kayla depuit

[kayladepuit]

What is Healing? - Teal Swan -

What is Healing? Teal begins the video asking the question What is Healing? Healing is most simply put, the opposite vibration of what ails you. Everything a...

[kayladepuit]

Let’s begin with that I’m struggling to trust myself and feel safe lately. I feel so fragile in the midst of the intensity and feel immense pressure to be strong to get through it. An anxiety overwhelms me and is inhibiting my mind of peace. Faced with what feels like tremendous decisions, I’m coming to realize that a commitment to happiness and my own curiousity is going to require sacrifices and stepping outside my comfort zone. I’m someone who deeply attaches herself to people, places and beliefs. There is no fault in loyalty except when it becomes an excuse against development. I’ve needed to grow for a long time now and discover who I am while living each moment with openness. Walls set in the foundation of a despairing adolescence have obstructed my sight of the light in life. It’s only when we open fully to the pain supporting these walls, and the discomfort that comes with it, that we can open fully to what is desired. I’ve tried to hold an image of all that I desire - my end goal - in my minds eye but I have failed. I can’t hold on to even the feeling long enough to engage it’s creation. It then becomes clear that we only have this moment here and now and we can’t know everything the future holds. This body, the inhale, the exhale, and any thoughts with it.  Despair, anxiety, deep rooted depression, loneliness, frustration, sadness have all come to meet me lately. I’m struggling. I find myself having to acknowledge thoughts such as “I don’t know what I’m doing”, “I don’t know what I want” or “I’m scared” and sit with the emotions they inspire. A gap in thought then allows my higher self to gently interject, “I trust my path”, “I believe in you”, or “just breathe”. Coming to trust myself with my own feelings of safety have taken years to develop but I have to be honest, I still feel afraid of when I’m low - the thoughts I think, the anger directed toward myself, the behaviour that causes me pain. I know my life needs to change and that something so much deeper than I perceive is leading me. I question myself. I doubt my potential. But there is something within me that I pledged unwavering faith to at birth. I choose to breathe life. I choose to love life. I choose to love. I choose to live.  My reality has shifted and it all looks and feels strange. I’m resistant to letting go of what used to give me comfort but now causes me pain. I can see my patterns of withdrawal are an effort to hide from insecurity, I see myself using food as comfort to dull feelings I’ve been afraid of totally accepting, I see myself wanting something different but resistant to let go of what is. I want freedom and adventure while wanting known security and the familiar. Aspects of myself at odds with one another. I’m adding pieces of a new life to my daily routine and it’s throwing me with it’s unfamiliarity. And right now, I honestly don’t have a a pretty way to tie that up into something inspiring or anything but what it is - uncomfortable. I feel lost and alone and so badly want someone to hold me and tell me it’s all going to be okay and with that, I know that that is what I need to cultivate within myself. The task at hand is for my mind to weave, with words of loving kindness, a home for my heart and soul. And so I sit in stillness. I listen to each thought. I create new ones. I sink in to my body, through the resistance, through the shame, through the guilt, through the fear and just be with it. I judge it at first, harshly. But then a breeze brushes my skin and I can feel the child within. It’s my heart showing the way by means of it’s own delight.  https://soundcloud.com/sumtotal/back-n-forth-feat-mel

[kayladepuit]

Tuesday 7/11/2017 Today I answer to consciousness. Today I bow into divine essence.  Today I trust my body. Today I cleanse my mind. Today I embody spirit.  Today I forgive the past. Today I nourish unconditionally. Today I listen closely.  Today I surrender to infinite. Today I love deeper. Today I return. Today everything changes.  Photography by Yanire Fernandez

[bymessy]

This is an excerpt from the Sharing Your Creative Ideas PDF. This guide is a candid and honest approach to sharing your creative ideas. The creator of The Messy Heads, Emma, shares her journey to becoming an artist, working through creative blocks, how to monetize your passions, how to communicate your artistic visions to others, and most importantly, how to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

________________

Remember that creativity is like a muscle. You have to exercise it and challenge yourself to push past your own boundaries, and rules. Being creative is literally just breaking rules and looking at things differently.

The following exercises can help push you out of your comfort zone and jog your creative brain. Try to pick one to do this week!

