strange & radiant

[uglyfruit]

[ID: Three scraps of fabric with red outlined text embroidered onto them. The first one is a pale orange fabric whose text reads “you’re safe”. The second one is a pink fabric whose text reads “you’re forgiven”. The third one is a white fabric whose text reads “you’re holy”.]

[katrznaa]

did you guys miss me ? be honest

follow me on insta @ littlestbabiee for memes & content 💖

[cemeterey]

[katrznaa]

Harvestmen -

Hunter of the depths who weaves

a million lies, tall tales meant to trap

entangled in this web

your masterpiece of betrayals.

You and her are perfect for one another

maybe I’ll get lucky, and she’ll rip you in two.

Torture you in harsh ways, the ways I never

could. I never had the strength to walk away

only to tear out my heart time and time again

underserved, for you who lies and cheats

and lusts alone, separated from me entirely.

Tearing out my throat would’ve been a kinder

fate, a toothed mercy on the one you’ve ruined

so thoroughly, destroyed in the wake

of all your tragic confessions.

Wolf girl who breaks into a million pieces

evolutionary love grenade.

Who broke your heart

and didn’t try to mend it?

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

Sweet Toothed Girl -

Broken and bubbling

words hot to the touch like magma crawl

up my throat, leaves me spitting smoke, volatile

and about to erupt. I try to contain that which

promises to purge but it burns a hole below

my chin, leaking fire and harsh words

lava-tongued and forgotten.

When I smile blood fills my mouth, intentions

coated in ash and powdered sugar, sickly sweet

and made to hide. Nothing but a sweet toothed

girl - a grin made of candy corn. Shame lights

my face and I shrink and shrivel up until

I resemble a fetus, curled safely in the womb.

Pure and untouched are my thoughts in these

moments misremembered, no longer

a dreamer of death and decay.

Just a little split-lip baby, born to bleed.

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

Renewal -

Love overwhelms like a river

running over the banks, covered in ashes -

the soot of those better left forgotten.

So inconvenient and all encompassing

are the dregs of my love for you

the way you guide me as I sleep

still by my side, the ethereal companion

of my dreams. Oh how I long to touch you

to feel your warmth. But even in this world

you're still just out of reach. Forever dancing

your way away from my arms, left grasping

for the tattered remains of favorite t shirts

and often repeated lyrics. The songs

you wrote, still wander into my head

from time to time and I attempt to clamp

my skull shut against your memorized voice.

Sew up my ears against that which causes

immeasurable pain. Dulcet tones which cried

out the end of us, where there should

have been shrieks and spitfire there was

nothing but a heavenly tune. I wipe the music

notes gently off my cheeks along with

the tears I've wept, freed from the burden

of blue eyes and heavy minds.

If I could clench your smile between my fingers

like a fistful of snakes

I'd begin to unravel it

tooth by tooth.

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

I am not who I used to be.

You don't know me anymore.

[katrznaa]

Goddess of Decay -

If I could touch your cheek

would it be gentle?

Or would I grab and pull

ripping apart

your mother’s dimples

the blood your father

discarded so easily

flowing down your neck.

I can taste the winter

in the air that gushes out

of your gasping lips

even as I shove my hand

inside your screaming mouth

and reach down your throat

to finally silence the voice-box

that’s been poisoning my mind

for years. If I thought it would

help – I’d throw your quaking

heart in the dirt, split it in two

and let your wandering soul

fly into the stars.

Unencumbered.

Never unwanted.

Your peace is more

than you deserve

but it’s fitting

the way your heartbreak

scrapes your brains

across the sky

in the middle of the town

you could never

bring yourself to leave.

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

Growth –

I’ve waited to fall

for much too long

dragging my feet

when I should’ve been and gone.

These betrayals hurt and I sit in them

like a wading pool of sins and sinners

washing over me, baptized and greeting

a new existence. I’ve been self-sacrificing

in the face of careless brutality, the way you

shake me down and fuck me up

leaves my head spinning. My heart

dangles on a rope waiting to be fed

to foul beasts, creatures of the old

and the unwanted.

I’m left a hallowed tree

parted from my insides and everything

that gave me meaning. On fire

underneath a full moon, still burning

even after a hundred years or more.

Scooped clean and left to bleach in the sun

my skeleton remains a looming memorial

to spectral loves long past.

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

The Sinner -

You drink my suffering

like water. Use it to sustain

yourself when the well runs dry.

We always were just the serpent

and the apple, who were drawn to one

another. Rare birds kept warm through

the fire of an unset sun.

The devil was jealous of our devotion

and so we fell, legths uncalculated

until where once there was roses

there is now only rot. Sickly sweet

how it clings to my nose

and reminds me only of you -

You and I, and how we would both

move heaven and earth for our children.

Like shards of broken glass we don't

fit together anymore, but at least in this

we can agree, as much as I hunger

to devour every last morsel of your soul

your fate is better served within

the purgatory of the forgotten.

