All works listed below are strictly 18+, as they all contain smut and/or other adult themes. Explanatory notes are listed below and each story/chapter has its own list of warnings.
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Everything listed below is pure fiction. I do not know the members of Greta Van Fleet and any resemblance to real poeple is purely coincidental.
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Olalla
Josh Kiszka x f!OC x Jake Kiszka
finished series (150.000 words)
m/f; twin fic; △ ♪ ⁈
All stories:
one-shots:
Usually Sexual – m/m
A Rollercoaster Ride with Tom&Jerry – m/m; ♪ ⁈
Everybody's Got a Secret – m/f
Pierrot Sleeps – m/f; ♪ ⁈
So Pretty When All Alone – m/unspecified
Draw The Line – f/m/m; △
Unicorn – crack fic
Mirror, Mirror – m/f; ♪
Misty Thursday Reflections (The Olalla universe) – twin fic; △ ♪ ⁈
Little Souls – m/f; twin fic; △ ♪ ⁈
Lines – m/f; ♪ ⁈
Peek-a-boo – f/m/m; △ ♪ ⁈
Conversations With Your Personal Sunshine – f/m, ♪
Lampshade – m/f
I Am His Guitar, I Gently Weep – m/f; ♪
My Lover's Hands Are Travelers – m/f; ♪
Stargazers – ♪ ⁈
Nights In White Satin – m/f; ♪
His Sugar-Dusted Skin part 01 – ♪ ⁈
Just Once – m/f; ♪ ⁈
Misty Thursday Reflections (The Olalla universe) – △ ♪ ⁈
Little Souls – m/f; △ ♪ ⁈
Toying with Me – m/f; ♪ and a pinch of ⁈
Lazy Friday Shenanigans (The Olalla universe) – m/f; ♪ ⁈
Explaratory notes:
📘 finished series
📖 work in progress/unfinished series
♪ – love/fluff
m/f – explicit smut
m/m – same-sex explicit smut
△ – love triangle
⁈ – angst and other adult themes
About: Wouldn’t you want a sweet, healing kiss from Josh when you're feeling a little bit low? That’s basically what this is about.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.
Warnings (are spoilers): kissing, french kissing, being outside in the middle of nowhere after dark, friends to friends with benefits, mentions of previous failed relationships, allusions to abusive ex-partners, mood swings, melancholy, mild depression
Nothing can compare to lazy summer evenings spent outside, when every sensory perception instantly soothes the overloaded mind. It’s even better when it’s shared with someone dear. Late picnics, skinny dipping, and all that shit. Just best friends hanging out. You had always loved that for a reason, and it was so much needed lately. The fragrant air of drowsy nature now filled your nostrils and the hum of chirping insects and splashing water seemed magnified tenfold now that everything else calmed down. It always helped to create an illusion that the daily troubles never really mattered.
If only it could last forever.
You and Josh remained lying on the still warm wooden planks of a small pier long after the sun had set. Long after the subsequent indigo-tinted twilight bled to inky black, nearly swallowing everything and heightening all the other senses. Now that the moon was up, you could see again. Not everything, just the necessary outlines of the world around you and the vastness of the sky above, no longer hidden behind the blue veil that hides the whole truth of our existence during waking hours.
Beautiful. Quite humbling, too.
Even though this moment spent together was supposed to be mostly about slowing down, the time was running disagreeably fast all of the sudden. So fast as the revolving Earth that made the surroundings change so rapidly around you. You swore you could feel it when you closed your eyes. The night would soon be over.
Goosebumps appeared on your skin as the evening breeze caressed it. That was a welcome sensation though, making you feel both grounded and disconnected from the mundanity and petty worries of the recent days. Or weeks. No, definitely months.
The sudden silence between the two of you after an evening spent with laughter was welcome as well. It didn’t sever the fragile connection between your mind and his, quite the other way round – it let you pretend that it was and could be perpetual. It also seemingly helped to stretch the remaining time just a little bit.
Well, until Josh broke the silence, because he just couldn’t keep that illusion for long. Bless him; his voice IS beautiful, but silence is bliss as well sometimes…
“This is fun. We should do it more often.”
You looked sideways at Josh, who still had his eyes fixed on the stars above. Deep down, you wholeheartedly agreed, and yet your only reaction to that was a slightly aggravated sigh.
It was fun… or could have been, if your self-sabotaging thoughts hadn’t been getting in the way despite your best efforts, making other less desirable feelings keep creeping back to the surface of your mind the moment he said that aloud. Partly because Josh kept saying that so often that it turned to a meaningless phrase, even though you somehow knew he really meant it this time because it sounded more subdued than usual. More natural and honest. More… repentant. It was meant for your ears only, which felt comforting. The only problem being that he just addressed the core of the problem. It doesn't happen very often anymore. That was the other reason.
You should have been content with what you got, but the sudden overload of feel-good, albeit bittersweet, and the awareness of how fleeting it could really be just made you greedy. Josh had always been one of those few dear people, but always drifting away. It only got worse with time.
He didn’t respond right away, giving you the opportunity to watch the outline of his profile for several more seconds. You knew he knew it was simply something you enjoyed doing, just like you liked looking at flowers in bloom or watching the birds nesting on a tree outside your childhood bedroom every time you went to visit your old man.
Josh was pretty, and pretty things are meant to be looked at, if only to forget the bad ones.
It was a simple matter of balance. Just adding some colors to the everyday mundane black&white bullshit. Not everything was bad. Definitely not.
Lying on that wooden pier and watching the night sky was definitely not a bad thing to do. It could easily make the peak of your year so far.
Which was kind of sad.
“You disagree…,” he finally broke the silence and looked at you, startling you a little bit. You could barely make out the features of his face in the near darkness, but the dark eyes stood out anyway. Like two onyx pebbles.
It was a simple statement, because you obviously did disagree… with something. Something in between the lines. He could have chosen to disregard it, and you wouldn’t really mind it that much.
However, it still kept hanging out in the air like a question that really should get answered and elaborated on. And despite knowing that he kept waiting for it, you just sighed again and looked back up at the starry sky. It was both stubborn and childish, you thought, inadvertently turning it into something much bigger than it really was… but you couldn’t help it.
“Y/N…”
“We really should. Do this more often, I mean. The problem is that we just don’t,” you finally mustered enough courage to say. “I miss the old days when, even though you were often away, you never forgot to call when you were not…”
It definitely sounded like an accusation, and while you really hadn’t wanted to ruin the moment with anything like that, the fact that it finally passed through your lips like a breath that had been held for way too long made you feel a little bit lighter.
Back in the day, you had never feared to be open and sincere in Josh’s company, which is exactly what had made those shared moments so priceless. And so missed. ‘I’m your willow tree,’ he once said. ‘Lie down in the shade, let it out and lay it on me.’
And you always reciprocated… until you started to feel like he didn’t need it anymore, finally content with himself and inadvertently drifting away from you and your moody blue. Seeking new people who were outwardly a bit more fun. Or so it seemed.
That’s just life, you kept telling yourself. Even the best friendships have expiration dates. True, some can last a lifetime, but that’s rare.
Josh shifted a little beside you, though he still remained lying on his back. “I know. But you said that yourself. We got ‘life to live, dicks to cherish…’”
Yeah, you had said that before, and it seemed only natural that he’d use it in his defense.
And to be fair, it wasn’t Josh’s fault that while he had been making the best of both, your life had started to revolve around the same gray spot and your cherished dick and the person attached to it turned out to be a complete asshole.
You took a deep breath. The air was just as fragrant as it had been the moment before, the wooden planks you lay on still held the warmth of the sunny day that had just passed, and the stars above still looked blissfully indifferent, but the atmosphere had already changed.
Josh propped himself on his elbow and looked down at you. “But I’m here now and you look sad. So lay it on me.”
You dared to look up into Josh’s eyes again as he remained hovering above you. There were no sunrays to shelter your sight from anymore, but it never mattered anyway, because Josh himself was like sunshine. Your personal sunshine, in spite of all his flaws and all the other things that irritated you sometimes. People don’t have to be perfect to become that important to someone else. Imperfections only make life interesting and colorful.
It made you wonder whether he could also see you as interesting… or just annoying.
“I’m fine.”
Now it was his time to let out an annoyed huff. “I can literally hear the cogwheels of your mind spinning. You seem a bit off, so stop insulting me by thinking I haven’t noticed. You don’t fool me.”
“It’s really nothing serious.”
“Liar.”
Josh raised one eyebrow and his face looked eerie in the near darkness. As if he really could see right through you. You’d almost laugh, if it wasn’t for that hollow feeling at the pit of your stomach that you hated but couldn’t get rid of. “This is unsettling, Josh. You’re making me nervous.”
“Fine.” He lay back down next to you, only a little bit closer this time, with your shoulders now touching. Like two kittens seeking physical proximity for the sake of comfort. You knew Josh knew it comforted you. “Now spill.”
Fine… “I’m heartbroken, kiss-starved, and maybe just a little bit unhappy with life in general… I guess.”
“That does sound serious.”
So did Josh’s voice all of the sudden, his tone low and soothing. Almost balmy… and adjusted once again perfectly just for your ears and soul. That man operated like he ate empathy for breakfast in copious amounts, mixed with his granola. While fun and unserious by default, he could switch off the joviality and attune to the other person within a second if necessary.
However, for some unknown reason, it made you feel guilty… and also wondering whether it really was a necessary change. You had been looking forward to spending some quality time with the bubbly version of him since the moment he had suggested this night picnic. The last thing you wanted now was to ruin the moment with your lamentations.
“Maybe a bit over-dramatic as well. I just can’t help it.”
You could feel Josh’s fingers brush over the back of your hand before he took it in his, squeezing it gently. It was a pretty straightforward reassuring gesture. Like no, you’re not and I get ya.
“You should have called me, ya know?”
That actually made you laugh. “Because you’re notoriously well-known for answering your phone.” There was no bitterness in that statement this time, and you knew he knew, because he chuckled too.
“Point taken.”
Silence fell in between the two of you again, and this time it held a notable amount of weight, indicating the discussion wasn’t yet completely over. Josh wanted to hear more, he just let the minutes stretch – something he was rarely capable of doing. You knew it meant he was doing his best to let you sort out your thoughts so that you could chew them up and spit them out like bitter bite. He of all people knew how hard it was to do that sometimes.
And so you told him. About all those late nights spent wondering whether it was really your fault that he didn’t come home again. About all those breakdowns when you ended up crouching on the floor, sobbing. And he didn’t seem to care. Sometimes he even laughed. About the job promotion and the subsequent celebration that ended up with spilled wine on the table. In a restaurant. In front of all those people. And he didn’t care that it made you cry. He only cared what all those people would think of him.
“Prick.”
The way it escaped Josh’s lips made the word sound like a cracker. And that was pretty symbolic too, because even though those memories still left a bitter taste in your mouth, you could finally feel he no longer had any power over you. It turned out that telling Josh all about it was the last step you needed to take to be able to seal it.
The air that filled your lungs with the next inhale felt so much lighter.
“Yeah, no shit, he was. Is… as far as I know. The good thing is that I don’t love him anymore. Took me a while, but I feel like I’m finally free. Not exactly happy, just able to breathe again.”
“So you’re not heartbroken anymore…”
It took you by surprise, wondering what he was getting at. It could have been easily interpreted as a dismissive statement, but Josh knew you knew that wasn’t the case. And he was still holding your hand, just in case. Acknowledge it, then let it go.
“No… I guess not. But… now it just feels empty.”
“Yeah, I fuckin’ know the feeling.”
You had heard that choked-out tone several times already, including your last genuine conversation a couple years ago when you had opened your arms and let Josh fall in your embrace. A lot had changed since then, including the two of you. It felt like a lifetime ago now, and yet both of you still seemed to remember the earlier versions of you. That was comforting. “But it’s only temporary, right?” you whispered.
“Yeah… that..the..it’s temporary. Life will always give you new opportunities to fill it with something or someone new. Ya just have to keep your eyes open. And the…the heart. I truly believe that.”
Of course he did. Josh always had his pockets full of such pearls of wisdom and there were times when it all seemed way too optimistic, almost annoyingly so, but now you desperately wanted to believe it too. “Thank you. I think I really needed to hear that. This way of thinking is rare these days.”
“Glad to be of service.” You could feel those words as clearly as you heard them when a sudden waft of warm air swept over your left ear, and with it a more internal sensation that ran deeper. The sky above looked so vast and cold in contrast to the imaginary protective dome of your little personal world. Within it, the heat emanating from Josh’s body kept you warm and safe, his hand still held yours firmly. And now, his hot breath on your neck made your skin tingle. He was no doubt looking at you from up close, which was suddenly slightly unnerving, but you tried not to think about it. Not even when he spoke again: “Now about that other thing you mentioned… maybe I could help with that too… if you wanted me to.”
The other thing I mentioned… You still sensed his eyes on you, with your own sight fixed on the North Star. The following seconds stretched, and the thoughts you filled them with meant nothing, until it finally dawned on you. You quickly disentangled your fingers and sat up perhaps a bit too abruptly, turning around to look down at him in disbelief.
Josh seemed unfazed, with his other arm folded under his head and a wicked side smile on his face. You knew he knew what caused your sudden reaction, but you asked anyway, just to be a hundred percent sure.
“What? You wanna kiss me? Are you crazy?”
“Well, yes, darling. You know I am. And yeah, I think it’s only logical that I should do that. You’re kiss-starved, I got lips…”
He sure did… now insolently pouting at you to accentuate both his point and the body parts in question. As if they needed accentuating. “That’s not… I meant from… by… someone who loves me!”
Josh pressed his right hand to his chest in (hopefully) mock offense. “And I don’t?”
“No…” He looked genuinely stunned, which only made your stuttering worse: “No… I mean, yes…? Oh come on, you know what I mean!”
The truth is that the idea made your heart beat fast while your brain got flooded with conflicting thoughts. It was objectively a bad idea, but alas, wrongdoing makes things exciting, and your bodily reaction betrayed you, leaving you momentarily stupefied by thrill and embarrassment. You barely noticed Josh lifted himself up and was now kneeling in front of you, studying your face illuminated just by the silver moonlight. He took your hand in his again. It was a light, gentle touch. Friendly enough to feel safe, but also very tender. You had always wondered how he did that. A true non-verbal poet.
“So you don’t wanna? It-t…is ok. I just t-”
“Maybe I do,” you whispered. “But… how?”
It was such a stupid question that you immediately expected him to come up with another cheeky remark, but instead Josh just cupped your cheeks with both hands, virtually sealing the deal. You really wanted to touch him back, but your own hands started to tremble. It was all happening so fast and you desperately wanted to just feel – a luxury you had been denying yourself for quite a while. “However you want,” he mumbled back.
One last thought escaped the back of your mind like a stinky fart. “I don’t want a favor.” You regretted those words immediately, mortified by what you instantly imagined would be his reaction...
“Tsk! Stop insulting my amorous skill.”
Such relief!
Laughing with your face still squeezed in between Josh’s palms was a little bit awkward, no doubt. There was absolutely nothing amorous about it. And yet your heart swelled when he smiled back and booped your nose. Josh had always had this habit of blurring the lines between friendzone and more dangerous territories. Long hugs, fleeting touches, he had even kissed your hair once or twice. You were no stranger to his body heat or scent.
Some people often found it shocking, confusing or intrusive, but those who knew him soon got used to it. So, the truth is that it wasn’t his proposal that shocked you; your own reaction to it did. And as if he could read your mind again, Josh continued: “Besides, you don’t love love me either, but your cheeks are burnin’.”
He was right. You had been hoping he wouldn’t notice how that offer affected you both physically and emotionally, but… this was Josh. That man just always knew. That’s why you valued his friendship so much.
A lot could go wrong. However, the thought got more and more blurry with each passing second and he even licked his lower lip to make things worse.
The wind rose, ruffling Josh’s dishevelled curls. The time seemed to slow down to a near stop as you watched how the moon sprinkled his hair with white sparkles the same way its light bounced off the water ripples behind him. It took some effort to look into his eyes this time, but it was necessary. Josh held your gaze in silence, waiting for the final nod, until your view got partially obscured by your own unruly strands.
Nature surely begged you to be reckless for a change. Who were you to question it?
Your body fell forward, unthinking. Your hands moved on their own when they slid down Josh’s shoulders as your lips finally met in a soft, innocent and lingering kiss.
It felt like falling on downy cushions when sleep finally claims your stinging eyes. Like staring into a fireplace when there’s nowhere to rush to. Like a soft, warm hug after a dreadful day. That special kind of calm is hard to reach and when it happens the body feels weightless. The mind floats, eyes weep, heart overflows.
Josh’s plump lips moved gently, brushing over yours. You could feel him breathing; and each soft, barely perceptible exhale was like a silent word.
You.
For you.
Let…
It…
Go…
If only it could last forever. But it was you who broke that kiss when the tip of Josh’s tongue lightly touched your upper lip. Whether it was intentional or not, it opened a door you had been afraid to step through.
And yet you desperately wanted to, fully aware that no new world awaited there. No alternate reality that would change the course of your life. He didn’t belong in it like that. There was no mutual journey to take. Just one dizzying ride.
“Sorry,” he muttered while his fingertips slid gently down your arm.
“You can’t be apologizing for something I’m thankful for.” Before Josh could respond, you pulled him closer in a tight hug. The closeness healed you. Was it laced with excitement? Oh, yes, even though it remained resting within your ribcage. That’s how you finally knew this was safe. It lacked the gut-wrenching feeling of true arousal, but the emotional waves hit you like breakers. That’s what you so desperately needed and what he wanted to give. It would not change your shared tomorrows, but it could brighten yours with sunshine. “Please, kiss me some more.”
Josh’s cheek brushed against yours as he pulled away ever so slightly, first to look at you, then to close the gap between you again. You parted your lips in anticipation, welcoming the new sensation as the kiss deepened.
It was slow. Like swaying on a porch swing during summer rain. It was that special kind of intimacy you had been lacking and craving so desperately.
Josh cupped the back of your skull gently in his hand as he licked into your mouth, making you feel delightfully lightheaded. You dared to run your palms up his back, feeling every muscle under the cotton shirt. Josh knew how much you loved having your hair stroked, and he ran his fingers gently through it, slowly massaging your scalp while your shared breath grew heavier. You melted into the touch, trying to engrave every detail in your memory, because this was love in one of its purest forms.
