I'll try to keep this updated as we go and more chapters are posted. My asks are open and I love feedback.
Pretty much all works are 18+ only so if you're just a wee one, shoo.
Mandatory disclaimer: All works are works of fiction, born of my own imagination, and not based in any actual facts or true events. I don't claim to know any of the band members or their families.
Better in the Morning [ON TEMPORARY HIATUS]
Jake Kiszka x f!OC
Better in the Morning Masterlist
Tender [COMPLETE]
Josh Kiszka x male OC
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Right on Time [COMPLETE -- sequel to Tender]
Josh Kiszka x male OC
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Epilogue
Maple (a blurb)
Epilogue Pt. 2
Burnin' Through the Breeze [COMPLETE]
Josh Kiszka x male OC
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
One-shots
The Hurtin' Kind
---Permanently Lonely (sequel to The Hurtin' Kind)
About: Wouldn’t you want a sweet, healing kiss from Josh when you're feeling a little bit low? That’s basically what this is about.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.
Warnings (are spoilers): kissing, french kissing, being outside in the middle of nowhere after dark, friends to friends with benefits, mentions of previous failed relationships, allusions to abusive ex-partners, mood swings, melancholy, mild depression
Nothing can compare to lazy summer evenings spent outside, when every sensory perception instantly soothes the overloaded mind. It’s even better when it’s shared with someone dear. Late picnics, skinny dipping, and all that shit. Just best friends hanging out. You had always loved that for a reason, and it was so much needed lately. The fragrant air of drowsy nature now filled your nostrils and the hum of chirping insects and splashing water seemed magnified tenfold now that everything else calmed down. It always helped to create an illusion that the daily troubles never really mattered.
If only it could last forever.
You and Josh remained lying on the still warm wooden planks of a small pier long after the sun had set. Long after the subsequent indigo-tinted twilight bled to inky black, nearly swallowing everything and heightening all the other senses. Now that the moon was up, you could see again. Not everything, just the necessary outlines of the world around you and the vastness of the sky above, no longer hidden behind the blue veil that hides the whole truth of our existence during waking hours.
Beautiful. Quite humbling, too.
Even though this moment spent together was supposed to be mostly about slowing down, the time was running disagreeably fast all of the sudden. So fast as the revolving Earth that made the surroundings change so rapidly around you. You swore you could feel it when you closed your eyes. The night would soon be over.
Goosebumps appeared on your skin as the evening breeze caressed it. That was a welcome sensation though, making you feel both grounded and disconnected from the mundanity and petty worries of the recent days. Or weeks. No, definitely months.
The sudden silence between the two of you after an evening spent with laughter was welcome as well. It didn’t sever the fragile connection between your mind and his, quite the other way round – it let you pretend that it was and could be perpetual. It also seemingly helped to stretch the remaining time just a little bit.
Well, until Josh broke the silence, because he just couldn’t keep that illusion for long. Bless him; his voice IS beautiful, but silence is bliss as well sometimes…
“This is fun. We should do it more often.”
You looked sideways at Josh, who still had his eyes fixed on the stars above. Deep down, you wholeheartedly agreed, and yet your only reaction to that was a slightly aggravated sigh.
It was fun… or could have been, if your self-sabotaging thoughts hadn’t been getting in the way despite your best efforts, making other less desirable feelings keep creeping back to the surface of your mind the moment he said that aloud. Partly because Josh kept saying that so often that it turned to a meaningless phrase, even though you somehow knew he really meant it this time because it sounded more subdued than usual. More natural and honest. More… repentant. It was meant for your ears only, which felt comforting. The only problem being that he just addressed the core of the problem. It doesn't happen very often anymore. That was the other reason.
You should have been content with what you got, but the sudden overload of feel-good, albeit bittersweet, and the awareness of how fleeting it could really be just made you greedy. Josh had always been one of those few dear people, but always drifting away. It only got worse with time.
He didn’t respond right away, giving you the opportunity to watch the outline of his profile for several more seconds. You knew he knew it was simply something you enjoyed doing, just like you liked looking at flowers in bloom or watching the birds nesting on a tree outside your childhood bedroom every time you went to visit your old man.
Josh was pretty, and pretty things are meant to be looked at, if only to forget the bad ones.
It was a simple matter of balance. Just adding some colors to the everyday mundane black&white bullshit. Not everything was bad. Definitely not.
Lying on that wooden pier and watching the night sky was definitely not a bad thing to do. It could easily make the peak of your year so far.
