urmom

[kay-lawo]

you can’t give people many chances because every time you forgive them, you start loving them a little less.

[kay-lawo]

i don’t know if you’re gonna see this but my heart is hurting more than ever. you just told me that you can’t trust me and that i am toxic to your life and that you’re tired of me. it’s okay i’ve heard that a lot. i’m tired of having to tiptoe around you. i feel like no matter what i do i am constantly walking on eggshells. it’s 5 months in and i am still afraid to love you completely and open up to you. i know that should’ve been one of the first signs that this wasn’t going to work. often times, you make me feel as though i am not enough. and now i’m ready to find new people in my life and most importantly, find love for myself. i thought this would be how we planned but it’s not. i need someone who will love me unconditionally. this is the end, i’m sorry

[kay-lawo]

i don’t know if you’re gonna see this but my heart is hurting more than ever. you just told me that you can’t trust me and that i am toxic to your life and that you’re tired of me. it’s okay i’ve heard that a lot. i’m tired of having to tiptoe around you. i feel like no matter what i do i am constantly walking on eggshells. it’s 5 months in and i am still afraid to love you completely and open up to you. i know that should’ve been one of the first signs that this wasn’t going to work. often times, you make me feel as though i am not enough. and now i’m ready to find new people in my life and most importantly, find love for myself. i thought this would be how we planned but it’s not. i need someone who will love me unconditionally, accept me, and most importantly, trust

me. and this is the end of our journey, i’m sorry.

[kay-lawo]

There are a thousand things I want to say to you. All these thoughts running through my head every time I see you. I know it wouldn’t matter if I did say them, it might change things between us, but not in the way I want. So I change the subject every time the words almost come out. But I want you to know. I want you to know that you’re one of my favorite people in the world. You make me feel safe, like I can trust you, and I don’t trust many people. You give me something worth living for. I could list a hundred cliches that became true when I met you, but I won’t because they’ve all been said before. But know this: You are everything to me. It doesn’t matter that you’ll never feel the same, because you make everything better just by existing. It is enough to be here existing along side of you.

j.p.

[kay-lawo]

“You know what you remind me of?“ “What?” “You remind me of the first fall of rain. You’re unpredictable and free. You’re everything that saved the drought within me.”

from a book I might write by @gimmechickentendies

[kay-lawo]

He is very dreamy,  but he is not the sun."  "You are.

Grey’s anatomy 

[kay-lawo]

Dear Theodore,  I'm hoping you can forgive me Because I. Am a realist. Forever angry at my feelings Simply because they exist  So when we are in the back of my friends sprinting car And my roaming hands are feeling the uneven beat of your racing heart And I might pull away, because I caught that look on your face. That look that your soul has planted tall trees that grow Up to the sky Branches as strong as the hope for a future between you and I These trees I have grown to despise Because they are dark brown, like the bark holding the tree up to the sky  But to say that I despise them is just an idiotic disguise then to hide the fact that I Am in love with them And you I love it all I love the leaves that descend in the fall After a summer well spent So I can pick up leaves and turn them over to read stories of the memories we’ve left Like the time we laid in the church parking lot Our only company the black pavement under silent stars Or the time we were in the back of my friends sprinting car The outside world running fast Your gaze following me slow You looked at me Eyes filled with emerald leaves That grow on the ends of hopeful trees A shadow falls through the back window Allowing only a portion of my face to show Thist makes the gold in my dark brown eyes glow and this drives your racing heart mad but I pretend I do not know But I know what you are thinking I know that you are dreaming The side smile that fights to stay mild makes it obvious Watching me a face warm with bliss you will utter the familiar words that you will remember this. Building memories is a dangerous seed Because once planted it never leaves Roots grow further into once lifeless dirt and if those roots continue to grow and if one day they are ripped up goddamn will it hurt with every new experience I watch our precious roots extend All I can hope is I’ll never see their ends Because I need you like the roots need water I need you like the trees need to sun to grow taller I need you, and sometimes that's too much to bare I need you and that leaves me fucking scared because I cannot stop the persistent thought that one day our trees will be gone - chopped but the roots will remain Left to soak up tears that dropped in a moment's pain Oh the roots will remain Leaving me with vibrant feelings that I will never feel the same. I hope you’ll remember that I am a realist forever angry at my own feelings because I know i'm going to remember this and Im scared one day it's going to break me So if this all falls apart, I am hoping you can forgive me.

my 3am poems