba Johsai well.
What if there is something more between them? Is there something more?
They both think to themselves, “Am I falling in love with the one who could break my heart?”
- KᴀɪʙᴀSʜᴀᴅᴏᴡ ♥
——————————————————————————————-
Fan Art Source:
nyoro [pixiv.net]
Edited: November-December 2020 (Video), January 5, 2021 (Story)
Uploaded: Janauray 5, 2021
Oikawa and Iwaizumi - Break My Heart (HBD AnimeBabeXX)
There are times in life when you or someone you see may feel numb, cold, or even lifeless. Something unexpected happens in a blink of an eye, which may end up changing that person’s life forever. It may be hard for someone to accept that event, and it may take some time to try to move on as well.
We go through life making relationships with other people, animals, and/or etc. whether that be by familial, platonic, romantic, and/or etc. relationships. Each of these relationships help us define who we are and how we can relate and cope with one another. We continue to learn how to live and adapt to changes in life, even if we feel angry or upset at the world or even the entire universe or something beyond our reach during this point in time. They may say that this is a normal feeling. This is a part of the grieving process. It’s supposed to feel like this. Each person may act differently when it comes to this, but it still hurts no matter how long it has been. We miss those people and animals and the feelings that we shared with one another.
Remember all those good times whenever someone or something made you smile. Those people who accept who you are, hold them close to your heart. Remember all those memories that were good. Remember all the times where you laughed and you cried because you were surrounded by the people, animals, and things that you love. Never forget about any of them. Make and treasure those memories, take long-lasting pictures and lengthy videos, write it all down in detail in a notebook or a journal, draw and create wonderful and beautiful art that will help you remember for years to come how it made you feel that day.
No one ever wants to say goodbye to someone who is very important to them. The thought may be too unimaginable to overcome by oneself. So, let’s not say goodbye. Let’s hug and say, “We’ll meet again someday. I’ll never forget you. I’ll make sure of it!”
Crying and tearfulness are usually associated with sadness, frustration, and pain. It’s normal to let the tears fall out during times like these. This is a human emotion that we all experience. We all have our own way on making us feel better, but it’s nice to have someone in our corner who can understand and can comfort us whenever we feel like this. We don’t have to feel alone or by ourselves if they are here by our side. They are the light that make us feel joy. They can make us smile again.
Look towards the sky and feel the wind blowing gently around you. Remember what it’s like to be able to enjoy the peaceful scenery and the breathtaking view. Share it with others and find other common interests and continue to maintain these relationships while finding other passions in life.
Even the smallest, simplest things can make a huge difference in our moods. It may inspire us to do better in our lives. It may make us think of such good times. Even memories have a way of finding back and reminding us who we are. Those that we hold close, remember how they feel and how they make us feel. They will always be a part of us no matter where we go in life.
Even if it is just for a brief moment, take the time to remember them. Those who make you happy or feel intrigued helped shaped the person that you have become. Even if the memories are all that we have left of them, they aren’t gone. They are forever with us, maybe watching over us from a distance or even close by, and they are continuing to support us in their own way. They cherish us with all of their heart, mind, and soul, so let us pursue and honor their memory in the best way we know how. Let us spread love and joy to ourselves and to others.
“Who cares if one more light goes out?”
When you are ready to come back, when you are ready to talk about it, we’ll be here for you.
“Welcome, Uryu Ishida,” greets the eager Espada, Szayelaporro Granz. The pink-haired scientist smirks at the dark-haired Quincy. He has been focusing on Uryu for quite a while now and has an interest in the smart human. Szayel wants to try some experiments with the Quincy that that may or may not involve whipping the scientist in some form of fashion if he dares to misbehave.
Uryu has had enough of the Espada’s tricks and threatens to shoot him with his Seele Schneider if he does not get on with the battle.
The scientist gives no answer to the young male. However, he should have thought twice before testing the Quincy’s patience.
Uryu’s aim is spot on as he shoots Szayelaporro in the abdomen. It is not enough to kill him, but the human wants to prove his point. He wants to let him know that he is very serious when it comes to battling. He has no time for any of scientist’s cryptic games.