“This was fun! We should do it more often,” he said when your lips finally parted and you let out a contented sigh.
And you laughed.
I'm still using my old taglist, but I'm aware it should get updated, so if you want to be added or removed from it, just let me know.
Warnings: Angst, gore, smut, historical references that might not be accurate, vampires being vampires. I never really know how much or what to actually include here, so please just proceed with your own judgment. And if you come across something that you think deserves to be noted here, please let me know!
Summary: a brief look at Josh’s life from Because The Night
Josh POV
It’s so cold. Cold and wet. The rain dancing across my face, each drop stinging my flesh as if to mock the trembling that already grips me. I’m frozen to the core of myself. Shaking, hollow, and barely tethered to the world. I try to scream, to call for help, but no sound escapes beyond a broken gurgle.
The last thing I remember is walking with Narin, our usual shortcut through the park, the one that always felt like ours alone. We were talking about the future, about what it might hold. I had mentioned children, one day, perhaps. The way her face shifted so quickly, as if trying to hide the flash of disgust and disdain, cut deeper than I could admit.
She said she wanted to travel, to drift freely through the world, unanchored by the weight of a family. I didn’t argue. I only said that I couldn’t leave my brothers behind. Something in her changed then, as if a wire had been pulled too tight and finally snapped. The conversation fell into silence, and that silence grew heavy. So heavy it seemed to press against my chest. I remember walking beside her, uncertain of what to say, feeling the distance stretch wider with every step.
Narin turned to me and smiled, a slow, deliberate curve of her lips that did not quite reach her eyes.
“My precious pet, Joshua,” she murmured. “You know my love for you knows no bounds. But I cannot be weighted down by things that no longer hold necessity for me. Children are of no interest. The chains and bonds of family and the obligation of that are burdens I will not carry. You must understand that. I have no need for them.”
She stepped closer, her voice softening into something almost tender. “But I do wish to keep what is mine. And you, my pet, are mine.”
Her words caught me off guard. My thoughts splintered, reeling at the notion that someone could speak so easily of love yet deny the very roots from which it grows. How could anyone not long for the warmth of family, the simple grace of nurturing life?
“I am not your property, Narin,” I said, forcing calm into a voice that trembled beneath the weight of disbelief. My mind churned, refusing to make sense of what I was hearing. This was not the woman I thought I’d come to know. The one whose laughter had once sounded as sweet as rain falling through the trees.
I must have worn my confusion plainly upon my face, for her trill of laughter rang out in response, bright and cruel, echoing in my ears. My vision sharpened, catching the glimmer of her form as she twirled and spun, lost in a dance known only to her. The sound of her laughter seemed to multiply, ricocheting off the darkness until it came from everywhere at once.
Then suddenly, she was gone, the air became still and before I could draw breath, a searing pain tore through my neck. White-hot and merciless. The kind of pain worthy of myth, so profound it seemed to reverberate through my bones and breath alike. Fear tore through me, swift and absolute, just as another blaze of agony split across my shoulder. It felt as though the very skin and muscle were being flayed from the bone. The rich, metallic scent of blood filled the air, thick and heady dancing at the edges of my pain until it was all I could taste, all I could breathe.
For a fleeting moment, my mind grasped at reason, at memory. At the thought of the men who had met their end in such a similar way. Worry for Jacob and of course for Narin flickered within me, the last ember keeping my heart from collapsing into despair. I searched the darkness for her, praying she had escaped. But when my gaze found hers, hope died on my tongue.
Her eyes met mine, wild and unrecognizable as she sank her teeth into the flesh of my abdomen, her nails raking down my thighs and shredding the muscles beneath her touch. I could feel the warmth of my own blood spilling across my skin as deep gouges marked every inch of me. By the time she stopped, I was scarcely whole. Flesh torn from my shoulders and left arm, strips of it hanging in tatters from my throat.
To this day, I do not know what stayed her hand, what flicker of restraint, if any, held her back from ending me completely. My vision dimmed, the world collapsing inward as the darkness drew me under.
When awareness returned, it was to the sting of light pressing against my eyelids. I tried to open my eyes, but the brightness was too much. I closed them again, waiting for the world to soften. When I finally dared to look, my gaze met a blurred outline, a face carved with impossible precision, and eyes the color of ice, so piercing they seemed to look straight through me.
Time passed but how much, I couldn’t say. Some of my wounds had mended almost completely, and with them I’d begun to adjust to what now passed for life. Lucio had been my guide through it all, patient and unwavering as he helped me grasp the impossible. That I was both living and dead.
It was a strange existence. Foreign, hollow, and heavy with loss. The realization that I could no longer feel the sun upon my skin was a quiet devastation, but even that paled beside the truth that I no longer had Jake. I didn’t know if he still lived, nor could he know of me. The distance between us felt unnatural, like the world had split in two and I’d been left behind. We had been inseparable since birth, two halves of the same whole and now, half of me was simply… gone.
Lucio had been there when my eyes first opened after death. He had fed me, cared for me, guided me through those first, terrible hours. His were the first eyes I saw in that new darkness. Icy blue, set against a complexion dark as the earth and they became the anchor I clung to while the hunger tore through me. I remember the way he steadied me, lifting me upright, the clean slice of his blade across his arm, and the impossible kindness in the act that followed. I hadn’t known what to do, but Lucio taught me, gently, as one might teach an infant to feed.
Slowly, my strength returned. And with strength came restlessness. My thoughts began to outrun my steps, filled with questions that clawed at me in the quiet hours. Would I ever see Jake again? Or Sam? Was I destined to remain hidden away like some creature of myth, condemned to move only beneath the veil of night?
I must have worn on Lucio’s patience with my endless questions, but he never let it show. Through every outburst, every surge of anger I could not yet control, he remained steady. If I could still call anyone family, it was him. Though even that truth could never fill the void of my brother Jake.
In time, I began to feel the slow pull of madness at the edges of my mind. Lucio’s vast library had been placed entirely at my disposal, and though I made good use of it, there is only so much solace a student of cinema can find in the printed word. The books offered distraction, nothing more. Temporary escapes into other worlds while my thoughts endlessly circled back to Jake and the question that haunted me. What had become of him?
I asked Lucio often if I might go back and search for my brother. He never refused me, yet never granted permission either. His answer was always the same, quiet and evasive: “I will find a way for you.”
It became his mantra, his promise, and his defense. No matter what I asked of him, no matter the need or whim, his reply was always that he would find a way. And, in truth, he always did. Lucio took pride in his ability to provide, to ensure that nothing I desired went unmet. Nothing, save for one thing. Jake. For that, there were no answers, only the hollow ache of uncertainty.
At last, my persistence wore him down. He reached out to Sal for word of my brother, and when the news came, it was not what I had hoped. The moment Lucio entered the room, I knew. His expression was heavy with sorrow, his voice breaking as he spoke the words that shattered what remained of me.
Jake was gone.
Narin had taken him from this world.
“Joshua, I am so sorry,” Lucio said, kneeling before me, his composure unraveling. “If not for the need to convince Narin you were gone, you could have been there for him. This is my fault. I have damned you to walk this earth until the end of time for my own desires, and because of me, you have suffered this loss.”
“Don’t,” I said softly, reaching to lift his face, to meet the ice of his eyes. “Don’t say that, Lucio. You’ve done everything you could to give me this life, and for that, I thank you.” My voice broke beneath the weight of it all. He was gone. My brother Jacob was gone. Half of me had been stripped from existence, and the hollow that remained echoed with grief so sharp it felt as though it might tear me apart.
In those days that followed, I clung to Lucio out of sheer necessity. He became the tether that kept me from slipping entirely into the abyss. Time moved forward, indifferent, while I dragged behind. Sinking deeper into the cold mire of sorrow. Lucio tried endlessly to draw me out, to lift me from the shadows that clung to me.
Months passed in that fog of mourning before he finally suggested we travel. That a change of place, a breath of air beyond these walls, might begin to ease the ache. I resisted at first, unwilling to leave the sanctuary of my grief. But Lucio could be persuasive when he wished to be. And so, against my better judgment, I agreed even though he would not tell me where we were going.
Rossinière, Switzerland, was home to Lucio’s family chalet, where we were to stay for an extended time. The place was extraordinary - more akin to a kingdom than a residence. Had it been built of stone, one might have called it a castle. Instead, it rose from the earth in warm alpine timber, resting upon a foundation of old masonry. Gabled roofs, broad windows, carved balconies, and great exposed beams gave it the kind of presence that seemed older than memory itself. I had never seen a home so grand, so steeped in history and quiet majesty.
Lucio spoke of it with fondness, telling me how one of his ancestors had built it in the mid 1700s, and how it had remained in his family ever since. His voice held the weight of lineage, something I felt deeply, perhaps because I had lost my own.
Lucio told me I could choose whichever room I wished, and so, half in jest, half in defiance of the emptiness within me, I claimed the entire second floor. He laughed at first, until I spread my few belongings across the rooms and made myself comfortable.
The first few days were restless. When Lucio retired to his quarters, I found myself wandering the dim corridors alone, the old wood creaking softly beneath my feet. I didn’t understand at first what I was seeking, but it was him. His presence had become a kind of anchor to me, especially after learning Jake was gone. With Lucio near, I did not feel entirely severed from the world.
In time, that need shifted into something more than closeness. I began to understand that I wanted him not only as a companion, but as something deeper, more binding. There was a connection between us that defied reason or explanation, something neither of us spoke aloud, but both of us felt.
We spent weeks in that chalet without once stepping beyond its walls. Just the two of us, existing in the quiet, as though the world outside had ceased to matter. Neither of us wished to break the fragile peace we had found in each other. Lucio had become my solace, my tether to the world. And somewhere in the silence between us, I began to suspect that my longing was not mine alone.
Lucio was the kind of partner dreams are made of, The kind who placed every need, every desire of mine above his own. No matter the difficulty, he always found a way. He had been there through both of the darkest moments of my existence, the night Narin so brutally tore my life apart, and the day I learned Jake was truly gone.
Never once did he make me feel like a burden. He bore my grief, my rage, my need for solace and did so with that quiet, haunting smile that made him seem at once human and something far beyond.
I often caught myself watching him as he moved, studying the effortless grace of his body, the calm surety of his presence too often, or too long. And I was certain he noticed. The faint, knowing smirk that would ghost across his lips from time to time betrayed as much.
He came to my room that evening, asking if I was ready to hunt. His voice was casual, but my attention was lost to the shape of his mouth. The soft, full curve of his lips as he spoke. I didn’t even realize I had moved closer until my feet brushed against his.
When I looked up, his eyes met mine. Those icy depths that had so often steadied me, this time causing something inside me to unspool. Heat rose through me, deep and undeniable. Slowly, I leaned toward him, and he met me halfway. Our lips met in a feather-light kiss at first, tentative and questioning as though we were both afraid the other might disappear. The kiss deepened, slow and searching, until his hands found my waist and drew me flush against him. My fingers traced the line of his chest, finding the collar of his shirt and tugging him nearer still. He tasted like warm memories.
I broke the kiss only long enough to catch my breath.
“What made you finally give in?” Lucio murmured against my mouth, amusement warm in his voice as he drew back just enough to meet my eyes.
“I didn’t know the feelings were mutual,” I admitted, laughter threading through my breath. “If I had, I might have… hastened things.”
Lucio smiled then, his gaze holding mine with a kind of fierce tenderness.
“Oh, Joshua,” he sighed, and the sound was almost reverent. “My dear, lost soul. I wanted you the moment I saw you.”
His confession stunned me, leaving me momentarily slack-jawed. Lucio only smiled and lifted my chin with a gentle finger.
“Close your mouth, sweet boy,” he said softly, though the words carried heat. “Unless you intend to use it.”
The tension between us thickened, somehow fragile but still electric. Then, wordlessly, Lucio took my hand and led me from the room. The hunger that had once driven us both was forgotten, replaced by something far more consuming.
The air between us tightened, warm and charged. And then Lucio took my hand and guided me toward his bedroom. The hunt could wait.
This hunger could not wait any longer.
The next century passed in a blur of bodies, hunger, and devotion. Lucio and I spent those hundred years quite literally fucking our way across Europe, pausing only to hunt when we needed, to feed when the appetite demanded, and to savor the world in every small, fleeting moment it offered us. A soft, breathless laugh escaped Lucio when he realized I had ceased feeding altogether.
He knelt upon the forest floor, his shirt discarded somewhere in the darkness, warm crimson tracing slow paths down the center of his chest. Fingers flexing as he grasped the body beneath him while his forearms strained, and biceps tightened.
Moonlight filtered through the canopy above, catching upon the broad line of his shoulders and the powerful curve of his back each time he lowered himself to feed. I should have looked away.
Instead, I found myself unable to force my eyes away from his form.
The warmth of my own meal had long since faded against my lap, forgotten entirely as my attention drifted helplessly toward him. There was something almost unfair in the sight of him, something predatory and beautiful all at once. Every movement seemed deliberate, every flex of muscle possessing a quiet, devastating grace.
Lucio paused. Slowly, those icy blue eyes lifted to meet mine as a knowing smile, wicked and blood covered, curved his lips.
"Joshua," he murmured, amusement threading through his voice. "Are you quite finished pretending to feed?"
Heat rose unbidden to my face.
"I was distracted."
His laughter deepened, low and warm enough to send a shiver through me as his biceps remained full and tense under my watchful eyes. He sat back, his smirk returning in a way that could only be described as boastful.
"By what, I wonder?"
I opened my mouth to answer, only to find I possessed none. The smile upon his lips widened. Before I could fathom another thought, he was before me.
My back met the rough bark of a nearby tree, the force gentle only because it was Lucio. His body pressed close, surrounding me entirely, one arm braced beside my head while his mouth drifted to my throat.
"You wished to stare," he whispered, his lips brushing my skin. "Then stare."
His words alone nearly undid me.
My fingers found his hair instinctively, the strands soft beneath trembling hands as my head tipped back against the tree. I could feel his laughter against my throat. It was a terrible thing, how easily he unraveled me.
"Lucio..." I breathed.
He hummed softly in response, the sound vibrating through me in a way that seemed to still the entire world as he rutted his hips against my own. His hand trailed down from my neck to my waist, palm flattening low on my stomach, “Stay.”
“It would seem that I am incapable.”
“Hmm,” he teased with a slow lick from my collarbone to my ear, “I do believe you can.”
My thighs quivered under my own weight as I tried to steady myself against the tree.
Lucio enjoyed his ability to unnerve me, I could tell by the way he smiled against me, by the way his fingers dug into my skin, by the way he kept making these low, pleased sounds that blurred into my skin more than words. “Mmm. Is this where you desire my attention?” he asked, mouth still against me as he slid his hand around my cock.
I couldn’t gather the words, instead nodding against him.
His other hand squeezed roughly against my hip, “Words.”
“Yes.”
He kissed my throat, soft enough to be cruel, “Yes, what?”
I tried to glare down at him, but his fangs sank into my shoulder before I could form anything coherent, tongue dragging slow and flat, and the glare dissolved somewhere between pathetic and desperate, “Yes, there. That is where I desire your attention”
His eyes flicked up, “Good boy.”
My whole body clenched, and he felt it, “Oh?” his voice was rough now, a little wrecked around the edges, "You enjoy that?”
“Hush.”
He laughed against me, nearly causing my end from that alone.
“You're awfully mean,” he murmured, “For someone who was looking at me like he wanted me to bite them.”
“I did no such thing.”
“You did,” He shifted, letting go of my leaking cock. “You were perched there, not even pretending to partake of your meal with your eyes never straying from me, but your hardness straining against your trousers told me all I needed to know.”
My face burned hot, “Lucio.”
“What?” He kissed my neck open-mouthed, “You thought I would not notice?”
My fingers grabbed into his hair before tightening, “Please.”
That did something to him. His mouth stopped teasing at my neck as he drew away. His hands slid down to my trousers again as he guided them down my legs before growling at me to remove them.
Heat swirled through my abdomen as I listened to his command. I grabbed at his trousers, pulling until the buttons gave way. Revealing his hard cock, hot and heavy as it seemed to spring to life before me.
Reaching for him, I trailed my fingers up his leg until I wrapped one hand around his length, and cupped his balls with my other. The sound that tore out of him nearly sent me into a feral fit. I brought his leaking tip to my mouth as I licked up the underside of him, swirling my tongue around the head before taking him in my mouth completely.
I hollowed out my cheeks and sucked my way back up his shaft, all the while never taking my eyes away from his. The next lick was firmer but slower, more to savor him. He needed more though as his hands came to rest on the back of my head and directed me back down. I swallowed when he hit the back of my throat, and managed to bring my nose to his pubic bone. I fought hard against the gag in my throat as I rolled my eyes up to meet his.
This eye contact mixed with the second swallow must have really driven him to the brink of insanity as he grabbed my head and began to thrust into my mouth. I tried to keep my throat as relaxed as possible, but lost the battle within as my gag erupted. Lucio let out a growl that should have scared me, but instead had quite the opposite effect as he withdrew himself from my mouth.
My body drew in an unneeded breath that broke into a soft, useless sound, “Luc.”
“Mhm?”
“I desire more of you.”
He groaned as if the words hurt him. He hooked his arms underneath my thighs, hands grasping at the tree behind me as he lifted me up, pressing my back further into the tree. Slowly, he pushed himself between my legs as he held me pinned there with his hips.
His hands slid down to the backs of my knees as he pushed them up to rest against my chest with a devilish smirk on his lips. I was lost as to what he intended, but the look in his eyes had me intrigued.
“Do you trust me?” he murmured as he began lowering himself to kneel before me. My confusion worn very blatantly on my face as he looked upon me. “You’ll like it, I know you will,” he all but whispered as he continued to sink lower.
The unmistakable feeling of his lips, pressing soft and wet kisses down the back of my thigh registered before his tongue darted out to drag across my ass. My muscles seized of their own accord. The feeling was so foreign, but so good I wasn’t sure how to respond. Surely, Lucio wouldn’t dare.
But dare he did, “Relax for me Joshua, I need you to relax,” he said, with a smirk that was evident in his voice. I tried to relax as he moved his hands down to cup my ass cheeks, giving them a firm squeeze for good measure.
