The life of a girl who wished her name was Karina.

Documenting the crazy daily thoughts and feelings. Hoping that will making a difference in her life.

[karinaofthesoulless]

I just wished he would pay more attention to me when I had something to say. What are your thoughts on promise rings? Is it a symbol to others to say you are faithful? Do you think if your significant other has one will they remain faithful to you? Or will it just be something else for them to try and hide so they can do whatever they please? Is it asking to much when you ask for them to be faithful to just you? Is it wrong to feel like you are a secret when they are always talking to friends and yet when you try to talk to them it is as if you are interrupting something? I always feel as if I am in the wrong for even just trying to talk to him about anything when he is talking to his friends. Honestly I just don't know what to do, think or even say.

[karinaofthesoulless]

My thoughts

I have been dating someone for almost a year. Yet because of particular reasons I can not be public about my relationship. There are days when I feel so alone. He is a gamer who plays games all the time. I play games but there are games I play only because I get to play them with him. Yet he doesn’t ask me to play anymore with him. It breaks my heart because in turn he is always on discord with his so called best friend who is a female. Mind you they have only been friends for like almost 3 years. I have told him time and time again how it makes me feel when he is always on discord with her and pretty much he ignores me. We live together and yet we hardly spend time together anymore. I feel like what is even the point of being together anymore. Am I just a placemat something where he doesn’t have to do anything with until he feels he has to. I am not a god damn playtoy. I am not something you can just play with a few times and placed back on a shelf for later. I am not a piece of garbage. I am not something you can use and then just throw away. Yet that is how I am starting to feel. I love him deeply I am always thinking of his feelings. However it seems as if he doesn’t care how I feel about anything. For once in my life why can’t someone pay as much attention to me as I do to them. I am really tired of feeling like I have to be a secret. There are 5 or so people in his family that know we are together and only 3 in my family. I just feel like I am just being kept in a dark closet and when the times the door is open and I get to come out are a few highlights. It is so lonely, I just want to be loved. I don’t even feel loved by him. Yeah he could sit there and say “I love you.” But does he really mean it. It always comes to my mind that actions speak louder than words. I have to get this out before it sits and destroys me from the inside out. I don’t care if anyone understands or not I don’t want pity I don’t need it either. I want to speak my mind because for so long I have felt that I have been silenced. I will not stop with how I feel. That is something no one can take a away from me ever. You may not understand how I feel but that doesn’t matter it has nothing to do with you.

[karinaofthesoulless]

The Rant

I don’t need a child talking to me as if I know nothing. I am twice her age. There is no need for the child to then whine to her father and make it out to be like I am the bad guy when I am annoyed and frustrated. She thinks I am hurting her feelings when all I really want is for her to stop thinking she has to sit and explain everything to me. I guess this just means I will just have to stay in my own room and never leave again. 

[karinaofthesoulless]

Happiness

So as I sit where I am today I view my life as being happy. I am comfortable with the person I am with. Things have not gotten to the point of doing anything and everything together. He provides me the protection and peace of mind I need at times. As well as he lets me rant to him when my anger is getting the best of me. He has been so sweet. I would like to see where life takes us in the future. 

After the many times I have felt sadness in my life, things are starting to turn for the better. I just want to have the luck to finally find my happy ever after.

Of course life is never that is. There are always the ups and downs that we all deal with in life. Things do not always happen to everyone the same. However there are many of us that are going through the same situations at the same time. But we want to have someone there to acknowledge that we are feeling the way we are. Someone to pay attention to us. Wanting to just hold onto the good in life is always something to be worked towards.  

Those are always thoughts going through my mind. When will it come to where I don’t have to worry about those thoughts appearing. To always be happy would take a lot of work that I just feel like I don’t want to put in unless I know in the end it isn’t going to be for nothing. 

[karinaofthesoulless]

To all those who I have loved and lost.

I will not let you get me down enough to think I will never find my happiness. My happiness does not depend on you. It lies in my own hands and is under my own control. If any have thought they had taken it from me, they were wrong. Looking to the future was something that until now is something I wanted to know and plan. But love can't be planned. I have sat and watched those around me love and stay together only to realize that I myself is very lonely. However I should never let myself down. One day my own happiness will enter my life and if it stays then it was meant to be.