Szayelaporro gazes at the Quincy in front of him and is amazed at what he sees. Even though he faces his enemy standing tall and strong with a desire to defeat him, Szayel’s thoughts take him somewhere else. Is it curiosity? Is this love? The pink-haired male is not sure, but one thing is definitely on his mind. “It’s just that no one makes me feel this way,” he tells the unsuspecting Uryu Ishida. Even the Quincy’s smile captivates him in such an indescribable way.
The Quincy looks away for one second just to find his opponent shirtless. He formulates his own theories in his mind. What is his game? What is he trying to do? The Quincy excels in analyzing his opponents quite closely, but he does not know what the Espada’s intentions are.
Szayelaporro eyes Uryu like he is a tasty treat. There is no way he is going to let this specimen get away from him.
The scientist’s fast approach startles Uryu. The Quincy is not used to not being able to read his opponent’s schemes. He is observant. He is quick-witted. He has to figure out how to beat this battle against the pink-haired male in front of him.
However, Szayelaporro is someone who often hides his true plans. He may give obscure hints to others around him, but it isn’t until it’s too late for his enemies to gain the upper hand. Is this the same case with this Quincy?
Uryu either cannot tell what is going on or has trouble deciphering the scientist’s current behavior and advances. If Szayelaporro Granz does not want to fight, then what exactly does he want to do that involves Uyru?
It seems like a casual conversation between the Espada and the Quincy going on between the battle. It’s as if they are both taking a break from fighting each other, however, that doesn’t seem to be what’s going on right now. Szayel wants to tempt Uryu and tells him, “Come to the back.”
Uryu seems to be slightly distraught as he continues to ponder about the scientist in front of him. However, the scientist is his enemy. He will not be swayed by any cheap tricks. He lifts his Quincy bow up and decides to shoot his opponent to see how he would respond.
The light of the arrow travels toward the Espada and quickly dissipates out of thin air. Szayel is not hurt at all. He seems even more amused by his foe’s failed attempt. He openly holds out his hand for the Quincy, just puzzling Uryu even more with this problem.
What exactly is Szayel’s true intentions? What kind of battle is going on? Who will win between the two of them? The Espada or the Quincy? You decide what happens next.
Story 2:
Shoyo Hinata confronts the people in front of him who are messing with him and the guy behind him.
However, Tobio Kageyama knows quite well that whatever this situation is, this has nothing to do with that boke. Instead, he decides to ask Kei Tsukishima what his deal is.
Kageyama first notices Tsukishima during volleyball practice. It’s really not that hard to miss the tallest person in the gym, especially if he is blonde, has glasses, and looks at you with a snarky, condescending tone. The setter silently challenges the middle blocker to a game of volleyball with the ball in his hand. Kageyama learns a lot about the players by observing them carefully during a match. Little did he know what Tsukishima’s plans are at that point.
The setter has quite an interest to his favorite sport, but he cannot tell what his teammate is up to. Does he want to play a game at that time? Is there even enough players for such a game? How long as Tsukishima been holding onto that ball anyway? Is it even the same ball that we used during practice today?
This isn’t the blonde’s first time seeing his teammate and rival in front of him. Tsukishima has his eyes on Kageyama, but who knows for how long? He wants to know things about the setter. What makes the King tick? What are his weaknesses? Can I expose and exploit them to my own advantage?
Tsukishima smirks as he makes his way towards the King. Just what is going on in each of their heads right now? What kind of interaction is this? Is this a good encounter or a terrible one?
Kageyama watches and remembers Tsukishima’s serves when it comes to volleyball. It’s not as strong or intense as his own, but as long as his serves go over the net and makes a valid play, he can respect the tall blonde’s choice in that regard.
Kageyama eyes the ball and gets ready to set. Then, he realizes something: Both Tsukishima and him have volleyball in common. Is this the middle blocker’s way of getting closer to the setter?
Tsukishima makes sure that Kageyama is looking right at the ball. The middle blocker wants to make the setter figure out what the volleyball actually represents: a pair of shackles that binds the two together and tethers them to this game. There’s no escaping of any kind from here on out.
The setter feels the middle blocker eying him carefully. Tsukishima makes it very clear that Kageyama is the King here. And what role does Tsukishima play? He tells him in an enticing tone, “Baby, I’m your slave.”
Kageyama recalls and recognizes that same irritatingly, fierce smirk that Tsukishima has given to him earlier that day. He thought he did that to piss the setter off, but now, Kageyama isn’t too sure. It’s true that the setter was having some difficulty reading his opponent’s playstyle and behaviors. Kageyama knows that Tsukishima is a very smart guy. And the way the middle blocker is making the strong setter feel right now frustrates him to his wit’s end.