As he continued to massage the muscle there, I began to relax as well as I could pinned up against a tree. It wasn’t long before I felt his tongue brush against my hole, sending shockwaves throughout my body. The gasp and shudder that followed tore through me as if I had been shot.
The resounding pleasure of this foreign act buzzed through my cock and brain the same. A small gasp of air and moan came quickly after.
“Oh, you like that?” Lucio dared to ask as I tried to keep my mind from spiraling.
“Fuck,” was all I could manage to say as he licked at me again and again before pushing his tongue inside of me as he snaked his hand to my mouth. Swirling his pointer and middle finger against my tongue to gather as much spit as possible before withdrawing.
It felt like a flash but somehow an eternity before I felt his finger begin to stroke along my hole, rubbing soothing circles before applying a slight pressure. He licked at me once more before spitting directly on me, and pushing his index finger inside.
The stretch was glorious, and while it was something I was used to at this point, it still touched briefly on a pain that blossomed much deeper into a burning pleasure.
I looked down, searching for Lucio’s eyes. I had to bite my lip as I met his line of vision from the pleasure shining from those piercing blue eyes. He looked back down to his hand briefly, pulling out and pressing back in with two fingers slowly, causing my back to arch from the tree.
“Fuck.”
He smiled, but it was not smug this time, it was hungry. Eyes heavy lidded and blown out, like he had started this to tease me and ended up ruining himself instead. “Luc,” I whined, “I need more, I need all of you. Please?”
I could not stop the needy whimper as he slowly pulled his fingers out, and helped me plant my feet back on the ground. My fingers reached behind, grazing his cock as he bent me towards the tree.
As he straightened up, he stroked himself a few times before letting a trail of spit fall from his lips to coat himself. My hand intertwined with his against the tree as he pushed inside me. “Oh-,” He made another sound, almost a growl, and buried himself in me.
His hips worked savagely as he fucked into me, steady and deep, and I clung to his hand and the tree like it was the only thing keeping me anchored. My knees grew weaker with every thrust from him, until finally I couldn’t take it. I pushed back against him and forced us to stand as I pulled away from him.
He watched me with a look of uncertainty as I knelt to the ground, laying myself out in front of him. When the realization struck him as to what I was doing, he began to move with fervor, hooking my knees into his elbows as he knelt over me, “Couldn’t take it?” he questioned with that cocky grin again.
“No, I wanted to watch your face as you ruin me,” I snarked back, earning the red that flashed across his cheeks as I reached out to smooth my thumb along his jaw before trailing down to rest on his arm as he entered me again. His biceps flexed under my hand with every movement, hot and solid and so absurdly strong that my brain, already useless, managed only one thought.
Bite.
I did, bringing my mouth against the thick column of his neck, as my teeth sank in lightly because I could not help myself. Lucio froze. For half a second everything stopped, then he pulled back just enough to look at me.
His mouth was still covered with the faint traces of blood from his earlier feast. His eyes were dark enough to be dangerous, “did you just bite me?”
“Perhaps.”
He stared at me briefly, before he laughed, low and disbelieving. The sound made your stomach drop, “You are unbelievable.”
“You said I wanted to.”
“I was joking.”
“I wasn’t.”
Something changed in his face to pure lust and heat. His fingers gripped harder into my muscle as my mouth fell open, “You wanna bite?” he said, voice low, “Fine. Bite.”
“Luc-”
He brought his neck closer to my mouth and lowered his head again, “go on.” My thighs trembled against his arms as he thrust, “bite me while I make you come.” The sound that left me was embarrassing. Lucio hummed as if he liked it and thrust again.
I bit him again, harder this time.
His groan vibrated straight through my body, “Oh my god.” I snaked my hand down to my leaking cock. Lucio noticed, looking down to watch. As I began to stroke myself he pursed his lips and made a show of spitting on me.
“Mm?” he hummed, still working his hips, “that good?”
“Yes.”
“Yeah?”
“Fu- Lucio.”
One hand still locked on his arm, mouth pressed to his throat, teeth scraping every time he hit that place inside me that made the world tilt. He kept his pace brutal and perfect, until my hips started to buck.
I was babbling now. No words, just little sounds and broken incoherent pieces.
“Luc- yes- there, there, please-”
He pulled back and looked at me, “For me?”
I nodded frantically, but his hips stopped as I nearly sobbed.
“Say it.”
I opened my eyes, as frustrated tears began to well, “For you.”
His face softened for one second, just one. Then his hips began moving again, and I was gone.
My orgasm hit hard, messy ropes of thick cum shooting up my belly and chest, thighs clenching against his arms, teeth scraping his throat as I came with a muffled cry against his skin. Lucio held me through it, arms locked behind my thighs, hips still moving in slow strokes as he rutted against me, chasing his own release. I worked my mouth along his throat, sinking my teeth into his throat one more time as he buried himself inside of me and cried out to the heavens.
Lucio gently helped me straighten my legs out before he crawled up my body like he had all the time in the world. Hair wrecked from my fingers, and faint marks blooming on his throat where my teeth had been.
I had long since ceased understanding what existed between us.
Perhaps it had begun as gratitude. Perhaps necessity. In those early days after my human death, when grief had hollowed me from the inside out, he had been my guide, my protector, my sole tether to a world that no longer felt real. Somewhere amid those endless nights, that dependence had transformed into something infinitely more dangerous.
His forehead rested briefly against mine, "You look at me," he murmured softly, amusement lingering in his voice, "as though I am something extraordinary."
I let out a quiet, incredulous laugh, "Because you are." The words escaped before I could stop them. Lucio stilled, even the forest seemed to hold its breath.
When his eyes lifted to mine once more, something within them had changed. The teasing warmth remained, but beneath it lay something deeper, older, and infinitely more vulnerable.
For a fleeting moment, he looked almost human. His fingers rose slowly, brushing a strand of hair from my face.
"Joshua..."
The way he spoke my name was unbearably gentle. I felt suddenly exposed beneath his gaze, as though he could see every fractured piece of me. Every grief, every fear, every desperate, impossible longing I had tried so hard to bury.
I swallowed, "I know I should not..." My voice faltered. "But when I look at you, I do not feel quite so alone."
The confession settled heavily between us. Lucio's expression softened entirely. A sadness touched his features then, subtle and fleeting. "You have never been alone."
I closed my eyes. How cruel that simple kindness could hurt more than any wound. When I opened them again, he was still there, watching me with an expression I could not entirely name. His hand rose to cradle my face. I leaned into it before I could stop myself. A faint smile touched his lips.
"There you are," he whispered. The words stirred something fragile within me. For so long I had felt as though half my soul had been buried with Jacob, as though I had become little more than a shadow wearing the shape of a man.
Yet laying there beneath the moonlight, with Lucio's hand against my cheek and the quiet murmur of the forest surrounding us, I felt strangely seen. The silence between us became something warm.
My fingers tightened slightly in his hair, Lucio exhaled softly. Neither of us moved. Neither of us seemed willing to break whatever fragile thing had formed between us. At last, his forehead came to rest against mine once more.
"I think," he said quietly, "that perhaps we are both ruined."
A laugh escaped me then, soft and trembling, "Only perhaps?"
His own laughter followed, low and rich. The sound wrapped around me like warmth. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, I found myself smiling. Truly smiling.
The forest remained silent around us, moonlight filtered through the branches overhead. More than anything, we chose one another, over and over again. Our bond deepened with each passing year, until it felt older than stone.
But time does not pause, even for us. The world shifted around our eternal youth. Villages became towns, towns became cities, wild countrysides turned to settled land. The world became louder, fuller, and somehow lonelier.
We witnessed strife after strife. World War I, the Russian Civil War, the Irish War of Independence, then the second great war. After that came the Cold War, Korea, Vietnam, the Balkan conflicts. Violence threaded itself through the century like a spine. By the year 2000, little had changed, just new flags waving above the same grief.
It weighed on me. I began to believe that if the world could simply learn to love—truly love, freely and without hesitation it might be unrecognizable. In another life, I might have led a revolution for love and tenderness. Lucio agreed the world needed more love, more softness, but it was still not safe for us to stand in the public eye as we were, but not just because we were vampires either.
This world was so fucked that being vampires seemed less fear inducing than our sexual preferences. No matter how many lifetimes we shared, I feared the day might never come when love was simply love. Without labels, without permission, without consequence. Just love in its purest, truest form. The kind we held between us.
Sal had reached out to Lucio a handful of times over the past century, though his messages were always brief. He never said much about himself, only wanted to ensure we were still here, but something shifted. He called six times over the past few days while Lucio and I were still tangled in each other, lost in pleasure and quiet laughter. Lucio kept promising he would return the call once we were finished.
The phone rang again while we were still wrapped in the warm haze of afterglow. “Someone really needs to work on their timing,” I teased as Lucio stood, stretching, and crossed the room to answer.
I couldn’t hear Sal’s words, but I watched the storm move across Lucio’s face. Annoyance morphed to anger, confusion, melting into frustration, until it settled into something that looked like old resentment. He closed his eyes, exhaling sharply.
“Sal, there is no fucking way—” he began, and whatever came back through the receiver silenced him. His jaw tightened as he swallowed his fury.
“Fine,” he said eventually, clipped and controlled. “I’ll handle it.”
He hung up.
Lucio turned back to me, a smile gentler than his eyes.
“Pack a bag, Sunshine. We’re going to the States.”
There was a flicker of something in his eyes that made his smile feel forced, and for the first time in our time together, I felt there was more he wasn’t saying. Something heavy and inevitable. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear it, or if he was ready to speak it.
But I didn’t question him. I gathered my things. Whatever awaited us, whatever storm was waking on the horizon, I knew one thing with absolute certainty that Lucio was with me.
And he would protect me, in every way that mattered.
The drive to Zürich passed in relative silence. Lucio and I had long since grown accustomed to existing in the quiet spaces between words. After over a hundred years together there was very little need to constantly fill the air with conversation.
Still, something felt different. The further we traveled, the more distant Lucio became. He kept glancing at me when he thought I wasn't looking. The first few times I ignored it, but by the time we boarded the flight to New York, I could no longer pretend not to notice.
The city lights of Zürich glittered beneath us as the plane climbed into the darkness. Lucio sat beside me with a drink untouched in his hand, that alone was strange. Normally he would have consumed half the cabin's alcohol supply simply because it amused him to watch flight attendants struggle to keep up with him.
Tonight he barely moved. I watched the reflection of his face in the window. His jaw was tight and his brows drawn together. Something was wrong. "What are you thinking about?"
Lucio blinked, "Hm?"
I smiled, "You've been staring into space for three hours."
A weak laugh escaped him, ‘Have I?"
His eyes found mine and the moment they did, my stomach tightened. There was guilt there, shadowed by fear. Something I had never seen directed toward me.
"What did Sal want?" The question hung between us. Lucio looked away first, "Trouble."
I snorted, "That could mean literally anything."
His smile appeared briefly and then vanished, "You're not wrong."
I continued watching him, waiting, hoping he might elaborate but he didn't. Instead he reached across the space between us and squeezed my knee. The gesture was familiar and comforting, yet somehow it felt more like reassurance for himself than for me.
The remainder of the flight passed in fragments, a movie neither of us watched, drinks neither of us touched. Hours spent drifting through darkness while Lucio sat beside me carrying something so heavy it seemed to bend his shoulders.
By the time we landed in New York, I was beginning to suspect Sal's mysterious emergency involved Narin. Nothing else explained the tension radiating from him. The train station was crowded. Humans rushed past in every direction carrying luggage, coffee, exhaustion and purpose. The smell of them was overwhelming.
Lucio placed a hand against the small of my back as we navigated through the crowd. A simple gesture, both protective and possessive. Yet his touch lingered longer than usual, as though he needed the reminder that I was still there.
By the time we boarded the train south toward Tennessee, my patience had worn thin. The train lurched forward, as more time passed.
Then more.
Finally I snapped, "Enough." Lucio looked up from the book he hadn't turned a page in for nearly half an hour. "Enough?" he asked.
"You're hiding something," I sighed, only to be met with more silence. I leaned forward, "You have been hiding something since that phone call."
His expression immediately hardened into what people wore before delivering terrible news. My chest tightened, "Narin?"
"No," He shook his head.
"Then what?" The train rattled beneath us as Lucio stared at me for so long that I began to regret asking. Then he smiled, small and sad but still just as beautiful and completely heartbreaking. "I was trying to figure out how to tell you."
Every instinct in my body immediately went on alert and fear curled around my ribs, "What?"
Lucio lowered his gaze and for the first time in over a century he looked afraid. Not afraid for himself, but afraid for me and somehow that was infinitely worse.
I kept my eyes locked on him, and when he finally looked me in my eyes I whispered, "Enough avoiding whatever this is." For a moment neither of us spoke as the train rattled softly beneath us. His eyes drifted back toward the window. My frustration flared immediately, "Luc."
His shoulders sagged and the movement alone filled me with dread. Slowly he turned back toward me. "I never wanted to lie to you," he said just loud enough for me to hear. My stomach dropped. The words struck me so unexpectedly that for a moment I simply stared at him.
"What?"
Pain flashed across his features. The kind of pain I had only seen a handful of times over the last century. "I never wanted to lie to you, Joshua." The use of my full name only made it worse. My throat tightened as I took a steadying breath, "What are you talking about?"
Lucio swallowed hard as I watched his movement full of hesitation. Whatever he was about to say had haunted him for a very long time. "If I tell you this," he began quietly, "there is no taking it back."
Fear clawed its way up my spine as I took my time to say "Then tell me." His eyes closed briefly and when they opened again they looked devastated.
"Jacob is among the living."
Everything inside me stopped, my brain felt dead as the sounds of the train rattling across the tracks and world around me muffled into nothing. I stared at him, waiting for him to explain or laugh or tell me I misunderstood. Instead he only looked at me with heartbreak written across every inch of his face.
"You knew?" I whispered.
His jaw flexed. "Joshua—"
"You knew?"
The words came out louder this time. My hands trembled and my chest burned. A century. A century of grief and mourning. A century of believing I was alone.
"You knew."
The tears gathering in Lucio's eyes stole some of the anger from me before it could fully take hold because Lucio was not a man who cried, not ever. And yet he looked as though my words had carved directly into his chest.
"I let you live."
The anger vanished completely as confusion took its place, "What?" I questioned, unsure of what he could have meant by that. Lucio leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees, "I begged Sal to let me take you."
I stared at him completely speechless.
"I don't know why," a weak laugh escaped him. "I saw you and suddenly nothing else mattered." His eyes searched mine desperately. "Sal told me Narin believed you were dead." The pieces began slowly falling into place.
"If she found out otherwise..." I whispered as my eyes searched his face for a trace of anything other than the truth.
"She would have finished it."
The silence that filled the air between us felt so loud and stifling. The train continued moving forward and the world continued turning, yet I felt frozen. My mind was racing over everything I thought I knew of the last century, "You should have told me."
Lucio visibly flinched at that, his reaction immediate. It appeared visibly painful for him to admit, "I know."
"You should have told me,” my voice cracked, "Jake thought I was dead."
The tears finally spilled from Lucio's eyes, "I know."
"He was alone," the anger and hurt slipping into my tone.
"I know."
Every word felt like a knife cutting through my brain and flesh. "He thought he lost me.”
Lucio bowed his head, "And you thought you lost him." The grief in his voice shattered what remained of my anger. Because Lucio had carried this too. Every day, every year, for a century. Knowing what I did not. "I told myself it would only be temporary," his voice trembled. "A year,” he laughed bitterly. "Then five." I couldn't look away. "Then ten,” more tears fell. "I kept waiting for it to be safe."
His eyes met mine, "And I fell in love with you." The confession hit harder than everything else because of how broken he sounded. "I fell in love with you and every year it became harder," he looked away, ashamed. "As selfish as it sounds, I became terrified."
My heart twisted painfully, "Terrified of what?"
His answer came immediately, "Losing you." The honesty nearly broke me, "You would have gone looking for him." He wasn't asking because he already knew and so did I.
The truth sat between us, ugly and undeniable. I would have crossed oceans, and burned down kingdoms. I would have searched every corner of the earth until I found Jake.
"I am sorry for the pain I caused you,” his voice shook. "But Joshua," he said as those icy blue eyes met mine. Filled with love, fear, and a century of guilt. "I am not sorry that you survived." A sob caught in my throat and Lucio reached for my hand carefully as though afraid I might pull away.
I didn't, because despite everything… I understood and somehow that hurt even more.
Outside the window, the Smoky Mountains began to appear on the horizon. Dark blue silhouettes against the fading evening light.
Lucio followed my gaze and his expression softened. Then he reached across the table and covered my hand with his, "Whatever happens next, Sunshine..." His voice was quiet, "I need you to remember one thing."
I swallowed as I searched his face, "What?"
Those icy blue eyes met mine filled with a hundred plus years of devotion, love, and promises. "I never stopped trying."
Confusion swept through me. Trying for what? Before I could ask, the train rounded a bend and the mountains rose larger in the distance.
And for the first time since receiving Sal's call, Lucio looked absolutely terrified.
The remainder of the train ride passed in silence, but not because there was nothing left to say. Quite the opposite, there was too much. Too much grief and anger, too many years between what I had believed and what I now knew.
Jacob was alive. The words continued circling through my thoughts until they lost all meaning.
Alive.
Alive.
Alive.
Well, as alive as a vampire could be.
Over a century.
Over a hundred years spent mourning someone who had never truly left this world. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh, scream, or collapse beneath the weight of it. Lucio remained beside me through all of it. His hand never left mine, not once.
When the train finally slowed into the station, I felt as though I were walking through a dream, or perhaps a nightmare. I had not yet decided which. Sal was waiting for us. I recognized him immediately from the few occasions he had crossed paths with Lucio throughout the years.
His expression shifted the moment he saw me. Guilt, heavy and undeniable. I stepped around Lucio before either of them could speak.
For a moment I simply stared at him. More than one hundred years he had known, he had watched both of us grieve, "You knew."
Sal sighed, "Joshua."
"You knew,” the words cracked as they left me. Pain flashed across his features, "Yes." That single syllable somehow hurt more than any excuse could have. I looked away before my anger could consume me entirely because if I looked at him any longer I wasn't sure what I might say or do.
