daydreamings & reminiscences;

I love beautiful things.

[katieees]

i love being wrapped up in his arms

like a burrito

[katieees]

notes to my (younger) self

- you are valuable

- find people who see the value in you

- learn who your friends are and aren’t - the friends of convenience versus the ones that choose you.

- it’s okay to feel sad when people choose other people. it does not mean that you are worth less than the others. it means that they do not see your worth.

- you have the right to choose others too. 

- being hurt means you valued the people you saw as friends. as much as it sucks, you learned lessons from them.

- earnestness, openness and sincerity is not weakness. insecurity is.

- staying hurt gives others a power that they have no right to have over you and was created... only by you and your perceptions.

- sometimes, there is no closure from others. you have to find your own. 

- sometimes, there is - years later. leave your pride and soften your heart if that conversation does come up and be open to it. closure, when it is there, is healing.

- sometimes... you become the first choice because there are no others left. and when those others come back... you aren’t even a choice anymore.

- these people used you for your companionship. sometimes that happens - and maybe you do it too sometimes. 

- try to find friends for life but understand that not everyone sees it the same way - and like all things in life... they come and go. don’t put them on a pedestal. it’s hard to accept, I know. it still is.

- there is nothing wrong with you if you do not have a “crew” of people to hang out with. you were never meant for them anyway. that’s not really how you interact with people and that’s something you end up realizing later. maybe that’s why no one ever really got to know who you were.

- you might not be totally sure right now and sometimes things might be hard, but in a few years you will be marrying your best friend. you will make it work and help each other grow over the seven years that you have been together.

and even when things aren’t great you will always choose each other.

you finally found a friend who will always choose you, for the rest of their lives.

isn’t that awesome?

[coffeeforthemoon]

© Anna Kubel

[aristocrator]

[birdasaurus]

The Noisetier

[katieees]

I talk about you all the time at work. how I'm crazy about you. how you inspire me to change and be a better person.

after a night full of bitterness and jealousy, I needed to hear that we were in this together

[katieees]

I just love living life with you.

[growaglow]

[coffeeandgrace]

“So many people enter and leave your life. Hundreds of thousands of people. You have to keep the door open so they can come in. But it also means you have to let them go.”

— Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close // Jonathan Safran Foer

[tabarakallah]

I think it’s beautiful when God saves you from something you wanted so badly

[grayskymorning]

Gardenista

[floralls]

by Nguyễn Đức Sơn

[palmingly]

Cornish Coast by anthonyharle.com on Flickr.

[antiporn-activist]

You say:

“ All women are beautiful”

but what you probably mean is:

“All women have value.”

And the reason you’re mixing up those two words is that you’ve been raised to believe that only beauty can confer value on women.

[katieees]

sometimes I wonder how I ended up this way - fully mistrusting of people and convinced that no one is here to stay.

I’m more opinionated, but more judgmental - when people hurt me, I cut them out of my life and that’s that. I don’t think anyone cares enough to wonder why. and yet I obsess over these slights and it hurts no one but myself while they live happily without even a thought about me. I want that. To not care so much about every single tiny little thing - to live freely and yet I understand that all I need to be is content with what I have but maybe it’s not so simple. and so to see others move on with their lives has made me embittered and longing for more. I want and yet I pull away and I cut people out who don’t meet my expectations for friendship - are they impossible ones? 

it’s a paradox of being ambivalent about the idea of friendships and yet desperately wanting human connection and that chemistry that other people seem to have. I think I’ve wanted that all my life and never found it. Or maybe it doesn’t even exist.

I wonder if it’s the anxiety or if I’ve just become bitter and come to the conclusion that people only have so much attention and care to give - there are jobs to be done, places to travel to, significant others to tend to... that’s life, right?

Maybe it’s just simply that I just don’t know how to deal with the realities of life.

Having anxiety has changed everything.

[katieees]

my reputation’s never been worse - so you must like me for me.

the first taylor song I’ve loved in a long time

[katieees]

“I’m happy. I’m happy that I can call you mine.”