Kageyama forcefully grips Tsukishima’s collar, making the middle blocker drop the volleyball.
Tsukishima likes seeing the setter become angry with him. He knows very well that the setter won’t try anything harmful, especially with witnesses around. Though, the middle blocker finds it very amusing and satisfying to tempt Kageyama to do something. “I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave,” taunts the tall blonde.
The dark-haired setter actually contemplates about that request. Though, he may not plan on acting on it now, he truly is plotting his revenge on the middle blocker.
From time to time, Kageyama and Tsukishima often find each other either arguing or trying to one-up the other. The middle blocker has a way of messing with the setter’s ego, and the latter is often irritated just by looking at him. And with the way they act around each other, it never goes unnoticed by their own teammates. Will these two ever find a common ground? Will they eventually get along and respect each other? Is there something more between them than just volleyball? You decide how this goes.
Story 3:
(Will write DR story later, and will have to re-edit the two stories above at a later time. I hope you enjoy watching and reading!)
Tsukishima Kei enters the gym and grabs his belongings. He glances over at the other teammates running and practicing their volleyball skills. He observes them from a distance and takes mental notes of their current strengths and weaknesses.
You’re not good enough.
Tsukishima attempts to hide those bad thoughts and goes to the Third Gym to train with a few other volleyball players. He tries so hard to block Bokuto Kotaro’s spikes, but alas, he could not stop them.
You really think you’re different? Man, you must be kidding.
Akaashi Keiji senses something must be on Tsukishima’s mind and walks over to talk to him.
Tsukishima notices, smiles, and assures Fukurodani’s setter, “I have to tell myself, ‘Think you’re gonna hit it,’” and turns away from him.
Akaashi does not believe Tsukishima for a single second but chooses to leave the matter alone for now. After all, he knows that the tallest Karasuno player does not really open up to anyone or admit his own faults easily.
But you just don’t get it.
Tsukishima knows that having these terrible thoughts is affecting him. He wants to get them out, but he is not sure how to. He makes an effort to work out with Yamaguchi and his other teammates to see if this could be his positive reinforcement.
It’s impossible. It’s not probable. You’re irresponsible.
Tsukishima gets easily exhausted and more negative notions continue to plague his mind. He cannot concentrate on what is going on around him. He feels out of breath. Sweat constantly drips out from him. He is on the verge of just giving up. What is he even doing this for?
Tsukishima looks up and recognizes someone from across the court. Oikawa Toru, one of his greatest rivals.
Oikawa points at Tsukishima, often challenging the tall player and baiting him just to get some kind of reaction. Oikawa does not have to say anything at all, but Tsukishima can tell that that Aoba Johsai’s setter is mocking him with every intent of making the blonde guy mad. It’s like he is telling him, “You can’t be a pro. Don’t waste your time no more.”
It’s one thing when Tsukishima knows he can’t do certain tasks or things on his own, but when somebody else tells him that, Tsukishima does not like it at all. He vows to beat Oikawa at his own game, and he will train even harder to reach that goal.
- - -
Kageyama Tobio realizes that Tsukishima is focused on the practice game more than usual, but just the mere thought of seeing Tsukishima there by his side somehow pisses him off. Something Tsukishima said earlier irks the Karasuno setter, “Watch your mouth.”
Tsukishima replies back with a snarky comment of his own, “I don’t give a damn if you disapprove.”
They start to fight with each other, and Ennoshita Chikara can’t help but feel embarrassed by them, knowing that someone is going to have to break the first years apart soon.
- - -
Tsukishima continues to practice even when he is not forced to. He watches everyone’s movements and the gameplay very carefully, especially Hinata Shoyo’s. He secretly wants to stop Hinata’s and Kageyama’s quick attack just even once. He will make his move because that is what he wants to do.
- - -
There is a practice game going on with Aoba Johsai and Karasuno. The positions are set for both teams and everyone knows their own roles. Oikawa specifically targets one person on the other side of the net, Tsukishima Kei. He knows for a fact that his dear ole Tsukki can never master any receives coming from his own powerful serves. He purposely wants to block Tsukishima’s vision.