Thankfully, someone else chose that moment to step forward. A woman with dark hair and warm eyes. A human-very human, and staring at me as though she'd seen a ghost. I frowned looking at her and she blinked before she smiled and looked away.
Then immediately started staring again. The cycle repeated itself several times before I finally sighed, "Do I have something on my face?"
The question startled a laugh from her. A real, genuine one, "No."
"Then why do you keep looking at me like that?"
Her smile widened, "I don't mean to."
"That sounds suspiciously intentional,” I said, causing Lucio to snort beside me.
The woman laughed again, the sound bright and comforting. Familiar in a way I couldn't explain. "I'm sorry," she said. "It's just..." she stopped and studied me again.
And there it was, that look. The one she kept giving me, like she was searching for someone or remembering someone, "You remind me of somebody."
My stomach tightened immediately. Jake. It had to be. The thought alone sent a fresh ache through my chest, "I've been told."
Her expression softened as a sadness settled behind her smile, "I imagine you have."
Something in her voice made me look at her properly, really look at the way she carried herself, the kindness in her eyes, the warmth that seemed to radiate from her. The kind of warmth that made people feel safe and the realization struck me unexpectedly that Jake would adore her. The certainty of it nearly stole my breath.
Whoever she was, whatever her relationship to my brother happened to be, I suddenly understood because she was exactly the sort of person Jacob would love.
"You're Joshua."
I blinked, "Last I checked."
A laugh escaped her and even her laugh felt familiar somehow, "I'm Ms. Wonder."
The name caught me off guard, one brow lifting, "Ms. Wonder?"
"Long story," she smiled.
"Clearly." I snorted.
For the first time since Lucio's confession, I felt something close to amusement. It surprised me and apparently it surprised Lucio too. The small smile he offered from beside me was painfully relieved as though hearing me laugh had returned something to him.
We piled into the vehicle soon after. Sal drove and Lucio sat beside him. Which left me trapped in the backseat with Ms. Wonder. Not that she seemed to mind. If anything, she appeared delighted by the arrangement.
The mountains rolled past outside as we drove deeper into Tennessee. Conversation came easily, unexpectedly easily. By the end of an hour it felt less like speaking to a stranger and more like speaking to someone I'd known for years.
Then I laughed at something she said and she immediately covered her mouth, "Oh no."
I frowned, "What?"
Her eyes widened, "You even laugh like him."
The vehicle fell silent. My chest tightened and Lucio's shoulders immediately stiffened. Sal muttered something beneath his breath. But Ms. Wonder simply stared looking increasingly emotional.
"He does that too."
I swallowed and scrunched my nose, "Does what?"
"The little nose scrunch," She pointed immediately, "That."
Lucio barked out a laugh in the moment, traitor I thought as heat rose to my face. Ms. Wonder looked moments away from tears, which only confused me further, "Why are you crying?"
She laughed, then cried harder and laughed again, "I don't know."
The answer was entirely unhelpful.
I glanced toward Lucio and he looked equally helpless.
"He talks about you,” the words were soft and quiet.
I froze, "What?"
Her smile immediately returned, gentler this time, "He always talks about you." The world felt like it narrowed. "He talks about your studies of film, and how good you would be now,” a laugh escaped her. "The trouble you got into as children,” followed by another laugh.
"The time you nearly broke your arm jumping from a tree because you were convinced you could fly."
I groaned, "Oh god."
Her eyes widened, "That happened?"
"Unfortunately."
Sal laughed, Lucio laughed and somehow so did I, a real laugh. One that felt strange after everything.
"He never stopped talking about you."
The smile slowly slipped from my face as emotion lodged itself painfully in my throat. For a moment I couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, couldn't think because somewhere out there Jacob had been talking about me all this time.
The thought alone nearly shattered me.
"What is he like?" The question escaped before I could stop it.
Ms. Wonder's entire expression softened into one of love, pure and unmistakable. The kind of love that changes people. "He cares too much."
A watery laugh escaped me because that sounded familiar.
"He believes everyone deserves a second chance."
Another nod.
"He carries the weight of the world around like it's somehow his responsibility."
I closed my eyes. God, that sounded exactly like him.
Ms. Wonder smiled sadly, "That's why meeting you is so strange."
I frowned, "What do you mean?"
She looked directly at me and for the first time since we'd met, I saw complete understanding settle across her face. "It's like meeting another Jake."
Silence followed. Outside, the trees began to thin.
A rooftop of a cabin came into view in the distance. Sal pulled the car over along the road and parked so we could slip quietly up to the cabin without being noticed. The woods should have been quiet and peaceful at this time of night, only it wasn't quiet.
Shouting echoed through the woods. Anger, violence and chaos rang loudly through the woods. The moment the vehicle stopped, Sal was out the door, Lucio moved just as quickly. I barely had time to process what was happening before Ms. Wonder grabbed my wrist as though we'd known one another forever. "Come on."
I followed Ms. Wonder as the sounds of fighting grew louder with every step. Then I saw her.
Narin.
For a moment the world disappeared. The rage that surged through me was immediate and overwhelming, but before she could move, Lucio stepped forward. His eyes flashed, and Narin froze completely. Locked in place, unable to move so much as a finger.
Sal moved toward the center of the clearing shouting for everyone to stop. The fighting slowly died away. One by one, heads turned toward Sal, then toward Lucio. Ms. Wonder's grip tightened around my wrist as she pulled me with her stepping forward out into the clearing.
That was when he turned to face us. If my heart still had a beat it would have stopped, and the world felt like it tipped on its axis. For the first time in over a hundred years I saw my brother Jake, standing before my own eyes. His shocked laughter took me by surprise, as tears filled my eyes as Lucio’s soft words danced in my ears “I found a way, Sunshine.”
.
.
.
AN: I had wanted to visit Josh’s life for sometime in this AU that @writingcold and myself dreamed up, and finally found the time to get it done when life wasn’t too busy. I also owe her a huge thank you for looking over this for me, and helping me when I needed it. Seriously, thank you P, for all of your advice, time, cheerleading and more importantly your friendship. Life wouldn’t be the same without you!! And anyone else, if you took the time to read this story, thank you from the bottom of my heart! 💜
I am including the tag list from the original story -
I've been waiting for this for so long and this is all I wanted and more!
A transition from a polite early 20th century gentleman to that feral sprite? Priceless!
The smut scene? DELICIOUS!
I love how Lucio treats him as an equal even though we know from the original story that, objectively, they're not. It's in stark contrast to Narin's character and I love it.
Joshua's thoughts on the state of the world just add more depth to the whole story.
The line "he talks about you" ruined me.
And of course, absolutely beautifully written.
Summary: Having Josh for a friend is a gift. Having Josh for a friend while also being a gifted photographer could be a curse because the man just has no shame...
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.
Warnings (are spoilers): voyeurism and exhibicionism, erotic photography, bedroom photosession, alcohol consumption, seduction, playful deceit, kissing, licking, threesome, sex, oral sex (both f and m receiving), anal sex (not explicit), very light dom play, polyamory
“No!”
Well, that resonated. I could tell by Josh’s wide eyes and his parted lips, frozen in mid-sentence that I hadn’t allowed him to finish. He swallowed hard to wash down the words that got involuntarily stuck in his throat and was about to try again…
“Just NO!”
What a cute, powerful word. So seemingly straightforward in its basic meaning, yet you can always add more facets to it with just the right tone and delivery. It can be a disinterested no, or an open question full of wonder. Combine it with just the right amount of agitation in your voice and it lands with the urgency of a whiplash. That’s what I did, without really thinking. I actually surprised myself. It came out harsher than I really wanted and the lady at the nearest table on my right immediately gave me a grossed out look. Like I cared. He deserved it.
I stared back at Josh with pretty much justified indignation during the brief silence that followed, and to my astonishment, it did have an actual effect on him this time. As it should! My rather abrupt and very definite reply wiped that crooked smile off his face and he went from a cocky bastard to a wounded puppy within a few seconds. No more playful pouts, no feisty smirks.
Sadly, no hints that he had been joking either… which only made it worse. “Yeah, I feared you’d say that,” he sighed and carefully put his glass down, suddenly finding the place mat in front of him extremely interesting.
So interesting it made his cheeks burn.
Consequently, it made my own face heat up as well. So, he had been serious? And asking me such a thing in public, no less! Anyone could hear him.
Well, at least he looked like he seemed to realize how impudent his request was. But still…
I opened my mouth, and then closed it with a huff, before I took a deep grounding breath and finally blurted out: “Feared? You should have expected that! Have you lost your mind?” A few more people sitting at the nearest tables turned their heads and I immediately cursed myself for my own lack of decorum. Josh just bit his lip and visibly shrunk, which made him look like a very tiny tomato.
Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for, because I still expected him to wave his hand and say something like ‘yeah, gotcha’, followed by his signature giggle. I’d take anything that would assure me that he in fact had not been serious. Then the two of us could just laugh it off as a joke that uncustomarily didn’t land. It would still feel slightly awkward, but at least we could go back to the previously abandoned topic and everything would be well.
But Josh remained silent. He also refused to meet my gaze. Those two phenomenons were pretty rare and unusual even when they happened separately; their mutual occurrence felt almost like a cosmic rupture. Knowing him, it had only one explanation. So, not only he had thought it would be a good idea to ask me such a thing, but also…
“Josh… please… tell me you didn’t actually think I would agree to that! That’s insane.”
It started as a purely professional relationship, and it certainly was my intention to keep it that way, because I consider myself a professional. Duh. Josh loves having his pictures taken and I dare say I was rather good at it. We clicked. I understood what he wanted, and I delivered. Simple.
However, befriending him is extremely easy… or so I thought. It was a trap, actually. It’s only easy when he decides, which in retrospect should make me feel very flattered. And it does.
To clarify – Josh is in general a very outgoing person, which already fooled many poor, naive souls into believing it meant anything more than just pretty much nothing, because while he tries to be friendly with everyone, he chooses his people carefully. Only the ones who really “get” him can get really near. I know it now; I was unaware back then.
As I kept my professional distance, it was all just casual banter to me. A wise choice on my part, based on years of experience. Josh treated us all the same, always greeting us with his radiant smile. It didn’t really matter if it was me, Liz the makeup artist, or my technical assistant Mark.
Over time, I saw how people who mistook his joviality for real friendship received a proverbial slap in the face the moment they crossed a line they had failed to see. Poor Mark was one of them. Bless his soul.
I also saw others being lured into his trap without even realizing it, but not before it somehow happened to me once Josh started encouraging me to keep making unwise choices. Again, very flattered. When Josh decides you’re allowed to love him, you really have no other option but to accept that offer, whether you like it or not… but I can guarantee you’d like it.
I remember when Josh saw the pictures I had just taken displayed on my laptop screen for the very first time and his face visibly lightened, though with a tinge of cute timidness and wonder. After hours of strutting around the studio like a peacock, he suddenly looked very small and almost bashful, giving me rather mixed signals, to be honest.
“Is it bad?” I asked with an apprehensive smile. I knew those pictures were good, but I had learned over time that those things are almost always subjective and sometimes my eyes see different things than what my clients want or expect me to see. They tell me what they want, and they think they’re in full control, but I am the one who controls the shutter, and that can be merciless. Not everyone likes what it reveals sometimes. And Josh definitely seemed a bit surprised.
“No, it’s… it’s absolutely perfect. Very… candid… in a way.”
That was it for the time being. Apart from telling me what I already knew, I had to wait a bit longer for him to elaborate on why exactly he thought the result was perfect. However, that doesn’t really matter because I think that was the moment when something shifted between us. I could hear it… or rather I could feel it, because Josh’s voice makes you feel things. I never understood how easily he manages to modulate it so that it sounds pretty much thunderous one moment, and then soft and balmy the next second. But it does, and it always has a direct effect on those who listen.
I walked right into that trap. It took only three sessions for our initially casual and politely impersonal conversations to get more… well, personal.
The strangest thing is that it didn’t feel wrong at all. Not for a second. We got there quite naturally, or maybe I should say he got us there quite effortlessly with me in a passenger seat, and it so happened that the third photoshoot ended with him getting me awfully drunk. In my favorite bar, no less. After he somehow made me suggest the place.
Josh still had gemstones on his cheeks when we got there, flashing his extravagant looks with dignity despite a few stares. It fascinated me. I wasn’t oblivious to the controversial reception of his band, or him as a public figure. I had come across some nasty shit firsthand when I had posted a few pictures on my Instagram just a few days prior, and the nastiness of some of the comments genuinely appalled me. Especially since I got to know him as a person.
“I admire you,” I blurted out after finishing my third drink. I was already a bit tipsy, but still not drunk enough to miss the subtle changes in his expression when I said that. At first, a spark in his eye that matched the barlights reflected in those gemstones, like a tiny tear you can still blink away if you want to. It lasted maybe just a split of a second, but that flash of pure joy didn’t go unnoticed, before it was replaced by yet another toothy grin. Just as flashing, but a just bit less sincere, as if he was still not completely sure whether to trust me. That didn’t go unnoticed either.
“I hear that quite often,” he practically screeched, using his shrill, theatrical shield-voice reserved for moments when he feels the need to hide his soft side. For a moment, I thought I overstepped and was about to get Marked for ruining the moment with an ingratiating flattery.
But I meant it, and not really in a way he probably thought, so I continued: “I’m serious, Josh. I admire your ability to put up with the people who do the very opposite. And some of them are quite loud about it. And yet you just continue being yourself. Turning the other cheek and shit. I couldn’t do that.”
The smile vanished, although his eyes continued to sparkle. Josh pursed his lips and let out a snort that could be easily interpreted as both amusement and annoyance. I think he couldn’t really decide. “Well, maybe I deserve it. I don’t know,” he said rather matter-of-factly before he took another sip.
“Bullshit. You know you don’t.” I could see he cared. It wasn’t like he didn’t give a shit about those haters, which made the fact that he didn’t let them stop him even more admirable. “I just love how you don’t let it get under your skin too much. Every time I see a negative comment about my pictures, I feel crushed. I wish I could be more like you, instead of giving them what they want.”
“Well…,” Josh took a deep breath and put a hand on my shoulder. He had done that before. In fact, he does that pretty often, always being so touchy feely when talking to people. Josh uses touch as punctuation. It’s one of the reasons why he’s such a trickster.
This was new, though. Different. It felt like a question mark. His hand slid gently down my upper arm in an almost intimate manner. If it was anyone else, I’d flinch. Instead, I waited with a baited breath for him to continue. “It used to worry me a lot, I won’t lie. But you gotta learn how to deal with it if you wanna survive.”
“Ok, but how?”
“It’s pretty simple, actually. You have to… to acknowledge what’s letting you down, and then just let it gooo.” To accentuate his point, he thrust his right arms to the side, barely missing the man who was just passing by our spot at the bar. “Oh, sorry, sorry.”
To be honest, it sounded like some cheap guru advice, but thankfully Josh wasn’t offended when I told him. Instead, he just urged me to try it.
That night, Josh charmed me into telling him things I hadn’t confided in my own sister, and even though I woke up with a terrible hangover afterwards, I felt significantly lighter emotionally.
It was the beginning of a friendship that I truly cherish.
But let me make one thing perfectly clear. When I say friendship, I really mean it. Josh is very attractive in his own unconventional and quirky way, and I must admit that he invaded the sacred space of my fantasies more than a few times.
However, he’s got Gabe. And that’s really all I needed to know.
Entering Josh’s world meant I had to befriend Gabe as well. And I really didn’t mind. What girl wouldn’t want to have a fashion stylist as a friend, right?
No, really, I genuinely like the guy. He’s just as cute, though in a slightly different way than Josh. Gabriel possesses this effortless, gracious charm that never makes you wonder whether he’s aware of his good looks. It’s obvious he is. Where Josh sometimes hides his insecurities behind goofiness, Gabriel stands tall and calm, with his hands in his pockets and his eyes always ready to wink at you instead of wasting unnecessary words. I suppose that’s pretty easy when you’re endowed with dark wavy hair, porcelain skin and a well-defined jawline. Straight brows and a greek nose only add to his inherently calm facial features, and his glasses are just a cherry on top. Like a pinch of sophistication.
Together, they’re like a cherub and a seraph. Mr. Feisty and Dr. Suave. And – what’s most important – they’re really head over heels for each other. One loves fervently, while the other responds with sensual calmness. It’s very entertaining to watch.
Which brings me back to Josh’s indecent request.
Josh never answered my question, which basically meant that – yes, he really did think that I might eventually agree to take photos of the two of them making love.
I remember that just the idea made my heart beat like crazy. And yes, I immediately imagined that scene in my head. I’m only human. And so are they. Two very pretty specimens.
What started as one of many of our casual weekday dinners turned to something I wasn’t ready for. The atmosphere between us got tense, and I hated it. The subsequent silence was gnawing at me and I could see Josh felt the same. Abandoning the subject entirely would probably only make things worse. Getting up and leaving him there alone was out of the question entirely, simply because I really didn’t want to do that. I would never do that. Just the simple fact that he asked me to do such a thing meant he trusted me with his life. Literally. I could ruin it very easily with one click if I ever was in possession of such photos.
So I refilled our glasses – a simple gesture meant to assure him that I wasn’t really mad at him – and then I took another deep breath. “Whose idea was that?”
Josh looked up, surprised by the sudden question, but I could see relief in his eyes as well. “Well…” He flushed again. As if trying to mask it, he reached for his glass of wine and took another sip, but the wine went down the wrong pipe, making him cough. A few droplets of the crimson liquid trickled onto his lower lip and I couldn’t help but admire how sensuous he managed to look even in such an awkward situation. “Well… it’s…,” he tried again in between coughs.
I already knew the answer. “Josh, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. I hope you know what.” As I said, I really liked Gabriel, but that man was a dark horse, ready to strike or to make a grand entrance when you least expected it. Including relationships. Sometimes it was for the best, because he encouraged Josh to step out of his comfort zone more than once and with results that were almost always beneficial for both, careerwise or in bed. Or so I’ve heard.
But there were a few times, maybe just once or twice, when I had been wondering whether his true intentions hadn’t been a bit egocentric. Or maybe even insidious in the long run…
“No…,” Josh suddenly interrupted my train of thoughts. “The truth is that… the… that I’ve wanted to d… to try something like that. I just felt like I… no, I mean, I knew I couldn’t. Trust’n’shit, ya know?”
