You're lovely, but you're empty

My father gave me a ruined boy to compensate for the fact that he does not love me. The boy is fragile, broken—broke himself—broke everything. I asked him why he did it. He said because the world was unlivable. He said it was unlovable, but I think he meant himself. I think he meant that loneliness is sometimes painful. I curl against him, tuck my head beneath his chin and listen to his heart. It says stay and wait. It says regret. He knows what it is to want love, a love so fierce you grow roots. I hear his heart say please.

[kalebkorvick]

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@kalebkorvick:  Not a bad place 
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[rainbowsociety-deactivated20190]

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

3. The person you would never want to meet?

4. What is your favorite word?

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

7. What shirt are you wearing?

8. What do you label yourself as?

9. Bright room or dark room?

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

12. Who told you they loved you last?

13. Your worst enemy?

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

16. The last song you listened to?

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? 

29. What is your favorite expletive?

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

34. What was your last dream about?

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

38. What is the color of your socks?

39. What type of music do you like?

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

43. Do you have any scars?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

46. Are you reliable?

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

48. Do you hold grudges?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

51. Are you a good liar?

52. How long could you go without talking?

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

56. What do you like on your toast?

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

58. What would be you dream car?

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

64. What do you think about babies?

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

[kalebkorvick]

ainsworthjess‌:

“I’m sure being called you fuckers makes them feel really proud that they voted for you,” Jessa teased, eyebrow raised as she took a sip from her flask. In truth, she’d been pleased that they had won, having known what was going to go down if they did, thanks to Carson. “Congrats, by the way. Two crowns. Hell of an achievement. You must be so proud.” 

“Well since you are saying them and not we, Im assuming you didn’t vote for me so rude first off. And second, how dare you?” Kaleb replied, bringing their own cup to their lips. They had cleaned up most of the paint from their face and neck, it now just leaving a bit of pinkish stain across their skin. “Oh absolutely. I was aiming for king and queen but princess is fine. I get two prom royalty pictures in the yearbook and if im not mistaken ifs the first time one person has won two titles and the first time a non binary student has won in general. Just real shit that someone tried to ruin my night. Jokes on them though, i look great in red..”

[kalebkorvick]

Having known the paint was coming, Kaleb had prepared themselves for it as much as one could. What they hadn’t been prepared for was winning two titles. Holding the princess crown in their hand, they moved to place it back on their head ignoring the stickiness of the paint still present in their hair. “What a night, huh? Two crowns. I didnt know you fuckers loved me so much.”

[kalebkorvick]

astoriaaurora‌:

“I know the last thing you’d want to do is have your precious little flowers ruined,” she shook her head. “Not sure if I told my family I was planning on crashing at your place but I’d much rather spend my time after everything at your place than trying to pretend to not be drunk at my own house. What the hell is even in this?” She asked them, looking down at her cup. Aurora was never much of a drinker, so she honestly wasn’t too sure what Kaleb had brought with them to prom. 

“I spent a lot of time on them and they are real flowers.” They commented not wanting to admit how long it had taken them to get the flowers to stay in with bobby pins and hairspray.  “Well you can just text them or call them before you get too drunk. Tell them that its going to be a late night and my parents want to see us after the dance since my mother wasn’t able to get pictures before we left since we were at your house.” Of course, Kalebs parents werent going to be home but her parents didnt need to know that. “A little bit of this and a little bit of that.” 

[kalebkorvick]

suckstobecarson‌:

“That’s pretty fucked up. Georgie isn’t the nicest person, but no one deserves to be talked about like that. Now I really don’t feel bad about framing him.”

“Tyler is a disgusting person. He hides behind his intelligence but at the end of the day, he think most people are this school are beneath him and its obvious in how he treats people that are paying to be tutored by him and women he is having sex with.” 

[kalebkorvick]

nofear-cal‌:

“Even more the reason to enjoy yourself while you can right? Do I wanna die denying myself life’s simple pleasures? Or do I go out filled with booze and tacos? One of those options sounds a lot more fun to me.” He teased as he listened to them go on about their classmates. He knew they had to be right. “Do you think they were secrets worth dying for?” He asked, glancing over at Kaleb as he watched them pick up another rock and toss it off the cliff. “That’s true. You might already be marked for death as we speak.” He said, hoping that came off as jokingly as he meant it. But in reality it wasn’t far from the truth. First his mom, then his dad, Denise, Jessica. He’d become so accustomed to losing people and yet it never seemed to get any easier. When his friend sat down at the edge, he waited a moment before being invited to sit down next to them. He moved to let his own feet dangle over the edge as he watched them tell their story. “Sometimes I feel like high school forces us to wear more masks than we’re proud of.” He said softly as his eyes moved back towards the ocean. “And it’s up to use to decide when it’s okay to take them off you know? Do you want people to know how smart you are?” 

