A Frustrated Autist

26 year old lesbian, recently found out I’m autistic, I’m here to kind of dump my thoughts, talk to other Autistics and maybe be there for them too. I’m taking off all the masks for this one so be warned

[autisticmusings]

I think the autistic phone call thing might also be to do with our learnt behaviours. [Speculation incoming - don't take my word for it...]

Verbal autistic people, particularly late-diagnosed verbal autistic people (like myself), have normally learnt certain coping mechanisms for handling conversations. That might mean having a formulaic understanding of them - e.g. if person says X, then I say Y.

Autistic people also attribute more equal weight/importance to things we see than allistic people. On a sensory level, I mean. This is one of the proposed reasons for why autistic people have problems with some types of sensory stimulation. Allistics don't hear the fridge humming, or see the fluorescent tube flickering at 50/60Hz, etc. But our brains might treat those things as if they ought to take up exactly as much concentration power as the words being spoken to us.

Since so much of our communication as humans is non-verbal, I have a suspicion that we learn to perform conversations by relying on some of those non-verbal cues to know when we've messed up our tone/word choice/etc. and it allows us to self correct and fit in or mask more efficiently.

During a phone call, you don't have that safety net of non-verbal cues.

Not to mention the fact that making a phone call feels like demanding someone's attention right NOW. And that's a gross feeling to me.

You know I really think you’re on to something, a lot of that sounds close to my experience. Thank you for sharing ❤️💕

[autispec-hours]

anyone know why autistic people often have such a hard time with phone calls

i just had a phone call and i am genuinely nauseous afterward

i hate making phone calls so much and i know that’s an autism thing but i don’t really know why

[autisticmusings]

Maybe because the social rules are even more unclear and that’s anxiety inducing?

[autiebiographical]

Why is insincere modesty and fake generosity polite? If you turn something down don't get upset when someone else takes it.

[autisticmusings]

I swear people have no love for each other, no care. It feels like people are more cold than ever, so quick to ostracize and bully, it’s made me so depressed tbh. Especially because after I decided to not kill myself, I decided to live because of connection, because of love. Connections, friendship, love, my pets and plants where the reasons I chose to stay. But it seems like love, connection and friendship are impossible to obtain. I have no choice but to cling on to the few connections I do have, even if they have hurt me. Everytime I try to make connections they always fail one way or another. Everyone always says it’s BeTtEr To Be AlOnE but humans are made for connection, we survived because of relationships, we go crazy if we’re alone too long. Humans right now are pushing each other way so harshly, and to me it’s so…sad. And deeply alarming.

[autisticmusings]

People are wild I swear. People will say someone who’s suffering from anger issues is a bad person and irredeemable if they throw and break objects but then turn around and say it’s totally okay to abandon your friend who’s going through a hard time or suicidal. People really do value objects and materials over their fellow humans.

[autisticmusings]

What advice or support would you give to someone who has recently discovered they are autistic and is navigating the process of unmasking and embracing their true self?

It’s hard to say because everyone’s journey is very different. The best piece of advice is to be your own best friend. Love yourself, wholey, and be in your own corner no matter what. Sadly, no one else will. So forgive yourself, be kind to yourself, let yourself make mistakes, and cry, and be upset, and be happy, and to be wholey you, whatever that looks like right now.

It won’t be able to be done over night, but as long as you commit to this, to yourself, to loving you, you’ll be happier.

[autisticmusings]

Lesbians and Ableism

I am a 26 year old autistic lesbian woman, and it’s made for an isolated and lonely life. I relate to very few people, and have always felt excluded from womanhood.

Which is why I knew I was a lesbians from a young age, and it was easier for me to accept my attraction to women. I’ve always felt like an outsider among women, and other lesbians have always expressed the same sentiment.

Which is why I expected more understanding and compassion from my community, but every time I’ve reached out for support or advice I’m shown nothing but deliberate misunderstandings, hostility and ableism. The last straw was recently, on a lesbian forum and a lesbian discord server, on separate occasions, I’ve looked for advice on my marriage and whether or not I should get a divorce.

And despite the fact that I am the one that got hurt, I am somehow always blamed for it- either I’m mean and shitty for daring to be angry about being hurt or I deserved to be abandoned and hurt because I’m autistic and my wife clearly has “caregiver burnout”. All of these people knew I was autistic but did not know the dynamics of our relationship or what all the details were, but automatically assumed I was in the wrong, entitled and a burden just because I have autism. When really, despite me being a level two autistic, I was the one in the caregiving role. I paid most of the bills, except for a year and a half where I worked part time, did most of the cleaning, cooked all the meals, etc. But just because im autistic then I must clearly be “wearing her out” and I’m entitled to expect her to do her part in our lives together. And I have heard other disabled lesbians have similar complaints- that just because they’re disabled no other lesbians want to have community with them, newly or temporarily disabled people are abandoned, disabled people get told we’re “too much” even if we clarify what our disability is, how it effects our reality and what we’ll need in our relationships.

Ableism, just like racism and fat phobia, is just as big of a problem in the community, and not nearly talked about enough. Lesbians, we will never have community if we don’t come together as lesbians and commit to actually being kind and loving towards each other, to be there for each other- that means even doing things that are uncomfortable, learning different communication styles and accommodating those around you who have different abilities and needs than you.

[strangertheories]

people say that being a lesbian is my only personality trait but that's not true. i'm also autistic!