JOURNALS

This is the best way to keep a creative process alive and thriving. Keep a journal that you secretly vow to yourself you will not share with anyone and just see what comes of it. I feel so much pressure is alleviated when I’m like, hey, no one has to see this and you can start creating what you LIKE and what make you happy. It’s not going to be instinctual because a lot of our lives we are taught that success is in other’s approval. Start this as an exercise and see what you are really inspired by. Here are some links of journaling prompts to get you started

30 days / 30 more days / 30 MORE days / 30 MORE days .

PASSIVE ABSORPTION

Go to a busy location with a lot of people. Maybe a park, cafe, or street corner. Find a spot to sit for at least three hours. Simply observe life moving around you and try to not put any definition or explanation on to anything, just soak up all of the sensory data available to you. After you return home, write free flowing about your experiences without attention to sentence structure, storytelling, or any goal. Just write passively, in the same manner in which you just observed the world.

COLLABORATIONS

Call up a friend and schedule out a chunk of time that you can work together on a project. Gather your supplies, and make it light hearted. Maybe you are writing a children’s book together, or directing a funny short film. Either way, make it a no-pressure situation and make it fun. While working with someone you will learn about your strengths and weaknesses and how to better communicate your random, abstract, creative ideas.

ART STORE

Give yourself a low budget, maybe $5-10 and head to your local art store. Roam through the aisles and see what materials are speaking to you. Purchase and go home and create. Repeat endlessly until you have pom pom flowers, glittery heart cards, clay animals, beaded necklaces, and origami littering your room. This exercise taps you into a childlike state of creativity.

POETRY

Pick a subject that is vague, like the ocean, a cup of coffee, or a sunrise. Write as many poems about your chosen topic that embody a different mood or emotion: happiness, sorrow, loss, desire, etc. This will get you thinking about how many different versions of something exist. Star your favorite poem at the end of the exercise and see what it says about your current state of mind.

IMPROMPTU SONG WRITING

If you play an instrument, pick a simple three chord progression so that you can play mindlessly. If you don’t, that’s fine! You can still sing to yourself or pick some background music. Write down three random words on a piece of paper or have a friend give you three random words. Example: Marmalade, Black, and Parakeet. Your challenge is to now make a song with these three words. This exercise is SO fun to do back and forth with other people and helps you to trust your gut instinct and come up with ideas, rhymes, and melody on the spot. Plus singing in general can be embarrassing so it has helped me get over any judgment I might put on myself.

COLOR

Limit yourself to one or two colors and draw everything with that color that you see today. If you pick purple for example, draw plants, street signs, faces, food, and everything else in purple.

FILMING

Take small video clips throughout your day and find the common thread between them all. You don’t have to edit it, but seeing what you notice about motion in the world is such a great exercise.

COOKING

Find a random recipe and cook it. A cuisine you have never tried, something you always told yourself was too hard to make. Or, go to the grocery store and find three random ingredients and try to combine them.

FILL-IN

This is an exercise you do with a partner. You can choose any medium: painting, writing, drawing, sewing, whatever. Pick your medium. One of you starts and works on it for 15 minutes, then passes it back to the other. The goal of this exercise is to practice not defining how your work will turn out and also how to reevaluate your ideas once they are changed in some way.

MONOLOGUE

Find a monologue online and practice it. Actors are amazing at digging deep in their emotions and pulling out new experiences. Find a piece that you maybe don’t relate to at all on an initial read and then see how your understanding improves after you study and practice it.

ONE PAINTING

Go to an art gallery or museum and only choose ONE piece to look at. Bring your journal and sit in front of this piece for at least 15 minutes with no writing, just observing. Think about the context of the piece, the way the artist might have created it, and what it might mean to them. Ask yourself endless questions and see what you gather about yourself as an artist.

ONE SONG

Start to pick up on the nuances of the lyrics and layers of music. Try to pick out a different instrument every time or background vocals you didn’t hear. Listen once thinking only about emotion in an abstract sense. Listen in a technical way. This is a great excercise to get you critically thinking about different aspects of art.

STYLING

Find the item in your wardrobe you keep around even though you never wear it and make an outfit you love out of it. Reevaluating what makes you feel good, what defines you, and how to work with something that might make you uncomfortable.

[astrolocherry]

*Look at the Moon sign too!

