Kamari Will

[kamari-will]

Self Love : Part I

regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).

Regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. 

I had to type that out again for myself. I’ve been struggling with my self love journey as of late. I have not been looking out for my own well being and happiness. Instead I have been putting other’s happiness before my own. Why? I’d like to consider myself a selfless person. A unicorn in a sea of horses who are only out for themselves. 

However, there is danger in being selfless. Especially when you become lost in it. I’ve noticed that the selfish are a happy people. While the selfless are the little folks who are often overlooked, disregarded, disrespected, used and neglected. And sometimes it can be ones own self that does those exact things to themselves.

Lately, I have not been taking care of myself, and it’s starting to show. My hair looks a mess. My skin is in shambles. My home is not the tidiest, and neither is my mind. I’m all over the place these days. My diet has been poor to say the least. My weight has been fluctuating at a rate that I do not care for. Mentally I am suffering. 

“Regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.” 

In the photo above I can honestly say I was getting to a place where I could finally say “I’m content with my life.” I had just lost 54lbs. 54lbs of baggage I was carrying on me from a previous chapter in my life. Only to have gained it all back in this new chapter with new baggage. Funny...as I was writing that sentence Erykah Badu’s “Bag Lady” came to mind. “Bag lady, you gon hurt your back dragging all them bags like that.” Funny thing is nobody ever told me all I must hold on to is me. I was never taught about self love. 

I was raised by a single mom who raised 3 women by herself. The topic never came up because she was just trying to continue to survive raising 3 kids, so I can’t blame her for not teaching me a lesson that I desperately need today.  

Anyway, after I lost the weight I had gone through a breakup. It wasn’t a terrible breakup, but it was definitely draining. I had mentally left that relationship months prior to its end. A few months after it happened I tried dating again to see what was out there, and that set off a chain of events to the trauma that I’m currently dealing wtith today. The breakup was the start, but what I experienced after was a domino affect. 

To be continued......

[kamari-will]

[kamari-will]

Photo by me 📷

[kamari-will]

[kamari-will]

Introduction : Who is Kamari Will?

My name is Kamari. I’m a 26 year old aspiring Social Media Influencer. I chose the name Kamari Will for my brand for various reasons that will make sense in the future. For now, my actual name is Kamari. 

I started this blog as a form of self expression. When you’re younger you have various different avenues to express yourself. As a child you have a diary to write your thoughts. You have extracurricular activities that you choose to do after school. If you’re lucky, your parents are kind enough to let you choose your own style of fashion as well. 

Somewhere in the beginning of adulthood for me I forgot how to express myself. I became a mother at the tender age of 20. And my sole purpose from 20-25 was trying to figure out how to survive with a baby. While I was raising her, I was also raising myself. 

Now that I’m in my late 20s and my daughter is a little bit older and not as demanding of my time as she was in infancy, I have more time to figure out what Kamari likes and what she likes to do. 

Fastforward to now, the year 2020. Where the whole world is going through this tough time of fighting corona and all the things that come with it (social distancing, face masks, outside being closed, etc) it has forced me to reflect on my life. I realize that I never got to actually live. I haven’t traveled. I never had a clubbing/partying phase. A lot of minor things that I’ve started to dabble into are things people my age have already been doing for years. 

Going out is literally a struggle for me because it’s something that I just haven’t done. So starting is like a difficult math equation in my head. Now with the whole pandemic going on I know that once this is all over I’m going to really start living my life.

I started my YouTube channel in November of 2019, and I started being consistent with is in Spring of 2020. I’m using this time to learn how to edit, take bomb photos, and invest in equipment (within my budget) that can get me started toward creating content that shows my creative side. It’s also a way of me documenting my experience. 

I can’t wait to see how my creativity evolves, and I hope that I get to come across like minded individuals who can appreciate the craft. 

This is my first ever blog post in years. I’m a little rusty, and I hope I’m able to stay on topic and keep focused. Any feedback (constructive of course) is greatly appreciated. 

Thank you for reading,

KW