Kat Sangalang

A half insane, socially crippled, existentially anxious 22 year old.

[hangingbythemoments-deactivated]

Reasons to marry me: We’d eat pizza and listen to good music together and we’d probably fuck 14 times a week and buy too many pets and build pillow forts.

[katttastrophic]

He makes me want to fly back home right at this moment. Straight to his bed, hug his sleeping form and kiss him awake.

[goodreadss]

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life (via goodreadss)

[horrifying]

[solipsistic-k]

To my Kermit 🐸

Hello my Kermit! Or rather future boyfriend.. ( if I ever get one. )

LOL this is gonna be cheesy so prepare yourself.

Kermit, first I want to say thank you. Thank you for being patient with me, for keeping up with me until now because I know it’s hard to love me. One reason for this is I give people a hard time when it comes to giving my trust and love to them.. I’ve been hurt many times and those times scared me.. Scared me to give my heart to anyone again. Being hurt… It’s not fun. And the result of that caused me to hurt other people too. I don’t mean to hurt them.. I’m just trying not to hurt ME for the umpth time. So sorry too for giving you a hard time, but your with me now so I guess you survived. And I’ll love you very much for that. ☺️

Kermit, I dont expect us to be perfect. I don’t expect anything much from the both of us just that we’ll stay faithful and trusting. Because that’s what I believe a relationship should have…

I hope when you read this we’re already long and steady in our relationship. I hope you still love me as much as you live me the first time you realize that you do. I hope your love for me will only grow.. I hope it doesn’t die..

Don’t worry, when I love, I love like how a penguin loves. Usually.. Lol

Oh! Another thing.. I expect us to have dates.. Like movies dates with popcorn and ice cream.. Wait no I like chips more.. Chips and ice cream. Simple dates, I like those more.. You’ll know why or you know why already.

I’m curious as to who you are. Like where you are right now? What’s your name? Are you single right now or are you with someone at the moment? What kind if person are you… What your favorite ice cream is.. Do you like pets? So many questions floating in my head right now.. I guess I’ll ask you when we meet. Speaking of when we meet.. Have we met yet? If we have lol we had no clue. Anyway..

Take care of my heart Kermit! It has some cracks already and if you drop it, it may shatter completely. I hope you like me for who I am.. And understand me.. Especially my unique way of thinking ☺️

Till we meet!

Ms. Piggy 🐷

[solipsistic-k]

THINKER.

I am a Thinker. Not the little blonde fairy kind with magical dust kind, but the pondering about life and shit kind.

I don’t like being a thinker.. Because it makes me see all the bad things in my life.. Or how shitty I am. Everyday my mind consumes me.. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. My mind is never quiet.. It’s always noisy.

It’s literally a very long monologe that doesnt have a period, only commas. I hate this so much. There’s so many things that are inside my head, but it’s so hard to put into words..

I want to.. I want to let it all out, but I can’t.. Or rather I don’t know how to.

I like to read.. Reading is a temporary escape.. It’s one way to temporarily give me a break from my mind.. Because in books they end. They have periods I evny books. I wish I was just a book. A happy ending book.

Being in my mind is scary… Im scared of being in my mind.. That’s one of the reasons why I hate it.

It keeps me awake late at night till dawn.. Sometimes the thoughts are too loud.. Like their shouting right at my ears. Crazy as it is, I try to muffle them out by blocking my ears with my hands and shut my eyes really thightly.

There are times when I can handle it… There are times when I can’t. I try my best not to break down.. But it’s hard…

I’ve never told this to anyone before.. Only an exception 2 people. One understands just the stress of it.. And the other I’ve tried to explain… In the best possible and most understandable way. But they will never know how hard it is. Everyday is hard. Everyday I do my best to show the happy funny me. Everyday I try not to think..

I hate breaking down, it makes me feel weaker.

It’s hard to focus on things I have to finish… My mind gets in the way. My mind always gets in the way.

My mind is in ruins and a maze together.

This is just a scratch of the surface of my fucked-upness. Why am I even like this?

I can’t find answers.. Because I can’t talk to people around me.. To tell them what’s happening inside my head… How i am having a hard time.. Im scared that they’ll think Im just seeking attention.. That i am over-reacting…

Im not a attention whore.. I hate attention..

Do I need help? Should I talk to someone? Will this ever end? When will this end?

It’s so depressing how hard it is to put everything into words.. The feelings.. I’ll end this here.. Because I’m getting sad the more I write about this.. And crying silently makes my head hurt and i feel like something is stuck in my throat when tears fall silent.

[extramadness]

[katttastrophic]

[solipsistic-k]

Past Life; reincarnation

I was reading this book titled ‘When We Collide’ by Emily Lord and there was a part of it where in the protagonist talks about past lives and reincarnations. It got me thinking what was I in my previous lives/life. How many times have I been reincarnated. Was this my first life or will this be my last?

I believe in all of those things. Living things being reborn, to live a different life to be something or someone else. Its fascinating.

I think I’ve had a few lives before.. but I’m not sure of how many. I think.. no I know one of them has to do with water. I have this thing with water.. I love seeing it, being near it. The feel of it at the same time also terrifies me. But arent we all scared, terrified of what we love the most?

Anyway. Yeah past lives. Maybe I was a sea turtle once.

[katttastrophic]

My insomnia is getting bad.

[katttastrophic]

Its 3:01am and my heart feels empty.

[katttastrophic]

[katttastrophic]

“Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety”

[katttastrophic]

A lot has happened in the last ten months and I don't regret a thing. The only thing is I'm gonna miss the people I see everyday, I'll miss the smell of coffee and the sticky hands. This was a great experience and I'll never forget those moments.

[katttastrophic]

So I like like this person.. I think.

[katttastrophic]

October has gone by fast

For the past month I've been so busy because of work. Too busy or tired to talk to my friends and recently something happened.. and now I'm having to say goodbye to people I've just met..to people I didn't want to. I might not see them..maybe not forever but not right now..or any time soon.. So many things have happened this October that I can't wrap it around my head. But I want to focus more on the positive.. yea..the moments where I'm most happy. And also be there for my friends, do better at work, and just enjoy each day.

[wnq-writers]

You are not some victim of the cosmos just a living, breathing, walking tragedy trying to make sense of it like the rest of us.

vodkaisthatyou (via wnq-writers)