[bekkathyst]

BEKKATHYST WINTER 2019/2020 GIVEAWAY

~This giveaway is in no way affiliated with Tumblr.~

Please read thoroughly before entering!

Hello lovely Tumblr folk! It’s that time again- I have a giveaway for you all. But this time our giveaway is far grander and more magical than any we've had before! We've fallen on some tough times lately, and we could use all the support we can get right now. I'm hoping that throwing this big bundle of love out into the universe will bring back some good things to us 💜😘

We have both an online store and a physical location that could use your support!

My business is just a small, family run establishment that I started here on tumblr in 2013. I've been lucky enough to grow to the point where my husband and I opened a brick and mortar store and I've been able to employ my mother and sister as well! I've been supporting my mom and younger siblings since 2016 💜 I've always put compassion and ethics above all else in my business!

What the winner receives:

This absolutely massive top quality amethyst cluster display piece from Uruguay. It weighs OVER 20 LBS and sits on a custom made metal stand. It measures about 15" tall (over 1 foot!)

This piece has a retail value of about $1,300 - this is by far the most valuable giveaway we've ever done!

Rules:

You must be 16 or older. (If under 18 you MUST have parent’s permission)

You don’t have to live in the US to join!

Shipping is entirely free, I will cover it. But if you live outside the US and for whatever reasons your country wants to charge you import tax, you are responsible for it. If it gets sent back to me, you will need to pay shipping to have it sent again.

You must be following me, so you can get updates if anything about the giveaway changes.

Please check out our online shop!

DO NOT tag this post as giveaway. That will risk the notes getting messed up, and this will be ruined for everyone.

Reblog this post to enter. Likes count, too. No giveaway or spam blogs. If you reblog on a side blog, let me know in the tags what the name of your blog is that you’re following me with.

Please don’t spam people with reblogs- limit 2 reblogs per blog per day.  

At the end, each entry will be assigned a number and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator.

The giveaway ends Friday, January 31st, 2020 at 6 pm Pacific time.

The winner will be messaged and must respond with their full name and address within 24 hours, or a new winner will be chosen.

Please respect me and my rules, and have fun!

[karinaofthesoulless]

I love this piece and whoever is lucky enough to win it that is amazing. I wish all who enter good luck in this giveaway.

[lunar-witches]

“Soft Skin, Soft Soul” Bath Ritual

So, you’ve had a long, stressful day?  You’ve just gotten home and all you want to do is wind down and relax?  Why not pamper yourself?  This silky, aromatic bubble bath will give you the recuperating, self care you desperately need just before you snuggle up in your bed for the evening!

Ingredients:

- 3 tbsp extra virgin coconut oil - 1 cup of lavender epsom salts - 1 cup of milk (any type you’d prefer) - 4 bags of chamomile tea - 5 drops of lavender essential oils - 1 handful of dried rose petals (optional)

Steps:

1)  Before you begin running your water, take a large bowl and set your tea bags in it.  Pour boiling water in the bowl, about halfway full, and let your tea bags steep.

2)  Begin to run your bath, setting the temperature as high as you can stand (while still maintaining your comfort), and begin adding your coconut oil, letting it dissolve into the water (holding it in your hands and letting the water run over it is best, as to avoid large clumps of oil)

3)  Add your epsom salts, using the same technique you used for the coconut oil.

4) Pour in your milk, drop in your essential oils, and your dried rose petals (if you so choose).

5)  Once your bath is nearly full, and your tea bags have had enough time to thoroughly steep, pour the tea into your bath water.

6)  Lastly, turning off the water, take your dominate hand, and swirl the water with the ingredients as you focus on cleansing yourself of the day’s negative energies, letting the bath become infused with your intent of relaxation, self-care, and calmness.

And now you’re ready to climb in and relax for the next 30 - 45 minutes!  Once you’re finished your skin will be softer, and so will your soul, and just in time for bed!

[karinaofthesoulless]

Reblogging to save for later. I need this one day soon.