Aries child: They need fair and respectful boundaries. They don’t have good risk/danger comprehension so they need some form of limitation. But overbearing restriction, confinement, and grounding will cause them to rebel more and push to dangerous extreme. They need a lot of encouragement and support, they absolutely want you to be watching when they do master a new skill 

Taurus child: They need plenty of fresh air and outdoor time. They need to get their feet dirty, play with the sand, smell the flowers, and feel the sun. They also need a lot of tactile activity like fluffy blankies, soft throws, and textural toys. They really enjoy cooking, drawing, dress ups, and gardening with mum and dad. They also love to be sung to. Sing and dance with them as much as you can, they love hearing the sound of their own voice 

Gemini child: It’s important that they are read to, taught, and listened to. Parents are their teachers. Talk to them like you talk to your friends, and always invite their input into the conversation. They love to hear your voice and their own. They need to keep their hands busy so they need fidget toys. And be prepared with your trivial knowledge. Their favourite word will be ‘why?’, and they will be very dissatisfied with “I don’t know”

Cancer child: They need to be reminded that they are welcomed, loved, safe, and will not be left. A tranquil and validating domestic life is very important. These kids will feel like ‘running away’ when there is conflict or chaos. They will be very attached to their comforts like security blankets, bottles, dummies, and drink a lot of milk. They love to be read to 

Leo child: Never miss their school concert, recital, sport’s game, or whatever. They need plenty of validation, affection, praise, and recognition. If criticism is cruel and not constructive, it will haunt them through complexes for the rest of their life. They are more sensitive than they seem, and they may be very attached to mother figures. They need a lot of creative and social activity

Virgo child: Sometimes these children don’t feel safe or wanted. It’s important that they are reminded of their importance. Regularity and routine keeps them feeling secure and stable. They don’t like abrupt changes. They are more sensitive than they seem and they think that their own problems aren’t important enough to ask for help. They can be very picky eaters  

Libra child: They are little dreamers, it helps to inspire their intellect. Encourage them to make decisions, like give them the choice of outfit or hairstyle. These children love to be read to. Treat them like the little Princess or Prince they are, then when true, deserving, and worthy love comes they know they are important enough to accept it. If you are angry at them, their whole day will be grey

Scorpio child: They often spend a lot of time in their rooms. They love games like peek-a-boo or hide-and-seek and the concept of appear and disappear. Keeping secrets from these children is futile, they know everything that is going on even if you try to speak in code or facial expressions. They need to know that their sensitivity and emotions are valid, okay, and nothing to be ashamed of

Sagittarius child: They are easily stir-crazy so they need a lot of adventure, movement, play, and fresh air. They need a lot of running around, they need to tire their legs out. Severe regulation or restriction will make them aggressive. Dogs can be really good companions for these kids. It will be their best friend

Capricorn child: Who is the adult here? Sometimes having a Capricorn child can feel like this. They prematurely worry about things beyond their control. They need to be reminded that they are safe, that they are being looked after, and they won’t be abandoned for failure. They respond better when they are spoken to like adults, and they need a lot of validation, they need to know that their feelings are okay and worthy of being soothed

Aquarius child: If you can’t find them, they are exploring time and space. The Aquarius mind needs autonomy to blossom its unique genius. They are soothed by music and they love to dance. It’s easy for them to make friends, but it can be harder to find a ‘best friend’. They need to be reminded that they are accepted and loved for the person they are 

Pisces child: They live in two worlds, they have a great imagination and they love to be read to. They can be easily overwhelmed by loud noise and stimulus, so they need a lot of quiet and nap time. They are very in tune with the parent’s moods so it’s hard to hide when you are crying or upset, but it lets them know that they are not alone in their emotion and it’s okay to express these. They are natural water babies, but without early desensitisation they may be extremely scared of the bath, shower, or swimming lessons 

-C.