-K.U.

[katrznaa]

[katrznaa]

Bypass -

Like a ghost I wail and moan

willing you to come back to me.

My insides bubble and curl

with thoughts of you - your absence

like a scar that marrs clean flesh.

Losing breath between screams

I am become a bottomless pit

of need, so empty and banished

out of sight and out of mind and still

dripping with the blood of so many

conflicts left unresolved. In my

loneliness I am strangely free

untethered from that which

previously weighed me down

pushing on my shoulders like

a cloak of longing, heavy like

so many rocks we collected

from the beach. Dreary and gray

and then brought to life through

exposure to soft hands and cooled

waves of pleasure. Stopped and stuck

like a plasticized attack - aorta stuffed

with so many bad memories it makes

it hard to breathe, hard to breathe

without a lit cigarette in my hand.

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

Abusive -

You swallow her suggestions like wine.

Wings cut through the matter of creation

blessed with the gift of total 'clarity' -

my eyes roll through the back of my skull.

Any abuses you think you've suffered

are merely reflections of your own

as I remained caught tight in your

masterful web of betrayals.

Slander me all you want, your words

don't matter to me anymore. The grip

you held on my heart like shackles

has been undone, and in my freedom

I am born anew. A fresh soul who lacks

the insecurities you forced upon me

through your love for another

time and time again. I gave you

my whole heart, and still it was never

enough and so I was punished for every

action taken, a reaction to your own

poor decisions, your inability

to remain true. I'm rid of the weight

on my shoulders which you placed there

so carefully, brick by brick a heavy tomb

in which I laid obedient, wrapped in

wrinkled sheets. Blood stained reminders

of the life I used to lead, fled and now

unwanted as a whole. Your face once full

is now a crescent of lost meaning

at which I can stare with no remorse.

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

Beyond –

The veil thins, a gauzy sheen

so close to nonexistence

that I could almost reach out

and touch my fingertips

to the upturned corners of your lips.

I wish my neurons could carry

a message through the air itself

ever so gently, into your mind from mine.

The darker half of time greets me

with a kiss on both cheeks

autumn equinox and winter solstice

leading me away – Samhain, the cloak

and dagger, the gorgon of my dread.

I have no pride, no price. Just barely

subsisting off the dregs of your love

self-abasing even as I beg for more.

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

Vultures –

Picked apart to tender pieces

used up, lacking the feelings that make this

worthwhile. Numb in love like frostbite

righteous in my condemnation

of you and your creations, trickster figures

naked and afraid in the garden of Eden.

You would defy me and defile my love

maladjusted as you are

to this amount of pressure

the asking price for entrance

to the world beyond the surface.

Sentenced so that we might feast

upon your blood and body

for aren’t you Christ-like in your exposure

bare in vulnerability amongst mountains

and the distant aspirations of mankind

now laid to waste. You have robbed me

of reason, a demon scorned

and embraced by carrion

the casual way in which

you watch me fall apart.

Led astray to the birthplace of the wicked

you’ve scavenged my heart

through the paper walls of my chest.

Eternal torment, arraigned as I am under

your watchful eyes

set to stun.

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

Half Moon –

Torn in two and teetering, strange.

I wonder if I were to dig into my chest

trading chunks of flesh for open spaces

would you love me then? If I made room

for you in sacred places, would you

appreciate me more? I bow to the sky

and pray to the moon, hoping one day

you’ll see me for what I truly am. Torn

in two, the piece that’s missing, I knot

myself to your side and we’re whole

while somehow still remaining broken.

If I could gift you the world I would

in a heartbeat, if I could shoulder your

pain I’d bear it long. I worship at my altar

giving you strength in my stead. Speaking

in tongues, I am resurrected in my pain

a new life stolen one sacrifice at a time.

I remain alone and lonely - I miss when you

loved me well but today you’re a sore

reminder, a cursed presence leaning in my

doorway refusing to make room for the light.

Out of my skin bubbles countless letters

declarations of love, signing away your worth

on a wish. Rings with stones made of

starlight and broken promises

smashed and sacred. I’m left empty.

The rejection hurts but not as much as

loving you.

- K.U.

[katrznaa]

Protected –

Would you censor my pain

blur out the chains that hold me

all in the name of happy endings

pixelated fairytales for the forgotten.

Cold comfort, immersed in golden light

dimming even as we dance a slow dance -

a close dance like that of lovers

leaping to murky waters below.

My assumptions drag me this way and that

on a roller coaster of my own emotions

spun out of control, centrifugal forces heavy

in my chest, alongside what we left behind.

I lament my own inability to move on

trapped in these moments like quicksand

sight fading into a geometric paradise

eyes full of dirt and happier days spent

under the sun, developing.

Burnt to ashes like old photographs.

A Polaroid reckoning with your shuttering grin.

- K.U.