“True. Its no like if you die young people talk poorly of you. You die at our age and everyone was your friend and you were a bright student with a huge future ahead of them. Its all bullshit. Damien wasn’t anything what people thought. I don’t know the other two really well but Damien was as fake as I am. As fake as you are... as all of us. And Im sure he was terrified and alone... or at least felt it. I dont want to die alone.” Their voice breaking for a moment before they blinked back a few tears. It felt horrible talking about how they hadnt really known Nathan even though they had both been on the soccer team. “No. I don’t believe they were. I don’t think any of us have secrets worth dying for but I have to wonder if the person doing this believes we do.” It had been on their mind lately how none of the people that had died really made sense on a small scale but beginning to look at the larger picture made them think that there was some secret tying them all together.  “Wait and become a nerd? Have to hang out with Tyler? If Im anything but an Elite, Im a target But Im very smart...  smarter than Tyler and Im a really good actor and liar.” 

[kalebkorvick]

nofear-cal‌:

To Calum what they’d said was exactly the reason he didn’t let himself care that much. He wouldn’t be in high school forever and thank god for that. “I guess I’ve always thought that I have the rest of my life to worry about that kind of stuff. I only get to be 17 once you know?” He added as he picked up another rock and ran his fingers gently over the stone. It was hard but the ridges on it reminded him of his own skin. The poisonous touches that had already been there. As far as was concerned his health was already fucked. He watched as they took another sip from the bottle and nodded. “Yeah I’m not exactly the killing type, but somehow everyone around me ends up dying anyways so I wouldn’t get to close.” He shared, the statement a bit morbid but if he were being honest, it was the truest thing he could have said. “Is sad a better word for it?” He asked as he watched them look over the rock he’d handed them and give it a nice throw with a scream definitely attached. “Not angry at all.” He teased as he followed suit, tossing his own rock and letting out a scream as loud as his lungs would allow, watching as it bounced of the cliff and landed in the dark water below. 

“Maybe you dont though. I mean, this could all end tomorrow or tonight or a week from now. You only get to be you once as well. High school is shit though. So many people fear being themselves. I wonder how many of the classmates we lost were hiding huge secrets.” Kaleb smiled, slightly forced but at least a bit of realness too it and ducked their head for a moment. “Calum, I dont think me not getting too close is an option. You answered and came out in the middle of the night to talk me down from an edge.” Picking up another rock, they chucked it into the water and shrugged. “I think sad is too simple of a word.” Was the only answer given as they moved to sit down, ignoring the coolness of the cliffside beneath them as they brought their knees up to their chest. After a moment, they patted the space beside them to get Calum to join them. “Im good at a lot of things, Calum. I could be so good if anyone paid attention but they don’t. Not really. Ive known most of these people all my life and none of them know anything about me. Not really. Even Aurora doesnt know everything.” Letting out a shaky breath, they put the alcohol down. “I try so hard to be what anyone wants. At school its funny and interesting and living a life of just pure excitement and wonder that people desire. With boys its dumb but pretty. Mysterious but soft. No one can begin to understand how fucking smart I am.” 

[kalebkorvick]

nofear-cal‌:

Calum could tell from a mile away the secrets hidden behind the hidden ‘I’m fines’. Mostly because far too recently and even sometimes still he’d been the same way. The flashbacks were unrelenting but if he wanted to keep himself out of the hospital he had to play the part. He handed his friend the drink and smirked. “We’re in high school? Since when did we really do anything that was actually good for us?” He asked as he watched them take a pull from the bottle. When they were done, Calum walked himself over to the ledge. A cliff several feet above the water, opening itself before them. He looked back at the mountain behind them, grateful that it was big enough to block the moon. The only thing in front of them being the ocean and a sky full of luminous spheroids of plasma held together by their own gravity. “I’m not trying to get you killed or get my first DUI.” He teased as he picked up a rock and tossed it over the edge. “My dad and I used to come here when we’d visit my aunt and uncle before he died. Used to be our spot. Now it’s just mine.” He shared as he picked another large rock up from the ground. “He used to tell me anytime I was angry, I could come here, put all that anger into one of these and throw em off the cliff. Also coincidentally a really great place to scream.” The boy added as he offered a rock to his friend. “Wanna give it a go?” 