[kayladepuit]

The Deadspace

Pluto in the 1st: Can feel like they don't exist at all, like the self is inactivated and unconscious. The individual can repeatedly question why they were born at all

Pluto in the 2nd: It can seem like they don't truly touch anything, and nothing ever leaves them satisfied. Money can be equivocal to power. The voice can be too quiet

Pluto in the 3rd: The mind can feel paralysed and the immediate environment can seem forbidding. The first instinct can be to calculate potential danger and threat

Pluto in the 4th: Possibly feeling like the 'black sheep' of the family generated from the sense of being unwanted, as a result, they don't want to know themselves

Pluto in the 5th: They can feel caged inside their own bodies and chains of self-negativity, it can obstruct the flow of free and spontaneous creative self expression

Pluto in the 6th: There can be troubles with dexterity, maintaining routine, trouble maintaining employment, and compulsive rituals possibly relating to eating and health regimes that are self destructive and can become matters of life and death

Pluto in the 7th: The natural attraction to intense spirit can bring forth demanding, controlling, or belittling partners, it's possible to live a lifetime in somebody's shadow

Pluto in the 8th: Everybody can be guilty of willing their demise or destruction until proved innocent. Unity of souls is most active with Pluto in the 8th, but it's impossible to conjure without deep trust

Pluto in the 9th: It's possible for faith, religion, and all matters spiritual to seem threatening and daunting. The person may have grown up with repetitive and sometimes formidable religious teachings. As they grow older they begin to see the deception in these teachings from authority figures. As a result, the individual can doubt and distance themselves from every spiritual or esoteric pursuit

Pluto in the 10th: It's possible for the individual to never feel 'ready' enough. As a child, they may have been conditioned to impress a superior like a parent or institution. It can mean that when they become an adult they are not sure who they must relentlessly impress, and they can become paralysed by choice, fear, or insecurity

Pluto in the 11th: Dreams can be occluded by dark vision, the individual can self destruct when the vision is in sight. They can remain too secretive with friends and trust nobody enough to truly connect

Pluto in the 12th: Sometimes being alone can feel like a child left in the dark. The individual can fear insanity, have troubles with sleeping, or suppress human sensitivity

[kayladepuit]

it’s all too easy to not acknowledge,  no need to go deep.  cuts bleeding,  black pools of mascara, looked at but not seen. pain, a nuisance, a part of me glanced over. “I’m good”, the perfect alibi a cover up for all the lies.  expressions flat,  addictions rampant escape into isolation,  no need for pain. no need for expression. we all end up lonely. suffering. unfulfilled.  this need to be seen, wholly and completely, to see all facets of you unveiled everything, listening, touching, unleashing what lies hidden the shadow within. no longer playing a game of hide and seek no longer hiding from ourselves. 

[kayladepuit]

Where are you? I wonder. What is my siren song, as clear as stars in heaven, the one I sing for you? Come show me your heart and I’ll give you mine hold my heart, hold my soul witness my mind. Hold me in the expanse of it all, this endless beautiful melancholic infinite. Let us be mirrors reflecting the loveliness of one another, let us reflect to each other, what we fear. 

[kayladepuit]

within loving memory

We are never truly prepared for a loved one’s death as much as we’d like to think. Even when we’ve been given a diagnosis to wrap our heads around in the meantime. It’s a false sense, one that appeals to the ego, that there is time to ready ourselves for loss and the grief that follows. In your case Di, I struggled from a place of helplessness as I witnessed my mom try and make sense of losing her dearest friend. I felt the need to be strong and logical despite the overwhelming sadness knowing someone so expressive and dear was losing her physical abilities. Last Christmas, I still hoped it wouldn’t be our last. Year after year, you made Christmas Eve what I looked forward to, and so needed, to simply be in the spirit instead of wrapped up in the stress so common that time of year. A tradition that gave me much needed stability over the years, as I struggled to navigate what it meant to have a separated family. It was a time for laughter, wine and silliness. With you and my mom, growing up, I felt like one of the girls, a lady - even when we would giggle at something naughty. It was with you and her on evenings of such spirited joy I was exposed to classic movies, and my love for Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Audrey Hepburn grew. Every Christmas we were reminded time and time again that no man is a failure who has friends, and it truly is a wonderful life.  As much as I try and feign a stoic state, the grief of you leaving is deeply felt. And though there are many feelings of regret, injustice and judgement I know all that matters is that there was love. And it is with death that this love is much clearer and the force of it quakes our core. You leave me inspired by your artistry and inspired to surround myself with the sparkle and joy of life. Perhaps most importantly, I’m left with the unfaltering desire be true to the love I am worthy of. I find myself often thinking, what would Di advise? For I know that you always had my, and those you held close, their most loving intentions at heart.  In the last stage of this life, you told Helen to treat you like she always had and to think happy thoughts. I am so grateful you held each other in your final hour. It was in your embrace that it became clear to my mom how compassion and love need no voice. That no words are needed to accept and be present for the totality of another’s being. To see their light, that not even human eyes can see, unconditionally.  I promise you Di that I will take care of her. Though the space you hold in our hearts will physically ache to be in your company, I’ll do my best to guide them to happy things. With us, are you always. 

