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@kaygamr
Have you no idea that you're in deep? I dreamt about you nearly every night this week How many secrets can you keep? 'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat Until I fall asleep Spilling drinks on my settee
Happy Birthday kaygamr!
YOU REALLY THINK A FUCKIN PANCAKE IS GONNA FIX THIS HEATHER
don’t u try and lie to me and say u don’t like one of your pillows more than the others
i havent eaten an apple in days. the doctors are closing in. my barricade wont last much longer. theyre coming. tell my family i love them
You don’t choose the band member, the band member chooses you
Someone on facebook just updated their status in all caps going crazy at their dad and first I thought it was just a typical teenage girl hating her parents but then she said her father murdered her mother and then things just got really serious and I’m shocked wow, I wonder if this is a just a frape in poor taste
…. um. so turns out it was real. here’s the news story. wow.
So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.
OMG ITS BACK
This shit needs to be published.
This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.
this is what it’s like being at school way later than usual
this might be my favorite post on tumblr ever
THAT FUCKING FACE
i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed
a dentist
i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police
"ummmmm ur bra strap is showing :/ "
i thought this was me at first and i was really confused
omg hi
WE’RE MULTIPLYING
uhhhhhhh
thIS WAS A POST ABOUT BRA STRAPS
HOLY SHIT I WAS AWAY FOR AGES
imagine bumping into 2007 you at the mall
do you ever like a celebrity so much you actually get jealous when other people say they like them
This is an old family picture.
My family does not support my being in the LGBTQIA community. They actually are opposed to it. They tell me every day that its disgusting and that it’s sinful and I’ll go to hell for liking women. I moved out when I was seventeen, and in January I moved back in with them because I couldn’t handle everything that was going on. Every day one of my five siblings tells me to go back to Minnesota. My little brother Charlie (the black baby in the picture) is now 8 and he constantly physically attacks me and tells me that I’m not his sister and to leave. My other siblings make it very obvious and clear that they don’t want me here and my parents tell me constantly that they’re gonna kick me out soon. I’ve been saving every penny for a bus ticket to Oregon to stay with my best friend and today I found this picture in my sisters’ room ON DISPLAY. Not hidden. On display. They cut my face out of the picture.
And that… That was just the last straw. I don’t care if anyone reblogs this or whatever, I don’t wanna get popular, I just want people to know that this is not what a family looks like. This is not something people should have to go through.
This is no life.
a true story of the traumatic real life situations a gay person faces
