My Anxious Top Surgery Journey
If I can do it, you can too.
TLDR: I wanted to do a day-by-day breakdown of the 1st week because this was 5 years of putting it off becauae of anxiety. Even AFTER becoming medicated and getting it under control, I struggled to book the consultation even when I knew it would be covered by insurance. So I'm hoping this helps another anxious trans man make the move.
TW: TMI / GROSS / SURGERY
The anticipation is the absolute worst part. I was convinced I was going to die or be told it wouldn't happen. The latter was because I got it done in a red state, Montana, before we knew it was even legal to perform. During my consultation, my surgeon told me she could lose her license for operationg on me. Then she told me they can suck it. This was nice to hear, but also the fear still hung over my head.
How did I find this surgeon? I knew two things I wanted: I wanted the best of the best and I was willing to pay for it. (I will get into cost later.) I originally planned for Washington because Seattle has some of the best I've seen, even offering to do both top and bottom surgery at the same time. But after realizing how much a hotel and travel would cost I decided against that. So I decided to give local surgeons a shot.
I heard good things about my surgeon from others in my town who had a breast reduction. Note that I did not just rely on reddit opinions for this shit. I looked them up compared to what was around and they were the best choice. They also publicly had proof of top surgery success on multiple body-types. This was important because I knew I'd be right on the required BMI which is about 35.
I have a binge eating disorder that I was able to manage with Wegovy. Doctors will deny you a GLP-1 if you say you have an ED. So...I went to a different doctor. (I do not recommend lying to your doctor btw this is just my experience.)
I only used it before surgery to help me get to 35 BMI and I had to stop it a month before . They ask you to stop because GLP-1s slow your digestion, if you have slow digestion and eat a 5 star dinner the night before surgery you can throw up and die on the table. I am not an anesthesiologist but that's what I understood from the paperwork.
So that's how I picked the surgeon and lost the weight. Now what? Well I had to make sure I had enough sick time built up at my job. This was no problem for me because I work long hours and I have good insurance. Good in an American type of way where I still had to fork out tons of cash.
The surgeon was an hour and a half drive from home so we decided to stay near there in a hotel from the night before to until the surgery center closed (Saturday). We got a handicap accessible room with a kitchenette. I am so glad we made this decision and I wish I was uber rich so we could have staid longer. To be in a sterile pet-free environment put my anxiety at ease fr. When we got there, I was completely off my meds so I was freaking the fuck out. We had to be at the outpatient surgery center at 4:45AM so I didn't sleep well.
We got to the surgery center on the dot. I was about to call the whole thing off. I was shivering with fear as we waited for the doors to unlock. I had sent emotional messages to my family telling them I loved them and made peace with my maker. My lovely partner was there to comfort me as they prepped me for surgery.
They start by asking you a million questions, did you eat, what did you eat, when did you eat, what drugs do you take, are you allergic to anything, who's your daddy? All sorts of random shit. They then have you get naked and into the hospital loin cloth, then the IV comes. It is painful, especially if your veins suck. They put it in my hand like they always do and I tried not to move. My doctor and anesthesiologist then came to greet me, and they were very sweet and kind. They told me very good things that did bring me comfort. Don't ask me what, I don't remember. Both female by the way, not that I have anything against men but....lets be real I was sent here to replace them. (A JOKE) Anyway I was then wheeled straight into the operating room, its cold as hell in there.
I hoped up on the table, shaking in my cloth. Everyone around me is telling me its going to be ezpz, and because im not keeping my nipples I am going to be in and out of there like a carwash. My heart rate was extremely high, and the last thing I remember is them saying, "lets give you something to calm you down" and I was asleep. And that's exactly what it felt like, falling asleep, not dying, not seeing the light, just going to sleep.
There was nothing to worry about, I was in the hands of the best doctor in the state. Originally from New York she had degress from Harvard, NYU, UCLA and certificates that were renewed every few years. She may be the best on this side of the west. She used to be a neurosurgeon and understandably wanted an easier job.
Afterwards I was in and out of it for a while, my nurse was incredibly sweet and I was loaded up into our car and made my way back to the hotel.
Pain was non existent, I was on that good shit. Speaking of shitting, I didn't. Peeing though? I needed help. Had to be lowered down, needed help wiping at first. Whoever helps you, will need to have seen you naked, so I had my wife and my mom came a few days later to give my wife a break. If you have no one who will do this you might have to hire someone. Temporary care-givers exists and I know some CNAs who will do that shit for cash under the table.
Sorry if this post feels illegal.
I was asleep and woken up ever 3-4 hours to take meds.
I finally realized I was alive and well and that the hard part was over. I was wrong, the hard part was just starting. I opted for eating soft slop, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, apple sauce, prune juice and icecream. Your diet doesn't matter. You must eat slop so you can shit. I also had stool softener from kirkland and I had no issues.
I was still struggling to go to the restroom un attended but by the time we went home a few days later I could. Though I still had trouble wiping so lots of showering.
Again I was still out of it, still on hard drugs and sleeping a lot. I dont remember much from this time. But by day 6 I did.
Without the 'good stuff' you start to get feeling back and its not fun. I could feel my drainage tubes pulling down on my insides and I could barely move.
The only thing that brought me relief was getting them removed it seems. But stuff that helps were these icepacks my coworker made me. Love her sm. They are essentially cornsyrup in sealed plastic bags covered ina removable cloth pocket. You put them in the freezer and then they meld to your body and dont tug or weigh too heavy, amazing.
I also was done eating slop at this point, I think my first meal was panera bread wildrice chicken soup and half a turkey sandwich. After I ate I waited, then I went, and I knew I could eat without worry thank god.
I had tylenol pm but had no trouble falling asleep because showering and going to the bathroom was so exhausting.
Pain level was at a 5 on tylenol and motrin.
By this point I was getting back to normal but still needed help showering, especially in the armpit region. If you don't have a detachable shower head, get one. Otherwise you will need help with your lower region.
My motto has been 'new week, new pain.' Because every week I have consistently had different types of pain in different areas. Burning, itching, twitching, aching. Dont even get me started on removing my steri-tape. Sucks assssss but my chest looks great!
A month later all I can say is, keep taking your pain meds, keep icing it, and dont be afraid to call your doctor if you're anxious. You're paying them thousands of dollars to answer your questions, it's the least they could do.
I am only covering how much ive had to pay for the surgery because everything else varies.
I have not gotten an itemized bill yet, and after I do I plan to resubmit for insurance to cover more. We'll see how that goes, but as for now...
$3759.50 was not covered by insurance because liposuction isn't medically necessary. It will be when I'm done with them >:(
So if I didn't get lipo, and still had partial boobs then it would have been:
$5,133.97 (pretty average cost!)
What a number! I used my credit card because I travel a lot and now I can travel more with all of the points I earned.
Here's hoping I get my lipo covered but if not I am a le to pay off what I owe in about 9 months. Probably sooner since I get a raise this summer.
If you read this and have questions or if you want to know more info my asks are open.
Hope this helps someone or shows how crazy I am. Stay cool out there.
snowghoul
blakekathryn
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