[kayladepuit]

Dear Universe

Dear Universe, 

Let me first preface the following list of desires to express that I have felt your love and presence my entire life. I have no doubt you are woven throughout my entire existence and I’ve recently returned to the awareness of your being within every other form I perceive. I have never felt more full of gratitude basking in the richness of all you embody. I would like to ask you for the following experiences, I want trust I want love I want intuitive connection I want health I want beauty I want radiance I want confidence I want money I want freedom I want adventure I want Kauai I want land ownership I want fruit I want vegetables I want herbs I want plant medicine I want flowers I want rivers I want waterfalls I want mountains I want surfing I want oceans I want inspiration  I want travel I want laughter I want romance I want photography I want joy I want ecstasy  I want learning I want peace I want ease I want passion I want vulnerability  I want artistry I want creative expression I want painting I want music I want channelling I want connections I want relationships I want friendships I want a twin flame I want sex I want healing  I want exploration I want unknown I want service I want dreams I want words I want poetry

I want my existence to serve Gaia I want her as my cradle I want my existence to serve all beings  I want to meet Teal Swan I want to fulfill expansion I want life.

Thank you. With all of my Being. With devotion and love, Yours Always.

[astrolocherry]

⭐ The House of your Sun: Where you radiate your light and feel most at home with being and creating yourself

🌑 The House of your Moon: Where you go to feel safe and comforted, where you let your guard down, where you can be vulnerable 

📖 The House of your Mercury: Where you go to think, study and reflect, the place you go when you are learning 

💎 The House of your Venus: Where you go to look at yourself, listen to music, eat, and watch a movie, the place you bring friends and lovers home to

🔥 The House of your Mars: Where you go when you are inspired, when you feel unstoppable, where you trash everything when you get enraged

🌎 The House of your Jupiter: Where you go to worship, where you go to find pleasure, amusement, and experience, where you go to gain perspective 

📈 The House of your Saturn: Where you go to set goals, experience and conquer pinnacle life events, reach and reflect on accomplishments 

💡 The House of your Uranus: Where you go when you need stimulation and inspiration for change, when you experience intuitive leaps, where you go when you need a complete reversal of perspective

🔮 The House of your Neptune: Where you go when you are fantasising, when you feel spiritually hungry or become inspired, when you feel tired and in need of salvation, where you go to escape

🕳 The House of your Pluto: Where you go when you confront invisible battles, where you can speak to your soul, when you transform, your haunted and mysterious house 

-C.

[kayladepuit]