[youmegravity]

I need people to understand that sometimes autism is just this

[brightlotusmoon]

Giraffe Party on Facebook:

And yes, this is still the situation with ABA in January 2022.

More information about ABA is available at: https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1640064006204333&id=330649957145751

[Image Description - Screenshot of a blog post. Background is white, text is black sans-serif font. Text reads:

"I babysit a 7 year-old who attends an ABA school. Parents described it to me as 'the good kind' of ABA. Today I was in pain, and I guess it showed on my face. The child kept trying to use their hands to push the corners of my mouth up, while saying 'can you make a happy face?' They would say 'what's wrong with your face? Let's make it happy' and then try to move my mouth into a smile. I kept telling them I don't like the way that feels, I don't like it when people touch my face like that. They took my hands and put them on their face to show me what to do, to push on their face and force a smile. I said I didn't want to make them smile that way either. I asked why would you make someone's face smile with your hands? They said it was a game. I asked them where they played the game, they said 'at school'. I asked who plays the game? They said, 'my teachers'.

Imagine being 7 and being taught that you should always look happy, even when you're not. Imagine being taught this not just through example or reinforcement, but by being PHYSICALLY MANIPULATED.

ABA is still just about compliance. And this isn't the 70s or the 90s, it's January 2020. #YesAllABA"]

Source: intentionally anonymous

[countesspetofi]

So ABA is copying the old-fashioned religious abuse from my childhood.

[brightlotusmoon]

I got this from the Wikipedia entry for Ivar Lovaas:

"He was a forced farm worker during the 1940s Nazi occupation of Norway, and often said that observing the Nazis had sparked his interest in human behavior.[5]"

[autistics-speak]

To be clear, Ole Ivar Lovaas is the guy who developed ABA, and also conversion therapy.

Sometimes people claim that ABA is “good” when it doesn’t punish (“use aversives”) to train autistic children into compliance. Punishment is not the only problem with ABA, though.

Even when you use only “positive reinforcement” (which often includes talking to the child or acknowledging the child’s existence only when the child is compliant, only letting them play or have access to things they enjoy when they comply, etc.), the whole goal of ABA is to train children to comply with adults’ demands, no matter how much suffering that compliance causes.

ABA also usually trains young autistic children out of beneficial self-regulating behaviors like stimming, and out of expressing their emotions. It is a compliance-based protocol that does not help children develop healthy emotional or social skills. For more perspectives on ABA, check out our ABA tag here: http://autistics-speak.tumblr.com/tagged/ABA

[phinniastuff]

Always reblog.

I have a totally blind, non-speaking autistic child. I delight in his company. (He doesn't have Tumblr; he doesn't have internet access.) He enjoys Peter Frampton, French toast (12 pieces at a sitting!) and stimming. Also, BPAL perfumes. (I wear them; he likes to smell them. You try to think outside the box with kids.)

[brightlotusmoon]

I love BPAL! Back when it started, my main friend group bought so many scents that it was all I knew for ages!

(My husband's younger brother, who is my age, is blind and nonspeaking autistic, with quad spastic cerebral palsy. My husband is his proxy and we visit him at the group home often. He loves playing, keyboards, listening to speculative fiction books, and swimming. One of his doctors invented Ensure.)

[autiebiographical]

Flashback Friday: Originally posted January 1st, 2020

I'm glad the term "Asperger's" has been phased out. When it was first made it was used to label some autistic people as "better" than others, and years later there are still some autistics who view themselves superior because of their Asperger's diagnosis.

[autisticmusings]

Wait there are seriously people who think this way?

[highestpriestess]

Me: I am overstimulated

Neurotypical: I get that

Neurotypical (every 2 mins): whats wrong, whats wrong, why are you being so passive, whats wrong, whats wrong, you're mean

[themaskedlady]

[pumpkinspicedmochi]

Before describing being semi verbal if you are fully verbal:

Hate when people try to describe being semi verbal as just "its when you have speech loss sometimes! :) " no , semi verbal isn't "sometimes speech loss" other wise it would just be "speech loss episode " or something , no semi verbal is a permanent state , semi verbal is more like : have difficulty specking not the way people seem to think . Easiest explanation is : unreliable speech all the time , I can talk but its hard for me , its more than just "speech loss sometimes" its like need words but the thought of the word won't form and I feel like my mouth is wired shut like forcing it to open to make a word. I just seen this description of it and please stop trying to simplify being semi verbal when you aren't and are actually describing it incorrectly as just "losing speech" . Being semi verbal doesn't equal "just speech loss" . Even when I do talk I have a very specific way of talking , a bit hard to explain but a lot of pauses obvious struggling , I've seen a youtuber that is also semi verbal and I talk like them more or less

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Life in an Autism World

[hindahoney]

Because I'm only seeing other Jews posting about this, non-Jews I need you to be aware that for the past month or two there has been a wave of bomb threats and swattings at synagogues all across the US. They usually do it when services are being livestreamed. I haven't seen a single non-Jew talking about this. High holidays are coming up in a few weeks, which is when most attacks happen against our communities. We're worried, and we need people to know what's happening to us.

[willtheweirdrat]

When are people gonna understand that autistic burnout doesn't require a day of rest, but a lifetime of accomodation in school and work. Like trust me, even if you gave me 3 months of rest, the burnout is still going to be there for as long as I force myself to do things I am not supposed to do.