Yeah, I knew. And once again, I was deeply flattered he had decided to trust me with such a thing. Still worried, though. It probably showed on my face.
“You don’t believe me.”
“No, I do, I just… I’m just wondering what makes you think that now you can.”
It sounded exactly the way I didn’t want it to. The conversation suddenly shifted from my reluctance to do it to something completely different. A dangerous territory. I knew he knew who I meant when I questioned his sudden trust in the people involved. No wonder I cringed when Josh cleared his throat in disapproval.
“Listen… yes, it was initially Gabriel’s idea, but I’m not a fucking child and I dare say I know him better than you!”
It was the night of throwing daggers, apparently. The lady sitting at the nearest table on my right clicked her tongue, making me roll my eyes in annoyance. “Stop listening then!” I snapped back at her, ignoring the fact that we were in fact the loud ones. Josh laughed. He always did. Presumptuous little bastard. I couldn’t help but join in, grateful that it cleared the lingering tension between us at last. I also apologized. And then I once again assured him that I really wasn’t going to do that for them.
Or was I.
One thing that Josh and Gabriel have in common is that they just can’t drop the subject. At least not until they get what they want. They asked me again a week later. And then again. Eventually, they altered the strategy, making me believe that I won, only to strike with renewed forces.
It was a small dinner party at Sam’s house. We had a nice meal, a few… or more than a few drinks, and then some music was played. Just the usual shit.
The guys looked dazzling that evening. A bit overdressed for the occasion, but that was nothing unusual with the two of them, so no one batted an eye. “That’s a really cool jacket,” I giggled, admiring Josh’s newest addition to his wardrobe when the three of us went to the kitchen to refill our glasses. I ran my fingers down the rhinestoned ornament on his sleeve. Gabriel’s shirt decently sported a very similar one, though he always preferred just embroidery. “And I love how you too match, without it being over the top.”
“Oh yeah?” I noticed the fleeting look and the wink shared between them, but I paid it no mind. Not only because they both liked flattery so that was nothing unusual, but also because Josh’s hand between my shoulder blades was rather distracting in a way I would never openly admit. “Let’s take a picture then. I wanna send it to mom. She loves matching outfits.”
Again, nothing unusual. I took pictures at their parties pretty often. Sometimes it was just for me. Memories of precious days I wanted to keep.
“OK, strike a pose, you bastards!” I giggled again, already fumbling with my phone. They quickly wrapped their arms around each other and Josh grinned into the camera in his usual unserious way, but there was something in Gabe’s eyes and his soft smile that made me linger. As if the time suddenly slowed down. It was exactly what he wanted, and as I waited for the best moment to capture, he turned towards Josh, grabbed him by the jaw and kissed him with passion.
I gasped. It was a sight previously unseen. I had witnessed a few fleeting kisses before, I had seen them cuddling on the couch or stroking each other’s arms in passing, but never anything so heated.
They didn’t stop. They made me watch. Josh mirrored Gabriel’s movements when he ran fingers through the raven locks with eagerness and urgency that normally belonged behind their closed doors, and Gabriel hummed in appreciation. I realized I was holding my breath. The surrounding sounds of the living house around us dulled down, and all I could focus on through my sudden tunnel vision were their tongues playing together in a slow, sensual motion. It was at that moment when I realized they had deliberately orchestrated this to make me feel things. And it did. Just when I thought that it couldn’t get any worse, Josh moaned into Gabriel’s open mouth. I bit my lip, unsure whether to say something or just run away from the room and the situation I didn’t ask to be part of.
It was my unconscious choice to remain rooted on the spot, painfully aware of my panties getting wetter and wetter with each passing second. And just when Gabriel’s hand started moving downward towards the growing bulge between Josh’s legs, the embarrassment became unbearable. “Ok, STOP!” I suddenly bursted out. “What the fuck is this about?”
That was rhetorical. I knew exactly what the whole thing was about. My answer was still a no.
Those fuckers took their time, unlocking their lips with delighted smiles as if I wasn’t even there, and obviously enjoying those theatrics as much as I tried not to. “Ehrrm, so,” Josh cleared his throat when he finally dared to meet my eyes. “Did you catch that?”
“The fuck I did,” I hissed through clenched teeth and angrily threw the phone on the counter table behind me. “Why the fuck did you do that?”
“We do that all the time, baby,” Gabe chimed in and shrugged his shoulders with feigned innocence. He desperately tried to keep his poker face, but the corners of his mouth kept twitching. So did the vein on my temple. “It looks really good, doesn’t it? I mean, we. Doing… you know… I wish I had it printed on my w…”
“Fuck you!” I blurted out, pointing my finger at him menacingly before I jabbed Josh in the chest with it. “And fuck you, too!”
“Oh no, Darling, we want you to just…” But I was already storming out the door, while waving my middle finger at them.
If you already think that I couldn’t stay mad at them for long, you’re absolutely right. And if you wanna ask whether they tried again – yes, they did. And the reason why I’m telling this story in the first place should also be pretty obvious by now, because – yes, they eventually succeeded.
It so happened that one rainy day I found myself adjusting studio lights in Josh’s bedroom (without Mark’s help this time), all while questioning my life choices.
“Tequila?”
The sound of Josh’s voice coming seemingly out of nowhere made me jump, nearly knocking down one light stand. I was so nervous and so inside my head that I hadn’t heard him enter the room, already just in his silk bathrobe. “Sorry,” he mumbled and handed me the bottle which I readily accepted. I really needed a drink. Just let it burn my throat, and a few brain cells as well, baby. I gulped it down like a sailor, much to Josh’s amusement.
“Are you nervous?” I asked rather unnecessarily when I was done, because he looked like he was going to spend the afternoon by the swimming pool… rather than fucking his boyfrind right in front of me. And of course, the question made him giggle.
“No, not really, but it looks like you are.” And there was that hand again, stroking and gently squeezing my forearm as if he were afraid I was on the verge of fainting… which wasn’t that far from the truth, actually. I just didn’t want Josh to know. “Hey,” he added in a different tone that only assured me that he knew anyway. The hand now found my cheek, and I blessed his obliviousness. Josh obviously thought that running his thumb over my cheekbone and forcing me to look at him would somehow make it better, while the opposite was true.
He was the most beautiful like this, stripped of all the make up and trinkets. That’s when his eyes really shone. It made me feel almost sentimental, for the lack of more appropriate words. I managed to have all those sentiments under control most of the time, but this was a brand new territory, and my heart was suddenly skipping a beat at the thought of what was to come. Now the truth reared its ugly head, taking me by surprise at the least convenient moment. It’s just lust and hormones you bitch, I tried to reassure myself. You didn’t get any in a while.
Still mercifully clueless, Josh took the bottle from me and smiled encouragingly. “Just pretend you’re working for Discovery Channel.”
I tried to laugh, but it sounded more like something between a sniff and a huff, so I averted my eyes, pretending to be busy with my equipment again. “So, what’s the plan, exactly?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” he chuckled. “Some kissing, hugging, heavy petting… my hair might not hold up. Oh, wait! Now I’m actually nervous.”
He finally managed to make me laugh. “I promise I’ll make you look lovely no matter what.”
“Aaahh, that’s why I love you, Darling.” Now the hand found my side. Right under my left boob, to be more exact. Fighting off the monster it kept awaking, I turned towards Josh with an ironic grin plastered on my face just when he tried to kiss my cheek, and our noses collided rather painfully.
“Ouch! Fuck! I’m gonna keep this here you buffoon.” I snatched the bottle back from him as he excused himself to go check on Gabriel, leaving me alone with more than one owie.
I checked the shutter speed and ISO settings one more time, because the tone of their skin messed with my previous adjustments a little bit. “Ok, I think I’m ready.”
And tipsy.
The bottle was already half empty by the time we all got set. Which means they were now both already stark naked and idly (and shamelessly) lounging on the bed in front of me. They assured me they were ready too… in fact, had been getting ready for the last half an hour in the other room to spare me some ‘less visually attractive and unnecessarily hindering details,’ as Gabried had put it. It was an information I could easily live without.
Assessing the view with just one eye open, I clasped my hands together. “Should I say… I don’t know… action, or something?” My voice cracked a little, and I really hoped they wouldn’t notice, which was really just wishful thinking. “No, that’s actually a bad idea…”
“You ok?”
“Yeah, Gabe, I assure you I’ve seen that thing before,” I snapped. That thing was already looking back at me, so I assessed they were both just politely waiting for my professional approval to start devouring each other. It felt awkward. What was I supposed to say? ‘Let the fucking commence?’
“Ok, guys,” I sighed. “Whenever you’re really ready. The key is to make all this look as genuine as possible. And natural. Take your time. Improvise. Just forget I’m here… please. And ignore the occasional flash.”
Photographers and cameramen are completely different creatures. You usually can’t escape the loud and commanding presence of the latter. We who capture still life memories prefer to be invisible. I always loved photography more exactly for this reason – because it feels more intimate in every way. The best camera is the one that’s unseen, and the same thing goes for the person who handles it. Everything was set to resemble their usual, private environment as much as possible. Their favorite scented candle was lit, some neutral background music was put on, and I stepped into the shadows behind the lights, focused solely on the viewfinder and waiting...
Soon I found my footing.
Without any specific instructions on my part, I let them take the reins. Their muffled conversation became a pleasant hum in my ears, and their bodies were just shapes of light and living matter that morphed into new visually pleasant compositions with each passing second. With a bit of luck, I would be able to go through the whole session treating every snapshot I took exactly this way. I call it ‘dissociated focus’.
The first photos were simply beautiful, which is easily done when the object’s full of love. At first I thought they really looked no different than some of my other clients. Serene and loving gazes you can find on good wedding portraits. Maybe just a bit more… primeval. They were both sitting on their heels facing each other and looking into each other’s eyes. It looked like the beginning of a ritual. I suspected it was vastly different from their usual foreplay, but they were the actors, the directors and the ones who were supposed to enjoy it, so I just let myself marvel at the magic of it.
I zoomed at Gabriel's palm gently caressing Josh’s bare chest. What a beautiful detail. Snap. Josh’s closed eyes and his head tilted slightly back, his lips parted as if in devotion – I’ve seen the sight many times before and always admired it. Snap. Many of my colleagues had photographed it in the past and I envied them. Now I took undoubtedly the best one. Now he raised his arms up and let Gabriel trace the outline of his sides. Snap, snap, snap.
The kiss that followed… I took quite a lot more pictures just of that first kiss, because I sensed that’s what they wanted when they took it slow, inviting me to capture every detail.
Their lips slightly parted, barely touching. Almost bashfully. The electricity was almost visible, the anticipation almost tangible. Snap.
Eyes closed one second – snap – only to lock them in an unfocused gaze a moment later when the tips of their tongues finally met. Sexy as hell. I quickly zoomed in again. Snap. Josh’s eyebrows scrunched together when the feeling intensified and he whimpered to let the other one know how good that shared proximity felt. Snap. A brief moment of vulnerability when they pressed their foreheads together. Snap.
This is art, I thought.
I was aware of the fact that the atmosphere would shift soon, but my confidence grew every time I pressed the button, and my heartbeat slowly returned to a normal rhythm as I focused on the details showing how their pulse gradually quickened.
I proceeded with surgical precision, careful not to miss any facet of their emotional responses to the physical touch.
Gabriel slowly pushed Josh on the pillows and bent down to pepper his heaving chest and exposed neck with kisses. He had been right; they really did look good like this. Divine.
They sounded even more so, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut for just a tiny second. Just to ground myself. It had been easy to remain calm when I could concentrate purely on the visual aspect of what was happening in front of me, but the moment their intimacies invaded my other, less professional senses, my heart betrayed me again.
I took a deep grounding breath and focused on the tiny droplets of sweat that had just formed on Josh’s chest out of pure excitement. They glistened under my spotlights with each intake of his breath just like the rhinestones on his jumpsuits.
They kissed again, fervently this time, moaning into each other’s mouths and gasping for air. Josh reached out to pull Gabe even closer and wrapped his legs around his lover’s hips. I tried to make the best of it, slowly realizing that doing so became increasingly harder with my camera attached to a tripod.
Almost as if he could read my mind, Josh suddenly stopped and frowned. “Wait!” he breathed out, looking first up at Gabriel and then at me. It alarmed us both, each one for different reasons.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Gabriel whispered and stroked Josh’s cheek, trying to make him focus solely on himself. It made me feel like asking the same question would come out as extremely intrusive, even though I had probably every right to do so.
“Those lights… I just don’t like it. Doncha think it just looks… staged?” That belonged to me.
“Oh, fuck it!” Yes, he was completely right. I turned their bedroom into a fucking studio, completely ignoring the fact that it could erase the very essence of what they wanted me to capture. I wasn’t there to photograph porn stills, for fuck’s sake. I quickly slid the camera out of the tripod mount and switched off the lights. “You’re fucking right. I’m sorry. Light more candles.”
I feared this stupid intermezzo would completely ruin the mood and the magic they had been building, but it had to be done and thankfully, once more candles were lit and I readjusted my camera settings, they quickly went back to where they had started: slowly exploring each other’s bodies as if nothing else in the world actually mattered.
It probably didn’t. At least for a while.
I could no longer hide, though. I had to come closer and essentially invade the personal space of their bed. They didn’t mind, so I just had to convince myself to be okay with it as well.
Gabriel climbed up the bed and leaned against the headboard, pulling Josh in between his legs and letting him rest against his chest. “How does it look?” he asked me quietly.
What did he expect me to say? I wasn’t supposed to take any part in this, but my presence in the room suddenly became nauseatingly loud. They were both staring at me lazily, their naked bodies bathing in the candlelight and their faces already fucked out even though nothing had really happened yet.
Well, not in front of me, I quickly reminded myself.
Without breaking eye contact with me, Gabriel took Josh’s earlobe in between his teeth. His middle fingers quickly found Josh’s nipples and started drawing slow circles around them. The latter one just closed his eyes and, letting his head rest against Gabe’s shoulder, he let out a contented hum. Snap.
“It looks arousing,” I answered truthfully, done with their games.
“You should come closer.”
What a preposterous suggestion. I was already hovering above the foot of the bed, with one knee already on the mattress to keep balance, and I could feel my heart in my throat when Gabriel slid his right hand down Josh’s stomach and wrapped his fingers around his cock, which earned him a breathy whimper. Encouraged, Gabriel started pumping him slowly while his lips attacked Josh’s neck.
I almost whimpered too.
Josh’s eyes suddenly opened again and he looked right into mine. Snap. Another high-pitched moan escaped his parted lips. I couldn’t stand it. I lowered the lens, only to see the swollen tip of his dick in the viewfinger, already glistening with precum. Snap. It was without a doubt the most obscene photo I had ever taken.
“You really should come closer.” My eyes snapped back at the familiar sound and I saw Josh still watching me intently. My head was spinning.
“I can’t,” I whispered, but my deceitful body already moved on its own. I slowly put the camera aside and placed my palms down on the mattress, clumsily and reluctantly. I almost touched Josh’s foot.
“He’s been talking about that mouth for weeks.”
Gabriel’s words made the air in my lungs freeze. He continued stroking his lover’s dick all the way up and down and a few juicy profanities escaped Josh’s lips. It all seemed like a strange fever dream. My eyes started stinging with tears, although I couldn’t really explain why. It was all just overwhelming. “Did you… set me up?” I barely recognized my voice. There was hurt in it, but also something close to exhilaration. I realized I felt both. “You’re an asshole, Joshua Kiszka,” I whispered again, and he just closed his eyes and sighed.
“I guess… I, …am… but I swear, uh, we didn’t.”
“So what is this?” I barked at Gabriel, suddenly full of fiery defiance. My blood ran hot with it.
“I guess you would call it improvisation.”
Right…. RIGHT!
So Josh wanted me to suck his dick. And his boyfriend was ready to watch. I was no stranger to kinky shit, so if they wanted to play with fire they’d better get ready.
And god knows I really wanted to do that. To lick those shiny droplets off the slit… and then to choke on the size of him.
Without any further ado, I reached for the hem of my tee and pulled it over my head, instantly flashing them with my bare tits. I rarely wear a bra, because I can confidently say that I don’t really need it. I hoped they would at least appreciate them for their natural beauty, but the way they both sucked in breath encouraged me even more.
“Hold him,” I commanded Gabriel and immediately grinned at their vastly different reactions. Josh’s eyes popped out, but Gabe just grinned back with malicious glee.
“Oh, ma donna, me likey.” He grabbed Josh by the elbows and pulled his arms back, while I stood up right on that mattress to pull my shorts and panties down. I almost lost my balance, but it was worth it. If they wanted me to actively participate in this beautiful filthiness, it shouldn’t be just a one sided spectacle.
I quickly slid back down on my knees and playfully nudged at Josh’s knees to make him spread his legs a bit more for me. Why waste time? I licked a long stripe up his abdomen and chest before meeting his eyes up close this time. “So tell me, what were you imagining? I can do anything.”
For the second time in a few months, the cosmos raptured again, rendering this little blabbermouth speechless. I wasn’t interested in waiting for the reply anyway, already dying to have him in my mouth. “Just remember, both of you… ‘stop’ is the word. OK?”
I wanted to be sure, because unlike them, I had nothing to lose.
After getting the assurance, I slid further down and planted a soft kiss on his inner thigh before looking up for one last time. “Gabriel, do me a favor. Keep kissing his neck. I want him to lose his mind.” I was realistic enough to know that I couldn’t compete with the brunette in any way, time or space, so – already flattered by the sheer fact I had permission to make Josh feel good – I just wanted to make it unforgettable.
With all my senses alert, I planted another kiss on the same spot as before and simultaneously wrapped my fingers around Josh’s balls to knead them gently. He emitted a soft sigh and his things shook a little. It was good, it was indeed very satisfactory indeed, but I wanted him to squirm and beg for more. At least for once. I moved my parted lips slowly up his thigh and Josh suddenly moaned right before I reached the desired destination, just before I felt him run his fingers through my hair.
I tried to look up to confirm that Gabriel was no longer holding him. Instead he got back to rubbing and pinching his nipples. Good. I let go of Josh’s balls and sucked them in my mouth instead, relishing in the immediate, very vocal reaction.