Tsukishima knows that he was an easy target for the third year and tries his best to receive, but ends up failing to do so. Tsukishima has felt Oikawa’s strong serve bounce heavily on his arms. He beats himself up for it. “Damn!” Tsukishima knows that he needs to do better and he has to do it fast. Oikawa has his eyes set on him, and there is no way he is out of the zone in this state yet.
Someone once told Tsukishima this: “’Cause you hold the power as long as you’re driven.”
Oikawa serves the ball and aims straight for the first year again.
Tsukishima gets into position and receives the ball. The ball goes up, and the game continues on.
- - -
After the game, Tsukishima walks around at night to reflect on his own thoughts.
You’re never gonna make it.
He has many things on his mind, most of them often bringing himself down. Why am I doing any of this? What is the point-
“Tsukki!!!” That nickname alone stops the pessimistic guy on his tracks.
Yamaguchi Tadashi rushes out like a bullet train. He will not allow Tsukki to be alone with these thoughts in his mind. He knows what he has to do to bring his best friend back to his senses.
There’s no way that you make it.
Tsukki turns around and faces his childhood friend. “What?” he asks.
Yamaguchi starts getting mad at his best friend. He tells him, “You’ve been acting really lame lately, okay!”
Tsukki knows that Yamaguchi looks up to him like a role model, but Tsukishima wants, no, he needs to have a reason to keep playing volleyball. Tsukishima does not have the best experiences when it comes to this sport. “Why does it even matter?” he yells out to Yams.
Yamaguchi has had enough of Tsukishima’s lame antics, so he grabs Tsukki’s shirt and makes him listen to him. “Don’t be an idiot! It’s our sense of pride! What more do you need?” Yamaguchi rarely ever expresses his anger towards anyone or anything, but if this is enough to get through to his best friend, he will not hesitate to do this again.
Tsukishima is quite surprised to see Yamaguchi like this. Watching Yamaguchi makes Tsukki realize something as if he is looking at a mirror right now. But Tsukishima questions his best friend, “Are you just gonna take that?” He knows of his teammate’s failures and uses this argument against him, but he wants to know if this is his ultimate reason, his own drive to keep moving forward in all of this.
Yamaguchi does not let up and he does not back down. He is aware of his own faults, but he strives to get better. That’s all that once can do in life after all. Don’t give up and don’t quit now.
Tsukishima does not have to hear a single word to know what Yamaguchi is thinking. He is an observant person, and he does not want to let his best friend down. “Or will you fucking fight back?”
Tsukishima’s response surprises Yams. He did not expect for Tsukki to believe him, let alone, see a genuine grin. All is well for both athletes.
- - -
The next practice game is between Fukurodani and Karasuno. Tsukishima focuses on everything that Nekoma’s middle blocker, Kuroo Tetsurou has taught him. “Insert power all the way up to your fingertips so they never get blown back.”
Tsukishima tries this method against Bokuto.
Bokuto senses a change in aura against Karasuno’s number eleven. It sends a chill down his spine that he is barely aware of where the volleyball is at that moment. The ace manages to send the ball over the blockers and score a point in that manner.
On that night after the game, Bokuto goes over to Tsukishima and points at him. He deems him worthy of being his opponent and his friend. He also helps his boy, Tsukki out by giving his own reasons for playing volleyball.
- - -
After a little while, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi decide to go to the park and have a couple of refreshments there. Tsukishima feels better being around with Yamaguchi as he listens to his music through his headphones.
Meanwhile, Yamaguchi takes this time to reflect back to his own past.
- - -
As a young boy, it was always easy for the other kids to pick on him. Maybe because he was small? Or he was weak? Or he did not fit in with the other kids at all. Yamaguchi gets bullied enough that he cries in front of all of his bullies, to which they make fun of him even more.
Yamaguchi does not often look at his own reflection in the mirror. It just reminds him of back then when he could not face his own problems. Luckily though, something good did happen during that one time in the playground.
Tsukishima Kei. Even for his age back then, Tsukki is quite tall. He was curious about the situation going on while he was walking from school to his house and notice that the small freckled-boy in the green hoodie was in trouble. Tsukki is not the type of person to intervene, but when Yamaguchi and the bullies see him, Tsukishima smiles and states, “That’s so lame.” With that, he starts walking away.