“True but sometimes its best to think about our health. We wont be in high school forever.” They commented softly though they didnt put much thought into what they were doing after graduation besides following Aurora wherever she chose to go. They figured that they could just plan everything else once them and Aurora settled in to their new place. Walking up after Calum, they drank more from the bottle. “Well thank you for not killing me before whoever is killing our classmates gets their chance. If whoever it is doesnt take us both out in a Romeo and Juliet style tragedy, Im going to haunt the fuck out of them.” Taking the stone, Kaleb seemed to weigh it in their hand listening over the others story on how he knew this place. Looking out towards Calum, they let out a small huff. “I can assure you that I am not angry, Calum.” Their voice steady, almost devoid of anything as they tossed the rock in the air and then caught it before looking out at the water. As soon as the rock touched their hand again, they were pulling back their arm and chucking the rock as hard as they could into the water. An almost animalistic yell coming with it as they did so. Hearing the small splash of the rock just over their dying yell, Kaleb bit their bottom lip and looked towards Calum. They watched the other for a moment bringing the alcohol back to their lips and downing a large gulp before letting out a cold laugh. “I wouldn’t call it angry.” 

[wnq-writers]

I’ve met people who have never truly met me.

cosmic-bliss  (via wordsnquotes)

[kalebkorvick]

astoriaaurora‌:

“If you really insist, Kaleb. This whole Prom King and Queen thing isn’t the end of all be, but it would be pretty cool if one of us ended up winning something. Do I really need to be on your level? My dad will probably kill me if he knows I’m drinking at prom, but I have a feeling you won’t be taking no for an answer,” She shook her head, before taking a sip of her spiked drink. 

“Yep. I absolutely insist. Anyway, it would totes ruin my flowers in my hair to wear to crown.” Smiling as she drank from her cup, they moved to drink theirs as well. “Well you are like crashing with me tonight so your dad wont even know. And he likes me. Everyone likes me. So I’ll just bat my eyes and he will forget that you are a little drunkard.” 

[kalebkorvick]

janeridley‌:

“I say that you should win both prom king and queen. You’re the only decent option anyway.” Jane was bitter about the whole evening but she didn’t need to take it out on her friend. She raised an eyebrow at them and said, “Just don’t die.” 

“Im always the only option. All times. Forever.” They stated moving to drap an arm around the other before plucking on of the flowers from their hair and place it behind her ear. “Darling, death wouldnt know what to do with me and id find my way back.” 

[kalebkorvick]

suckstobecarson‌:

“That’s a dick move. I once knew a guy who told me teaching me Mandarin was like trying to teach an elephant how to swim. It took me a few weeks to let him know that elephants can swim. In that case, I’ll definitely frame him.”

“Yeah. He was like I can explain things but I cant learn them for you. He is gross. He also talked about Georgia really rudely and then said he didnt care who he fucked as long as she has a warm and tight hole. I was like real uncomfortable with the whole thing.”

[kalebkorvick]

astoriaaurora‌:

“I’m secretly hoping that you win King and I win Queen because how perfect would that be? But somehow I have a feeling you’ll be beating me out of Queen,” she admitted to her bestfriend and date to prom. 

“Oh darling, ill give it to you if I win queen. You deserve a crown.” They commented, shifting to pour alcohol into her cup as well, capping their flask and putting it away afterwards “But first, you must be on my level.” 

[kalebkorvick]

suckstobecarson‌:

“I would be more willing to do that if I knew him, but I don’t. I’m not against taking the credit for it. It’s not like they can give me detention this late.” 

“He is a prick. Told me he couldnt tutor me because you cant teach a fish to climb a tree because like im apparently totes dumb.” Kaleb replied bringing their glass to their mouth. “He is an ass and deserves it.” 

[kalebkorvick]

suckstobecarson‌:

“I’m all for it. I’ll just have to find a bucket of red paint and we’ll be good. At least this way, no one will ever forget your winning.”

“We can also just blame it all on Tyler as well. Say you saw him with a bucket and then like somehow put a copy of the video on his like laptop.” Kaleb slurred off before rolling their eyes. “He thinks he is so smart,” 

[kalebkorvick]

suckstobecarson‌:

“Yeah, I saw. I voted for you on both, so I hope you win. It’ll definitely make it a night to remember. I know it’s become a cliche to expect someone to be Carried at prom, but I’ve never actually seen it happen outside of that movie.”

“Well lets put it this way, yea. If I win, I’ll let you Carrie me even if we have to like stage the whole thing and some shit.” They replied quickly with a shrug. “We can like film it and everything. Put it through the video announcements so the school sees it. It will be great.”