kdiarypost

Writer.

[kdiarypost]

001 Not interesting at all.

Hey there. I am K. That’s all I wanna say, ‘cause I know people won’t be interested in me anyway. However, whether you like it or not, if you follow me, you’ll receive my thoughts. That’s not a threat tho, just a warning.

Well, the truth is I wanna get along with you.... anonymously. So less judgement. Hope you understand, thanks.

[perfectfeelings]

[kdiarypost]

I just answered a survey for my friend. She's working on developing a new program to help women create the amazing and fulfilling relationship that they desire.

If you want to fill it out for her, here's the link: https://bit.ly/relationshipfulfilmentsurvey_

[kdiarypost]

Plot twist. 11.17.2021

It's hard to forgive and try to forget things that made you broken and hurt. But even how many times I tried, I still go back to being damn stupid -- by giving second chances to someone who betrayed me.

I'm not gonna lie, it's still hurting me inside. I still can't smile genuinely and I can't feel real happiness after our talk, like I used to. Something has changed. Call me fcking idiot, but yeah I still hope that things will work out.

Is this gonna workout? I really want to convince myself that it's gonna be my last heartbreak. Because next time... I might not be able to handle too much pain.

Right now, I want to cry but I guess I have no more tears to let go. I'm empty. I'm exhausted. Yet, here I am, opening my broken heart again to the one who ruined it in the first place.

Am I insane?

[kdiarypost]

Now that I know I was cheated on, what should I do? I'm lost.

Trusting one man for 4 years... It's a huge heartbreak; knowing that the man you love the most has the guts to fall in love with another woman just because you can't give him what he wants.

11.13.21

I can't stop crying... I thought I'm enough. I thought I'm one of a kind. I just thought. Never have I ever imagined that he can love someone else while we're together. I did everything to make him happy. I did everything to make things work out. Yet, in the end, I lose myself loving that person.

I don't know if I should give up or should I hold on once more. I don't want to regret not giving a second chance. But, I can't figure out why I'm not convinced that he's sincere to fix our relationship and take me back.

It's so painful to the point I can't cry anymore because my tears already dried up and my head aches more like it's gonna explode any minute.

He can't even let go of the gift that the girl gave him. Is it more important than me, than my feelings? Why is he so insensitive? I'm already crying blood inside. My heart beats faster than ever. I feel like fainting any moment.

How can I put things back together, alone? I need him but it seems like he only loves me because I love him. Maybe he's just waiting for me to let go, so he can go as well...

[kdiarypost]

I started to feel numb after several times of being ignored, unappreciated and shut up. My mental health 😭😭😭

[kdiarypost]

Why do you keep on invalidating my feelings?

[kdiarypost]

I feel so far away from the person I love. He's not the same man I fell in love with... or am I not the person I used to be?

Well, I think both. Change is the only permanent in the world.

And it saddens me.

I used to be a jolly and motivated person, but now I always feel ignored and unimportant. I always wish I could turn back time to the moment I feel loved, appreciated and admired. Why can't everything stay the same? Why do people's feelings always change? They love you now and then suddenly they can't even stand hours of just looking at you.

I know as we grow old, our responsibilities and obligations change. We become wiser and smarter, but some people become colder too. Or all?

My insecurity is always there when seeing couples seem to like each other very much. Like, they're excitingly and lovingly look at their partner's eyes like he or she's the most beautiful person on Earth.

Well, I used to feel that same way. I used to have someone who's always there to cheer me up when I'm down. Who's always there to joke around when he knows I'm sad. Who's there to shower me with sweet hugs, smiles and kisses when I'm upset.

But now, what I'm getting is... when I'm down and want someone to talk to, I feel ignored. When I'm sad and I miss someone, I'm told to be understanding and know my place. When I'm upset, that someone who used to be my confidant gets upset too rather than calm me down, which makes the situation much worse.

Is it too much to ask for a little time to talk?

When we talk with each other via call, his attention is not focused on me anymore. He's more interested in browsing his socmed accts looking for memes or watching videos than talking to me... When I tried to confront him, he became mad and told me it's the only thing that made him relieve stress from a long day of work.

I kept wondering... Am I not enough to comfort him? What am I to him now? I refuse to ask these questions again, because I'm afraid it'll break my heart from too much pain.

My heart feels like it's gonna burst everytime I want to open up what I feel to him. And he doesn't care, or so I thought? I just tell myself maybe he has more important things to take care of than me.

I don't know much of what the future holds, but I'm sure that it becomes useless when you're taking the present for granted.

That's what I feel. Being taken for granted. Being ignored.

Or maybe because I always make myself available? I'm always there when he wants to talk. I'm there when he needs help. I always look at him in the eye, and it really breaks my heart because I can't see and feel the same thing I felt the first times he looked at me.

There is something that's already changed.

Maybe the love is not that strong. Maybe I love him more now than he does. And I'm afraid to lose a battle with no one to fight with.

Should I just move on?

[kdiarypost]

You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky.

anonymous.

Digital art created by kdiarypost.

[kdiarypost]

Gloomy Sunday (The Hungarian Suicide Song)

Do you know this song?

My sister shared a post from Facebook to me regarding the story of someone who wants to suicide after listening to the Gloomy Sunday song.

The story actually gave me goosebumps and made me curious at the same time. I have read about the history of the song and found out that it pertains to someone who wants to commit suicide to follow the death of his lover. After 35 years of writing the song, its composer committed a suicide. During its greatest hit, hundreds of suicide cases were linked to this song and later on banned on BBC, even in Hungary and UK.

Its background is intriguing to me, so despite my sister’s disagreement of playing the song, I still listened to it. The song has a sad melody and the lyrics are full of emotions. I think it can trigger someone who is going through a hard time in their life or if someone can relate to its message. I can’t understand the language of the original version though, but I think it is more emotional than the English version.

However, I don’t think there’s a curse to it because nothing strange happened to me after listening to this song just like what happened to the person who posted on Facebook. For me, it’s just like any other sad song.

Does anyone here have listened to Gloomy Sunday? or do you know someone who did? You can share their stories to me.

[kdiarypost]

I tried 😅

[kdiarypost]

Vintage Journaling

I've been crazy about journaling lately to the point that I'm buying kits online that includes stickers, memo pads, vintage papers and ephemera. I even bought a Paperang and stamps to add to the vibe.

It feels really amazing! I love designing my journal in a vintage style which looks classy and cool.

Finding the best items to put on my journal is not easy, so I get a little creative with my thermal printer. My only concern is that the thermal photos might fade over the years and I might miss some of the most important details. Yet overall, the experience is satisfying!

How about you? Do you do journaling, too? Please share some tips on how to make it cute-rrrr 😊