No one knows what he is talking about and has blank looks on their faces. One of the bullies decides to take matters into his own hands and chases after Tsukishima. He roughly grabs Tsukishima’s bag to get his attention. Little did he know that that would be a grave mistake.
Because of Tsukishima’s height, he uses this to his advantage and intimidates the bully. “Stop what you’re saying. Stop what you’re making.”
The scaredy-cat starts to run away, and his other two lackies follow, leaving Yamaguchi alone. The bully gets one last sentence in before leaving the scene, “Everybody here knows that you’re just faking.”
Tsukishima laughs. He is completely unphased by the short boy’s words and chooses to ignore him.
And from that day on, Yamaguchi has someone to look up to.
- - -
Tsukishima ponders to himself, (Wait, I was that cute back then?). Nah!
- - -
Kuroo and Akaashi try to talk to Tsukishima to see where his head is at. They know that he will eventually have to go up against Oikawa and his team, so they want to make sure that their fellow middle blocker is ready for them.
Tsukishima smiles at them and says, “I don’t wanna hear it anymore.” He leaves thm to go find some peace and quiet.
Yamaguchi finds Tsukishima and tries to talk to him, but Tsukishima is quite tired and sick of people asking him about Oikawa. “I don’t wanna hear it anymore,” he repeats one last time. Tsukishima knows that he is in a bad mood, but for once, he does not want to spend his time thinking about that setter. No matter how much he tries, it’s as if Oikawa has found a way to somehow psychologically mock him without being anywhere near him.
- - -
Tsukishima’s thoughts continue to consume him even in the next practice game against Aoba Johsai. He sees Oikawa talking with his teammates to boost their confidence and their morale.
Tsukishima decides that he has had enough. To truly get these wicked thoughts out of his head, he has to beat Oikawa. He knows he cannot do this on his own, so he has to rely on his other teammates, especially the so-called King. Kageyama Tobio.
Kageyama agrees to back up Tsukishima and puts his money where his mouth is. “I’m about to shut the motherf*ckin door.” Seeing this side of the king makes the middle blocker excited to see how the outcome of this game will turn out.
Tsukishima takes a page out of king’s book and trash talks the other team mainly to keep his spirits up. “With all you poor ass haters with your heads in the clouds, talking out loud so proud…”
Oikawa turns to look at the Karasuno players. He looks forward to this match and beating Tsukishima once again.
Tsukishima has a feeling that Oikawa is focusing more on him than the others, but is unable to say anything. Instead, Yamaguchi catches on and exclaims, “You better shut your damn mouth, before I do more than speak out!”
Tsukishima just stands there and eyes the setter in front of him. He may not show it, but he tries to remember when the last time Yamaguchi cussed someone out or even if he ever cussed at all before. He knows that Yams is serious when he says this, so he vows to back him up in any way that he can.
- - -
Yamaguchi clearly remembers the last time they had an official game against Aoba Johsai. He was a nervous trainwreck being put into the game at that time. He knew that he wasn’t like the other first-year players who started in the lineup. He has every single reason to be afraid at that moment, but he has to at least give it a try. Maybe luck was on his side. Maybe he can do it.
You’re never gonna make it.
Yamaguchi puts the ball up and serves. The ball touches the top of the net and stays in place for about two seconds before falling slowly back into the ground. The pinch server’s open mouth turns into one of disappointment. He’s upset. He feels sad. He has let himself down. Even when the coach tells hims that it was not his fault, Yamaguchi can’t help but feel like he is not like all the others.
There’s no way that you make it.
Yamaguchi does not want to just give up without trying. He looks for some kind of inspiration, some kind of goal to set and surpass in order to give him the drive that he needs to do better.
Maybe you could fake it.
Yamaguchi gazes at Oikawa, knowing that he is a very powerful volleyball player. His reputation precedes him. Oikawa is one of the best players out there in the court and in the country. Yamaguchi strives to be like him, but he is so far out of reach. If he puts the time and effort, would he be able to be like him?
But you’re never gonna make it.
Yamaguchi has his goal in mind, but in order to reach it, he has to clear many obstacles ahead of him. The first step is to get himself to calm down when stepping into the court.
He remembers that experience as clear as day. One step on the court, and the whole atmosphere changes. He isn’t someone just standing by in the sidelines anymore. He might not be a starter, but he was put into this game for a reason. All eyes are on him now. Will he be able to gain control, or will he falter once again?
- - -
Are you just gonna take that?