He smelled so good. Like dried apricots with whipped cream. My desire to taste all of him grew stronger, so I let go of the soft mass with a playful pop and let my flattened tongue slide all he was up from the base to his leaking head. I planted a soft kiss there before darting my tongue out to finally get a taste of that salty nectar.
I could feel his fingers tremble on my scalp, but nothing more. A lot of the guys I had been with would already push me down, but Josh was a true gentleman. I wanted to reward him for it, so I took him fully in my mouth until he hit the back of my throat.
Josh cried out and his grip on my hair tightened. I loved it. Somewhere at the back of my head, I saw all three of us on that bed, with Josh sandwiched between us and completely at our mercy. Squirming and moaning with his eyes squeezed shut and his plump lower lips trembling. Too bad there was no one else to take the picture of it, because just the idea made me so wet I could feel it trickling down my thighs.
It would be a shame to let it all go to waste, I thought. I’m not greedy, just a little vain. As I kept bobbing my head up and down, my vanity led my hand to reach down and scoop that juice on my fingers before I reached up to push them rather unceremoniously in Josh’s mouth.
He understood immediately, wrapping his lips around them and sucking them deeper in. He was a natural, and for a split second I wished I had a dick.
“Shit, I need more of this,” Josh breathed out when he finally let go. I was more than willing to oblige, but then I heard a groan and someone suddenly grabbed my wrist, making me look up.
It was Gabriel, and I halted. Confused and worried, I let Josh’s cock slide from my mouth. I had completely forgotten about him and now I feared he may have had enough. “That’s not what he meant,” he said simply with that aloof grace that was both magnetic and intimidating.
It took me a while to realize what was going on. I straightened up a bit because I felt like an idiot looking at them in confusion on all four. There was the hand again, caressing my cheek like it had done earlier that day. I searched Josh’s eyes for an answer and he just smiled, before he straightened up a bit as well and pulled me in his arms.
I suddenly understood why their foreplay looked like a ballet. He was doing the same thing to me now, making me feel like a feather being blown around. Before I could make sense of it all, I was suddenly lying on my back with Josh hovering above me. “Remember, ‘stop’ is the word,” he repeated my previous words with a soft smile. I still didn’t understand, until I saw Gabriel behind him, already planting soft kisses on his back. “Darling… OK?” Josh repeated.
“Ok,” I breathed out at last and closed my eyes.
I shivered a bit when he started planting soft kisses along my clavicle, and then moving further down. The sensation was soft and steady at first, before his lips started to treble too just somewhere above my navel.
Somewhere behind him, I heard a bottle cap pop. So this is what we were doing, I thought still in disbelief. I didn’t know why I suddenly felt so sentimental about it, but it all just felt so good. There was no way I’d ever tell them to stop.
But Josh suddenly did, though he never really let go. He just rested his forehead against my inner thigh as his breath grew more and more heavy. I still didn’t dare open my eyes, still feeling a bit like an intruder, which was completely ridiculous as I lay there naked with Josh between my legs. His labored exhales slowly turned to moans and soon I heard another voice join him.
It made me feel completely lightheaded.
The hand ran down my thigh now, all the way down from my knee to my left buttock where he stopped and squeezed my flesh gently in a silent query. I could only nod.
His next kiss made me gasp. I knew it was coming, but it still felt too good to be true. He started with hesitant catlike licks, so I made sure to let him know with my next exhale how wonderful it felt. Fuck, I had never felt so sentimental about having my pussy eaten before.
I finally dared to open my eyes only to see his own peeking at me from under the mass of messy curls. He raised his eyebrows just a tad. Another silent question. Yes, I yearned for more of this from him and I brushed my fingertips gently over his forehead, hoping that was a good enough answer because I momentarily forgot how to speak. Josh closed his eyes and finally sucked my clit in his mouth. Behind him, Gabriel hovered over both of us with his head tilted back and his mind lost somewhere in his own growing pleasure.
Soon I was grasping at the sheets around me and arching my back as the room kept rocking and spinning.
Josh came first, briefly pausing so as not to hurt me. He let out a strangled cry and just his hot breath on my pussy was almost enough to send me over the edge as well.
“Josh, please…,” I found my voice again. “I don’t care if you bite me, just…”
Just. He had just enough time to envelop my bud with his lips and send waves of delightful spasms though my whole body before his own started to shake as Gabe quickened his pace.
As soon as I came back to Earth, I briefly looked around, only to see that a small stool with my camera on it was just within my reach, so I got a devilish idea. Snap.
I caught it this time. The most obscene photo I had ever taken.
I'm still using my old taglist, but I'm aware it should get updated, so if you want to be added or removed from it, just let me know.
just a tiny little tidbit of the Right on Time universe.
special shout-out to @katuschka for being the first to read and validating me 😅
WARNINGS: language; oral sex/blowjob; some food play that I imagine would be extremely sticky; probably mediocre smut but fuck it
It was the smell that woke me up, a sweet smell that wafted through the house and pulled me gently from sleep. I stretched and allowed my eyes to come into focus. When I eventually made my way downstairs, I paused for just a moment to admire the man I was lucky enough to call my husband.
Josh was standing at the stove, wearing nothing but a pair of cream colored sleep shorts, flipping the last few pancakes in the pan. His fluffy curls were still messy from sleep and he was humming a melody, a piece of an old blues song. He jumped slightly as I slipped my hands around his waist and kissed his bare shoulder. “Good morning.”
He leaned slightly into me, not taking his eyes off of the hot stove. “Mornin’. You hungry?”
“I could eat.” I lightly nipped at the soft skin of his neck, eliciting a quiet hum. “Smells good.”
“Blueberry pancakes. I wanted to try the new syrup.” It was one of those glass bottles, the kind that cost way too much money for the whole eight ounces of syrup it holds. Josh always had expensive taste.
“And?”
He poured some on the freshly plated pancakes and cut a piece, turning and holding the fork up for me to try. He’d soaked it in the syrup, as he normally did, and some inevitably dripped over my lip. He wiped up the drop with his finger and popped it into his mouth.
“Mmm, that is good,” he said before leaning in for a kiss, his lips soft and plush. His hands went to my waist and pulled me to him. I loved the feeling of him pressed against me, skin on skin. It didn’t take much for me to forget about breakfast.
He pushed his hips against mine, silently pleading for something more. Not that he ever needed to beg me for anything. My fingers toyed with the waistband of his shorts and I shot him a questioning look. “Can I?”
He nodded fervently and I pulled his shorts down, letting them drop and pool around his ankles, before lowering myself to my knees in front of him. I ran my hands up his thighs before moving to fist his quickly hardening cock. His own hands gripped the edge of the counter behind him as he sighed and let his head fall back. I licked him slowly from base to tip, taking my time to get him all riled up.
“Wait,” he gasped. I pulled back and peered up at him. “Can we try something?” He grabbed the bottle of maple syrup and popped the lid open. He allowed a little to drip onto his finger and slipped it into my mouth. He gave me a questioning look, as if asking for permission. I nodded.
He smiled mischievously, cheeks already flushed, before drizzling a small amount of the syrup onto his now throbbing cock.
I didn’t waste any time taking him into my mouth. God, it tasted even better mixed with the flavor of him. I savored it. It had been way too long since I’d had a chance to do this. We’d both been so busy lately; this was the first morning in what seemed like ages that we weren’t rushing around trying to get out of the house on time. I knew neither one of us would last too long.
I felt his hands thread through my hair and tug. My own cock ached, desperate to be touched, but I kept my hands on him. I needed this, to feel him squirm under my touch as he begged for more, to hear his breathy moans and pleas - “Keep going. Fuck, baby, don’t stop.”
He thrusted into my mouth, grazing the back of my throat. I held his hip with one hand and reached up between his legs for the added stimulation. I worked him, reveling in the sounds he made. He’d try to keep his eyes on me, but a bit of particularly pleasurable pressure and he was throwing his head back again.
“Cai, f-fuck, I’m close.” I hummed around his cock in approval. He tightened his grip in my hair and let out a groan. I felt his muscles tense and his hot release coating my throat.
I swallowed every bit of it and stood to kiss him, making sure he got a taste of himself on me. He was still panting as he pawed at my own cock through my shorts. “Your turn.”
“What about your pancakes?”
He huffed. “They can wait.”
He latched his lips onto mine again, heated and desperate. That was just a teaser - he was just getting started.
The little bottle of maple syrup was gone by mid-afternoon.
Well, at first I just wanted to write a one-shot about a slowly developing intimacy in a new, complicated relationship, and that's what this essentially is!
But, as I started thinking about the characters, my mind kept going back to Olalla. (Sorry, not sorry.) So, while this hopefully works as a standalone piece, it's also set within the Olalla universe, specifically chapter 18. However, I think that you really don't need to know the story to be able to enjoy this.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.
Warnings (are spoilers): vague allusions to past trauma, insomnia, fear, alkohol consuption, oral sex (both f/m receiving), hopefully an insanely and melancholically sweet foreplay, lovemaking, rough sex, hair pulling, teasing, scratching, light dom play, throatfucking, Jake being a sweet and considerate lover, Jake being a wild beast
April 24th 2026, cabin outside Bretton Woods
___
Jake used to hate waking up before sunrise. To be fair, it almost never happened anyway. Ever since his late teens, he had been deliberately trying to avoid it, and for a reason. The minutes before dawn used to feel cold and dreary, almost oppressive. His wandering mind just couldn’t attune to how time seemed to slow down right before everything came back to life.
He had no idea how it started and why, always just attributing it to being a night owl and leaving it at that.
It was different with sunsets… and all those hours that came after that. Jake had learned to love the stillness of the night. The music always sounded different, more acute and intense. His own thoughts made sense in the dark. Maybe that’s exactly why he didn’t want to witness the end of it. As soon as the birds started chirping, singing their own song to greet the sun, he suddenly felt ill at ease. It was his cue to close his eyes at last and sleep through the moment.
Veela changed that.
She’d been doing that gradually at first. Intentionally, no doubt, and with the subtlety of someone who wants you to think you’re still in charge while the very opposite is true.
It started well back in Copenhagen, when she’d sneak out of their hotel room disgustingly early (to his standards) to go buy coffee and kanelsnegls while Jake was still fast asleep, and then she’d teasingly eat the pastry and drink the fragrant caramel latte right in bed right next to Jake just to make the mouth-watering smell rouse him too.
At first Jake stubbornly tried to fight that, but Veela soon learned to call his bluff when he only pretended to be still asleep. And then, as soon as he dared to open one eye, she gave him a cute little lecture as to why it was essential for him to attune to her own circadian rhythm.
Because – she said – if they were bound to live together, they really had to share those moments together. Jake couldn’t really argue with that, even if she let him. Veela was just as stubborn, but also often much more fiery when it came to her ‘truths’. Also, the real meaning behind her words melted his heart. He just let her rant about that, sympathetically nodding every now and then. Jake’s sleeping habits were clearly one of her strongest pet peeves, but whatever made her forget about the real issues for a while and focus just on the two of them was good.
So she went on and on about how she had already made the compromise of waiting until the sun was already high up in the sky, which meant she had to lie in bed completely awake for more than two hours. And that was a torture – she said – what with her own inner clock set to “wake up when the cock crows”. At first Jake misheard her, which nearly cost him his life as the coffee went down the wrong pipe.
With a mixture of confusion and horror in her eyes, Neszka gave him a few back blows before she finally realized what she’d just said and how it actually sounded. And then she started laughing.
It sounded like the most beautiful song to him and she looked the most beautiful like that. Even though still coughing and with his eyes watering, Jake just couldn’t stop watching her.
Those days back in Europe were filled with many more equally precious moments – tiny promises of a better future – before reality hit again, sending them back to where they had started. During those days that followed, Jake stopped sleeping late on his own, not as a result of her previous efforts, but because he simply couldn’t rest unless it was with her in his arms. He kept replaying her laughter in his head to keep himself going on during the waking hours.
None of it really stopped him from disliking early mornings, though. Despite Jake’s subconscious worries that just made him more alert, and Veela’s previous efforts to alter his habits, now hindered by jet-lag and her mental breakdown, everything really changed just last night after the fated drunk fuck that almost destroyed all their previous efforts to find a genuine way to each other.
At first he woke up unexpectedly early, confused and disoriented after they had ended up doing god knows what and then crashing out god knows when. Most importantly, he was alone.
Drunkenness never granted Jake a good night’s sleep, but this was still unusual, as if some secret force told him she needed him, urging him to open his eyes and go find her crying on the bathroom floor.
Jake could barely remember the sex. Only the indisputable smell of her still lingering right under his nose gave him a first clue as to what had happened. Judging from what Veela said when they were kneeling there on the cold tiles, her own recollections of the previous evening were even hazier. She blamed her fresh tears on having had too much, but the hangover was largely emotional. She didn’t have to say a thing; he knew that just from looking at her.
Half an hour later and back in bed, Jake managed to lull her back to sleep just when the fading darkness started to uncover the shapes of furniture… and her. And he didn’t mind. Suddenly, he didn’t want to miss it. She was like a chimera that finally materialized and reluctantly became part of his world. It was no longer just a bad dream featuring the girl he had thought he’d never have. He could touch her now. He had touched her, and kept doing so… even though every single step forward was still accompanied with reluctance and apprehension. Yet it had a strange appeal to it.
And so the steely dimness didn’t seem to hurt his eyes anymore. Suddenly, the metallic-tone light of the approaching dawn seemed very welcome as he watched her dark blue silhouette emerging from the previous inky darkness.
Once again, she appeared to be almost out of this world. Jake could spend hours just watching her. It was fatigue and his own nauseating hangover that made him close them eventually.
And then she disappeared for the second time that morning, leaving her side of the bed once again left cold and empty when he stirred again. It was actually almost noon, and this time she was nowhere to be found.
Took his car keys, left no message.
Jake panicked, cursing himself for oversleeping that impending disaster.
‘Jake, is there a reason why… why this should be concerning?’ Jake could barely hear Josh on the phone because of the previously uttered words that kept replaying in his own head.
“You’re such an asshole!”“And you’re bitch. We’re even.”
Despite all the other seemingly good things that had happened in the past few days, this was suddenly all he could remember. Of course it was concerning, given the circumstantial fragility of their budding relationship. Jake was just still reluctant to openly admit his own part in it.
As he was standing in that oppressively silent room, reaching out to the only person who he could think of while at the same time reluctant to talk to him about it, Veela’s departure seemed permanent for a split second. It made no sense, and at the same time, he found himself to have been dreading it all that time.
She had nowhere to go, except one infinitely dark place… and just thinking about that possibility felt like being gutted alive.
Threatening to become his greatest personal failure yet.
And then she was suddenly back, drenched in rain and full of promises she finally swore to keep. Having slept late turned out to be sort of a blessing after all – as Jake had mercifully missed all those hours of her being gone, and so he spent only several minutes in that panicked state, even though it still felt like a lifetime.
“I want to do it again,” she said while trying to quench his understandable anger, with her face full of worry, apprehension and hope. “I’m sorry I scared you. I love you. I really do. Take me. Make me yours, sweet Jake.”
And he did. Properly this time. And repeatedly. And then he almost fucked it all up again.
It’s safe to say it was quite an eventful day, unexpectedly full of sex, and unsurprisingly ending in yet another fight and more shared tears. More shared words, too. Those were all painful, but necessary steps. Opening up to each other, even though it was surprisingly hard to do. They once again fell asleep way too early to his standards, seemingly ok and finally reconciled.
However, with a woman such as her, you never know whether things are truly ok, even when she holds you tight.
The memory of it all disturbed Jake’s sleep yet again way too soon.
So as soon as his eyes opened on their own, his heart jumped to his throat and he started groping around in the darkness. It was still too early for the sun to light up the horizon, but the birds outside already started greeting it. Jake’s chest tightened instinctively after all the previous experience. However, this time, she was there, roused from her own shallow sleep and positively alarmed by his sudden charge.
“Jake? Złotko, what happened?” she whispered, instinctively turning towards him. They couldn’t really see each other yet, but that only made them more perceptive to the touch. The seclusion of the cabin offered this rare nocturnal experience that heightened other senses.
It was… nice.
“Are you ok?” she tried again, this time a bit more loudly. The sound of her voice, a bit husky this early in the morning, calmed him down almost instantly.
Jake didn’t respond, at least not with words. Instead, he accepted her tender offer to snuggle closer to her and buried his face at the small of her neck, inhaling the soft scent of her warmed-up skin. Even though she had urged him to let go and just be himself, willingly showing signs of weakness still didn’t feel like an option.
Veela seemed to know. “I’m here,” she mumbled.
Stating the obvious, but also addressing his greatest fear, now that she finally knew what it was. None of it mattered any longer as long as she was lying next to him. The atmosphere changed, the birdsong outside the open window turned to a pleasant ambient tune the moment her warm hand found his bare hip under the comforter and started stroking it lazily.
A seemingly innocent gesture, but also way too close to the danger zone. It seemed like a very deliberate choice on her part. A fucking siren striking again.
It was the first night they slept completely naked like that, and Jake was still getting used to it. After all those months of pining, there were finally no restraints. Anything could happen now, all the things he’d been imagining for so long, yet all he wanted at that particular moment was to continue exploring this new kind of serene closeness.
He had held her tight before, always wondering if that was really what she wanted. Now that she pressed her warm body to his with fresh urgency and wrapped her arms around him, Jake finally gave in to the luxury of worrying no more. The feeling covered him like a cooling balm to soothe an irritated skin.
Still barely awake, Veela rubbed her cheek against his like a cuddly cat. “I love you,” she whispered right in his ear, and giggled mischievously when she felt his response under the comforter, immediately remembering her late grandmother's words. ‘Men are simple creatures.’
“Who would have thought you’re such a hopeless romantic,” she added, her voice still laced with tease.
No shit. The first time they met, he was anything but. Deliberately. Who would have thought that Jake’d ever reveal this particular part of himself to her one day. And who would have thought he’d ever feel so at peace at such an ungodly hour… all because of her.
Jake loved the change. It was a brand new day… and it would be a long one, so no need to rush it, he thought. They shared a few warm closed-lip kisses before he slipped into blissful semiconsciousness as the darkness began to fade behind his closed eyelids.
Jake probably dozed off a bit, but not enough to miss when she silently got up from the bed and sneaked out of the room. He listened closely to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom, soon replaced by the clinking sound of dishware and the clapping of her footsteps on the wooden floor. His mind immediately wandered off and he could hear new, inspired tunes inside his head.