Which was kind of sad.
“You disagree…,” he finally broke the silence and looked at you, startling you a little bit. You could barely make out the features of his face in the near darkness, but the dark eyes stood out anyway. Like two onyx pebbles.
It was a simple statement, because you obviously did disagree… with something. Something in between the lines. He could have chosen to disregard it, and you wouldn’t really mind it that much.
However, it still kept hanging out in the air like a question that really should get answered and elaborated on. And despite knowing that he kept waiting for it, you just sighed again and looked back up at the starry sky. It was both stubborn and childish, you thought, inadvertently turning it into something much bigger than it really was… but you couldn’t help it.
“Y/N…”
“We really should. Do this more often, I mean. The problem is that we just don’t,” you finally mustered enough courage to say. “I miss the old days when, even though you were often away, you never forgot to call when you were not…”
It definitely sounded like an accusation, and while you really hadn’t wanted to ruin the moment with anything like that, the fact that it finally passed through your lips like a breath that had been held for way too long made you feel a little bit lighter.
Back in the day, you had never feared to be open and sincere in Josh’s company, which is exactly what had made those shared moments so priceless. And so missed. ‘I’m your willow tree,’ he once said. ‘Lie down in the shade, let it out and lay it on me.’
And you always reciprocated… until you started to feel like he didn’t need it anymore, finally content with himself and inadvertently drifting away from you and your moody blue. Seeking new people who were outwardly a bit more fun. Or so it seemed.
That’s just life, you kept telling yourself. Even the best friendships have expiration dates. True, some can last a lifetime, but that’s rare.
Josh shifted a little beside you, though he still remained lying on his back. “I know. But you said that yourself. We got ‘life to live, dicks to cherish…’”
Yeah, you had said that before, and it seemed only natural that he’d use it in his defense.
And to be fair, it wasn’t Josh’s fault that while he had been making the best of both, your life had started to revolve around the same gray spot and your cherished dick and the person attached to it turned out to be a complete asshole.
You took a deep breath. The air was just as fragrant as it had been the moment before, the wooden planks you lay on still held the warmth of the sunny day that had just passed, and the stars above still looked blissfully indifferent, but the atmosphere had already changed.
Josh propped himself on his elbow and looked down at you. “But I’m here now and you look sad. So lay it on me.”
You dared to look up into Josh’s eyes again as he remained hovering above you. There were no sunrays to shelter your sight from anymore, but it never mattered anyway, because Josh himself was like sunshine. Your personal sunshine, in spite of all his flaws and all the other things that irritated you sometimes. People don’t have to be perfect to become that important to someone else. Imperfections only make life interesting and colorful.
It made you wonder whether he could also see you as interesting… or just annoying.
“I’m fine.”
Now it was his time to let out an annoyed huff. “I can literally hear the cogwheels of your mind spinning. You seem a bit off, so stop insulting me by thinking I haven’t noticed. You don’t fool me.”
“It’s really nothing serious.”
“Liar.”
Josh raised one eyebrow and his face looked eerie in the near darkness. As if he really could see right through you. You’d almost laugh, if it wasn’t for that hollow feeling at the pit of your stomach that you hated but couldn’t get rid of. “This is unsettling, Josh. You’re making me nervous.”
“Fine.” He lay back down next to you, only a little bit closer this time, with your shoulders now touching. Like two kittens seeking physical proximity for the sake of comfort. You knew Josh knew it comforted you. “Now spill.”
Fine… “I’m heartbroken, kiss-starved, and maybe just a little bit unhappy with life in general… I guess.”
“That does sound serious.”
So did Josh’s voice all of the sudden, his tone low and soothing. Almost balmy… and adjusted once again perfectly just for your ears and soul. That man operated like he ate empathy for breakfast in copious amounts, mixed with his granola. While fun and unserious by default, he could switch off the joviality and attune to the other person within a second if necessary.
However, for some unknown reason, it made you feel guilty… and also wondering whether it really was a necessary change. You had been looking forward to spending some quality time with the bubbly version of him since the moment he had suggested this night picnic. The last thing you wanted now was to ruin the moment with your lamentations.
“Maybe a bit over-dramatic as well. I just can’t help it.”
You could feel Josh’s fingers brush over the back of your hand before he took it in his, squeezing it gently. It was a pretty straightforward reassuring gesture. Like no, you’re not and I get ya.
“You should have called me, ya know?”
That actually made you laugh. “Because you’re notoriously well-known for answering your phone.” There was no bitterness in that statement this time, and you knew he knew, because he chuckled too.
