Kali Haze

a photoblog of my daily life, neighbourhood and work as a street based sex worker living and working in Vancouver’s DTES.

[kalihaze604]

l i e s

would you lie to someone if you knew they were a psychic and could tell every time you said something false or misleading? Would you even bother if you knew that I saw through it all? Or would you just not bother me and go find a less aware and less intuitive victim? Please stop embarrassing yourself like that, silly. The more I develop my intuitive gifts, the less I can tolerate pathalogical liars. I feel sorry for them, that they feel compelled to live lives of falsehood and fakeness, trapped by the constructs and limitations of their own delusions. But I’m not allowing them to weaponize my empathy against me. My soul is just too old for that. I crave soul food, not eye candy.

[artbylittlebug]

[artbylittlebug]

[eggsdoodz]

could be us

[artbylittlebug]

[kalihaze604]

Past life deep dive:

Tuesday, October 22nd, 2024

Over the last couple years, I’ve been extremely blessed to have learned about my 3 most recent past lives. My soul is deeply tied to Vancouver and the sex work industry. In all 3 past lives, I was born somewhere else and travelled to Vancouver to live and work here as a sex worker. This is the last 125~ish years. Recently I’ve started to channel information about another lifetime in Vancouver that was around the last few decades of pre-colonization and the start of around when white folks started showing up to change/ruin everything with entitlement, destruction, violence and greed. In the past life incarnation that I have been blessed to learn the most about; I was a young Indigenous woman who was born and raised on Wet’su’weten territory in the 1940’s, thrown in residential school, got pregnant and gave birth to a son, and then travelled down to Vancouver to find work to support myself and my child by doing sex work. I was murdered in 1964 at the Balmoral and my son was taken away from me and the rest of his family in the 60’s scoop. My son’s soul spent the next 53 years searching for his mom. He came back to me as one of my favourite clients in 2017 and when we were having paid sex I started randomly getting visions of our past life together where I was his mom and he was my child. I told him about my visions eventually and we ended up growing very very close and our relationship went from a transaction to being unpaid. He lost his job and had a mental breakdown and the relationship fell apart. We later became close friends again and I felt compelled to do whatever I could to make up for the last lifetime and how i didn’t get to raise him because I got murdered and he got taken away in the 60’s scoop. For awhile I was sort of a hoodmom of sorts to him, one of the only people he felt safe opening up to and confiding in. The last couple years were rough on him and we often will get into arguments and not talk for awhile and then we’ll start talking again like nothing happened and pick up where we left off. But we felt it was just too weird to keep having sex with the past life dynamic changing the way we both felt towards eachother. I know that things were very different in the last lifetime we shared and it was definitely a learning experience on my part - learning that just because things were a certain way in the past does not mean that the same dynamics are present or apply in the current lifetime. I ran into him a couple weeks ago and went for a little walk with him and talked. It seems like he’s moving towards a better direction in life away from the chaos and gravitating towards what I want for him, which is for him to get into environmental stewardship as he’s deeply passionate about the water and the living beings that inhabit oceans/rivers/lakes. Funny thing, out of the last 3 lifetimes and past 125+ years, he’s the only child that I have given birth to. In this current lifetime I often flip flop between not wanting to have kids or anything to do with biological family and feeling like I want to be in a hoodmom role of sorts to chosen family members+close friends. My childhood trauma has pretty much prevented me from wanting children of my own. I feel like I struggle even being a cat mom because my cat expects things from me that I never received from my family and triggers my trauma with his behaviour sometimes. I’ve learned so much about this one past lifetime it’s just absolutely mind blowing. It truly was the catalyst that started my exploration of my other past lives and got my intuition+clairvoyance bumping channeled messages. I feel like this post has just barely scraped the surface of what I’ve learned about that lifetime, it’s a lot of information.

[kalihaze604]

I don’t want to be here

just like I predicted, not a single client sent me a single dollar today. I also lost my wallet and my bank card just to make today even worse. I’m sick and tired of never getting any support, feeling like nobody cares if I live or die. I just want to disappear and most people in my life treat me like I’m already dead.