Maybe he should have gotten out of bed as well… to write it down, or just to check on her like he’d often done. But Jake was in no hurry all of the sudden. The scent of her lingered in the air long after he left the room, lulling him into believing that this could be for good.
A few minutes later – or maybe an hour, who knows… – he felt the mattress behind him dip, followed by her gentle, teasing kisses on his neck. “Mmm, what?”
“Breakfast,” she mumbled and bit his earlobe, making Jake smile in response with his eyes still mostly closed. He turned on his back, giving her a better access and relishing in the simple pleasure of feeling her hand slide down his bare chest. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and melted butter invaded his nostrils, but the previous restraints were suddenly gone and he had something else on his mind. Food could wait.
“‘S’dat so?” Jake opened one eye and grabbed her wrist, tugging at it gently in an attempt to pull her down on him, but Veela resisted. She straightened up on her knees and pouted, but it was a transparently half-hearted defiance. A ridiculously see-through teasing. Playing coy had never been her forte, and with the previous mental inhibitions gone, he could see the hunger in her eyes quite clearly now. “Yeah, crepes. With raspberry jam. We should really eat them while they’re still warm,” she replied. It didn’t sound convincing at all.
And sure enough, before Jake could even retort, she leaned down again to attack his lips with her own. He kept them self-consciously pressed together, suddenly also painfully aware of his full bladder… and the inevitable consequences. Still, he couldn’t help but smile when Veela slid her hand under the comforter to investigate. With her open mouth now once again attached to the tender skin under his left earlobe, he had to bite his lip to stifle a moan. “Are you so happy to see me or is it just a… how do you call it…,” she mumbled before darting the tip of her tongue out to play with his earring.
“Morning wood,” Jake breathed out with growing embarrassment. She already smelled so good, like ice cream and roses. Her freshly brushed dark hair cascaded down on him like a silk curtain, partially obscuring his view. This sudden effort to act like a truly newlywed wife didn’t go unnoticed, and it made Jake’s heart swell… together with other parts that were already way ahead. “And… both… babe. Just… gimme a moment.”
“Aaaah,” she exhaled dramatically and bit his shoulder. “And I thought you desired me.” She also cupped his balls with her palm and feigned a sniff, making him both gasp and let out an amused huff in rapid succession.
Jake tried to wriggle out of her grasp, rolling on top of her and virtually straddling her in the process. However, Veela wouldn’t give up so easily. She started tickling his sides, so Jake had to grab her wrists and pin her arms above her head. “You stay here!” He pointed his finger at her playfully, almost touching the tip of her nose. Again, who would have thought that he’d ever enjoy being silly in bed, but it was suddenly so easy with someone who could really see you. She watched, laughing playfully, as he scrambled out of the bed in haste, almost tripping on a creased carpet. “I mean it!” he added when he regained his balance and turned around towards her in a theatrical gesture, now laughing with her.
“I’m not going anywhere, Jake.”
The sudden somber tone of her voice hit him like a gust of wind, but he was already out the door. So, thankfully, Veela couldn’t see his reaction.
She kept her word, and when Jake returned back to the bedroom sufficiently refreshened, he found her hiding under the comforter, already naked. Still playing some sort of a game, she had her back turned to the door and him. Eyes closed as if asleep. Only her foot, partially peeping from under the comforter and nervously ticking, gave her away. That woman simply couldn’t wait. Jake smiled to himself and swiftly climbed into the bed to join her.
“Hi…,” he whispered while running his fingertips down her arms. Veela chuckled again, with her eyes crinkled with amusement as she turned around and met his gaze, but the velvety tone of her voice once again gave away her growing anticipation when she replied: “Hi.” Her lips were already parted and slightly pouty. They were done teasing, the atmosphere shifted, and Jake needed no further invitation.
“I think I owe you this.” Before Veela could ask what he meant, Jake cupped her cheek and kissed her deeply. Her body responded immediately, arching her back to press her body to his completely.
They wrapped their arms around each other. Veela’s skin felt so warm in contrast to his own, cooled down by the cold, crisp air in the cabin. Jake could feel her shiver, unsure if it was because of that or just the growing thrill. His own heart was beating wildly now. The idea of her being finally completely his was still so completely new and fresh and exciting that he felt like an unseasoned boy again. He liked the dizzying feeling or adrenaline rushing through your veins, just like when you get onstage all nervous and worried, only to find out everyone already sings along.
Jake ran his hand through Veela’s hair and cupped the back of her head. He had already learned that it was what often set her off, and sure enough, she tensed and shivered again. They licked and moaned into each other’s mouths.
She spread her legs, already more than ready to welcome him back. Her hand slid down to cup his ass and to urge him to move in between them, but Jake shook his head and broke the kiss. He looked into her eyes, already glossed with lust.
“Don’t hurry,” he whispered.
Yesterday had been mostly about quenching both the emotional and physical hunger. And just like yesterday, he couldn’t shake off the feeling she was trying to make up for something. To be giving. To repay him, somehow. Now it was his turn. Now he took his time, eager to trace all his previous steps and to venture even further. Every piece of her flesh was still an unknown button to be pressed, and with no manual. It was his fucking job to write it now.
Jake started with her cheek, planting a soft kiss there that made her close her eyes and sigh. “Ok…”
This was a pilgrimage, starting at the roots of her hair. He traveled further down her neck, tracing every inch with soft, open mouthed kisses and relishing in how she slowly melted under his touch.
Veela took this journey with him, tracking the outline of his shoulders with her fingertips, squeezing his biceps when he sucked at the soft skin above her collarbone.
Jake threw the comforter aside impatiently. The cool air immediately gave her goosebumps, but Veela didn’t complain. When he drew a slow, wet circle around her nipple with the tip of his tongue, she arched her back and tilted her head back, letting out a soft moan. Jake hummed in approval as he slid further down to adorn her belly with more kisses.
He meant every touch to be a band-air for her soul, but the truth is that this was his healing, too. Veela had inadvertently taught him to be present, to stop taking things for granted. He had had to fight for this love, instead of sabotaging everything out of spite and fear. He wanted her to take whatever she wanted. If only she could give the rest away…
“Jake…,” she whimpered when his tongue reached the crease that separated her leg from that cushiony mound. In response, he let his hand slide down her thigh, starting at the bent knee and traveling all the way down to her pussy, this time urging her to open up for him.
“That’s it, I wanna hear more. Sing for me…,” Jake mumbled before he planted a soft kiss on her now exposed clit. When she did, he rewarded her with pressing his flattened tongue against it completely. It sent a bolt of electricity up her spine, encouraging him to suck the bud in his mouth.
Jake could feel her trembling fingers brushing over the back of his head and the sudden idea of being completely at her mercy made his head spin, so he reached up to grab her wrist, urging her to entangle her hand in his hair and to hold him down. And she did, unwittingly tightening her grip with every flick of his tongue. It felt exhilarating, but also still a bit dangerous. Before he could fully examine and process his thoughts, she suddenly let go as her thighs started shaking.
“Jake…,” she repeated. “I… need you.”
How could he deny her, especially since he too already ached to be inside her. Still in between her legs, Jake climbed up and immediately locked his lips with hers. Veela immediately wrapped her arms and legs around him, possessively pulling him down. The tip of his cock was already brushing against her entrance when he broke the kiss and looked down at her with a smile.
“Any special wishes?” he asked with a cheeky smirk.
“Veela just rolled her eyes. “Just do it already.”
Jake pushed inside with one swift thrust. It was supposed to be a gesture of generous dominance, but his own eagerness and emotional overstimulation betrayed him. She felt so good. Warm and soft and welcoming. He buried his face in her neck and whimpered just when she gasped and then moaned right in his ear.
He wished he could come up with something clever to say… with some shrewd and romantic response to her clawing at his back that felt almost as if she was gasping for air. But his mind betrayed him. It went completely blank. Veela rolled her hips impatiently and he followed suit, setting a slow, languid pace that allowed him to recover.
His woman.
This was his woman!
“Look at me,” she whispered in between moans as if she could read his mind. And when he looked up to look into her eyes, it was really there. Without breaking eye contact, Jake groped around for her palm to press to his. Their fingers intertwined. He held their locked hands down on the pillow next to her head.
Jake kissed her again as he gradually quickened his pace. Their mutual arousal rose like a wave, from pure tenderness to a frenetic thirst and urge to devour each other. Jake’s moves turned to frantic thrusts as the wind coming to them through the still open window cooled his heated body, slick with sweat. He could feel her walls tightening as she was getting closer. Her moans turned to cries. Afraid that Jake himself wouldn’t be able to last much longer, he straightened up on his knees and licked the tip of his thumb before he started to draw circles over her clit.
The new angle together with new stimulation made Veela tense almost immediately. She grabbed at his chest, clawing into his skin in a desperate need to ground herself. It took him only three more thrusts to make her arch her back and cry out. Without slowing down, Jake fucked her through it, prolonging her tensed state until she collapsed completely, trying to catch her breath.
She was so tight now. Jake slowed down, already on the verge of his own orgasm, but still conscious enough to search her face for any sign of discomfort. Veela looked up at him with hooded eyes, before she took his hand and sucked his thumb in her mouth, licking off the remains of her release. Just the sight was enough for Jake.
“You…” was all he could say before he opened his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. A few seconds later he collapsed on top of her, shuddering.
Veela’s POV, a few hours later
___
It was a sunny day. The air warmed up just enough for us to be able to stay naked without having to close the windows.
I wanted it that way. It was kind of frivolous, sexy and freeing. The fresh air was heavily scented with Spring and it filled me with life and perhaps also hope. Still not completely there yet, but it seemed possible. That day I finally felt like a wife. I felt like I no longer had to convince myself that I wasn’t just hurting him with everything I said, did or represented.
I loved Jake. I had been loving him for quite a while, unsure what to do with it, because I hadn’t been his and he hadn’t been mine. The circumstances couldn’t have been worse, and more confusing, and utterly heart-wrenching. I hadn’t thought and I couldn’t believe I would find so much love within me. They both had to completely ruin me to make me realize that it was possible.
We didn’t get to eat the crepes and drink the coffee until almost noon. By the time we sat down at the table, dishevelled and wrapped in blankets, they had already turned to rubber. But we ate them anyway. The runny raspberry jam trickled down our fingers and we took turns to lick it off, laughing and teasing each other with sexual innuendos.
It really was a brand new day.
We opened a bottle of wine shortly after, and then we snuggled together on the couch with our glasses like a pair of bohemian artists. Well, Jake was one, after all. I was still getting used to the fact.
Even when completely naked, he was clinking with every move like wind chimes because of his numerous pendants and bracelets. And even though I convinced him to put most of it down in bed, it was all back up the moment he set foot out of the bedroom. No clothes? Fine, great idea actually, but his trinkets were untouchable.
“It’s like being married to a fortuneteller,” I grumbled earlier that day.
“Eeeh, s’just me, babeh. Like a second shkin,” he crooned in a dramatic, raspy voice while strutting around like a drunken sailor. In my head, I could hear an echo of another husky voice saying ‘just can’t stop being myself, darling,’ but I successfully pushed it to the back of my mind.
Fast forward a few more hours, I found myself sitting on the couch with Jake’s head in my lap. He had taken just a few sips of the wine before his eyelids started to feel heavy and soon he dozed off while I played with his hair.
He looked beautiful like that, blessed with an angel face that was no doubt sculpted by god himself to haunt me… and I’m not particularly religious.
Having finished my third glass, I traced the outline of his profile with my index finger, growing increasingly fond of this version. No, they were not completely the same, I assessed to myself with a new-found peace in my soul.
Suddenly, he smiled with his eyes still closed and snatched at my fingertip with his teeth.
“Well, good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty.”
Jake shifted slightly so that he was now lying on his back, and opened one eye to look at me. “What time is it?”
“No idea.” I also didn’t care. I was pleasantly tipsy and I hadn’t felt this calm in months. My eyes wandered to his chest to examine the scratchmarks that had turned a rather violent shade of red. “I’m sorry for this,” I mumbled while running my fingers over the irritated skin. The truth is, I wasn’t sorry at all.
“Bullshit,” Jake snickered and I just shrugged. There really was no point in trying to play innocent. Suddenly, he wrinkled his brow and cleared his throat.
“What do you like?” Jake looked directly into my eyes and it was pretty obvious what he meant. The sudden question surprised me a bit and I giggled while matching his frown.
“Why are you asking me this?”
“Why shouldn’t I?” he pouted. “It’s a sensible thing to ask. I mean, you can’t expect me to figure it all out on my own!”
“Why not?” I laughed in earnest this time. “You’ve been doing a pretty good job so far.”
Jake suddenly sat up and reached for his still half full glass of wine previously abandoned on the coffee table, and chugged it down in one go. He also assessed the nearly empty bottle placed right next to it with a raised eyebrow. “I’m flattered, my love. Anyway, I see you’ve been keeping yourself busy while I was knocked out.”
Not busy enough. Instead of retorting, I watched in my lightheaded state how the afternoon sun turned a few strands of his hair gold, and just like the previous evening, it hit me again. My man. Slowly and reluctantly, I was giving myself the permission to entertain that notion. My mind wandered back to his question, suddenly thrilled with the idea that he might want to try it out as soon as possible. Immediately, if possible. As our chemistry teacher used to say, ‘theories lead, trials decide’... “I’ve always been quite fond of being on my knees.”
I loved the way he rubbed his lower lip with his thumb when intrigued. “Really! And what does that mean?”
I stretched my arms above my head in a catlike manner, pondering how to play this. There were still quite a few things I hadn’t done yet, and I was just as eager to learn everything about him and to taste all of him. Literally.
I started with what I thought was an innocent smile. “Quite a few things. Why don’t you stand up and let me show you…”
“Oh no no no,” Jake protested, although I could already see how his mind screamed ‘hell yes.’ “Not what I asked for. Don’t try to turn the tables. Nah, not interested in that.” He pointed his finger at me in a quasi-berating gesture that only emboldened me. I knew what he meant, and it was actually pretty sweet, but no one is ever going to doubt my talents.
“Yes, you are,” I countered and teasingly licked my upper lip. “Believe me. Also, you asked me what I like… and it so happens that I love having my throat fucked. And I really can’t wait any longer. So, please, stand up.”
Suddenly looking a bit stunned, Jake did as I said and as the blanket slid down on the floor, I could see that I wasn’t the only one eager to put things into practice. “That was quick, for someone who complained about being old the other day,” I pouted in appreciation.
“I’m not that old, woman. Now show me what you got.”
Well, that was it for making love. We had taken our sweet time earlier in the morning, but neither of us could run solely on sugar. I had yet to show him all my facets and flavours.
Jake pushed the table aside with his leg, ignoring the bottle that nearly got knocked over. I slid down on my knees in front of him and looked up, searching his face for what I hoped to see.
And it was there. Jake’s eyes darkened when they met mine. He had been walking on eggshells in front of me most of the time during the past month, but I had already learned about his other side before, and I would be a terrible liar if I said that I had never been attracted to that smug asshole. I had already lied to him about it in the past, and it never did us any good.
I was also yearning to rediscover myself. To show him that I was more than just a tearful, wounded stray he had to nurse. “Don’t hold back, because I won’t,” I said, planting my palms on each side of his hips to brace myself.
“Right,” he growled. “Open.”
I stuck my tongue out without breaking eye contact, letting Jake know what being on my knees meant. He was still in charge. He could decide. My heart was thumping just from the sight in front of me: My man was a wild one. A wolf that inflamed the fire in me. I let out a satisfied hum when he tangled his hand in my hair, though still a bit unsure.
Finally I could get a taste of him when he neatly planted the tip of his cock on my waiting tongue. I eagerly circled it around the head before I enveloped it with my lips, waiting for his next move. It was no doubt an obscene sight, and Jake’s breath grew heavy. However, I could still feel his reluctance as his fingertips just gently stroked the back of my head. Done waiting, I took him fully in my mouth, and he immediately rewarded me with the most delicious high-pitched moan. Relaxing my throat and flattening my tongue, I licked the underside of his dick and then I did it again, taking him even deeper this time.
“Shit!” Jake breathed out, tightening his grip while still letting me be in charge, so I cupped his balls with one hand while I dug my nails into his right buttock with the other as I withdrew a bit to lick off his precum.
“I said don’t hold back, Jake,” I said as I looked back up with pleading eyes. “Fuck my mouth.”
“Right…,” he repeated, this time sounding a bit more out of breath. I braced myself again and took a deep breath, letting him slide back inside my waiting mouth. My throat contracted around him and I could immediately feel his grip loosen again, so I took the charge and set the pace for a bit, letting him know that I could take it. Jake’s breath quickened and his moans grew louder, and suddenly his hips moved on their own, finally giving me what I had been begging for.
It sounded delightfully obscene, and I simply couldn’t get enough of how much he obviously liked it.
Then all of the sudden, he tugged at my hair almost painfully, but it wasn’t to push me down on him this time. Instead, I was being pulled back on my feet, turned around and pushed against the backrest before I could fully comprehend what was going on. I was kneeling on the couch and when I tried to straighten and turn around to see what was going on, I could feel his hand in between my shoulder blades pushing me back down. “Jake… what…”
“Bravo, my love. It was impressive,” he growled. “But you said ‘quite a few things’ and I’m quite intrigued to learn more ‘bout that. Perhaps even to add some more to your list…”
Well, yes, I was still pretty much on my knees, suddenly feeling a bit vulnerable. Jake didn’t spare much time to let me wonder about the possible options. He kneeled down as well and grabbed my butt and the next thing I could feel was his flattened tongue, licking a long stripe all the way up from my clit to my entrance. It made me cry out and my whole body tensed.
“Well, I suppose we can check this off as a success,” he crooned, with his mouth still so dangerously close I could quite literally feel those words. “But just to be sure, let’s try again.” And then he did.
My arms gave way and I fell fully forward on my chest with my hair cascading down the other side of the backrest. I felt completely at his mercy and he thrust his tongue into my pussy, fucking me with it. It was one of those moments when your brain completely shuts off. Jake was turning me into a whimpering mess. And then he suddenly stopped, making me groan in frustration.
“Yep,” he blurted out cheerfully. “That was good right? I’ll have to make a mental note.”