“Point taken.”
Silence fell in between the two of you again, and this time it held a notable amount of weight, indicating the discussion wasn’t yet completely over. Josh wanted to hear more, he just let the minutes stretch – something he was rarely capable of doing. You knew it meant he was doing his best to let you sort out your thoughts so that you could chew them up and spit them out like bitter bite. He of all people knew how hard it was to do that sometimes.
And so you told him. About all those late nights spent wondering whether it was really your fault that he didn’t come home again. About all those breakdowns when you ended up crouching on the floor, sobbing. And he didn’t seem to care. Sometimes he even laughed. About the job promotion and the subsequent celebration that ended up with spilled wine on the table. In a restaurant. In front of all those people. And he didn’t care that it made you cry. He only cared what all those people would think of him.
“Prick.”
The way it escaped Josh’s lips made the word sound like a cracker. And that was pretty symbolic too, because even though those memories still left a bitter taste in your mouth, you could finally feel he no longer had any power over you. It turned out that telling Josh all about it was the last step you needed to take to be able to seal it.
The air that filled your lungs with the next inhale felt so much lighter.
“Yeah, no shit, he was. Is… as far as I know. The good thing is that I don’t love him anymore. Took me a while, but I feel like I’m finally free. Not exactly happy, just able to breathe again.”
“So you’re not heartbroken anymore…”
It took you by surprise, wondering what he was getting at. It could have been easily interpreted as a dismissive statement, but Josh knew you knew that wasn’t the case. And he was still holding your hand, just in case. Acknowledge it, then let it go.
“No… I guess not. But… now it just feels empty.”
“Yeah, I fuckin’ know the feeling.”
You had heard that choked-out tone several times already, including your last genuine conversation a couple years ago when you had opened your arms and let Josh fall in your embrace. A lot had changed since then, including the two of you. It felt like a lifetime ago now, and yet both of you still seemed to remember the earlier versions of you. That was comforting. “But it’s only temporary, right?” you whispered.
“Yeah… that..the..it’s temporary. Life will always give you new opportunities to fill it with something or someone new. Ya just have to keep your eyes open. And the…the heart. I truly believe that.”
Of course he did. Josh always had his pockets full of such pearls of wisdom and there were times when it all seemed way too optimistic, almost annoyingly so, but now you desperately wanted to believe it too. “Thank you. I think I really needed to hear that. This way of thinking is rare these days.”
“Glad to be of service.” You could feel those words as clearly as you heard them when a sudden waft of warm air swept over your left ear, and with it a more internal sensation that ran deeper. The sky above looked so vast and cold in contrast to the imaginary protective dome of your little personal world. Within it, the heat emanating from Josh’s body kept you warm and safe, his hand still held yours firmly. And now, his hot breath on your neck made your skin tingle. He was no doubt looking at you from up close, which was suddenly slightly unnerving, but you tried not to think about it. Not even when he spoke again: “Now about that other thing you mentioned… maybe I could help with that too… if you wanted me to.”
The other thing I mentioned… You still sensed his eyes on you, with your own sight fixed on the North Star. The following seconds stretched, and the thoughts you filled them with meant nothing, until it finally dawned on you. You quickly disentangled your fingers and sat up perhaps a bit too abruptly, turning around to look down at him in disbelief.
Josh seemed unfazed, with his other arm folded under his head and a wicked side smile on his face. You knew he knew what caused your sudden reaction, but you asked anyway, just to be a hundred percent sure.
“What? You wanna kiss me? Are you crazy?”
“Well, yes, darling. You know I am. And yeah, I think it’s only logical that I should do that. You’re kiss-starved, I got lips…”
He sure did… now insolently pouting at you to accentuate both his point and the body parts in question. As if they needed accentuating. “That’s not… I meant from… by… someone who loves me!”
Josh pressed his right hand to his chest in (hopefully) mock offense. “And I don’t?”
“No…” He looked genuinely stunned, which only made your stuttering worse: “No… I mean, yes…? Oh come on, you know what I mean!”
The truth is that the idea made your heart beat fast while your brain got flooded with conflicting thoughts. It was objectively a bad idea, but alas, wrongdoing makes things exciting, and your bodily reaction betrayed you, leaving you momentarily stupefied by thrill and embarrassment. You barely noticed Josh lifted himself up and was now kneeling in front of you, studying your face illuminated just by the silver moonlight. He took your hand in his again. It was a light, gentle touch. Friendly enough to feel safe, but also very tender. You had always wondered how he did that. A true non-verbal poet.
