kumpulan kata yang tak tersampaikan.

a collection of words I didn't get to say.

[katayangtaksampai]

Call me delusional, but I am changing my prayers.

I want him. Yes, him.

I know previously I said, "whoever is the best for me"

But, no. I want him.

If he is not the best for me yet, then turn him into one.

The day will come where I have you wrapped around my fingers

And, oh, how I cannot wait to show him off

— katayangtaksampai.

[katayangtaksampai]

I am getting ahead of myself here, but...

I feel like I am standing on a new chapter,

but this time around, it's not about you.

And I never expected how it kind of scares me.

I am always too proud to admit it, but I have been waiting on you silently.

The thought of stop waiting, and instead, grab the opportunity that knocks on my door with both hands... feels heavy somehow.

What if this is really the end of our story?

All the waiting, it was indeed not meant to be.

In a way, there is a hint of grief there;

I am grieving of everything we didn't get to be.

But, on the other hand, would it be so bad?

Who knows if this new chapter would be the best one yet, beating your record on me.

I oftentimes pray for times like this too, but now it is actually happening,

suddenly letting go that lingering hope of us completely is scary.

We shall just wait and see how it unfolds, I guess...

[katayangtaksampai]

I silently pray for your success.

I wish I could say it is purely from the kindness of my heart.

But, if we are being truly honest,

I hope you succeed in your endeavors,

so that, maybe by then, you will take that leap.

Maybe by then, you dare to take that chance with me.

I know you said no promises, not to wait.

Well, what can I say, just one stubborn heart.

[katayangtaksampai]

If romantic love is not destined for me to have in this lifetime, then please take my desire to be loved away.

[katayangtaksampai]

Time passes and seasons change

I can let go of my nail digging grip

But the brain pays no mind

It continues to rewire the loose ends

And with these footsteps too

I will always grieve the holidays we missed

The memories we never capture

And the people we will never be

— katayangtaksampai.

[katayangtaksampai]

How many laps are you planning to do in my head exactly?

[katayangtaksampai]

When the sun sets, I want it to be you again.

The hustle and bustle kept the mind occupied. But when the dimly lit room went quiet, I want it to be you again.

The bright sky with rays peeking through the cloud, not even half as scorching as my curse to you. But as the chilly breeze blows, I want it to be you again.

These swift fingers run on the keyboard, telling all my friends about how this chapter has come to close. But as I lay here with my honesty, I want it to be you again.

What a shameful confession, I am too proud to admit this to any soul. But in moments like this, I want it to be you again.

— katayangtaksampai.

[katayangtaksampai]

Happy birthday, my dearest Dorothea.

I hope you have a wonderful day celebrating your special day!

I know, I have not been by your side over all these years. I also cannot put a finger on what drifted us apart. Was it time? Was it place? Was it life?

I did not see you in the school reunion. I asked around, yet no one seemed to have a clue. Over the years, you seemed to fade, and the next thing I know... you vanished, even from my tiny screen.

Silly us never texted or called conventionally. But, hey! I found your number after digging through my contacts! Uh oh... no replies, I am afraid. Maybe you have changed your number?

Dorothea, there are so many things I want to tell you.

I remember how you did my make up on my seventeenth birthday, back when I had zero idea how to even hold an eyebrow pencil. Dorothea, now I can draw my own eyeliner and did my own eye shadow!

Dorothea, I just moved to a country you said you loved so much. You visited here a few times already, but I am here now. Won't you come visit, so we can stroll around to your favorite spots?

Anyway, I just hope you are well, my dearest Dorothea.

I cannot seem to reach you now. But, if I ever came across your mind too, I hope you know I will always cherish you.

Once again, happy birthday, my dearest Dorothea.

You know you'll always know me.

— katayangtaksampai.

[katayangtaksampai]

What if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do?

What if I never get over you?

— Lady A, What If I Never Get Over You.