[kalihaze604]

34

I don’t know how to feel about my upcoming birthday other than feeling like just treating it like another day? Birthdays have always been used by narcissistic abusers in my life as a event to ruin with their abuse because they can’t stand someone other than them being the center of attention so they feel the need to ruin events and birthdays by stealing all the attention with their horrific, manipulative behaviour. They don’t want me to be able to enjoy a single special day without them interrupting to inflict more harm upon me. My abusive parents always insisted upon swooping back into my life for birthdays and Hallmark holidays, offering meaningless gifts that show how little they know me, offering to take me shopping and then fight me over every single item I ask them to buy, or giving me small amounts of money that they get mad at me for spending too fast?! I’ve had Narc clients and finsubs offer to take me shopping only to not be able to communicate how much they’re willing to spend and getting mad at me for spending $400 at Sephora in 15 mins because they kept saying yes and not looking at the prices until checkout time.

I feel like I’m not looking forward to my birthday? I’m literally bracing myself for another horrible day where people remind me how much they do not love me, and instead show me how much they hate me and don’t care if I live or die, let alone care if I have a good day. I have never been able to celebrate this day, it’s always been used for hurt me. It’s a day where I wonder why I was so delusional as to stick around for another year hoping things will get better instead of worse.

I honestly expect nothing for my birthday. I don’t expect a single present. Not even a hallmark card with empty words. I’ve removed so many people from my life that were never really friends or admirers, just energy vampires looking to steal from me. I don’t really even have many clients left because my standards are so high that I can’t put up with people trying to make my life more difficult, can’t put up with tricks trying to push my body into a flareup without compensating me for my stolen labour, time and potential earnings. I’ve been way too nice to way too many clients and do I think any of them would even send me $20 for my birthday as a gift? Oh hell NO! I don’t expect anything anymore, other than to be constantly lied to and let down. I don’t expect anything other than clients trying to take advantage of my suffering and treating me like I’m not a human but a punching bag robot doll to take their hatred towards women out on.

last year my parents gave me a bouquet containing Lily flowers that could have killed my cat. My parents thought the perfect gift was ….killing my cat because I hadn’t done what they wanted which was: “finding a nice white boy to have grand babies with blonde hair, blue eyes to bring home to my parents for them to abuse”. Which is literally never going to happen?!

[kalihaze604]

how I’ve been feeling lately:

Sleepy as fuck. Absolutely exhausted. Overwhelmed. Adrenal fatigue. Needs another nap.

[kalihaze604]

Late for work taxi

My entire sex work career up until now was independent with the exception of one night working for a pimp in 2013. I’m not used to working for other people or paying any percentage or part of my wages towards the overhead cost of renting a shared workroom or have someone else having control over my business. I haven’t even worked a civ job in about 3 years, just been doing peer work and sex work. I feel like I’m not used to starting work so early or showing up on time for a shift. But lately I was procrastinating and disassociating so hard while trying to get ready for work outside that I wasn’t even leaving my place to walk to work until close to midnight. I feel like this is a big change for me but I’m trying my best to adjust and get more organized. I’m still independently working outside part time but have been so overwhelmed lately with my changing schedule that I haven’t made it to work in awhile and have just been seeing regulars for prebooked sessions.

[kalihaze604]

Regent Hotel, 2015. There used to be this creepy older (30-40+ years older than me when I was a 24/25 year old babyswer) guy that briefly ran a tiny pizza shop underneath the Regent Hotel in a section of the lobby. I think he tried to get me to do a date with him in the tiny kitchen but lowballed me so I said no.

[kalihaze604]

closed

Due to a fire in my building last night, my legs are closed for business——I mean I’m taking another night off work! 😂 I need to catch up on rest! I’ll be available tomorrow night. I recently started a new part time job working at a massage parlour a couple nights a week. I’ll be there tomorrow night instead of outside.

[eggsdoodz]

i ♡ appppplleeeessssss <333333

[artbylittlebug]

[thesilvertriangel]

-„Those who don’t know how to make love make war.“

[kalihaze604]

flowers in the rain

[kalihaze604]

I laugh every time I get a notification that someone I blocked tried to leave me a voicemail…because my phone might **let you think** you’re leaving a message -but it doesn’t even go through- I just get a voicemail notification and when I open voicemail- it says “no new voicemail” after I just saw you tried to contact me 5+ times in a row like it’s a goddamn emergency. What’s the emergency?