Yamaguchi is determined to get his pride back. He has to get it back. He needs to show Tsukki that putting all of this work is worth it.
Yamaguchi reminds himself, “I’m not a confrontational guy, but I still went off on Tsukki the other day.”
Yamaguchi has to back his own claim up. He had the courage to stand up against the one guy he admires most of all. His very own best friend. Tsukishima Kei. He got Tsukki to finally listen to him. Now, it’s time to prove it to himself and everyone else that he has the skills to play on this court.
Make them take it all back.
From taking advice from others, practicing countless hours into improving his craft, and his own past experiences, number twelve of Karasuno makes sure that he takes everything that he has learned into account and puts every single one of them into great use. He is going to take his shot. This is his chance. His chance to show them up.
Yamaguchi does not let any distractions from crowd interfere with his process. Karasuno has his back no matter what. It’s time to show Aoba Johsai what this team is all about.
Don’t tell me you believe that.
Kei does his best to give some helpful advice to Tadashi. “We’re all just thinking about how lucky we’ll be if we can get this.”
Yamaguchi remembers Tsukishima’s words. Tsukishima rarely ever shows his emotion, but he believes that this best friend can do this. He puts all of his trust and faith into the pinch server.
Yamaguchi holds the ball up in front of him.
Oikawa watches Tsukishima and Yamaguchi with careful intent. He thinks that Yamaguchi will mess up his serve just like he had done before. There is no need to be worried at all about this.
Yamaguchi takes a deep breath in and clears his mind. All eyes are on him now. He has the ball. He knows what to do. He has trained and conditioned himself well for this exact moment.
Are you just gonna take that?
The referee blows the whistle. That’s the start. He has eight seconds to get the ball up into play.
Yamaguchi tosses the ball up in the air. He eyes the ball carefully and jumps up in the air. He controls his body’s movements as the ball falls down towards him.
As soon as it is in his path, he hits it. The ball floats in the air and is over the net. Every player keeps their eye on the ball. Aoba Johsai’s libero tells his teammate, “It’s out.” But is he so sure?
The ball goes in between them and falls within bounds. It’s in!
Oikawa despises jump float serves. Its trajectory and its course can throw off players’ perception. He does not know if he should be mad that Karasuno got the point or if it’s that rival of his that was able to make a service ace at that time.
Yamaguchi feels that moment with pride. He got it in! Karasuno has another weapon in their arsenal, and it is their spear. All of his teammates and happy and excited that Yamaguchi was able to nail that service ace.
But the game is not over yet. After the short celebration, Yamaguchi knows that Aoba Johsai will soon figure out how to return his own serve, so he has to be ready to fight back. He has his eye on the ball at all times.
However, Yamaguchi is not the only one watching the volleyball. Tsukishima always assesses the situation and plans ahead. He knows exactly where and how to hit the volleyball to score a point for his team.
Tsukishima jumps up. Three blockers in his way in front of him, but that won’t stop this middle blocker. Oikawa has left a wide opening to his right, and Tsukishima uses this fact to his advantage.
He makes sure that the ball softly touches Oikawa’s fingertips. He did this mainly to ensure that he would win the point as well as mocking Oikawa at his own game. He was also not going to let Yamaguchi’s serve go to waste. Tsukishima faces Oikawa and feels satisfied over seeing his rival being annoyed at him for a change.
Tsukishima bends down to pick up the ball when he hears Yamaguchi cheering his name, “Tsukki!”
He turns around and tells his teammate, “Do it again.” He tosses the ball over to him.
Yamaguchi catches it, surprised to hear Tsukki say some encouraging words, but he knows exactly what he needs to do. He smiles and nods at him.
Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi continue to have their moments in volleyball. They encourage each other. They look out for one another. They represent numbers “Eleven” and “Twelve” of Karasuno. They are the Shield and the Spear. They understand their roles in all of this. They have an affinity for this sport. The sport that bonded them together since childhood. That time when they became best friends. Best friends who grow and learn how to fight back!
Kei Tsukishima is a force to be reckoned with. He has a plan going into this game: To block a few of Ushijima’s spikes. He has been told and known for having the height, the brains, and the reflexes when it comes to volleyball. He might as well put all of these qualities into good use.
