me trying to explain to my psychologist why i was admitted to the psych ward for a whole month:
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@kaushiikii
me trying to explain to my psychologist why i was admitted to the psych ward for a whole month:
it's easy to boycott many products and services if you don't have money for them in the first place
patting myself on the back for making it through another day of not purchasing a Tesla because of my strong ideological commitments
(via typography)
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if i don’t bully you at least a little then i don’t love you enough tbh
see, the funny thing about BPD is, i'm trying my absolute hardest everyday to heal and be aware of my emotions and how they affect me and others. but even so, i will always fuck up, and get harshly blamed for being too much for others to handle. i will get called toxic or abusive for struggling to keep my sadness and anxiety and emotional distance in check. i will be trying my hardest to be healthy and get better and cope, but there will always be this blame shifted onto me for not knowing how to do things the way i'm supposed to. it is my responsibility to heal and better myself, but it isn't my fault i've been made the way i am. i'm trying, i'm trying every single day, to fix myself. i know it's no one's job but my own, but it still winds up aching inside when i remember how every person i have gotten close to has in some way or another abandoned me and told me it makes sense why nobody stays around me. and that's why i choose not to get close to anyone, but unfortunately i wind up doing it anyways, and i get hurt in the end. i'm such a severe major red flag that even my own mother decided when i was a child that she couldn't love me like a normal kid or parent me like a normal parent should. it's entirely up to me to heal, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt when the people i trust inevitably get tired of me. i'm scared of being abandoned.
Having BPD feels like a death sentence. Not the actual thing but having it feels like it everyday.
I’m sooo strong and masculine my arm doesn’t even shake when I’m holding a pot over the sink while I fill it up with water (lying)
i think about this one so fucking often i had to clip it
Oh my god I got an email from staff
The worse thing about splitting is that once i hate someone i feel like an idiot for ever liking them in the first place because they are this horrible person and then once i'm back to idealizing and loving them again i feel guilty for ever thinking anything negative about them because they are literally perfect and this is a never ending cycle
I was being haunted by a demon and naturally my immediate response was to threaten it Shane Madej style and attempt to fistfight it.
PRINCESS MONONOKE (1997)
basically long distance relationship