[katayangtaksampai]

would it be so wrong to manifest you?

you look too good in that blurry picture.

can you get closer so I can see you clearer?

[katayangtaksampai]

My toxic trait is,

when I told him that I will have a trip to another city next week,

then he said a simple "take care",

but I immediately became a puddle on the ground at the mention of those simple words.

I really should not swoon over the simplest, littlest thing *sigh*

[katayangtaksampai]

I always feel slightly giddy when I found myself lowkey crushing on someone new.

It's nothing serious, it's just a "he's kinda cute" or a brief imagination of me having a date with this guy.

I guess, it's because for quite some time ago, I was so fixated on one person. It was a future with him or a total blackout; I couldn't see any other possibility.

So, now, although it really is just a silly daydream, it is kinda nice to be able to picture a possibility of having that something with someone else.

Well, maybe it is also my toxic trait to immediately picture a future with someone the second I found interest in them.

But, a girl can dream, right?

[katayangtaksampai]

An afternoon at a corner in a café

Conversations and opinions on world politics

Over a glass of your soda and my berry tea

Capture this moment, put it in a frame

If it all worked out, this is what us would look like

But it was you sitting across the table

The same man who scraped this exact image

You insisted that I deserve a better one

And I took a sip from the almost empty glass

— katayangtaksampai.

[katayangtaksampai]

I scraped my elbow when hanging up the laundry

The cut was tiny, though with a tinge of blood

As I washed it up at the sink, I felt like crying

Not from the pain- well, not from the one caused by this almost nothing wound

But, how sad is it to face the world on my own? To live this long, yet never had a soul to confide the littlest inconvenience to;

To tend the wounds and kiss it better;

To share the pain and laugh it off over a pint of ice cream later

— katayangtaksampai.

[katayangtaksampai]

I stumbled upon an album of us today.

For the past two years, I left it untouched, afraid of what memories or feelings would rush back if I gave it a peek.

But, today, I finally took a quick glance over. Surprisingly, it wasn't sadness or regret that I felt in that moment.

At first, I was actually laughing. Looking at the pictures of you I took secretly; you indeed look funny in some of them.

The next thing that crossed my mind was... how beautiful was it, the fact that I could feel so deeply for someone.

How beautiful is it that I am capable of having such infatuation and adoration.

I used to blame myself for wearing my heart on my sleeve, but isn't that actually the most precious gift? To be able to love fully without a fear?

I am so grateful I can now say that I didn't regret the way I loved, for it was pure and genuine.

And yes, I would absolutely like to feel that feeling again, to pour my affection to another vessel.

Although, I do hope that when that time comes again, it will be for the right person;

for someone who is on the same page as I am, and will stay for even chapters to come.

—katayangtaksampai.

[katayangtaksampai]

"I still think you two should just date," said our mutual friend, to which he responded that he is "open to the idea" But, he doesn't want it now. He wants to focus on his career first and if once he's all settled and the interest is still there, then he would want to try. "No promises though", he emphasized. All I could say was "yep, not taking that as a promise" I guess I was too flabbergasted to even pose follow up questions regarding his statement. So, I just sat there and listened. I went home with so many thoughts running in my head. So, he actually has interest in me? But, timing just sucks for us, not once, but twice? It took me two years to bury any hope of us happening. Yet, as dumb as it was, for a couple of days after our meet up, a possibility of us seemed not so impossible. Then, we are here today. I'm just in my bed, scrolling my phone when a video caught my attention. The takeaway is, there is no such thing as later. Later is unpromised. Life doesn't give you infinite time and choices. If he doesn't want me now, but might want me later, he simply doesn't want me enough to begin with. Needing more time, wanting to focus on one's career or whatnot, they're just made up excuses. He simply cannot commit. And you know what? I always deserve a solid yes. I deserve someone who is 100% sure of me, someone who is willing to commit. It sure felt like a wake up call once again listening to those words.

— early morning thoughts.

[katayangtaksampai]

— I can treat you better than she can.