Do you think Sansa and Aryaās relationship is uneven in terms of love?
Let me start this off by saying this isnāt Sansa hate, I like her a lot more than I do Arya.
But because of their society and the adults that surround them, both sisters are lead to believe that Sansa is better than Arya. Sheās the good one. Sheās beautiful. She can sing and sew. She never disobeys. Sheās the perfect lady. And because Sansa agrees with this sentiment, she also believes that Arya doesnāt have much value. Sheās ugly, improper, and has a tendency for ruining good things, which is why it wouldāve been easier if she was a bastard like Jon, so she wouldnāt have to put up with her.
I donāt blame her at all for anything sheās said to Arya in aGoT, where sheās mean to Arya while she tries to better their relationship, as much as she can. My annoyance is that this continues after theyāre separated. She does mention missing her sister in the form of dreams, which are subconscious, and memories, which are all idealised but then she doesnāt think of her often at all. She thinks of her as unsatisfactory even after Cersei had confirmed she was dead. Meanwhile Arya wants to see her a dress to make amends with her for ruining her dress, although she hates sewing. She doesnāt want Kingās Landing to be drowned because Sansa is still there. She wants to see Sansa again and apologise like a proper lady. She wants the place where Lady was unjustly killed burned while Sansa still blames Arya for Ladyās death in aCoK. Sheās reminded of her by little things, like drinking something that tastes like lemons.
She seems to care a lot more about Sansa than Sansa does about her. And I donāt really understand why. Sansa is a sweet, kindhearted girl. She feels empathy and is genuinely kind to the worst people. Yet she doesnāt seem to care about her own sister.
Please tell me Iām wrong and misrepresenting something! Because it makes me so sad how indifferent Sansa is towards Arya throughout the books.
no i don't think you are, i can't give you a good answer for why she doesn't think of arya very much outside of like, it's probably a painful subject to dwell on, but there's something going on with āarya had been entirely unsatisfactory as sisters wentā i can talk about that. so i would not call it a question of love, you can love someone and then not like them very much, it's about why sansa dislikes arya and i don't feel the kind of resentment sansa feels for arya in agot is supposed to be ānormal sibling rivalryā, it's a narrative choice that reveals something about the sisters, sansa resents arya for reasons that are pretty central to her storyline, it's like you said: a consequence of her investment in social codes. arya does not meet the standard of femininity that their mother and sansa and sansa's peers have been raised to meet, arya is therefore inadequate. her response to the trident incident is the same as cersei and robert's, that it's arya's fault for having been there in the first place and for having acted in an unladylike manner. i said once that the trident is arya's defining character moment, as a character arya exists to problematise the ideal of aristocratic femininity that sansa fully buys into at the beginning of agot so i guess my reading here is that the state of her relationship with her sister is in some ways symbolic of sansa's relation to authority.
in acok, sansa's a hostage and free of most of her illusions about the lannisters but has to play nice with them to survive life at court, āshe was a good girl who remembered all her courtesiesā ā in her final agot chapter vsĀ āArya was safe back in Winterfell, dancing and sewing, playing with Branā¦ā āĀ in her first acok chapter is perhaps, also revealing of her annoyance (and envy) at how willing arya is to break rules (which is an inverse of aryaās own insecurity/envy at sansaās performance of aristocratic femininity), so the way it looks to sansa is that once again, sheās the sister who has to mind her courtesies while arya gets to do whatever she wants.
Heād owned a sword named Lionās Tooth once, Sansa remembered. Arya had taken it from him and thrown it in a river. I hope Stannis does the same with this one.
this is halfway through acok, i think, and this is significant to me. the sansa from agot would never applaud her sister for doing that, sansa understands enough now to see arya was not the one at fault that day. after that, asos, which is an interesting one. it takes place during the start of autumn and the major theme there is disavowal of oaths and promises, old world (a fifteen year long summer / āin the songs it's always summerā) decaying as winter gets closer, so the shared thread for arya and sansaās storylines in that one is false hope. that's what the tyrells are representative of. margaery is a sister substitute, sansa's just lost her sister and is being told she can have another one, she's an outcast at court and isolated from her family but the tyrells are inviting her into theirs. this is around the time she thinks -
Sister. Sansa had once dreamt of having a sister like Margaery; beautiful and gentle, with all the worldās graces at her command. Arya had been entirely unsatisfactory as sisters went. How can I let my sister marry Joffrey? she thought, and suddenly her eyes were full of tears.
you can't really talk about āarya had been unsatisfactory as sisters wentā without this surrounding context. at this point she knows arya is dead and they'll never get to repair their relationship but margaery is here and she's going to be her sister now, this is as close to it sheāll get. how can i let my sister marry joffrey? to me, is also evoking what happened that day on the trident, that the last time sansa was made to choose between joffrey and her sister, she did not pick her sister. immediately after this she pleads with margaery that she mustn't marry him which is, again, pretty significant and brave admission because during their first meeting she's worried about what punishment will befall her should olenna call off the wedding after hearing her account of joffrey's character -
Oh, gods, thought Sansa, horrified. If Margaery wonāt marry him, Joff will know that Iām to blame. āPlease,ā she blurted, ādonāt stop the wedding ā¦ā
then she's married off to tyrion and margaery never speaks to her again. sansaās conception of the perfect sister who, unlike arya, can perform aristocratic femininity, has failed her and the unspoken bit is that sansaās investment in authority will never be rewarding, the sister she drove away because of it and whoās dead now is the only true sister she ever had. my point here is that she might not be confessing outright wow i have misjudged arya my whole life but her chapters are not entirely disinterested in the subject of arya, having to work through her feelings for her sister is a big part of her arc. and i would guess, for anything more direct than this you'll just have to wait for the sisters to reunite.