I made a mental note to over-pepper his next meal. In my peripheral vision, I saw him stand up.
“Jake, you can’t just l…”
Well, he didn’t. Before I could finish that sentence, he grabbed my ass again and pushed his dick inside me, making me yelp. “You…,” he sighed. “... just stirred up my curiosity.” He pulled nearly all the way out before he thrust back inside me again. “Gotta… finish this one though.”
“God, please…,” I whimpered.
“Please what?”
I didn’t answer. I arched my back as he finally started moving, quickly setting a diabolical pace, hitting my cervix just right to keep me on the verge of pain. It made my thighs shake. Jake grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me back up so that I had to rest my elbows on the backrest again for support. “You told me not to hold back…,” he hissed in my ear.
“Yeah…”
“Like this?” he continued in that raspy voice that kept me intoxicated. “This is it?”
“YES!”
“Good, because I can’t stop now.”
“Don’t!” I cried out as he thrust in me again with full force. His many pendants kept hitting my back, his rings were no doubt going to leave imprints on my hips, just like his teeth on my shoulder. I intended to wear it with pride.
“Veela… I can’t,” Jake suddenly whimpered, but I could already tell from the sound of his moans. I was already getting close, myself.
“Then don’t.”
Jake just moaned in response and his hips suddenly stuttered. He stopped briefly in mid motion, and it filled me with strange anticipation. I literally held my breath. Then it started. Like a soft huff of surprise, followed by a jerky motion of his hips. Then another one, a bit more loud and intense. I squeezed my walls around him as he thrust forward one more time, and it sent us both over the edge.
Jake didn’t stop. He continued pounding into me until his last drop. I collapsed on the backrest like a ragdoll again, barely aware of his sweaty palm stroking my back.
“Fuck…,” he breathed out after several more seconds, panting and trying to catch his breath. “That was…”
“Quite an uneventful, lazy Friday,” I chuckled as a whiff of fresh air coming through the window cooled my flushed cheeks.
Notes: circus performer Josh!! 🎪; yearning; friends to lovers; fingering; blowjob; no condom; fluffy sex.
On my last fic I cross-posted to Wattpad, I made a poll asking which of the boys people wanted next--Josh was the winner! He'll always be my Starshine, and I loved imagining him being crazy and cosmic as always in the circus.
Jake and Danny were tied as runner-ups; Jake's fic is already in the works, so be on the lookout. Danny 's will follow ;)
---
He’d been doing it for years. You’d been watching him do it for years. But every time Josh got way up high on that tightrope, balancing with committed concentration and all wrapped up like a pretty present in his jumpsuit, your lungs tightened, your body giving a futile attempt to breathe properly. It was impossible not to stare in both wonder and horror, waiting for the night–and maybe this night would be it–for him to stumble and fall.
There were safety precautions. He’d probably be okay, all things considered–some broken bones were pretty much guaranteed, but not death. Probably not death. Nevertheless, it was a gamble you wish he’d stop making. He could do other things. He had a lot of talents. He didn’t need to endanger himself like that.
But he loved it. Thankfully, tonight wasn’t the night that he plummeted to some uncertain fate. He walked across the tightrope with his unwavering expertise, climbed down, bowed, bounded out of the arena and was all smiles when he strutted up to you. Behind him the bright lights bouncing around for the next act glowed; a golden spotlight swept up over the back of his head, creating a brief halo.
He’d been doing his act for so long, he didn’t even break a sweat anymore. But his cheeks were a little pink from all that effort and concentration, and his dark eyes sparkled with the equally vibrant excitement and pride that you knew buzzed within him.
Something else you’d been doing for years besides watching him perform with bated breath–pining to kiss him, even just once. You were best friends inside and outside of the circus, but it’d never been anything more–not for a single moment. As the years of friendship went on, your wonder as to why waned, but once in a while a pang of confusion struck you.
Like now, because he wound his arms around you and kissed your cheek and you felt something like you always did connect the two of you. It was a connection stronger than friendship and camaradie–it had to be.
“Magnificent as always,” you told him, unwilling to let go of the embrace just yet. You stroked your hand down his back, running your fingers over the rhinestones reminiscent of diamonds that bejeweled his sapphire jumpsuit.
When you both pulled back at the same time, your hands remained on each other’s shoulders and he really did look like an embodiment of the stars, not just because silver stars were stitched onto the fabric but because he himself looked otherworldly. Out of everyone you knew and had ever met, Josh’s inner light shone the brightest and you thought that if he found himself up in the cosmos, he’d be the brightest star of them all.
“Thank you, darling.” He smiled again and didn’t avert his gaze from your eyes, your eyes that were searching for what you wanted to see so badly beyond his celestial beauty. “So were you.”
You managed not to roll your eyes. Your act had become stale; the novelty may not have been lost on the spectators comfortable in their seats, but it was lost on you. It wasn’t fun anymore. It was just something you had to do and so routine now that you were sure you could do it blindfolded. Well, if you did, perhaps that would add some excitement.
But that wasn’t that excitement you wanted. You wanted more, and you wanted something different.
Josh’s dressing room was always a little exciting, at least. You’d been inside it hundreds of times, but there was always something new to see–a new picture of your fellow performers, sometimes including you, sometimes including Josh, sometimes both of you; a new piece of artwork that Josh bought from the vendors that often set up outside the circus; new makeup, always shimmery and glittery; sometimes even a trinket you’d found or bought for him.
You sat down on the loveseat, worn out and slightly sunken from all these years of recuperation. Josh planted himself in front of the vanity and wiped away the silver glitter from his eyes and cheeks. Without it, he looked just as beautiful, perhaps even more so, and you became dazed as you watched him.
He noticed. He caught your eye in the mirror and a little smile curved his lips, sort of shy, actually, which was strange. It made the love in your heart spark so viscerally, like there were tiny firecrackers bursting in your chest.
“What’s it like to be so beautiful?” you asked without thinking. But you’d called him beautiful so many times. If only he knew how profoundly you meant it.
He turned around in the chair, propped his arms up on the back, and said, “You tell me.”
Looking past him, you studied your own reflection in the mirror. You were beautiful,
yes–you knew that, but it had become harder to feel that way over time. It should have been the opposite, you supposed, being put on display for thousands almost every night for years. If you weren’t beautiful, you wouldn’t impress people as much as you did. You probably wouldn’t be under the peppermint swirled tent.
But even being beautiful, Josh still didn’t want you in the way you wanted him. The weight of that perpetual knowledge was especially heavy tonight. You just wanted to get out of there, leave the circus behind, and you wanted to take Josh with you even if you remained only friends. His friendship was more valuable than any amount of applause or money or accolades, and maybe you could handle the dismal dashed dreams of romance better if you didn’t have to see him sparkle so vividly for everyone but you night after night.
He noticed your blue mood. He abandoned the vanity and sat down next to you, the loveseat forcing your bodies to meet, and in such a kind tone that the firecrackers in your chest burn, asked, “What’s wrong?”
What should you say first? Should you tell him you were drained and wanted to get out of here to start new lives? Or should you be even braver and say the other thing you’d kept to yourself all this time? Either way, you’d be met with rejection, but it was all eating away at you. You couldn’t lie. You didn’t want to lie no matter how much the result of honesty would hurt.
You said what you’d said so many times before that it also wasn’t news, but it was different this time. With your eyes cast down to the floor, your voice was forlorn, almost desperate: “I love you, Josh.”
For a moment that seemed to stretch into infinity, he didn’t move and didn’t say anything. This was it, you thought–you ruined it. Things would never be the same and now you’d have to leave the circus, but you’d have to leave alone.
But then Josh turned your face to his and inched even closer. Now it was slow-motion; you had enough time to look into his eyes, his irises swirling with their own nebulae, his dilating pupils shining with stars, and for your heart to beat fast with its last bit of hope. It wasn’t like him to be quiet, and the persistent silence prompted a feeling of doom, but instead of using his mouth to speak, he pressed it to yours.
Never had such a simple, soft kiss sparked so much emotion inside you. The hope blossomed into a new knowledge; the answer you’d been silently searching and aching for, and propelled you into a high so great that it was as if you had finally beamed up into Josh’s universe once and for all.
“You’re braver than me,” he said when the kiss broke, although your lips were still touching. “I thought about saying it, but I knew if you didn’t feel the same way, I’d fall right off that fucking tightrope.”
A laugh full of relief and shock and adoration burst out of you. You turned your cheek and covered your mouth to stifle it, but he laughed, too. “No, you wouldn’t,” you managed to say after a final giggle. “You’re too brilliant to ever fail.”
“One failure,” he corrected, surprising you even more by climbing on top of you, urging you to lie back and stare in wide-eyed wonder. “I never told you first.” He kissed you again, this time with a little more fervor, his lips parting, and only broke away to add, “We could have been doing this for years.”
Countless fantasies of exactly this had finally come to fruition. You’d always imagined it happening in his dressing room–where else, really?--and you’d always imagined him being like this–bestowing sweet kisses to your lips while his ever exploratory hands wandered your body. Just him touching your waist made you shudder, and your hands on his waist did the same thing, which solidified the truth just as much as both of your proclamations.
His kisses that roamed down to your neck made you dizzy and your body feel more alive than might have ever felt. He was a dream come true–maybe that was a cliche, but it was a fact. You’d given up all hope of ever feeling his body tethered to yours, his lips pressing delightfully fizzy kisses to your neck and his hand drifting down to slip beneath your dress.
“Jesus. This feels like a dream.” You had to say it. It was all too unbelievable, though also undeniable–never in your dreams had it felt this real. His fingers skated over your tights, making the fabric seem to disappear, and then it did for real–he tugged at the waistband and pulled them down enough to touch the inside of your thigh.
“Your costume is a lot easier to get off than mine,” Josh said, leaning back and reaching behind himself. He chuckled and shook his head while blindly grappling with the zipper of his jumpsuit. “For fuck’s sake.”
You sat up to help him out. You’d seen him shirtless before and even regularly got to see the outline of his dick in the skin-tight get-ups, but when he stood up to peel the jumpsuit all the way off, your jaw dropped.
He giggled and gestured at you. “I feel exposed. Your turn.”
It was easier for you to reach back and unzip your own costume. The dress fell away and Josh tugged your tights off, then your underwear, and then he was all over you again, grinding his bare groin against yours. Your arms circled his shoulders, keeping him as close as possible; those soft kisses were quickly replaced by deep, hungry ones, the two of you moaning and breathing hard.
He slipped his hand between your legs, causing sparks to burst there, not just in your heart. It was sort of embarrassing how wet you already were, but it made the slide of two fingers inside you easy, and Josh smiled against your mouth. You knew his expressions so well that you could tell it wasn’t cockiness on his face but pleased relief, the same thing you felt when his cock brushed against your thigh. He was as hard as you were wet, like the years of trepidation keeping the wait almost perpetual had surmounted to a wild need that absolutely had to be fulfilled now.
His fingers pushed in deeper and curled; in tandem with his other hand squeezing your breast, it made you inhale a sharp breath and nip his bottom lip. He giggled, prompting more relief–you’d never want to do anything to even temporarily, mar his beauty, but he was so delectable.
And that declaration slipped from your lips when he gave you a moment to breathe: “I just wanna eat you up.”
To that, he slowly retrieved his fingers, brought them to his mouth and sucked away your slick before he said, “Same here, hot stuff.”
“God, you’re so crazy.” You sat up and eased him onto his back, trading positions. “I love that about you.”
His eyes and his smile were both beaming as you nestled between his thighs, then his lashes fluttered when you wrapped your hand around his cock. His skin was fairer than the rest of his golden body from his hips down to his upper thighs–if nothing else, being a part of a traveling circus afforded you days off in many places filled with sun that graced him with a tan. You kept your other hand on his firm thigh and licked all the way up his length, eyes on him to see his reaction which didn’t disappoint–another flutter of lashes sparkled with remnants of silver glitter and his lips parted as a moan slipped out of him.
It was so instinctive with him. You didn’t even need to think–you just followed your own innate lead and his responses told you exactly what he liked. You flicked the tip of your tongue over the head of his cock and he sighed; you drooled over the head and stroked the spit up and down his shaft and he whimpered, such a sweet sound that a tingle radiated through your entire core.
Deft yet gentle fingers wound in your hair as you began to swallow him. The outline of his dick in all those jumpsuits had given you a preview, sure, but him being hard now and in your mouth was a different story. He was thicker than you’d anticipated, and the first couple inches were already a hefty mouthful. You flattened your tongue as best you could and gave him another stroke as you took a little more of him in; the effort pulled more saliva from the back of your throat, making him so wet that the strokes of your hand coincided with little suction sounds.
His thigh was twitching beneath your hands and his hips were wiggling a bit–very obvious indications that even the slow progression was driving him wild. He brushed his fingers through your hair and moaned your name, and you felt yourself growing even wilder, too.
A dribble of precum coated your tongue. Hungry even for that, you sucked in a sharp breath through your nose and swallowed as much of him as you could, your mouth brushing against your curled fist.
“Oh god. That’s good, babydoll.” Your eyebrows quirked–it wasn’t an unfamiliar pet name, but hearing it spoken so breathlessly as you blew him was new, of course, and what was normally just cute was hot. He chuckled as if he recognized the change himself, lifted his head to gaze down at you and said, “Dare I say I dreamed about this?”
You pulled off to say, “I did, too. It was hard not to with your skimpy little outfits.” He laughed; you smiled and swirled your tongue around the head of his cock, which made his hips jump and thighs tremble.
You were wet; he was wet. You were ready; no doubt he was, too. You gave him one more slow stroke before you straddled his thighs and slid back and forth, sighing at the feeling of his cock sliding through your wet center.
He perked up, hands on your hips. “I don’t think I have any condoms.”
You smiled in appreciation at his offer–always a gentleman, more so than most of the guys in your past, though there had been fewer and fewer over the years. None of your fellow carnies appealed to you–all but one. “That’s okay,” you said with another pass of your hips. “Finally my birth control will pay off.”
His laugh was a sound full of sparkle and it twinkled through your ears. How lovely it was to be able to laugh like you two always had but now like this, together in the most intimate way possible, with the sounds of the carnival far away and the stage lights gone, Josh’s moon flower beauty bathed in the cool glow of the vanity lights instead.
It seemed like you both wanted to take this first time slowly, although given how long it’d taken to get here, you didn’t imagine it would take long to reach the finish line. Josh kept his hands idle on your hips as you sank down at a languid pace, taking steady breaths with each thick, hard inch that filled you and brushed against your slick walls. When you made it all the way down and your thighs connected, you moaned at the bump of the head of his cock deep inside you, then whined when Josh abandoned one of your hips to tease your clit.
Leaning forward allowed you to feel the ridge of his shaft rub your clit, which prompted Josh to bring his hand to the back of your head, reading your mind within. He tangled his fingers in your hair as he beckoned you in for the kisses to begin again, the two of you devouring each other above and below, each pushing and pulling in a seamless way, like all of this really was meant to be, not merely left as a dream.
“You feel fucking wonderful,” he said with his cheek nestled against yours, the words a warm breeze over your ear. His arm around your lower back circled a little tighter, as did his hand in your hair, the light tug making your scalp tingle. Another tug and he eased your head back, his starlit eyes meeting your own. “You’re everything to me.”
“Oh god, so are you,” you managed to say before your eyes shut as Josh bucked his hips, driving himself deeper inside, his cock so warm inside your warm pussy that was still so wet. The push upwards was smooth and easy, and you reciprocated with a grind and a little push backwards, then forward again, moaning at the stimulation to your clit.
Josh, apparently, decided that wasn’t quite enough, though. He snuck a hand between you, fingers stroking your hip before they touched between your spread thighs. He slid his thumb through your own slick and began to circle it over your clit and then you were really tingling and flying high, each deep breath filling your lungs with the air that smelled more like him than the artificial carnival beyond–a little like sweat, a little like something sugary sweet, and the scent became the taste on your lips when he kissed you once more.
Your moans, some wordless and some whispers of his name, were muffled against his mouth as you reached the ultimate height. You could stay up there forever, with your heart racing and Josh’s beautiful face shining in your eyes when they opened again.
The shudder that ran through your body seemed to run through Josh’s, too. His back arched and his hips lifted from the loveseat, pushing in deeper still, then he tucked his face against your chest. His pants warmed your tender skin and his hair tickled your breasts as you held each other and he moaned out his own release and reached his own high, one that superseded even the tightrope he had mastered.
You laid down on top of him, refusing to disconnect at all. Your racing heartbeat had already slowed to a pleasant little thrum, and Josh’s breaths gradually became less ragged and more like satiated sighs. He traced lines and shapes over your back and shoulders–maybe even stars and the moon. Who could know? But the idea of the cosmos being written in ink only he could see urged you to close your eyes and imagine just that.
There was more to the world than a circus tent. There was a whole universe out there waiting, even calling out to the two of you.
“We’ve always said we’re a team,” you said, making the necessary adjustments to prop your chin up on his chest. “We stick together, right?”
Josh’s fervent nod was affirmation enough, but he also said, “Absolutely.”
You were brave before; you could be brave again. “I’ve been wanting to say something else to you, too.” His eyebrows rose slightly and quickly, clearly intrigued. “I don’t want us to be stuck under this tent forever. There’s a lot more we could do. We should see the world, but we should see it on our terms and not have to put on a show to do it.”
The gamble really came down to Josh’s proclivity for showmanship and performance. He likely wouldn’t want to give that up, but you could think of so many other ways he could shine like a star and gleam like the heavens.
“Maybe we should,” he said, expectedly noncommittal–you knew it was a lot to take in and a big decision to make, one that would take longer than a night. But then he sat up and clasped your hands to take you with him. “Damn it, we should, shouldn’t we? After all, we’re adventurers.” He freed one hand to wave around the dressing room, his body lively again. “We’re gentle renegades. We can’t be tied down.”
All true, and the declarations made you laugh. Josh was a free spirit through and through; wherever he went, he’d fly. Wherever you went together, the two of you would soar, maybe even right up to the stars.
"Cheers, guys. Cheers to everyone. I was cautious about this new song, but I have to admit it really sticks in your head and... I like it more and more.
Yes, the week is off to a great start, I'm going to gather my strength because I'll be staying up again Wednesday night hoping for a livestream and, listen, Thursday at midnight sharp, that pretty little song that puts you in such a good mood.