There is an opportunity where the play from the other team is less than ideal for them and more so for Karasuno. Tsukishima catches onto that play rather quickly and never loses sight of the ball. He carefully watches the other team’s movements on the court and assesses his next plan of action. He does not need to worry about running into his teammates or any of them being in his way. They trust him, and they will do whatever it takes to fight and win.
The setter sets the position for Ushijima. The ball goes up and leaves the setter’s hands as the ace jumps for it. Ushijima controls his own body’s movements up in the air and feels the volleyball touch his left hand just for a mere second. He sees the small view of the opening in his line of sight. Only two blockers in his way, but their defense is utterly hopeless. He can get past them with very little effort and no problem at all.
Ushijima spikes the ball in a split-second decision and goes in for the kill.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
The volleyball hits the floor with a loud thud, but it is in the wrong side of the court for the wing spiker. That ball may only have hit the floor once, but that sound reverberates in everyone’s minds. As everyone watches the monitor show instant replays from different camera angles of that last play, no one could believe what they just witnessed.
What just happened? How did it end up there? Karasuno got another point? Wait, did Ushiwaka get blocked? He blocked Ushijima? The guy with the glasses did that? Who is that guy?
Kei Tsukishima is a force to be reckoned with. In that one instance, in that one play, that is all it took for Tsukishima to stop the captain of Shiratorizawa.
He is never going to forget this feeling. He is ecstatic. He is excited. He is very proud of himself to be able to read block the play at this important moment. This is an ultimate game-changer for this middle blocker. He passionately grips the air and all of his emotions that he had built up inside of him comes crashing down and pouring out in a loud, long, unforgettable scream.
Everyone in the gym erupts and cheers for the young volleyball player. Everyone is surprised that someone like Tsukishima could even block someone like Ushijima. They want to see more plays like this. They all know that this would be a good game.
Those who know Tsukishima want to remember this exact moment. The moment where Kei Tsukishima got hooked into volleyball and fell in love with the sport.
- - -
The game continues on. Tsukishima does his best to be an active volleyball player on the court. He also pays close attention to everyone’s movements, the volleyball, and the gameplay. He still continues to plan and think about different scenarios and best courses of actions for Karasuno, even whenever he is off the court. This man always thinks ahead and in the moment. He keeps a level head and does not let others get to him. He might not have really shown this before, but Kei Tsukishima does not want to lose. He wants to win, and the only way to do that is to make the rugged climb towards the battle in front of him and score as many points as he can. He needs to beat that mountain of a school, Shiratorizawa. It already is and will continue to be hard, exhausting, and difficult to achieve, but that is not enough to stop the tallest Karasuno player from doing such a thing. He will not be intimidated or shut down by the other team. He will not let the ball get past him. As long as his teammates have his back, he knows that he is not going through this alone.
- - -
However, Kei Tsukishima has had some doubts lately as well. They bother him from time-to-time, but he will not pretend that they do not exist in the first place. After all, he does tend to ponder about a lot of issues almost all of the time.
After the point is scored, when the ball is not in play, when both teams have a few moments just to catch their breath before hearing the whistle blow for the server to start serving the ball, Tsukishima’s eyes focuses on the net and the court. He sometimes thinks about what may happen in the future. Will he wake up one day and realize that he does not want to play volleyball anymore? Will he lose that passion and that drive for the game? Will he regret his decisions for playing this sport in the first place?
“Will I be gone? Will I forget any of this?”
Tsukishima is not the type of person who can easily express his emotions. He has his own insecurities that he often hides away from other people. So, if anyone watches very closely, they can see the middle blocker deep in thought about everything. Tsukishima has a lot of questions in his mind, but the one question that he constantly goes back and forth on is this:
“Will I be able to walk away from it all?”
- - -
When it is game time, Tsukishima displaces all of his thoughts into the back of his mind and focuses his full attention back on the game. He will not let the other team get a point past him. That number 11 of Karasuno read blocks the plays and gives plenty of opportunities for his other teammates to score the points.
Of course, Kei Tsukishima will not let them have all the fun. After all, when he gets the chance to, he will also score some of those crucial points as well.
This clever blocker makes his own decision. After careful analysis and spending some time contemplating on his own, he realizes that right now, it does not matter what that distant future will be like up ahead for him. This is his life, and he wants to enjoy every single moment of this sport. His pride, his reputation, and his skills are on the line now. He will do his very best in those moments to fight right now and win this game.
