THE DD/lg DADDY SURVIVAL KIT - PART ONE
I often get questions that go a little something like this…
“Mister, I am a new daddy and have no clue what to do… how can I be a good daddy?”
“Mister my daddy is new and he needs help, can you help him?”
Well, outside of having him run through every single post on my tumblr… I have devised a daddy survival kit. Just a little something to get your feet wet and hopefully grasp an understanding on your role, what its all about, and how to make it better.
#1. The essentials (Trust, Respect, and Compromise)
Understand right now: DD/lg & CG/l are a subculture of BDSM. A very real and very adult lifestyle and kink. Its not for children, and its not for the weak, lazy, or sexual degenerate.
This is a relationship of mutual action and consent between two adults who are able to make decisions on their own in accordance with trust and respect towards each other. Both share the same traits, themese, elements and so on… but both are very much different at the same time.
Trust and Respect are earned. Not taken, not assumed.
Her submission is a gift. A sacred prize, a priceless treasure and SHE CHOOSES to give it to you once you have shown that you have the standards and measures its going to take to be her caregiver and Daddy.
And thats exactly what you are… her caregiver. When you are blessed enough for her to decide you are the one she will name Daddy, you need to wake up really quick and realize shes now your responsibility, and not your slave. Your responsibility to take care, to be there for, when shes upset about something, when shes having a panic attack, when its 3am and she has a nightmare, when she has trouble coping with anxiety, and her sexual abuse, and adult things, and life in general. When she needs a snack, or a hug… when shes crying and you dont know why, when shes bouncing all over the room, when she sees that new bear, or doll, or game, or pretty pair of socks and screams “daddy I want!”, when shes excited to show you her colorings, ALL THE TIME… things like naughty playtime and so on are all benefits and secondary priorities to the aforementioned.
And before we go any further please realize: There is a difference between age play and the DD/lg lifestyle. One is simply a fetish that people enjoy, and one is a way of life that continues once it leaves the bedroom.
The largest downfall of any DD/lg relationship and really any relationship with anyone at all is the inability or outright refusal to properly communicate. Many times, the little will believe its not her place to speak up and let her Daddy know whats going on.
And many times the Daddy thinks hes so elite in his ivory tower that she should not dare speak anything against him.
BOTH OF THESE ARE LUNACY.
This relationships is a two way street in which both parties are WORKING TOGETHER. Yes the little is in submission to her Daddy, but shes not his doormat or footstool. She is his beautiful princess, to be treated with outright respect, love, compassion and mercy. She should be able to speak about her feelings and be given a safe place to do so. She should be able to express when she is sad, hurt, confused, uncomfortable, etc. and be given a safe place to do so. She should be able to reveal herself and her vulnerabilities without apprehension and have a safe place to do so.
Do you see a common word here… Daddy? Safe.
Because its your job to make her feel that way, NO MATTER WHAT.
Learn how to talk to each other, and above that… learn how to listen, not just hear, but listen. In fact, carve out an hour each week to just sit and talk about things. Get a progress report, form a plan for whats difficult. ATTACK THE PROBLEM, NOT THE PERSON.
#3. Understand your little
I get S.O.S messages all the time from frantic daddies who cant fathom why their little is doing what they are doing, and I always say: “Have you talked to them about it?”
Understanding why your little does what she does can sometimes be like trying to understand Chinese arithmetic. But simply getting to know her along with knowing some simple things could shed light on the subject.
As I have said before, theres a difference between age play and this lifestyle. Porn. media and other ignorant outlets like 50 shades of garbage dump are going to have you believe that its all about Dominance and submission and whips and chains and leather and paddles… and while those things are fun, they are a far representation from whats really going on here.
The act of getting dressed up in the clothing of your choice, then acting out a scene which most commonly involves some kind of incest related roleplay, or Husband and babysitter, etc where there is an acted out age gap and taboo sexual interaction of some sort.
This is not what your little is all about.
While she may enjoy the sexual aspects, because after all shes an adult (or at least she should be) that isn’t what motivates her and acts as the driving force behind her being little.
Most commonly, its regressive behavior.
Regression (re·gres·sion \ri-ˈgre-shən\)
reversion to an earlier mental or behavioral level
the act of reasoning backward
An action of travelling back in time
A psycho-therapeutic method whereby healing is facilitated by inducing the patient to act out behavior of an earlier developmental stage
Whats that? Healing? psycho-therapeutic? earlier developmental stage?
See the pattern here? See why she slips into little space? See why she does the things she does?
Its simply because when she gets into little space, or acts little, or does little things… shes coping. Most often we mentally return to places in our lives just before big or traumatic events have taken place. Back to times when things were safer, easier, when anxiety and stress were not a factor due to an event, action or occurrence.
Now this can be for any number of reasons and we really make ourselves look stupid when we try to avoid the elephants in the room: daddy issues, abandonment, sexual assault, abuses of all kinds (verbal, physical, otherwise), feelings of inadequacy through childhood, never feeling good enough, being neglected, being made to feel second best, and so on and so forth… the list can really be endless. In fact, many middle children from families of five typically become littles because they end up victim to “second child syndrome”
They are simply stuck in the middle between the first born who was practically worshiped, and the third born who gets spoiled and treated like royalty. By the time the second child comes along, the parents are tired, have been there and done that, and a lot of the times just go through the motions.
We as children automatically desire and seek both attention and discipline from our parents. Girls especially look to their Fathers as the pillar of stability in the household, while also looking to their mothers as the example of the woman they should become. When these factors are skewed in any fashion…. they will seek what they need in alternative ways.
And some of us are of course attracted to the aesthetic and kink that go along with the lifestyle. The image of a younger girl in a baby doll dress with a teddy bear and a pacifier can invoke a plethora of different thoughts and emotions in someone. Everything from an overwhelming sense of needing to be protective, to naughty thoughts and behavior.
And lets get this out of the way: Yes, there are pedophiles within our community. and no it doesnt make you one for being into this lifestyle.
Most of the stigma that surrounds DDlg/CGl to begin with and really the whole BDSM community to begin with revolves around the way its portrayed in media, online, in pornography and the general ignorance of those who do not care to properly educate themselves in the first place.
It also stems from minors getting their hands on technology so in early in life as a babysitter, that they often end up venturing unsupervised down the wrong paths in an attempt to find attention and validation… often running into scumbags and not knowing any better. So then they end up getting chewed up and spit out and land on my doorstep where they are now broken and defeated and ultimately feel like they will never be good enough for anyone.
They end up getting mixed up with perverted wolves in sheep’s clothing who take advantage of them, ruin them and then move on.
Its one of the reasons I do what I do in the first place. Because people need proper education and warning. They need to know exactly what this lifestyle is all about… and they need proper mentor-ship in the form of someone who is going to lay it out to them in a true way while also teaching them the right from wrong. (because no one was ever there to do it for them in the first place)
That wraps up part one of this series. As always, my ask and inbox are open for questions and discussion. feel free to reblog for others to benefit from.
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