meditation from the mat

Stepping on the mat after four weeks off of it, I gently reminded myself, take it slow, take it easy. The time away had been painful, physically, mentally and spiritually. Up until becoming injured I was practicing daily and feeling more connected to my practice than ever before. I felt stronger physically and was incredibly happy with how much healthier I had become in a year. All of the wisdom I had observed and had been putting into practice was resulting in less resistance to what was and both the dark and light aspects within. I had become so much gentler with myself and more of a friend than someone constantly dissatisfied, wickedly critical and pushing for more and better.  The study of ego had made its way into my life and in meditation more light was being shone upon it. Sitting outside and observing a perspective so used to being the captain of my being took focus. Ego carries with it a negative connotation I’ve found, but it is an integral part of this human existence. We are here to experience separateness in order to understand the connection of oneness. Coming to understand the ego is a gateway to knowing our attachments and how they can either guide us to reflecting our most inner and authentic being or suffocate us with rigid demands and judgment. And so as I carried on in my blissful practice, a sudden injury caused much despair. There was grief in not being able to physically move through vinyasa flows and I felt this deeply. Ego had come in the back door and now I was questioning, who am I without my physical practice?. Old anxieties pertaining to maintaining a strong, healthy and lean body arose. “how am I going to continue losing weight and becoming stronger and flexible?” Moving through the first practice post injury, I was gifted its insight. It was not with yoga that my ego, my identity, had been clinging to but my body and its capabilities. I could still practice pranayama, meditation and certain asanas despite my injury. So attached to the desired and ideal image for my body I neglected actually listening to it. So attached to becoming strong enough to perform advanced postures that I neglected to ask my body how are you doing with this? For years I’ve experienced dissatisfaction with my physical appearance. Years of self –loathing and negative thought patterns had manifested as depression and anxiety in my younger years. I remember one day, exhausted after another stretch of an intense fitness regime, I surrendered to rest and in that pause I heard a voice tell me, yoga will be your salvation. That day I began a daily practice. Just over two years ago. Leading up to this injury I had pushed too hard, doing too much too soon before establishing a strong foundation and incorporating the wisdom of yoga. And that wisdom is being aware and accepting of the present. I had been working my body toward a future goal instead of working with it as it was. Instead of lending breath to where each posture provided opening and connection to the cosmos I was focused on building muscle and strength enough to carry the weight of my physical identity. Perhaps even my ego. Yoga isn’t just asana. Pranayama is at the core of asana and asana is meant to prepare the body for meditation. All parts of the practice gently removing resistance and allowing space for compassion and peace. I couldn’t push my body the way I had been in an effort to force it into what my ego had become obsessed with it becoming. As life would have it, I was made to take a break and sit outside of a rigid routine and observe it. I began to inquire as to what intentions lay behind my actions and learn how to further drop into a place of acceptance. I became aware of the many ways in which I was not listening to my body nor the voice it contributes to my intuition. This body we are given, this vessel to experience the physical dimension is of the physical dimension. From the earth it is grown and when our soul leaves it, to the earth it returns. So as the earth, our giving mother, be respected so must we respect and give to our bodies what they call for. Becoming in tune with its needs for rest, movement, breath, love, sex, laughter, stillness, quiet, nourishment, or abstinence, has been on ongoing lesson and with each pause, I am reminded and provided insight to its insurmountable wisdom. Namaste.

[pemberlaey]

[kayladepuit]

ghost

Who am I? I cannot see, nor feel nor touch supposed divinity. Unknown am I, unseen unheard untouched. An authentic-self buried beneath pain, suffering, a choice. Dying daily isolating further, addicted to a concept of consuming narcissism, hating aspects of self in others rejecting reflections of the authentic me. Slave to an identity forged in being what is wanted and needed by illusions and projections only good for a body a face a husk, a battle for beauty neverending. Manipulating acceptance, yearning for belonging only left hollow, fighting for survival. And yet, afraid of dying a ghost unknown unseen unheard untouched due to a distrusting heart.

[love-personal]

[kayladepuit]

Welcome ego. Observe. Listen. Let be. Let go. 

[kayladepuit]

faith

though there is sadness,  there is love.

[kayladepuit]

I saw a photo of you today. Though my memories of you are fond, and I know our time together inevitably limited, I feel a pang of emptiness recognizing our vanished connection. It is with visceral remembrance I feel the warmth of your body wrapped around mine and how softly we slept. I long for that warmth again. I long for the presence of someone with me in nocturnal surrender. I long for this so greatly I feel sick to my stomach, and my heart aches against my sternum. It remains caught between wanting to escape or die within my rib cage, desperate only to be revived nestled next to another’s. Unlikely it was meant to make a home next to yours but to fall recklessly in love with another’s darkness and light it yearns. Gulls cry out into the cool morning quiet.   The smell of the ocean seeps into my soul. I am alone. As salty tendrils caress my feet, there is a pull of my totality toward the expanse before me. I become aware that I belong to the water. People can disappear, leaving one wondering, hurt and alone again. We crumble beneath monsoons made of tears, our bodies falling broken and near dead. The iron will of survival guides us through the darkness, but grief of an eternal good bye will tear our heart. One day we will laugh again. One day we will love. For the ways of the heart are something words cannot palpate and mind cannot predict. Our hearts keep beating until the time they know to cease, when our soul has borne witness to what it needs and decides to leave. It is then my spirit will return to you dear ocean. Your siren song still only a faint echo within me, and until the day that song spills from my pores, I live on.