[artisticlog-deactivated20231213]

If you're reading this, I pray that one day you find someone who loves you so much that you forget what it feels like to be hurt. I pray that you let them in to fix every broken piece of you & I pray that they accept every flaw & insecurity you have & show you the beauty in them ✨

[karinaofthesoulless]

If only that day would come soon.

[karinaofthesoulless]

You hate me and replaced me.

I wish you would just be honest and tell me that you do hate me. I have that stuck in my mind. But I would rather not think about you anymore. Yet I still think of you. I think of what if we would have gotten married. Yet I think you would not have wanted that to begin with. So now I have to sit in the dark and pray that it will not turn into a nightmare. My heart needs mending. Can you point me to someone who can. Even if it is just a temporary fix. It will do for the moment. Looking around it seems the color is fading. Everything is turning black, white and gray. Can someone show me a rainbow? Something that will change the feelings in my heart and bring back color. I want love to color the pinks and reds. The happiness to color the oranges and yellows. The tenderness to color the greens and blues. The thoughtfulness to color the violets and purples. All of those mixed would bring a rainbow back into my life. I think that one day that it will happen I guess. We do not know or hold the future in our hands. For the time being have sweet dreams. May they one day become you life.

[karinaofthesoulless]

Could you find a way to let me down slowly???

I listen to the song and it makes me think of you. The lyrics help me figure things out.  And I am coming to terms with how I am handling things. This day was much better as far as how my feelings didn’t get in the way. We had a good day. We played cards so that we could all do something together. Instead of me feeling as if I should go away. I was seeing that there can be the feeling of happiness when you are around. I know that when you leave you will be on my mind. You will hold a place in my heart and that will never change. We have agreed to remain friends because we can not be mad at one another. That has given me a sliver of happiness and hope to hold onto. I want to hold onto the hope. So that I don’t fall into the darkness. I want my heart and mind to remain pure from the darkness and hatred. Giving it a chance to take over it makes it harder to be rid of it completely. I need someone to stand next to me and be my rock. Here is to wishing that would come true. Let your dreams cradle you allowing your happiness to last longer.

[karinaofthesoulless]

Why can’t I just let my feelings die out?

Right now I sit here crying and I don’t know why. Life has been okay lately so why is my heart so heavy. When they touch it feels as if a knife is in my chest. Yet I am happy for them. But I still feel the sadness and I just want it gone. Why can’t I just let it go. Or even just move on with life. Find my own happiness because I am never going to be a part of the happiness they have with each other. The darkness is comforting sometimes when the feelings are ones I don’t want to deal with. It feels good to cry sometimes. I want someone to hold me and always want me in their life, I am tired of waiting and yet people are always telling me don’t go looking for someone let them find you. If I do that then I will never move on. I am to damaged for anyone to want me. I am broken and the pieces are to small to put back together. All I can do is sweep them all up. Stay on the floor with my legs tucked under me and just cry. There isn’t much else to do.

[karinaofthesoulless]

Daily thoughts and feelings.

The guy I once loved sleeps only 10 feet from me. But he is only here for another week. Someone whom I think of as my best friend is dating him now. It all started out as a joke online before that we were married. However after some time the feelings were strong and developed in real life. We meet on a game but I began to love him in the real world. The feelings have faded. Some still pull on my heart now as I type this out. I just wish I could be normal and forget about him. But with him so near the feelings come back stronger than before. Yet he and my best friend are dating and it is a knife in my back. How do I tell them without them thinking I am just being a child? Or do I just swallow how I feel and leave my feelings in the past? I don’t want to be in the darkness again with only my heart to crush me. The darkness would swallow me whole and keep me there thinking life would be better for those who know me if I just disappear. Running my finger across my lips feeling the softness. It calms my anger I feel in the pit of my stomach. I just want it to let go of me so that I can move on. Cut the ties and live life again. Lert my dreams take me to my paradise instead of images of the one I once loved. The feelings I feel for him now should just let go of my heart and go away. I am happy for them both. It should not involve me and it never should involve me. I just want to be their friend. I want to be there for them when they need me or if they need me. Other than that I just want my life to be normal and carefree. I am doomed to fail at one point or another. Hopefully it will never effect them.