“So you don’t wanna? It-t…is ok. I just t-”
“Maybe I do,” you whispered. “But… how?”
It was such a stupid question that you immediately expected him to come up with another cheeky remark, but instead Josh just cupped your cheeks with both hands, virtually sealing the deal. You really wanted to touch him back, but your own hands started to tremble. It was all happening so fast and you desperately wanted to just feel – a luxury you had been denying yourself for quite a while. “However you want,” he mumbled back.
One last thought escaped the back of your mind like a stinky fart. “I don’t want a favor.” You regretted those words immediately, mortified by what you instantly imagined would be his reaction...
“Tsk! Stop insulting my amorous skill.”
Such relief!
Laughing with your face still squeezed in between Josh’s palms was a little bit awkward, no doubt. There was absolutely nothing amorous about it. And yet your heart swelled when he smiled back and booped your nose. Josh had always had this habit of blurring the lines between friendzone and more dangerous territories. Long hugs, fleeting touches, he had even kissed your hair once or twice. You were no stranger to his body heat or scent.
Some people often found it shocking, confusing or intrusive, but those who knew him soon got used to it. So, the truth is that it wasn’t his proposal that shocked you; your own reaction to it did. And as if he could read your mind again, Josh continued: “Besides, you don’t love love me either, but your cheeks are burnin’.”
He was right. You had been hoping he wouldn’t notice how that offer affected you both physically and emotionally, but… this was Josh. That man just always knew. That’s why you valued his friendship so much.
A lot could go wrong. However, the thought got more and more blurry with each passing second and he even licked his lower lip to make things worse.
The wind rose, ruffling Josh’s dishevelled curls. The time seemed to slow down to a near stop as you watched how the moon sprinkled his hair with white sparkles the same way its light bounced off the water ripples behind him. It took some effort to look into his eyes this time, but it was necessary. Josh held your gaze in silence, waiting for the final nod, until your view got partially obscured by your own unruly strands.
Nature surely begged you to be reckless for a change. Who were you to question it?
Your body fell forward, unthinking. Your hands moved on their own when they slid down Josh’s shoulders as your lips finally met in a soft, innocent and lingering kiss.
It felt like falling on downy cushions when sleep finally claims your stinging eyes. Like staring into a fireplace when there’s nowhere to rush to. Like a soft, warm hug after a dreadful day. That special kind of calm is hard to reach and when it happens the body feels weightless. The mind floats, eyes weep, heart overflows.
Josh’s plump lips moved gently, brushing over yours. You could feel him breathing; and each soft, barely perceptible exhale was like a silent word.
You.
For you.
Let…
It…
Go…
If only it could last forever. But it was you who broke that kiss when the tip of Josh’s tongue lightly touched your upper lip. Whether it was intentional or not, it opened a door you had been afraid to step through.
And yet you desperately wanted to, fully aware that no new world awaited there. No alternate reality that would change the course of your life. He didn’t belong in it like that. There was no mutual journey to take. Just one dizzying ride.
“Sorry,” he muttered while his fingertips slid gently down your arm.
“You can’t be apologizing for something I’m thankful for.” Before Josh could respond, you pulled him closer in a tight hug. The closeness healed you. Was it laced with excitement? Oh, yes, even though it remained resting within your ribcage. That’s how you finally knew this was safe. It lacked the gut-wrenching feeling of true arousal, but the emotional waves hit you like breakers. That’s what you so desperately needed and what he wanted to give. It would not change your shared tomorrows, but it could brighten yours with sunshine. “Please, kiss me some more.”
Josh’s cheek brushed against yours as he pulled away ever so slightly, first to look at you, then to close the gap between you again. You parted your lips in anticipation, welcoming the new sensation as the kiss deepened.
It was slow. Like swaying on a porch swing during summer rain. It was that special kind of intimacy you had been lacking and craving so desperately.
Josh cupped the back of your skull gently in his hand as he licked into your mouth, making you feel delightfully lightheaded. You dared to run your palms up his back, feeling every muscle under the cotton shirt. Josh knew how much you loved having your hair stroked, and he ran his fingers gently through it, slowly massaging your scalp while your shared breath grew heavier. You melted into the touch, trying to engrave every detail in your memory, because this was love in one of its purest forms.
“This was fun! We should do it more often,” he said when your lips finally parted and you let out a contented sigh.
And you laughed.
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