#lonelines

[four-eyed-frog]

I know

I know my dear,

that over the last one year

i have pined for you with relentless grief.

I have weathered every day seeking some relief.

I know

i have fought my soul to quench your smile,

And have even tried to quieten my life,

To have felt so much love

for one who doesn’t feel as much

Hurts and weakens this man who yearns your touch

Incomplete, i strive every day,

Like a tree who’s leaves have been blown away,

I stand naked with fear and open palms,

Begging you not to abandon me

As though i was a stray.

[sadseiji]

me sigam no twitter 🐦

[lovergirlinme]

i have always been afraid of nights. i hate it when the sun starts setting and slowly it becomes dark everywhere you see, as the night grows darker, i feel suffocated by the silence and the fear of loneliness crawls onto my skin and eats me up alive. even worse when my mind starts sounding like screams and yelling. the sleepless nights are the worst kind.

but maybe sleeping while being wrapped in your arms might make that fear of darkness and loneliness go away and i might actually start romanticising nights

[selectivechaos]

quote by Carl Sutton.

i think this is important because while sm is painful and i wish it would go away, the reality is it probably won’t, at least not fully. there’s no time limit on sm. it’s not a childhood disorder, and it can onset at any age. so we need more images and descriptions of middle aged and older people with sm. just like any mental disorder, you wouldn’t go: oh that’s particularly painful because it hasn’t gone away by x age. this is people’s lives, and those lives can be painful but also full and wonderful. sm is part of my life and my experience. so we need to see more stories. 🌹🌹transcript under cut

aloneness - that is what sm feels like to me. isolated, alone, separated, left out as i silently stand by watching others experience life while the words freeze up inside me, afraid to speak up or join in a conversation. actually feeling the anxiety shaking inside my chest as i try to get the courage to speak to someone or call or text a friend. sm feels like the child standing alone behind the door watching the other kids in the playground - afraid to ask, ‘may i play?’ it feels like the teenager standing silently against the wall, listening to classmates laugh and chat, invisible to everyone and wondering what it would be like to have a friend. it feels like the 50-year-old office worker, alone in her cube while others chat and laugh in the aisle, still left out. i live inside a shell, a mask thag looks like me but isn’t me. i am in here, but it is really hard to let others see. i’m so grateful for the few dear friends i have now. most people though only see the shell and assume i’m aloof and uncaring because i am quiet. i feel very deeply. i feel others’ joy and pain intensely, yet they rarely know. i’m not quiet because i am uncaring. i’m silent because i’m afraid. 

[present--absence]

In the Mood for Love, 2000

[four-eyed-frog]

The Disillusionment of Reality: A Reflection on Unrequited Connections

As I gaze inward, I am reminded of a picture that, at first glance, appears flawless. However, upon closer inspection, the façade crumbles, revealing a complex and imperfect reality. This dichotomy between appearance and truth resonates deeply within me, echoing the disappointments and disillusionments that often accompany unrequited connections.

As I reflect on my own reality, I am struck by the realization that I may not be worthy of the efforts or affections of others. The lifestyle I aspire to, the relationships I crave, and the sense of belonging I yearn for seem tantalizingly out of reach. The truth is that the ideals I hold dear, the dreams I chase, and the emotions I invest may ultimately prove to be a fool's paradise.

The pain of this realization is palpable. It hurts to acknowledge that the one person who has awakened such profound emotions, comfort, and a sense of home within me will never truly be mine. The ache of longing is exacerbated by the knowledge that this person, bound by the constraints of patriarchal norms and institutional expectations, will never fully understand or reciprocate my desires.

The cruel irony is that this person, embodying the very norms and expectations that suffocate me, seems to mock my quest for connection and meaning. The laughter, though unspoken, is deafening, a poignant reminder of the chasm that separates us.

In this moment of vulnerability, I am forced to confront the harsh realities of my existence. The picture, once a beautiful illusion, now lies shattered, revealing the complexities and imperfections that lie beneath. As I pick up the pieces, I am left to ponder the fragility of human connections and the enduring power of unrequited love.

[alhamdulillah10]

Loneliness

[whereverpoetswenttodie]

Weird how so many of us are drowning in loneliness and yet can't find anyone who'd cancel out this loneliness of each other's. Like where's math when we actually need it ?